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Most reverent of the Lord, Mother U.! I received two of your letters at the same time; From these I see the pitiful state of your dispensation, and out of pity for you I enter into its reasoning. You yourself must see that all your disasters come from a lack of humility, or, more simply, from pride. You have a spiritual mother, you are in obedience, and this should bring you humility; for, according to the teaching of St. John Climacus, from obedience humility is born, and humility would deliver you from all the snares and snares of the enemy and, as you cleanse yourself from passions, you would have peace and tranquility of soul. But in you I see, on the contrary, a deprivation of peace and tranquility; You should not blame anyone as the reason for this, but blame yourself alone; because your faith has wavered, and your whole building is heading towards destruction. You have invented many means to calm yourself, but you do not hope to find it in any one. Having lived for so many years in the monastery, and receiving external calm in everything and already with exhausted strength, where can you find it? But you won’t find talk about sultry benefits in many places; and if you tried to go out, then even more confusing thoughts will attack you; and perhaps we will be exposed to the strongest temptations; You will repent, but too late, about leaving the monastery and spiritual mother. I advise you to think about this, humble yourself, and, praying to God, fall at the feet of your mother, asking for mercy and forgiveness of you, and make a start to good deeds and obedience; first open your spiritual ulcers and seek healing in self-accusation, and to confirm and strengthen you in this, read in the 1st part of the Philokalia of St. Simeon the New Theologian chapters: 38, 39, 40, 41, 42 and 43, and sow these chapters in prayer to the Lord - and this is the prayer rule that you asked for. Also in the book of 12 words, read the seventh word; and in part 4 of the Philokalia of St. Theodore of Edessa, read chapters: 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, and in the Ladder, degree 4 on obedience and 25 on humility. Take this advice of mine for the benefit of your soul; I believe that when you bend your will to this, you will feel calm; and when you overthrow a proud enemy with a humble request for forgiveness, then you will be at peace; Avoid judgment: both mentally and in conversations. If you have a grudge against anyone around her, purge it, take out the nail stuck in your heart, and do not blame anyone, as I said above, but only blame yourself, and the Lord will look upon your humility and give you peace. When you were with us, I advised you the same; but you, apparently, did not force yourself. I wish you peace and tranquility, and I remain the great sinner I. M. November 18, 1853, You might be interested in: