Письмо 97

I barely got around to answering several of your letters. For me, your pitiful state of mind is more pitiable than in your opinion. In all your letters there is no visible self-reproach and humility, befitting our monastic calling, which can both arrange us in good deeds and calm us down; but in your dispensation, everyone seems to you to be guilty of your sorrows and bitterness; You are the only one who is right in everything and you are tortured and insulted by everyone. Therefore, I see that if you read your father’s writings, then it’s clear that you either don’t understand, or don’t want to follow them, or don’t read your father’s books at all; and therefore you don’t understand anything, and, imagining to be wise, you made a fool of yourself. We climb to heaven, but on earth we do not see that we are following the obstinate path. Can a heart darkened by passions rise to such a height with its mind? On a clean heart, grace writes its laws, and within you is the kingdom of heaven (Luke 17:21). Look for it inside yourself, not outside; because it's a delight. I don’t know what kind of affectionate letters you require from me? I write as usual; where necessary, I reprove, or support, etc.; I don’t know any other syllable. I cannot answer every word of your extensive letters in detail; These lines are enough when you pay attention to your dispensation and reproach yourself and not others. You write about your dream that you saw an enemy; I do not have the gift of interpreting dreams, and therefore I cannot tell you the meaning of it; and the best thing is not to listen to dreams, but to try to forget them; try to fulfill the rule, reading the psalter orally, the prescribed canons and the rosary rule, and all this with great humility and self-reproach, not as if doing good, but fulfilling what is due; But I don’t recommend raising your mind to heaven; As I personally told you and wrote to you many times, I repeat now; This is pure beauty. I wish you peace, health and salvation; many-sinful I.M. 1853. You might be interested in: