Письмо 38
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Based on consideration from all your letters, we see that the most merciful Lord has deigned you to embark on the sorrowful path along which all the saints walked and reached the kingdom of heaven. You feel innocent in the insults inflicted on you, and this is what is necessary in order to endure without truth, this is also the goodness of God: “nothing is possible,” writes St. Isaac in the 35th word, “otherwise how can God bring favor to the one who desires to be with Him; except to bring temptations for the sake of the truth.” For your confirmation, strengthening and consolation, read this Holy Word: 20, 34, 35, 36. 37 and 51; you will see that through temptation they come to humility and recognize their sins; others are not blamed for causing them grief, but are considered an instrument with which God acts in the matter of our salvation; and you do this and remember your sins and insolence that you yourself inflicted on others; I got a lot of N. with your words, now drink the cup from her. But perhaps this is your last test before death, for purification.
Be good, stay awake and do not lose heart, and the Lord is able to strengthen you and forgive you all your sins, which you committed even before our badness; and we send you our unworthy forgiveness and blessing.
If it pleases the Lord to raise you from your sickbed and further prolong your life, then try to behave with caution; when the sisters are not ordered to come to you, do not receive them; Are you really the only luminary that can enlighten others? Isn’t the Lord able to feed them with spiritual food from another pure source? And you consider yourself unworthy to care for others. When St. They reproached John Climacus for being intemperate in his words, instigated by envy, but he shamed them by his very deed: he was silent for a whole summer; so that his very reproaches asked him to stop the silence and not block a useful source; - be limited by those living with you, and then at ease; and when they truly and with faith want to take advantage of you, then God will enlighten your mind for their benefit; and when God’s will is done, they will ask you too; remember that you wanted to remain silent; Apparently your time is coming; only it is obtained not through joy, but through sorrow.
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