Письмо 39

I received your letter from K–a, and I see both from it and from this last one everything is the same; what squabbles can always be new: now an imaginary peace, then again a quarrel. However, it’s good that you went and calmed down somewhat; It’s definitely your fault that it doesn’t matter to serve a memorial service from each sister? Serve from you - whether two, three, or more memorial services; There is only one cell, and you have a hostel. Although, however, not a great fault, it is an embarrassment for the enemy; it can be seen for your other good deeds, with which you have annoyed people. I keep repeating the same thing: someone has had to suffer from your tongue, but now you yourself are experiencing how to endure from others. Thank God and blame yourself, not others; for they are God’s instruments to punish you; recognize both your weakness and the unsteadiness of faith that you thought you had for your dear mother, and until then it was there until something contrary happened. It won’t seem to you: and you’ll think whether the abbess wrote something; but on the contrary, I give you the tone to examine yourself and gain insight. You will say, there are third-party cases here; Didn’t they happen by God’s permission? Again, I am not writing to force you to have the same faith again: but I am simply reasoning, and you watch yourself. Perhaps it is God’s will for you to retire to other lands, and with these nasty things God arranges your departure; Without this, it would be difficult for you to part with your dear mother and dear daughters. Look, what a miracle: it was all right for us to go to the sisters, but suddenly God did not tell the priest, but turned him back; and apparently God’s providence arranged it so that you could endure more there. Be patient and thank God while reproaching yourself. There seems to be no need to explain themselves to you and recognize themselves not in what they are, but in how they want them; apparently, it still doesn’t exist, and it’s impossible; and try as much as possible to avoid squabbles and gossip, and forbid your sisters from entering into them. Live quietly, be silent, tame your passions, fight them, and somehow get through the winter, and in the spring you will see, when you are alive, how to take the path to your mother and sisters who are calling you. You need to think about this, how will you be placed there? Nowadays it is not without difficulty to give orders, and not to people like you, but also to those capable of obedience: it seems that you know this quite well. If I answer every word you say in detail, then I won’t have enough time or eyes: but it seems enough that I could read and write this; in what is missing, through the prayers of the priest, may the Lord instruct you on what to do. I won’t tell you about N.F.: she is embarrassed there by the fact that they read and sing differently than in B—e: the most insignificant and childish, does not look at the structure and world of the soul; and there are many reasons for this; One of your sisters lied to her about this: this is not so, the other is not according to us; and this must be O.'s mother; and besides, G. writes to her that things are peaceful with you now. I don’t need it, I’m not very interested in this. If it comes out, he will only violate the priest’s blessing and will not gain any benefit. However, she still doesn’t say a word about this, but only gets bored, which is not like how they sing and read in B–e. Keep quiet about this to your sisters. Mnogohreshny I.M. November 15, 1841. You might be interested in: