Письмо 161
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The concern in your conscience about your former weaknesses comes from this, that is, it was sent to you, so that you would remember your sinfulness and not be carried away into pride and condemnation of others, but would remain in humility with hope in God’s mercy. We often, having repented, consider ourselves sinless; but although we hope to receive forgiveness from God, according to His mercy and the merits of our Savior, everyone must feel that we are sinners. I know my iniquity, and I will take away my sin before me (Ps. 50:5), writes St. King David; Yes, and we pray to the Lord to grant us “to see our sins and not condemn our brother.” When we are imbued with our poverty and remember our sins, we will more easily bear the sorrows or illnesses inflicted on us, considering ourselves worthy of it. So, the Lord is able to grant you forgiveness, be calm; You yourself don’t know what you are asking God for – to save you from your illness; you ask for what is pleasing to His holy will and useful to you.
Enduring illness with thanksgiving is superior to other corrections before God; with them sins are cleansed and passions are eliminated; but what does our wisdom mean? May God, who wants to save us, do what pleases Him and what will save us; but we ourselves cannot dare to do either.
You, reading the letter, do not understand the meaning of the scripture: the Lord commanded to love our enemies in order to free our hearts from malice, to heal the furious part, which is ready to be offended for every little thing; So, we must not only forgive those who offend us, but even force ourselves to love our enemies; and in the psalter a completely different kind of enemy should be understood, namely: those attacking his kingdom, that is, David; defending himself from them, he showed love for his subjects, defending them and not only for himself, but for his neighbors, he prayed to be delivered from foreign enemies. And also the highest meaning is spiritual, enemies are understood to be crafty evil spirits, chilling us with sinful thoughts and inducing and multiplying malice, envy, laziness, etc. into action; He asked to deliver us from these enemies, but don’t try what you don’t understand, but humble your mind and see poverty. The sacraments are revealed to humility. Be peaceful and healthy. I remain the desirer of your salvation, sinful hieromonk Macarius.
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