Письмо 162

You describe your pitiful and poor dispensation, and you yourself find that you are obsessed with pride, and this is the reason for your dispensation, and therefore you must try by all means to gain humility; it overthrows all the machinations of the evil one, gives victory over passions and calms its owner. Read the passages in the books of the holy fathers where they write about humility, and try to act as they teach. Saint Climacus writes that “humility is born from obedience, or from the rejection of one’s will and reason.” You now have the means to do this, having lived with M.’s mother: ask for their guidance in everything and do not have your own will, and do not follow your own reason, then God Himself will instruct them to say a word for your benefit, and will help you fulfill the will of God and humble yourself. Always reproach yourself for everything and consider yourself the worst of everyone, and not the way you look at everyone and see them in black terms. Has not God chosen the weak of the world, let him put to shame the glorious, and God has chosen the weak of the world, let him put to shame the strong, and the wicked of the world, let him put to shame the wise (1 Cor. 1:28, 27). God created everyone and gave them different titles, but He looks more upon the meek, humble and in simplicity of heart who work for Him; and the proud, the highly intelligent, who think highly of themselves and demean others, are turned away. May you be noble, educated; Why don’t you achieve peace and tranquility with your education? And those, on the contrary, are thin and uneducated, but acquire peace of mind through simplicity. Learn this too, and put aside your nobility and education; There are no nobles in the monastery, but everyone is equal. They came to serve the Lord with humility and overcome passions. It was in vain that you gave a rosary to a worldly girl without a blessing; Forward, beware of this. Your unreasonable zeal for visible obedience can bring you harm, and you will not bear it afterwards; but do what you are told to do; if not, then have a cell job and go to church, don’t be lazy, forcing yourself..... You complain about the boredom and despondency tormenting you, and other sorrowful thoughts that deprive you of peace, and it also seems to you that you are losing weight: what’s that matter? Do you really want to get fat? Then the passion will fight more, and it can be tamed; and boredom and despondency come more from inaction and fickle, unestablished thoughts in the monastery. Surrender to the will of God. I.M. September 15, 1854. You might be interested in: