Послание 3. К нему же [Платону, отцу духовному]

Tears flow before words, my insides tremble, my hand trembles when writing, I am tormented on all sides and unable to bear grief. О, как я стерплю твои, отец, христоподобные страдания? О, как перенесу твое высокое и святое уничижение? Как стану отвечать тебе надлежащим образом? Куда обращусь и с чего начну письмо? Are you writing this to me, father? To me, a worm, dust and obscenity, does the father pronounce the words with which he addresses his son? Принимаешь вид умоляющего ты, которого самого должно умолять. Что же после этого скажу я, несчастный? Какое покажу уничижение перед праведным отцом моим? However, I accepted your holy message with unworthy hands, my father, like the tablets written by God, listened to your written voice, as someone else would listen to the voice of an Angel or an Apostle. And it crushed my heart, shed tears, and I cried, and I cried not like Jeremiah’s cry about the disasters that befell those who hate God, but with some special cry, in which there was both love for my father and true gratitude to God. Indeed, what you wrote, righteous father, is worthy of praise, worthy of rewriting; your words serve as an expression of your total devotion to God. So, Father, you have strengthened our minds, strengthened our hearts. Your courage is higher than hope, your boldness is higher than expectation. You appeared to us differently than we knew you; you have completely changed in God. Glory to Him who strengthened you! The fear of royal power did not overwhelm you, and the insidious seduction did not weaken you. You did not choose to enjoy temporary pleasures, wanting to be in danger ahead of others for the truth of God. The “good shepherd” is the one who “lays down his life for the sheep” (John 10:11–12), who is now kept in custody as an apostle of Christ. Oh, that hut in which you are kept, like an honest vessel useful to the Lord God! Oh, if only I could embrace that platform on which the feet of my master and father walk! Oh, if I could kiss those keys and locks that guard you like a treasure of piety! Or better yet, I would like to kiss the honest lips that confessed the word of truth, and the reverend hands raised in holy and godly prayers. How did my dear face fly away? How did the saving voice fall silent? Here I am, an orphan, pitiful and completely alone, deprived of my father, deprived of my lamp, the doctor and nourisher of my humble soul, I was left without a leader and defender against those invisibly attacking me: “I was like a raven in the desert, like a bird on the roof” (Ps. 102:7-8). Every day I strain my eyesight, look around, and the desired face is nowhere to be found. I cannot fully describe my suffering. However, I thank you and thank you a lot for the fact that I was worthy of this for the law of God, that I am the son of such a father. Now it seems to me that today I reign through you, holy father, if your prayers keep me unharmed. I am afraid of my sinfulness and lewdness, but take note that with your holy prayers I am strengthened and confirmed, although I myself am very weak. And not only me, but all of us are one, we are like-minded with you, unanimous, determined to suffer together until death, and regarding us you should not be afraid of anything. Good, father, good, good, valiant pilot, zealot of piety, imitator of the saints. You labored truly splendidly and fought courageously. I know that your spirit remains with the martyrs. This is so, although not as it should be, in accordance with my desire and your dignity. But since you order me to describe in detail our journey and everything that has happened to us during this time since the day we suffered this unfortunate separation, then, although this is not entirely possible, I will very quickly fulfill your order. So, on the very day on which you, father, voluntarily took the path leading to death, we went into exile. We rode animals, what happened. At first, as we had never experienced such a situation before, we were somewhat despondent. For, stopping in villages, we became an object of spectacle for people of all genders and ages; our ears were filled with noise and screams when those leading us stopped and went to purchase what they needed. But later we got used to it and endured these troubles much easier. What upset us most of all was the weakness of our father, Mr. Deacon. Thus, we made the journey exhausted and exhausted. The stops were as follows: from Kafar to Libyan, then to Levki, then to Thiraeus, where something sad and worthy of telling happened to us. Suddenly, the nine leading brothers appeared like scattered sheep, and they surrounded us with tears, crushing our hearts. But the one who led us did not allow us to talk to them; Therefore, after looking piteously at each other and saying words of greeting, we were separated with tears. Further, when we were brought to Paul, we found your venerable sister with Mr. Savva 4 and, having secretly met with them, stayed together the whole night, talked about the necessary and greeted each other as if sentenced to death, we parted with groans and cries. There one could see how the insides were tormented and trembled when nature was overcome by sacred feelings. Setting off from there again on the road, we stopped in Lupadia, meeting friendly sympathy from the stranger; They also performed ablution there because of their wounds, for some had wounds from the journey that were intractable. So, we were brought to Tilis. There we were met by Abba Zechariah and Pionius, who cried out of their ardent affection for us and wanted to go with us, but they were not allowed. From there - to Alkeriza, then - to Anagsgrammena, then - to Perperina, from there to Paria. We entered into communication with the bishops and, moreover, humbly reminded them of the oath. Then our path followed to Orcus, from there to Lampsacus, in which, having found the Herakliotians 5, we stayed for three days, unable to sail. Then, having received such an opportunity, they set off and sailed to Avid, where they were graciously received by the local commander. Having lived there for eight days until Saturday, we sailed to Eleont, where we stayed for a week due to the difficulty of navigation. Then, when a fair wind blew, we arrived at Limnos in nine hours. Here my speech is stopped by the piety of the local bishop, who, more graciously than anyone else, received us, consoled us and provided us with what we needed for the journey. Having sailed from there with fear, for we were afraid of the neighboring people, we sailed across a sea of ​​one hundred and fifty miles with a strong north wind and landed at Capastra within the borders of Thessalonica. Then we sailed to Pallina, a region near the bay; затем – к пристани; from there, again mounting animals, they entered the city 6. It was on Saturday, the day of the Feast of the Annunciation, at three o'clock. And what an entrance it was! We cannot ignore this either. One of the dignitaries, sent ahead by the prefect, was waiting for us at the eastern gate with his soldiers, and they met our approach by standing in silence. And after we had entered, they closed the gate and solemnly led us through the square in front of the eyes of the people who had gathered for this spectacle, and thus led us to the commander. This is a wonderful person. Appearing with a benevolent face, after bowing, he meekly spoke to us and sent us to the archbishop. First of all, we prayed in the Church of Hagia Sophia. His Holiness, having finished the prayer in his church, received and greeted us, talked with us about the necessary things and then, holding us back, gave us rest with bath and food. On the second day, early in the morning, they took us and, at our request, allowed us to pray in the church of St. Demetrius, separated us from each other after we expressed blessings and greetings to each other. We, two brothers, were taken to the place where I am now, and separated after we said goodbye to each other with tears, so that some of the spectators were touched and filled with pity. This is the state, father, of our affairs; and now I drag out, humble, a sad and lamentable life here. We have received the signs of blessing from your holy hand as having the power of the Holy Trinity, and we keep them as a treasure, and we place them before our eyes, as if kissing your right hand. Again there are tears, again my insides are shaking, because I want to finish my speech. O father, “why have you forsaken me” (Matthew 27:46)? But you didn't leave. How did you get away from me? But you remain in me. Where else will I see you? How will I look at you? Where will I hear your sweetest and saving voice? When will I share a meal with you? Where will I enjoy your presence? Or when will I read aloud to you, or sing in front of your face, or receive admonitions, or penances, or reminders, performing according to custom the treat, food, drink, conversation, standing, sitting, reclining that pleases you? What happened to me? I call people as witnesses, I also call on the Heavenly Powers to defend me: the law of God separated me from you, one eternal commandment. Let the heavenly kingdom hear! Therefore I rejoice and lift up a voice of praise to God; I endure everything with more than enough strength; I admire. I will no longer be an orphan, I will not complain, I will not say anything obscene. Accept, father, the above as pious, for these are signs of love for you. However, I will cry again, but this time from joy. And you, blessed father, rejoice and be merry: rewards have been assigned to you, a place of peace has been prepared for you. Your zeal is like the zeal of your fathers; imprisonment proclaims the truth. The righteous is bound as the unyielding - the pious are grateful, the competitors become more ardent, seeing a wonderful beginning. The persecutors outside weave speeches and slander, especially some of the monks, but inside they are tormented by thoughts, having a cruel accuser in their own conscience, and they are surprised. For, as the great Gregory the Theologian says, “even enemies know how to marvel at the great feats of man, when the anger passes and the deed justifies itself” 7 . Angels praise you, people please you, Christ accepted you and opened the gates of the kingdom of heaven for you forever. Amen. Savva is the abbot of Studiya, who was with St. Plato at the Seventh Ecumenical Council. Creations in Russian translation. Т.II. С.70. М. 1889. You might be interested in: