Апрель

Second day of Easter. Yesterday, on the first day, at late mass, I was subjected to great temptation from the devil and my old man and from my co-servant, sexton Preobrazhensky: he did not come to mass before the special litany - he sent for him three times. And Nikolai, the watchman, seemed to serve the wine poorly for the Sacrament. I was greatly offended by the sexton's carelessness about the service; I was worried, embarrassed, captivated internally. I was ready to cry - there were no tears; I cried out to the Lord - but because of my sins, the Lord was slow to save me, leaving me to fight the invisible enemy and my passions. During the consumption of the Holy Gifts, when I recognized myself as guilty of this excitement and indignation, and admitted that it was necessary to cover with love the misdeed of my brother, which could have occurred from his illness or some other good reason, and in any case for such a holiday it is necessary to cover the sin of my brother (we forgive all by resurrection), and that the wine only seemed bad, but in fact was very decent, I was pardoned by the Lord and I calmed down and rejoiced. Glory to the Lord the Deliverer, the Enlightener, the Savior! (For eating caviar in the evening, although in small quantities; there was no need to eat.) On the night of the second day, adulterous defilement almost happened in a dream - the holy Guardian Angel woke me up and did not allow me to defile myself. I thank the good Angel of my God, my Guardian. Cover me, good power, always and intercede from all sin, for this is what I want. Wake up. I have a lot of bitterness and saltiness of passions - pride, envy, impatience, anger, irritability, malice, envy, waywardness, intemperance, fornication, stubbornness; I want to correct and heal others, such as the sexton, my wife and others, but at the same time I myself am spiritually extremely weak, sick, possessed by malice, internal or heartfelt impurity. Oh, how I myself need the condescension, meekness, patience and long-suffering of the Lord and good people! I thank the Lord, who worked with me a miracle of His mercy and His power yesterday during the liturgy, when Innocent, serving at the altar, brought the children of the watchman Nicholas, whom I disliked for various sins, first to communion; I sinned: I transferred the hostile feeling at that moment to his children, innocent babies, but for this I was immediately punished with confusion, cramped conditions, and scorching fire - and it was necessary to give communion to children up to two hundred. Inside, I began to pray earnestly to the Lord in repentance, trusting in the sacrifice of righteousness, in the most pure Body and Blood of the Lord - and in this wonderful Mystery, after a strong heartfelt cry, I received forgiveness of sins, cessation of torment, oppression, fire, shame (my life), internal change, rebirth, renewal, resurrection, peace, joy, space. Both at the proskomedia, and at the beginning, and throughout the mass, I constantly felt the influx of the Lord’s strength into my heart. Glory to His mercy and His long-suffering, His life-giving, invincible power, His invincible and inscrutable goodness! And at supper, before the dismissal and at the dismissal, the Lord created power with me in His name, in the memory of His miracles over me. Yesterday evening I ate veal and cabbage soup in vain: I had a bad feeling in my mouth in the morning and heavy sweating, a rough heart. Evening of the third day of Easter: I thank the Lord, who delivered me today during the liturgy from hellish torment, from the terrible cramped conditions that befell me for being satiated with rotten cabbage soup and veal in the evening. I thought that the Lord had abandoned me for my inattention to Himself and to such a great Sacrament - His Body and Blood, which I eat every day and, however, do not guard against excesses. But immeasurable mercy defeated the immeasurable multitude of my untruths, and the Lord, upon my communion of the Holy Mysteries, moved the mountain from my heart. How sweet it was for me to be with the Lord, who was reconciled with me and united with me! But, alas! Soon I was again covered by darkness and oppression and shame, damned, after communion, and only strong hope with unshameful faith saved me - and again I was granted deliverance from the Lord. This day at the beginning, that is, during Matins and Mass, was a day of trouble for me. I have lost my voice from a cold since yesterday (April 2); and I caught a cold after having hot cabbage soup in the evening: I went from the dining room to the office, sweating, and sat down in this cold room without a tie, sweating, and unbuttoned my cassock and opened it. That's why! Through the prayers of the Most Pure Mother of God, may I have mercy and may I be healed of the weakness of the larynx. Great is the name of the Mother of God, the universal Prayer Service and Intercessor. Lady! those who glorify You will take out 65, heal and have mercy! April 3. Five o'clock in the morning. I thank the Lord, who healed my larynx from voicelessness through the communion of the life-giving Mysteries in the Assumption Church; this voicelessness occurred, as I noticed, from the dirty tricks of the evil spirit, for I felt his moral oppression, and when I washed my soul from the sins of gluttony, insensibility, stinginess, hard-heartedness, and greed with tears of repentance and communion of the Holy Mysteries, then the enemy’s oppression disappeared, and I began to speak clearly. Glory to the Lord and His Holy Mysteries, which miraculously revive. I thank the Lord after repeated prayers of repentance (at home, in the apartment), who delivered me from the sin of anger towards the poor and at home, and from the terrible tightness and crush of the heart, and from fire and shame. After that I fell asleep in bed. Because of my gluttony and satiety, last night at Pavel Aleksandrovich Aleksandrov, commissar of the naval seventh crew, today at mass before communion I suffered a terrible temptation from the spirits of evil: when I looked at the sexton Preobrazhensky, who brought warmth for influence into the Most Pure Blood, I was attacked, I was overcome, I was struck down by the devil’s anger against him for the unrest and whims that had come from him, disobedience: she scorched, crushed, confused, darkened, dishonored me, closed my lips; I fought with her - she prevailed, and barely, with strong faith in the all-purifying and all-reconciling Blood of Christ, she came out of my heart; then from time to time it flared up again little by little - but I extinguished it with the idea that because of my sins I myself am worthy of all hatred (for being an old man) and that my brother must be loved, forgiven, covered, and long-suffering. Before Vespers, again, because of my satiety, a strong anger at the beggars attacked me: I scolded many strongly, tore others by the hair with anger, shouted at everyone; he called little children, naughty boys and girls, little pigs, these gentle children, whom the Angels in heaven always see the face of the Heavenly Father [Matt. 18, 10]. I acted extremely unreasonably and seriously sinned in that, having eaten and drunk at the house of my old friend Ekaterina Stepanova - after mass and communion of the Holy Mysteries, when there was still no appetite for food in the early hours (they ate cheesecake, fish pie, apples, smelt, drank sweet tea), at home I again ate beef soup without bread, ate liver with fatty sauce, what caused indigestion and weakness; I barely made my stomach boil with intense movement in the air and loud singing at Vespers. This indigestion made me very angry and irritable. Oh, I don’t need to eat meat, or even soups and broths. God! and also forgive my great sins! What kind of alms are I giving in this way, that is, with anger, shouting, and abuse! Oh, how disgusting this liver is to my heart! I thank the Lord for the immeasurable mercy shown to me, the many-passionate one, today before the all-night vigil and during it in the Assumption Church, when I cried out to Him in extreme sorrow and the cramped conditions of hell and, as if burned by hell, from my anger at the beggars with whom I came to the church, and especially at the sexton Preobrazhensky in the church, when I noticed that he came drunk to the church after a seductive dressing artos to the homes of parishioners. In anger at the drunken and arrogant sexton, I cursed him when he wanted to justify himself further and did not obey my order to leave the church. I was very excited: in a weak, rattling voice I began the all-night vigil; spiritual death was in my insides. But then, after censing, I began to repent, reading prayers of light, I began to remember my sins, infirmities, weaknesses, stumblings, and the sexton’s repeated avoidances from drinking wine - previously his frequent zeal for work, and I prayed for him as for myself. I prayed to the Lord to grant me the grace of meekness, humility, kindness, patience and long-suffering, love in punishing and admonishing a sinning brother, for I felt that I myself, a doctor of others, was overcome by anger, impatience, irritability, ill will, rancor and many other passions. So what? The Lord again had mercy on me: he transformed confusion into peace, anger into love, fire into coolness, cramped space into space, darkness into light, powerlessness into strength, cowardice into boldness, death into life - and I performed the service with a strong, clear, ringing voice. Only in the end the enemy again overcame him with anger at the sexton and confused and stopped me while reading the prayer to Christ, the True Light... O holy faith, miraculous, all-saving - glory to You! I thank the Lord for the Saturday Liturgy - Bright Week, as he peacefully granted me to perform it with a loud voice and to partake of the Holy Mysteries without condemnation. All mortal men are hastening towards the end of their lives; They die in large numbers every day, often leaving their acquired property to who knows who, inheriting decay and stench in the grave. With such an obvious human calamity, how gratifying it is to remember the resurrection of Christ the Savior, which is the beginning and guarantee of our common resurrection, how obvious is the need for everyone to prepare for death and the blessed resurrection, to live on earth not for the earth, not for the blessings and pleasures here, but for heaven and future bliss! He sinned before God by furiously screaming at the poor and driving some of them away with kicks in the ass for their persistence and frequent begging for alms on one day. I sinned before the Mother of God, before the holy Angels, the holy saints and the citizens living in the city and - all people. Lord, have mercy and forgive! From my sins and from eating cod in the evening (again madness) this morning there is anguish in my heart. Saturation and rage, satiety and rage! This is how I live my damned life. A spirit of malice attacked me terribly at the end of the all-night vigil because of a drunken, disobedient sexton; his arrows were bitter, caustic, violent, deadly! Dejection, fear, fear, powerlessness! The stench from the coming winds after cod and milk is very disgusting, but after them the heart becomes lighter: they weigh on the heart. Sunday Fomino. Early instead of Father Matthew in the Cathedral. I thank the Lord for the grace of tenderness and goodwill in service and for the non-judgmental communion of the Divine Mysteries. I got up in the morning heavy from the cod from the evening and from sins. I thank the Lord, who through my prayer saved me from fierce torment for my anger at two beggars, whose hair I pulled out. One beggar with bruises under his eyes, crooked. He sinned before God and before his wife by spitting from behind her with malice and contempt because she did not want to find out and remove the cause of the stench in the hallway. He sent a maid to Evgenia, and she found out the reason - cat urine in the stove in the ashes. The consequences of the evil spitting tormented me greatly and oppressed me; The melancholy in my heart was strong. Dissatisfaction with everything. Oh passions! Oh, carnality! I praise the mercy of the Lord, who had mercy on me for the sake of my faith and hope and for the sake of the prayer of repentance. I said: with the abyss of my sins I am plunging into the abyss of Your mercy - and now I feel better; I prayed again - and it became even easier and more joyful. The Lord is generous and merciful, long-suffering and abounding in mercy. He is not completely angry, he is at enmity forever [Ps. 102, 8 – 9]. Send one hundred rubles for the maintenance of my nieces to the Arkhangelsk Council of the Women's Diocesan School. A sinful and extremely lawless person, I have repeatedly offended the beggars, either by shouting, reproaches, abuse and curses, or by pushing and pulling their hair. What does it look like? Is this how a priest should behave? Where is meekness, kindness, patience, dispassion? Oh, my flesh deceives me too brazenly: I buy a bottle of red port for one and a half rubles to settle my stomach, and I spare twenty or forty kopecks for the needs of the poor. This is carnalism, unloving and godlessness! Abstinence is the correction of the stomach, not wine drinking. Turn away from evil and do good [Ps. 33, 15]. He sinned - he beat a beggar for frequently asking for alms on one day. Oh, pride and love of money! Oh, addiction to temporary life and negligence about the future, eternal! Oh, the impoverishment of love for the sake of pride and gluttony and love of money! Having loved His own in the world, He loved them to the end [Jn. 13, 1]. And I must love the poor and everyone to the end. Because of thirty kopecks today I became angry with a beggar and beat him! Oh, impudence! Should a priest strike with the hand with which he lifts up the Lamb who takes away the sins of the world? Who will give me tears so that I cry day and night for my evil deeds? - At least from now on, let me have all the disgust for my ardor, malice and insolence, and let me not dare to raise my hands against anyone in the future, for man was created in the image of God, for he is a member of Christ and my own, for he is a co-redeemer and a joint heir of the Heavenly Kingdom, for he, of course, is a thousand times better than me and more worthy than me of the gifts of God. God! forgive me my great insolence and give me the grace to hate myself and my soul, so that I may love You and my neighbor. The virtues and perfections of the holy saints of God - the apostles, prophets, hierarchs, martyrs, reverend men and women, the righteous, the unmercenary are: kindness, humility, patience, non-covetousness, abstinence, purity and chastity, unceasing prayers, dispassion, never-fading love for God and neighbor, and before that - faith unashamed and strong trust in God, devotion to God in everything, self-sacrifice, obedience, renunciation of one’s own will. Through their prayers, Lord, allow me to acquire all these virtues. As a result of meat-eating and general satiety, fornication defilement happened to me during evening sleep; as a result of this, a strong disposition to irritability and anger - and so I beat the beggar at ten and a half o'clock in the evening for his second unexpected appearance at such a late hour, when I went out to pray and rest in freedom from the beggars. Therefore, do not eat meat and generally eat and drink less. Lord help me. In a painful state, I am very irritable and impertinent with my hands. I repent. Cheesecake is indigestible for the stomach: here comes indigestion again! My wife was right that she didn’t let me eat it, but I, being wayward and stubborn, didn’t listen, and was even angry that I wasn’t giving him my favorite food. Here's Father Vasily's vodka with a tavern meat pie! Here's to meat-eating at home! Nocturnal emission again! More desecration and exhaustion! Yes, and unchaste species. The illustrations are right there! Absence of a canon and leaving the canon of the Mother of God for the night! Two canons! Not a single illustration! Oh, secular dirty trick! Oh, the world lies in evil! I thank the Lord, who called me to perform the bloodless Sacrifice and to partake of the most pure, heavenly, immortal and life-giving Mysteries; I thank the Lord, who revived me, killed by sins, pacified me, spread me, and made me glad with His face. After communion, I was upset at the sexton who was laughing in the choir, and the fiery arrows of hell pierced my soul, stung, scorched, oppressed me, but through repentance of bitterness and brotherly hatred, the Lord again returned me mercy and peace. Glory to the Lord for this! What I did was wrong was that I shouted at the sexton during mass: “Don’t laugh during mass!” By this I confused those praying, although there were only a few of them: about six or seven. April 10, 1874 Wednesday of the week of Fomina. I thank the Lord twice in the evening, who saved me from hellish fire and hardship for my anger and bitterness towards the poor, for when they relentlessly chased after me, asking for alms, I threw five kopecks to one of them and said with anger: take it, dog. In the image of God created, a member of Christ like me, a citizen of the future Kingdom of Christ, I called a dog and - I myself went mad. Oh, I struggled with this sin for a long time and repented for a long time, finally the Lord forgave: and it became easy and calm and spacious. Then, when he came home, he was upset with his wife, but then he prayed, repented from his heart, and the Lord forgave and reassured her. Yesterday I ate cold fish soup made from ruffs and then ruffs without bread in the evening, and the next morning my heart was heavy; From this I am also convinced that I shouldn’t eat at night. At least even fish soup and ruff, especially when before that he ate and drank somewhere at a party. April 11. Thursday. Today I sent one hundred rubles to the women’s diocesan school in Arkhangelsk for the maintenance of my nieces in the next two years of school, and today the Lord sent me ten rubles for the poor, simple and poor people (Ivan Andreevich Kozhevnin). Thanks be to the Provider Lord! But may my fifty-ruble note be true, and not false, and may it not come back to me. They say: fifty-ruble credit notes have been ordered to be withdrawn from use. I thank the Lord, who healed me through prayer, or during morning prayer. I got up sick with a cold, with heaviness, but in the middle of prayer I felt that all the weakness and aching of my insides had disappeared. Glory to the Lord, who miraculously and quickly has mercy on me. Friday of St. Thomas Week. At night, under a cold blanket, I slept in a cold, unheated room; the cassock had fallen over the blanket. I thank You, Lord, the most merciful and long-suffering, for You once again accepted my repentance for anger towards the poor and took away the sorrow, crampedness and shame of my heart and face. Because of trifles, do I upset myself, lose peace, become embarrassed, offend the Lord, violate His commandments about meekness, humility and gentleness, become angry like a beast at the poor man, who in the image of God is a member of Christ and at the same time mine? What good is it to a man if he gains the whole world but loses his own soul? or what ransom a man will give for his soul [Matt. 16, 26 ], redeemed by the priceless Blood of the Son of God? Oh, addiction to the flesh, to the world, oh, falling away from God and spiritual, heavenly life! Oh, self-love! Self-indulgence! Gluttony, love for vain, perishable life, disappearing like steam! I sinned before God, before people and before myself, by being angry with my wife for not fulfilling my instructions to fix my cassock a little, for not preparing dinner (I wouldn’t have died of hunger, of course), for taking a book that I wasn’t ordered to take, and for a crumpled newspaper. Peace and tranquility, and mutual love, are infinitely more valuable than these insignificant things, which can always be bought and without which I would not suffer at all, but the priceless gift of God's peace and love, if we lose them, cannot be bought with anything. Moreover, I am a sinner because today the students in class answered me about the spirit of Christ, or the Gospel law, that everyone who is angry with his brother in vain is subject to judgment, whoever says: cancer is subject to the supreme court, and whoever says: unscrupulous is subject to fiery hell [Matt. 5, 22 ]; to put up with my brother sooner; so as not to resist the one who offends, so as to love our enemies, bless those who curse and pray for those who offend and persecute, so as to love not only those who love, but also our enemies, so as to show affection not only to our friends, but also to opponents who do not fulfill our desires - in a word, so that we are perfect, conquering evil with good, and not being overcome by evil [Rom. 12, 21]. Again I sinned through addiction to empty things, through pride, self-indulgence, self-will, negligence about virtue, obstinacy in sins, that is, through self-love, self-will, negligence about good. And I also repent to the Lord, and I also ask the Lord for mercy on my life and peace with my wife, although she is disobedient. Grant me, Lord, to overcome her waywardness and disobedience with patience. Yourself, Lord, incline her to obedience, and not to resistance, to the work of the hands, and not to inaction and laziness, for according to Your intention, Lord, she is a helper to her husband and must obey her husband. I did not and do not torment her with anything, and she lives freely, eating generously every day, like a free horse in the field. So she left the church completely, under the pretext of looking after the children, and abandoned all work of faith, and did not fast, and did not partake - and therefore an evil spirit moved into her, and for her sake it is painful for me to live. Constant embarrassment because of her, because of her many omissions around the house. God! punish her for her stubbornness and her negligence. I thank the Lord, who gave me the grace and wisdom to forgive my wife her sin against me in our house, for when I went to the customs office at five o’clock. baptize the baby and remembered the Lord's Prayer, Our Father, and the words: Leave us... as we leave - I from the heart forgave my wife's misdeeds and abuse against me and calmly performed the Mystery of Baptism, having renewed myself spiritually. I thank the Most Merciful. And after the christening, when I came home, I again encountered a reason for grief, again mutual grief, abuse, reproaches! I speak in reproof - she does not yield and blasphemes and does not pay attention to my claim. Now the time has come for Christian wisdom - gentleness, meekness, patience, blessings, not curses, not scolding for slander and humiliation, forgiveness from the heart of the insults inflicted on me by my sister-in-law. Deprived of the grace of love and peace with my wife because of worldly things - oh! what a great benefit am I missing out on! - The blessings of life, and I fall into spiritual death and into the hands of the devil! And because of what empty things! Only in the deprivation of peace do I realize how great the good is, how great the gift of God is peace! To preserve this good, you can endure everything, lose everything, endure everything: problems with household things, curses, even beatings, and the loss of your favorite things! Yes, I am guilty of insulting my wife, of being excessively demanding (at least I could easily do without those things that I needed repaired and which she did not fix), of being hot-tempered, irritable, harsh, obstinate, harsh! I must remember the words of the Apostle about love, or about its actions: love is long-suffering, merciful, does not envy, is not proud, does not act outrageously, is not irritated, does not think evil, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices in the truth, endures all things, bears all things, has faith in all things, love in no way falls away [1 Cor. 13, 1 – 8]. April 12. Eleven and a half o'clock at night. I sinned in the memory of my late brother-in-law, Priest Gregory, by bitterly begging him to take from me his orphaned children, because of whom I had so many temptations, so many bitter temptations, displeasures, omissions, enmity, hostility! I sinned together with my sister-in-law, the mother of the children, who did not raise them, the fruit of her womb, and with my wife, who entrusted them to abandoning me, to complete neglect of my affairs - and I bitterly asked her (in absentia, mentally) to take my children. I see that my wife is a good teacher, but my mother is better. The wife is partial to the children and spoils them: they will be too capricious - and they are. May the Lord return them to the bosom of their mother: this is more righteous. I thank the Lord, who gave me the opportunity to say to my wife at night: farewell, and I forgive. May forgiveness be sincere. Give me, Lord, patience! Grant me the remembrance, Lord, that I am an indecent person, trampled upon by everyone. God! Let go of my wife’s derogatory words—I don’t know what she says and does, or what am I saying? She speaks the pure truth, although in bitterness, anger and annoyance. Buy material for clothes for my sisters and send them from the store. Send them a silver tablespoon as a souvenir. Oh, how I have angered and always anger the Lord, and the Most Pure Mother of God, and my holy Guardian Angel, and the holy saint John of Rylsky, whose name I bear, whose protection I enjoy from God, and all the saints of whom I am a member - I angered with my anger, irritation, abuse, quarrel with my wife! I repent, have mercy, Lord! Do not be surprised that your wife dishonors you. The Lord Himself said that a prophet has no honor in his own country [Matt. 13, 57]. Forgive me, Lord, that I was often indignant in my heart and barked 67 at Father Archpriest and Philip Stepanov and some others for their cruelty towards the poor and towards me and for reproaching me for giving alms; Forgive me for my hostility towards them and allow me to sincerely pray for everyone as for myself, that they may repent, convert, change and be saved. Wake up. August 4, 1874 Sunday. What oppression and humiliation took possession of me last night at the council in the gymnasium as a result of domestic troubles and a quarrel with my wife. I was like in hell, bound, shamed, scorched, pressed. There was melancholy and despondency in my heart. I often raised my eyes to heaven - there was no benefit, there was no salvation, for I was grieved to the depths of my soul. He left the council without waiting for the end of it, and walked along the road (the snow was damp), reading evening prayers; At home I drank half a cup of milk and calmed down, giving peace to my wife. Slept well that night; got up easily. Melancholy, by the way, also comes from strong flower tea. I thank the Lord, who showed me the greatest mercy of His love for mankind, who called me to serve the early liturgy and pacified, revived and strengthened my soul and heart through the communion of the Divine Mysteries. Twice I was tempted by insignificant things: firstly, by the fact that during the Cherubic Song I was upset at the sexton, who soon sang Like the Cherubim, and at the end of the mass - during the requiem, at the watchman Timothy, who put a lot of incense in the censer. Only by the grace of God and the life-giving Mysteries, by faith in their healing, cleansing, merciful power, I was healed from heart disease, delivered from the violence of the enemy, from spiritual death, from sorrow and oppression. April 13. Saturday. Holy Martyr Artemon. Mass of the Kolmykovs after Anna Yakovlevna Kolmykova. From yesterday's meat-eating and satiety, from sleeping all night during the day, I tossed and turned from side to side from the excess of nutritious material, but also from small movement, and perhaps from the air in the room, which was not entirely clean, not sufficiently refreshed, but more so from the meat. Sunday. He served early mass with mental and physical difficulty from yesterday's satiety, but, however, quite smoothly; took communion with tenderness into the world of spiritual powers; served a prayer service calmly at fire guard 68 with Father Deacon Peter Sofronov; then at the stock exchange in the fish row at the baker's; he calmly and with feeling gave unction to Nikolai Grigoryevich Sidorov’s mother-in-law, Marfa Filipovna; then he served a prayer service with Toluzakov Alexander Vasilyevich and Anna Nikolaevna (and with Makova Alekseev.); then baptized in the Krause house; Having arrived home, I was extremely upset when I heard a whole outhouse in my office and in my bedroom, especially when my wife, instead of calming me down with a gentle speech, began to speak impudently and arrogantly; Because of her frenzy and insolence, I tore the earring out of one of her ears, and she began to scream and rage even worse and even cry. My God! Because of trifles, how much confusion, disorder, and enmity! I had to endure, at least for the hundredth time, this disorder and disobedience and rudeness of my wife, and my wife did not have to say rude things to me, given her constant disobedience, which has long offended me. God! We have sinned mutually, but with my wife, who has forgotten You and Your church and does not participate in the Sacraments of the Church, it is difficult for me to live in the world, for she is the devil. Lord, humble her! Teach her obedience. And I should never lose my temper because of the stench. You should not eat very sweet jam: sweet jam causes more irritation, for example, if there is a bad smell in the room. The stench passed, but the hostility in my heart because of her remained and, perhaps, will leave traces for a long time. It was better to endure the stench and not make quarrels, not say anything to anyone, but do everything quietly, and in general, have no attachment to the flesh, but stick to peace. Lord, I thank You for the humility and forbearance of my wife after enmity and quarrel with me; I thank you for the incident of the third day (previously this) and for the incident today, for soon, by Thy grace, her malice will fade away; may mine also be completely extinguished - but forgive and do not remember what has passed, O Lord, and stifle and disgrace him who stupefied us. April 13. Sunday. About the handsome Joseph and the myrrh-bearing women. Today I received sad news that two of my nephews, students of the Arkhangelsk Seminary, Ivan and Alexander Fidelin, were expelled from the institution for drunkenness. This is also due to my sins: I myself sent money, although not for wine, and even strictly warned against it. I wanted two orphans for the sake of temptation to send them to their mother because of them, but instead my two nephews became, as it were, orphans. God! Righteous are Your judgments upon us! But, by Your mercy, You Yourself show Your chicks this best path, and especially the saving path. They are in despair: comfort them, O Lord, Father of all, Trustee of all; They were sufficiently punished by the terrible torment that befell them soon after they were caught committing an offence. God! You listen to the chicks of the corvids calling on You, and listen to us who pray to You. It is said: Evening will come to rest, and joy will come in the morning [Ps. 29, 6]. Lord, comfort their parents, who grieve deeply for them: their souls are pierced by sharp arrows. Tell them the way, they will go there [Ps. 142, 8]. Father Abbot Theodosius warned me about my son-in-law Semyon, so that I should not send him a lot of money, so that he would not be spoiled by contentment, but now this happened to my nephews, whom my money spoiled: they began to drink wine, and they were expelled from the seminary. Good God! Your punishment is worthy both for me and for them! And I grieve for them and because of them. But, Lord, Lord! Dissolve Thy righteousness with mercy, send them Thy consolation through Thy Angels or through people who have an angelic disposition, so that they may not be consumed by much sorrow; To the same bosses and mentors and teachers who excluded them, inhale, Lord, a feeling of pity and the spirit of advice, so that they may instruct what to do and comfort the sad, for it is not only their job to exclude, but also to console the sad. Long-suffering! Take Your chicks to Your frame 69. People have very little patience (like me), for they are not filled with love, like You, for Your people: You spare everything, as is Your essence, O Lord, more loving! God! grant us all courage in adversity! This misfortune will be a protection and salvation from great evils for these chicks. You alone, Lord, know the consequences of our bad deeds, the chain of causes and consequences. God! Having deprived these chicks of Your mercy, find them with new mercy, for You have mercy and much deliverance; Your mercy is immeasurable and Your love for mankind is unsearchable. You punish and show mercy. You dead and you live, you bring down to hell and you raise [1 Sam. 2, 6 – 7 ]; kill and create life... 70 Amen. April 14. Monday. Dream. How I was beaten in some school, or rather, in a meeting of demons who took the form of evil and thieving schoolchildren; these evil and thieving boys and adults, how they ran around, how they tore my scarves out of my pockets (the demon’s mockery of my habit of collecting baptismal scarves); I barely, barely got through this ordeal! I have sinned, Lord! In this dream I see a denunciation of my covetousness! May I kiss non-covetousness! I thank the Lord, who had mercy on me and gave me again sweet peace with my wife, with myself, with God and people, who tamed the storm of demons and drove away the waters of evil from my soul. Oh, how hard it was for me yesterday after this storm, especially in the evening and at night! What dreams! Glory to Your long-suffering, O Lord, for my malice has not yet overcome Your unspeakable goodness and long-suffering. I thank You, Lord, for my wife’s love and kindness towards me, for her jealousy and zeal in preserving my health. You keep me, my Lord, Lord! God! Remember also my nephews, expelled from the seminary and suffering from fierce sorrow. And comfort them through their Guardian Angels and through good people, and do not exclude them from among the sheep of Your pasture, but, having punished them, have mercy on them. Amen. As you have mercy on me, have mercy on them. How many times in my life have I celebrated the Resurrection of Christ - and to this day I remain dead sinners, not raised from the dead according to what was spoken to me in the word of God: Arise, you who sleep, and rise from the dead, and Christ will give you light [Eph. 5, 14]. Grant me, O my Lord, Lord, to rise in my heart, loose the shackles of my passions that have killed me, and breathe new life into me, so that I may not live for myself, but for You, our Master and Benefactor 71, that is, not to live in the flesh for the rest of the time in the flesh, but to mortify carnal deeds with the Spirit, such as: anger, malice, envy, gluttony, covetousness, fornication, despondency, disobedience, self-will, etc. - and put on You, Your meekness, gentleness, holiness, obedience, self-control, non-covetousness. I served a prayer service in the morning at Shchegolev, a shopkeeper, in Tsepov’s house after homemade tea and coffee with bread, and I felt the powerlessness of my heart during the prayer service; could not pronounce some words; then, at twelve o’clock, the officer Myachin served a prayer service (in the house of Ivan Sidorov in Krasnaya Street) and also served with extreme difficulty - he could not pronounce some words from the action of the evil one, even the Lord’s Prayer before the appetizer. I came to the Cathedral for the all-night vigil; I wanted to sing stichera on the Lord, but I cried out, but my voice was weak, my heart was constricted, inflamed; left the choir; prayed with tears; I came to sing stichera on Praise, and my voice became strong, clear, and sonorous - from tears of repentance (glory to the Lord!), and I became calm and free. May I finally stop being upset with the poor, getting angry, shouting at them, and I will, with meekness, zeal, and willingly give them what they need to the best of my ability. And I insult the Lord with my vain anger (is it the fault of the poor that in their need they can only turn to me?), and I disturb my dignity, and I disturb myself personally, and I confuse strangers and the poor! And all this is due to deep self-love, lust, selfishness, dislike for God and neighbor, who is in the image of God. Woe to me, wretched one! Save me, Lord! Not knowing the contents of the letter from the tradesman Borisov, to whom I gave five rubles of money about seven weeks ago, yesterday (April 16) I rudely said about him, upon receiving a new letter from him, that I would not speak to him, but after reading his letter, I learned that he was a magnificent person, intelligent, conscientious, hardworking, as indeed he had been before. I believed this, but was not entirely sure of it. Having received the letter and not opening it, I thought that he was asking for money again, and I was upset with him. Oh money! money! How many troubles, injustices, and griefs you have caused! The cheese makes you feel a sharpness in your blood and a longing in your sides. During and after two prayer services at Brown and Pirogov’s, I felt extremely nervous from yesterday’s empty tea and from the stale cheese and rolls, from the soft-boiled eggs at dinner - like needles were sticking out in my sides, nervous pain and extreme irritability; from fear of demons during prayer there is even more confusion. Oh, how damned I am, and poor, and poor, and blind, and naked [Rev. 3, 17 ]! And all because of food and earthly goods! Blessed are those who live in the grace of God - she is their food, drink, bright and glorious robe, she is their light, strength, boldness, peace, freedom, consolation, joy! This happens to me, a sinner. At the Browns' shop at the prayer service, after tears of weakness, it was good for me too, and I began to say the great litany before the Blessing of Water prayer, but the serpent stung, wounded, instilled fear, and I began - alas! get confused and rush around! There is no need to lose heart and be embarrassed. I shouldn’t have eaten or drunk tea last night: today I’m suffering from nerves to the extreme from excess. Today it was extremely difficult for me during the cathedral liturgy, from yesterday’s bad cheese and empty tea, partly from the cloudy weather, I felt an extreme urge to sleep; the nerves are extremely painful and irritable; despondency; impotence; fear, weakness, pain; could not speak the royal family; I read the prayer behind the pulpit only thanks to the peaceful effect of the Holy Mysteries. In the evening I visited Ivan Yegorovich Brown and Avdotya Kirillovna; a conversation about the charitable person Anna Egorovna Fishvak, about the stingy generals - and at the same time proud and proud to the point of arrogance. I visited Semyon Ivanovich Nikolaev after mass, congratulated him on the Angel, and had a snack. The sovereign and empress have a wide range of activities: they do a lot of good in all parts of Russia; they deserve [special] love and reverence. The king is the representative of Divine power on earth. Power is given to you from the Lord, and strength from the Most High. Is it because of the strong tea that my heart is sad? What keeps me from sleeping and makes me toss and turn? - This is definitely strong tea. You don’t need to drink it, or very, very little, otherwise the poison will make your ribs crack and cause pain in your back and spinal column. I thank the Lord, who called me today to perform the bloodless Sacrifice and to partake of His heavenly, immortal and life-giving Mysteries - and who renewed me, pacified me, comforted me, enlightened me, and strengthened my soul. Oh, how life-giving, new-creating, healing are the Divine Mysteries! Without them I die, with them I come to life; without them I become weaker, with them I become stronger; without them I suffer, with them I am blissful; without them - in confusion, with them - in peace that surpasses the mind; without them - in darkness, with them - in light; without them in despondency, with them in confidence. Wonderful are the life-giving Mysteries! I prayed today before the life-giving Mysteries for my nephews, Ivan and Alexander, expelled from the seminary, may the Lord have mercy and prosper them; also about Bishop Juvenal and the rector, Archimandrite Donatus. Faith and hope are never put to shame. Friday. At Gerasim Filippovich Murashov's house they engaged the merchant's daughter Olga to Deacon Sofronov and then had dinner. Even before, long before my engagement, I drank two glasses of bitter English vodka on an empty stomach and ate sardines and salmon of the best quality and bread with cheese and butter; and after the betrothal they dined and drank wine again; before lunch we drank a glass of champagne; At dinner, I drank several glasses of sherry, so that when I came to the ship “Livadia” and began to serve a prayer service, my tongue and, especially, my heart, burdened with wines and dishes, began to betray me; fear, shame, fear, doubt struck me; I didn’t know where to put my eyes, and I barely finished the prayer service with omissions; and then, when they offered to drink half a glass of champagne, I again did not refuse, passionate and accursed, and drank; because when I then came to give prayer to the newborn at Velansky, my tongue and my heart completely compromised me. Confusion, fear, shame, doubt - they finally finished me off; there were many omissions. Then at home I dined on meat cutlets, a glass of milk and tea; then he walked for a long time near the English pickaxe. Slept well. In the morning I felt weak in my legs; the face looked exhausted from excessive nutritious foods and drinking wine, especially from long periods of walking. I have sinned before the Lord: I repent. An unpleasant thing happened between me and Anna Konstantinovna, my wife’s sister, today, April 19, at 4 o’clock in the evening: I began internally (or maybe she did before me - God knows) when I saw a letter from Verkola addressed to my name printed out; it was printed by Anna Konstantinovna together with her wife: without Anna Konstantinovna the letters are not printed; in addition, she sat casually lounging (this, however, is nothing). Oh, how stupid we are, like guys, and how evil we are, like adders 72! So anger began to swirl and swirl in my heart; confuses and oppresses and bores; I became involuntary within myself, a slave of sin. Sat down at the table; they served very little salad - he was offended, and Anna Konstantinovna was angry; I look at her and see her hostility on her face; a bottle of wine was brought; I can’t uncork it myself, I gave it to my wife - and suddenly she didn’t either; Anna Konstantinovna says with hostility to her because of me: beat off the neck, I say - it’s impossible; she says: if a man could not, then even less so a woman, and again with an air of hostility; I was very offended by this. Then, in connection with the letter she had read, she began to hint that I would leave her without a piece of bread (for, she thought, I was sending money, tea, and spoons to my family); she praised her brother Pyotr Konstantinovich for his frugality (and before she scolded her as much as she could) for leaving his wife with the money; I said that no one from your family was left without a piece of bread; she pointed to herself that she was left without bread; I said: it’s not true, you always lived with me with bread and were happy with everything. This seemed like a reproach to her, and she said: oh, these breads of yours are salty for me - and she began to cry and was angry with me. What's offensive about that? However, I spoke to her not out of love, not meekly, not out of simplicity of heart, not in kindness, but with a spirit of hostility: she felt it and out of pride she began to cry! I am a sinner before the Lord and before her. I went to church to record my income - and poured out my sorrow and my resentment before God, and repented of my sins and in the name of the priesthood of Christ, which was named upon me and vests me, I asked the Lord to pacify me and create peace between us. And, I thank the Lord, when I came home and, embarrassed by hostility, began to sincerely pray to the Lord to give us peace, the Lord gave this peace: my wife comes for a cassock, for a sample for sister Anna to sew a cassock for me; then, when I still sincerely prayed for peace to be given to us, Anna Konstantinovna herself comes, with a peaceful and humble spirit; She drove away, asking for blessings persistently, although I only wanted to kiss. I thank the Lord for this, who creates peace and turns hostility into affection, confusion and closeness of enmity - into peace and space of affection and love. Oh, grant me, Lord, to love. Take away the evil suspicion from me. Deliver us from evil! What sorrow and oppression oppressed me during the Sunday all-night vigil; what despondency, what spiritual weakness, what a weak voice! There was so much internal struggle! How many heartfelt cries to God for deliverance, mercy, salvation! What timidity, fear, irritability! But, thanks be to the Lord! In this sorrow, I was given tenderness, and tears, and spiritual contemplation, and sincere prayer for people, when I stood at the Gospel and they, approaching, venerated the Holy Gospel, and, standing at the throne, I imagined myself standing with the Angels at the throne of glory in heaven or on Calvary at the foot of the Cross of Christ - glorifying this unprecedented, terrible bloody spectacle when the Son God's Only Begotten, who voluntarily took upon Himself the sins of the world, was executed by the eternal righteousness of the Heavenly Father for the sins of me and all people! At the end of the all-night vigil, the exclamation was not said due to the cunning of demons; Christ, true Light... at the end I didn’t speak out of fear of demons; again sorrow and tightness; then, in repentance and hope, he firmly kissed the [small] shroud many times on the throne in the Pokrovsky chapel, asking for forgiveness of sins and deliverance from evil demons - and he became quite calm. The house was calm; ate and drank, by the way, beer. A prayer service was served cheerfully in the living room. Kars. I felt a good yoke and a light burden on my soul. Glory to the Lord for everything! His mercy endures forever! How my soul and my flesh were corrupted after the feast at Gerasim Murashov’s and drinking wine in different places, and after drinking vodka (a little at home with Biter [...])! I became completely sick at heart; enemies have overcome me, having settled inside me. Through many prayers, sighs, efforts, and tears, I got rid of them, and even then not completely. I embrace God’s life-giving, saving grace, I curse the stupid, absurd addiction to food and drink and all harmful intemperance that separates us from God and His grace! I ate meat at Murashov's. I should have stopped eating meat a long time ago: what a stench it makes from the belly, like a dead man! Because of meat food, my heart becomes extremely prodigal; It is extremely difficult for me to perform prayers in houses and services in the church, for Belial, with his prodigal trunk, confuses, rapes, and involuntarily drags me into internal sin. For the sake of purity of heart and spiritual strength, there is no need to eat meat: it is unnecessary and harmful for me. Grant this, Lord! He sinned - he cursed the servant Anna for sloppiness and constant irregularity, not respecting the blessing of God over her. For she is also a co-redeemer, and the Lord sought for her the blessing of His Father, destroying the oath by the cross and His burial and resurrection. I repent of this and remove the oath from her. Let her go, Lord: God knows what he’s doing. But I know what I do, and I sin in knowledge, I curse because of empty things. Morning. I thank the Lord, who showed me His mercy and help in the service of Matins and who delighted me with the reading of the canon. I couldn’t say the full litany because I doubted and was afraid of demonic obsession after I saw Gerasim Fedorovich Murashov standing in the church. With this fear, as was evident later, I embarrassed him too. Oh, we don’t need to look at anyone’s face when we work for the Lord, not even the one who wears the diadem or the royal crown, for service is God’s; God is the king of kings of the earth. I sinned against my servant Anna, with anger and malice telling her her imaginary evil thoughts and feelings against me: I didn’t even think about it, she told me in response. And I completely believe this and apologize to her. I was carried away by my hostility and anger against her for her frequent malfunctions. Lord, deliver me from earthly, prodigal, destructive love (love of earthly beauty, earthly pleasures, money, etc.) - but plant and establish heavenly, pure, life-giving love in me. Vine and branches [Jn. 15, 5 ]; wild olive and attached branches [Rom. 11, 17 ]; [...] barren fig tree [Matt. 21, 19]. (Bonifatius is a holy martyr, drunkard and saint). John the Theologian and the youth disciple. My sides crack at night from eating eggs, meat and milk with black bread late in the evening. You have to go to bed without food. How good, easy, peaceful, spacious, sweet it was yesterday in my soul and in my whole being, from communion of the Divine Mysteries at the Liturgy and after it - all day, to eating eggs, meat and milk with black bread! It's time for me to take up perfect abstinence. May I not tempt and no longer irritate the Lord, and may I not disfigure myself. The church of the Lord is my body and my heart. What is the need to wear the shackles of satiety and voluptuousness? The belly is waste, and the belly is waste: God will abolish both this and this [1 Cor. 6, 13]. What will I repay to my Lord for all the mercies poured out on me this day during the liturgy and public prayer service outside the church for the consecration of the collected cattle? During mass, the Lord revived me, killed by sin, delivered me from the violence of the enemy, gave me tenderness, a loud and clear voice, and most of all, shameless communion of the Divine Mysteries, which brought me life from the dead, purification, sanctification, peace, boldness, spiritual freedom, victory over invisible enemies and over passions. Glory to the Lord, His unspeakable mercy, His goodness, His saving right hand. His right hand has the power of salvation 47 [Ps. 19, 7]. The prayer service outside the church in front of a multitude of people was served cheerfully, by the grace of God, loudly, without stumbling. After Vespers, he was baptized by Prushevsky, the clerk, cheerfully, loudly, boldly, and unashamedly. (At lunch I ate soup with rice, roast veal with salad, after lunch I drank coffee with cream and tea.) The attack of earthly thoughts on the heart during prayer always hurts and confuses - but heavenly, spiritual thoughts, or the complete concentration of the heart in God, calm the soul, delight, enlighten, strengthen, nourish. What is more beautiful than the Creator? What is more valuable than the Creator? What is sweeter than the Creator? Who is richer than the Creator? Who is stronger than the Creator? Who is more obedient than the Creator? He is infinite beauty, infinite sweetness, infinite strength, inexhaustible wealth, omnipotent power. I thank my Lord, the miracle worker, who again performed a miracle of His mercy on me during the liturgy, in the communion of the Divine Mysteries of His Body and Blood, who took away and washed away my sins, who pacified, revived, sanctified my humble soul and healed my body. Evening. Today during mass I was subjected to extreme temptation because of my intemperance in the evening of last day, because of eating fish food in vegetable oil and because of a glass of milk on a fast day, namely: a cooling of the heart towards the most luminous, life-giving, terrible Sacrament of the Body and Blood of Christ, lack of faith during communion, crafty reasoning and therefore relaxation and oppression of the heart (in the Most Pure Blood it is clear the Lord is felt, but in the Most Pure Body - not felt, or vaguely felt - you see what nonsense: I want to feel, touch, like Thomas, the Lord - but where is faith?) But then, at the end of mass, when I subdued my co-questioning mind to the universal faith and remembered my countless cleansings, renewals, revivals, my joy and recognized with my heart Jesus Christ whole in His flesh under the guise of bread - then I completely calmed down and was amazed at the head of the proud Belial the all-evil. I can be full, cheerful and strong from a small amount of food and drink - why am I, crazy, greedily eating and drinking more than necessary and thereby burdening myself, relaxing myself, having restless, short, heavy sleep? - Away with the nonsense of life, which has been going on for so long! For gross pleasure I endure so much trouble! Away with sensual, instant pleasures! Soul, remember the eternal enjoyment of the spiritual blessings that God has promised to those who love Him. I thank the Lord, who gave me, unworthy, the word before the funeral of our brother Priest Vasily Chernyavsky. I got up early, and after Matins it was hard for me to overcome myself not to go to bed and write the word; During mass it was extremely difficult, especially during the reading of the Apostle and the Gospel. The milk I drank yesterday (Friday) caused me great moral harm: my heart and flesh were inflamed or were about to become inflamed with lust; The extreme burden came most of all from milk. After communion of the Holy Mysteries, I came to life, became encouraged, and calmed down. He said the word quite boldly. I don’t know how it worked and how it was rated. I thank the Lord, who has made me worthy to glorify His resurrection during the all-night vigil in the Duma church with a clear, sonorous voice. I thank the Lord for providing for the poor: today one artisan gave me five rubles after the all-night vigil to distribute to the poor. By the grace of God, I am a servant of the Creator of heaven and earth and the Savior of the human race. Am I aware of my dignity as a priest and my unworthiness as a sinner? Am I trying to be worthy of such a dignity, such trust in me from the Lord and the Church? Laity, do you understand the dignity of your shepherds? I prayed to the Lord and Mother of God today for my nephews John, Alexander, Evdokim, may they look upon them for good. Lord, have mercy! I thank the Lord for a restful sleep after fervent prayers; dairy food produces a strong lustful sweetness. Yesterday, before today's rain, my leg hurt. Carnal pleasures, such as the pleasures of food and drink, delicacy, especially illicit sexual pleasures, alienate a person from God; earthly love in general, worldly passions (including theater) alienate a person from God. Let him who understands save his soul, leaving all attachments for the sake of Creative love. For the sake of heartfelt purity and ardent love for God and neighbor, one must avoid sensual pleasures - milk, meat, sweet tea, coffee, because from their frequent and immoderate use, prodigal inclinations and dispositions of the heart and flesh arise, make a person an unclean dog before God and remove him from God, the Source of life and the holy. In addition, these pleasures are the cause of unclean thoughts regarding people, defile them in our eyes and remove them from them. How many troubles come from sexual pleasure! You must immediately abandon all unnecessary pleasures of the womb. Food is for the belly, and the belly is for food; but God will destroy both. The body is not for fornication, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body. God raised the Lord, and He will also raise us by His power [1 Cor. 6, 13–14]. I thank the Lord, who has deigned me to perform the Divine, heavenly, universal, super-worldly, terrible liturgy and also to partake of the Divine immortal, life-giving and terrible Mysteries. Yesterday's glass of milk, drunk unnecessarily in the evening, did a lot of harm to me morally: it weakened me, cooled my heart towards God, and infected it with uncleanness. After communion, the Lord cleansed, pacified and revived me. Praise the Lord. The thanksgiving prayer was served with boldness. God bless. Mr. [Russet] celebrated the wedding with boldness. God bless! In the evening I celebrated the wedding badly, powerlessly, with the enemy laughing at me; and this is because with sweet tea at Prokofieva’s and a home-cooked dinner (cheesecake, soup, partly with liver) he relaxed his heart, depriving it of the grace of the Holy Spirit through his intemperance. I sinned before the Lord. And at the sight of the bride he somewhat relaxed; the memory of sister Anna Konstantinovna was somewhat confusing. Maria Arsenyevna's coffee before the wedding got hot. I thank the Lord, who heard the prayer to girdle me with power from above to consummate my third marriage (yesterday) and who gave me this strength. I accomplished it with strength, with boldness, without stumbling, freely, peacefully, cordially. This morning, in the apartment of Evdokia Kirillovna Brown, my heart weakened from the enemy’s unclean excuses, from absurd thoughts, fell into fear, and I vaguely served a memorial service (forty days of her mother Matryona Yegorovna); To be honest, he was embarrassed, couldn’t look him straight in the face and didn’t speak out of fear and embarrassment. But in another house with Marya Alekseevna, the widow of the blacksmith Yegor Ivanovich, he performed a memorial service without hindrance, strengthened by the grace of God. Oh, my damnation! How unclean my heart is! How weak I am! Convenient to sin! I want to have an eternal fellowship with grace. God! God! Don't leave me. Who is God? (When I went to Brown, I was indignant at the beggar boy for his persistence and did not give him alms. I sinned.) I thank the Lord, who soon heard the prayer of faith, hope and repentance in Shvetsov’s house, after the christening of the baby at Vevinsky’s (fathers Euler and Adamovich Dorothea), when I felt embarrassed and cramped from some unspoken words in the prayers; I received forgiveness, mercy and peace from the Lord - He descended into my heart and filled it. Glory to the Lord! We are the race of God. Mother of God dear to us; the holy saints of God are dear to us in the Lord - all His flesh and blood and bones. We are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones [Eph. 5, 30]. With what love, with what hope should we call upon them! How we should always live! We must love truth and hate lawlessness. The everlasting and purest source of our joy is the wondrous, unceasing, natural and supernatural providence for us, about our salvation in Christ of the Heavenly Father, and not earthly rewards and honors, which are fleeting and do not bring any benefit to the soul - not earthly wealth, perishable, not the enjoyment of perishable food and drink, not entertainment venues, theaters, clubs, not music and other musical instruments. How often the sting of earthly blessings confuses, oppresses and intoxicates our soul, which is heavenly with the Lord (he who ascends to heaven, will be cast down to hell [Matthew 11:23])! Another lacks some earthly trifle, which is precious in the eyes of people or only some people - and the person himself is not himself, and has forgotten his faith in God, and has lost his love for God. Earthly love is so harmful to a Christian: it clouds, saddens, weakens his soul, makes it unfaithful, adulterous, unclean, crafty, passionate. I present to you this child purified, sanctified, enlightened by the Trinity light of rebirth, renewed, protected by the Guardian Angel. Keep it like the apple of your eye, educate it and strengthen it over time in the fear of God. Vynu (Church Glav.) - always, incessantly. Prisny (Church Slavic) is always a close, dear person. Layati (Church Glav.) – scold, vilify; to seek, to scheme. Guard watch is a ship set up to monitor compliance with navigation rules. Ramo (Church Slavic) – shoulder. A prayer from the succession of thanksgiving and prayer singing to the Lord God, sung on the day of the Nativity of our Savior Jesus Christ according to the flesh and the remembrance of the deliverance of the Church and the Russian state from the invasion of the Gauls and twenty languages. Prayer “Thank You, O Lord my God...” from the sequence of prayers of thanksgiving for Holy Communion. Asp (Greek) – poisonous snake; in a figurative sense, an evil person, a miser, a stingy person. 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