Diary. Volume XXIII. 1880–1882

I • II • III • IV • V • VI • VII • VIII • IX • X • XI • XII • XIII • XIV • XV • XVI • XVII • XVIII • XIX • XX • XXI • XXII • XXIII • XXIV • XXV • XXVI Don't give Elena [K...] illustrated newspapers. Never eat milk with black bread at night, never drink chocolate at a party, never drink champagne - all this extremely stimulates voluptuousness. From May 23 to 24, I could not sleep at night from the burden and cramped conditions and lustful burning. I don’t need to eat horseradish with vinegar with any food: it gives me a nervous headache, from the vinegar and the pungency of horseradish. Dmitry Gavrilovich Galkin. You looked voluptuously, and your heart and body relaxed, and you approached the gates of death. Draw up a plan for the service and write an explanation of it with all its greatness, sweetness, salvation, with all its wonderful properties. To Dmitry Stepanovich Kurmishov on February 26, 1881 with communion at nine o’clock in the morning and a prayer service. Tell the sexton at Matins. On March 4, 1882, five rubles were given to commemorate Pelagia during her life and death. Remember her, Lord, in Your Kingdom. Burachok's Lives of the Saints is not in numbers. Alexey Moiseevich too. Pavel Stepanovich Burachk received the conversations of John of Smolensk on April 11, 1882, on Sunday, about the myrrh-bearers. In the third grade, the book Collection was given for reading (on Saturday, April 10). August 18, 1881 (after cleaning and painting the entire interior of the cathedral). Ask the headman to appoint a skillful observer for the marking of the cathedral watchmen, especially on holidays, when a lot of people gather, which brings a lot of dust and dirt on their feet. According to Your word I will let down the net [Luke 5:5]. Permission for me to wear the precious pectoral cross from the consistory No. 1116 of April 28, 1881. Go to Turygin's dacha in the evening on any day. June 30, 1881. May 20, 1981 Note. Smoke, like soot, glides only over the outside of metals and minerals, without penetrating inside them, and the attacks of the evil one, due to our addiction to these fossil objects, penetrate into the very depths of the soul and kill it and separate it from God. How foolish it is to have an addiction to perishable things! It will destroy the immortal soul, created in the image and likeness of God. Write letters to the Father Superior's name. Vasily the newly deceased (Volkov, peasant of Onega district) will be commemorated for a whole year at liturgies from April 28, 1881. About the health and salvation of Catherine (two weeks) from April 28, the other Catherine (Ratch) and about everyone who commanded me, unworthy, to pray for them. Assign tickets for the eighth grade (by Monday, May 4, 1881). God! [In Thy mercy] and bounty, remember Thy deceased servant Peter (Mokin), whom Mother Nadezhda prays to Thee for this through my humility and insignificance! May 20, 1881. Ascension Eve. (She gave three rubles to the poor.) August 5, 1881. It would be good to ensure that the Kronstadt burghers, who have work, and some even live in the House of Diligence, could go to church on Sundays and holidays as its members, and annually receive Holy Communion, otherwise it is known that many of them have not been to church for ten or more years due to poverty and lack of decent clothing. August 19. Renew and beautify your inner church, the village of the Holy Trinity. Beware of sinful dust. September 14, 1881 The book of St. Ephraim the Syrian’s work was given to Anna Beloborodova (who lived with Lieutenant Mikhail Fedorovich Alekseev) for reading. The other one is given. September 18, 1881. Remember Alexei, Anastasia and children Anna. On October 9, 1981, spiritual books were given to first and fourth graders to read. On November 12, 1881, I sent five rubles with a card and a brochure to my nephew Peter Fidelin. General Nadezhda Nikolaevna Nikolaeva in St. Petersburg in Baskov Lane near Znamenya, Uglova House, No. 16, apartment No. 2. We must visit her in the name of God. What nasty heartburn from fried fish. Do not eat fish fried in vegetable oil at night, or fish in general. On March 5, 1882, a fourth-grade student, Belevich, was given the book “On Education among Ancient Christians.” To instill in students and laity to accustom their minds and hearts to self-activity at all times, and especially during home and public prayer, to meditation, to a living feeling of repentance, tenderness, thanksgiving and praise to God. This is very useful and revitalizes the soul, enlightens, strengthens, consoles, makes it fruitful with good thoughts, feelings, and deeds. Without the initiative of the mind and heart, everything becomes muffled, dull, dead, fades, and disappears. November 14, 1881 Saturday. Deacon Poletaev showed me blatant disobedience today: according to my instructions, he did not want to sweep away the dust from the holy altar, which covered it in a thick layer. When he didn’t want to do it, I did it myself, although I was outraged by his disobedience and, in addition, by his laughter. (Solemn cathedral service.) You need to change tactics with the deacon and be more dispassionate, colder, more sedate with him, and behave with the dignity of an archpriest. November 16. You are marvelous, Lord, in your providence for me and for Your poor people, for from time to time people from whom I never expected to receive anything put money into my hands, and as I give to the poor, my hand is filled with Your goodness. Will I still be stingy and hard-hearted towards the poor, obstinate and harsh and reproachful? Until now I had too much respect for Deacon Poletaev, too much indulgence; That’s why he stopped appreciating and respecting me. But now, with his disobedience to me in the most sacred matter, the halo of respect for him must subside and fade, and I must see him as he is - a proud and rude, uneducated man and treat him with the dignity of an archpriest and an old servant. With the measure you use, it will be measured to you [Matthew 7:2]. He does not participate in anything good and has become completely coarse in his pride and arrogance. The rector has long appreciated the deacons and sextons and treats them as they deserve, he behaves with dignity, authority, and calm. May 30, 1882 Sunday (ninth o'clock in the morning). Because of trifles, what a terrible temptation and deadly plague, what a terrible sting of the devil! At Walczynski’s prayer service, the sexton put incense that was more appropriate, but there were few coals, and they went out; I began to fan it, and a lot of smoke came out, for which I was upset with him that I had put in a lot and that the smoke was eating the eyes and getting into the respiratory organs. The devil, through this addiction to the flesh and aversion to excess incense, stung and killed my soul so much that I could not serve the prayer service and became full of ulcers and illness. And why were you afraid? - Incense. Oh, dreamer 1! Oh, pampered in all senses! What am I capable of? What patience, deprivation, self-sacrifice? (There was a prayer service in Lebedeva’s former house on Kupecheskaya Street.) Having arrived home, I fervently prayed to the Lord to have mercy on me and deliver me from the deadly sting of the devil and from my cowardice and vanity, and the Lord had mercy. There was also a temptation earlier in the prayer service today with the St. Petersburg fisherman Kosma Faddeevich and his comrades, whom I ordered to commune at an early mass, and not at a later one, and ordered them to tell Father Peter, who served the early mass, about their communion, but they did not obey and certainly wanted to go to the later one, disparaging Jesus Christ in the celebrants of His Mysteries and the Mysteries themselves, equally performed by all serving priests, for one Christ, their Finisher. I was upset and angry with them, not allowing them to receive communion later, for I intended to preach a sermon and did not want to delay mass for the sake of the communicants. Forgive me, Lord, for this sin and forgive these three who did not listen to me, for they do not know what they are doing. Dream, daydream (Church Glav.) - empty appearance, ghost, seduction.