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Illness and algorithms of faithtranslated

September 2, 2026 · 1 min read

I started going to church when I was an adult, twelve years ago. I remember that it was the New Year holidays: the children were nearby, the parents came to visit, we were preparing the table with the TV in the background... Everything was like everyone else. And suddenly I say: “Mom, I’m so tired of this monotony. Let’s go to the Zhadovsky Monastery?” .

I accidentally heard something about the monastery. We got ready and went to the bus station and took the bus to Barysh. From the turn (at that time buses did not go straight to the monastery) we walked several kilometers. A blizzard, a blizzard, we are all bundled up... Honestly, now I won’t go like that anymore - I don’t have enough courage and strength, and then the Lord gave everything in abundance! We lived in the monastery until Christmas and performed small obediences. We can say that my church life began with this wondrous pilgrimage. The Lord brought me to the church not through any shocks or sorrows, as often happens... No, I had an ordinary life, I just suddenly realized that if I live even one more day the way I did before, without God, I will simply die. At the same time, everything was fine with health, there were no external reasons for such thoughts, it was a state of mind. I remember how I prayed in front of the icons: “Lord, I understood everything. I want to live with You!” This is how my...

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نور عبود

أحسنتِ على القصة. تذكرتُ كيف أني أول مرة رحت مع أولادي لدير في لبنان، كان الطريق طويل والثلج ينزل، بس رجعنا بنعمة ما تنوصف. عجبتني جملتك «لو عشت يوم زيادة بدون الله بموت»، هذا بالضبط اللي حسيته أنا قبل ما أبدأ أروح الكنيسة بانتظام.

Katherine Davis

That first trip to Zhadovsky in the snow with your kids and parents really stuck with me — the part about walking those kilometers in the blizzard after the bus drop-off sounds exactly like the kind of thing that only happens when grace is carrying you. I felt the same sudden “if I keep living like this one more day I’ll just die” feeling years ago, even though nothing was obviously wrong on the outside. Thanks for writing it so plainly.

ريتا حداد

شكراً يا نور، عجبتني قصتك عن الطريق الطويل والثلج في لبنان. أنا كمان حسيت بنفس الشيء اللي قلتيه، إن اليوم الزيادة بدون الله بيحسسني إني خلصت. أي دير كان اللي رحتي مع أولادك؟

Тодор Кирилов

Прочетох историята ти и ми хареса точно това място с автобуса до Барыша и после няколкото километра в метелта с децата и родителите. Аз съм от Пловдив, но веднъж с жена ми и дъщерята (тогава беше на 14) ходихме зимно време до един манастир в Стара планина и също ни се струваше, че силите идват отнякъде. После се прибрахме и животът ни вече не беше същият. Благодаря, че сподели.

Полина Павлова

Помню, как сама в первый раз в Жадовский ездила, тоже от поворота после Барыша пешком топали, только без детей и в мороз, а не в метель. У меня точно так же было: вдруг поняла, что ещё один день без Бога — и всё, больше не смогу. Спасибо, что написала, как оно бывает без всяких внешних потрясений, просто внутри перевернулось. А что за послушания вам там дали на те дни до Рождества?

إلياس نصار

Hello Nour, I liked that you said almost the same sentence. When I returned from the trip to the monastery, I also started saying to myself: “Without God, the next day will save me.” The snow you mentioned reminds me of the road from Parish to the monastery. It was the same weather. Which monastery in Lebanon was it?