Письмо 94

Thank God that He has vouchsafed you to enter the holy monastery, and ask: may He confirm you not to waver in your good intentions. I cannot approve of this, that because of the sorrows that happened to you at home, you fell into despair, and you no longer have the same faith in God and in the monastery. God tempts those who love Him with various sorrows to see if their faith and love for Him is strong; and those who have dedicated themselves to monastic life must prepare themselves for sorrows, because through many sorrows it is fitting for us to enter the kingdom of God (Acts 14:22); Yes, and every good deed is tempted by the contrary, and the Lord sent you these sorrows to temptation; and you are already weak in faith, while you need to prepare yourself for even greater sorrows and believe that without the will of God nothing can happen to us; When you, for the first time, turned out to be so impatient, that’s why your will is not firm, and you, apparently, thought to find only peace in the monastery; but this cannot be. You complain about the severity of T..., but this is what you need; she has already lived in a monastery, and is more experienced than you in distinguishing between what is good and what is bad; and you, having lost faith in her, do not heed her instructions. What right do I have to allow you to go to a revelation to this or that nun: you have a boss, she should take care of your souls, and entrust someone with the task of caring for you; or your spiritual father, who knows the dispensation of each of you, can give you advice about this. I can't tell you anything more; I only wish to accept everything with humility and self-reproach, then sorrows will be easy. I.M. December 6, 1841. You might be interested in: