Письмо 77

Having received your letter, I was not the least surprised that you were dissatisfied with my letter, in which I wrote the truth, wishing you spiritual benefit and peace, and did not reject it at all. In the last letter you write that you mistakenly accepted the opinion, and then, having understood the meaning of it, you used it. Bring thanks to the Lord for this; When you follow my advice, you will see the benefits yourself. However, you arrogantly say that from now on you will remain silent regarding me, and will bear sorrow for me, as you said before, and out of insane jealousy, wanting to turn your sisters to me. What is this for? Are I really the only people? But you don’t know what a burden this imposed on me: I already don’t have free time, and you still wanted to deprive me of it. God bless! You have pious elders in the monasteries, if only you have faith, they can guide you on the true path. Then you yourself see that you do not bear sorrows as you should; you wanted to get rid of grief with immeasurable bows, but what benefit did they bring you? Patience and self-reproach will more likely bring you peace of mind. You see to what heights you have reached - when you stand in prayer, or begin to pray mentally, you don’t remember anything earthly. Do you think this is true prayer? But on the contrary, true charm leads you to arrogance and again lifts you to imaginary heaven; and I advise you to humbly pray, see your sins, and not at all think that you have achieved such an ineffective prayer. Obviously, the enemy gives in and does not fight you to seduce you with arrogance; and your tears are wrong. “Whoever does not imagine himself to be a sinner, his prayer is not favorable before God,” writes St. Isaac (Sk. 55). You have such double-mindedness: then you remember my words: what is this to you from delusion, that you are unworthy of this; then again you grieve that you are depriving yourself of this vision. You need to establish yourself on one thing and believe that God is able to deliver you from delusion; and even more so when you come to terms with it. You say that you are struggling with thoughts so much that you feel pain in your chest. Seeing your weakness in the struggle with thoughts, submit yourself before God with humility and call on His help: He is strong to drive them away, just do not attribute victory to yourself. When it is God’s will for you to be with us, and there will be benefit from this, then your desire will be fulfilled, but until then, be calm and do not give others a reason to be tempted. I remain the sinful I.M. October 25, 1847. You might be interested in: