Письмо 73

I find you worthy of regret in your actions: “I have no patience - I want to be here”! What are you boasting about? There is no patience, and why? How does it benefit you to come here? When there is no longer patience in this, then how can you have it? I’ve been there many times, but what fruits does my imaginary instruction bring you? I feel shame and my heart is tight. What good does it do if you sit alone and the door is locked on a hook? You pray and think that by doing so you will be saved; you want a robe and it’s like that’s the only thing missing. What happened to you? Already foreknowledge, dream visions, and obvious phenomena, which you took all for good; and she was deceived by her shrine to the point that the enemy clearly began to appear. What fruits are these? Fruits of pride; but you took everything for good, and even now you think that the enemy is rebelling against you for your exploits, but you don’t understand that for your pride you are being punished by God. The fruits of our deeds should bring humility, and consider ourselves unworthy not only of revelations, visions and phenomena, but even to live with the sisters - considering ourselves the worst of all: then the grace of God would visit you - but not in this way, but with inner peace and tranquility and love for everyone. Your actions are completely contrary, and are very much in agreement with the teaching of one elder: “There is no servility and unreasonable jealousy of the fasting and labors of the saints, not implying this with good reason and proposal, as virtue passes; the devil crouches like a lion to catch, plunges into their womb the seed of a joyful opinion, from which the inner Pharisee will be raised; and so, day by day, being destroyed (increasing), betrays such people to perfect pride, even for the sake of God the regions of Satan are allowed from God” (Ed. on the book Nila Sor). Didn’t I talk and write to you about this many times, so as not to consider my rule and solitude too great? And most of all, care about the correction of morality, in communicating with neighbors with patience, annoyances and reproaches; With your dispensation, silence is very harmful for you: you need to have sociable coexistence, so that, recognizing your measure, you come to humility. You write now that I opened your eyes, and you will know that all this was a temptation for you from the enemy; but I did not get rid of dreams and fear: this requires extreme humility, and prayer is not Pharisee, but publican; May the Lord deliver you from this great delusion. The rotten fruit of my instruction has become frozen: an insult to my mother. Is this what I taught you? And now you’re embarrassed that I don’t forgive you for this. Where did you come up with this? I do not bind you and do not forgive you: because I do not have the right to write permission to another diocese in absentia; which I also wrote about more than once: there are church rules for this, and you are forcing me to violate them, and even if I wrote: I forgive and allow, I myself would have sinned, and you would not have received permission. As for my personality, what you sinned against me, I forgive you in writing and in absentia; and for your other sins you have a confessor there, who has full power from the Lord to bind and decide sins according to judgment from the Lord. But when someone has offended someone, has enmity, and has not been reconciled with someone, then the confessor’s permission will not work, even if he gives permission; and he himself sins gravely, and leads him into greater sin. Reconcile with your mother, receive forgiveness from her; then you will receive it from God. I do not forbid you to come to us, but the direct way, having asked permission from the abbess and the mother: and not to hobble along crooked roads and crossroads: for you will not receive any benefit and will offend me. According to your dispensation, it would be necessary for you to have a revelation (of thoughts) to a skilled person there more often, so that both the rule and all your actions would be limited and humble. Entrusting you to the protection of God, I remain the desirer of your salvation, the sinful hieromonk Macarius. May 24th 1847. You might be interested in: