Письмо 43

Why were you so horrified by my departure? Even if this happened, then everything should be surrendered to the will of God, and not be embarrassed; He has many most worthy servants, but I, the most insignificant, must fear for my unworthiness to give an answer to God. Meanwhile, it is still His will for me to remain in this world; I, having been ill for several days, again rose from my sickbed: after all, it’s bad when this messenger of death never visits us. I hasten, with the first mail, to quench your cowardice and in advance I ask you to be more generous and not to be embarrassed. Fearing my impending absence, you described all your sins, and ask me for permission. All of your sins have already been confessed to the late priest, and to me, and you have already received permission for them more than once; why she should be at peace, in the hope of God’s mercy and the merits of His Son, our Lord Jesus Christ; however, we must have the sting of illness about sins, but without embarrassment and despair; like King David, and after the remission of sins, he wet the bed with tears every night (Ps. 6:7), he ate ashes like bread, and dissolved the drink with weeping (Ps. 101:10), and his sin was taken away from him (Ps. 50:5); and he encouraged both himself and us that God will not despise broken and humble hearts (Ps. 50:19). St. Apostle Peter, and after receiving the Holy Spirit and His gifts, always remembered his sin and cried about it; also St. Paul, after great feats, labors and talents, still called himself the last; and the first sinner, blasphemer, etc. - All this serves as an example to us that pain over sins is useful even after confessing them, only without despair, and again in the new grace there are many examples of repentance: one robber came to the monastery, and through many labors and repentance, received peace about his sins, but in one sin he was always tormented by his conscience, which is why he considered himself unforgiven; but, according to the reasoning of St. fathers, and this sin was forgiven him, but the sting of illness was left, so that, feeling it, he would not ascend in his heart about his holiness. The fate of God's providence and grace is incomprehensible to us! The humble are more likely to calm down; but the proud, or those who are sick with opinion, suffer more from the goring of their conscience, so that they no longer become proud and perish. So, you must, humbly dreaming about yourself, calm down in the hope of God’s mercy. I personally gave you permission and mentally forgive you, and it is enough for you: the Lord is able to grant you forgiveness. Be peaceful. Mnogohreshny I. M. February 13, 1843. You might be interested in: