Письмо 187

A poor dispensation has come over N., such that you avoid meeting him and don’t want to pass by his cell. After all, this is a guarantee of malice in you; What good is it that you hear my word? What do you learn? Be smarter and more humble, correct yourself and your structure. You write about the building together, and about the fact that you are afraid to be burdened by your conscience for your interest, which is what you already experienced with N.N.; of course, it is better to make, if possible, a concession rather than sedition; There will be no peace when your neighbor grieves, and it is better to do what tends towards peace. Again you think: when you are separate, you will calm down, not at all; but if you humble yourself and reproach yourself, you will find peace. Your irritability cannot be destroyed when no one touches you, but it will increase even more: and when they show it to you, then, with God’s help and self-reproach, you can receive healing. You accepted N. N.’s grief very warmly: she is very complacent; let her better leave it to the will of God; He will better arrange us for her benefit, and if he takes us away from this marriage, he will save us from union with a Catholic of a different faith. What is it like to be united in flesh and separated in faith? How all this will end, I cannot know, not having the gift of insight. You must act prudently with your cell, not be too demanding, but rather according to your own whim, and not allow yourself to become self-willed and self-indulgent; you also need to show condescension, otherwise she will become discouraged and will not serve you: she is also a person, and the enemy is fighting her too; she lives without will, and you must destroy your whims; when you correct yourself, God will help you with this too. You say that your soul is difficult and restless: this is due to nothing other than your proud disposition. The Lord calms and consoles the humble and meek, and the proud reap the fruits of their dispensation: confusion, unworldliness, anxiety, etc., as St. Isaac the Syrian; to live in a monastery - she did not come for peace, but to fight against passions and evil spirits; Then there will be peace when we overcome passions and become completely humble. When talking, fill your hearing with the good, and forget the bad, and even stop the conversation, and do not explore with curiosity. Don’t demand frequent letters from me, read the books yourself and do them; and when you demand letters, you don’t feel sorry for me: even if I die, write to you. I remain the wisher for your health and salvation, many-sinful hieromonk Macarius. October 23, 1857. You might be interested in: