Письмо 186

I don’t remember the location of your cell; and you keep your conscience, so as not to embarrass your neighbor, and do not be led by selfishness; remember that the coffin will be even closer than the cell, and who knows whether it is far from us? You keep repeating that you long for the word, and you mourn your delay in arriving here: how long have you been here and heard everything you need? Now my word to you: have a rejection of your will and mind, for you are accustomed to doing what you want, and not what you are told and what is useful to you; your thirst, I know where it comes from: it must be abolished by the word of God and the teachings of the fathers. You write that you try to be alone and not have company: this is not necessary; but what kind of pledge do you have to N. N. “that you don’t want to meet with them and walk past their cells,” then this is your disastrous dispensation and shows that there is a pledge of malice; You should not at all avoid meeting them or bypass their cells, but go with a humble disposition; and when you feel unpleasant from meeting them, it means harboring anger; You have goodwill towards them, as you do towards all the sisters, considering yourself the worst of all; and there is no need to invite anyone to your place; whoever comes should not be refused, but engage in a useful conversation, and not judge anyone. You write that you have peace; but what kind of peace is this when you carry arrows of rancor in your heart? - this is seduction. I wish you to know the true mind. The sinful hieromonk Macarius. July 1, 1857. You might be interested in: