Письмо 164

You complain about your gloom and boredom, and something weighing on your soul; You regret your past joyful peace, and meanwhile, you recognize yourself in negligence and laziness, commitment to the world and its pleasures. How can this be reconciled with spiritual life? You thereby find emptiness in yourself, and bring on darkness and boredom, and at the same time you left prayer and rules for gaining from work. However, you should know, even if you lead an active spiritual life, you should not always seek joy and tranquility; This is used only by those who have completely mortified themselves in the world and have humbled themselves; and without humility, receiving spiritual gifts is very dangerous, it can seduce and harm. If at the beginning you had spiritual joy and peace, then God’s grace gave it to you, like a baby crying for milk; and having matured, we also require solid food; - withdrawal of grace for your humility. And those who stand in their rank and work for God, and they suffer darkness, boredom, despondency, and so on, to their prosperity; and in time grace visits, as they are arranged; and you, not seeing anything, already wanted to enjoy the fruits of peace and tranquility, which are bestowed through many deeds and labors, through the victory of passions and the acquisition of humility. Read the books of the fathers, and you will understand this, and especially read Saint Isaac the Syrian in chapters 46 and 79. In this last thing you will see that this is tolerated for pride; and healing it is humility. May the Lord confirm you in the monastic life and instruct you to learn spiritual warfare, how to resist passions and overcome them. Mnogohreshny I. M. February 4, 1855. You might be interested in: