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I grieve for your hesitation, that you hesitate to live in .... the monastery. Do you think you can find better somewhere else? - Not at all. You will go there and take your passions with you; and if you have not yet found a person who can console you in sorrow or strengthen you in passions, then you will be very confused, but here God has sent you spiritual support; be grateful to the Lord; the embarrassment that has come over you, you yourself understand that it is from the enemy, and the strongest weapon against the enemy is humility. Having opened up about your embarrassment to Mother M., take advice from her and do not listen to the instigations of the enemy who is expelling you from this monastery; when you submit to these thoughts, you will be completely expelled from the monastery into the world. I believe that you, judging others, consider yourself to be something, elevating your mind; and when, having recognized your weakness, you humble yourself, you will get rid of this temptation. I don’t like that you were overcome by the passion of envy. Oh, how harmful this passion is, everyone knows. The cure for this is self-reproach and humility. As for the worldly, let them live and enjoy the world: we have left it and must make war with the enemy, who is trying to overthrow us with the pledge of our passions; and when we struggle, God helps us, and, having conquered passions, we gain freedom and peace; but for all passions, victory is humility. Read Nil Sorsky and Niphon, professor. at the end of the book of St. Barsanuphia. All fathers teach us humility, so that we consider ourselves the last of all; for the saints, for all their holiness, considered themselves this way. I wish you too to acquire this wealth and receive salvation. I remain the sinful I.M. November 3, 1853. You might be interested in: