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You write about your intention to go to the monastery and see it, and ask me for a letter to the abbess; and your mother writes, asking to persuade you not to go to the monastery during her lifetime, so that separation from you does not kill her. I am in great difficulty in this regard: I feel sorry for her, and more so because she has such an opinion about monastic life, and this upsets her. And I cannot dissuade you, because you, not on my advice, have the intention to enter into this life, but according to God’s knowledge, which you have been feeling for three years now: but I never advised you, but imagined surrendering to the will of God; He, having called you, is strong and will arrange this path for you, destroying all barriers. And as you are now escaping from the world through the sorrows that have befallen you, which you cannot bear, I warn you that you will meet them in the monastery, for this is the way: Christ the Savior Himself walked the way of the cross, and He left us an image, so that we may follow His footsteps. Here you must also accustom yourself to patience and enduring the sorrows that occur; and when, running away from them, you go away, then you will find yourself impatient there too; wait a while and endure temptations, it will be much more beneficial for you; and meanwhile pray to God for the arrangement of your path. However, do not get carried away and do not be seduced by the vanity of the world, and your parents, seeing you as alien to the world and as if unnecessary for it, will complacently send you to the monastery to work for our Lord Jesus Christ; and they themselves will still be consoled by this, and all this will happen when God’s will! You will have to be patient for now; for the love of God is tempted by the contrary: does it not waver, and every good deed is either preceded or followed by temptation; otherwise it will not be durable. Hieromonk Macarius. August 31, 1838. You might be interested in: