Письмо 112
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You recognize yourself that you are sinning against God through cowardice in your sorrows and in your mother’s illness. Imagine: who is God! And who are we? He is the Creator; and we are His creation. Doesn't He care about us? Is it not by His delusion that we still live, and move, and are (Acts 17:28). Although He allows sorrow, all this comes from His love, in order to cleanse our sins and create those worthy of a future blessed life. What is here is temporary, but what is there is eternal. Cast all your sorrow upon Him, and cast down your weakness before Him, blaming yourself: then He will make imaginary heavy sorrows seem light and even send consolation.
Do not listen to the thought that there is no salvation for you due to impatience, and that your soul is lost. All these are the machinations of one and the same enemy; it encourages impatience and then despair. Bring repentance for impatience, and apply God’s mercy as a remedy for despair. During battle, self-reproach and humility contribute a lot, which you need to take care of; and through them God will invisibly comfort, and those who oppose will not be able to resist. I congratulate you on the upcoming holy fast; I wish to convey it soul-savingly and I remain unworthy of your pilgrim, much-sinful I.M. November 13, 1846.
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