Conversations of the soul with God

(full version of prayers according to the publication of the Holy Trinity Sergius Lavra, 1883) 1. I am looking for You, my life: without You I am dying. Oh, that I may know You, O Lord, who has known me; Let me know you, the strength of my soul! Show yourself to me, my Comforter, so that I may see You, the light of my eyes. Come, O joy of my spirit, that I may see You, O joy of my heart. May I love you, the life of my soul. Appear to me, my great delight, my sweet consolation, the Lord my God, the life and all the glory of my soul. May I find you, the desire of my heart; May I hold fast to You, the love of my soul; I embrace you, heavenly Bridegroom, my great inner and outer joy. May I possess you, eternal bliss. May I possess you in the depths of my heart, blessed life, the highest sweetness of my soul. “I will love you, O Lord, my strength! The Lord is my stronghold and my refuge, my Deliverer” (Psalm 17:2,3). I love you, my God, my Helper, the Pillar of my strength, my sweet Hope in all my sorrows. Yes to you, O Good, without Which nothing is good; May I enjoy You, O All-Good One, without Whom there is no highest good. You are the Word “sharper than any two-edged sword” (Heb. 4:12), open the secrets of my hearing, so that I may hear Your voice. Raise, O Lord, from on high with a great and strong voice. Let “the sea and the things that fill it” roar (Psalm 95:11); may the earth and all that is on it be moved. Enlighten my eyes, Incomprehensible Light, “flash with lightning and scatter them” (Psalm 143:6), so that they do not see vanity. “He shot His arrows and scattered them, a multitude of lightnings, and scattered them. And springs of water appeared, and the foundations of the universe were revealed” (Psalm 17:15-16). Grant vision that would see You, Invisible Light. Create a new sense of smell that would flow “after You,” O fragrance of life, “into the stench of Your world” (Song. 1, 3). Heal the taste, so that it may taste, know and discern, “How many good things You have, which You keep” (Ps. 30:20) in those filled with Your love. Give a heart that would think about You, - a spirit that would love You, - a thought that would be occupied with You, - a meaning that would understand You, - a mind that would constantly and firmly cling to You, the highest sweetness, and love You wisely, oh wise love! Oh, Life, for which everything lives: Life, which bestows life on me, Life, which also makes up my life; The life that I live and without which I die; Life by which I resurrect, and without which I perish; Life with which I rejoice, and without which I mourn; Life is life-giving, sweet, amiable, ever-memorable! tell me: where are you? Where can I find You, so as not to become impoverished in my strength, but to exist through You? Be near me, in my soul, in my heart, in my lips, be ready to help; because I am yearning for love, because I am dying without You, and thinking about You, I am resurrected. Your fragrance revives me. Remembering You heals me; but “I will be satisfied with Your image” (Psalm 16:15), the life of my soul. “My soul is weary, longing for the courts of the Lord” (Psalm 83:3) at the memory of You; “When I come and appear” to You, (Psalm 41:3), My joy? Why do you turn away Your face, O Joy, in which alone I can rejoice? Where are You hidden, beautiful and most beloved to me? I feel Your fragrance, I live and rejoice, but I do not see You. I hear Your voice and am quickened. But why do you hide your face? You may say: “because man cannot see Me and live” (Exodus 33:20). Yes, Lord, prepare to die just to see You; I will see and die here. I don’t want to live, I want to die, I want to “be resolved and be with Christ” (Phil. 1:23). I long to die in order to see Christ; I renounce life in order to live with Christ. You, Lord Jesus, receive my spirit; You, my Life, receive my soul; You are my Joy, draw my heart to You; Let me taste you, my sweet food. You are my Head, rule me; You are the Light of my eyes, illuminate me; You are my sweet-voiced Song, tune me in; You are my Fragrance, revive me; You are the Word of God, renew me; You are my Praise, gladden the soul of Your servant. Enter into her, You are true Joy, so that she may rejoice in You; enter into her You are the highest Sweetness, so that she feels only sweet; shine above her You are the eternal Light; so that I can understand, know and love You. If she does not love You, Lord, she does not love You because she does not know You, and she does not know You because she does not understand, and she does not understand because she does not embrace Your light. “And the light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not overcome it” (John 1:5). Intelligent light, luminous truth, true lightness, “Who enlightens every man who comes into the world” (John 1:9), coming in the world, but not partial to the world (for whoever loves the world is the enemy of God), dispel the darkness over the abyss of my mind, so that, understanding, I can see You, comprehending, - know, knowing, - love. For whoever knows You loves You, forgets about himself, and loves You more than himself; leaves himself and comes to You to rejoice in You. Therefore, Lord, I do not love You as much as I should; for I do not fully know You. Because I know little, I love little. And since I love little, I rejoice little in You. From You, the true inner Joy, deviating into the external, while I am deprived of You alone, in this external I am looking for criminal connections for myself. That is why my heart, which I should have clung to You with all my love and all my zeal, I, poor man, gave over to vanity. And he himself became vain; because he loved vanity. From this, Lord, it happens that I do not rejoice in You, I do not cleave to You. For I am in the external, and You are in the internal; I am in the carnal, and You are in the spiritual; I am overflowing with spirit, and in thought I turn to the transitory, I only talk about it; and You, Lord, dwell in the eternal throughout all eternity. You are in heaven, and I am on earth; You love the high, and I love the weak; You love heavenly things, and I love earthly things. When will these opposites come into agreement? 2. I will tell you my poverty: help your creation! Poor me! When will my unevenness be smoothed out to equalize with Your uprightness? You, Lord, love solitude, but I love crowds; You love silence, but I love rumors; You are the truth, and I am vanity. You seek purity, and I seek impurity. Should I say more, Lord? You are truly good, and I am evil; You are pious, and I am wicked; You are holy, and I am damned; You are truthful, and I am unfair; You are life, and I am dead; You are the doctor, and I am the patient; You are joy, and I am sadness; You are the highest truth, and I am “perfect vanity,” like “every man who lives” (Ps. 38:6). Alas! What should I say, Creator? Hear me, Creator! I am your creature, and I have already perished; I am your creature, and I am already dying; I am your work, and am already turning into nothing; I am your creation: “Thy hands created me and formed me” (Ps. 119, 73). Your “hands” were nailed for my sake. Despise not the work of Your hands, O Lord; I beg You with the wounds of Your hands to look upon him. Behold, You have written me on Your hands; read this scripture and save me. Behold, before You I sigh, Your creature; renew me, Creator. Behold, I cry out to You, Your work; You, life, revive me. Here I look to You - Your creation, You, Creator, recreate me. Spare me, Lord; “Life disgusts me.” “What is man” (Job 7, 16, 17), so that he can talk with God, his Creator? Spare me, who turned my word to You; forgive the servant who dares to speak with the Lord. Need has no law. Sorrow compels me to speak; the calamity I am undergoing prompts me to cry out. I am sick, I call for a doctor; I am blind, I rush towards the light; I am dead, I sigh before life. You are the Doctor, You are the Light, You are the Life, Jesus of Nazareth; “Have mercy on me, Son of David” (Matthew 20:31), have mercy, Source of mercy, hear the weak who cry to You. Passing Light, wait for the blind, stretch out your hand to him, so that he may come to You and in Your light he will see the light. Ever-living Life, call the dead to life! What am I that I should talk to You? Woe is me, Lord! Spare me, I am a rotten corpse, food for worms, a stinking vessel, food for fire. What am I that I should talk to You? Woe is me, Lord! Spare me. I am an unhappy man, a man born of a wife, living only a short time, burdened with many calamities, “a man likened to vanity” (Ps. 143:4), “attached with foolish cattle,” and already “like them” (Ps. 48:13). And also, what am I? A dark abyss, a land of disasters, a child of wrath, a vessel prepared for dishonor; I was born in uncleanness, I live in poverty, I must die in poverty. Alas, poor thing, what am I? Alas! what will I be? - Now I am a vessel of uncleanness, a shell filled with rottenness, all full of stench and horror, blind, poor, naked, I have thousands of needs, I know neither my entrance nor my exit. I am poor and mortal, “My days are like a retreating shadow” (Ps. 101:12), my life is like the shadow of the moon disappearing, like a flower growing on a tree and suddenly withering; Now it blooms, and suddenly it dries up. My life is a mortal life, a quick-perishing life, a life that, the more it grows, the more it diminishes, and the more it extends forward, the more it approaches death, a deceptive, gloomy life, filled with the snares of mortals. Now I rejoice, and suddenly I become sad; Now I’m cheerful, and suddenly I’m exhausted; now I’m alive, and suddenly I’m dying; Now I seem happy, but I’m always in poverty; now I laugh, and suddenly I cry; Everything is so changeable that I can barely stay in one position for an hour. That’s why there’s fear, that’s why there’s trepidation; That’s why they overcome hunger, thirst, heat, cold, exhaustion, sorrow... This is followed by sudden death, which daily snatches away poor people in a thousand different ways; one is struck down with fever, another with painful illnesses; one is consumed by hunger, another is exhausted by thirst; drowns one in water, takes the life of another with a noose; one he destroys with fire, the other he devours with the teeth of fierce beasts; he kills one with a sword, destroys another with poison, and with one sudden fear he forces another to end his miserable life. And in addition to all these great disasters, when there is nothing more certain than death, man nevertheless does not know his end. And when he thinks to stand, his hope falls and perishes. A person does not know when, or where, or how he will die; however, he undoubtedly knows that he must die. Behold, Lord, how great is human poverty; and I am subject to it, and am not afraid. This is how grave the disaster is; and I endure it, and do not grieve, and do not cry out to You. I will cry out to You, O Lord, before I perish; unless I perish, I will abide in You. And so I will tell you, Lord, I will tell you my poverty, I will admit my unworthiness, and I will not be ashamed before You. Help me, my fortress, my support; help me, Strength that supports me. Come, light with which I see; appear, the glory in which I rejoice; appear, and I will live. 3. Oh, my Light, enlighten my darkness! The light that Tobias saw when, with his eyes closed, he showed his son the path of life; O Light, which Isaac saw internally when, with darkened outer eyes, he announced the future to his son; o Invisible Light, to which the entire depth of the human heart is visible; O Light that Jacob saw when, taught by You internally, he predicted to the children their external fate in the future! Behold, over the abyss of my mind there is darkness, and You are lightness; behold, over the waters of my heart there is dark darkness, and You are the truth. O Word, “All things came into being through Him, and without Him nothing came into being that was made” (John 1:3); The Word, which is before all things, and before which there was nothing; The Word, who creates everything, and without Whom everything is nothing; The Word that governs everything, and without Which nothing can exist; The Word that said in the beginning: “Let there be light.” And there was light" (Gen. 1:3); say even now: “let there be light”; and light will appear in me, and I will see the light, and I will know that it is not light; because without You, light is darkness for me, and darkness seems like light. Thus, without Your light there is no truth, but only error; without it there is vanity, but there is no truth; there is no separate clarity, but there is unity; there is ignorance, but there is no knowledge; there is blindness, but no sight; there is an impassable wilderness, but there is no way; there is death, but there is no life. 4. Woe is me without You, Lord! Behold, Lord, since there is no light, there is death; and we strive for death when we are not afraid to remain in sin. And this is true, Lord; we accept what is worthy according to our deeds when we perish in death like running water. Because without You “nothing began to be”; then, by doing insignificant things, we ourselves became insignificant, We are nothing without You, “Through Him all things began to be, and without Him nothing began to be that began to be.” Lord, God's Word, God the Word, “Through Him all things began to be, and without Him nothing began to be”! Alas, poor me, so blinded so many times; because You are the light, and I am without You! Alas, poor me, so many times wounded; because You are salvation, and I am without You! Alas, poor me, so distraught; because You are the truth, and I am without You! Alas, poor me, so many times lost; because You are the way, and I am without You! Alas, poor me, who died so many times; because You are life, and I am without You! Alas, poor me, so many times destroyed; because You are the Word, “all things began to be through Him,” and I am without You, “without Him nothing began to be.” Lord, God's Word, God the Word, You are the Light by Whom light was created, You are “the way and the truth and the life”; in You there is no darkness, delusion, vanity and death; You are the Light, without Whom everything is darkness; You are the Path, without Which everything is delusion; You are the Truth, without Which everything is vanity; You are Life, without Which everything is death. Speak the word, say, O Lord: “let there be light,” so that I may see the light and avoid the darkness; see the path and avoid the impassable jungle; see the truth and avoid vanity; see life and avoid death. Shine upon me, Lord; You are my Light, my Enlightenment, and my Salvation, I will fear You; You are my Lord, I will praise You; You are my God, I will honor You; You are my Father, I will love You; You are my Bridegroom, I will honor myself to You. Shine, I beg You, shine, O Light, for this blind Thy, “to enlighten those who sit in darkness and in the shadow of death, to guide our feet in the way of peace” (Luke 1:79), with whom “He entered with them into the house of God with a voice of joy and praise” (Ps. 41:5). And indeed, confession is the path by which I can come to You, the path by which I can leave the impassable jungle and return to the path, that is, to You; because You are the true Path of life. Therefore, I confess, I confess my poverty before You, Lord, Father, King of heaven and earth; may I be allowed to come to Your mercy. I became poor, reduced to insignificance, and I didn’t know it; because You are the truth, and I was not with You. I was wounded by my iniquities, and did not grieve over it; because You are life, and I was not with You. They reduced me to insignificance, because You are the Word, and I was not with You, “without Him nothing began to be that began to be.” And therefore, without You I became like nothing. By the Word everything that was created was created. What is it that He created? “And God saw everything that He had made, and, behold, it was very good” (Gen. 1:31). Whatever is created, everything was created by the Word; and what is created by the Word is “very good.” Why is it good? Because it was created by the Word. And “All things came into being through Him.” For nothing is good without the highest good; on the contrary, where there is no good, there is only evil. Because evil is nothing other than the deprivation of good; just as blindness is nothing other than deprivation of light. Therefore evil is the destruction of good; because it was not produced by the Word, “All things came into being through Him”; and therefore to be without the Word is evil; and this is worse than not being. But what does it mean to be separated from the Word? If you want to know this, listen to what the Word is. The Word of God says: “I am the way and the truth and the life” (John 14:6). Therefore, to be separated from the Word means to be without a way, without truth, without life; and therefore without Him all is evil; for it is separated from the Good, by Whom everything that is “very good” was created. Therefore, as soon as you deviate from good, at the same time you separate from the Word; for It is good; and you will not produce anything good, because you are without the Word, “All things began to be through Him.” Now, Lord, You have enlightened me, so that I can see You; and I saw You, and I knew myself; for I turned into nothing, as it were, every time I separated from You, because I forgot goodness, that is, You, and therefore became evil. Alas, poor me, that I did not know this! for, leaving You, I turned into nothing. But what is it? If I was like nothing, then how did I want to know? When I was without You, I was as if nothing, and as if an idol, which is “nothing” (1 Cor. 8:4), “they have ears, but they do not hear; They have nostrils, but they do not smell; They have hands, but they cannot touch; They have legs, but they do not walk” (Ps. 113, 13-15), and has all the outlines of the members, but does not have their sensitivity. 6. Without You, my enemies have overcome me. Therefore, when I was without You, then I was blind, and deaf, and insensitive; because he did not discern good, did not avoid evil, did not feel illness from his ulcers, did not see his darkness; since I was without You - the true Light, “who enlightens every person who comes into this world.” Alas! they put wounds on me, but I didn’t get sick; carried me away, but I didn’t even feel it; because he was, as it were, nothing, did not have life in himself, which is the Word, “All things began to be through Him.” Therefore, Lord, my Light, my enemies did to me what they wanted; they struck me, exposed me, desecrated me, corrupted me, wounded me, killed me: because I retreated from You, and without You I became as if nothing. Hey, Lord, my Life, my Creator; My light that guided me; Protector of my life, have mercy on me and resurrect me. Lord my God, my Hope, my Strength, my Fortress, my consolation in the day of my sorrow, look upon my enemies, and deliver me, “let those who hate You flee from Thy presence” (Ps. 67:2); and I will live in You and by You. They, Lord, looked at me, and, seeing that I was without You, they despised me; shared the garments of virtues with which You adorned me; they paved their way through me, trampled me under their feet, desecrated your holy church with sinful impurities, left me robbed and consumed with sadness. Blind, naked, bound by the already sinful, I followed them; hither and thither they dragged me along with them, from vice to vice, from mud to mud; But I did not have the courage to resist, and walked in the face of the persecutor; was a slave, and loved slavery; he was blind and desired blindness; I was bound, and was not horrified that I was wearing bonds; He considered bitter things to be sweet, and sweet things to be bitter; I was unhappy and didn’t know it. And all this because I was without You - the Word, without Whom “nothing began to be,” By Whom everything is preserved, and without Whom everything turns into nothing. For just as everything was created by the Word, and “without Him nothing began to be,” so by Him everything that is in heaven, or on earth, or in the sea and in all the abysses is preserved. If one part is connected to another part in a stone, or in some other creature; then only because they are preserved by the Word by Whom all things were created. Therefore, the Word will cleave to You, so that You will preserve me, for when I departed from You, then I perished, and would have perished if You, the Word who created me, had not recreated me. I sinned, but You visited me. I fell, but You raised me up. I was ignorant, but You taught me. I was blind, but You enlightened me. 7. Where do I come from, that You have loved me so much, O Lord? I'm poor, my God! show me how much I am obliged to love You; explain to me how much I should praise You; Reveal to me how much I must please You. Raise, O Lord, with a strong and strong voice into the inner hearing of my heart; teach and save me, and I will praise You, who created me when I was nothing; who enlightened me when I was in darkness; who raised me up when I was dead; from my youth You have provided me with all Your blessings. I am an indecent worm, stinking of sins, and You feed me with all Your excellent gifts. Open for me, the key of David, “He who opens, and no one will shut”; to whom you open: “he shuts, and no one opens”; to whom you close (Apoc. 3:7), open for me the door of Your light to enter, see, know and confess to You with all my heart, “great is Thy mercy towards me: You have delivered my soul from the grave of hell” ( Ps.85:13). “Lord, our God! How majestic is Your name throughout the whole earth!” And “what (is) man, that You are mindful of him, and the son of man, that You visit him?” (Ps.8, 2, 5). Lord, the hope of the Saints, the pillar of their strength, the life of my soul, with which I live, and without which I die; The light of my eyes, with which I see, and without which I am blind, the Joy of my heart and the Joy of my spirit, so that “I will love You with all my heart, and with all my soul, and with all my being” (Luke 10:27); because You loved me first. “And where do I get this from” (Luke 1:43), Creator of heaven and earth and the abyss, who does not demand my good things? “And where is it from me” that You loved me? O wisdom, who opens the mouths of the dumb, O Word, by whom all things were created! Open my mouth, give me a voice of praise, so that I may tell you all Your good deeds that You have shown me, O Lord, from the beginning. For behold, I exist because You created me; You have ordained from eternity that I should be created and numbered among Your creatures. Before You created anything in the beginning, before You stretched out the heavens, when there were no depths yet, You had not yet created the earth, and You had not founded the mountains, The springs of water had not yet opened, before You had created with the Word everything that You had created, by the undoubted providence of Your truth You foresaw me, Your future creation, and deigned that I should become Your creation. “And where does this come from for me,” most merciful Lord, most high God, most merciful Father, all-powerful and always full of meekness Creator? What are my merits, what is my pleasure, that the splendor of Thy greatness was pleasing to create me? I was not, and You created me; I was nothing, and out of nothing You made me something. And what is this? Not a star, not fire, not a bird, or a fish, not a reptile, or some dumb animal, not a stone, or a tree, not anything from the kind of creatures that has only one existence, or from the kind of creatures that can only exist and grow, and not anything from the kind of creatures that can exist, and grow, and feel. But You have deigned that I should be above everything that has being, because I also exist - and above everything that has being and grows, because I also exist and grow - and above everything that has being, grows and feels, because I also have being, grow and feel. You created me in such a way that I am in no way equal to the Angels, because I received from You the same mind with them to know You; but is it not equal to a little, as I said; because they already have the blessed knowledge of You in vision, but I have it only by hope; they - “face to face”, and I - “through a glass darkly, fortune-telling”; they - completely, and I - “in part” (1 Cor. 13:12), “when that which is perfect comes, then that which is in part will cease” (1 Cor. 13:10); - then with a revealed face we will see Your face. Why, then, in something less than angels? will hinder us, whom You, Lord, crowned with a crown of hope, adorned with glory, and “thou crowned with glory and honor” (Ps. 8:6), whom You honored beyond measure, as Your own, even in everything you made equal and equal to the Angels? For Your truth also says this: “They are equal to the Angels and are the sons of God” (Luke 20:36). .). Why then will they be “sons of God” when they will be equal to the Angels? Indeed, they will be “sons of God” because the Son of God became the son of man. And so, looking at this, I dare to say: “man is not made less than an angel” (Ps. 8:6), but even equal to the Angels; because God became a man, not an Angel. And therefore I will say that man is the most worthy of creatures; for the Word, which “in the beginning was with God” (John 1:1) and God the Word, by whom God said: “let there be light.” And the light became,” that is, the angelic nature, the Word with whom God created everything in the beginning, this very Word “became flesh and dwelt among us, full of grace and truth; and we have seen His glory” (John 1:14). This is the glory in which I boast when I boast healthyly. This is the joy with which I rejoice when I healthily rejoice, O Lord my God, the life and all the glory of my soul... Therefore, I confess to You, Lord my God, that, having created me rational, You made me equal in some respects with the Angels; because I can be perfected through Your Word, and reach equality with the Angels, and be worthy of sonship through Your Only Begotten Word, O Lord, through Your beloved Son, in whom You were well pleased - through the only co-heir, consubstantial and coeternal with You, Jesus Christ, our only Lord and Redeemer, our enlightener and comforter, our intercessor before You and light our eyes. He is our life, and our Savior, and our only hope; He loved us more than Himself; through Him we have undoubted trust and firm hope in You, and boldness to come to You; because He gave us “to those who believe in His name, the power to become children of God” (John 1:12). I will sing praise to Your name, Lord: having created me in Your image and likeness, You have made me capable of achieving such glory that I can become the son of God. But this is not possible either for trees, or stones, or in general for everything that moves or grows in the air, or in the sea, or on the earth; because Your Word did not give “the power to become children of God,” and because they do not have understanding. For in reason lies the ability to know God. God gave reason to people, whom He created rational, in His image and likeness. Therefore, Lord, by Thy grace I became a man, and by grace I can be Thy son, which they cannot be. “And where do I get this from?” Lord, the highest truth, and the true height, and the beginning of all creatures? Where does this come from, Lord, that I can be Your son, which other creatures cannot be? You, abiding forever, created everything together: together you created people, animals, stones, and the grains of the earth. No merits preceded this, the creatures did not do anything to please You in advance; By Thy one goodness Thou hast created everything; and all creatures were equal in merit, because not a single creature had any merit. Why is Your goodness manifested more on this creature of Yours, which You created intelligent, than on all others who do not have reason? Why am I not the same as them? or why are they not all the same as me? What are my merits, what have I done to please you, what have you made me capable of becoming your son, what have you denied to other creatures? No, Lord, let it never even occur to me to attribute this to my own merits! Your mercy alone, Your goodness alone, have made it possible for me to become a partaker of the sweetness of these gifts. Therefore, by the same grace by which You created me from nothing, I beg You, Lord, give me grace so that I can thank You for this. 8. By Your sole goodness, I am a rational creation. Your almighty right hand is always the same: it created both angels in heaven and worms on earth; and in the former it is not higher, and in the latter it is not lower. For no other hand could create both the Angel and the worm; no other hand could create both the sky and the smallest leaf of a tree, how to create a body, or make a single hair white or black. Thy almighty right hand did this, for which all things are possible. It is no more possible for her to create a worm and not an Angel; and it is no less possible for her to spread out the sky, and not the leaf of a tree; it is not easier for her to form a hair rather than a body; It is no more difficult for her to found the earth on the waters than it is for the waters to be founded on the earth. Whatever was pleasing to her, she created in heaven and on earth, and in the sea and in all the abysses; Among other things, she created me as she wanted, could and knew. Could Thy right hand, O Lord, have made me a stone, or a bird, or a reptile, or some kind of beast; and she knew how to do this, but she did not want to, out of Her goodness. And so why am I not a stone, not a tree, not some kind of animal? Because Your goodness has decreed so. And in order to decree this to her, my merits did not precede it. 9. It is not for me to praise You: You Yourself are my praise! “And where do I get this from,” Lord? Where can I get praise to praise You? How You created me without me, and as You pleased; so praise is given to You without me, as it pleases You. Your praise, O Lord, is You Yourself. Your works praise You according to the abundance of Your majesty. Your praise, O Lord, is immense; it is not comprehended by the heart, is not measured by the lips, and is not acceptable to the ear; because all these things pass away, but Your praise endures forever. Thought has a beginning, it also has an end; the voice makes sound and then falls silent; the ear hears and ceases to hear; but Your praise endures forever. Therefore, who is able to praise You? What man will proclaim Your praise? Your praise endures forever and does not pass away. He praises You who is sure that Your praise is You Yourself. He praises You who knows that he himself cannot achieve the opportunity to praise You. O eternal praise that never fails! In You is our praise, in You my soul will glory. It is not we who praise You, but You who praise Yourself and in Yourself; and our praise is in You. Then we have true praise when we have praise from You, when Light is approved by Light; because You are the true praise; and give true praise. As soon as we seek praise from another, and not from You, we are deprived of Your praise: because that praise passes away, but Yours is eternal. If we seek transitory praise; then we lose the eternal. If we wish eternal; then we will not love what is transitory. Lord my God, eternal praise, from You is all praise, and without You there is no praise; I am unable to praise You without You. When I find You; then I will praise You. For who am I, Lord, that I should praise You on my own? I am dust and ashes, I am a dead and stinking dog, I am a worm and rottenness. Who am I that I should praise You, O Lord, mighty God, God of spirits and of all flesh, who dwells in eternity? How will darkness praise the Light, or death – life? You are the light and I am the darkness; You are life and I am death. How can vanity praise the truth? You are the truth, and I am a man like vanity. What then, Lord, will praise You? Will my poverty praise You? Will the stench praise the fragrance? Will human mortality, which is high today and will fall in the morning, praise You? Do rottenness and the worm really dare to praise You? Can a man, conceived and born in sins, praise You, O Lord? I will praise You, O Lord, my God, Your immense power, Your indescribable wisdom, Your ineffable goodness. Your all-surpassing mercy, Your abundant mercy, Your eternal power and Your Divinity will praise You. Your almighty strength, your highest favor and love, according to which you created us, O Lord God, the life of my soul, will praise you. 10. By goodness You created me, by goodness You will save me. And I am Your creation, under the shadow of Your wings I will trust in Your goodness, according to which You created me. Help Thy creation, which Thy good pleasure has created. May it not perish through my malice that Thy goodness has wrought! Let not my poverty perish from what Thy highest mercy has done! What good is Thy creation if I descend into corruption? Did You really create all the sons of men in vain? You created me, O Lord, You rule what You have created. “Do not forsake the work of Your hands” (Ps. 137:8), God! You created me from nothing; If you do not control me, Lord, I will again turn into nothing. How I was not, Lord, and You made me out of nothing; so, if you do not control me, I will again return to eternal corruption, which is worse for me than nothing that I was before. Help me, Lord, my life, so that I may not perish in my malice. If You had not created me, Lord, I would not exist; Since You created me, I exist. But if You do not control me; then it’s as if I’m no longer there. It was not my merits or my pleasure that prompted You to create me, but Your generous goodness and Your mercy. The same love, O Lord my God, which prompted You to create me, let it motivate me, I beg You, to rule me. For what good is it that Thy love prompted Thee to create me, if I perish in my poverty, and Thy right hand does not rule me? What You created, may the same mercy motivate You, O Lord my God, to salvation, which prompted You to create, when it had not yet been created. Save me, overcome by the same love with which You were overcome when you created me. She is no less now; because this love is You Yourself, and You are always the same. Thy hand, O Lord, is not shortened so that it cannot save; and “His ear was not too heavy to hear. But your iniquities have created a division between me and You (Is. 59: 1-2), between darkness and light, between the image of death and life, between vanity and truth, between this fleeting life of mine and Your eternal life. 11. Many snares, many enemies: do not leave me. These are the shadows with which I am covered in this dark abyss of this prison, in which I lie prostrate, until the day comes, the shadows recede, the light appears in the firmament of Your fortress, and the voice of the Lord in power, the voice of the Lord in splendor, does not say: “Let there be light,” and the darkness will dissipate, and “dry land will appear,” and “the earth will grow green grass, sowing seed” and bearing the good fruit of the righteousness of Your kingdom (Gen. 1:3, 9, 11). “Lord Father and God,” life by which everything lives, and without which everything is considered as dead, do not leave me in an evil thought, “do not give me lifting of the eyes and turn away lust from me” (Sir. 23:4), do not give me over to a fearless and senseless spirit; but You prevail over my heart, so that it always thinks about You. Enlighten my eyes, so that they may see You, and not exalt themselves before You, Eternal Glory, but look humbly, not being carried away by what surprises them, and what is above them, and see the right hand, and not the lower one. Arouse my lust with Your sweetness, which You have hidden for those who fear You, so that I may desire to lust after You with eternal lust, and so that my inner taste, deceived and deceived by vanity, will not consider bitter for sweet, and sweet for bitter, darkness for light and light for darkness, among so many snares prepared everywhere by the enemy on the path of this life to catching souls. And the whole world is filled with these networks; and whoever saw them did not pass in silence, but said: “For all that is in the world is the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life” (1 John 2:16). Behold, Lord my God, the whole world is filled with the snares of lusts that are prepared for my feet. Who can escape these snares? Of course, he is the only one from whom You have taken away the exaltation of his eyes, so that the lust of his eyes does not take him captive; and from whom You have taken away the lust of the flesh, so that the lust of the flesh may not take him captive; and from whom You have taken away the fearless and foolish spirit, so that the pride of life would not deceive him. Oh, how blessed is he with whom you do this! It will pass through networks harmlessly too. Now, by You Yourself, I beg You, help me, so that I do not fall before the face of my enemies, caught in their nets, which they have prepared for my feet to seduce my soul. Deliver me, O Power of my salvation, so that Your enemies who have hated You will not laugh at me. Arise, O Lord my God, mighty God: “Let God arise, and let His enemies be scattered, and let those who hate Him flee from before Him. As smoke dissipates, You scatter them; As wax melts in the fire, so let the wicked perish at the presence of God” (Ps. 67:2,3). And I will hide “under the cover of Your face” (Ps. 30:21), and I will rejoice with Your sons, being satisfied with all Your blessings. You, Lord God, are the Father of orphans. You are the Mother of the orphans, hear the cry of Your children, and spread Your wings so that we can run under them from the face of the enemy. You are the Pillar of the fortress of Israel, “who guards Israel neither slumbers nor sleeps” (Ps. 120:4); because the enemy who rises up against Israel does not sleep or slumber. 12. Oh, my Light! Without You I am in darkness: shine on me! O Light that no other light sees! A lordship that no other lordship sees! The light with which every light is darkened! The radiance with which all extraneous lightness is darkened! The light from which all light comes; Lightness, from which all lightness comes, - Lightness, before which all lightness is darkness, before which all light is darkness; Light, for which all darkness is lightness, all darkness is light; the highest light, which is not eclipsed by darkness, not weakened by darkness, not darkened by darkness, which is not blocked by anything, and is never separated by any shadow! Light, illuminating everything suddenly, once and forever, swallow me up in the abyss of Your luminosity, so that everywhere I see You in You, and myself in You, and everything under You. Do not leave me, lest the shadows of my ignorance grow, and lest my sins multiply. For without You everything is darkness for me, everything is evil; because without You there is no good - the true, unique and highest good. I confess this, and I know, Lord my God, that wherever I am without You, everywhere I feel bad without You, not only outside of me, but also within me; because all abundance (if it is not my God) is poverty for me. Only then will I be satisfied when Your glory appears. For to You, O Lord, is my blessed life, I confess my poverty. After I fell away from Thy unity, the highest and only Good, the diversity of temporary things fragmented me, fallen with carnal feelings, diverting me from Thee alone, dividing me into multitudes, abundance became difficult for me, and poverty plentiful, while I chased after both, and was not satisfied with anything; Meanwhile, I did not find myself in You, the immutable, unique and indivisible One Good, following which I do not sin, which having received, I do not grieve, which, possessing, my every desire is satisfied. Oh, great poverty! Alas for me, Lord! My poor soul moves away from You, with Whom it is always rich and rejoices; she chases after the world, with which she is always meager and sad. The world cries out: “I faint”; You cry, Lord: “I will raise up.” But my poor soul follows the one who wears out rather than the one who restores. Truly this is my weakness! Physician of spirits, heal her, so that before You, the salvation of my soul, I confess with all my heart all Your good deeds with which You have afflicted me from my youth to old age and decrepitude. I beg You, by Yourself, do not leave me. You created me when I did not exist; You redeemed me when I was dying. I perished, I became a dead man: You condescended to the dead man, and took upon Yourself mortality; You, the King, condescended to the slave in order to redeem the slave and betray Yourself; so that I may live, accept death, and conquer death; You raised me up when You humbled Yourself. I perished, I moved away from You, I was sold into sin; You came for me to redeem me, and you loved me so much that you gave your blood as a ransom price for me; You loved me more than yourself, because you were pleased to die for me. Under such a condition, at such a high price, You brought me back from exile, redeemed me from slavery, delivered me from punishment, named me with Your name, sealed me with Your blood, so that a reminder of You would always be with me, and You, who did not renounce the cross for my sake, would never move away from my heart. You have anointed me with Your oil, with which You yourself are anointed, so that by Your name, my Christ, I too may be called a Christian. You wrote me in Your hands, so that You will always have a memory of me, if only the memory of You will always remain in me. Thus Thy grace and Thy mercy have always preceded me. For You have repeatedly delivered me from many and great troubles, my Deliverer. When I went astray, You brought me back to the path; when I was ignorant, You taught me; When I sinned, You corrected me; when I was sad, You consoled me; when I was in despair, You strengthened me; when I fell, You raised me up; When I stood firm, You supported me; when I walked, You led me; when I came, You received me; when I slept, You kept me; When I cried out to You, You listened to me. 13. You see everything: how can I not be afraid of You? You have shown me such and many other benefits, O Lord my God, the Life of my soul. And it would be pleasant for me to always speak, always think about them, and always thank You for them, so that for all Your blessings I could with all my heart, with all my soul, with all my thought, with all my strength, with all the inside of my heart and with all my limbs, praise and love You, O Lord my God, the blessed sweetness of all who rejoice in You. But “Thy eyes have seen my undone” (Ps. 138:16), eyes brighter than the sun, beholding all the ways of men and the depths of the abyss, eyes that “are the eyes of the Lord in every place: they see the evil and the good” (Prov. 15:3). How You manage everything, filling everything with Yourself, always and everywhere being completely present, and taking care of everything that You have created; because You have no hatred for anything You have created: thus You, the ever-Overwatch, observe both my processions and paths, day and night you are awake on my watch, carefully noticing all my paths, as if You had forgotten about all Your creatures in heaven and on earth, and You have only me in mind, and do not care about anything else. The light in Your unchanging gaze does not increase if you look at only one creature, and does not decrease if you see countless different creatures; because just as one whole thing is suddenly completely encompassed by your gaze, so individual creatures taken separately, no matter how different they may be, are suddenly completely and completely perceived by your eye. You see everything as one thing, and just as you see one creature, you also see all individual creatures suddenly and completely without division, change, or reduction. Therefore, You see all of me at all times, but not in time, all of me suddenly and always, as if You had nothing else to look at. Therefore, You stand on my guard as if everything had been forgotten by You, and You want to pay all your attention to me alone; because You always and everywhere show Your presence to me, and You always show Yourself ready, if only You find me ready. Wherever I go, You do not leave me, O Lord, unless I leave You first. Wherever I am, You do not depart from me, because You are everywhere; and wherever I go, I will find You. For only through You can I exist, but without You I would perish; because I cannot exist without You. I confess to You that whatever I do, I do before You, and what I do, You see better than I, who do it. For no matter what I do, You are always with me, as the constant overseer of all my thoughts, intentions, pleasures and actions. Always before You, Lord, is every desire of mine, before You is every thought of mine. You see “where it comes from,” where it stays, and “where it goes” (John 3:8), because You are the Judge of all spirits. Whether the root from which beautiful leaves grow outward is sweet or bitter, You, the inner Judge, know this better than I myself, and You probe more deeply into the very interiors of the roots; not only the intention, but also the very inside of its root, in the clearest truth of Your light, you extract, examine and mark, in order to reward everyone not only according to deeds or intention, but also according to the innermost, hidden core of the root from which the intention of the doer comes. What I strive for when I get down to business, what I think about, what I enjoy, You see all this, and Your ears hear, and Your eyes see, You carefully signify this, notice and write in Your book, whether it is good or bad, so that later you will reward for the good, and punishment for the bad, when the books are opened, and we will be judged according to what is written in Your books. This very thing, perhaps, You have already told us: “I will show you what their end will be” (Deut. 32:20), and this very same thing is said about You, Lord: “You yourself test all ends” (Job 28:3); because in everything you do, You look more at the end of the intention than at the completion of the deed. And when I carefully think about this, Lord my God, awesome and mighty God, then fear and great shame equally throw me into confusion; because there is a great need for us to live holy and righteous, when we do everything before the eyes of the all-seeing Judge. 14. Glory to you, Lord; We are faced with shame. O mighty and mighty God of spirits and all flesh, Whose eye watches all the ways of the sons of Adam, from the day of their birth to the day of their departure, in order to reward each according to his deeds, good or evil, show me how to confess my poverty before You. For I said, “I am rich, I have become rich, and I have need of nothing”; but did not know that he was “unhappy, and pitiful, and poor, and blind, and naked” (Apoc. 3:17). I thought I was something when I was nothing. I said to myself: I will become wise, and I became a fool. I thought of being moderate, but I was deceived. Now I see that Yours is a gift, without which we cannot do anything. “If” you, O Lord, do not build “a house, those who build it will labor in vain” (Ps. 126:1). This is how You taught me so that I might know myself; for You have forsaken me and tempted me, not for Your own sake, that You might know me, but for my sake, that I might know myself. I thought, Lord, as I already said, that I would be something on my own; I reasoned that I had enough strength of my own; and I did not understand that You controlled me; until You moved somewhat away from me, and I, left alone, immediately fell; then I saw and knew that You controlled me; and the fact that I fell was from me, and the fact that I rose was from You. You, my Light, opened my eyes, aroused and enlightened me, and I saw that “temptation is the life of man on earth” (Job 7:1), that all flesh cannot boast before You, and no one living will be justified; for if there is anything good in us, whether it is small or great, it is Your gift, and ours is nothing but evil. So, what can all flesh boast about? Is it really evil? But this is not glory, but disaster. Or will he boast of his goodness? What kind? Are they really strangers? Yours, Lord, is all good, Yours is the glory. He who seeks glory for himself for Your good, and does not seek Your glory, is a thief and a robber; he is like the devil who wanted to steal Your glory. For whoever wants to boast about Your gift, and seeks in it not Your glory, but his own: even though people praise him for Your gift, he is blamed by You; because for Thy gift he sought not Thine glory, but his own glory. But whom people praise when You reproach him, people will not protect him when You judge him, and they will not deliver him when You condemn him. You, Lord, my Creator from my mother’s womb, do not allow me to fall into this reproach; Let me not be reproached for wanting to steal Your glory. Glory to you; because every good thing comes from You, but to us shame of face and poverty; because all evil comes from us, if You do not deign to have mercy on us. For You have mercy, O Lord, You have mercy on everything that You have created, and You have no hatred for anything that You have created, You give us Your blessings, You spare us the poor with Your most perfect gifts; because You love the poor and enrich them with Your riches. So now, Lord, we are Your poor sons and Your little flock; Open Your door to us, that the poor may eat and be satisfied, and those who seek You may praise You. I know, Lord, and taught by You, I confess to You, that those alone who recognize themselves as poor and confess their poverty before You will be enriched by You; and those who consider themselves rich, while they are poor, will be deprived of Your riches. Therefore, I, Lord my God, confess my wretchedness before You; and to Thee be all Thy glory; because all good is Yours. I confess to You, Lord, as You taught me that I am nothing more than all sorts of vanity and the shadow of death, some kind of dark abyss, an invisible and unsettled earth, which without Your blessing grows nothing and bears no fruit, but only confusion, sin and death. If ever I had anything good, I received it from You; Whatever good I have, I own of Yours. If I ever stood, I stood by You; but when I fell, I fell of my own accord; and I would have remained forever mired in the mud if You had not raised me up; I would always be blind if You had not enlightened me. How soon I fell, I would never have risen again if You had not stretched out Your hand to me; and after You raised me up, I would have fallen continually if You had not supported me; and would have perished more than once if You had not controlled me. So always, Lord, always Thy grace and Thy mercy precede me, delivering me from all evils, saving me from past evils, raising me up among present evils, protecting me from future evils, dissolving sinful fetters before me, preventing cases and reasons for sin; because if You had not done this for me, I would have committed all the sins in the world. I know, Lord, that there is no sin ever committed by a person that another could not commit, as soon as the Creator who created man departs from it. But if I didn’t do something, You arranged it this way; and if I refrained from anything, You commanded it; and if I believed in You, You poured out this grace on me. For You, Lord, directed me to Yourself, kept me for Yourself and for me, so that I would not commit adultery and any other sin. 15. We ourselves cannot be saved from the enemy: Save yourself! Didn't I have a tempter? You did it that it wasn't there. Was there no time or place for sin? You arranged it so that this did not happen. There was a tempter, there was a place and a time; but You kept me from agreeing to sin. The tempter came in the form of darkness, as he is, and You gave me the strength to despise him. The tempter came armed and strong; and so that he could not defeat me, You tamed him and strengthened me. The tempter came, transformed into an Angel of light; and so that he could not deceive me, You reproached him; and that I might recognize him, Thou hast enlightened me. For this is that “great dragon, the ancient serpent, called the devil and Satan” (Apoc. 12:9), “this is a great and spacious sea: there are reptiles of which there is no number, small and large animals” (Ps. 103:25.), (i.e., various kinds of demons, who day and night do nothing else but go around, looking for someone to devour, if You will not destroy); this is the ancient serpent who appeared in the paradise of sweetness, who “carried away a third of the stars from heaven and threw them to the ground” (Apoc. 12:4), who damaged the waters of the earth with his poison so that people who drank them would die, who spreads “gold like clay” (Job 41:21), and “hopes that the Jordan will enter into the mouth him” (Job 40:18), hopes that he was created in such a way that he would not be afraid of anyone. Who will protect him from his remorse, and who will snatch him from his jaws, except You, Lord, who crushed the head of the great serpent? Stretch, O Lord, Thy wings over us, so that under them we may hide from the face of this serpent who pursues us, and with Thy shield save us from his horns. For this is his constant effort, this is his only desire - to absorb the souls created by You. And therefore we cry to You, free us from our daily enemy, who, whether we sleep, whether we are awake, whether we eat, drink, or whatever else we do, day and night uses all measures against us, by deception and cunning, both openly and secretly, directing poisonous arrows at us in order to kill our souls. And yet, Lord, how great is our madness! For, although we constantly see this serpent with its mouth open on us, ready to devour us, yet we sleep, indulge in laziness, as if we were safe from one who desires nothing more than to destroy us. The enemy is always awake and awake to kill us; and we do not want to wake up from sleep in order to protect ourselves. So under our feet he laid out countless snares, and covered all our paths with nets to catch our souls. Who will escape them? He laid nets for us in wealth, he laid nets in poverty, he laid nets in food, in drink, in pleasure, in sleep, in wakefulness, he laid nets in word and in deed and in every way of ours. But You, Lord, deliver us “from the snare of the fowler, from the destructive plague” (Ps. 90:3), so that we confess to You, saying: “Blessed is the Lord, who did not give us as prey to their teeth! Our soul is delivered like a bird from the snare of those who catch it: the net is broken, and we are delivered” (Ps. 123:6,7). 16. Without You, we cannot recognize the enemy’s snares: Show them yourself! You, Lord, are my Light, open my eyes, that I may see the light and walk in Your light, and not fall into its snare. For who can escape these many snares unless he sees them? And who will see them if You do not enlighten him with Your light? He is the father of darkness, and He hides His snares in His darkness, in order to catch with them all who are in His darkness, and being the sons of darkness, they do not see Your light; but whoever walks in Your light will not fear. “Whoever walks by day does not stumble, because he sees the light of this world; but whoever walks at night stumbles, because there is no light with him” (John 11:9,10). You, Lord, are Light, You are the light for the sons of light, You are the day that knows no west, Your sons walk in You without stumbling, and those who walk without You are all in darkness, because they do not have You, the Light of the world. Every day we see that the more someone moves away from You, the true light, the more he plunges into sinful darkness; and the more darkness he is in, the less he sees the nets on his way; and therefore he recognizes them the less, and is more often caught and falls into them, and, what is even more terrible, he does not even know that he has fallen into the net. And he who does not know his fall does not care to rise, especially since he thinks that he is standing. You, Lord my God, Intelligent Light, enlighten my eyes now, so that I can see and know, and not fall in the face of my enemies. For our enemy is working for our destruction; and we ask that he may disappear from our presence, “as wax melts before the presence of fire” (Ps. 67:3). For he is the first and last thief who dared to steal Your glory, O Lord, when, having become arrogant and exalted, he was crushed and fell into his ditch; and You cast him down from Your holy mountain and from the midst of the fire-like stones among which he walked. And until now, since the time of his fall, he has not ceased to persecute Your sons, my Life, my God. Out of hatred for You, great King, he wants to destroy this creation of Yours, which Your almighty goodness created in Your image - he wants to destroy it, so that it does not possess Your glory, which he himself lost through his pride. But crush him, our Fortress, O Lord, before us, Thy lambs, and enlighten us, so that we may see the snares that he has prepared for us, and be saved in You, O Joy of Israel. All this is better known to You, Lord; for you know his stubbornness and stiff-neckedness. And I’m not saying this to show You; You see everything, not a single thought is hidden from You. But at the feet of Your majesty, Eternal Judge, I bring a complaint against my enemy; judge him and save us Your sons; for You are our Fortress. This enemy is cunning and cunning, Lord; it is difficult to discover the bends of his ways, and to recognize all the types of his face, if You do not enlighten us; now here, now there, now as a lamb, now as a wolf, now as darkness, now as light. And each of these properties, and every time and place, depending on the circumstances, is used for various temptations. In order to deceive the sad, he himself becomes sad; in order to mock those who are rejoicing, he himself appears to be rejoicing; in order to deceive those living spiritually, he is transformed into an Angel of Light; to overcome the strong, he appears to them as a lamb; to devour the meek, he appears to them as a wolf. Yet all this works in accordance with various temptations; since others endure the temptations of “terrors in the night”; others are “arrows that fly by day,” others are “plagues that walk in darkness”; others from an attack, others “from the midday demon” (Ps. 90: 5-6). And who is able to recognize all this? Who can guess the type of his cover? Who will know what his teeth are aimed at? So he hides his arrows in a quiver, and he hides his nets under the guise of something bright. And it is very difficult to recognize this if from You, Lord, our Hope, it is not given to us to see this. For not only in carnal deeds, which are easily recognizable, and not only in vices, but even in spiritual exercises, he hides subtle nets, clothes the very vices in the appearance of virtues, and is transformed into an Angel of Light. These and many other means, O Lord our God, are used against us by the son of the Belials, that Satan. Now like a lion, now like a serpent, now openly, now secretly, day and night, he schemes for us to steal our souls. Destroy us, O Lord, who saves those who trust in You, so that they may grieve for us, and You may be glorified in us, O Lord our God. 17. Everything is from You: how can I not thank You? I am the son of Your servant, who entrusted me to Your right hand; and behold, I will bring this poor confession of mine to You, my Savior, with all my heart, and contain in my thoughts all Your good deeds that You showed me, in my youth, throughout my whole life. For I know that ingratitude does not please You, because it is the root of all spiritual evil; This is the wind that dries up and burns all good, blocking the source of Divine mercy for man. From ingratitude, evil that has already died is born again, and a living cause dies and does not appear again. And I, Lord, will bring You thanks, so as not to be ungrateful before You, my Deliverer, for You have delivered me. How many times has this serpent devoured me; and You, Lord, snatched me from his jaws. How many times have I sinned, and the serpent was ready to devour me; but You, Lord my God, protected me. When I dishonored before You, when I violated Your commandments, the serpent stood and was ready to snatch me into hell; but You rebuked him. I insulted You, and You protected me; I had no fear before You, but You were my guardian. I turned away from You and gave myself over to my enemy; but You frightened him so that he would not dare to take me to himself. You have shown me such benefits, O my God, and I did not know it. So many times You freed me from the jaws of the devil, snatched me from the mouth of lions, and many times brought me up from hell; but I didn’t know that. I had already descended to the gates of the underworld, but You held me back, and I did not enter them. I was approaching the gates of death, but You made sure that they did not accept me. More than once You delivered me from bodily death, my Savior, when serious illnesses beset me; when I was exposed to many dangers, but You were at sea, on land, from fire and sword, and delivered me from every danger, you were always with me, and mercifully saved me. You knew, Lord, that if death had befallen me then, hell would have taken my soul, and I would have been condemned forever; but Thy mercy and Thy goodness, O Lord my God, preceded me, snatching me from bodily death and from spiritual death. You showed these and many other good deeds to me, O Lord, but I was blind and did not know until You enlightened me. So now, the light of my soul, Lord my God, my life with which I live, the light of my eyes with which I see, now that You have enlightened me, I recognize that I live by You, and I bring You thanks, though weak, insignificant, not corresponding to Your good deeds, which my poverty can bring. For You alone are my God, my merciful Creator, Who loves souls, “for you would not have created anything if you hated it” (Wis. 11:25). Here I am the first of the sinners saved by You, in order to show others an example of Your gracious love, I confess Your great benefits; because You once, and twice, and three, and a hundred, and a thousand times, snatched me from the underworld; I always rushed to hell, and You always brought me back; thousands of times You could have condemned me in truth if You had wanted; but You did not want to, O Lord my God, because You love souls, You cover my sins for the sake of repentance, and there is much mercy in all Your ways. Now I see this, O Lord my God, and I recognize it in Your light, and my soul disappears before Your great mercy towards me; because You snatched my soul from the lowest hell, and brought me back to life. All of me was in death, You resurrected all of me. Therefore let this also be Thine that I live; I offer myself entirely to You. Let my whole spirit, my whole heart, my whole body, my whole life live in You, my life; because Thou hast delivered me all, that thou mightest possess me entirely; renewed me completely so that I belong entirely to You. Therefore I will love You, O Lord, my strength, I will love You, my inexpressible joy; and I will no longer live for myself, but may my whole life belong to You, which perished in my poverty, and was restored by Your mercy, O merciful and merciful God, filled with countless bounties to those who love Your name. Therefore, O Lord my God, my Savior, You commanded me in Your law to love You with all my heart, with all my soul, with all my thought, with all my strength, with all my strength, and with all the interior of my heart, at every hour and moment, as long as I enjoy the benefits of Your mercy; for I would continually perish if You did not continuously control me; I would continually die if You did not constantly revive me, and at every moment did not favor me, every minute showing me Your great benefits. Therefore, just as in my whole life there is not an hour or a moment when I do not take advantage of Your blessings; So there should not be a single moment in which I would not be obliged to have You before my eyes in my memory, and to love You with all my strength. But I will not be able to do this unless You grant it, from Whom “every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from above, from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow of turning” (James 1:17). So that we love You unflaggingly, this is “not from him who wills, nor from him who runs, but from God who has mercy” (Rom. 9:16). This is your gift, Lord; for all good is Yours. You command us to love You; grant what You command, and command whatever You please. 18. Oh, flaming Love! inflame me with love for You! I love You, my God, and I always wish to love you even more; because You are truly sweeter than any honey, more nourishing than any milk, brighter than any light. Therefore You are dearer to me than all gold and silver and precious stone. Whatever I saw in this age was not equal to Your sweetness and the beauty of Your house, which I loved. You, my God, are the Fire that always blazes and never goes out, You are the Love that always burns and never grows cold, ignite me, ignite all of me, so that I can completely love You alone! He loves You little who, while loving You, also loves something else, and loves not for Your sake. I will love You, Lord; because You loved me first. And to express the signs of Your love, especially for me, where will I find words, because of Your countless good deeds, with which You have nourished me from the beginning? After that good deed, when in the beginning You created me from nothing in Your image, honoring and exalting me above all the creatures that You created, glorifying me with the light of Your countenance, with which You marked the door of my heart, distinguishing me from both insensitive things and sentient creatures, “You have made a little less ... before the Angels” (Ps. 8:6), and this was still not enough in the sight of goodness Yours, - because with the daily, special and great gifts of Your blessings You fed me continuously, and as Your weak and newborn son, You fed me with consolation from Your breasts and strengthened me. So that I serve You completely, You gave everything that you created to serve me. 19. Everything is for man, so that the whole man may be for You. “You have put everything under man’s feet” (Psalm 8:7), so that one man would be entirely submissive to You. And so that all man may be Thine, he is made lord over all Thine. You created everything external for the body, the body for the soul, and the soul for You, so that it would be occupied with You alone, and love You alone, possessing You as a consolation for itself, and all that is lower for its service. For whatever is contained in the circle of heaven, all this is lower than the human soul, which was created to possess the supreme good and, possessing it, to be blissful; because, clinging to him, and becoming above the need for everything lower and changeable, along with immortality, she will enjoy the eternity of the highest greatness, which she is trying to become like. And then, in the house of the Lord, he will enjoy those perfect blessings, in comparison with which what we see here will be considered as nothing. These are the blessings that “no eye has seen, no ear has heard, and what God has prepared for those who love Him has not entered into the heart of man” (1 Cor. 2:9). And these blessings, Lord, will You give to the soul, daily delighting with them the souls of Your servants, O All-Bountiful One! And why do I marvel at this, O Lord my God? In this way You honor Your image and Your likeness, in which they were created, for You have given heavenly light to our body, although it is corruptible and despicable, so that it can see, through the hand of Your tireless servants - the sun and the moon, who, at Your command, day and night, incessantly serve Your children; and so that it could breathe, he bestowed airy purity; and so that it could be heard, he gave a variety of sounds; and for the sense of smell - the pleasantness of smells; and to taste - the difference of tastes; and so that it could be touched, he gave plumpness to all bodies. To help his needs, You gave him beasts of burden, and You lavished the birds of the air, the fish of the sea and the fruits of the earth to feed him, You brought forth healing from the earth for every injury of any kind in the body, You prepared a consolation that alleviates any suffering; for You are merciful and merciful, and You know our meager composition; You are our Loser, and we are all like clay in Your hand. 20. If there are many blessings here, what will it be like there? Behold, Your great mercy has been revealed to me; but I beg You, still illuminate with Your light, so that it may be revealed even more; for from these small things we will understand great things; and from this visible, the invisible is Yours, O Lord God, our holy and good Creator. If for this despised and corruptible body You show, my Lord, so many great and innumerable benefits, sending them from heaven and from the air, from the earth and the sea, in light and darkness, in warmth and shadow, in dew and rain, in winds and frost, in birds and fish, in animals and trees, in the multitude of herbs and grains of the earth, and in the service of all Your creatures, from each of whom, at their own time, and one after the other, provide us with services to alleviate our sad state; then what, how great and innumerable will be the benefits that You have prepared for those who love You in this heavenly fatherland, where we will see You face to face? If You do this to us, prisoners in prison, what will You do to us in Your palace? Great and innumerable are Your deeds, O Lord King of Heaven! For if everything that You give equally to the good and the evil for common use is so beautiful and pleasant, then what will be the benefits that You preserve for the good alone? If Your gifts are so innumerable and varied, which You now equally bestow upon Your associates and enemies, then how great and innumerable, how sweet and pleasant will be those gifts with which You will reward only Your associates? If there are so many consolations on this day of mourning, then how many will you give on the day of marriage? If the prison has so many amenities, then how many does their fatherland have? “The eye has not seen another, O God, besides You” (Is.64:4), “what God has prepared for those who love Him.” According to the great multitude of Your splendor, and “many are the blessings You have in store for those who fear You” (Ps. 30:20). “Great is the Lord,” my God, and cannot be measured, “and His greatness is unsearchable” (Ps. 144:3); There is no number of Thy wisdom, there is no measure of Thy bounties; there is no end, no number, no measure to Your reward. But just as You are great, so are Your gifts; because You Yourself are the reward and gift to Your true ascetics. 21. The sweetness of my soul! I don’t want any other consolation except You! These are Your great blessings, O Lord God, with which You fill the poverty of Your hungry sons; because You have become the hope of the desperate and the consolation of the inconsolable; You are the crown of hope, adorned with glory, prepared for those who overcome; You are the eternal satiation of those tormented by hunger, given to the hungry; You are the eternal consolation, removing yourself from those who, for the sake of Your consolation, neglect the consolation of this world. For those who are consoled here are not worthy of Your consolation; those who mourn here are comforted by You, and those who are partakers of suffering become partakers of consolation. No one can be comforted in either age; whoever rejoices here cannot rejoice in the future life: it is necessary to destroy one consolation for someone who wants to possess another. Thinking about this, Lord, my Comforter, I renounce the consolations of my soul in this life, so that it may become worthy of Your eternal consolations. For justice demands that he who seeks consolation in something else rather than in You must lose You. And by You, I beg You, Lord, the highest truth, do not allow me to be comforted by some vain consolation, and not by You. Let everything be bitter for me, so that you alone may seem sweet to my soul, the priceless sweetness with which all bitterness delights. Thy sweetness pleased Stephen with the stones thrown at him; Your sweetness made the lighted frying pan sweet for Lawrence. For the sake of Your sweetness, the Apostles “went out from the Sanhedrin, rejoicing that for the name of the Lord Jesus they were counted worthy to suffer dishonor” (Acts 5:41). Andrew walked confidently and joyfully to the cross, because he was in a hurry to reach Your sweetness. This sweetness so filled Your supreme Apostles that for its sake one longed headlong to be crucified on the cross, and the other was not afraid to bow his head under the sword. To buy this sweetness, Bartholomew gave his own skin. To taste it, John fearlessly drank poison. And when Peter tasted it, then forgetting everything inferior, he exclaimed: “Lord! It’s good for us to be here; if you want, we will make three tabernacles here” (Matthew 17:4); we'll stay here; We will contemplate you, because we have no need for anything else; It is enough for us, because we see You, Lord, it is enough, because we are satisfied with such sweetness. Peter tasted one drop of Your sweetness, and every other sweetness disgusted him. What would he say if he tasted the great abundance of the sweetness of Your Divinity, which You “keep for those who fear You”? This virgin Agafya also tasted this indescribable sweetness of Yours, about whom we read that, rejoicing and triumphant, she went to prison, as if called to a feast. This sweetness, I think, was also tasted by the one who said: “How many blessings You have, which You store up for those who fear You” (Ps. 30:20); who exhorted others: “Taste and see how good the Lord is!” (Ps.33:9). This sweetness is this bliss, O Lord our God, which we expect You to grant to us, for the sake of which we constantly fight with You, O Lord, for the sake of which we “kill ourselves all day long” (Ps. 43:23) in order to live in Your life. 22. Without You we cannot enter Your eternal abodes! But You, Lord, are the expectation of Israel, the desire for which our hearts yearn daily, hasten, do not delay. Arise, hasten and come to lead us out of this prison “to confess Your name” (Ps. 141:8), so that we may be glorified in Your light. Open Your ear to the tearful cries of Your children, crying out to You: “Our Father! Give us this day our daily bread” (Matthew 6:11); Let us be strengthened by it and go day and night until we reach Your holy mountain Horeb. And I am the least of the little ones in Thy house, O God the Father and my Strength, “when will I come and appear before Thy face” (Ps. 41:3), so that, as I now confess before Thee in time, so then I confess before Thee forever? I will be blessed if I am allowed to see Your Lordship. Who will give me permission to come there? I know, Lord, I know, and I recognize myself as unworthy to enter under Your roof; but do this for the sake of Your glory, and do not shame Your servant who trusts in You. And who will enter Your sanctuary to see Your powers, if You do not open it Yourself? And who will open if You close? If you destroy, no one will create. And if you imprison a person in something, no one will open it. If you hold back the water, everything will dry up; and if you pour them out, they will drown the earth. “If you change all who say to You: What have You done” (Job 11:10)? But the goodness of Your mercy is unchangeable, according to which You wanted to create, and You did what You wanted. You created us, Creator of the world, You also rule us; You created us, do not despise us, because we are the work of Your hands. And we are clay and worms; we cannot enter Your eternal abodes unless You, O Lord our God, who created everything out of nothing, lead us in. 23. You are my hope: whether I want or not, save me! And I am the work of Your hands, I confess before You in Your fear that “I do not trust in my bow, and my sword will not save me” (Ps. 43:7), but Your right hand, and Your arm, and the enlightenment of Your face will save: I would have plunged into despair if You, who created me, were not my hope; and do not forsake me, because you do not forsake those who trust in you. You, Lord our God, are merciful and meek, patient and arrange everything out of mercy. Even if we have sinned, we are Yours; and even if we have not sinned, we know that we are all numbered with You. We are the same in the world as a leaf of a tree, and “every living man is vanity” (Ps. 38:6); “Like the breath (breath) of our belly upon the earth” (Job 7:7). Do not be angry if we, Your children, fall, “For Thou hast known our creation” (Ps. 102:14), Lord our God. Do You, God of ineffable strength, really want to show Your power on a leaf moved by the wind, and will you pursue dry straw? (Job 13:25). Will You, the eternal King of Israel, condemn “a dead dog, or a single flea” (1 Samuel 24:15)? We hear about Your mercy, O Lord, that You do not create death, and do not rejoice at the destruction of the dying (Wisdom 1:13). Therefore, we beg You, Lord, do not allow what You have not created to rule over this Thy creature, created by You! If you regret the death; What prevents You, Lord, from always rejoicing in our salvation? If You are willing, You can save me; and even if I wanted to, I cannot save myself, so great is the multitude of my misfortunes over me! “The desire for good is in me, but I do not find it to do it” (Rom. 7:18). I cannot wish anything good if You do not please me; all the more, I cannot do what I want if Your power does not support me. And what I can, sometimes I don’t want, unless it is Your will, “as it is in heaven and on earth.” But what I want and what I can, I do not know, unless Your wisdom enlightens me. Even if I do know, then, partly due to reluctance, and partly due to lack of strength, my wisdom turns into nothing if Your true wisdom does not help me. But all things are in Your will, and no one can resist Your will, O Lord of all, who rules over all flesh; whatever You desire, You do everything in heaven and on earth, in the sea and in all the abysses. Thy will be done in us, upon whom Thy name is called; May this glorious creation of Yours, which You created for Your glory, not perish. “And who is the man,” born of a woman, “who shall live and not see death, and shall deliver his soul out of the hand of hell” (Ps. 88:49), unless You alone deliver, the Life of all life, by which all things live? 24. From experience I see that I can’t do anything: You save me! As I have already confessed before You, the praise of my life, my God, the power of my salvation, I once hoped in my strength, but it was not strength. And when, in this hope, I wanted to compete in a field where I especially thought to stand, I most likely fell there, and more often stayed behind than anticipated, and what I thought to achieve, it moved further and further away from me. So, having tested my strength in many similar experiments, now enlightened by You I understand that where I hoped most to act on my own, there I was least able to act. I said to myself: “I will do this, and I will accomplish that”; but after that neither one nor the other was done. There was a hunt, there was no skill; I had skill, but I lacked the desire, because I relied on my own strength. Now I confess before You, Lord my God, Father of heaven and earth, “for a man is not strong in his strength” (1 Samuel 2:9), lest the foolish arrogance of all flesh boast before You. It is not in human power for a person to want what he can, or to be able to do what he wants, or to know what he wants and what he can. But You direct the steps of men, i.e. the feet of those who admit that they are governed not by themselves, but by You. Therefore, we beseech Thy gracious mercy, O Lord, to save what He has created. For if You are willing, You can save us, and in Your will is the power of our salvation. 25. I languish in the uncertainty of the future: My hope, do not leave me! Remember Your ancient mercy, according to which in the beginning You preceded us with the blessings of Your sweetness. For before I was born, the son of Your servant, O Lord, You are my hope, and You went before me from my mother’s breasts, preparing paths for me that I might walk and achieve the glory of Your house. Before You formed me in my mother’s womb, I was known to You, and before I came out of the womb, You provided for me what was pleasing to You. What and how is written about me in Your book in the secret of Your counsel, I do not know, and therefore I am very afraid; but You know this. For what I expect by the succession of days and times, through a thousand years of this temporality, has already happened in the face of Your eternity, and the future has already been fulfilled for You. And I, not knowing this, stand in the middle of this gloomy night, and fear and trembling attack me when I see that numerous dangers threaten me from everywhere, many enemies are pursuing me, and I am surrounded by many countless disasters in this life. And if, among so many evils, I did not have Your help; then I would have reached despair. But great is my hope in You, most meek Master, my God, and the thought of the multitude of Your bounties encourages my thought, and the former signs of Your mercy, which preceded me before my birth, now especially shining upon me, confirm my hope in the future best and most perfect gifts of Your goodness, observed by Your companions, may they rejoice in You, Lord my God, Holy and life-giving joy, always joyful to my youth. 26. For the sake of Your love for us, Your Angels love us as their brothers. You loved me, my only love, and before I could love You, You created me in Your image, and placed me above all Your creatures. I retain this dignity only when I find out why You created me. Woe, Thou hast created angels of Thy spirits, to whom Thou hast commanded to “guard thee in all thy ways: in their hands they will bear thee up, lest thou dash thy foot against a stone” (Ps. 90:11-12). These are the guards on the walls of Your new city of Jerusalem, and on the mountains around it, vigil and keeping “the night watch over their flock” (Luke 2:8), so that our souls, when there is no deliverer, like a lion, do not devour our ancient adversary, who, “like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour” (1 Peter 5:8). These are citizens of the blessed city of the highest Jerusalem, “she is the mother of us all” (Gal. 4:26), “sent to minister for those who are to inherit salvation” (Heb. 1:14), to free them from their enemies, to preserve them in all their ways, to strengthen and admonish them, and to lift up the prayers of Thy children before the face of the glory of Thy majesty. They love their fellow citizens; for they hope that by them the number of those who have fallen from their presence will be replenished. And therefore, with great care and vigilant zeal, they remain with us every hour and in every place, help us, provide for our needs, serve as zealous intermediaries between us and You, Lord, lifting up to You our groans and sighs, in order to intercede for us the favor of Your goodness, and to bring to us the longed-for blessing of Your grace. They accompany us in all our paths, they come and go with us, carefully observing whether we behave reverently and honestly among the evil generation, and with what zeal, and we desire, and we seek Your Kingdom and its righteousness, and with what fear and trembling we serve You, and we rejoice in You, Joy of our heart. They help us when we work, protect us when we are at rest, give us advice when we go into battle, crown us when we win, rejoice with those who rejoice if they rejoice in You, have compassion on those who suffer if they suffer for You. They have great concern for us; great is the commitment of their love to us; and all this in honor of Your invaluable love, with which You loved us; because they love whom You love; They protect whom You protect, and they abandon whom You abandon. They do not love those who do lawlessness; because You also “hate all those who practice iniquity. You will destroy those who tell lies” (Ps. 5, 6, 7). As soon as we behave well, the Angel rejoices and the demons grieve; and as soon as we deviate from good, we make the devil happy, and we deprive the Angels of their joy. For they have joy “over one sinner who repents” (Luke 15:7); but the devil has joy over one righteous man who refuses repentance. Therefore, grant, Lord, that the Angels always rejoice over us, so that through them You may always be glorified in us, and we with them may be brought into the same sheepfold of Yours, and together confess to Your holy name, Creator of men and Angels. And remembering this before You, I confess to You, offering praise for these great Thy blessings with which You have honored us by giving Your angels of spirits to serve us. For You have given us everything that is in the breadth of heaven; as if what is under heaven were not enough for us if we did not also add what is above heaven. May all Your angels praise You for this, O Lord; may all Your deeds be confessed before You, and may Your saints bless You, whom You have honored and enriched beyond measure and adorned with many gifts. “Wonderful is Your name, O Lord, throughout all the earth” (Ps. 8:2). “What is man, because you have magnified him, or because you have given attention to him with your mind” (Job 7:17)? For You, the ancient truth, have spoken: “My joy is with the sons of men” (Proverbs 8:31). “Is not man rotten, and the son of man a worm” (Job 25:6)? “Truly, every man who lives is complete vanity” (Ps.38:6)? And You consider it worthy for Yourself to open Your eyes on him, and bring him with You to judgment! 27. The only pure one, who is pure before You, if You Yourself do not cleanse Your chosen ones? Teach me, O deepest abyss, Creative Wisdom, who placed “mountains in scales and hills in weighing cups” (Is. 40:12), and supports the weight of the earth; and support this fleshly burden that I carry with Your invisible fingers, so that I can see and know how “wonderful is Your name in all the earth!” (Ps. 8:2, 10). The most ancient light, shining before any light on the holy mountains of ancient eternity, before which “everything is naked and open” (Heb. 4:13) even before anything came into being, Light, which, as the purest and alien to all filth, hates all uncleanness, what consolation to You from man? “What does light have in common with darkness?” (2 Cor. 6:14) What in a person comforts You? Where is the worthy sanctuary of Your greatness in me, so that I can enter it and find the consolation of Your love? A clean meal is fitting for You, O all-purifying Power; for only the pure in heart can see You, and even more so possess You. Where is there such a pure church in man that he can receive You? Who can make clean that which is conceived from an unclean seed? Are you the only one who is pure? And “what will be cleansed from unclean things?” (Sir. 34:4) For according to the law which You gave to our fathers, in the fire that burns the mountain, and in the cloud that covers the “darkness of the waters” (Ps. 17:12), whatever the unclean one touches, “it will be unclean” (Num. 19:12). “We have all become like one who is unclean” (Is. 64:6), coming from corrupt and unclean flesh, we have on our foreheads signs of our uncleanness, which we cannot hide from You, the All-Seeing One. And therefore we cannot be clean if You, the only pure one, do not cleanse us. You purify those of us sons of men in whom You are pleased to dwell, and whom, according to the inaccessibly deep mysteries of the incomprehensible destinies of Your wisdom, always just, although hidden, not according to any preliminary merits, You predestined before the world, called from the world, justified in the world, and will exalt at the end of the world. What amazement does all the wise lands marvel at? And I, Lord, reflecting on this, am horrified and numb at the “depth of wealth and wisdom and understanding” (Rom. 11:33), which I cannot reach. And the fate of Your righteousness is incomprehensible; because from “from the same mixture make” some vessels “to honor”, ​​while others to eternal dishonor (Rom. 9:21). Therefore, those whom You chose from the multitude to be Your church, You foreknew that they would keep themselves worthy of Your holiness, You cleanse them by pouring pure water on them, You know their names and numbers, “You count the number of the stars; He calls them all by their names” (Ps. 146:4). Those written in Your book of life will never perish; everything works out for their good. “When he falls, he will not fall” (Ps. 36:24), because You support them with Your hand, keeping “all their bones, so that not one of them will be broken.” But “the death of sinners is cruel” (Ps. 33:21-22), that is, those whom You, before you created heaven and earth, according to the inscrutable depth of Your hidden, but always righteous destinies, foresaw as worthy of eternal death. The number of their names and their evil deeds belongs to You, Who has numbered the multitude of the sand of the sea and measured the depth of the abyss, and You have left them in their filthiness; therefore everything serves them for evil. Their great unworthiness means that their very prayer turns into sin, and if they rise to the heavens and touch the clouds with their heads, “and lay their nest among the stars” (Abd.1, 4), and then they will finally perish through their sins and iniquities. 28. I tremble at the thought of how changeable man is and how righteous You are, Judge of the earth! Great are Your destinies, O Lord God, righteous and strong Judge, judging and giving righteous judgment; they are untested and deep. When I think about this, all my bones tremble; because a person, living on earth, cannot assure himself that all the days of his life he will serve piously and holyly with fear and rejoice with trembling; but his service will not be without fear, nor his joy without trembling. “Let not him who girds himself boast, as he who girds himself” (1 Kings 20:11), let not all flesh boast before You, but let him fear and tremble at Your presence; because a person does not know whether he is worthy of love or anger, but all this is kept in obscurity until the next century. For we see, Lord, and we heard from our fathers (which I cannot remember without great trembling, and say without much fear) that many initially ascended to heaven and laid their nest among the stars, and after that they fell to the abysses, and their souls became numb in evil. We saw that the stars fell from the sky as soon as a serpent’s blow struck, and those who lay in the dust of the earth, with the help of Your uplifting right hand, O Lord, were miraculously raised up. We have seen the living dead, and the dead rising from death. We saw that those who walked among the sons of God, among the stones of fire, like clay, turned into nothing. We saw that the light was darkened, and light was shining out of the darkness; because “tax collectors and harlots... are going into the kingdom of God” (Matthew 21:31) those who are apparently worthy to dwell in it “the sons of the kingdom will be cast out into outer darkness” (Matthew 8:12). And what is this for? Is it not because they also ascended that mountain, which someone initially ascended as an angel, but descended as a devil? Those whom You have predestined, Whom You will provide as worthy, You have called and sanctified and purified, so that they may truly be a worthy abode of Your greatness. With them and in them You find holy and pure consolation for Yourself; or you rejoice, and you rejoice their youth, dwelling with them in the midst of them, and they are your holy church, which is the great dignity of our human nature. 29. You alone can satisfy the desire of my soul and no one else but You! The soul that You created not from Yourself, but by Your Word, not from any elemental substance, but from nothing, a verbal, rational, spiritual soul, always living, always active, which You captured with the light of Your face, and sanctified with the power of Your font, was created so suitable for the glory of Your greatness that only by You, and not by anything else, can it be satisfied. When she possesses You, then her desire is fulfilled, and there is nothing left for her to desire. And if she desires something external, then it is an obvious sign that she does not possess You internally: for whoever possesses You has nothing more to desire. For You are the supreme and complete Good; and whoever has complete goodness has nothing more to desire. If she does not desire the entire good, then all that remains for her is to desire something that is not the entire good, therefore, not to desire the highest good, to desire not God, but the creature. And when he desires a creature, then he hungers incessantly; because, although it receives from creatures what it desires, it nevertheless remains unfilled, so that nothing can satisfy it except You, in whose image it was created. But You fill those who desire nothing but You; those you make worthy of You, holy, blessed, blameless and close to God, who “and I count all things as rubbish, that I may gain” You alone (Phil. 3:8). This is the bliss that You have prepared for man; This is the honor with which You honored man among all and before all creatures, so that “Your name may be wonderful throughout all the earth.” Behold, Lord my God, I have found the place where You, the Most High, dwell. Most Good and Almighty: You dwell in the soul, which You created in Your image and likeness, and which seeks and desires You alone; but you do not dwell in that soul that does not seek or desire You. 30. I looked for You in the world, but I found only in myself, for You Yourself revealed Yourself to me. Like a lost sheep, I went astray, looking for You outside, when You were inside. I worked hard, looking for You outside of myself, but You dwell within me, if only I could desire You. I walked around the villages and towns of this world, looking for You, and did not find You, because I was looking badly for that which was outside, what was inside. I sent my messengers - all the external senses - to find You, but I did not find You, because I was looking badly. For I see, O God, my Light, which has enlightened me, that I have sought badly with the help of external senses; You are within; they did not know where You came from. The eyes say: “If He had no color, He did not enter through us.” The ears say: “If you didn’t give a voice, then you didn’t pass through us.” The sense of smell says: “if it didn’t emit a smell, it didn’t pass through me.” Taste says: “If there was no taste in Him, He did not enter through me.” Touch adds: “if He is incorporeal, then don’t ask me about Him.” All this is not in You, my God. For not a bodily appearance, not temporary beauty, not bright whiteness or color, not pleasant sweet voices or any sweet sounds, not the smell of flowers, ointments and incense, not honey or manna that delights the taste, not anything pleasant to touch or embrace; and it is not at all anything else that is subject to these feelings that I seek when I seek my God. How can one imagine that my God should be something capable of feelings, which even dumb animals do not lack? And yet, when I seek my God, I seek a certain light, which is above all light, and which the eye does not perceive; I am looking for a certain voice that is higher than every voice, and which the ear cannot hear; I am looking for a certain fragrance that is higher than any fragrance and cannot be detected by the sense of smell; I am looking for some sweetness that is higher than all sweetness and is not known by taste; I am looking for some kind of embrace that is higher than any embrace, and imperceptible to external human touch. This light shines where its place does not embrace; this voice sounds where time does not steal it; This incense smells fragrant where the wind does not carry it; This sweetness is tasted where there is no greed; This embrace is tangible, where nothing is broken. Such is my God, and no other will be like Him; This I seek when I seek my God, this I love when I love my God. Late I loved You, Beauty so ancient and so new, late I loved You; You were inside me, and I was looking for You outside, there I was looking for You, and into this beautiful world that You created, I invaded the ugly one. You were with me, but I was not with You. What kept me away from You was something that could only exist through You. He went around everything, looking for You, and for the sake of everything he left himself. I asked the earth: “Isn’t she my God?” And she answered: “no”; and everything on earth confirmed it to me too. I asked the sea and the abysses and the reptiles in them, and they answered: “We are not your God; seek Him above us.” I asked the blowing winds, and all the air with all its inhabitants said to me: “Anaximenes is deceived, I am not your God.” I asked the sun, moon and stars; They say “we are not your God.” I said to everyone around the door of my flesh: “You told me that you are not my God, tell me something about God.” And everyone cried out loudly: “He created us.” After this I asked the vastness of the world: “Tell me: are you my God or not?” and the world answered loudly: “No, I am not God, but I exist as God, and Whom you seek in me, He created me; above me, look for the One who rules me, who created you too.” So I questioned the creatures, delved into examining them; This is how they answered me and testified about God; because they all cry out: “God created us”; and as the Apostle says, “from the creation of the world the invisible things of God have been understood by the creatures, but they are visible” (Rom. 1:20). And I returned to myself, entered into myself and said to myself: “Who are you?” And he answered himself: “I am a reasonable and mortal man.” And I began to think, what does this mean? and said: Where does this living creature come from? Where, if not from You, O Lord my God? You created me, and I did not create myself. But who are you? I live by You: everything lives by You. Who are you? You, Lord, are the true and one God, omnipotent and eternal, incomprehensible and immeasurable, You always live, and in You nothing dies; You are immortal, you dwell in eternity, wonderful to the eyes of the Angels, inscrutable, untestable, and nameless, the one and true God, terrible and strong, knowing neither the beginning nor the end, the beginning and the end of everything, You were before the beginning of the ages and before every beginning of the ages. You are my God and the Lord of all that You have created; With You are the causes of everything permanent, with You are the unchangeable principles of everything that changes and the eternal law of all rational and irrational and temporary creatures. Tell me, Thy humble servant, O my God; I beg You by Your mercy, say, O merciful One, to Your poor servant: where does this living creature come from, if not from You, O God? Was everyone really an artist of his own existence? Is it possible that being and life come from another beginning, and not from You? Are you not the highest being from whom all being comes? For whatever exists exists from You, and without You there is nothing. Are you not the source of life from which all life flows? For everything that lives lives by You, and without You nothing lives. Therefore, O Lord, You created everything. I ask: who created me? You created me, Lord, “without Him there was nothing” (John 1:3). You are my Father; I am the work of Your hands. I thank You, Lord my God, by Whom I live, and by Whom all things live; I thank You that You created me. Thank You, my Creator, that “Your hands worked on me and formed all of me” (Job 10:8)! Thanks to You, light my, that You enlightened me, and I found You and myself! Where I found myself, there I knew myself; where I found You, there I knew You; and where I knew You, there You enlightened me. Thank you, my light, for enlightening me! What did I say? did I know You? Are you not the incomprehensible and immeasurable God, “King of kings and Lord of lords, who alone has immortality, who dwells in unapproachable light, whom no man has seen or can see” (1 Tim. 6:15-16)? Are you not the hidden God of untested majesty, the only supreme knower and wonderful viewer of Yourself? For who has known what he has never seen? Your truth has spoken: “man cannot see Me and live” (Ex. 33:20). And Your preacher, according to Your truth, said: “No one has ever seen God” (John 1:18). And who, therefore, knew what he had never seen? The truth is also Your advertisement: “No one knows the Son except the Father; and no one knows the Father except the Son” (Matthew 11:27). Your One Trinity, which surpasses all understanding, is entirely known to Itself. Therefore, what did I say, a man who resembles vanity, as if I knew You? For who has known You except Yourself? You alone in the holy and divine scripture are called God almighty, most praiseworthy, glorious, exalted, most high and all-essential; because you exist essentially and incomprehensibly to the mind; You are above every intelligent or meaningful and sensual entity, and above every name that is named not only in this age, but also in the future; because You, by Your all-essential and hidden Divinity, above all mind and meaning and above all essence, dwell unapproachably and untested in Yourself, where the light is unapproachable and the lightness is untested, incomprehensible, unspeakable - a lightness that no other lightness reaches; because it is inconceivable, invisible, above all reason and meaning, and inaccessible, and indispensable and incomprehensible, and none of the Angels or men ever sees or can see it. This is Your heaven, Lord, a heaven that conceals within itself the most sacred, transcendent of mind and meaning, the all-essential lightness; it is said about him: “Heaven is heaven to the Lord” (Ps. 113:24), “heaven is heaven,” before which all heaven is earth, because it is most wonderfully exalted above any heaven for which this visible heaven is earth. And this “Heaven is heaven for the Lord,” not for anyone else, but only for the Lord. To this heaven “No one has ascended into heaven except he who came down from heaven” (John 3:13): because “no one knows the Son except the Father; and no one knows the Father except the Son” and the Spirit (Matthew 11:27). For You alone are completely aware of You, the Holy Trinity, the most wonderful, most inscrutable, most unexplored, most inaccessible, incomprehensible, inconceivable, all-essential Trinity, You are all-essentially superior to every feeling, every mind, every sense, every understanding, every essence of the heavenly spirits. How did I know You, O Lord my God, exalted above all the earth and above all heaven - You, Whom neither the Seraphim nor the Cherubim know perfectly, but covering their faces with the wings of contemplation before “who sits on the throne, high and exalted,” they cry out and say: “Holy, Holy, Holy is the Lord of Hosts! the whole earth is full of His glory"? (Is.6, 1-3) And the Prophet was horrified and said: "Woe is me! I'm dead! for I am a man of unclean lips" (Is. 6:5). And my heart was horrified, because I did not remain silent, like “a man of unclean lips,” but said: I have come to know You. However, Lord, woe to those who keep silent about You; because even those who speak well without You become dumb. And I will not keep silent about what You created and enlightened me. I found and knew myself, I found and knew You, because You enlightened me. But how did I know You? I recognized You in Yourself; I knew You, not what You are in Yourself, but what You are towards me; I knew You not without You, but in You, because You are the light that enlightened me. What You are in Yourself, You alone know such; but how You are towards me, this, by Your grace, is known to me. But what are you like towards me? Say this, O merciful One, to Thy poor servant; tell me, according to Your compassions, what kind of person are You to me? “Say to my soul: “I am your salvation!” (Ps.34:3). Hide not Your face from me, lest I die. Allow me, earth and ashes, to speak to Thy mercy; allow it, because Your mercy is great towards me - “behold, I have decided to tell the Master, I am dust and ashes” (Gen. 18:27). Tell me, humble one, tell me, O merciful one, Thy poor servant, tell me according to Thy compassions: how are You towards me? And You thundered from above with a great voice into the inner hearing of my heart, You resolved my deafness, and I heard Your voice; You enlightened my blindness, and I saw Your light, and I knew that You are my God. That is why I said that I knew You. I have come to know about You that You are my God; knew “You are the only true God, and it is Jesus Christ who sent you” (John 17:3). There was a time when I did not know You. Woe to the time when I did not know You; woe to that blindness when I did not see You; woe to that deafness when I did not hear You! Blind, deaf and ugly, I rushed towards Your beautiful creations. You were with me, but I was not with You; What kept me far from You was something that would not have existed if it had not come into being from You. You enlightened me, O light, and I saw You and loved You. For no one can love You except someone who sees You; and no one can see You except someone who loves You. Late I loved You, beauty so ancient and so new, late I loved You. Woe to the time when I did not love You! 31. I have come to know You in the glorified Trinity and I worship You Thank you, my Light, who enlightened me so that I came to know You? How did I know You? I recognized in You the one living God and my true Creator; I recognized in You the Creator of heaven and earth, everything visible and invisible, the true God, omnipotent, immortal, invisible, indescribable, boundless, eternal, impregnable, incomprehensible, unsearchable, immutable, immeasurable, infinite principle of all visible and invisible creatures, by whom everything was created and by whom all elements are supported in being, whose greatness is like never had a beginning, and will never cease forever. I came to know You as the one, true, eternal God, Father and Son and Holy Spirit, three Persons, but one essence, a completely simple and indivisible nature; The beginningless Father, the Son begotten of the Father and the Holy Spirit proceeding from the Father, without beginning always and infinitely, the Trinitarian God, the one and only true God, the all-powerful, the one beginning of the universe, the Creator of everything visible and invisible, spiritual and physical, Who by omnipotent power at the beginning of time created from nothing this and that other creature - both spiritual and physical, i.e. the angelic world and the visible world, and then human nature, as something common, composed of body and spirit. I have come to know and confess You, God the Unbegotten Father, You are the Only Begotten Son, You are the Holy Spirit, the Comforter, neither unborn nor begotten, but proceeding from the Father; I know and confess the holy and indivisible Trinity in three equal consubstantial and co-eternal Persons, the Trinity in one and one in the Trinity, “for with the heart they believe unto righteousness, and with the mouth confess unto salvation” (Rom. 10:10). I have come to know You as the true God and our Lord Jesus Christ, the Only Begotten Son of God, the Creator, the Savior, who redeemed me and the entire human race, and I confess You as born of the Father before the ages, God from God, light from light, true God from the true God, not created, but begotten, consubstantial and co-eternal with the Father and the Holy Spirit, by whom all things were created from the beginning; I firmly believe and truly confess that you are the Only Begotten God, Jesus Christ, for the salvation of people, according to the advice of the Most Holy Trinity, was incarnated and conceived from the Ever-Virgin Mary by the influx of the Holy Spirit and became a true man, consisting of a rational soul and human flesh; what are you, by. To the Divinity, the Only Begotten God, impassive and immortal, according to Your ineffable love with which You loved us, the same Son of God became suffering and mortal in humanity; that You, the only Son of God, for the salvation of the human race on the tree of the cross, deigned to endure suffering and death in order to save us from eternal death; that You, the chief of light, descended into hell to our fathers who were in darkness, and on the third day, But You, the glorious conqueror, ascended from the graves on high and resurrected Your holy body, which for our sins lay dead in the tomb, giving life to it, according to Scripture, on the third day, to set it at the right hand of the Father. For, having taken with You captivity from hell, captivated by the ancient enemy of the human race, You, the true Son of God, with the nature of our flesh, that is, with the soul and flesh of man, received from the glorious Virgin, ascended above all the heavens, surpassing all ranks of Angels, and you sit at the right hand of God the Father, where the source of life and the unapproachable light and the peace of God, surpassing every mind There we worship You, the true God and man - Jesus Christ, believing and confessing that You have God as your Father, and we expect that from there You will come as a Judge at the end of the age, to judge the living and the dead, and to reward all the good and the bad according to their deeds done in this life, rewarding or punishing each according to his dignity, either with peace or torment. For on that day, according to the voice of Your power, all people, all who had a human soul within them, will rise in the flesh that they had in this life, so that all man, according to his deserts, will receive either glory or Gehenna. You are “our ... residence” and resurrection, “from where we look for the Savior, our Lord Jesus Christ, who will transform our lowly body so that it will be like His glorious body.” (Phil. 3, 20, 21). I came to know You as the true God, the life-giving Holy Spirit, proceeding from the Father, consubstantial and co-eternal with the Father and the Son, our Comforter and Advocate, who descended in the form of a dove on God and our Lord Jesus Christ, and appeared on the Apostles in the form of tongues of fire, who, with the gift of His grace from the beginning, taught all the saints and elect of God, and opened the mouth of the Prophets, so that they told the wonders of the Kingdom of God; and worshiped and glorified together with the Father and the Son from all the saints of God, with whom I, the son of Thy handmaid, glorify Thy name with all my heart; because You enlightened me. You are the true light, the true-speaking lordship, the fire of God and the teacher of spirits, guiding us into all truth with Your anointing. You are the Spirit of truth, without Whom it is impossible to please God, because You are God from God and light from light, ineffably emanating from the Father of lights, consubstantial, equal and co-eternal with the Father and the Son, and with Them in the one being of the Trinity you are supremely glorified and you reign. I came to know You - the One living and true God, Father and Son and Holy Spirit, Trinity in Persons and One in Essence; and I worship You, I confess and glorify You with all my heart, the true God, the one holy, immortal, invisible, immutable, unapproachable, unsearchable, one lordship, one sun, one bread, one life, one good, one beginning, one end, one Creator of heaven and earth, by whom everything lives, everything is supported in being, everything is brought into order, controlled and whatever is in heaven and on earth and under the earth is brought to life—besides Whom there is no God, neither in heaven nor on earth. Thus have I come to know You, O Lord God, Who has known me! This is how I came to know You. I came to know You by the faith that You breathed into me, my light, the brightness of my eyes, Lord my God, the hope of all the ends of the earth, the joy that cheers my youth, and the blessing that strengthens my old age. For You, Lord, all my bones cry out in triumph: “Lord, Lord, who is like You?” (Ps.34:10); “Who is like you in God, O Lord” (Ps. 85:8), - not made by human hands, but made by human hands? “Their idols are silver and gold, the work of human hands” (Ps. 113:12). But you are not like that, Creator of men. “For all the gods of the nations are idols, but the Lord created the heavens” (Ps. 95:5). “And the Lord God is the truth; He is the living God and the eternal King... the gods who did not create heaven and earth will disappear from the earth and from under the heavens” (Jer. 10, 10, 11). May heaven and earth bless God, who created heaven and earth! 32. I did not look for You, - You sought me out: I thank You, my Enlightener! “Who is like You in God, O Lord?” Who is like You, great in holiness, terrible and praiseworthy, “work wonders.” I came to know You late, true Lordship, I came to know You late. A great and dark cloud covered the eyes of my vanity, and I could not see You, the Sun of truth and the Lordship of truth. I was immersed in darkness, the son of darkness; I loved my darkness, because I did not know lightness; I was blind, and I loved blindness, and I moved from darkness to darkness. Who brought me out of this darkness and the shadow of death, in which I was blind? Who took me by the hand to get me out of there? Who is my enlightener? It was not I who sought Him, but He who sought me. It was not I who called to Him, but He who called me. Who is this? You, O Lord my God, are merciful and merciful, the Father of mercies and the God of all comfort; You, Holy Lord my God, whom I confess with all my heart, bringing thanksgiving to Your name! I did not seek You, but You sought me; I did not call on You, and You called me; called me by Your name; thundered from above with a strong voice in the inner ear of my heart: “Let there be light: and there was light” (Gen. 1:3), and a great light descended, and the dark cloud that covered my eyes melted away, and I lifted up my gaze, and saw Your light, and knew Your voice, and said: Truly, Lord, You are my God, and You brought me out of darkness and the shadow of death, and called me into a wonderful Your light, and now I see. Thanks be to You, my God! Because here I see. Thanks to You, my Enlightener! And I turned and saw the darkness in which I was, and the dark abyss in which I lay, and I trembled and was horrified, and said: Alas, alas! in what darkness I was! Alas, alas! How blind I was, and could not see the light of heaven! Alas! What is my past ignorance, in which I did not recognize You, Lord! I thank You, my Enlightener and my Savior, for You enlightened me and I came to know You. I came to know You late, O ancient Truth; I came to know You late, Eternal Truth. You were in the light, but I was in darkness and did not know You; because I could not be enlightened without You, and there is no light besides You. 33. Mysterious God! Enlighten my eyes, that I may see You face to face! Holy of Holies, God of inscrutable majesty, God of gods and Lord of lords, wonderful, ineffable, inconceivable, before Whom the Angelic Powers in heaven tremble, Whom Dominions and Thrones worship, and before Whom all Powers are filled with fear; Whose power and wisdom are without number; who founded the world on nothing and gathered the sea in the air as in a bottle; Almighty, Most Holy, Mighty God of spirits and all flesh, before Whose face heaven and earth turn to flight: and to Whose beck all the elements submit! You are worshiped, You are glorified by all Your creations. And I, the son of Thy servant, with faith bow the neck of my heart to the feet of Thy Majesty, offering thanksgiving for the fact that in Thy mercy You have deigned to enlighten me, True Lordship, Holy Lordship, Joyful Lordship, Wonderful Lordship, Most praiseworthy Lordship, enlightening every person coming into this world, and even the eyes of Angels. So I began to see, and I offer thanks. Here I see heavenly lordship, a heavenly ray from the face of Your lordship illuminates the eyes of my mind and gladdens all my bones. Oh, that he would be perfected in me! I beg you, Creator of Light, to increase the light that shines upon me. May the ray of Your lordship emanating from You expand in me more and more. And what do I feel in myself? What kind of fire is this that warms my heart? What light is this that illuminates my heart with its rays? You are a burning and never extinguishing fire, ignite me! You are the ever shining and never darkening Light, enlighten me! Oh, that I might be aflame with Thy fire! How pleasantly You burn, holy fire! How mysteriously you shine, how lustfully you kindle! Woe to those who do not burn with You! Woe to those who are not enlightened by You, true-speaking Lordship, illuminating the whole world and filling it with light! Woe to blind eyes that do not see You, Sun, who illuminates heaven and earth! Woe to darkened eyes that cannot see You! Woe to those who do not turn away their eyes, so as not to see the truth, and to those who do not turn away their eyes, so as not to see vanity! Eyes accustomed to darkness cannot see the rays of the highest truth; Those who live in darkness do not know how to judge lightness, and they see darkness, and love darkness, and approve of darkness; Moving from darkness to darkness, these poor ones do not know where they will fall and be crushed; they don't know what they're missing out on. But even worse are those who know what they are losing; they fall with their eyes open, and the living descend into hell. Oh, blessed Light, which can only be seen with the purest eyes! “Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God” (Matt. 5:8). Cleanse me, Purifying Power! Heal my eyes, so that with healthy eyes I may behold You, on Whom only healthy eyes look. Remove from my eyes the scales of ancient darkness with the rays of Your illumination, the unapproachable radiance, so that I can look at You with unwavering gaze, and in Your light see the light. Thank you, my Light! For now I began to see. I beg You, Lord, that My vision may be expanded by You. “Open my eyes, and I will understand the wonders of Your law” (Ps. 119:18), wondrous in Your Saints, O God. I give thanks to You, my lordship! For now I began to see, and I see, “as if through a glass darkly.” When is it “face to face”? (1 Cor. 13:12) When will the day of joy and joy come, in which “I will go to the place of a wondrous settlement, even to the house of God” (Ps. 41:5), or will I see the One who sees me face to face, and my desire will be satisfied? 34. When I come and appear before Your face, my God! “As a deer longs for streams of water, so longs my soul for You, O God! My soul thirsts for the mighty, living God: when will I come and appear before the face of God!” (Ps. 41, 2, 3) When will I come to the waters of Your sweetness, the fountain of life, the spring of living waters, from an empty, impenetrable and waterless land, so that I may see Your power and Your glory, and quench my thirst with the waters of Your mercy? I am thirsty, O Lord, source of life, give me something to drink. I thirst, Lord, I thirst for You, the living God. Oh, when will I come and appear before Your face, O Lord? Will I see that day, the day of joy and gladness, “This is the day the Lord has made: let us rejoice and be glad in it” (Ps. 117:24)? A bright day, knowing no evening, having no west, on which I will hear the voice of praise, the voice of joy and confession, I will hear: “To the joy of your master” (Matthew 25:21), enter into eternal joy, into the house of the Lord your God, where “great and unsearchable works, wonderful without number” (Job. 5, 9); enter into carefree joy, which contains eternal joy, where there will be every good and there will be no evil; where there will be everything that is desired, and there will not be that which is not; where there will be life-giving, sweet and longed for and ever-memorable; where there will be no attacking enemy, no seduction, but the highest and undoubted security, safe silence, quiet pleasantness, pleasant happiness, happy eternity, eternal bliss and the blessed Trinity, and trinitarian unity, and the one Divinity, and the blissful contemplation of the Divine - this is the joy of my Lord. O joy of joys, a joy that surpasses all joy, outside of which there is no joy! When will I enter into you so that I can see my Lord who dwells in you? I will come and see “this great phenomenon” (Ex. 3:3). What is holding me back? “Woe is me, for my coming continues” (Ps. 119:5)! How long will they say to me: “Where is your God” (Ps. 41:4)? How long will they say to me: “Be patient” (Ps. 39:2)? And now, O Lord, are you not my expectation? We are waiting “and we are waiting for the Savior, our Lord Jesus Christ, who will transform our lowly body so that it will be like His glorious body” (Philippians 3:20,21); We wait for the Lord when He returns from marriage, so that He can bring us to His supper. Come, Lord, and do not delay; come, Lord Jesus Christ, come and visit us with peace; come and bring this bound man out of prison; let a perfect heart rejoice before You; come, our Savior; Come, the longing of all tongues, show Your face, and we will be saved. Come, my light, my Redeemer; “Bring my soul out of prison to confess to Your name” (Ps. 141:8). How long will I, poor man, wallow in the waves of my mortality? I cry to You, Lord, and you do not listen to me... Hear, Lord, crying out from this great sea, and lead me into the haven of eternal bliss. Blessed are those who have been delivered from the dangers of this sea, who have been deemed worthy to come to You, O God, the safest haven. Truly blessed are those who come from the sea to the shore, from exile to the fatherland, from prison to the palace. They already enjoy the longed-for peace, because, having received the crown of eternal glory, earned here through many sorrows, they rejoice forever. They are truly blessed, three times and four times blessed, because having gotten rid of all evils, no longer doubting their unfading glory, they were vouchsafed to achieve the kingdom of beauty. O eternal kingdom, the kingdom of all ages, where there is unwavering lightness “and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding” (Phil. 4:7), in which the souls of the saints rest! “Eternal joy will be over their heads; they will find joy and gladness, and sorrow and groaning will be removed” (Is. 35:10). How glorious is the kingdom in which, with You, Lord, all the saints reign, clothed in light as with a robe, having on their heads “a crown of pure gold” (Ps. 20:4)! O kingdom of eternal bliss, in which You, Lord, the hope of the saints and the crown of glory, will be seen face to face by Your saints, cheering them with Your peace, which surpasses all understanding! There is endless joy, joy without sorrow, health without illness, life without labor, light without darkness, life without death, every good without any evil; there youth never grows old, there life knows no limit; there beauty never fades; there love never grows cold; there health never fails; there joy is never diminished; sadness is never felt there; no sighing is ever heard there, nothing sorrowful is seen there; there is always fun there; there is no fear of evil there; because there they have the supreme good, and it is the constant contemplation of the face of the Lord of hosts. Therefore, blessed are those who, out of this stormy life, have already been vouchsafed to achieve so many joys. But, alas, we are unfortunate and pitiful, dragging the ship along the waves of this great sea and through the stormy depths, not knowing whether we will be able to reach the pier of salvation. Unhappy are we, whose life is in exile, whose path is in danger, whose end is uncertain, who do not know their end, because everything is in obscurity until the next century, and we are still floating in the waves of the sea, sighing for the pier. From afar we see you, our fatherland, our safe fatherland. We greet you from this sea, we sigh for you in this vale, and with tears we strive, be that as it may, to reach you. The hope of the human race, Christ, God from God, our refuge and strength, Thy lordship from afar, through dark clouds among the storms of the sea, shines upon our eyes, like the ray of a star showing the way to the pier. Thou, Lord, steer our ship with Thy right hand, the helm of Thy cross, lest we perish in the waves, lest a storm of water drown us, lest the depths swallow us; but by the power of Your cross, draw us from the sea to You, our only consolation; With teary eyes from afar, like the morning star, the sun of truth, we barely see You, waiting for us on the shore of the heavenly fatherland. Here we cry to You, redeemed by You, but even now still in exile, we cry, whom You redeemed with your precious blood: “Hear us, O God our Savior, the hope of all the ends of the earth and those who are far off at sea” (Psalm 64:6). We rush through the stormy sea; You, standing on the shore, see our wreck; save us for your name's sake. Let us, Lord, pass among two abysses, and, having safely preserved the ship and bought ours, reach the pier. When will we come to You - the Source of wisdom, to You - the unflickering Light, to You - the unevening Light, so that we can see You no longer “with a mirror in fortune-telling”, but “face to face” (1 Cor. 13:12); then our desire will be satisfied in good things; because there is nothing left for us to desire anymore. You, Lord, the supreme Good, will be the reward of the blessed, and the crown of their glory, and eternal joy over their heads, and internally and externally pacifying them with Your peace, which surpasses all understanding. There we will see, love and praise You. In Your light we will see Your light; “For with You is the fountain of life; in Your light we see light” (Ps. 35:10). And what light? Immeasurable light, immaterial, incomprehensible light, unflickering light, unevening light, unapproachable, uncreated light, truthful light, Divine light, which enlightens the eyes of Angels, gladdens the youth of the saints, and is the lordship of lordships and the source of life, that is, You, Lord my God. For You are the light, in whose light we will see light, that is, You - in You, in the brightness of Your face; because we will see You face to face. What does it mean to see face to face? Isn’t that what the Apostle says: to know, “even as I am known” (1 Cor. 13:12)? To know Your Trinity means to see it face to face; to know the omnipotence of the Father, the wisdom of the Son, the mercy of the Holy Spirit, the one and indivisible essence of the all-highest Trinity, means to behold the face of the living God. And this is the highest good, joy for the Angels and all the saints, the reward of eternal life, the glory of the spirits, eternal joy, the crown of glory, the reward of bliss, abundant peace, the beauty of the gift, inner and eternal joy, the paradise of God, heavenly Jerusalem, blessed life, the fullness of bliss, the joy of eternity, “peace that surpasses all understanding” (Phil. 4:7). This is the complete bliss and complete glorification of man - to behold the face of his God, to behold the One who created him, who saved him, and who glorified him. Man will see Him by knowing Him, will love Him by desiring Him, and will praise Him by possessing Him. For He Himself will be the inheritance of His people, the holy people whom He has redeemed. He himself will be their blessed possession, their reward and expected reward. I will, he says, “your reward is very great” (Gen. 15:1)! Truly, O Lord my God, You are very great above all gods, and Your reward is very great. For it is fitting for the great to be great; and Your reward is not small, when You Yourself are great; but as great as You are, so great is Your reward. For not another is You, but another is Your reward. But You Yourself are very great, You Yourself are both the crowning one and the crown. You yourself are both the promise and the promise; You are both the giver of bribes and the rewarder of bribes; You are both the giver of rewards and the reward of eternal bliss. You are the crowning one and the crown, my God, the crown of my hope, adorned with glory; joyful lordship, renewing light, decorating beauty, my great hope, the desire of the hearts of the saints and their aspirations. So, contemplation of You is the complete reward, the complete reward and the complete joy that we expect. “This is eternal life,” says Your wisdom: “This is eternal life, that they may know You, the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom You have sent” (John 17:3). Therefore, when we see You, the One God, the true God, the living God, omnipotent, invisible, indescribable, incomprehensible; and Your only begotten Son, Your consubstantial and co-eternal God, our Lord Jesus Christ, Whom You sent into the world for our salvation, and the Holy Spirit - we will see the Trinity God in Persons and One in essence, the One Holy God, besides Whom there is no God: then we will have what we seek, we will have eternal life, endless glory, which You have prepared for those who love You, which You have hidden for to those who fear You, and You will give to those who seek You, who always seek Your face. And Thou, Lord my God, my Creator, from the womb of my mother, who entrusted me to Thy right hand, do not allow me to be amused in many things on my own; but gather me from the external into myself, and from me into You, so that my heart will always tell You: “I will seek my face for You. I will seek Your face, O Lord” (Ps. 26:8), - Your face, O Lord of Hosts, in Whom alone consists all the glory of the blessed, - which to behold is the eternal life and eternal joy of the saints. Therefore let my heart be glad, and let it fear Your name; let the hearts of those who seek the Lord rejoice, and even more so the hearts of those who find You. For if seeking is already joy, then what kind of joy is it to find? Therefore, I will earnestly and unceasingly seek Your face. May the door and gates of righteousness be opened for me someday, so that I may enter into the joy of my Lord. “This is the gate of the Lord; the righteous will enter into them” (Ps. 117:20). 36. To the point, open to me, Lord! Three equal and co-eternal Persons! The one and true God, Father, Son and Holy Spirit, who alone dwells in eternity and in the unapproachable light, founded the earth with Your omnipotence, and rules the universe with Your wisdom; Holy, Holy, Holy is the Lord God of Hosts, terrible and strong, righteous and merciful, wondrous, praiseworthy, merciful, one God, three Persons in one essence, omnipotence, wisdom, goodness, one and indivisible Trinity, open to me who cries, “Open to me the gates of righteousness; I will enter into them and glorify the Lord” (Ps. 117:19). Behold, at Thy door, O Supreme Lord, I strike, beggar; Commanded the one who strikes to open for me - You who said: “Knock, and it will be opened to you” (Matthew 7:7). The desires of my groaning heart and the tearful cries of my eyes strike at Your door, most merciful Father, “all my desires are before You, and my sighing is not hidden from You” (Ps. 37:10). And You, Lord, “do not hide Your face from me; do not reject Your servant in anger” (Ps. 26:9). Hear, O Father of mercies, the cry of Thy orphan, and stretch out Thy best helper, Thy hand, that He may draw me from the deep waters, from the blessings of adversity, “and from the clay of the mire” (Ps. 39:3), and I will not perish before the merciful gaze of Thy eyes, in view of Thy compassion; but may I come to You, my Lord God, and see the riches of Your kingdom, and I will forever contemplate Your face and proclaim the praise of Your holy name, O Lord, who does wonderful things, who gladdens my heart with the memory of You, who enlightens my youth, who does not despise my old age, but makes all my bones rejoice, and my old age is renewed like an eagle. All glory, all praise, all strength, all power, all splendor, all bliss, be to God the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit! Amen. You might be interested in: