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“The home of the soul is patience: because it lives in it; the food of the soul is humility: because it feeds on it,” 352 said Saint Elijah Eudik. Exactly: by eating the holy food of humility, one can dwell in the holy house of patience. When this food is lacking, the soul leaves the house of patience. Like a whirlwind, her embarrassment steals away, carries her away, swirls around her. Various passionate thoughts and sensations rise in her like waves, drowning her in the depths of reckless and sinful thoughts, dreams, words and actions. The soul comes into a state of relaxation, gloomy despondency, and often approaches the abysses of murderous despair and complete disorder. Do you want to remain forever in the holy house of patience? – Stock up on the food necessary for such a stay: acquire and multiply in yourself humble thoughts and feelings. The type of humility that prepares one for the endurance of sorrows before their arrival and contributes to the complacent endurance of sorrows after their arrival is called “self-reproach” by the Holy Fathers. Self-reproach is accusing oneself of sinfulness, common to all people and of one’s own. At the same time, it is useful to remember and count your violations of the Law of God, except for fornication and stumbling, the detailed recollection of which is prohibited by the Fathers, as renewing in a person the feeling of sin and the pleasure of it 353. Self-reproach is a monastic activity, it is a mental activity, opposed and counteracting the painful property of fallen nature, according to which all people, even the most obvious sinners, try to show themselves as righteous and prove their righteousness with the help of all kinds of tricks. Self-reproach is violence to fallen nature, just as prayer and other monastic feats serve as violence to it, with which “the Kingdom of Heaven is in need”, and with which “the needy women delight it” (Matthew 11:12). Self-reproach has, at the beginning of an exercise in it, the character of an unconscious mechanism, that is, it is pronounced with the tongue without much heartfelt sympathy, even in opposition to the heartfelt feeling; then, little by little, the heart will begin to sympathize with the words of self-reproach; finally, self-reproach will be pronounced with all the soul, with an abundant feeling of crying, will diminish before us and hide from us the shortcomings and sins of our neighbors, reconcile to all people and circumstances, gather thoughts scattered throughout the world into the work of repentance, bring attentive prayer filled with tenderness, inspire and arm us with the irresistible power of patience. All the prayers of the Orthodox Church are filled with humble thoughts of self-condemnation. But monks devote part of their time every day to practicing self-reproach. Through it they try to assure, convince themselves that they are sinners: fallen nature does not want to believe this, does not want to assimilate this knowledge. In general, self-reproach is useful for all monks: both for beginners, and for those who have succeeded, and for those staying in the community, and for those who are silent. For the latter, the most dangerous passion, consuming everything they do, is arrogance; 354 so, on the contrary, the main virtue for them, on which all other virtues are based and supported, is self-reproach. That is why the Abba of the silent Nitrian people said that their most important task, at his discretion, is constant self-reproach 355. Self-reproach, having reached its fullness, completely eradicates malice from the heart, completely eradicating from it guile and hypocrisy, which never cease to live in the heart until self-justification takes a place in it. The Monk Pimen the Great said that hatred of wickedness lies in when a person justifies his neighbor, but in any case blames himself 356. This saying is based on the words of the Savior: The Savior called everyone who condemns their neighbors a hypocrite (Matthew 7:5). With self-reproach, the silent person will see all people as saints and angels, and himself as a sinner among sinners, and will plunge, as into an abyss, into constant tenderness. We have excellent images of self-reproach in the Sobs of St. Isaiah the Hermit and in the 20 Words of St. Isaac of Syria. Saint Isaac, whose book generally contains instructions for the silent, gave the following title to his Word: “A Word containing the most necessary and useful daily reminder to the one who is silent in his cell, and whoever chooses to listen to himself alone.” “A certain brother,” says Saint Isaac, “wrote the following, and kept it constantly in front of him as a reminder to himself: “You lived your life in madness, O disgraced man worthy of all evil! At least protect yourself on this day, the remainder of your days, sacrificed to vanity, outside of good activities, enriched by evil activities. Do not ask about this world, nor about its state, nor about the monks, nor about their activities, what they are, nor about the number of their feats - do not worry about anything like that. You came out of the world mysteriously, counted as dead for Christ's sake: live no longer for the world, lower for what belongs to the world, may peace precede you, and may you live in Christ. Be ready and prepared to suffer all reproach, all annoyance, and reproach and reproach from everyone. Accept all this with joy, as definitely worthy of it. Endure with thanksgiving to God every illness, every sorrow and misfortune from the demons whose will you fulfilled. Courageously endure every need and sorrow that comes from nature. With trust in God, endure the deprivation of the body’s needs, which will soon turn into pus. Accept all this with good will in hope of God, without expecting either deliverance or consolation from anyone else. “Cast up all your care upon the Lord” (Ps. 54:23), and in all your temptations judge yourself as the cause of them. Do not be tempted by anything, and do not reproach anyone who insults you: because you have eaten from the forbidden tree, and have acquired various passions. Accept these sorrows with joy; let them shock you a little, so that you may enjoy it later. Woe to you and your evil-smelling glory! You left your soul, full of all sin, unattended, as if uncondemned, but you condemned others both in word and in thought. Leave this food of pigs on which you have been eating until now. What do you care about people, oh nasty one! How are you not ashamed of communicating with them, having spent your life crazy! If you pay attention to this and remember all this, then perhaps you will be saved with the assistance of God. If not, then you will go to a dark country, to the villages of demons, whose will you shamelessly carried out. Here! I have witnessed all this to you. If God righteously raises up people against you to repay you for the annoyances and reproaches that you thought and uttered against them, then the whole world must forever rebel against you. And so from now on, stop (acting as you have acted before), and endure the rewards allowed to you.” “The brother reminded himself of all this every day, so that he would be able to endure, with thanksgiving to God and with his own spiritual benefit, temptations or sorrows when they come. Let us also endure with thanksgiving what is allowed to us, and benefit from the grace of a man-loving God.” Self-reproach has that special, most useful, mysterious property that it awakens in the memory such sins that were completely forgotten, or to which no attention was paid. Exercise in self-reproach introduces the habit of reproaching oneself. When someone who has acquired this skill suffers any sorrow, the effect of the skill immediately appears in him, and the sorrow is accepted as deserved. “The main reason for all confusion,” says the Monk Abba Dorotheos, if we carefully examine, is that we do not reproach ourselves. This is where every disorder comes from; for this reason we never find peace. And so it is not surprising that we hear from all the saints: “there is no other way but this.” We do not see that any of the saints, following any other path, found peace! And we want to have it, and stay on the right path, never wanting to reproach ourselves. Truly, if a person accomplishes dozens of virtues, but does not adhere to this path, he will never cease to be offended and insulted, thereby ruining all his works. On the contrary: he who reproaches himself is always in joy, always in peace. He who reproaches himself, wherever he goes, as Abba Pimen said, no matter what happens to him, be it harm, or dishonor, or any sorrow, already first considers himself worthy of everything unpleasant, and is never embarrassed. Could there be anything calmer than this state? But someone will say: If my brother insults me, and I, having examined myself, find that I did not give him any reason for this, then how can I reproach myself? Truly, if anyone examines himself with the fear of God, he will find that he has given the occasion in every possible way, either by deed, or by word, or in any way. If he sees, as he says, that at the present time he has not given any reason, then at some time before he offended him or another brother in this matter or in some other, and had to suffer for this, or for some other sin, which often happens. So! if anyone examines himself, as I said, with the fear of God, and examines his conscience, he will find himself guilty in every possible way” 357. Wonderful thing! Beginning to reproach ourselves mechanically, forcibly, we finally achieve such self-reproach that convinces us and acts on us that with its help we endure not only ordinary sorrows, but also the greatest disasters. Temptations no longer have such power over those who succeed, but as they succeed, they become easier, even if they themselves were heavier. As one succeeds, the soul grows stronger and receives the strength to patiently endure what happens 358. Strength is served as if it were a particularly nutritious food, deepened in the heart by humility. This strength is patience. Undoubted faith in God's Providence strengthens one's patience and promotes self-reproach. “Are not two birds valued by one assar,” the Lord said to His disciples, “and not a single one of them will fall to the earth, without your Father. For you and the main things, read all the essence. Do not be afraid” (Matthew 10:29–30). With these words, the Savior of the world depicted the vigilant care that God has, and which only the omnipotent and omnipresent God can have, for His servants and servants. By such care of God for us, we are delivered from all cowardly care and fear about ourselves, inspired in us by unbelief. “Let us therefore humble ourselves under the mighty hand of God, so that in time Nan may lift up all our sorrow, for He cares for us” (1 Pet. 5:6-7). When we are afflicted, God sees it. This happens not only by His permission, but also by His all-holy providence for us. He allows us to suffer for our sins in time in order to save us from languor in eternity. It often happens that our secret and grave sin remains unknown to people, remains without punishment, being covered by the mercy of God; at the same time, or after some time, we are forced to suffer in some way, as a result of slander or pickiness, as if in vain and innocently. Our conscience tells us that we suffer for our secret sin! The mercy of God, which covered this sin, gives us the means to be crowned with the crown of innocent sufferers for enduring slander, and together to be cleansed by punishment from secret sin. Considering this, let us glorify the all-holy Providence of God and humble ourselves before it. An instructive example of self-condemnation and self-reproach, combined with the glorification of the righteous and many-merciful Destinies of God, was set by the three holy Jewish youths in captivity and in the caves of Babylon. “Blessed are you, Lord God of our fathers,” they said, “Praised and glorified is Your name forever. For Thou art righteous in regard to all that Thou hast done for us, and all Thy deeds are true, and Thy decrees are true, and Thy judgments are all true, and Thou hast created true destinies for all that Thou hast brought upon us and upon the city of our holy father Jerusalem: for by truth and judgment Thou hast brought all this sin upon us for our sakes. For we have sinned and committed iniquity, having departed from You, and have sinned in all things” (Dan. 3:26–29). The Holy Youths, for their faithfulness to the true God, were thrown into a fiery furnace, and without being burned, but staying in it as if in a cool palace, they recognized and confessed that they had sinned along with their compatriots who had truly departed from God. Out of love for their neighbors, they extended the sins of their neighbors to themselves. Out of humility, being saints and righteous, they did not want to be separated from their brothers enslaved to sin. From this state, from a state of self-condemnation, humility and love for humanity, from justification of God's permission, they already brought a prayer to God for their salvation. So we too will glorify God’s Providence and confess our sinfulness in all the adversities we encounter, both private and public, and on the basis of these glorifications and confessions we will beg God for mercy. The Holy Scripture testifies that the servants of God, walking the path of God’s commandments, are sent special sorrows to help their activities, just as the Savior of the world said that the Heavenly Father “cleanses every rod... that produces fruit in Christ, so that it may bear abundant fruit” (John 15:2). These purifying sorrows are called permissions or destinies of God; Saint David sang about them: “The destinies of the Lord are true and justified together” (Ps. 19:10). “Teach me Your destinies!” (Ps.119:108). Let me know and be sure that everything bitter that happens to me happens according to the providence of God, according to the will of my God! Then I will also know that “Your destinies will help me” in my weak and insufficient pleasing to God (Ps. 119:175). As an example of how the destinies of God help the servants of God who want to please God, how they lead them to that holy activity, which they could not have achieved without the help of the destinies of God, let us cite the events with the Constantinople nobleman Xenophon, with his wife and two sons. The rich and famous Xenophon led the most pious life, which the general piety of Christians of that time made possible in the middle of the world and which can now only be lived at a distance from the world. He wanted his two sons to be the heirs of his property, his position at the imperial court, and his piety. At that time, the school in Syrian Virit (present-day Beirut) was famous. Xenophon sent his children there to study the wisdom of this age. The route from Constantinople to Virit is by sea. One day, the sons, having visited their father on the occasion of his dangerous illness, were returning to the school. Suddenly a strong storm arose in the Mediterranean Sea, the ship was broken, and both young men were thrown out by the waves in different places on the shores of Palestine. In such a distressing situation, imbued with pious thoughts and desires from childhood, the sons of Xenophon recognized in the sorrow that befell them God's calling to monastic life, and, as if by mutual agreement, they entered the Palestinian monasteries. After a considerable time, they met each other; After some time had passed, Xenophon learned that the ship on which his children were traveling was destroyed by a storm, and that everyone on the ship was missing. The deeply grieved father resorted to prayer; after an all-night cell vigil, he received a Divine revelation that his sons were overshadowed by the special mercy and grace of God. Realizing from this that they had accepted monasticism, knowing that in Palestine, against the shores of which the ship was wrecked, there were many monasteries, Xenophon and his wife went to Jerusalem: there he saw his sons, and never returned to Constantinople. From Jerusalem, he disposed of the property, which was sold: the money received for it was distributed to monasteries, churches and the poor. Xenophon and Maria (as his wife was called) followed the example of their sons, John and Arkady, and entered monasticism, in which both parents and children achieved great spiritual success 359. They would not have been worthy of it in any way if they had remained in a worldly life, although a very pious one. God, seeing their success, brought them to it through His inscrutable destinies. The path of God's destinies is bitter, as the holy Apostle testified: “He who loves the Lord punishes: but he beats every son whom he receives” (Heb. 12:6). The consequences of God's destinies are desirable and invaluable. From the biographies of many other chosen ones of God, we are convinced that God sends His servants of sorrow to help the good work, cleanses them with them and completes this work. A person’s own doing alone is not enough, as the Monk Simeon the New Theologian notes. “Gold, he says, covered with rust, cannot otherwise be cleansed and return its natural lightness, unless it is thrown into the fire and carefully forged with hammers: so the soul, defiled by the rust of sin and become completely indecent, cannot otherwise be cleansed and return its ancient beauty, unless it endures many temptations and does not enter the crucible of sorrows. This is also expressed in the words of our Lord: “Sell what you have, and take up your cross, and come after Me” (Matthew 19:21; Mark 10:21). Here the cross signifies temptations and sorrows. To give away all your property and not to struggle courageously against the temptations and sorrows that occur, serves, in my opinion, as a sign of a careless soul, ignorant of its own benefit: because from the mere rejection of estates and things, those who reject them will not gain anything if they do not endure to the end in temptations and sorrows for the sake of God. Christ did not say: in laying aside your things, but “in your patience gain your souls” (Luke 21:19). It is obvious that the distribution of property and flight from the world is commendable and useful; but this alone, in itself, without enduring temptations, cannot make a person perfect according to God... He who has squandered his property to those in need and has withdrawn from the world and substance, boasts with great delight in his conscience about the hope of reward, and sometimes the reward itself is stolen by vanity. Whoever, after distributing everything to the poor, endures sorrows with thanksgiving of the soul, and lives in the midst of sorrows: he tastes all sorrow and painful labor, and his reward remains unstolen; a great reward awaits him in this and the next century, as an imitator of Christ’s suffering, as one who suffered with Him in the days of temptation and tribulation. And therefore I beg you, brothers in Christ, let us try, according to the word of the Lord God and our Savior Jesus Christ, just as we have rejected the world and everything that belongs to the world, so also to pass through the “narrow gate” (Luke 13:24), which consists in cutting off our carnal wisdom and will, in fleeing from them: because without mortification for the flesh, for its lusts and will, it is impossible to receive joy, deliverance from passions and the freedom which appears in us from the consolation produced by the Holy Spirit 360.” Why do we not want to undergo the sorrows that are allowed to us by God’s Providence for the salvation of our souls, to which God Himself calls us? - Because we are dominated by voluptuousness and vanity: according to the inspiration of the former, we do not want to oppress our body; According to the suggestion of the second, we value human opinion. Both of these passions are trampled underfoot by living faith, since, on the contrary, they act due to unbelief. To the question of the Venerable Abba Dorotheos: “What should I do? I am afraid of the shame of dishonor,” St. John the Prophet answered: “Not to endure dishonor is a matter of unbelief. Brother! Jesus became man and suffered dishonor: are you greater than Jesus? This is unbelief and demonic delusion. He who desires humility, as he says, and cannot endure dishonor, cannot acquire humility. Behold, you have heard the true teaching: do not despise it. Otherwise, your business will neglect you too. About shame: Bringing to mind the nationwide shame before the Lord, who will befall sinners, you will count temporary shame as nothing.” 361 In general, remembering the omnipresence and omnipotence of God keeps the heart from the hesitation into which thoughts of unbelief, based on vanity and wrong love for the body, intensify to lead it. The Holy Prophet David said: “I will foresee the Lord before me, as he is at my right hand, and let me not move. For this reason my heart rejoiced, and my tongue rejoiced: and my flesh also shall dwell in hope!” ( Ps. 16:8–9 ). “My heart is glad” from the action of faith and humility! Words of praise to God and self-reproach bring joy to the lips and tongue! My very flesh feels the power of incorruption entering and pouring into it from the sensations of a contrite and humble heart, comforted and comforted by God! If no temptation can touch a person without the will of God, then complaints, grumbling, grief, justification of oneself, blaming neighbors and circumstances are movements of the soul against the will of God, the essence of attempts to resist and oppose God 362. Let us fear this disaster! When reflecting on any of our sorrows, let us not delay in our reflection, lest it inconspicuously distract us from humility into open or hidden self-justification, into a state contrary to God’s view of us. Not trusting our weakness, let us rather resort to the sure weapon of self-reproach! On two crosses, near the Savior, two robbers were crucified. One of them spoke evil and blasphemed the Lord; the other recognized himself as worthy of execution for his atrocities, and the Lord as an innocent sufferer. Suddenly, self-reproach opened the eyes of his heart, and in the innocent suffering man he saw the all-holy God suffering for humanity. Neither the scientists, nor the priests, nor the Jewish bishops saw this, despite the fact that they rested on the Law of God and carefully studied it to the letter. The thief becomes a Theologian, and in the face of everyone who recognized themselves as wise and powerful, who mocked the Lord, he confesses Him, trampling with his holy opinion the erroneous opinion of the wise about themselves and the powerful. The sin of blasphemy, the gravest of all other sins, brought the robber-blasphemer down to hell, aggravating eternal torment for him there. The thief, who through sincere self-condemnation came to the true knowledge of God, was led into heaven by the confession of the Redeemer, characteristic and possible only of the humble. Both robbers have the same cross! Opposite thoughts, feelings, words were the cause of opposite consequences. With all justice, these two robbers serve as an image of all humanity 363: every person, having spent his life incorrectly, contrary to God’s purpose, to the detriment of his salvation and bliss in eternity, is in relation to himself a thief, a robber, and a murderer. The cross is sent to this villain as the last means of salvation, so that the villain, having confessed his crimes and recognizing himself worthy of execution, retains the salvation given by God. To alleviate suffering and provide spiritual consolation during crucifixion and being on the cross, God incarnate near the crucified man was crucified and hung on the tree of the cross. He who grumbles, complains, and is indignant at his sorrows finally rejects his salvation: without knowing and confessing the Savior, he is cast into hell, into eternal and fruitless torment, as someone who has completely alienated himself and rejected God. On the contrary, he who reveals his sinfulness through self-reproach, recognizing himself as worthy of temporary and eternal executions, little by little, through self-reproach, enters into the active and living knowledge of the Redeemer, which is “eternal life” (John 17:3). To the one crucified on the cross by the will of God, praising God from his cross, the “sacrament of the cross” is revealed, and along with this sacrament the sacrament of the redemption of men by the God-man. This is the fruit of self-reproach. In relation to the omnipotent and all-holy will of God, there can be no other corresponding feelings in a person other than unlimited reverence and equally unlimited submission. From these feelings, when they become the property of a person, “patience” is made up. Our Lord Jesus Christ, the King of heaven and earth, having come for the salvation of the human race with undeniable evidence of His Divinity, with unlimited power over all visible and invisible creation, was not only not received by people with the glory and honor due to Him, but was also met with hatred, suspicion, and murderous intentions; throughout his earthly wanderings he was persecuted by slander, slander, pickiness, and deceit; finally captured as a criminal during His nightly prayer, tied up, dragged along with violence, presented to the court, having decided before the trial for murder, subjected to ridicule, strangulation, spitting, various torments and tortures, death on the cross, dishonorable death - criminals. A meek lamb stands silently and motionlessly before its shearer: this is how the Lord stood before His godless judges and inhuman murderers, answering impudent questions, slander and insults with Divine silence. Self-condemnation and self-reproach were not characteristic of Him, who was not involved in sins: with silence He covered His Divine truth, so that we, by self-condemnation and self-reproach, denying our counterfeit, imaginary truth, could become partakers of His all-holy and all-perfect truth. Neither the truth of fallen nature, nor the truth of the Law of Moses could lead us into the lost eternal bliss: the truth of the Gospel and the cross introduces us into it. There is nothing perfect among people in human virtues: the cross of Christ leads to Christian perfection, and this perfection bestowed by the Holy Spirit is imprinted. Humility brought the Lord to the cross, and humility leads the disciples of Christ to the cross, which is holy “patience,” incomprehensible to carnal minds, just as the silence of Jesus was incomprehensible to Herod, Pontic Pilate and the Jewish bishops. Let us pray to the Lord that He would reveal to us the mystery and grant us the love of His cross, that He would grant us the ability to properly endure all the sorrows that God’s all-good providence will allow us in time for our salvation and bliss in eternity. The Lord promised us: “He who endures to the end will be saved” (Matthew 24:13). Amen. Collection of flowers of St. Elijah, ch. 62. Philokalia, part 4. Philotheus of Sinai, ch. 13. Kindness, part 2. St. Barsanuphius the Great and John answer 311. Alphabetical Patericon, about Archbishop Theophilus and Abba Dorotheus, Teaching 7. Lesson 7 about self-reproach. Chetii-Minei, January 26 days. Word 4, 1852 edition. Saint Peter of Damascus, book 1, Dobrot., part 3. Venerable Isaiah the Hermit. Word 8, Ch. 2. You might be interested in: