Слово умилительное

One day, getting up very early, I walked with two brothers outside the blessed city of Edessa, raised my eyes to heaven, which, like a pure mirror, was shining with glory on the earth with stars, and in surprise said: “If the stars shine with such glory, then how much more will the righteous and saints, who have done the will of the holy God, at the hour when the Lord comes, shine with the unspeakable light of saving glory.” But suddenly, at the memory of that terrible coming of Christ, my bones shook and, feeling confusion in body and soul, I cried with heartache and said, sighing; “What kind of sinner will I be in this terrible hour? How will I appear before the throne of the terrible Judge? How can I, an absent-minded one, have a place with the perfect? Or how can I, a goat, stand with the sheep at the right hand of Christ? Or how can I, barren, be among the saints who created the fruit of righteousness here? Or what should I do when the saints recognize each other in the heavenly chamber? Who will recognize me? The righteous will be in the palace, the wicked will be in the fire. Then the martyrs will show their torments, the ascetics their virtues, and what will I show except the weakness of my negligence? O distracted soul, sinful soul, shameless soul, soul that has always hated its life! How long will it take you to grovel on the earth from entertainment? How long will it take you to be carried away by evil habits and evil thoughts? Don’t you know that bad thoughts are in front of you every hour, like a dark cloud, and prevent you from being sober before God? What, finally, are you waiting for in your negligence until the Heavenly Bridegroom hesitates (delays) to come? But He will not touch, unfortunate one, on the contrary, His coming will be like a terrible lightning from heaven. Try to be ready in this terrible hour, so as not to cry there forever and ever. Don’t pay any attention to the failures of others, mourn your own troubles. Do not look at the “bitch who is like your brother” and your neighbor, but always think about your own “branch” (Matthew 7:3–4). If you are able to first take your “thorn” out of your own eye, then take the “thorn” out of your brother and neighbor. And if you are not able to, then mourn your terrible blindness. How do you think that you will impart light to your neighbor? Be your own doctor every hour, soul, only then will you heal your sick brother. You have no excuse for your negligence, because the holy God has given you everything - reason, understanding and spiritual knowledge. Understand what is useful." Both brothers said with tears: “Why are you crying so piteously, father?” And I said to them: “My beloved children! For my negligence I cry for myself. The good God has given us the enlightenment of knowledge, but day after day I reject it. If I had fulfilled the will of the Lord, then I would have been blessed in that hour, and not I alone, but blessed would have been everyone who did the will of the Lord. That is why, brethren, we will have no excuse there at all, because we all sin while we have knowledge. We all recognize God's Providence and all the gifts with which the good God has granted us. His grace often visits our hearts at all times, and if it finds peace for itself, then, having entered, it constantly dwells in the soul; if he does not find a pure heart, he immediately retreats. But generosity again prompts her to descend and visit us sinners, because we are all changeable by will, but not by nature. We are always absent-minded and weak, envious and crafty, we often think badly of each other, engage in evil thoughts, and are always, as in a terrible mud, immersed in thoughts. And when grace comes to visit us, it encounters in our hearts the stench of unclean thoughts, and immediately retreats, not finding an entrance for itself, to move in and dwell in us as it pleases; and unless it makes an impression on the heart with its luminous sweetness, so that a person feels that grace visited him, but did not find an entrance, so that, thus enjoying the illumination of grace, he seeks it. However, grace itself cannot completely retreat from us, because by its own mercy it is prompted to show mercy to everyone. Do you see God's Providence? Do you see the mercy of Christ? Do you see how a holy God always loves us and wants us to be saved? Blessed is the man who always tries to prepare a pure heart for grace, so that when it comes, it will find the fragrance of virtues and the shrine of the soul, and dwell in it forever and ever. So, what shall we render to the merciful God for all these blessings and gifts, for the fact that He came down from heaven from the Father, or for the fact that for our sake He was incarnated in the womb, or for the fact that He was killed for us? To repay for one beating, even if we lived on earth for thousands of years, we could not repay in any way for this God's mercy. This is what I fear, my beloved children (for I know exactly my negligence), so that everyone who sees me and pleases my false reverence will not spit on me there when they see me burning in the fire.” Have mercy, merciful Lord, Christ the Savior, Only Begotten Son, have mercy on Your indecent servant, so that I do not find myself standing there at the Judgment Seat in fear and great shame, and do not become a disgrace for the spectators - Angels and men. But here, my Savior, punish me like a child-loving, compassionate Father, and there forgive me like the One Sinless Heavenly God. For, if here, Savior, you do not enlighten the unfortunate man, and do not give him heartfelt insight, so that he would daily, without shame, repent of his sins, what should he, who has no justification, do? When I was not yet on earth, it pleased You, Master, according to Your great bounty, to form me in the womb of my sinful mother and, having been born by mercy, I, unworthy, was vouchsafed to become a vessel of Your grace and a good harp, always harmoniously proclaiming the words of salvation for all who listen. But, having received this, I, weak and sinful, out of laziness, refused to repay the grace. Give me Your grace, and delight the venerable sweet singing in the lips of the lazy. As grace pleased, it illuminated the darkened mind so that I could proclaim words of sweet singing. Therefore, I fall again to Thy grace, Only Begotten Son, Savior of our souls: just as here Thy grace at every hour was illumination, protection and protection, refuge and joy for me, unworthy, so there, Savior, under her wing I will hide from the Last Judgment, and in Thy Kingdom, humbled by grace, saved by mercy, I will stand at the right hand, singing and glorifying Your long-suffering, most pure Creator, because You did not despise the tears of Your indecent and sinful servant. You might be interested in: