Ноябрь

Saturday. I thank the Lord, who has now raised me from spiritual death through the service of the liturgy and the communion of the Divine Mysteries, who has destroyed in me the machinations of the enemy who tormented me, who has taken away confusion, oppression, the violence of the enemy and my powerlessness, despondency and shame, and who has granted peace, boldness, freedom, health of soul and body! Oh, what a new, sweet life I felt after receiving the Holy Mysteries! Thank the Lord! But what a misfortune! I was about to suddenly lose such a great and rich grace through my stinginess, covetousness, and cruelty, when, among many beggars, one young ragamuffin, apparently spoiled, careless and lazy, came up to me and began to ask me for money for supports and for a steamer, and then for a friend, also a young guy. He got irritated and angry and angrily spanked him by the hair in the street. And this is after communion of the Holy Mysteries, after such great mercy of the Lord towards me, indecent, after such a wealth of goodness and generosity! Oh, how deeply I have fallen, how I have angered my Lord! I acted the same as an unmerciful debtor, to whom the Tsar forgave a thousand talents, but he did not want to forgive his comrade even a hundred denarii! That's who we are! I thank the Lord for the day that has passed and for yesterday’s service to His goodness and unconditional Majesty. I thank the Lord, who corrected my crooked course (the paths of my heart) and made me worthy with boldness to perform Matins and early mass without stumbling. At the beginning of Matins and until God the Lord, my heart was bound and squeezed by Belial because of the robe, which on Sunday the archpriest gave a dirty and torn robe (Lebedev's): I was overcome with grief at the abbot, and until then I was as if bound, until I understood and felt the charms of the enemy and his intrigues, until I realized what a great spiritual loss I was suffering because of care for the pure outer robe, as the enemy stains, blackens and tears through the robe, the imperishable robe of my soul, striking me with hellish darkness, confusion, sorrow, tightness, callousness of heart, spiritual death, how I fall away from the love of God, and from love for the people of God (and why are you worrying about clothes? [Matthew 6:28]), I melt into grief, suffering in the flames. On the choir the cathedral brothers sang the service, and in my heart my passions sacrilegiously screamed their devilish song. I finally understood, by the grace of God, the enemy’s mockery of me and gave up all concern about clothes and indignation at the archpriest and went to sing in the choir; The Lord cried out - all the stichera, the verses on the stichera, on the praise and first the irmos - and the grace of the Spirit prevailed: until the end of Matins and Mass he served freely, loudly, with tears of repentance and tenderness, and he reprimanded the empress, and read the entire pulpit, and said forgiveness. The voice is clear and sonorous, but in the soul there is extreme embarrassment, embarrassment, and the dirty tricks of the enemy. Mass was celebrated loudly, with obstacles from enemies; took part in revival and in the world of spiritual forces. I thank the Lord for His indescribable gift. Breadwinner, Sovereign Lord! I thank You for Your inexhaustible mercy towards me, as You feed my belly in peace, taking away guilt and confusion of passions from my heart when I sincerely repent before You. Today, too, several times You have had mercy on me, accursed and evil, when I repented of my malice. In our Church there is no institution, custom, or ritual that would be established without its Head, the Lord Jesus Christ, and without its Helmsman, the All-Holy Spirit: He instructs its shepherds in all truth, He is the Author of all good things. I thank the Lord, who has had mercy on me to celebrate the Divine Liturgy, who has given me tears of tenderness, a strong voice in the service, unfailing service and communion in the revitalization of the soul with His Divine Mysteries. I thank the Lord, who has repeatedly given me forgiveness of sins even today. The Most Holy Theotokos (Her image) is placed in the iconostasis on the left side of the royal doors, because with the birth of the Son of God she opened for us the entrance to paradise and with Her prayers to God for us sinners, she constantly opens for us the doors of mercy and the doors of the Kingdom of Heaven. The Holy Church in the structure of the church and in the divine service, as on the charter or on the tablet 78, outlined the most important destinies of the world and man: this is how she depicts the creation of the world - heaven as an altar, earth as a church, underworld as a porch; depicts the blissful state of man and then his fall, expulsion from paradise into the world, closing the gates of paradise and placing a cherub with a flaming sword, the repentance of Adam and Eve, the promise of the Redeemer, the Old Testament people’s expectation of the Savior, the offering of propitiatory sacrifices, prophecy and foreshadowing; the appearance of the Savior, His life hidden until time, His baptism, His fasting and temptation, appearance to the world, preaching, miracles, suffering, death, burial, resurrection and ascension into heaven. Everything earthly is the image and shadow of the heavenly. Thus, the image of worship on earth is an image of the heavenly, the beauty of the church is an image of the beauty of the heavenly church, the light is an image of the unapproachable glory of God in heaven, the fragrance of the censer is an image of the indescribable fragrance of the saints there, the local chant is an image of the ineffable angelic praise there. And all earthly and celestial bodies and things can serve as an image of future things. The sun is the image of the mental sun - God; the moon, illuminated by the sun, is the image of the Mother of God, illuminated by the Sun of Truth - Christ; stars are the image of heavenly Angels, who are the second lights surrounding the throne of God, and the image of the saints of God; clouds are the image of Angels and all saints with exalted souls, alien to earthly passions, who have passed through earthly careers; the sweets here are a faint shadow of future unspeakable sweets, tasted by Angels and righteous people from union with God and the all-joyful bliss of seeing Him. The local bright robe of the clergyman is an image of the future, bright, imperishable robe and future glory. The righteous, it is said, will shine like the sun in the Kingdom of their Father [Matt. 13, 43]. I thank the Lord, for He did not deal with me according to my iniquities, He rewarded me below for my sins, but because according to the height of heaven from the earth He removed my iniquities from me, and like a father who generously gives to his sons, the Lord has been generous to me; I thank the Lord that His wrath did not convict me of my iniquities and did not put me to shame until now. Lord All-Knowing! Give me the grace not to be upset at those who live idle in my house and those who eat my bread in vain, and not to enter into their life. You yourself correct them and teach them to work, and deliver me from all laziness, and especially from the spirit of enmity: for here I daily break all Your law, enmity against the faulty and idle, instead of fulfilling it with love, meekness and long-suffering towards them. Oh, for what empty excuses do I break the commandment of love every day! Today I came home from class and saw on the table, along with fish soup and fish and vinaigrette, meat soup and meat, and I fell into hatred for my family and especially for my sister Anna, because of whom all fasts are constantly broken! Meanwhile, it is better to eat modest food than to be hostile to a brother, and I sinned more than them, that is, my wife and Anna K. I felt cramped and gloomy, but I prayed to the Lord in repentance, and He had mercy on me and gave me space. The same thing happened in the evening at dinner - and again he prayed, and again he received mercy. Oh, the wealth of the goodness and bounty of the Lord! Or about the wealth of goodness... and meekness and long-suffering of God, I am negligent, not knowing, because of my cruelty and unrepentant heart, how the goodness of God leads me to repentance [Rom. 2, 4 ] ? I thank the Lord, who has granted me to sing loudly this day of His Archangels and Angels and to celebrate the Divine Liturgy with tenderness and to partake of the life-giving Mysteries without condemnation. During the prayer service I felt great confusion and fear from invisible enemies, violence, so that I was ready to cry from their anger; did not pronounce some words in the Holy Gospel and in the Holy Water Prayer; I felt that the violence of the enemies comes from gluttony, lust, satiety (yesterday at dinner I ate quite a roast - not usually, but at N. Mikh. Semenov’s after the all-night vigil, salmon and caviar, drank wine and sweet tea). This is why I am powerless in the spiritual struggle! This is why I do not have the power to tread on the serpent and the scorpion and all the power of the enemy [Lk. 10, 19 ]! That's why she harms me! Compare your current situation with the one in which you were by birth, and not by upbringing, not given to you by God, the monarch and the Church - and see what a huge difference between one and the other: there is need and poverty, here there is perfect prosperity in everything; there are many inconveniences, here - almost all the conveniences. Do not imagine yourself as ill-fated, do not be discouraged and do not be upset by some problems at home, but cover them with love, forbearance and patience, and thank God for what you have. Drive away all dissatisfaction with others, be content with the present, keep peace of mind, and may God rest in you, and may you rest in God. Even if you had to walk half naked because of your wife’s fault for whatever reason, do not be angry with her even then - for love and peace are dearer than all, and enmity exposes the soul, making it the dwelling of demons. Be prepared to lose everything: money, clothing, food and drink, but maintain kindness and love - and you have everything, for in love everything is, without love - nothing, without love every person is a pitiful creature, for he is without God! Moreover, it cannot be that the Lord will not admonish, instruct, or correct your wife or someone else, if you are meek. Take strong and decisive measures to always adhere to love and peace. The enemy does not sleep and daily incites us to enmity, constantly outrages us, especially me, who is multi-passionate. Down with thorns! Good Shepherd and Visitor of our souls! Correct me yourself. November 8, 1872. Oh, how many sins I have! How they torment and confuse me! I am the only sinner, and yet in others I imagine and condemn different, different sins: it is my evil that seems to me in others - I am angry, not the people about whom I think evil, even those in authority and power. I owe much, much to the Nesvitsky family: through them I am included in the St. Petersburg diocese, almost the capital, and I enjoy such a place and such advantages! Important place! I don't deserve him! And what about kinship?.. Yes, I please and respect and love the Nesvitsky family! May I bear with them and be patient with them! You, Lord, guide my household! You see them! Good Shepherd! Instruct them in everything (they are mistaken in many ways and do not want to listen to instructions). But I, too, am greatly mistaken - and instruct me, especially in love. Everyone who sins dreams that sin is a gain for him, but every sin is the greatest vanity and loss for a person, for his soul and body; So the glutton and the drunkard think that if they have consumed so much more food and wine, then they have made some great acquisition, as if they had taken a city; the covetous man jumps with joy because he sold a lot of goods by deception and gained a lot of profit; the envious person dreams that if he envies the happiness of his neighbor, he will satisfy himself with it; a lazy person who has successfully evaded business thinks that he has made an important profit for himself. But how false and false all this is! Everyone’s experience and their own judgment speaks about this. Sin is madness even in smart people! My dissatisfaction with my family and my sullenness broke out in the evening, in front of the servants, when I quarreled with my wife because she did not want to repair my cassock on time; I was upset about not doing them already in the morning. There is no need to be upset, but be happy with everything. Excesses, excesses have spoiled me; the caresses and caresses of the past have spoiled me. Give thanks and give thanks to God for everyone and everything and don’t be upset with anyone for anything. It's time to feel sorry for the red-haired boy, although he is a naughty boy: he has suffered a lot. I will have to eat fast food during Lent, because lean food has a bad effect on me, especially fish in vegetable oil, or I won’t eat anything with oil. I thank the Lord for my completely clear and sonorous voice during the service and for my complete salvation through communion of the life-giving Mysteries. But there were also machinations of the enemy during the liturgy - the most evil machinations and a sting, a sting that was poisonous to the extreme; I think that the villain stings me with sweets. It’s remarkable that after fasting I had an excellent voice - however, I ate an apple and drank honey, and ate fish soup. During Matins I felt weak, weak and despondent. I’ll say a truthful word about my sister (by wife) Anna Konstantinovna: she is sometimes extremely impudent, crafty, deceitful, a slanderer, a spiteful woman to the point of insolence, a malicious person; she cannot stand the truth that concerns her and exposes her to lies: tell her that she is right, although she is clearly lying; does not spare the good name of her neighbor, who for some reason did not and does not favor her, but vilifies him mercilessly; she condemns everyone, but she herself does not tolerate anyone judging her; lazy, idle, ready to sit idle all day; dishonest (chain from the cross). But there are also good sides. Be a bloodless martyr, suffering from home attacks, curses, unjust accusations, screams and feigned crying, slander, condemnation, slander, reproaches for giving alms to the poor, disobedience, inaction and idleness. The Lord Himself said that a prophet is never without honor, except in his own country and among his relatives and in his own house [Mk. 6, 4]. Teach me, Lord, to be content with my family, neighbors, and comrades, and dissatisfied only with myself, and grant me to correct myself daily with all diligence. I was the culprit of today's feud over a fur coat. Do not feel sorry for yourself, otherwise it often happens that when those who have offended you repent of their offenses, you imagine yourself as too offended, worthy of extreme regret, and you feel sorry for yourself with sinful pity; no, don’t feel sorry for yourself, don’t love, but hate yourself, don’t let the old man with his passions grow stronger within you. Away with sinful pity - regret that you anger the Lord, corrupt His image in yourself, associate with the devil and move away from God through violating His commandments. I thank Thee, O most gracious and most merciful Lord, for Thou hast surprised Thy mercy upon me this day, giving me the grace to cheerfully and unfalteringly, with boldness, to perform Thy Divine Liturgy; in every word was Thy help to me, in Thy grace I triumphed over the enemy; received communion of the Divine Mysteries without condemnation, for the remission of sins and peace of spiritual strength and for the increase of boldness towards You. Only at the end of the funeral service did the enemy, or the disembodied serpent, cruelly wound me with embarrassment, fear and doubt, cutting me short on dismissal. I did not utter the words: Possess the living and the dead, then in the depths of Abraham... he will count with the righteous. The poison of the serpent spread throughout all my insides and severely tormented me; For a long time I prayed in repentance before the Cup of the Covenant, hiding the Blood of the Divine Lamb, and when I began to consume the Holy Gifts, all the poison of the serpent was destroyed. I calmed down completely. Glory to You, my Provider, Lord. Then the serpent stung me again when at Marya Arsenyevna’s he told me about what Anna Konstantinovna, my sister-in-law, had done to me, complaining bitterly about her. Tightness and sorrow overwhelmed me; I went to church and there for a long time at the holy throne I prayed to the Lord in repentance of my soul, and the Lord had mercy: sorrow, confusion, oppression disappeared, the peace of God was established. I thank the Lord for yesterday’s liturgy, that I performed it well and partook of the life-giving Divine Mysteries. I thank the Lord for reconciliation with my family, with whom, due to my weakness and passion, I quarreled; As a sign of peace, I offered an apple to my sister Anna K. and my wife, and peace settled in my heart. I thank the Lord, who had mercy on me twice in the evening, after my insolence with one beggar, whose hair I pulled out, and after a strong cry at another beggar. For quite a long time, darkness covered me, the accursed one, and only after prolonged heartfelt repentance did the Lord resolve my sins. Sins are truly fetters, and that’s how they bind. What shall I repay for the countless mercies of my Lord? - I will glorify His mercy and long-suffering towards me, a sinner. I believe in one God - why is it sung on behalf of everyone during the liturgy ([he is also] at every service)? In order to revive your faith in the Trinitarian, life-giving and miracle-working God and to be revived by it; so that, with its assistance, we can make ourselves more beneficial through the Sacrament of the Body and Blood of Christ, for without living, right faith it cannot bring us any benefit and cannot be assimilated, for by faith it is assimilated and felt in its saving fruits. Evening entrance. He who descended was also He who ascended above all the heavens, to fill all things [Eph. 4, 10], is an image of Christ’s descent from heaven to earth and his ascension to heaven after the completion of the work of our salvation, which is why the Sunday prokeimenon is sung: The Lord reigned (instead of the kingdom of Satan), clothed in the beauty of human flesh, united with the Divine [Ps. 92, 1]. That is why dogmatists sing the Mother of God. Wisely the Church has arranged everything for our teaching and edification. I thank the Lord for the gift of tenderness and sublime prayer (tearful) for people, standing before the Gospel; at the beginning of the all-night vigil there was confusion over the vestments of the cross, which I had taken without the archpriest’s permission. I prayed to the Lord about this, may he have mercy and justify me and may the archpriest come to his senses. I am stingy with respect to the poor: is this not why willing donors are stingy with me? Yes. You will involuntarily remember the case with the housekeeper of the Patriarch of Alexandria John the Merciful, how, for his stinginess, one rich widow deprived the Church of a thousand gold coins, giving only five hundred instead of one and a half thousand. Tomorrow is the memory of St. John the Merciful. Be especially merciful today in the simplicity of your heart to all the poor. Until now I have not learned non-covetousness and love for the poor, for I get angry and furious with them if they come to me in large numbers and often. Why am I furious? - Because I feel sorry for the money, not the beggars. Is there a higher, holier, more beneficial, more precious place on earth for man, like the church of God? No: for in it is the throne of God, in it the terrible Mysteries are performed, in it is our renewal, sanctification, reconciliation, adoption of God; here is the descent of the Holy Spirit, here is the appearance of the Trinity in the life-giving Mysteries; here is our renewal and deification, here is enlightenment, here is our guidance to eternal life, here is the constant prayer of the Church for us both during our life and after our death; here our sinful burden is taken away, here is the solution and binding of sins, here is unanimous and common prayer, here is tenderness with abundant tears, here is the consolation of the Holy Spirit, here is the confirmation and girding of strength from above us, the weakest. How the Godfather, King and Prophet David loved the house of God! How our Savior, Christ the Lord, loved him in the days of His flesh! And the Mother of God was raised in him, in the Holy of Holies! How the apostles loved the House of God! Do we pray Tuna 79 every day or on Sundays and holidays in church? No, but great and rich mercies are received from God by all who fervently pray: pardon, remission of sins for the sake of the bloodless Sacrifice offered on the altar; sanctification, deliverance from sorrows, pacification of souls and confirmation in faith and virtue. And is it possible for a tuna to leave the house of God, from the house of the Father of bounties and all joy, from whom is every good gift given and every gift perfect [Jas. 1, 17 ]? Why do many people not go, many people very rarely go to church? Why are they running away from the church? What can you say about those children who run away from their parents' home? The holy fools decided on their difficult feat of reproach, beating, scolding, spitting, strangling from people in order to become like the Lord in their suffering, who for our sake endured similar and much greater temptations from people. This is secret foolishness! The prayers of the Holy Church during divine services are wonderfully good: they are wisely composed, they are imbued with high love for God and for humanity, for all humanity, the spirit of unity and mutual communication breathes in them. These prayers are a wonderful monument to the unanimity and love of the ancient Church of Christ, one and indivisible. The Holy Spirit Himself taught the apostles and pastors of the Church to establish such a wonderful order of worship, to breathe into it such a spirit - the spirit of common brotherly love, the spirit of peace and the spirit of holiness. But who is this angel standing before the throne of the Lord, for it is common for angels to continually serve the Lord and stand before His throne? – This is an intercessor for people, bearing the image of the Intercessor of God and men, Jesus Christ [1 Tim. 2, 5], this is one of the people placed in the service of God, as the Apostle Paul says: his service is angelic. He is a mediator between God and people, His close friend, according to the word of the Lord: You are My friends if you do what I command you [Jn. 15, 14]. This is a kind of god for people, with the power to bind and solve the sins of people, to perform sacred life-giving and terrible Mysteries for them, to be adored by them and to adore others through them - this is the second New Testament Moses, leading the host of God through the desert of this world to the promised land; this is Elijah of the New Testament, bringing down from heaven the immaterial fire of the Holy Spirit on the presented Gifts; This is Joseph of the New Testament, feeding his brethren with heavenly bread during the spiritual famine of sin. – High is the rank of priest! Church services, by their course and the content of prayers, readings and chants, inspire deep gratitude to God and mutual communication and communication, love and love for each other, no matter who else it is, and the consciousness of our countless sins, and constant repentance for them, often saying the publican’s prayer in a short form: Lord, have mercy. Old Testament books. Selected verses from them are read or sung: 1) for their instructiveness and edification, 2) for their prophetic meaning, 3) to show that the Old and New Testaments are one, as the beginning and the end, the alpha and omega of one great work of redemption of the human race, for the Old Testament was a nurse 80, a teacher to Christ and came from the same God as the New, for the redemption of the human race began immediately after the fall of the first men. Christianity consists of two Testaments - the Old and the New by the very essence of the matter: there is humanity gradually decayed by sins, finally reaching the extreme degree of corruption or decay; here - renewed or renewed by the new, heavenly teaching of Christ the Savior, His omnipotent grace, His life, His sacraments, for whoever is in Christ is a new creation [2 Cor. 5, 17]. Behold, I make all things new [Rev. 21, 5 ] (that is, humanity, and heaven, and earth). Therefore, the worship of our Church consists of the writings of the Old and New Testaments - to demonstrate the truth, salvation, greatness and Divinity of the Christian faith, for it is the fulfillment of all the Old Testament promises, prophecies and prototypes given to the forefathers, forefathers and prophets. Christianity is the most ancient religion, a wise and wonderful book of God’s destinies about the human race: it was begun before the foundation of the world and is being written to this day; its end will be in the Kingdom of glory, when the righteous will shine like the sun in the Kingdom of the Heavenly Father, and unrepentant sinners will be cast down to hell forever. Where do I stand? In heaven? For I see before me the throne of God. Where do I stand? Is it not on Golgotha? For I see before me the Son of God crucified for the sins of the world, incarnate and suffering and dying for the sake of extreme goodness. Where do I stand? Is it not in the upper room of Zion with the apostles of my Savior? For I see the Last Supper taking place before me, I hear mysterious words, imbued with immeasurable love for the perishing world, for in the person of the apostles they were spoken to the whole world - take, eat, this is My Body, and drink of it, all of you, this is My Blood of the New Testament, etc.? I see, taste and touch my Divine Savior Himself in His wonderful Mysteries and His actions in me - the actions of mercy, peace, cleansing, sanctification, revitalization, enlightenment, renewal. Truly the Body and Blood of the New Testament, for they renew everyone who sincerely receives communion. Where do I stand? Is it not at the cross that my Lord is dying for the sins of the world, for I see the book of the Testament, or His last testament to the believers, the end and essence of which is as follows: I give you a new commandment, that you love one another; just as I have loved you, so you also love one another [Jn. 13, 34]. But where do I stand? For I often hear the sacred story of His life, of His miraculous deeds, of His atoning suffering, death and resurrection and ascension into heaven? With us I stand in His Church, the keeper of His Testaments, commandments, promises, His Sacraments, His life-giving gifts. But where do I stand? – Now I see the gates of this educational heaven, this educational Zion upper room, this educational Golgotha, opening and now closing. I see at these gates the Divine Archangel, preaching to the Most Pure Virgin about the miraculous conception and birth; I see the four Stasov evangelists with their wonderful, heavenly good news at these gates, just as Saint John the Theologian once saw the twelve names of the apostles of the Lamb written on the walls of the mysterious heavenly city (Rev. 21:14). Here I mentally place myself in Nazareth, in the woodcutter’s house, where the Most Blessed Virgin lived, and I see my beginning salvation and the manifestation of the sacrament that began from eternity, before this visible world, destined for completion in the destinies of the Eternal. I see at the gates four witnesses, or scribes, the evangelist of the wonderful and saving life of my Sweet Jesus, the Son of God, miraculously incarnate from the Virgin, for the world is fourfold in the countries of the world: east, west, north and south, and their messages went out into the whole earth, and their words went out to the ends (four) of the worlds [Ps. 18, 5]. Four witnesses are abundantly enough to demonstrate the truth of the story: they are at the royal gates, as at the gates of the Kingdom of Heaven, therefore, through faith in their gospel, we enter the heaven opened by the cross of Jesus Christ, and they are the authors of our salvation, like nurturers, our teachers and fathers. Where do I stand? For I see before me on one side the royal gates of the Lord, on the other - His Most Pure Mother; here I see in the faces the most important events from the life of my Lord: His birth, His baptism, etc., there the holy apostles stand before me, there is the face of the prophets, there is the face of hierarchs, martyrs, saints, there is the face of forefathers and patriarchs. Before me is a host of celestial beings, holy people. Where am I? - I'm in heaven. So the Church is the formation of heaven. So we are all members of the one Church of God, and all the holy saints of God are close to us as members of the one mystical Body of the Church, having one Head - Christ. That is why the deacon often remembers in litanies the Most Holy Theotokos and all the saints as members of one Head and one body, commending himself and all those who pray to the Head Christ. We often remember at litanies the Most Pure Mother of God and all the saints, and especially the most honorable and magnificent name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit and separately Christ God in order to bring these names closer to the minds and hearts of believers and to show the ever-present closeness to us of the Lord God, the Most Pure Mother of God and the saints as Head and members. You are near ecu, says one prophet about the Jews, their mouth, but far from their wombs [Russian: from the heart] [Jer. 12, 2]. This happens to us often and very often. In the akathists to the Savior and the Mother of God, the abyss of God’s mercy and God’s blessings to the human race are sung, revealed in the incarnation, teaching, life, suffering, death and resurrection of the Son of God, so great that if we brought and sang to God as many songs as there are grains of sand on earth, then even then we would not adequately praise God, because these blessings extend to the whole eternity, save us from countless sins and corruptions, grant us sanctification, deliverance from eternal torment, provide us with countless and greatest benefits, make us partakers of the Divine nature [2 Pet. 1.4]. The Lord draws us to the mountain, to heaven, and the devil tries to chain our heart to the earth, to earthly sweets, to carnal impurities, to money, to clothes, to countless things, in order to remove us forever from God and from heaven and plunge us into the abyss of eternal fire. Look out for yourself! Stay awake. As a groom, lay a crown on me, and as a bride, adorn me with beauty [Isa. 61, 10]. The prophet predicts the glory of the saints of God, redeemed by the Son of God from the earth by His Blood. God will give them a crown of kindness and adorn them with His Divine beauty. These words are read by the priest when putting on priestly vestments, because he is the groom of the church, as Christ is depicted, he is united with Christ in the Sacrament of Communion into one body and one spirit. The bride also means every piously abiding Christian soul, adorned by the grace of the Holy Spirit, delivered from the ugliness of sin. The Spirit breathes where it wants, and you hear its voice, but you don’t know where it comes from or where it goes [John. 3, 8]. In the likeness of this, the spirit of evil breathes in our souls, and you hear its hellish voice, but you do not know where it comes from and where it goes. And just as the Spirit gives life, so this spirit deadens, torments, numbs. Therefore, the torment is eternal and fierce, because God’s gifts to rational and free creatures are infinitely great; that more could be given to creatures more, higher, like reason and freedom, and to make insignificance gods, so that these gods would cognize the Incomprehensible more and more, penetrate into His light and, to the extent that each was acceptable, would be illuminated by it, consoled, enjoyed, improved, fulfilling His most holy desires. However, the creatures, made gods by grace and by the participation of the Divine, themselves wanted to become independent gods, not fulfilling the commands of their Creator, and fell into absurd pride and malice, and became the creators and perpetrators of countless evils in God’s creation. But people trample on the Blood of the Son of God and count the entire dispensation of salvation as nothing, rejecting the advice of God about themselves, the eternal, all-good, all-wise, all-powerful advice of the Triune God - by their deeds they will suffer eternal torment. It's their own fault, no one else's. A person with an unclean and evil heart is tormented by his own ghosts and torments others, suspecting that they are also evil, deceitful, adulterous, etc. All prayers, verses of stichera and canons, kontakia and ikos of akathists are, on the one hand, praise to God, the Mother of God and the saints for their great deeds and benefits to people, and on the other hand, they are cries, sighs, groans, tears of humanity oppressed by sin, sorrows, illnesses, troubles and misfortunes and a prayer for deliverance, the salvation of the world, space of the spirit, for deliverance from illnesses, troubles and misfortunes or about the enlightenment of our souls darkened by sins. There is a lot of consolation, teaching, and edification in them. How true is the teaching of the Church! For example, the doctrine of ordeals. I also experience this truth on earth: when I serve God, then I feel how evil and unclean demons hold back my soul, not allowing it to go to God in thought and word and causing various stumblings, now with lustful thoughts, now with addictions to food, now with money, now with clothes, now with malice and anger, now with envy, now with disobedience and rebellion, now with vain fear and apprehension, then despondency and laziness and drowsiness. I thank the Lord, who has vouchsafed me now to perform the Sunday liturgy without stumbling in front of a large crowd of people and to pronounce a word of repentance for Gregory, Archbishop of Kazan. At the great entrance, everyone pronounced the royal family’s name except Ekaterina Mikhailovna; I read the entire pulpit without interruption. At the beginning of the liturgy there was a lot of struggle, tightness and burning in the sides, the voice was weak, unclean (the stomach was fixed). Then, before the great entrance, grace somewhat relieved the tightness; after the great entrance, tears of tenderness while reading prayers from the consciousness of one’s spiritual poverty, one’s extreme sinfulness. The voice became clear and ringing. Divinely, with God’s grace I celebrated the liturgy today: the people, apparently, were touched by the service, stood calmly, in a reverent mood. Glory to the Lord for this! In a brief doxology to the Holy Trinity and in many church prayers, the ever-bearing 81 Trihypostatic God is glorified with the words: now and ever and unto the ages of ages, to arouse the everlasting, unchanging reverence for God of believers and unashamed trust in Him. I thank You, Lord, for yesterday you took away from my heart the feeling of hostility that arose in it towards my sister Anna Konstantinovna and her children; I looked to You with the eyes of my heart and body in repentance and prayer, and You took away the malice of my heart. Oh, if only it had never arisen in me, Master! Oh, that You would grant me perfect devotion to You and perfect hope in You and perfect patience with everything that happens at home or outside! Yours is the power, Lord, and Yours is the kingdom! Amen. God! I thank You for Your ineffable mercy towards me, that even on this day You have made me worthy to partake of the Divine Mysteries and have deified me, unworthy, for my only repentance and tears. Thank You for peace and holiness. God! I thank You, for You stopped the evil movements of my heart through my prayer and snatched me away from the mouth of a mental wolf. How long will anger and greed not die in me? How long will I not be satisfied with my corner and not consider it a gift to keep a widow with orphans? How long will I be impatient and will I not stop being angry for all the faults and mistakes of my family? May the Sacrament of Communion prevail over all my evil movements. Teach me goodness and reason. God! I wish I had some privacy! The young widow Anna and her children give me a lot of cold. Give her, my Joy, a place, position and work. On my pilgrimage, this home is enough for me; I can endure some inconvenience and anxiety for the sake of a good deed, to shelter the chicks for the time being. The all-good and all-generous Heavenly Father will not abandon me with His mercy and bounty. May God give them peace and contentment with love, without grief. At the wedding ceremony today I felt at first extreme embarrassment, inspired by the devil; then with boldness I slowly read all the prayers: the servant of God so-and-so is getting engaged and so-and-so is getting engaged, he said firmly and the marriage prayer was read slowly and firmly, loudly, without stumbling, but when the half-drunk sexton came out to read the Apostle, I looked at him sternly and angrily, [teachingly], and I myself was embarrassed, feeling hostility towards him. Then he no longer read his prayers with boldness, he stumbled, and left out words and expressions. I was not sincere when reading the prayer of good wishes to the newlyweds and when reading further prayers, for the evil one breathed into my heart, confused and desecrated it; in the Gospel at the prayer service I could not utter the words, you know how to give good things to your children [Matt. 7, 11; OK. 11, 13], repeated three times. And at home, I feel there is no sincerity towards the family - I don’t know why. If we do not serve and live God, then we certainly serve and live ourselves, the world, the flesh, and the devil. Therefore it is good to serve and live for the Lord; If you don’t sing to God, for example, the psalms of David, etc., then our passions sing in us, they sing disastrously and destructively. Therefore it is good to sing to the Lord. I thank the Lord that with my attention to myself, the grace and power of the Divine Mysteries prevails over the hellish forces of sin operating in me. Glory to Thee, Omnipotent King and most ready Savior! The bell is a shepherd and a pipe, calling the verbal sheep into the Sheep Yard - into the Church, into the spiritual pasture of prayer and the words of God, and the trumpet of battle, reminding us of spiritual warfare and readiness for it every day, so that we always stand spiritually fully armed. General spirit; worship - spirit; communication, peace and love for everyone, devotion to God, repentance, holiness, readiness to answer at the Last Judgment. The ritual of standing means that we stand before the King of kings as His servants, ready to do His will; The ritual of sitting signifies the mercy of the Lord to His servants who are vigilant and waiting for Him, His Lord, and reminds us of His following words from the parable: Blessed are those servants whom the Master, when he comes, finds awake; Truly I tell you, he will gird himself and make them sit down, and he will approach and serve them (Luke 12:37). Kneeling - bowing the knee while praying [Lk. 22, 41 ]; vestment means the new robe of a Christian, which he put on after baptism, the robe of righteousness. The opening and closing of the royal gates, exits and entrances - he will come in and out, and find pasture... From now on you will see heaven open [Jn. 10, 9; 1, 51]. I thank the Lord, who has vouchsafed me this day to celebrate the good Divine Liturgy and to partake in the world of spiritual strength and the health of the Divine Mysteries. I thank the Lord, who through fervent prayer delivered me from the deadening sting of hostility towards Sister Anna K. and who gave me freedom and peace after confusion and oppression. I see that hostility towards family is from the devil. Grant, Lord, complete deliverance from it. Give me the simplicity of love, give me non-covetousness, take away greed and love of money and lust - these strong levers of enmity. Imbued with the importance of the upcoming Sacrament of Communion, the priest asks God for mercy and strength to worthily perform it for the people ahead. At home, everything arouses anger and annoyance in me, but I must be indifferent to everything and maintain imperturbable calm, remaining in God. November 22. Sinful self-love excludes love for God and neighbor, as well as pride, envy, anger, passion for delicacies, for money, for gluttony, fornication. All passions have the object and goal of self-love, the satisfaction of carnal lusts. But a Christian must live in spirit and to please the flesh, not create in lust, thinking above and not earthly, and live in love, being most zealous for love. Worship expresses both the height to which humanity has been raised by Christianity (deified), and how Christians should correspond to it. Develop this idea. Learn to believe in the Trinity, in the Church, in the resurrection, in the judgment seat. The first day of the Nativity Fast. Oh, temptation! Oh, the fierce attack of the enemy! During Matins, while reading the canon, I heard a strong alcoholic smell from sexton Kamnev and could not stand it, I denounced him out loud right there, while I was reading the canon; was embarrassed, did not speak small litanies, except for the last one; I could not speak a pleading and solemn litany - the enemy inside cut me with knives, stabbed me with needles, stung me with stings; I was confused, overwhelmed, excited! I was embarrassed and hurt especially after I told him with indignation and jealousy that he reeked strongly of wine. Oh, damned me, there is no long-suffering, merciful love in me that endures everything. Yesterday I myself ate and drank too much, especially tea: at home, at customs and at General Vishnyakov’s. Remember, Lord, the meekness, gentleness, obedience of my reader Yakov (Kamnev) and let him get rid of drunkenness, so that he will not be a constant temptation for me during worship and an accomplice to the devil, who is looking for every moment to devour me. He complained about him to the archpriest. My confusion stemmed most from the presence of my father, the archpriest, and from my drinking too much tea. And my sin was that, fearing fear and the hesitation of the enemy, I omitted - I did not say two small litanies on the canon and thus was defeated by the enemy, who, seeing my cowardice and fear, armed himself even more against me and confused, disheveled, and defeated me. May the Lord kill him, vile and evil, and may I beware of his deeds - malice, anger, pride, evil zeal, gluttony, satiety and drunkenness, fornication (and other sins), cowardice, despondency, fear, embarrassment, doubt, despair. Heavy rain all night and morning. During the liturgy, the celebrant is completely imbued with the greatness of the Sacrament being performed, and either for himself or for the flock, he asks the Lord for various benefits. Friday. I thank the Lord, who yesterday also covered my sins through the communion of His divine and life-giving Mysteries and who overcame my fighter, for the enemy tried to overwhelm me with insensibility and unbelief and thus confused and tormented me. He sent Vespers cheerfully and without stumbling. I thank the Lord, who made me worthy to perform Matins and without stumbling to pronounce the litany at the Midnight Office and after the chanting of the Great Litany: I prayed to the Lord and the Most Pure Mother of God for this - and was heard. While reading the canon, because of the sexton, he was again embarrassed when he heard the smell of alcohol from his breath; I couldn’t speak a special litany, I was gone. He reprimanded after Matins. He prayed to the Lord for him. But I must endure and endure long in peace and love, for I myself am a glutton. Doctor, heal yourself [Lk. 4, 23]. May the Lord have mercy on both of us. We serve Him, so that we may be without blemish. I thank the Lord, who has surprised me even now (oh, mercy!) with His mercy in the service of the Divine Liturgy and in the communion of the Divine Mysteries, in the cleansing of sins, in the pacification of the soul, freedom, joy, sweetness, bliss. You're looking for spectacle! Here is an unprecedented spectacle for you - the spectacle of the entire earthly life of the God-man with His swaddling clothes and a bed in a manger, with His hidden life, with His open service to the world, full of wisdom and miracles, with His suffering, death, burial, resurrection and ascension into heaven! Is there any sight more amazing, more majestic, more instructive? Come to this spectacle at least every day and nourish your sight, hearing, thought, and feeling with it. Take a sincere part in the divine service every time you come - your salvation is divinely effected here, a living Sacrifice is offered for you, the Lamb of God is slain for you, the Body of Christ is broken for you, the most pure blood is shed for you, redeeming the whole world. Bring here each a sacrifice of a contrite and humble heart, a sacrifice of praise and thanksgiving. My heart is often full of bitterness. Away with this sinful bitterness. I thank the Lord for the grace and power from above during the service of this Matins on November 18; kindly, without stumbling, he said prayers at the Midnight Office, at Matins (great, special and supplicant). There was great embarrassment because of sexton Kamnev (smell of wine on his breath), but he prevailed through prayer. God bless! Glory to the One who never slumbers and never sleeps. Glory to the Vigorous Intercessor! And I am weak and sinful. (My plan has been sent to the Right Reverend Vicar Tikhon.) Give us good performers of worship, and you will see what will come of it; give us good readers, singers, priests, deacons - and we will turn the earth into heaven. Woe to us that we do not have good executors in many, many churches. November 18. For a long time yesterday, the grace of God rejected me in the evening, after I rejected one poor man who asked me for alms: I angrily ordered him to go to the Duma church and swung at him. He left. I thought I would find him near the church, but he was not there. For a long time I was oppressed by an evil spirit, for a long time I cowered and begged in repentance for God’s mercy; Finally, after reading the Gospel, my mother, the grace of God, came to me and took me into her arms, had mercy, calmed me, kindled me, encouraged me, strengthened me. Glory to Thy punishing and merciful right hand, Holy King! Reproach one's neighbors [cf. Ps. 14, 3]. I have sinned before God and people! Forgive me, Lord! I thank the Lord, who took away from my heart the heavy burden of gluttony, gluttony and drunkenness (from Sverlov) and gave me a light burden, light through the communion of His most pure and life-giving Mysteries at yesterday’s liturgy. I thank the Lord, who heard my inner cry of repentance in the staff wings before the christening, when the feeling of indignation and enmity towards my brother Semyon Nikolaev, the teacher, oppressed me. Man has forgotten himself in his pride and does not recognize his spiritual father and has not wanted to greet him for a long time. May the Lord admonish him and not allow him to reproach His priesthood. And it will be like this, that’s all. Upon arriving home from class and during lunch. All the spirit of enmity and hostility sucks and presses my heart at the sight of sister Anna Konstantinovna and her child, I still feel burdened by their presence in my house and their maintenance, I still consider them indebted to myself. Well, let this debt be on God, although I myself owe everything to God and am unworthy of anything good, no gifts of God. Well, greed, and pride, and anger, and envy, and covetousness! All because of food and shelter there is sin in me! Is this mine? Isn't everything God's? Is it not my wife and sister-in-law?.. Through their father I received everything! God! Show me to be a skilled worker of Your commandments! Let all my love happen! Teach me to seek the heavenly Kingdom, to seek heavenly blessings! And consider everything earthly as rubbish! Wake up! Amen. I thank You, Lord, for You saved me in the prayer of repentance. I revealed to You the ulcer of my soul, asked for healing with all my soul, and You had mercy and healed me. Glory to You! God! After You, the Holy Synod, the sovereign, my late parents, I owe everything to the Nesvitsky family, my wife, this widow - Anna Konstantinovna Nesvitskaya. Grant me, like their gods, to have them after You in love and reverence. Let me hate myself. Do I trust and follow my prodigal, deceitful, evil, proud, selfish, wayward, stubborn, forgetful and lazy flesh? What kind of crazy am I at 44 years old? Take into account that your sister Anna Konstantinovna is aware and feels and is grateful that she is indebted to you through grief, that is, not to you, but to God, who has mercy on you, and that she is burdened by her stay with you. Make sure that she does not feel burdened, for everything is God’s, but God will give you the reward if you willingly and lovingly satisfy her and the children. November 23. Extremely much has been given to me from God through the Nesvitsky family (yes, I remember this), but I do very little for them - but I don’t feel burdened by staying on my premises and on the bread of the widow Anna and her children, but I endure some inconveniences and worries. The Lord is near. Presentation of the Blessed Virgin into the Church. God! I thank You for Your power, which was sent down to me from heaven through my prayer and saved me from the deceit and malice of the evil devil. I performed the prayer service in grace, successfully, cheerfully with Nikolai Sidorov in Baikov’s house. In the heart of a glutton and a people-pleaser, as in a leaky vessel, faith cannot hold. After mass. I thank the Lord, who was merciful to me, His unworthy servant, who looked upon and withdrew the fire of sweets from my insides and did not allow my flesh to completely suppress my spirit with the heaviness and heat of sweets. I thank the Lord, who gave me the gift of loudly and cheerfully celebrating the Divine Liturgy and reproaching the entire reigning house, except for Grand Duchess Catherine Mikhailovna. Fierce enemy! But great is the power of my God and His mercy! Beware of pride and anger like fire: it will eat up all your good deeds, and you will leave this life naked, without boldness. Think, wish, undertake, speak, do everything with a good beginning, not an evil one. There was a disagreement with my wife and major disappointment. Deliver, God, from a grumpy wife, petty, impatient, suspicious to the point of stupidity and anger, picky, disobedient, capricious. I thank the Lord, who had mercy on me in the movement of my anger towards my wife, when I answered her with great severity and great reproach to her unrighteous reproaches. You did not deprive me of peace and freedom, but you also humbled the hearts of both women - both my wife and the widow of her sister Anna, and inspired them with a feeling of gratitude - not to me, but to Your name, glory and thanksgiving. Only subdue them to me, Lord, in righteous and proper deeds, and let them not be self-willed in my house and dwelling according to the whim of their heart. I thank You, Lord, for You gave me the gift of free and bright speech in the gymnasium in the second, seventh and fourth grades. Glory to the Lord, who turned the storm into silence! During the Sacrament of Baptism at Alexander Moiseevich Fedorov's, the prodigal demon severely embarrassed me and, piercing my heart with a sting, did not allow me to pronounce certain words. I was seduced by the beauty of my successor, the girl Varvara Buranova - but what about human beauty? Hay and grass color. The grass withered, and its color faded [1 Pet. 1, 24]... Oh, how many passions I have! Now pride and malice, now love of money, now lust, now ambition, now greed and lust, now envy and jealousy, now despondency! I marvel at the quick mercy of my Lord Jesus Christ, who soon heard me in the sorrow and oppression of sin and gave me peace and space. Here, in the church, there is only one need, here is a refuge from the vanity and storms of life, here is a quiet refuge for souls seeking salvation. Here is the incorruptible food and drink of souls, here is the light that enlightens every person coming into the world, here is pure spiritual air, here is a source of living water flowing into eternal life, here is the distribution of the gifts of the Holy Spirit, here is the cleansing of souls. Reading and singing here are performed in the sacred language - Slavic; All Orthodox Christians should learn it in order to understand the sweet broadcasts of their Mother, who raises her children for heaven, for eternal life. Otherwise, the Mother speaks to her children words of truth and salvation, words of love and wisdom, but the children do not understand much, as if it were an alien language. Here, in the church, a person learns the true nobility of his soul, the price of life and its purpose, or his purpose; here his soul sobers up from the charm of everyday vanity and worldly passions; here he knows his temporal and eternal fate, here he knows his bitter, deep fall and corruption by sin; here he finds the Savior, especially in His Holy, life-giving Mysteries and His salvation; here he learns his true relationship to God and his neighbors, or to his family and to the society in which he lives. The church is the earthly heaven, a place of closest union with the Divine, a heavenly school, educating Christians for heavenly citizenship, teaching them heavenly morals, heavenly life, the threshold of heaven, a place of common prayer of thanksgiving, praise to the Triune God, who created and preserves everything, unity with the Angels. What is more honest and useful than a church? - Nothing. In the service, as in the charter, all the destinies of the human race from beginning to end are depicted in faces. Worship is the alpha and omega of the fate of the world and people. Here is a school of repentance, the reconciliation of people with God, for this reason the cry of the repentant, the humble is often heard here: Lord, have mercy (for this cry is the cry of the repentant); grant (Lord) - there is the voice of one who is poor in sin: help us, O Lord, for we are so poor and may Thy compassions soon precede us [Ps. 78, 8 – 9]. I thank You, All-Bountiful Master, for the day that has passed and for Your mercy towards us sinners, even if we have done no good. Blessed is the Kingdom... God is the King, we are slaves; It is our duty to glorify the Lord, to obey Him, to sanctify His name. The church is an image of paradise and the earthly sky, and that is why it is beautifully decorated. Lord, have mercy... We, fallen slaves and constantly sinning, must repent and beg for mercy, answer all petitions: Lord, have mercy, because all blessings are one gift and mercy of God. If we do not serve God, then we serve our passions, sin, the devil; If we do not gather with God, we will certainly scatter with the enemy [Matt. 12, 30]. It is better to serve God in order to avoid, if possible, all-destructive, never-ending sin. Many people serve the love of voluptuousness, the love of money, their own ambition and are careless about serving God. What will be the end of this ministry of corruption? - Smoldering and torment. He who sows to his flesh will from the flesh reap corruption [Gal. 6, 8]. On this day in the night I had a wet dream from eating meat broth, brains, fried fish roe and fish, potatoes fried in quick oil, and meat. At night he got up and offered the Lord a prayer of repentance and lay down again. By the grace of God he served Matins and Mass cheerfully and loudly; sang at the all-night vigil and read loudly, with all my heart. The prayer service to the Iveron Mother of God was served with contrition and fear of the enemy’s machinations. Scrofula bound and irritated me extremely. He served prayer services in houses with difficulty, half-unhealthy. At home I had a dry lunch: a vinaigrette with dry cod frozen in vinegar, a pie with apples (lenten), rice porridge with Provençal butter, sour porcini mushrooms in vinegar, I drank currant liqueur, then tea without an appetite - it turned out bad: the mushrooms in vinegar and the porridge and the pie had a bad effect on me: my scrofula went crazy, scattered, began to choke, I had to lie down You can’t walk either - the weather will change. I went to Sidorov for a memorial service and barely survived: pain in my left leg, in my extreme hand; I became worthless, sad, gloomy, and taciturn. From this I am convinced that during Lent I need to eat light, quick food that gives good juices and drink milk and soup. It is better to be healthy and serve than to be sick and useless. Indeed, this freedom will not be the fault of the flesh. After rubbing the wine, my legs calmed down. Monday. I thank the Lord, who miraculously revived me this day through the communion of His life-giving Mysteries and strengthened me to perform the Divine Liturgy. I thank the Lord, who called me to perform this greatest Sacrament of our faith, the Sacrament of His immeasurable love for the human race and for me, a sinner. Give thanks for boldness and power in the classroom. Wisdom forgive me. We will not be mistaken if we explain these words this way. The wisdom of a Christian lies in simplicity of heart. Sorry, let's hear - let's listen in simplicity. Forgive me with acceptance - in simplicity you accept. The desire for rewards or the search for distinction is directly contrary to the spirit of Christ; The Lord says: Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven [Matt. 5, 3]. He who seeks differences does not have poverty of spirit; he seeks not the Kingdom of Heaven, but the kingdom on earth. Every day, sacrifice your triune soul to God - the image of the Holy Trinity, that is, your mind, your heart and your will, cleansing all these forces from the darkness of sins. Today I sinned with pride, pride and anger against my brother Father Pavel Lamanov and Father Matthew because they did not bow to me with politeness when I bowed to them when I came to Sidorov’s apartment for takeout. I repented, and the Lord had mercy. I thank the most gracious Lord, who made me worthy to perform the early liturgy on the past day without stumbling and who miraculously revived me through the communion of His Divine Mysteries. I glorify the miracle of the Divine Brush and Drink. Spiritual dead man, I always cry out to new life through Divine communion, like Lazarus of the four days, I rise from the grave of my flesh. At the funeral service in Neustroev’s house, Mitrofanov’s heart changed, he wavered with cunning, doubts, fears, and did not pronounce some words. The enemy is chasing me invisibly everywhere. God! Deliver from the enemy. Why do we most often violate or destroy love for God and neighbor, that is, the whole law? – Because of addiction to one’s own belly, because of self-interest. Why do our neighbors starve, walk half-naked, have no shelter, fall into colds and other diseases that arise from nakedness and extremely stuffy air? - Because of my pride, gluttony, greed, luxury. I would rather buy for myself some unnecessary thing, but shiny, than give it to the poor for their needs, or don’t give it at all, and even reproach them, calling them parasites and other names. I willingly buy delicacies or keep a luxurious table, and as I pass by the beggars, I think: you don’t want to work - and don’t eat, even though I myself work very little and for little work I receive a lot from God’s bounties. For running away from the beggars, I was punished twice or more in a sensitive way: both times with mental distress and once with a skin abrasion on the finger of my right hand and a tumor, very long-lasting and painful. Do not continue this cruelty and shameful flight. God! Have mercy on me. I got up with a severe pain in my head, among other things because I drank three glasses of Madeira at I.P.’s that evening. Berg at a committee meeting, from bad weather (torrential rain) and, probably, from clogging the stomach with lean food (fresh and salted fish soup, buckwheat porridge with almond milk and apple pie). During mass there is cramped conditions, extreme pressure on the heart with pain in the head; he was all broken, no prayers helped, no matter how much he cried out in his heart to the Lord; I didn’t feel any revival from communion. However, to always desire consolation and obvious mercies is arrogant, selfish, and sinful! We must also endure sorrow. I read the prayer behind the pulpit with extreme difficulty and tension, almost with a desperate roar - it was so hard! And everything seems to be due to excess in food or the quality of food. In addition, during mass during the cathedral service, he was tempted through his sight and fell into involuntary envy when he saw the club on the archpriest, which he begged for himself from the commandant; I barely got rid of her with prayer! And how sticky is every sin during congregational prayer! Oh, vanity of vanities! Is it at the throne of the Lamb that such shameful passions excite us and confuse us! Tablet (Church Glav.) – board; On two stone tablets, God Himself inscribed the ten commandments of God's law. Tune (Church Glav.) – here in the meaning “in vain.” Pestun (obsolete) – a caring educator. Ever-existing (church-glorified) – eternal, always existing. You might be interested in: