Октябрь

Protection of the Mother of God. Early mass with matins. I felt miserable during the services: my stomach was completely seized, crushed, and oppressed me because of yesterday’s satiation at lunch, and at dinner because of drinking heavy cream. The voice was not affected by the pressure of excess food; He served with extreme violence and mental helplessness. Well, damned gluttony! After this, will I not decide to firmly hold the fast and not eat greedily and a lot of jelly and meat, fish, etc. Bread and water in moderation. It happened that I ate too much of black bread: it seemed pleasant. The more I walk in the fresh air, the better I feel, and the more I remain motionless while eating and drinking at the right time, the worse it is, and if I drink wine, that is, vodka (like the Little Russian yesterday, at the archpriest’s), then I become a complete fool and cannot speak. This means that until now I have been eating and drinking a lot, more than necessary. Grant, Lord, abstinence and fasting! It is extremely difficult for me to speak due to the abundance of food given the strength of my stomach and the non-waste of semen. Yesterday I went through the greatest struggle with myself before delivering a sermon: torment and fear terribly bothered me, amazed me, killed me. God! What a temptation! How weak, sinful, unclean, cowardly, and lacking in faith I am! Where is the help from food and drink? Where is the benefit of sweet eating and heavy drinking?.. And after death, who will intercede if I do not learn in time abstinence, fasting, alms? It's time to take up the fulfillment of the Gospel with steadfastness and constancy, like the saints. Answer to God's calling. God! I take up catechetical work with joy, because this work should serve to enlighten, purify, sanctify, console and strengthen me and my listeners, no matter who they are, because this is my highest duty: my needs must be preached to the gospel [1 Cor. 9, 16]. By this deed I will gain Your grace and mercy, Master! So, enlighten my thought, purify my heart, strengthen my weak will, support my writing hand - so that I may glorify You not only with my service, but also with my writing hand. Wake up! wake up! wake up! October 2, 1872. Lamps and incense before the saints mean that they always exist before God and what we must always be, that is, they are burning and shining and fragrant lamps of God in their purity and holiness and various virtues - contemplation, fasting, prayer, meekness, kindness, humility, patience, obedience, courage, constancy, devotion, ardent love for God, non-covetousness, mercy... And on The light on the throne is predominantly in abundance, for God is an unapproachable Light to us and a Fire that consumes unrighteousness. Almost ten years of my educational service at the Ministry of Public Education passed with the constant protection and help of God. I thank the Lord for His endless mercy. Teach inwardly and also, Lord, with Your Holy Spirit all the chicks of this helicopter city 67, imagine in them, enlighten, confirm, grow them. I give thanks to the Lord with my unworthy lips and unclean heart, for the Lord has vouchsafed me to perform now the most heavenly Sacrament of the Body and Blood of Christ God and to partake of the life-giving, most pure Mysteries! Blessed and most blessed and most heavenly was I after receiving the life-giving Mysteries. And what happened before communion! What fire, what cramped conditions, what violence, what despondency! The voice, however, after yesterday's heavy exercise in the fresh air, was clear and loud. I thank the Lord, who has mercifully saved me many times from my sins through the prayer of my repentance and from kindling the fire of hell. Never respond to insults, injustice, oppression, faults, or mistakes with embarrassment, anger, or vengeance, but try to be calm and with your calmness maintain the honor of the name of a person, a Christian, and a shepherd. Never repay evil with evil: evil does not destroy evil, but increases; Fire is not extinguished with fire, but with water. This water is meekness, kindness, patience, goodwill towards enemies. I believe and hope that I will be saved by the grace of God through those prayers, supplications, petitions, thanksgivings, hymns, and praises of the Church that I said day after day, week after week, month after month, year after year. Reject yourself, your old, sinful man, stop all solidarity with yourself, with all sinful thoughts and feelings; have nothing in common with what is called pride, quarrelsomeness, malice, enmity, hatred, quarrel, envy, quarrelsomeness, disobedience, despondency, fear, fornication, intemperance, hard-heartedness, laziness, etc. Do not for a moment give yourself the will and place to sin. I will sing to You of mercy and judgment, O Lord [Ps. 100, 1 ]! A hellish anger rushed over me like a hurricane this morning when I met my sister-in-law Anna, who was pouting at me, when I was leaving for mass and saying “farewell” - I was greeted not from the heart, but with compulsion and chagrin. She stood with her back to me (she was doing something with Rufina), and did not think of saying goodbye to me, nor thanking me as usual for the tea. This extremely hurt, confused and shocked me. No matter how hard I tried to hold on, the embarrassment did not stop, the fire of hell burned. In church, before mass, he repented strongly and begged the Lord for mercy, and the Lord performed a miracle of power and goodness and mercy: he transformed fire into dew of grace, confusion into peace, crowded space into space, shame into boldness. He served Mass with boldness, received communion without condemnation, into peace, life and joy, into spaciousness and sweetness. I thank the Lord. But what he did wrong was that he poured too much wine into the chalice and drank too much: he was drunk in class, especially during the first hours of second grade. I thank the Lord for my success in serving Matins and the Liturgy and for the wonderful, heavenly life that the Lord gave me after receiving the Holy Mysteries and for deliverance from malice. I thank the Lord, who, by His great mercy, saved me through a prayer of repentance from my anger towards my sister-in-law during and after dinner. I have angered Your humane womb, O Lord. How constantly, tirelessly, fiercely my worst enemy the devil seeks to reign in me and destroy me forever, making me angry in my dreams against my wife, who cares with tenderness and vigilance for the babies Rufina and Lisa! Today in his dream he imagined her as possessed and angry, and the mother of some baby cut him crosswise across the womb with an ax. The horrors of Satan are dreamy! May the Lord Himself cut you, Satan! Last night I saw in a dream my mother Feodora Vlasyevna, who after labors and sorrows died with me, but not on July 6th, but as if on February 27th. Oh my God! And we didn’t let Mama die in peace! How many, how countless pretexts the enemy presents for a hostile confrontation with his family! Deliver from them, God! Love is patient... covers all things [1 Cor. 13, 4 – 7]. God! I thank Thee, for Thou hast performed with me even now, during the Liturgy, through my prayer, the miracle of resurrection from the dead and the revival of my soul, which had died by sin; I thank You most of all, for You have given me Your Divine, wonderful life in the communion of Your life-giving Mysteries; Your Divine Body and Blood were like life-giving fire in my mouth and in my heart - like peace, like light, freedom, strength, space, boldness. God! I thank You, for You had mercy on me, who repented of my anger and cruelty towards the poor (I angrily tore out the boy by the hair) and took away the cramped conditions and scorching fire and gave me space and coolness. Real parables, similitudes or riddles. Lamps in the church, incense, censer with hot coal; opening of the royal gates, closing; opening the curtain, drawing the curtain; bows, hand blessing. God! An abyss of mercy! With all my heart I thank You, for even now You have vouchsafed me renewal, cleansing of sins, sanctification, pacification, revitalization in the communion of Your divine and life-giving Mysteries. Oh, I felt that You were in me and are in me. How much better it was for me after communion and at the end of the liturgy! It was as if I was in heaven and not on earth. I would serve God forever and not go home or into the sinful world! I thank the Lord, who twice delivered me from the violence of anger at home. God! Improve the life of me and my household, teach them to work and not give in to constant idleness. Again death and hell, fire, and oppression invaded my soul twice. Grace left me, offended by my malice and rage at the poor, but deep, with sighs, tearful repentance twice inclined my Lord to show me great and rich mercy. I felt how the hellish fire and oppression that were devouring me left me and the peace of God entered my heart. What if the Lord completely forsook me with His mercy after I had committed my sins - malice, anger, envy, cruelty, cursing? What if He had not delivered me from fire, distress, darkness, dishonor? I would be like in hell: for me day would become night, the sun would turn into darkness, nothing would be sweet to me, no blessings of life, everything would become cold. I praise the endless mercy of the Lord! I praise the One who gives me life daily, who resurrects me from spiritual death, who brings me out of hell, who heals my sorrows and illnesses! When will I stop getting angry about vanity things - about money, about food, drink, clothing, housing? Who more than me is honored daily with mercy from God, who gives me His Blood and His Flesh every day for food and drink? On the living participation of all believers in worship: the intention of the Church regarding this participation: a conversational service (dialogical) between the clergy and the people. After Matins. I thank the Lord for the great powers shown to me, a sinner, in delivering me from the enemy’s snares during Matins, for taking away confusion and oppression and scorching fire, for giving me peace, boldness, silence, and strength in pronouncing litanies and chants. (Yesterday at lunch I ate pureed white oatmeal and whitefish with sauce; in the evening at tea, smoked salakushka, leftover whitefish and pickled eel, then washed it down with sherry; slept very peacefully at night after a walk with Alexei. The voice in the morning was loud and clear.) I thank you for the wealth of power and grace shown to me from the icon of the Most Holy Theotokos “Quiet my sorrows” and from the local icon of the Lady in the main church. I kissed the first one and said in my heart: show, O Lady, Your cleansing and all-saving power on me, accursed, wounded by sins, as the Mother of the Lord, reigning together with Him forever - and instantly the life-giving fire of grace penetrated my heart: oppression and sorrow disappeared. God bless! Glory to the Lady! I thank the Lord for the successful service in the Cathedral throughout the week, for His constant mercy and help. Today (Saturday) he bitterly reproached his sexton Yakov Mikhailovich Kamnev in the chapel of the fish row for his drunkenness, and he himself was upset, he could not serve the prayer service; then he became angry with the beggar guy and forcefully pushed him out of the door and threw him aside. Because of this, he was extremely wounded by the serpent’s burning poison of anger, and lost peace, boldness, and freedom of spirit. It cost me a lot of work, effort, long, deep inner prayer to regain grace, mercy, peace from God, to regain my former boldness and hope. Finally the Lord had mercy, and I calmed down. Fire was transformed into dew, darkness into light, and I celebrated the all-night vigil with tenderness. Glory to the infinite mercy of the Lord! In the akathist it is shown to the Sweetest Jesus what Christ is in Himself and for humanity and what humanity is; how it, being created in the image and likeness of God, is so sinful, vile, and from what terrible corruption, from what terrible misfortune it was delivered by the incarnate Word of God, who created everything in the beginning. In the songs of the canon, the content of which is borrowed from the Old Testament, it is shown that he who worked so many miracles and did good to the Jewish people in the Old Testament was the same Son of God, Who was incarnated in the New Testament and appeared as our Savior, that even then He saved our forefathers and the entire Jewish people; He is the King of all nations, and the Judge, and the Lawgiver, and the Creator. He miraculously led the Jewish people out of Egypt and saved them from the hordes of Pharaoh, plunging them into the Red Sea, and leading the Jews along the dry bottom of the sea; He worked miracles in the desert of Arabia, gave the law and brought it into the land of Canaan; He opened the barren wombs of Anna, the mother of Samuel, prefiguring the barren pagan church, which became fruitful, flourished like a cranium, by His coming in the flesh, etc., etc. This is the greatness of our Savior, the Creator of ages, Whose dominion is in every generation and generation. This is what Jesus Christ is to humanity. Through sin we became naked from God's truth. Jesus Christ gives us the robe of righteousness, the robe of incorruption through Baptism, this bath of rebirth 68, makes us righteous and holy again through his merits on the cross, through the water of purification, the water of sanctification. Let us keep these new clothes, purchased for us at such a high price! The Lord has given us so many invaluable benefits in His saving incarnation: [...] that if we glorified Him with songs equal in quantity to the sand of the seas, we would not have done anything corresponding to His good deed! It's so big! But we don’t want to give perishable alms to our neighbors! What is our feeling, our heart! What gratitude! What's the point! On this rock I will build My Church, and the gates of hell will not prevail against it [Matt. 16, 18]. The Church of Christ is stronger, more unshakable than the whole world, its entire standing, its entire fullness! This is how a shepherd of the Church, a priest, should be. He must be irresistible by the grace of Christ! The sun sets and the sun rises - Christ God, the Sun of righteousness, entered the tomb, but also rose on the third day, rising from the tomb. So you, man, will go into the grave, but you will also rise on the last day. The priest stands before the throne of God, like Moses before the Lord at Sinai or at Horeb, or like Elijah before the altar, not bringing down fire from heaven, but the Holy Spirit Himself. Great is the dignity of the priesthood! Heavenly, spiritual, holy! The priest must put aside everything worldly (put on a light robe). My wordless deeds brought down the love of the Son of God into a wordless manger; my pride reduced him to a den of bestiality; my greed forced Him to fast for me for forty days and nights; my failure to resist temptation from the devil exposes him to temptation in the wilderness from the evil spirit; because of me, the Creator is in temptation from the evil creature, in order for me to defeat the temptation of greed and intemperance, pride and vanity, or addiction to worldly honor and glory, and to show me an example of feat; for me, doomed to eternal torment, He endures terrible suffering on the cross; in atonement for my eternal death, the Savior dies on the cross; for my resurrection he rises, to prepare a place for me in the abodes of the Heavenly Father, he ascends into heaven. – Your consideration for us is marvelous, Master! I thank my all-merciful God, the Lord Jesus Christ, who has kindly directed my heart and tongue in the service of the Divine Liturgy and made me worthy again and again to partake of His Divine Mysteries for joy and peace, purification and sanctification and revitalization of soul and body. I thank the Lord, who called me to prayers (molebens) before serving the liturgy and who prepared my soul through these prayer services for the performance of the most heavenly and terrible Mysteries. God! Do not deprive me of Your grace. Is it true that the children of important parents, such as archpriests, colonels, generals, landowners, counts, princes, rich merchants and all eminent officials, should wallow and do nothing? God! Are our concepts really so flawed? But I cannot stand to see neither the archpriest’s daughters and sons, nor the generals, nor the princes, idle in my house... Everyone must work. Sunday evening. I thank the Lord for the abyss of His mercy and grace poured out on me this evening at home, when I, stung by the sting of the devil’s malice against the poor who were chasing me and wanting to receive alms several times, came home restless, agitated and, sitting in such a spirit at the table, said with a spirit of grief and discontent a few words to my family, who were offended and began to reproach me, and I became even more upset, wounded, embarrassed, sick in spirit. Many times I knelt before the Savior God, begging Him to forgive my sin, my anger, to heal my ulcer, to remove the sting - and now, through repeated prayer, through repeated kneeling, I was forgiven, healed, pacified, and received spiritual freedom. Thank the Lord! Give me, Lord, the grace to never be irritated with anyone, but to endure everyone with love, to be forgiving to everyone. I thank the Lord for the unceasing powers of goodness, mercy, purification, sanctification, enlightenment, shown to me during the past week of priestly service and throughout all the years of my service to the Lord. God! Oh, that I would never sin and never anger You! Oh, if only I could always live in love! Oh, if not a single word of this book was written in vain, but every word was action! I thank the Lord, who turned my wife’s heart to me through my prayer and in fulfillment of the word of Scripture: and to your husband is your appeal [Gen. 3, 16]. Glory to Your power, glory to Your goodness, Lord: even if we sin, we turn to You alone and after sin in repentance before Thy holiness, righteousness and love, so that You may guide us again along the path of Your commandments. We should all thank the Lord that He gave us common prayers for everyone, thereby instilling common love for everyone and binding everyone into one body, so that we all care about each other, we all guide each other, we obey each other. We say, what is the use of going to church to pray? I’ll pray at home too. – This is one great benefit: we will hear common prayers for everyone and we ourselves will pray for everyone and thereby fulfill the commandment of love. Pray for one another [Jas. 5, 16]. The fact that we desire and seek worldly differences (you receive glory from each other, but do not seek the glory that is from the One God [John 5:44]) constitutes our powerlessness and dishonor, for where will then be our salt in the word? How will we speak the truth to everyone’s face, preaching the word of God, how will we denounce the mighty of the world, when we are seeking rewards from them? The powerful of the world do not reward those who preach about their untruth, but perhaps those who condone their untruth, even if only by keeping silent about it. Moreover, how will the shepherd of the Church care for the souls of the flock entrusted to him when he is tied to this world, and not to the heavenly? When he has little faith and has not yet acquired Christian hope, when his thoughts and feelings are not occupied with the hope of the resurrection of the dead, the terrible World Judgment Seat and standing at the right hand or left of the Judge, the eternal bliss of the righteous and the torment of sinners! They are of the world, therefore they speak in the worldly language, and the world listens to them [1 John. 4, 5]. So, don't desire differences. Lady! Your indecent servant dares to thank You for Your maternal mercy, for You quickly heard the voice of my prayer in sorrow and distress and saved You through Your intercession from my sins and my sorrows when I came to the gymnasium for class at 11 o’clock. I thank You, Lord my God, the abyss of mercy, for You quickly heard the voice of my prayer and saved me from my sins and from my troubles. I thank You, for You saved me in abundance on this day through my prayer, when I came home from the gymnasium and was upset with my family; when he came from out of town from the cemetery and went to Zlobin’s funeral service; when, having been at home, I was grieved at my family and, lifting my eyes to You with prayer in my heart, I was shown mercy by Your goodness. How can I glorify the abyss of Your bounty, Your mercy? I still pray to You for one thing, Lord: have mercy on me to the end. When you hear: Lord, have mercy, you must, like a publican, sigh from the depths and beat your breasts like a publican; This prayer is short, but significant. Because of her, one goes out of the church justified to his home. And the earthly king clothes his closest servants and assistants in clothing of glory and splendor: Is it the King of Heaven who is clothed in confession and splendor, clothed with light, like a robe [Ps. 103, 2], will His servants on earth appear in vile or worthless and unseemly clothes? Will earthly angels, such as archpastors, priests and deacons, stand before Him in worldly robes? Will the servants of Christ and the builders of His Mysteries be as one from the laity? Will the church groom not be adorned? Will the Lamb prepared for marriage not be dressed in wedding clothes? Then, when a priest or deacon says the prayer during public worship: Save, O God, Thy people... through the prayers of the Most Pure Mother of God, the intercession of the heavenly powers, the Prophet and Forerunner John the Baptist and all the saints - the saints all really pray for us in heaven, both at that time, and before and then. Holy, majestic picture of love! How gratifying this is for us sinners! May we ourselves live in love! We are one body! I thank the Lord, who has now called me to close communion with Himself in the service of the most heavenly, divine, terrible, supernatural liturgy and in the communion of His holy, most pure, life-giving and terrible Mysteries. There was a considerable struggle with myself, or with the evil forces that intensified in me in a short time through my gluttony and other passions: anger, irritability, etc. It took a lot of work to take off the sinful clothing that covered my heart - the clothing of tightness, confusion, reproach and dishonor, guile, coldness, powerlessness, hypocrisy, fear of man. After communion of the life-giving Mysteries, I came to life, I felt the life-giving fire both in my mouth and in my heart, and I performed the entire service with boldness. After the funeral service, I was subjected to strong temptation when I noticed a dirty veil on the lectern and became upset at the elder N.S. and prayed to the Lord to replace him with another. Vulnered, embarrassed; I asked the Lord for forgiveness, justification through His Holy Blood, and received it. On the ship, in front of the body, he did not say a full exclamation and dismissal, and Satan extremely brazenly wounded me with great rage; I rode in a cab in cramped conditions, burning sensations, and confusion; in the overcoat of the gymnasium I prayed to the image of the Queen of Heaven, and the Lord had mercy. I thank the Lord, who reconciled me with my sister-in-law Anna during the table: I considered her embittered against me and disgusted with me; I prayed to the Lord for reconciliation in my prayer book, came again to the table, and the Lord softened her heart - she spoke kindly to me, and this instantly touched, softened, and reconciled me with her. I was glad for this change and immediately calmed down. Glory to the Lord, who acts graciously on our hearts and destroys the feeling of hostility. Dressing in the bright vestments of the clergy means putting on a new person and must constantly remind them of putting off the old: So let your light shine before people... [Matt. 5, 16]. I did not walk, O Lord, before You in Your ways, but I lived voluntarily, according to the lusts of my heart. Have mercy on me, Lord! The gradualness in the cooling of a person’s heart towards his sincereness is remarkable: without knowing him closely, he respects him, having recognized him, he begins to despise him, knowing him even closer and longer, he begins to dare and lay his hands on him if he is his inferior, and especially if he uses his home and table! According to the law of God, we should love a person more the longer we treat him, but according to the law of sin we hate a person more if, of course, we notice various shortcomings in him. But man is not an Angel. Grant, Lord, to achieve Your perfection. Be perfect, as your Father in heaven is perfect [Matt. 5, 48]. But we don’t think about perfection: we crawl back like crabs. I thank the Lord, who, in His great mercy, saved me this morning from my anger and inflammation against the poor and partly against my household, who cooled, pacified and spread me. In babies, love and take care of the infant Lord, for they are His pure, innocent members; in the youths, love the boyhood Lord of glory, for they too are His members; in youths, also love the one who made us a youth for the sake of the flightless King of the ages, who was gradually filled with reason and wisdom; in men of male age, love the matured Lord, when He solemnly went out to serve the human race, taught, worked miracles, addressed sinners, suffered, died and rose from the dead: and men are His members; in the elders, love the Ancient of Days, Whose number of years is endless, and honor their gray hairs, so that you yourself will be honored when the Lord blesses you to live to old age. Let your whole life, all your relationships with people be love. Let everything with you be done with love [1 Cor. 16, 14]. Wednesday. Evening. Long-suffering, abundantly merciful, gentle Lord! I thank You with all my soul, for You delivered me twice, through the prayer of my repentance, when I asked, sought and pushed, from the spirit of hostility and strife between me and my wife; I thank You for how wonderfully and quickly you attract our hearts, especially her heart, to peace and love. God! Give us everlasting peace and love! Give me patience, generosity and meekness! God! Give order in all matters to everyone in my house and to each his own business, so that none of us will find ourselves idle and become food for the evil one. Protect us with mutual love and Thy peace! For now love has dried up from our hearts, or only as a short-term guest from heaven visits us! We do not have patience, mercy, humility, condescension, simplicity of heart, or kindness. I visited the director: he received me very kindly, especially Elisaveta Vasilievna, his wife. I drank tea with gingerbread cookies. Very good. The priest blesses. Foundation: The Lord lifted up His hands, and bless them [Lk. 24, 50]. We read or sing prayers to the Lord during the service: Lord, have mercy... Grant, Lord... etc. Reason: Ask, and it will be given to you [Matt. 7, 7; OK. 11, 9]. I am with you always, even to the end of the age [Matt. 28, 20]. I ask you to make prayers, petitions, supplications, and thanksgivings for all people [1 Tim. 2, 1]... With what spirit should one say, Lord, have mercy... Grant, Lord... etc.? With what thoughts, intentions?.. With a spirit of obedience, with the intention of doing His will, as befits slaves, in a spirit of humility, heartfelt repentance, with the intention of showing mercy to one’s brothers. What thoughts should you have when entering the church? The eyes and heart of God are here all day long. The eyes of the Lord are ten thousand times brighter than the sun [Sir. 23, 27]. If anyone comes to Me and does not hate... even his own life, he cannot be My disciple [Lk. 14, 26]. I saw and see that all the troubles, grief, strife and quarrels in the house were due to my pride, impatience, and irritable disposition. From now on, may the Lord help me to accomplish the feat of hatred for myself (for my passionate soul and flesh) and love of all-covering and all-suffering and never falling away. God! He who sees my thoughts and intentions! Give me the memory and strength to do this. October 12, 1872. Morning. Six o'clock. Only by hating myself will I truly love myself, and God, and my neighbor. In our everyday life, much has come into use not out of need, but out of whim and addiction; separate what is really needed from what constitutes a whim and addiction, and our needs will be very limited, and the means of living will be sufficient for many, and, what is very important in terms of spirituality, it will be possible to allocate from one’s meager resources to those in need, whereas many wealthy and well-off people spend their material means of living on whims. What would happen without the church of God? Where would you find cleansing of sins, sanctification, where would you have a quiet refuge for your souls? Where would you find peace, joy in the Holy Spirit, relief from sorrows? Where would they begin to learn saving knowledge of faith? Where would you hear the word of God? In the dwellings of the laity, in the villages of sinners, where there reigns only the vanity of life, everyday worries, troubles, fun, games, and sometimes strife and quarrels, abuse and swearing, there is no time for the word of God. And in the church of the Lord you will find true earthly heaven: there is only prayer, praise, thanksgiving, repentance, teaching; here the heavenly Mysteries are performed, here is the throne of God, here are His invisible and visible Angels, that is, the priests who form the Angels - here is the whole heavenly Church, all the saints; here tears of repentance flow, here the purification of souls, here peace and great mercy are given from God to souls hungry and thirsty for truth, burning in prayer; here the prayer is common, as if a censer is corrected and accepted by God; here are lamps burning and shining, reminding us that we too should burn and shine before God; oil in front of the icons, as a sacrifice to God, reminds us of God’s unceasing mercy towards us and of our mutual mercy. A lamp cannot burn without oil, and our soul cannot burn with faith, hope and love without works of mercy: it fades away, grows cold, becomes frozen, and dies. I thank the Lord for repeatedly pardoning my unworthiness through the prayer of my repentance; I have repeatedly become irritated with beggars for their importunity, extravagance, drunkenness, delicacy, and pranks; I severely tore one by the hair, but then repented - and the Lord extended [His] beneficent hand and saved me from the fire of Gehenna, from the tightness that oppressed me, from the evil worm - and to this day I enjoy His peace and the space of my heart. Glory to the Lord! He will deliver me soon. I cried to God, and the Lord heard me [Ps. 54, 17]. The bodies of many, many of us are overflowing vessels, that is, with everything: food, drink, smoke. Oh, if only our souls were so full and overflowing with virtue! Unfortunately, this is not so: the body is full, overflowing, satiated, but the soul is meager, poor, hungry; the body is luxuriously dressed, but the soul is naked; the body is decorated - the soul is ugly due to many sins, because it has no faith and love for God, its Creator and Savior, and for its neighbor, it is superstitious, proud, crafty, hypocritical, voluptuous, greedy, money-loving, proud, envious, impatient, extremely prone to unclean or lewd thoughts, movements or to anger and irritability, to quarrels and strife, or to laziness, gluttony, drunkenness and carelessness about the one thing needed, that is, about the most necessary for a person, or prone to grumbling, insolence, blasphemy, blasphemy, disobedience or superstition. Likewise, the condition of many of us is a full and overflowing cup, overflowing, but everything is not enough, we want to gain more and more, as if the whole world, according to the word of the Savior [Matt. 16, 26], but we do not want to give to the poor, even though the excess is their property, not ours, and thus we are preparing for ourselves the fate of the rich man, who, having fun all the days in the light and dressing in purple and fine linen, was completely indifferent to Lazarus, who was lying at the gate of his house, poor and sick [Lk. 16, 19 – 31]. So excess and wealth are disastrous for many of us! This is how it hardens a person’s heart! So it blinds the eyes of a sinner! It plunges him into such self-forgetfulness! He dresses in silk and velvet or in the finest cloth or wraps himself in expensive fur, looks down with contempt at the beggars dressed in rags or half-naked and imagines that he is a man and not a beast, that he has a human and not a serpent’s heart, as the Forerunner once said to the Pharisees: brood of vipers! who inspired you to flee from future wrath? produce fruit worthy of repentance [Matt. 3, 7 – 8]. Another has built for himself houses made with hands, built himself a warm, cozy or luxurious nest and has forgotten his brothers, who have no place to lay their heads, or does not even consider them brothers: he has become arrogant, inaccessible, although he himself may have recently been one of the same insignificant people; Thus, having built a warm nest on earth, he forgot about the eternal abodes in the house of the Heavenly Father, which he should have acquired here with good deeds, especially alms to the poor, and which, for his hardness of heart and for his pride, he would be deprived of forever. Turning a truthful look at myself, I see that I have not yet learned to eat and drink, for I eat and drink hastily, with greed, with oblivion, with enthusiasm, not calmly, sometimes with my heart on my tablemates! And this is extremely bad! I must be indifferent to perishable food and perishable drink, for I am so often honored to eat incorruptible food and incorruptible drink, Divine meat and drink - the Most Pure Body and Blood of the Lord! And after eating and drinking, I feel as if in some kind of fugue and burden. You have read about the eruption of fire-breathing mountains: you see how the earth melts like wax from underground fire. So one day, by the will of God, the whole earth, all the seas and rivers will dry up. If the earth, like everything on it, is perishable, then why do we cleave to earthly, perishable, perishing goods? Why do we spend time only searching for them or enjoying them, forgetting the eternal blessings for which we were created?.. Why have you set yourself the goal of gluttony and carnality? Why only enrichment? Why only temporary honors and awards? Why the incessant vain fun? Why luxury in housing and clothing? What are chariots and horses for? Why do you remove yourself from the house of prayer from the Sacraments? Why don't you repent? Why don’t you bear fruits worthy of repentance? Why don’t you hunger for the bread of life and the source of immortality?.. Why don’t you gain mercy from God by showing mercy to your neighbors? Why, when you see lamps burning and shining in a church, if you are in it, do you not ask God for fire and Divine light from the Holy Spirit, burning away our sins and inflaming our souls with love for God and those like us, through our prayer? Why don’t you smell before God of meekness, humility, kindness, purity, patience, almsgiving, in general, faith and love, like incense? After all, these material rituals give you lessons so that from these visible signs you ascend in thought to invisible, spiritual things and try to warm up your frozen soul and dispel the stench of your sins with tearful sighs, wash away the blackness of your soul with hot tears! Behold, I served You, Lord, for seventeen years with Your constant help, constant deliverance from the storms and troubles of sin, with constant consolation, pacification, revival, enlightenment, confirmation, boldness. Mine were only sins: all good things are Yours. Glory to You! Help and more! Comfort and more! Save more! If you want to eradicate or weaken evil in any of the people, among your enemies, then eradicate it not with evil, not with abuse, not with anger and enmity, but with kindness, humility, patience and heartfelt prayer for those who offend. Anger and abuse and enmity will only increase evil. Unfortunately, we often think to destroy evil with evil and do so. Remember, O Lord, in Thy mercy and Thy mercies, Anna, my relative, and forgive her for what she did against me. Lord Lover of Mankind! I consider it my duty to thank You again for destroying the hostility between me and my sister Anna Konstantinovna, who boldly and unreasonably forbade me from entering the doors of my apartment leading to the kitchen. For a long time I was worried about her unreasonable and obstinate, evil jealousy, I prayed for a long time to You, my Intercessor and Guardian and Savior, among other things, I prayed to expel her from my house, as You once commanded Abraham to expel Hagar and his son from his house; I read the Psalter for a long time to calm myself down; Finally, the widow, inappropriately jealous and imagining herself to have the right to dispose of something other than her own, in which she was received out of mercy, humbled herself and began to speak in a tone of meekness and persuaded me to do the same. Glory to You, Lord, mighty in battle. When teaching, it is necessary to clearly and clearly indicate to the students the subject, the purpose and benefits of science, its idea; Thus, it is necessary to indicate the subject, purpose, benefit and idea of ​​the science of worship, church history, general and civil, its connection with the history of the Old and New Testaments. The light vestments of the clergy are an image of the light clothing in which all the righteous will be clothed in the next century. Then the righteous will shine like the sun in the kingdom of their Father [Matt. 13, 43]. Our God is the all-powerful, wise and all-good Creator and at the same time the Savior of the human race; He is the God of miracles, He created with one word the world and all the infinite variety of creatures; He created man in His own image and likeness, and to redeem him, who fell into sin, curse and death, He Himself became man, without ceasing to be God. These are the greatest miracles of creation and redemption and are depicted in the entire rite of daily, Sunday and holiday worship. Great is the miracle of God - the creation of the world and man from nothing! - but an incomparably greater miracle is that God became man for man and in some way made man god. How is this possible? – By His incarnation, His teaching, His death for us, His resurrection and ascension into heaven to the Father with our human, deified nature, with soul and body. It is these greatest, wondrous, ineffable deeds of God that are remembered and glorified daily in church in worship; also the feat of His saints. The holy seed is the standing of the world [Isa. 6, 13], that is, this is the Lamb of God, who takes away the sins of the world, reigning in heaven with the Father and the Holy Spirit and hitherto on earth taught as food and drink under the guise of bread and wine to the faithful; then the Most Holy Theotokos and all the saints and also those of God on earth. This is because of whom else the world, adulterous and sinful, stands firm and is not destroyed! The Lord cried with a great voice; Lazarus, come out [Jn. I, 43]. With a great voice - to depict that great, thunderous voice with which the Lord will resurrect all the dead on the last day of the world. The time is coming, and has already come, when the dead will hear the voice of the Son of God and, having heard, will live [Jn. 5, 25]. Resurrection. I thank the Lord, who has vouchsafed me to perform (and sing) Matins and serve the Liturgy without stumbling, and to partake of the revival and pacification of my holy, most pure, life-giving Mysteries. At the prayer service of the Mother of God, the devil, due to my voluptuousness and partiality, laughed at me while reading the Gospel of both: the Mother of God and the Holy One, and especially when reading the prayer of the Mother of God: several times I tried to say the words: look at the much-painful thing and up to three times I could not utter it and continue further, only on the fourth [...] I defeated the enemy, almost crying from indignation at his dirty tricks. Why is this exactly? “Some girl looked at me for a long time: I looked at her and was offended. What a satanic sting! What a torment! From now on, do not look at anyone, even if you are a king or a queen or the most beautiful of maidens or wives! Lord, have mercy! Why are the psalms of David often sung at our church services? Because they are excellent guides to prayer and glorifying God. Because they are broadcasts of the Holy Spirit and perfectly contribute to the believer being filled with the Holy Spirit. Because many prophecies about the Author of our faith, the Lord Jesus Christ, come true in Him, because our glorious Lord is the same God of our fathers, Who spoke to our fathers in the Old Testament, Who worked miracles in patriarchal and legal times, Who, in fulfillment of His promise to Abraham, brought the Jews out of Egypt and miraculously led them through the wilderness; Who gave the law to Moses and promised him that he would raise up a prophet like him from among his brothers; Whom everyone should listen to, Who performed all the miracles in the Old Testament, raised up all the prophets, and is Almighty God and the Creator of the prophets. The basis for prayer in a standing position: Jesus Christ says to the disciples: standing up, pray, so that you do not fall into misfortune [Lk. 22, 46]. Reasons for a special litany: praying more diligently (Jesus Christ) [Lk. 22, 44]. The Most Holy Theotokos incessantly, day and night, prays for us, but we are too lazy to pray to Her, the most merciful Intercessor, for an hour or two; saints also constantly stretch out their hands to God for us, and we are sometimes too lazy to call on them for help and reinforcement with our cold prayer. If he who is angry with his brother is subject to judgment (who said cancer, unscrupulous [Matthew 5:22]), then how sinful are we in general, when to be angry with our neighbor in vain, to say: an empty man, unscrupulous - is the most common thing for us? If anyone who looks at a woman lustfully commits adultery in his heart [Matt. 5:28], then how much do we sin against this one commandment, not to mention the others, for unclean views are the most common thing for many? Oh, how unclean we are before God and people! And we say that we have no sins. During worship in our Orthodox Church, most often the incarnation of the Son of God from the Virgin Mary and the Most Holy Theotokos Herself are glorified; in addition, the praise of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, the Holy Trinity in one Being, is most often heard. Dignified and righteous! Eternal glory and thanksgiving to the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit! I sinned extremely before God and people, firstly, by impudently driving away the beggar, and secondly, by strangling him with my hand when he, having been driven away, pestered me at the church house; he was furious at him and other beggars, telling him daring and crazy, malicious words: even if you die like a dog, I don’t care. Oh, my evil aspiration! Oh, the skill of the devil! But oh, the mercy and long-suffering of my Master, the Lord Jesus Christ! How quickly He is found to save me, who repent and painfully groan over my sins! I praise long-suffering and mercy - I, impatient and hard-hearted. You saved me with your prayers, Lord, yesterday in the evening at night. Why was I angry with the beggar yesterday? Many times before he began, but deceived me, as I heard, spending what he asked for on extravagance; Yesterday he came twice: the first time I drove him away (in the Duma courtyard), the second time - from the church courtyard; Tired of me, the impatient one. However, to say the least, out of greed I hit him on the cheek, having not eaten since the morning - I was in a hurry to eat, as if I had not eaten for ages, and yet I still really didn’t want to eat. Well, I'm full of greed. Internally, the devil constantly teaches us evil, so we must constantly learn goodness and especially teach children always goodness. Oh, how pitiful I am that I don’t have meekness, humility, kindness, or patience! I shout at the beggars, calling them obscene names: scoundrels, brute, mazurik, swindler, scoundrel, scoundrel, slacker. You often hear in church the cry: Peace to all, to remember that you are in the church of the God of peace and that you must be at peace with God, and with people, and with yourself: with God - through repentance and keeping the commandments, with people - through chastity, truth, mercy, meekness and patience, with yourself - without allowing yourself anything illegal and without violating your conscience. The veneration of icons expresses the thought that the saints before God are like fragrant myrrh, and together with the prayer that they fill us with the world of spiritual incense and drive away evil-smelling passions from us. Despise money, and not the beggars who need it: man is more valuable than the whole world, and everything is for him; despise sweets, because of which you become weakened, defiled and hardened in heart, and not poor people, although they are subject to weaknesses; remember: with the measure you use, it will be measured to you, and with the judgment you judge, they will judge you [Matt. 7.1 – 3]. Look, they would not have condemned you first for parasitism, laziness and idleness, intemperance, drunkenness, delicacy, fornication, envy, malice, than them - how much you need to learn from them, for example, abstinence, patience, meekness, gentleness, simplicity, etc.! During Matins and Mass I suffered to my heart's content from the serpent's sting! Oh, how the adversary stung me! Oh, how hard it was for me! I could hardly speak. But when I partook of the Holy Mysteries, I instantly came to life with the life of the Divine - the sting disappeared, peace settled in my soul, a surge of good power appeared, boldness came, especially after the final use of the Holy Gifts. I thank the Lord for His inexpressible mercy towards me, for His strength acting in me, for revival, boldness, confirmation. I thank the Lord, long-suffering and abundantly merciful, who did not reject my deep and whole-hearted, all-powerful prayer of repentance, after I tore out the hair of one beggar and pinched his face, and was very angry with others and scolded them, and as a result I was deeply wounded in soul and body, indignant, inflamed, weakened, and ashamed. For a long time, walking along the sidewalks and embankment path, I repented and prayed, prayed and repented. Finally, the Lord had mercy, healed and saved me. The grace of the Lord is the power of mercy and salvation, cleansing, sanctifying, enlightening, healing, strengthening, replenishing, transforming for good (from malice to meekness, from the impurity of the heart to chastity, etc.). What did senseless rage lead me to and is leading me to? To dishonor, to mental and physical inflammation from Gehenna and to spiritual death, and perhaps even physical, for some people died immediately from anger. And who am I angry at? On unresponsive sheep - beggars, whom bitter need drives to me, and nothing else. God! I have sinned deeply and gravely before You. But be merciful to me, a sinner, and teach, teach me meekness, kindness, patience, mercy. The entire divine economy is about our salvation, the entire history of the Old and New Testaments and the history of the Church, all worship shows and develops the truth that man is God’s beloved creation, the image of God, the child of God, for whom the world was created, for whom the Son of God descended from the throne of glory to earth and took on the image of man - his soul and body, performed great innumerable and amazing miracles, for whom he poured out the rivers of His Divine wisdom, light and grace in His Divine teaching, for the redemption of which He suffered and died in the most cruel way from the Fall and eternal torment. Marvelous is love, marvelous is mercy and patience, marvelous are the works of the Lord towards the human race! And all this economy, all this history of the Old and New Testaments and all church history (with its struggle against persecutors and heretics) is depicted in the annual and weekly circle (and daily circle) of church services! The majestic wisdom of God is contained in this service; there is nothing more majestic, sweeter, wiser than the divine services of our Holy Orthodox Church. The image of the Savior, as our prototype, as our image in life, is placed first from the royal doors; then His Most Pure Mother on the left side, for through Her we are deified and brought into paradise. In our prayer to God and the saints there is a lack of depth and awareness of sins, depth of feeling, depth of will or intention to correct ourselves and live for God and our neighbors. Behold, yet, Lord, you open for me the gates of a new summer of my life by Your mercy! May this summer be the summer of my renewal, the summer of pleasing You, the summer of new, great and rich mercies, like the past and all the past summers of my life. You were patient with me, had mercy on me, saved me, cleansed my sins, enlightened my soul, darkened by passions, helped me in all good deeds, delivered me from fierce enemies, from the ferocity of passions - continue Your mercies to me and to Your people, to this flock of Yours and, by Your grace, to ours. Do not yet deprive me of the coveted health of soul and body, vigor, strength! Most of all, grant holy simplicity, gentleness, humility, chastity, abstinence, contentment with existing things, success in business, and do not deprive me of honor and glory, or a good name from people, sin for my sake, and as hitherto you glorified me for the glory of Your name, so glorify me in the past 69 for the sake of the same glory of Your name, for I am Your servant, Your unworthy servant. Amen. October 19, 1872. The more unclean, abominable, and evil our heart is, the more we attribute impurity and abomination or malice, wickedness and other passions to other people in our thoughts; but the simpler and purer a person is in heart, the more he thinks about good people, especially about the authorities, and most importantly, wishing the best for everyone, he sincerely prays for everyone, as for himself, knowing that all good things come from God, that it is common for every person to stumble, make mistakes, and fall. After the liturgy and after classes and after evening sleep. I thank the Lord, who into the fiery furnace, kindled seven times by the devil, descended inside me and turned the fire of hell into the dew of grace and miraculously watered me, pacified me, spread me, made me glad, and encouraged me. Wonderful deeds of God’s goodness and omnipotence upon me, a sinner! Marvelous, unchangeable, always saving, life-giving, omnipotent are Your Mysteries, Lord Lord! Grant them to me according to Your ineffable mercy. Glory to You! Good order, O Lord, my life and that of my household in holiness and peace. At the Liturgy of the faithful, the Symbol of Faith is sung by Christians for the same reason that it is read before Baptism, before the parting words of the sick, before the Sacrament of Confession, before the ordination of bishops, that is, as a necessary condition for worthy participation in the Sacrament and for the perception of the power of the Sacrament: if you believe with all your heart, as the Holy Orthodox Church believes, you can be present at the celebration of the Sacrament or accept it in due time Holy Mysteries, if you have prepared yourself with fasting and sincere repentance; If you don’t believe, you are not worthy to attend, much less to receive communion. The sacrament is performed at the altar by clergy depicting Jesus Christ and the apostles, with the royal doors closed, because initially this sacrament was performed by Jesus Christ in a special upper room, in the presence of only His disciples, and in order to keep the great secret from the eyes of the unworthy, to the greater reverence of the believers, for the heart and eye of man is deceitful and, in its uncleanness and deceit, unworthy to contemplate the Mystery, which even the Angels look at with fear. Why is the death and burial of Christ the Savior remembered before the Sacrament of Passion, that is, at the Great Entrance? In order to depict the leading of Jesus Christ by Roman soldiers and high priestly servants from the Garden of Gethsemane to the high priests for trial by Anna and Caiaphas, to Pilate and Herod and then to Golgotha ​​beyond the city gates, Calvary crucifixion, death on the Golgotha ​​cross and removal from the cross; the clergy stopping on the dais means the erection of the cross and the crucifixion of the Lord; The prayer that the Lord will remember all Christians in His Kingdom is reminiscent of the prayer of the prudent thief: remember me, Lord, when you come in Your Kingdom [Lk. 23, 42 ]; in general, all rituals, sacred rites and prayers of the clergy at the liturgy require attention and purified meaning, a vigorous spirit and burning with faith and love, for all these sacred services are Divine wisdom. In such a short time and in such a small space, so many greatest events are remembered that took place at different times, in different places, events that express the abyss of Divine wisdom, goodness, strength, long-suffering, truth, and mercy. Here you need to follow every second with your eyes, ears, thoughts, and hearts every word, action, ritual, so as not to let anything slip, not to miss anything without attention, teaching, edification. Yes, the liturgy requires a wise soul, pre-purified, not bound by worldly passions and cares, directed towards grief’ (We have grief’ in our hearts). Why are you thinking about trifles while standing during this heavenly, Divine Liturgy? Why do outfits, hats, and gold jewelry occupy your soul? Give God at this time a soul adorned with chastity, meekness, humility, and mercy. Here is your robe! Here is your gold, pleasing to God! The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ and the love of God and the Father and the communion of the Holy Spirit be with you all [2 Cor. 13, 13]. It could not be more timely that this apostolic benevolence is pronounced by the celebrant at this very time. The grace of Jesus Christ, merciful, cleansing, saving, enlightening, strengthening our souls, is needed not at all times, but now, in these terrible, heavenly moments, when many heavenly armies serve with us, tremblingly surrounding the throne of God; The grace of God, enlightening and strengthening the weak, scattered powers of the spirit, is especially necessary for us to possibly understand the height and importance of the upcoming Sacrament. Love of God and Father. At these moments, we all need to feel the boundless love for us, sinners, of God and the Father, Who so loved... the world that He gave His only begotten Son, so that whoever believes in Him would not perish, but have eternal life [Jn. 3:16], - and to love Him ourselves with the Only Begotten Son and the Holy Spirit, rejecting all worldly passions; and the communion of the Holy Spirit is necessary for us most of all at this time because without this communion we cannot love God the Father, for only through the Holy Spirit can we cry out to God with sincere love: Abba, Father! [Gal. 4, 6 ]! For only holy grace purifies, sanctifies, enlightens, pacifies and strengthens us for a worthy and fruitful journey during the most holy Sacrament. We pray to Thee, our God, - while singing these words, the whole church, all those present in the church should pray together with the celebrants, so that the Heavenly Father would send down His Holy Spirit on us and on the Gifts that are presented, and read silently the prayer: Lord, Who sent down Thy Most Holy Spirit at the third hour by Thy Apostle, do not take Him, the Good One, from us, but renew us who pray to Ty (and indeed our wonderful renewal always takes place after communion of the Holy Mysteries). Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a right spirit in my womb. Do not cast me away from Your presence and do not take Your Holy Spirit away from Me. At this time, not a single soul should remain cold, but every soul should be inflamed with love for God, and what cools the soul, let us remember again, are everyday cares and passions, such as: sweets, self-interest, curiosity, anger, enmity, envy, jealousy. Most of all, at this time, let our souls be like lamps - burning and shining on the throne and in front of the holy icons, like a censer - burning and fragrant, like the smoke of incense rising from the mountain. It’s like being a communicant... These words are a continuation of the previous prayer of sowing: we ask, and we pray, and we pray 70: send down Your Holy Spirit on us and on these gifts that are set before us; The meaning is this: bestow upon us Your Holy Spirit at this hour, so that they (the Holy Gifts) may serve for the participants in sobering the soul (from worldly passions), in the remission of sins, in the communion of Your Holy Spirit, in the feeling within ourselves of the Kingdom of Heaven, or heavenly bliss, in boldness before God, but not in judgment or condemnation. For this, the Church, militant on earth, as it were, represents the Lamb of God, who takes away the sins of the world and redeemed with His Blood everyone - both in the Old Law and in the New: forefathers, fathers, patriarchs, prophets, apostles, preachers, evangelists, martyrs, confessors, abstinents and every righteous soul who died in the faith, thanks the Lamb for them God, who in the last year deigned to be incarnate from the Most Pure Virgin, to accept our complete nature, to enlighten us, to suffer and die for us; especially brings a verbal service of thanksgiving about the Most Holy, Most Pure, Most Blessed and Glorious Lady of our Theotokos and Ever-Virgin Mary; then he remembers the saint or saints of the day and prays to the Lord to visit us with their prayers. The Church’s prayer to the Lamb of God for all the dead and the living is touching and touching. She intercedes with Him for the repose of the first where the light of the face of God is present, and asks the Lord to remember every bishopric, the right ruling word of truth, every presbytery, deaconry in Christ, every priestly rank; We offer a verbal service about the universe, about the Holy, Catholic and Apostolic Church, about everyone who lives in purity and honest living (that is, especially about monks who have taken a vow of purity and chastity); about the emperor and about the entire reigning house, about the whole chamber and their army, he asks the Lord for a peaceful reign, and we, in their silence, will live a quiet and silent life in all piety and purity; then he commemorates aloud the local highest government spiritual authority, the Holy Synod and the bishop of the city and the entire region and prays to the all-merciful God to grant them to His Holy Church in the world, whole, that is, the right of those who are wise, honest, healthy, long-living, the right of those who rule the word of truth, who do not philosophize in evil and corruption. Then he prays to the Lord, that he may remember this city in which we live (or the whole 72), the country, every city and country, and by faith those who live in them; floating, traveling, not arcing, suffering, captives and their salvation; bearing fruit and doing good in the holy churches, remembering the poor (let us remember the poor [Gal. 2:10] - in deed, not in word) - and sent down Your mercy on everyone for the sake of the great and terrible Sacrifice; then an exclamation: May the Lord give us all, with one mouth and heart, to glorify and sing Thy most honorable and magnificent name, the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit. A timely cry and prayer: a great thing is the united mouth and one heart of those praying: such unanimous prayer can obtain from God all kinds of good things. Therefore, as much and as often as possible, we must exhort everyone to unanimous prayer and ask God for such prayer. But the devil often sows and scatters those standing in the church like wheat. - [Finally] says: And may the mercies of the all-great God and our Savior Jesus Christ be with you all. Having earlier mentioned in particular the different powers and classes of men, now in general he wishes mercy from God to everyone. A litany of petition follows. We do not know what to pray for as we should, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings that cannot be expressed [Rom. 8:26], - what does the Holy Spirit intercede for us? - About a perfect, holy, peaceful and sinless day, etc. Forgive me... sincerely, sincerely. Land and sea, rivers and lakes bring you, man, the gifts of God; Finally, the Son of God Himself is teaching you in His Flesh and Blood - what else is missing? How ungrateful are you? How insensitive and senseless? Matins depicts the appearance of Christ in the flesh, also the resurrection that followed early in the morning, and the Church sings with the Angels: Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men... God the Lord and appeared to us... and the resurrection troparion; also Praise the name of the Lord... Blessed is the Lord from Zion (for from Zion, from Jerusalem the Lord came), who lives in Jerusalem. Confess to the Lord that He is good, that His mercy endures forever - for according to His promise He appeared to us, the orphans and the poor, and saved us by His appearance in the flesh, in suffering, death and resurrection. Confess to the God of heaven that He is good, that His mercy endures forever, for at the end of the ages He came to earth and redeemed it from darkness and the shadow of death. Oh, the Lord is indescribably good and His mercy is inexpressible! Blessed be ecu, Lord, teach me by Thy justification. The council of angels was surprised... etc. You see what a strict internal connection, what a sequence in the course of Matins and in the remembered events predicted by the prophets in the Old Testament, especially the forefathers and the prophet David! The Canon is a solemn song of the faithful to the appeared Lord, in which His greatest blessings to the perishing human race are glorified and together expresses the greatest sinfulness of the descendants of Adam, their extreme corruption and extreme need for the Savior, their triumphant joy at the appearance, which applauds the Word of God born from the Virgin - a joy in which Christians invite the prophets of the Old to take part the Covenant, who predicted the appearance of God in the flesh (Isaiah, rejoice...); The stichera on Praise also solemnly glorify God incarnate alternately with the Old Testament prophets: first the Old Testament verses from the psalms are sung, and then the New Testament songs. The Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve and to give His soul as a ransom for many [Matt. 20, 28]. Who did the Lord serve? - To us - sinful, lazy, careless, evil, proud, angry, voluptuous, prodigal, selfish, who loved earthly gain, and not souls, which are the greatest self-interest more than the whole world; to the ambitious, vain honors for those who love earthly and perishable things, and not the honors of the sons of God, heirs of the Kingdom of Heaven and the heavenly calling. Imitate the Son of God and serve all sinners, like you, and not only the righteous. And who is righteous? Just the Lord. What benefit, says the freethinker, does the Christian faith bring? - we are no better morally than pagans and Mohammedans, Jews: we get sick and die the same way; We are big egoists, lovers of money, ambitious, sensualists, we have anger, envy, stinginess, guile, and all sorts of baseness and abomination and disobedience. – It depends on us, and not on faith. How far have we come mentally and politically? And morally, haven’t we become much better than in paganism! How many charitable institutions we have! How much alms, secret and obvious! What zeal for churches! How faith has softened our morals! Curb your passions! What civil laws have developed under its shadow, breathing truth and mercy! What meek and good monarchs and rulers she gives us, how beneficially she influences the spirit of warriors, judges, shepherds, and flocks! What a spirit she permeates all classes! What kind of obedience and reverence it produces in subjects to the power that holds it, what a spirit it brings to schools! What a beneficial effect students have on youth! Extreme tightness in the chest and in the insides in general, especially in the sides; with extreme difficulty he spoke exclamations, intensified, sat down; this happened due to the onset of rainy weather (which happened in the evening), as well as from the clogging of the stomach with food and from the action of evil demons. This was discovered during my communion of the Holy Mysteries - here I noticed, and even before, that I was entangled by evil demons. After communion, I was honored with the great grace of God - I became revived, renewed, calmed down, and spiritually rejoiced. Glory to the Lord, who revives me as much as the spiritual dead. I thank the Lord, who through my prayer delivered me from my great anger, which I expressed when I met the beggars who often came to me, and against one poor boy who came from Rambov for shoes and alms. At home, I internally prayed for salvation from the stifling, stinking malice; all the way on the way to Abramov’s house (prayer to the maternity woman on the tower) and from his house to the gymnasium, and the Lord had mercy, forgave, reconciled, and gave boldness. Glory to the Lord! Why is faith in our student youth weak, cold, or no faith at all? Because there is no fire of love for the subjects of God’s law, for the history of the Old and New Testaments, for the catechumen truths, for the science of worship and worship itself, for the history of the Church and for the Church itself, there is no fire either in the mentors or in the disciples. Where is the fire that Christ the Lord came to bring 74 to earth? [ OK. 12, 49]. Where is the depth of teaching, explanation, reflection, assimilation of what is said and read? What great saints and friends of God the Church calls to intercede for us before God! The Mother of God herself, the Forerunner, the apostles, prophets, hierarchs, martyrs, saints and all saints! Early mass. Parents' Saturday. The sweet sting was extremely strong in me from breaking my fast yesterday, Friday, by eating a pie with fish and meat soup without meat, and from eating fish at dinner - whitefish and potatoes; the demon of voluptuousness bound and weakened me, did not allow me to reprimand Empress Maria Alexandrovna, and at the prayer service of the Mother of God of Iverskaya to read the Gospel of the Mother of God and the Blessed Water. I need fasting and fasting. I believe and hope that I will be saved by the grace of God through the prayers of the Church that I said day after day, week after week, month after month, year after year. The sun tends to shine, warm, revive, excite, increase; To God and the Mother of God - the same in the moral world. Truly, we need to cry about drunkenness and debauchery - this arbitrary madness of many souls, about debauchery, about foul language, about these three vices, which have multiplied so much especially recently. What kind of charm has seized Christian souls, who are perishing en masse in the snares of the all-evil devil? Truly, the whole air is polluted by the breath of drunkards and foul-mouthed people! It seems that he is groaning from this spill of abomination! How the earth bears these debauchees! How it does not waver under our feet! Or will these unfortunates be punished the more horribly at the Last Judgment of God, the greater God’s long-suffering toward them? Come to your senses, wicked ones, and weep over your abominations, while God’s mercy still gives you time to repent. Brethren! Admonish each other, punish these impudent defilers with contempt and do not allow them into your homes. They are worth it, because they defile themselves and despise God’s creation, created pure, beautiful, unblemished, and purposeful. Oh, where is the goodness of the image of God? Where is his lordship? Bold ones, remember that God Himself took upon Himself our nature, all our members, our flesh and blood! Remember these words of the church song! A new miracle and divine: for the Lord, naked at the entrance, passes through the virgin door, naked at the entrance, and the flesh-bearer appears at the exit of God, and the Door remains closed 75, or the words: I had a virgin with child, and gave birth to a Son, Immanuel, God and man 76 - and be horrified at your insolence, at your shamelessness. Oh, how necessary it is for shepherds to care for the salvation of the lost! The Supreme Shepherd will exact the destruction of the verbal sheep at their hands! Glory, Lord, to Your cross, for with this saving sign I drove away the demonic prodigal ghosts last night, and spent a prosperous night (November 5). Gluttony and satiety exposes the soul to the grace of God, shames it, and weakens it. Having remembered the Most Holy Theotokos with all the saints... We are members of the Body of Christ, members of the spiritual Kingdom of Christ - the Church, the property, lot, residence of Christ and the Mother of God, and we must live holy, as befits saints, remembering whose members we are, slaves, whose property, how closely we are united with God and with the Mother of God and with all the saints. Seeing icons of the Lord, the Mother of God and saints in our homes, we will remember that we are members of the Body of Christ, that we are called to holiness. The service of the all-night vigil was painful for me today; cold, bound, squeezed, my heart was dead from my satiation at dinner (cabbage soup, veal, meat, soaked apples, then coffee with cream): cowardice, vain, demonic fear, tightness in the chest, clogging of it, vagueness and hoarseness of the voice - trouble, and that’s all. I prayed a lot for salvation, for a grace-filled visitation, but the Lord, offended by me, did not deliver me from these troubles: the heart was definitely not mine - Belial owned it, and he triumphed over me in his victory. In the worship of our Orthodox Church and in every part of it there is enough food for the soul, for the mind and for the heart and for its active power: litanies, prayers, chants, readings from the books of the Old and New Testaments - an inexhaustible treasure for a high mind, a straight, noble heart, a believer, a trusting, loving will, for an active, energetic, enterprising will. These litanies are Divine litanies, inspired by God, pure, holy, all-encompassing love, the mind of God, breathes in them; they indicate all our real needs, all requests for everyone and everything, all grateful feelings; in these prayers, secretly or aloud read by the priest, the love of God, the same mind of God, also breathes; in them we ask God for everything we need, we offer full gratitude for all God’s good deeds to us, sinners and unworthy; in these hymns all the great deeds of God are wisely sung, especially the deeds of love for the human race, all the miracles of God and His saints, all the wisdom of God in the creation of the world and the redemption of man; in the readings from the Holy Scriptures all revelations, prophecies, types, dogmas and moral rules are set forth. I am guilty, I am guilty, gluttonous Esau. Serving the Liturgy today was absolutely a disaster for me, a hellish torment: demonic cramped conditions, embarrassment, fear, suspiciousness, irritability - in bad weather, rotten and quiet, reached their highest degree; the voice is difficult, somehow clogged or from a clogged chest, therefore, when I went out at the great entrance to speak the royal family, I could not say anything from extreme soreness of my nerves, from suspiciousness and fear. This amazed me, especially since I prayed to the Lord earnestly to lift, encourage, strengthen my spirit - and was not heard, and was abandoned, however, rightly so, as punishment for repeated satiety after the Holy Mysteries. The night before, to top off my dinner meal, I smoked cigars and drank a glass of milk and cake, thinking that this would make it better, but it turned out to be as bad as possible. After mass, he baptized in the gatehouse with extreme difficulty, he could barely speak; out of impatience and frustration he screamed rather than read, growled some prayers or read very quietly. The wedding in the church was celebrated quite calmly, there was room for the chest. He served Vespers decently: with the help of the Mother of God, he read the entire Great Litany well, freely, calmly. After Vespers, he was furious with the beggars, near the gymnasium he dared them with his hand - he hit an unrelenting boy on the cheek, grabbed another tightly by the hair and tore him out on the panel opposite the windows of the training carriage; at the door of the church house he tore out the hair of a red-haired naughty man, at Gostiny Dvor he called the annoying children of beggars bastards, in another place with rascals and similar names; grumbled, cursed, blasphemed against the Lord, allegedly He had not foreseen regarding me and the beggars, in such a multitude demanding food, clothing, and lodging from me; He spoke insolently in the bitterness of his heart, although he later repented of his madness. I complained to the Lord about society, about the mayor, about the head of the city, about the rich who do not think about the poor, cowardly crying that the poor were left to me alone, and the rich and noble seemed to not care about them. Extreme insult! It is remarkable that before mass at prayer services in private houses, a strong prodigal inclination reigns in me, especially at the sight of young, beautiful, gentle, smooth faces - and this inclination comes over me like a whirlwind and overwhelms me, confuses me, darkens me, and stops my speech. At night there were prodigal ghosts who were defeated by the cross upon awakening. O prodigal, vile flesh! How I still neglect fasting! During the liturgy, the heart was cold and insensitive due to the constraint and [connectedness] of the whole body and the whole soul; During the communion of the children, I also felt cold and constrained, unable to speak ordinary words, and all this from gluttony and satiety! We need fasting and fasting, bread and water! It is necessary for a Christian to have one heart sweetness - God, one wealth or treasure - God, the Source of every treasure, one good - God, one glory - God, and the heart should not be divided at all between love for earthly sweets, often unclean and sinful, and spiritual sweetness for God - between earthly and spiritual wealth, between earthly and heavenly glory, earthly honors and distinctions. on high. You cannot work for two masters [Matt. 6, 24 ], O people! I thank the Lord, who performed the miracle of His mercy on me, the accursed one, when I consumed the Holy Gifts, taking away from my heart the pain of sin and the oppression of death. [Ah,] how easy it became for me, easy in the depths of my heart, in which there lay like a stone, or a painful growth, or like a worm sucking. I thank the Lord, who accepted my tears of repentance and gave me a deep feeling of contrition. This is the true life of a person - sincere repentance, a feeling of one’s deep moral damage, one’s extreme guilt before God and firm hope in God’s mercy, which is not overcome by our sins, whatever they may be, for the Lord has the will and power to forgive many and cruel sins. I served Matins with difficulty, with obstacles from invisible enemies. I thank the Lord, who deigned to quickly hear my prayer for help in the service of Vespers and who girded me with strength from above to pronounce all the litanies without stumbling. Grant, Lord, that I always turn to You sincerely with a secret prayer for help during the pronunciation of litanies and prayers, for You give prayer to the one who prays, and without You we cannot do anything [John. 15, 5]. What did you go to see? Is it a person dressed in soft clothes [slav.: in soft vestments]? [Matt. 11, 8]. What do soft vestments mean? – A soft, flattering soul, pleasing the passions of others, such are the court flatterers, which is why the Lord says: Those who wear soft clothes are in the palaces of kings [Matt. 11, 8]. Saint John the Baptist in this sense did not wear soft clothing, for he proclaimed the truth strictly, sharply, menacingly, such as: brood of vipers! who inspired you to flee from future wrath? [Matt. 3, 7 ]; the ax lies at the root of the trees: every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire [Matt. 3, 10]. Everything - from the sovereign and the metropolitan to the last villager - is in God, pray for everyone in God, for we are one body of many [1 Cor. 10, 17 ], all members of the Lord, and guide one another. I thank the Lord, who gave me the grace to perform Matins without stumbling through the prayers of the Most Pure Mother of God, whom I begged, Her unworthy servant. After an evening snack at the gymnasium with the director and lunch with Yakov Andreev (meat here and here) and after the presence at the evening round dance of boys and girls, high school boys and girls, during mass today I felt very hard: the sting of Satan strongly burned and bothered me, oppressed me, and killed me; The Lord punished me for voluptuousness and for contemplating women: the sting of addiction to female beauty was probably in my heart, and I was embarrassed when I saw in the church one woman, very pretty, who seemed to me to be the wife of the mayor; Feeling a sting in my heart, I raised my tearful eyes to the Lord in order to remove this sting from my heart, but I became weak in the intense struggle with the enemy and at the great entrance I became confused and lost, unable to pronounce the name of the empress and other members of the royal house. At the prayer service to the Mother of God in the Gospel, I missed the words: behold, as if there was a voice... from the Lord; on the Holy Gospel: sheep font... those who have. The enemy confused, oppressed, stung. There was grief. Besides, I was in a hurry to get to class. And at another prayer service I was simply woeful. But I thank the Lord: after consuming the Holy Gifts, I completely calmed down. Oh, what an abyss of mercy! What an abyss of strength, wisdom, forgiveness, all-healing, and revival! He was very peaceful in the classrooms. I thank the Lord, who had mercy on me through my intense prayer and gave me space instead of cramped space. I tore out the hair of one beggar who had squandered the money I had given him. Was it because of the ruble that I raised my hands against the verbal creation of God, against the member of Christ and my own?.. How powerful are the prayers of the Church! Entire cities and villages would have perished if not for the daily prayer of the Church; fruits would not have been born if not for the daily prayer of the Church! You are our Lady, to whom should we turn in our sins, troubles, sorrows and illnesses, if not to You, our Good, All-Powerful and Benevolent Queen and Our Mother? Who is closer to Christians, if not the Mother of Christ, to whom are Christians closer, if not to the Mother of God? Then, who is closer to Christians if not the apostles and hierarchs, martyrs, saints - the foundations of the church after the cornerstone of Christ? And who should we turn to in prayer after God and the Mother of God and the holy Angels? You are no longer strangers and strangers, but fellow citizens with the saints and members of God's household, having been built on the foundation of the apostles and prophets, Jesus Christ Himself being the chief cornerstone [Eph. 2, 19 – 20]. They are our mentors and models in our holy, godly faith, they are witnesses and servants of the former Word [Russian: former... servants of the Word] [Lk. 1, 2], they have the womb of Christ and love us with the womb of Christ, they love us, as the holy Apostle Paul wrote about love in his letter to the Corinthians [1 Cor. 13]. Therefore, we need to resort to them diligently, sincerely, often, and following their example, put off the old man and put on the new man, renewed in the image of the Creator, put off gluttony, satiety, fornication, malice, anger, envy, covetousness, laziness, absent-mindedness, self-will, stubbornness, resistance and disobedience, arrogance; despondency, murmuring, impatience, blasphemy, insolence, idle talk, laughter, deceit, contemplation, hypocrisy; cowardice, man-pleasing, carnality, luxury, much care, vanity - and acquire all the virtues opposite to these sins, in which may the Lord help us through the prayers of the Most Pure Mother of God, the holy glorious apostles, hierarchs and clergy, martyrs, saints, unmercenaries and all saints. On the evening of October 24, I ate soft black bread with butter and cheese, and it became heavy: at night, especially in the morning, I felt heaviness and excess. Do not eat at night, especially black bread. October 25, five o'clock in the morning. I sinned before God and before myself - by overeating on fish (whitefish) in the evening, when there was no need to eat or drink after the recent tea and bread. Lower back pain. I couldn’t sleep since three and a half o’clock in the morning. Having repented of this, I will thank my Lord for yesterday’s great gifts of mercy to me and, firstly, for the great help shown by Him and the Most Pure Theotokos during the service of Matins in the presence of the archpriest - I thought that Matthew (but he was not there) - I boldly spoke the great, petitionary and special litany and the entire service; secondly, for the obvious and great help and salvation during the cathedral liturgy: at first and for quite a long time there was heaviness, pressure, confusion, storm, languor, fear in the heart (especially due to the expressed desire of the archpriest so that the veil covering the silver plate would not be revealed on the throne - one had to convince oneself that it was better to fulfill the desire of the abbot, although petty and more a whim than a desire, and not have any the slightest addiction to things), and after the great entrance, all this crush and storm, by the mercy of the Lord, soon disappeared, it became easy and tears of tenderness appeared - I came to life after death, especially as a result of the evening satiety, and after communion and especially after consuming the Holy Gifts, I felt in myself the fullness of heavenly life, peace, joy, health. The classes were easy. After classes, I came to dinner at Nazarova’s funeral service and was deeply upset by my brethren for the vain, unfounded, false reproaches for giving alms, that I only give to swindlers and spread them in the city, that all my alms are not worth a penny (priest Vasily Chernyavsky), that they should accuse me of giving incorrectly so that I can correct myself. Father Matthew said publicly that the boy and girl were hugging and kissing (beggars). The archpriest confirmed that there is something even purer - in a word, everyone said unanimously that I was indulging in parasitism and debauchery. I finally said that I would stop giving, but you take responsibility before God for the poor, for their hunger, tears, sighs, murmurs, riots, crimes, and I will wait for God’s instructions: whether my actions are right or wrong, whether my alms are right or not - and whether you are fair towards me or not (October 26. Morning. 4 o’clock). Chernyavsky, Veselovsky, Trachevsky (all priests) said that they take it at their own peril. Show them, O Lord, Your fear for their inhumanity and hard-heartedness and for their love of money and their arrogance. I thank the Lord, who has given me the grace to celebrate Vespers, the Sacrament of Marriage and the Sacrament of Baptism with boldness and without stumbling (with special boldness [...] towards God and ease). I consider it my duty to thank the Lord for His great and rich mercy even on this day, for the successful performance by me, an indecent one, of Matins, Liturgy and Vespers, especially for the super-peaceful communion of His divine, life-giving and terrible Mysteries; for the cleansing of sins, for sanctification, pacification, spiritual freedom, for the gift of health. Truly, the power of the Lord is made perfect in my weakness, and His grace is multiplied in me according to the multitude of my sins! Glory to His mercy! Man is in the image of God and likeness. This truth is revealed and demonstrated and pursued throughout Scripture, the Old and New Testaments, church history, and our worship. Then the devil comes and snatches away the word implanted in their hearts; steals constantly, brazenly, forcibly, at all times, steals faith, hope and love, steals at home, in church, everywhere. For what? So that... they may not believe and be saved [Lk. 8, 12]. By excess and immoderate voluptuousness you buy yourself fornication, deceitfulness of heart and coldness towards God and upset your health, which is most supported by moderation. Love abstinence - through it you will acquire purity, humility and closeness to God. The enemy constantly steals the word of God from our hearts: so at first we sometimes listen or read diligently the word, or the [Sacred] Scriptures, or pray fervently from the depths, and then little by little we grow cold towards reading or listening to the word of salvation, and prayer becomes colder, lazier, more superficial, and finally some abandon both completely; or at first we remember someone in prayer diligently, sincerely, willingly, and then little by little we become careless and remember them carelessly, coldly, forcefully. O cunning, O malice of Belial, who steals our salvation. Woe to all the clergy who are bound by worldly lusts and passions, for they are attacked especially and especially during the priestly service by the dragon, who has great rage and seeks to devour them, so that they do not shine for the people, and do not direct them to the path of truth and salvation. Woe to the voluptuous, the money-loving, the ambitious, looking at faces, given over to vanity. They must constantly contemplate grief and with all their hearts love their Lord and Savior, the Creator of all creatures, who immeasurably honored and loved them. Yesterday during mass, Satan almost devoured me because of yesterday's satiety (I ate meat at lunch), because of a sweet pastry pie and two glasses of milk in the evening. My heart turned out to be extremely prone to voluptuousness, and the devil took advantage of this to tear me away from God with one wave of his trunk, to revolt, constrain and weaken me, so that at the great entrance I could not pronounce the name of the empress and the prayers of the prudent robber. Then, because of the sexton, who hurriedly sang Worthy, he was extremely indignant at the action of Belial and could not utter the words And give us one mouth; I had difficulty reading the pulpit; I didn’t say the entire message: I didn’t mention the Holy Apostle Andrew and the supreme rulers Peter and Paul. After consuming the Holy Gifts, I completely calmed down. I thank the Lord, who covered my sins. Christians! Take care of your feelings, that is, your heart, most of all, nurture this center of Christian faith, hope and love or the center of unbelief, despair and anger. Remember its extreme dependence on the belly and avoid gluttony and satiety, love constant abstinence and fasting. An incontinent womb makes the heart prodigal, cruel, insensitive to the misfortunes of one’s neighbor, evil, envious, money-loving, stingy, impudent, and angry. I thank the Lord, who has vouchsafed me, after all my moral difficulties, sorrows, sorrows and physical infirmities (pressure on my heart), to partake of the calm and revival of the most pure and life-giving Mysteries of Christ God. (I received disappointment from my father, the archpriest, who intervened in the matter of alms and decided to look through my parish book as an archpriest and dean and sign the summary with the question: where is the money? To whom and how was it distributed?) This week the Lord surprised us with His mercy: He sent me 40 rubles from a mug for my share. I thank the Lord for His immeasurable mercy towards me, for He vouchsafed me loudly and firmly, although not without a struggle, to perform the Divine Liturgy and to partake of His Divine Mysteries in peace and sweetness. Again I could not pronounce the name of the empress at the great entrance; Glorify them with Your Divine power - at the prayer behind the pulpit. Grace gave me, unworthy, feeling and tears, but sin also took its toll from me: one sinful thought, one feeling of envy and jealousy - I almost fell deeply, and then I was deeply embarrassed and could not utter some words And give us one mouth... The priest must be the whole eye, the whole light, the shrine, the truth and the most accurate, living fulfillment of the law. I thank the Lord, who heard my prayer before the wedding for peace of heart, for the quenching of the demonic storm (Father Matthew was here) and for the successful consummation of the marriage. He rarely performed weddings, that is, he spoke, and performed them decently. All sin or all sins act in the womb and are born from the womb: malice, envy, stinginess, greed, covetousness, pride, laziness, despondency, laughter, sadness, murmuring, blasphemy, and nasty evil thoughts. To curb the womb. The enemy constantly instills in the heart a desire or desire for the unlawful, which defiles and perverts our nature. How many obey him and anger the Lord and pervert their nature, created in the image of God. The search for earthly rewards, like the search for primacy among brothers, is contrary to the Gospel, the spirit of Christ. Verbal creatures! I will explain to you this year our worship, our verbal service. Through the Most Holy Virgin Mary, Theotokos, the Lord poured out so many blessings on the human race that it is impossible to count them, for they are greater than the sand of the sea. Therefore, the Church silently sings Her praises, glorifies Her in His power every day, many times and in many ways. Truly, every tongue is perplexed to praise the Most Holy Virgin according to her heritage, but the mind and the most worldly song of Thee, Mother of God, amazes... 77 Remember, my soul, when composing conversations about divine services, all those holy thoughts and feelings with which the Spirit of God animated you during all-night Sunday vigils, become in a state of divine inspiration. He sinned gravely before God through gluttony and satiety and drunkenness, and therefore, when baptized by Boyle, he weakened and became confused from the fear of the devil. The godfather was Boyle's brother Roman, the godfather was the wife of the lieutenant general, a German. Father - Lieutenant Konstantin Romanovich Boyle. Father Vasily Iv. from the fifth mountain after the prayer service he drank vodka and ate a lot of fish pie and thereby weakened his spirit and deprived himself of grace. Even before the prayer service and snacks, I felt a heaviness in my heart from yesterday and the third day of satiety, but with an akathist prayer to the Mother of God I took away the burden and brought lightness into my soul, but through drunkenness and satiety after the prayer service I again lost grace, like Esau of his birthright. Do not drink vodka, eat as moderately as possible. How long will the priest of the New Testament be clothed with the old man with all his deeds? How long will he partake of the food that endures to eternal life [Jn. 6, 27 ], will he be satiated with corruptible food, with food and drinks that burden both body and soul? How long will delicacy and satiety last? How long is there negligence about correction? Strong tea is harmful: pain in the lower back all night, preventing me from sleeping peacefully. When eating this or that food and drink, our heart borrows the coarseness and properties of that food: for example, from sweet food - lust, from fish and meat - lust, rudeness, greed, cruelty, covetousness, from wine - noise, and screaming, and violence, etc. Therefore, food or drink is very important in the spiritual life of a Christian. I thank You, Lord, as yesterday, when I was in the seventh grade, You aroused me to inner repentance for allowing enmity against Semyon Nikolaev, who decided to despise me because of something; I thank You for teaching me to despise enmity and not to respond with enmity to enmity, annoyance for annoyance, evil for evil even in thought, for this is reckless and absurd, but to respond with favor and mercy and forgiveness, as if one does not know what he is doing. Give me, Lord, childish kindness. But also enlighten the erring and highly intelligent one, so that he does not despise Your priestly rank to offend others, and the title of father, for I am his father in spirit. You transformed my confusion and crampedness into peace and space. I praise Your mercy. Our Most Holy, Most Pure, Most Blessed, Glorious Lady Theotokos and Ever-Virgin Mary, with all the saints, commemorate ourselves and each other and our whole life to Christ our God, as members to the Head. What closeness of all the members of heaven and earth! What devotion to God! What a holy society! Teach communication, community and sociability, mutual assistance, compassion, alms. This litany is an eternal monument to the unanimity and sociability of the first Christians, their strong, mutual love, their respect for the saints, their devotion to God. What is left now of this unanimity, of this sociability? Just words beating the air, just a rustling wind; We hear the word, but there is no action - there is no unanimity anywhere, there is discord everywhere: self-interest and ambition, ruling in the hearts of so-called Christians, have divided everyone, scattered the flock of Christ in different directions, like ravenous animals! Now there is no compassion for each other, there is no communication of possessions - the flesh, having invented thousands of whims, absorbs all property, all the gifts of God. Let us imitate the spirit of the first Christians and their deeds, love each other, bear each other’s burdens [Gal. 6, 2]. In the evening, at ten and a half o'clock, I was baptized by Stepan Petrovich Sverlov in Kurechanov's house. Before baptism there is demonic darkness in the heart, violence, confusion, oppression, slavery of the enemy. He prayed to the Lord and the Most Pure Mother of God - the Most Merciful One had mercy, freed him, pacified him, strengthened him with His grace. He performed the sacrament quite freely; at times the enemy raped the soul with covetousness, aroused an addiction to the scarf and thereby confused the soul. O soul, acquire the priceless and unique treasure - the Lord, and you will not be embarrassed forever. But earthly treasures are decay, and the soul that is partial to them decays. The bad, musty water in the tea (in the samovar), the lingonberry jam, which I ate quite a bit in the evening, the cod with quick butter on Friday made it so that I could not serve Matins for the archpriest today: my stomach and chest became clogged, and invisible enemies were right there, out of spite, confusing, overshadowing, inducing muteness, despondency, apathy, aversion from prayer - at least don't serve. What a moral cramp! The enemy’s violence and my powerlessness! Vertograd (Church Slavic) – garden. Rebirth (church glory) - rebirth, renewed life. Prednyaya (Church Slavic) – future (predny – located in front). We act mili sya (Church Slavic) - we pray with tenderness, we offer ourselves to mercy, to intercession. Priseshchat (Church Glav.) – to visit, to visit. The whole (church-glory) - village, village. Just a few times (Church Glorious) - many times Vovreshchi (Church Glav.) – bring in, throw in, sweep in. Irmos of the 9th song of the canon to the Most Holy Theotokos on Saturday at Compline, tone 3. Irmos 9 songs of the Sunday canon at Matins, tone 5. Every tongue is too poor to reverently praise You according to your worth, and even the Heavenly Powers are perplexed as to how to sing praises to You, Mother of God... Irmos of the 9th canon of the canon at Matins of the Feast of the Epiphany. You might be interested in: