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October 16. Wednesday. I thank the Lord, who has strengthened and made me wise now to perform the Liturgy without stumbling and to pronounce the names of the reigning persons firmly. This is how one should always pronounce them without laziness, for they are earthly gods: Az rekh: you are gods, and you are all sons of the Most High [Ps. 81, 6], and their names are sacred and indisputably great for everyone; one word - the highest. If there is nothing great and honorable for us on earth, then what will be great and honorable in heaven? Oh, satanic pride, which constantly intensifies to undermine respect and reverence for everything sacred and great and to vulgarize and humiliate everything. But he who exalts his neighbor exalts himself, and he who humiliates his neighbor humiliates himself. I sinned greatly before the Lord God in that I carelessly, hastily, not heartily, without faith, depicted the sign of the cross on newborn babies during the naming of their names, during the churching of the mother and baby, during the catechumen, during the betrothal, during the blessing of oil, during repentance, during baptism, during the anointing of oil, before holiday icons, etc. I repent of this before God! An evil person becomes irritated and furious from everything that is unpleasant to him, for example, because others do not agree with his opinion or do not want to do something according to his will and desire; he gets irritated even at soulless things, throws them, breaks them. But with all this he hurts and torments himself. We get irritated most of all because of food, drink, clothing, money, because our desires are not fulfilled, for example, if we wanted to invite one of our friends to our place and we are not allowed to do so. Why do we remember the Lady, prophets, apostles, hierarchs, martyrs, saints? Firstly, to glorify them and through them God, who acted and rested in them forever; secondly, to imitate them in faith and love for God and, thirdly, to constantly remind oneself of eternal life and strive for it. God is not the God of the dead, but of the living, for with Him all are alive [Lk. 20, 38]. The heavenly Church, the earthly Church, those who have equally departed from this life, but have not yet been established in the heavenly Church, although they have repented, are one body with the head Christ. The triumphant Heavenly Church prays unceasingly for us in her heavenly worship; earthly - glorifies and constantly asks the heavenly Church to intercede for us and prays for the repose of our departed forefathers, fathers and brothers in a brighter, greener and calmer place, in heavenly abodes. What wonderful agreement, what divine harmony! Oh, how blessed we are that we belong to the Orthodox Church not only in name, but in the very essence of the matter, in the circumcision of the heart by the spirit [Rom. 2, 29]. How pitiful and blind are the Lutherans and Anglicans who fell away from the Apostolic Church and broke ties with the heavenly Church and with the departed. A pure heart is a source of abundant joys, and an unclean one is an abundant source of sorrows and distress; an unclean heart does not allow the reading of the Holy Gospel, the church, icons, or prayer, and the unclean one runs away from worship, from the church, from the Gospel. Being unclean in heart, a person runs away from the shrine of the church, from icons, holy relics, etc., because he is greatly disturbed and tormented by thoughts of doubt, evil, nasty, blasphemous thoughts, or he stands in the church and is crowded by them. The pure in heart is conformed to the Most Pure God and therefore will see God [Matt. 5.8]. Just as through unclean glass everything appears unclean, including the sun itself, so through an unclean heart everything appears unclean to a person, even the holiest faces and things. So, for example, man was created by the most pure hands of God, purely, unblemished, wisely; However, a person with an unclean heart often looks with unclean eyes at a person similar to himself and is ready to turn him into an object of animal and carnal, rough pleasure, or is inflamed with unclean lust towards him. The poor in spirit sees before him, around him and in himself the darkness of God's blessings, present, past and future, and always diligently thanks God for them; but the proud man is blind - he does not see them, he attributes everything to himself, his mind, his labors or his upbringing, origin and does not thank the Lord. The poor in spirit often repeats the prayer: From Adam, my Jesus, all who have sinned... overcome the passions, wretched one, but You... 87 The unclean in heart must read the morning prayer to the Mother of God: My Most Holy Lady Mother of God... cancel me... After abundant communion (parts of three hundred prosphoras were taken out). October 19th. Saturday. For being full of meat, the Lord punished me by leaving me during the all-night vigil: I was alien to grace and the peace inseparable from it, I felt languor, fear, demonic fear; did not finish many of the exclamations; I repeated the prayer to Christ, the True Light twice and could not say it; in words, yes it is signified, he became a dead end; I couldn’t say everything; I didn’t ask for forgiveness of sins, because I couldn’t - the devil occupied my heart. God, cleanse me, a sinner! And for this reason the Lord forsook me because he became angry with the beggars and pushed one beggar swiftly when he persistently approached me with a request. What do we praise most about God? - Generosity, mercy, philanthropy, wisdom, justice. For what? To become like Him in generosity, mercy and love for mankind, to manage to live according to the commandments of God, to love and observe the truth. If you want God to be a refuge of mercy and salvation for you, then be a refuge of mercy for your neighbors, for example, the poor, orphans, and widows. Have mercy on them willingly. He who does good to the poor lends to the Lord [Prov. 19, 17]. When you do evil to your neighbor, you also do evil to yourself. It will enter your bones like oil. Children have a mind like doves: you give grains or bread to the pigeons, and they will fly to you, and you will not drive them away. So children, accustomed to receiving pennies from you, run up to you and don’t leave until you give them. And to be angry with them, as with gentle pigeons, is reckless. With heartfelt love embrace everyone mentioned in the great litany, and bring this love from the church into social and family life. The Great and Sublime Litany teaches us great Christian love. Do many people frighten you during priestly service? Are you afraid of many pigeons? - No. But people during worship are the same as pigeons. What are they afraid of? The connection of the Gospel beatitudes with each other. He who recognizes and feels the extreme poverty of his spirit, his sins, his weakness for good without the grace of God, cannot help but cry over his sins; whoever realizes and feels what kindness of the image of God he has lost through sin and what he may be subjected to in the event of unrepentance and non-correction, he cannot help but cry over his sins; whoever believes and feels that his sins brought the Son of God down to earth and to the cross, cannot help but cry over his sins; whoever believes that each of us with his sins again crucifies the Son of God and, instead of the renewed life imparted to him in baptism, again lives according to the old man, doing the will of his flesh and thoughts, he cannot help but weep for his sins and for the sins of his neighbors, but he who is aware of his sinfulness and weakness and weeps for his sins, knows the power, charm and cunning of sin and the powerlessness of man for good from his own experience, he is naturally meek and kind, because he takes pity on all people, pities that they sin through learning from the devil, through evil natural habit, through inattention, through ignorance. The priest, as one standing before the throne of God, must be unafraid and have a face that is not shameful. He must not look at faces: for God does not marvel at faces. By praying publicly or secretly for others, you first of all do good to yourself, for you fulfill God’s commandment to pray for one another [Jas. 5 16]. Therefore, pray sincerely for every person and for your enemies. From gluttony, gluttony and drunkenness, the heart becomes powerless for good. The enemy captures the heart, confusing it, confusing the mind and weakening the spirit. Addiction to earthly goods robs a person of the memory of his heavenly destiny and heavenly Fatherland, does not allow him to think and care about success in Christian virtues, which constitute the goal of life, dries up love for God and neighbor and forces him to constantly work in vanity, threatening deprivation of communion with God and the saints. You know that our flesh is prodigal, that it must be humbled and tamed by abstinence, labor, vigil, prayer, and contemplation of God. How do you feast on, become satiated, revel in, despite cramped conditions, sorrows, demonic confusion, fears and apprehensions? You sin greatly both against God and against yourself. How many times does the Lord have mercy on you every day, long-suffering you and by faith alone, for the sake of warm prayer, cleansing your great and endless sins, your anger, pride, envy, greed, gluttony, drunkenness, etc.? Long ago you should not have lived according to your deeds, but by the ineffable mercy of God you are still tolerant and live, live in contentment. How we must thank the Lord, the Savior and the Judge for this, and speed it up by correcting our lives, so that the hour of death and then an impartial judgment do not suddenly overtake us. I offended the great Lord my God by the fact that after mass on my parents’ Saturday, having had my fill of Communion, of which there was a lot from the many particles taken out, I greedily ate at home cold meat with game aspic and ate a plate of cabbage soup - at 2 o’clock, and then after sleep, when the family had dinner, I again ate a fair amount of roast chicken and jelly. Oh, inexcusable greed in a priest, who must constantly philosophize on heaven and, while abstaining himself, teach others to abstain too! Forgive me my sin, Lord! If you want to serve the Lord without stumbling, fast and pray, and your prayer will be without stumbling, easy, living and strong. God! give me complete coldness towards all earthly blessings, both imaginary and ephemeral, and ardor of heart towards heavenly, true, abiding, life-giving blessings. Addiction to sweets, elegant clothes, silver and gold, and to the flesh or to carnal intercourse spreads through the soul like a hellish, consuming fire. The human soul is in the image and likeness of God and must cleave to the one God with all its heart. My soul clings to You... my soul thirsts for You [Ps. 62, 9, 1]. When someone offends you, do not be offended or upset with him; when someone does not submit, do not take revenge on him, but betray him to the will of God. Do not avenge yourselves, beloved, but give room to the wrath of God. For it is written: Vengeance is Mine, I will repay, says the Lord [Rom. 12, 19]. And we often wish that fire would come down from heaven and consume our opponents, not knowing what kind of spirit we are [Lk. 9, 55], and that the Son of Man came not to destroy the souls of men, but to save [Lk. 9, 56]. (During the wedding, I was very upset with my sexton, who disobeyed me by going to Kazakov to tell him about canceling the prayer service. Then I remembered how often I myself disobey the Lord.) Blessed are those who mourn [Matt. 5, 4]. Who are these crying people? This is you, who walked the narrow and sorrowful path and followed Christ by faith. It is you, persecuted by ethereal enemies and constantly suffering from a cold from them; you, who constantly struggle with the delusion of sin, with various passions: malice, envy, greed, stinginess, love of money, lust, inertia, laziness, weakness and other sins. Why do I please these well-fed people - merchants or generals? What, do they mean more before God than ordinary, humble, poor, poor people? Why am I afraid of them? Why do I lose heart before them, become dumb when I need to speak? Why am I servile and servile? Speak urgently (about tobacco). What is this? Why was it invented? Look at your daily relationships with people - are they imbued with love, respect, humility, sincerity, forbearance, sympathy, compassion, mercy, peacefulness, goodwill? Notice how you treat everyone with whom you always live (at home or at school, in your presence, in your apartment) and with whom you meet through work and other circumstances. Are you doing as you would like others to do to you? What you don’t want for yourself, don’t you do for others? The enemy incites you to be angry with your brother, the reader Nicholas. Do not trust the enemy, but love your brother, forbearing with him in his weaknesses; if he resists you, then his enemy teaches him this too - take pity on him, pray for him and submit to God Himself to correct him or take revenge on him, but don’t be embittered at him, don’t follow the enemy’s slander, don’t be a slave to him, the enemy. He attracts your heart to anger, but you overcome the attraction and dominate over it and over all the passions instilled by the enemy: despondency, annoyance, zeal, revenge, etc. Just as Christ clothes those who believe in Him and those who love Him, namely: meekness, humility and gentleness, purity, self-control, obedience, patience, goodness, mercy, peace, joy, lightness - so the devil uses all measures, all his cunning and strength, the subtlety and simplicity of his spiritual nature to clothe his slaves in pride, anger and irritability, vindictiveness, greed for carnal or sensual pleasures, for gluttony, drunkenness, for uncleanness, for foul and lustful thoughts and lusts, for evil and blasphemous thoughts, for impatience, disobedience and waywardness and stubbornness, for hardness of heart, embarrassment, sorrow, oppression and unbearable hardship. I thank the Lord, who has strengthened me this day to perform the conciliar liturgy without stumbling, at which I presided, and to read the prayer of permission loudly, with boldness; I thank the Lord, who has made me worthy to receive communion without condemnation, into the peace of my spiritual strength. I thank the Lord, who gave me a fiery prayer during the all-night vigil on the day of the Kazan Icon of the Most Holy Theotokos - a prayer filled with lofty contemplation, tenderness, tears, and spiritual delight. But the upsetting devil at the very end upset me with doubt and reticence of words through the prayers of our Most Pure Lady Theotokos and with doubt and fear of saying words of forgiveness to those who were present: Forgive me, brothers, sisters and children, a sinner... etc. Oh, how the adversary hurt me, and for how long! I prayed a lot and still did not receive forgiveness, as if I had lost great grace, which I should have carefully preserved. From now on we must boldly say forgiveness and dismissal. How good it is to defeat the machinations of the enemy in the fortress of the Lord! What peace, what illumination, what spiritual sweetness, what fire of the Spirit! Glory to the Life-giving Mysteries of the Lord, who work in me great miracles of mercy, purification, sanctification, enlightenment, renewal, boldness, strength, affirmation and salvation! Be within yourself, in your nest, that is, your heart, and do not let the murderous enemy into it; be at peace within yourself and be wise within yourself. One thing: either to unite with a creature, or with the Creator - but to unite with a creature apart from the Creator, by Whom every creature lives, is unnatural and disastrous, but with the Creator it is supernatural, life-giving, peaceful, delightful. He will gather the wheat into His granary (those who bore good fruits of teaching and living a virtuous life), but He will burn the chaff (of sinners) with unquenchable fire [Lk. 3, 17]. In a speech at a gymnasium act. What does the prayer “Save, O Lord, Thy people” testify to? That the entire heavenly Church, starting with the Blessed Virgin Mary, constantly prays for us. By frequent use of the short prayer, Lord, have mercy, the Church wants to instill in her children a just and necessary sense of their sinfulness and eternal guilt before God, a feeling of deep humility and constant repentance for sins. Woe, if a person does not recognize and does not feel his sinfulness, then he comes into the depths of evil and drinks iniquity like water [Job. 15, 16]. Pray sincerely, more heartily, when the evil one tempts you with vain fear, and fear will run away from you. It takes a lot of spiritual work, preliminary prayer, fasting, contemplation in order to sincerely and firmly perform prayer in the presence of eminent people, little acquaintances, few believers, in order to penetrate these masses, these souls hardened in worldly passions! But do not be discouraged, servant of God, if you have to endure strong mental struggle before and during prayer with such people, become troubled in spirit, become somewhat numb and miss the words of prayer unspoken. The power of the Lord is made perfect in weakness [2 Cor. 12, 9 ]; when the enemy greatly mischiefs you, then the Lord does His work in the hearts of men and laughs at the machinations of the enemy, and meanwhile your powerlessness serves to your admonition, humility, abstinence, denial of yourself and trust in the power of God, which is perfected in weakness. I did not revive anyone today with my prayer, because I myself was not revived, I was in confusion of heart, frenzy, and fear, whereas I could have revived and conquered everyone. The reason for the relaxation was drinking a lot of tea the day before and the rainy weather. I was overwhelmed by the rude elements which I had drunk so diligently the day before and which had so richly infused the atmosphere. Why do I perform prayers and Sacraments boldly and unfailingly before the simple or in the presence of ordinary people and timidly, fearfully, stumblingly in the presence of scientists and officials, especially tinsel people? d Why do I doubt the truth of some expressions of prayer in their presence and not doubt in the presence of simple ones? Why should I be afraid of scientists and nobles, who for the most part do not have spiritual wisdom, and if they do, then they completely sympathize with all our prayers? I am ashamed of the words of the Lord and the words of the Mother of the Church, which is one with Him; I am afraid to humiliate church prayers, which are not at all afraid of my humiliation, because all centuries have respected it. I have false shame and fear, which turns on my own head. ([...]. If I speak in the tongues of men and angels... [1 Cor. 13:1]). Pastor Bosse spoke about the need to multiply schools in Kronstadt, expressed the idea that in Kronstadt one and a half thousand boys remain without education and that they all need to be taught. Fair! But how to do this and to whom? - To the priests. Do not like reproof - and your pride will remain with you and you will not be healed. You, who love gaiety and luxurious food and drink, remember this while you are having fun and eating and drinking sweetly - that in the same city with you, and sometimes, perhaps, under the same roof, there lives blatant, bitter, pitiful poverty: a widow mother with several children, whose heart aches every day for herself and for her little children, because she does not know what to feed them today, how to clothe them and shelter them from the coming or already cold, and if you are good Christians, then try to find this poor family and give them some part of your excesses, comfort them, have pity on them, cry with them, according to the word of the Apostle and according to the duty of Christian love - to cry with those who cry [Rom. 12, 15], let the Lord comfort you and have mercy, for blessed are the merciful, for they will receive mercy [Matt. 5, 7]. The demonic storms that come upon us are allowed by God to bring about our humility and purification, so that we do not think much about ourselves and are not wise about ourselves, but, like children, surrender ourselves to the guidance of God and His Church. Thus, for doubting any words of church prayers, for disparaging them, for thinking that they are inappropriate in prayer or untrue and that they could be released, we ourselves are humiliated by God, put to shame, deprived of words, and the tongue sticks to the larynx, and the heart is struck with demonic fear, and it serves us right: this is because of our selfishness or vanity. Be convinced of the truth of what is written and handed down by the Church - and you will not be put to shame; reject your carnal mind, your vain wisdom. Do not offend the Spirit of Truth, who lived and spoke in the fathers. Wonderful is the mystery of baptism! At one o'clock - what am I saying? - in one minute God brings a sinner to the rank of son of God, heir of God and joint heir of Christ. Oh, how important this is, how invaluable! How skillfully one must use this high advantage! We are surprised at some lucky person that he is soon promoted to colonel, general, or some other rank, or that such and such received a rich inheritance, and the like. But what could be greater and more amazing and, so to speak, more enviable than the fate of a person whom God adopts as His son, His inheritance, He gives His entire inheritance to him, making him a full participant in His Heavenly Kingdom? O Christians, brothers! And we value this advantage least of all in this world, and we chase God knows what advantages and live God knows how and for what and where we are preparing. What can we say about the mystery of Communion? Oh, the mind is perplexed to adequately appreciate the greatness and good consequences of this Mystery! Equal to the sand of the song, if we bring it to Ti, the Holy King, we do nothing worthy of what he gave us 88. A person is adored through the communion of the Body and Blood of Christ, one becomes one with Christ; Cherubim and Seraphim look with reverence at a Christian, a communicant of the Holy Mysteries. How do we value the Holy Mysteries? How often do we start, and how do we start? How do we keep accepted Secrets? Do we take the trouble to think about what we accepted, why, and how to relate to the King of Glory who entered into us, who deigned to make us His churches! My conversation with Father Gabriel Rambovsky 89 (Lyubimov) about the white and monastic clergy (about the material, predominant), about our scientists, about military ranks, about the fact that they do not bring benefit to the Russian people, and about others; about gymnasiums and universities, how useless they are for the Russian people. The nobility, he said, does not believe in anything: they are gods and kings for themselves, they do not know life in its present form - do not spare them, do not servile: they are enemies of God, thieves. Avoid eating black bread at night, especially with fish or meat. Milk with white bread on fasting days, and on fasting days - tea with wine and a bun. How many times I can’t sleep at night, having eaten black bread, cabbage soup, especially meat since the evening, and I continue to eat dinner, be greedy, and indulge in voluptuousness! Meat is the poison of lust, its power is striking. The priest should not know meat. It is very useful to eat apples before lunch or dinner. Eating a little a day is very, very beneficial for the soul and body. Eat less butter, and milk too: they cause mucus. You shouldn't eat green cheese: it makes your teeth hurt. Mushrooms are a good thing (fried in lean oil with potatoes). [...]. A bun in almond milk with raspberry jam is both easy and pleasant. Eat as little white bread, especially pies, as possible: they make you stronger and cause toothache; tea Don’t eat meat at all, eat very little in general, once a day (lunch) or in the evening a little roll, and that’s it. From excess there is a great itch at night, preventing sleep. Be extremely careful about eating too much - your own feeling will tell you whether you should eat or drink or not. Just be sincere with yourself. Delicious food gives a false appetite. Potatoes are very harmful for me: it creates terrible cramped conditions and despondency. Eating soft black bread at night is very harmful - it makes you feel cramped in the morning, exhausting your soul and body. However, I ate quite a lot of it. Before strangers - the higher and rich, scientists - he is cowardly, timid, servile; before the inferiors, the poor, his own - willful, proud, capricious, angry. With strangers he is affectionate, with his own people he is rude; Only by sincere piety and meekness, by helpfulness I am overcome and mutually become pious and meek. Pay attention: the poor, when they go for alms, work not less than you, but more; You know how difficult it is for a poor man to ask, how much he has to go and ask a lot, and how little they give because of the multitude of beggars. Therefore, do not despise or offend the poor, but give to them with good will, in meekness of heart. God will reward you for this. By confessing spiritual children, we are doing the work of reconciling people with God, who has placed in us the word of reconciliation. Those in authority are not terrible for good deeds [Rom. 13, 3]. Why are you afraid of them during worship? Isn't it reckless? Why do you doubt prayers? Little faith! It is ten times better to give significant alms than to be angry or angry over money, for sin is not repaid and its consequences for the soul are all-destructive. As we anger our Lord with our rage, corrupting His image in us and seething with anger and malice at those created in the image and likeness of God, at His children and together at Himself, Who is self-existent Goodness and endlessly averts malice! Oh, how we have learned evil and become accustomed to it. How many times do we rage and get angry! We repent of our anger, receive forgiveness from the merciful Lord, and again we become angry again, sometimes a minute after repentance and pardon, and add wounds to wounds, and all because of self-interest, because of money, because of sweets, because of clothes, because of honor. Oh, the endless mercy of God! How have you not yet become exhausted, enduring our malice, our untruths, our pride, our envy, our addiction to things! Well, how can you be angry at these gentle lambs - beggars worthy of all compassion? How crazy, blind, self-loving, pampered, proud we are... For a long time the poor have been complaining to God about us: Have mercy on us, Lord, have mercy on us, for we are filled enough with contempt; Our soul is quite filled with reproach from the arrogant and humiliation from the proud [Ps. 122, 3 – 4]. Lamb of God, take away the sins of the world, meek and gentle, I have sinned very, very much before You, who laid down Your soul for us. But have mercy on us, have immeasurable mercy! Until now, like a foolish child, I am carried away by my appetite and eat greedily, despite the serious consequences - pain in the lower back, hardening of the heart and physical weakness. Eat raw fruits. From now on, I can only maintain my health through extreme caution and moderation in food and drink. Do not eat fatty foods; don't eat meat. It's bad after that. Don’t eat cheese at night: I had a very bad night’s sleep from it on the night of May 14-15. Probably also from the tobacco-smoked air in the gymnasium hall and partly from the fact that I slept at home from 4 to 5 and a half hours in the afternoon. So, don't eat cheese. Drink less tea, especially hot tea. Eat as little potatoes as possible. It is very bad to drink beer with cream or milk (though it has been tested three times): it is harmful to health. It’s better to stick to tea, just drink a little – two glasses. Meat is very hard on the heart; don't eat it: it's easy to do without it. There is no benefit from smoking tobacco, but the harm is great: the nerves weaken, and the soul is entangled in the enemy’s nets - for the enemy enters our heart through every excess and through every whim. In tobacco there is fornication, carnal inflammation. Is our flesh still inflamed by sin? Meat cabbage soup, a glass of Bavarian beer and sour milk with sour cream during lunch are healthy things, especially if you get enough sleep after lunch, and after sleep drink tea with cream and some coffee. After just such food and routine, I felt very good and performed the service cheerfully. May 20, 1868. Whit Monday. What about the all-night vigil? Tea with sherry is good, quite healthy, but without wine it’s empty water without any nutritional value or strength. After tea with sherry, a roll and cheese, I slept very peacefully, woke up and got up easily, prayed easily. He served Matins firmly, with a clear and even voice. The decline in nerves is not noticeable. Don’t drink milk during fasting – it makes it very difficult. Pies are terribly unhealthy for me, especially with rice and fish and vegetable oil. Strawberry jam goes well with tea. Buy. Bitter vodka in moderation is a good thing. During Lent, it is good to eat dried white fish with vinegar and pepper and then drink a glass of cold water with sugar and lemon; don't drink wine. I, in my scrofulous thinness, need to eat fast food - eggs, milk, steak, and avoid flour and fish dishes. On the 12th of June, Wednesday and during Peter's Fast, I ate two eggs unnecessarily - I repent of this to the Lord. Women up to now are the same Eva the temptress. Take red port in rubles from Dmitriev for consumption: good, healthy and pleasant wine. Sour milk is hard on the heart, especially with beer. Jelly is sweet for the flesh - worse than milk, as it excites lust. On the day of the Beheading of St. John the Baptist in the evening at 9 o’clock, for the sake of weakness, I drank tea with cream. I have sinned against the Lord! For cleanliness and tidiness you need... No need to braid your hair: that's crazy. The burden is great at night; there are grave temptations in the heart. Insomnia. But this is from dinner. There is no need to have dinner at night, especially meat and bread and butter. After eating and drinking somewhere at a party, there is no need to eat or drink at home. This is extremely harmful to the soul and body. Drinking a lot of tea is very harmful: tea is too heavy on the heart. It's crazy to want to eat more. Does our flesh require much? Very little. We must be content with little. I faced many temptations during Matins on February 8 because in the evening I drank tea twice and had two snacks - in one place rolls with tea, in another - fresh boiled whitefish with a roll. You don't need to eat mustard. Gogol-mogol should not be eaten either during the Lenten season or during the fasting season: it gives rise to fornication and clogs the chest and throat. Eat lean food. What a stench emit from bodies fed on fish, meat, milk, eggs, and how deprived of this stench are the bodies of fasting people who eat only plant foods! Fish, and especially smoked fish, makes a person coarse, older, and weaker. Experience. Rice porridge with Provencal oil is a healthy and light food. Tea with sherry after porridge. Ham, veal, cream, beer, eggs, tea and lemon mixed together cause indigestion, nausea and vomiting. This happened to me on the fourth day of Easter in the morning. It is very bad to eat light wheat crackers at night without drinking tea or wine. Lenten salad is good to eat. It is useful to drink soft-boiled eggs and then sweet tea. Meat pies are good to eat, healthy: just nothing else except cabbage soup and maybe milk without black bread. You can’t eat pies alone: ​​it’s better to eat some black bread, which contains acid. Teach me, Lord, to abstain from fish foods during fasting times, and when meat-eaters, to avoid meat foods. Truly, from meat and fish the spirit and body become coarser, and the fornication of the flesh multiplies. The trouble I get from eating fish with sieve bread and a glass of vodka is that I become decidedly unwell, my stomach and insides become clogged, I can neither sing nor read. Don't eat in future. My family, my wife’s relatives, like my wife herself, have done and do more good to me than anyone else; from their family, the most faithful and tender friend was given to me by God, a field for saving, life-giving activities, abundant means of living, a wonderful apartment - for all this was deserved by their father, the late Father Konstantin. Therefore, I must take care of this family related to me in every possible way, just as they take care of me, and endure their weaknesses patiently, meekly, generously, humbly, and not rule over them. Because of what trifles - namely because of food, drink, money - we harbor strong enmity against our neighbor! (For Serebryan, remove the particles). Dear brother Fyodor Karlovich! We have gathered today for bread and salt to say our last farewell to you and express our sincere gratitude to you. We'll say sorry later, and now accept the expression of our feelings. You are German, but among us and the students you were like a Russian in soul and heart: you were kind, open, simple-hearted, as if you had grown up with us, like our old comrade. Such qualities made you a kind comrade, interlocutor, even friend. In the pedagogical council you were a man of advice and action; your speech, direct, firm and intelligent, was listened to and received with respect; among your students you always appeared to be a wisely strict, fatherly and merciful man, ordinis, toˆeos; (that is, decent, straightforward), and the students respected and loved you as a Russian, as a true inspector. You strictly monitored the fulfillment of your disciples’ duties regarding home and public prayer and regarding the daily reading of the Gospel - this book of books that makes us truly enlightened people and true Christians, which unites the entire human race into a single family, or calls everyone to unity, as descended from the same blood. Therefore, from the friendly, uniform, reasonable actions of Mr. Director and yours and mentors, how much depended on them in the matter of education, the spirit of the students of [our] gymnasium, by the grace of God, is the spirit of a truly Christian educational institution; The disciples are distinguished by piety, meekness, obedience, reverence, diligence, and development. This is the grace of the generously gifted God, this is the mercy of God, this is a wonderful deposit of the future. May God grant that this spirit will continue to be maintained; We hope that your successor will also conduct education in this spirit. This is the strongest foundation of the gymnasium, a guarantee for all-round success. Now you will soon leave us - we let you go in peace, we greet you with all our good wishes, may the Lord prolong your days, may He increase your educational wisdom, may He enable you to raise your many children in Christian piety, and may He grant you the privilege of seeing children from all your children. Then we will say to you: forgive me, dear Fyodor Karlovich, and do not forget us, at least occasionally visit us, your old friends. Ask for essay notes. On fasting days, prepare a table of salted fish: cod or herring, fresh fish soup. And drink tea with cream, for the sake of my infirmities. (Milk, no eggs needed.) Forgive me, Lord, the word of malice and envy against my father (Protopresbyter Paul), may my word not reach him. I never drink tea in the morning, because drinking tea in the morning is not necessary at all, and is useless, and harmful to the body and soul; and also not to eat in the morning. Why did I drink coffee and tea this morning when I promised not to drink? A madman, fickle, without firmness. Why do I eat at night when it is very harmful for me? Everything that I have is not mine, but God’s: and therefore I should not at all feel sorry for any of the things of my neighbor, but only feel sorry for my neighbor: from the pure heart, love one another diligently [1 Pet. 1, 22]. If someone offends me, he does this by teaching and violence from the devil and does not deserve for me to be angry or embittered with him: the devil is to blame, and man is weak. Either scrofula will spread throughout the body, then it will concentrate. The trouble is all over the body: when you concentrate, it’s easier - then it’s close to the end. Arrange readings of the Old and New Testaments in some hall on certain days, especially during Lent. Introduce the prophets. The fire in Kronstadt seemed to be a matter [...]: suddenly some drunk woman appeared, asked for help, and meanwhile she was looking out for a better place to set the fire, and so she set fire to [K.]’s house and at the Lutheran church. And I also gave her a ruble! Metropolitan Innocent. Tolstoy. Filaret 90. In the Britnev baths there is disgusting water, unclean. It causes a terrible shock. Go to the head of Philip Stepanov, taking your two books - Conversations and St. Euthymius, and remind him of the pectoral cross. The director punished me for being a few minutes late to class due to church service or not being able to be in class at all, and for the disturbances caused by the students in my absence. Who oversees the teaching of God's Law? - The director or inspector himself, and not tutors or teachers of other subjects or any of the teachers of law. Teachers and tutors exceed their positions, meddle in things other than their own, peep, serve, and gossip. Canon of tenderness to our Lord Jesus Christ, hymn 9: From Adam, my Jesus, all who have sinned, before the law and in the law, Jesus, and accursed by the law, and by grace, my Jesus, have overcome the accursed passions: but You, my Jesus, save me with Your destinies. Akathist to the Most Holy Theotokos, kontakion 11. Rambov is the common name for the city of Oranienbaum (now the city of Lomonosov). Saint Innocent (Veniaminov) took the Moscow see after the death of Saint Philaret (Drozdov; † November 20, 1867). At this time, Count Tolstoy became the chief prosecutor of the Holy Synod. You might be interested in: