Январь 1879 года

January 1st. New Year. Truly grant me a new heart, a new spirit, Lord! I thank the Lord for the good service of the grace of His five all-night vigils (four in houses and one in the Assumption Church) and for the repeated removal from my soul and from all my insides of sinful corruptions, with which the bodiless enemy tried to weaken, confuse, oppress and shame me. We all consider self-interest in this world to be what is pleasant to the eyes, sweet to the larynx, pleasant to the touch, what gives us the opportunity to live in the world luxuriously, in contentment, in joy, without any need; We yearn for all this and because of the loss of earthly goods we worry and cry; I say, we consider everything to be self-interest, except the Lord, who alone is the greatest self-interest, incorruptible, eternal, from whom is all wealth, all beauty, all sweetness, from whom life, peace, breadth and joy of our hearts, light, strength, beauty - We will seek Him first of all, so that we can always possess Him, put on Him, be adorned with Him, be enlightened, be warmed, be enlivened, strengthened, sanctified, exalted, nevertheless consider perishable things as rubbish, as children's toys, not deserving of our attention, for we strive for the heavenly fatherland and for imperishable blessings. Again and again the Lord adds His generosity to me to help the poor: today Ivan Stepanovich gave me twenty-five rubles for the poor, and I give without regret. I thank the Lord, who showed me His indescribable goodness during the service of the memorial service for Theodota, the choirmaster of the Assumption Church; Before the funeral service, I was in severe embarrassment due to the grief of my wife and my grief at her, in the devil’s action, in shame, distress, in death. I prayed to the Lord in repentance, and the Lord gave me the strength and boldness to perform the funeral service without stumbling. Walking from the funeral service, I felt again in cramped conditions, sorrow, misfortune, shame, death; I went to church and repented, and the enemy pressed and tormented me in church, too, although he retreated somewhat from me due to the power of prayer, but still continued to press me throughout the mass: I shrank, struggled in bonds, fought back, but the bonds were strong because of my addictions and because of internal, physical weakness; The enemy drove all of me into despair, cooled me to prayer and sacred rites, tied my heart and tongue, did not allow me to pronounce the words of the mysterious sacred rite. But after receiving communion, I was miraculously revived by the Holy Mysteries and rejoiced, and I said the sermon and dismissed all, and the whole pulpit, and served the prayer service well. God bless! I thank the Lord, who wonderfully changed the heart of my wife, with whom I quarreled before mass and because of whom I suffered so much. She was very affectionate, unusually. January 2. Tuesday. I thank the Lord, who made me worthy to perform the funeral liturgy without stumbling in the Duma Assumption Church and the funeral service for sub-regent Feodor Kuznetsov. I thank the Lord for the communion of the Holy Mysteries, which was not condemned by His grace. I thank the Lord, who delivered me from the oppression of sin on my way to Alexander Moiseevich Fedorov and who gave me peace, freedom, and boldness when I sincerely repented of my sins: grief at the poor, hardness of heart and stinginess. January 3. Having visited officer Alexander Moiseevich Fedorov yesterday, I read for a long time the word of our venerable father Simeon, the New Theologian 45 about creation, the fall of man, temptation, the bosom of Abraham, and so on. A most excellent word. While reading it, an unclean demon confused me with an unclean thought, and I avoided it, remembering the high purpose of a woman. January 4. I thank and extol the Lord, the many-merciful, well-disciplined, benevolent and beneficent, who surprised me yesterday with His ineffable mercy before Vespers and partly during it, when I, burdened and killed by my iniquities - anger at the poor and rage and burning inside from the fire of hell, turned to Him with sincere repentance and was soon pardoned, pacified, distributed to heart. Another time, after Vespers, I again became very angry with the beggars, and again fire and oppression killed my soul, depriving me of peace, freedom and boldness; I walked and repented, and in the apartment of Yakov Apollonovich Hildebrandt 178 I fell before the image of the Savior, and immediately the bonds of death fell from me, I came to life by His grace. Glory to the Lord! I rejoice in His salvation! I'm crying about my wickedness. Four o'clock in the evening. I thank the Lord with all my heart for His great mercy shown to me in the forgiveness of my cruel sins regarding the beggars who [begged] me for alms on the way to Golubev’s house in the swamp. I sincerely condemned myself, repented of my anger, severity and cruelty towards the poor in the apartment of the widow Anna Gerasimovna in the presence of many other women, and the Lord absolved me of my sins, giving me peace, freedom, boldness, deliverance from fire and cramped conditions. Glory to the Lord, and for me, accustomed to anger and malice, shame on my face! January 5th. Morning. I thank the Lord, who delivered me for repentance from the great sorrow and distress that befell me for my malice against the poor. What I did badly was that in the evening I ate meat and soup with rotten rice: this food had an extremely bad effect on my nerves at night. I couldn't sleep since four o'clock. In the future, I will never eat meat or soup at night: too much only relaxes and kills the body. What must the poor children Rufina and Liza endure because my wife feeds them every evening, morning and afternoon with rotted tea, coffee and soups? The effect is the same on me and on them. Unreasonable, stupid education regarding food and drink; This is not education, but feeding calves for slaughter. That is why they will not live long, but will soon wither. 6. I praise and extol the Lord with unworthy lips, from an unworthy heart, for the immeasurable mercies that the Lord showed me yesterday during Vespers and the Liturgy of St. Basil the Great, also for the All-Night Vigil and today for the Liturgy, in warming my cold heart and in cleansing it with His grace and in delivering me from the devil’s abominations, the violence of unclean demons, and from the mortification of the spirit. I thank the Lord for the sweet revival of the most pure and life-giving Mysteries yesterday and today, especially today. I thank the Lord for the gift of mental and physical health, as the fruit of holy communion. 7. There are many seeds of sin in me, often growing into destructive thorns. Temptations reveal these seeds of death in me. I thank the Lord for temptations. I thank the Lord, who delivered me last night from the consequences of anger and severity towards the poor through the prayer of my repentance. I thank the Lord, who saves me from my countless corruptions through sin and gives me, in His mercy, for a small repentance, for small tears, again incorruptibility, peace and great mercy. Nine o'clock in the evening. I thank the Lord, who had mercy on me, a great sinner, with His greatest mercy for my repentance in severity and obstinacy towards the poor and in the stinginess of giving alms. I was in extreme cramped conditions, the burning of hell, in internal shame and dishonor, but I cried out to the Lord in repentance for mercy and received peace, silence, freedom, and boldness. I thank the Lord. The first experience of God’s mercy towards me was in my apartment, when a woman came with a sick baby, the second was in Mikhail Korshunov’s apartment before the prayer service and betrothal of his daughter. However, today there were many other cases of God’s wondrous intercession and deliverance. January 8. Monday. Oh, the wealth of Thy goodness, mercy and bounty, O Lord, shown to me unworthy every day in the gift of repentance, mercy, forgiveness, cleansing, sanctification, peace, freedom, boldness, strength! If it weren’t for Your goodness, Your good obedience and hasty obedience, when I, having sinned gravely, repent before You many times every day, because I sin gravely many times, then I would have perished long ago with my sins - they are so great, heavy, soul-destructive and corporeal, all-pervading, all-destructive! But Your immeasurable mercies save me every day. I thank You, I praise You, I exalt You, Lord! Again, the all-generous and philanthropic God surprised me with His mercy when sorrow and distress overtook me for my severity and obstinacy towards the poor who had gathered at the church fence to ask for alms from me, and when in tears of repentance I asked the Lord for forgiveness. I thank the Lord, who has graciously granted me remission, forgiveness, peace and freedom. Oh, my infidelity! Oh, ingratitude! Oh, love of money! Oh, greed! Oh, envy! Oh, malice! I sinned before God - I was extremely indignant at my nephew Ivan Fidelin for his disorder, partly caused by the analysis of my library; he lost the lesson schedule sheets I needed and left the unbound books in disarray. Nine and a half o'clock in the evening. I thank the Lord, who quickly, sovereignly, and graciously saved me from the sorrow and distress that befell me for my severity and cruelty towards the poor after Vespers. Salvation took place before the prayer service in the apartment of Ivan Ivanovich Kovrigin through my prayer of repentance. Glory to our God forever and ever. I thank the Lord, who saved me through the prayer of repentance from the prodigal poison of the demon, which influenced my soul after looking at a photographic card, which, by the way, depicted a naked woman. So, my Lord, Lord, You beautifully created man - husband and wife, unblemished, wisely, graciously, and you planted all his needs, everything for important needs, for the good and benefit, and not for sin and not to the detriment of man. Already man abuses his members through foolishness or habit to sin, according to teaching from the devil, perverting his [God-made] nature. Artillery Colonel Ivanov asked to diligently come to him on the holidays of Christmas, Epiphany, and Easter with a cross to glorify Christ God. The brethren, except for Father Alexander, work very little and receive a large reward, far from being according to their labors, especially the rector, then the junior priest Peter Klepachevsky, Deacon Sofronov. Therefore, as the one who works the most, I have the right to use part of my income for the poor, so that our income may be sanctified and doubled, tripled, and multiplied tenfold for the sake of giving to the poor: what we have received from the Lord, we will give it to the Lord in the presence of the poor. 9 . Learn to love Christ God in His members, in your neighbors, in the poor, the sick, the unfortunate, in your enemies. I thank the Lord, who has vouchsafed me today to celebrate the Liturgy with some tenderness and to partake of His life-giving, most pure Mysteries. (The liturgy was from Pavel Stepanovich Burachk.) I thank the Lord, who, after a fervent prayer of repentance, delivered me from the severe sorrow and distress that righteously befell me for my severity and stinginess towards the poor who chased me all the way (I went to the gymnasium): I prayed and prayed in the first grade of the gymnasium, and the Lord honored me, unworthy, with mercy, peace and freedom. I thank the Lord, who has also poured out His new mercy on me in the forgiveness of my sins - indignation and bitterness towards the poor, stinginess and love of money, and my friendship with the many-passionate flesh. This was when I was going to Vespers and when I then left the church (on my way to the church service). Then I ran away from two beggars so as not to give them money. It was bitterly cold, with a northeast wind. Ten o'clock in the evening. I thank the Lord for my great deliverance from the great sorrow and distress of soul and body that befell me righteously for not giving enough alms to two poor people who came to me at ten o’clock in the evening. For a whole hour I languished in oppression and repented, praying, and the Lord had mercy, forgave, renewed, pacified, freed me from the bonds of sin, and expanded my heart! Glory to the miracle of God! I thank the Lord, who saved me with His cross (the sign of the cross) last night from fornication in a dream and kept me incorruptible, as in the nights past. Great is the power of the cross! Glory to Him crucified on him! After Matins. Twice the Lord saved me during Matins through the prayer of my repentance from sorrow and distress, these forerunners of eternal sorrow and torment after death in hell for those who do not repent of their sins here and do not recover from them. This grief and distress befell me because of the neglect and severity towards the beggars who met me in the dark, numbering twenty-six people, when I was walking to Matins; I provided them all with two and a half kopecks, and two with five kopecks, but not with zeal, not with meekness and willingness. Five and a half o'clock in the evening. I thank the Lord, who delivered me by His all-powerful power and mercy from the death of sin: from embarrassment, grief, cramped conditions, fear and dumbness of the tongue before the memorial service in Mr. Ukhov’s apartment for his deceased mother Eupraxia; troubles befell me because of contempt and hardness of heart towards the poor; then at the gymnasium in Switzerland, when I finally and fervently prayed before the icon of the Savior and the Mother of God for mercy (I also sinned by refusing to give alms to the poor until the third hour). The Lord accepted my repentance with His usual mercy and had mercy on me, giving me peace, freedom, and boldness. I praise the Lord, so merciful and merciful. 10. I thank the Lord for the great, all-merciful deliverance of me from the shame, spiritual powerlessness, sorrow and distress that befell me while serving an unworthy memorial service for the mother of Mr. Pyotr Aleksandrovich Ukhov in the house of N.G. Sidorov, where I, the prodigal, was confused by the presence in front of a young beautiful girl, and I spoke the litany with devilish fear and omissions from fear and confusion. Full of shame, I left the apartment and, walking along the road to Novaya Street, I kept repenting before the Lord, asking for deliverance and peace, and received deliverance, rose from the dead, and was renewed. 11. Yesterday was Wednesday, and I (as if) drank milk for my breasts at eleven and a half o'clock in the afternoon. Whim. 11. Five o'clock. I thank the Lord, who accepted my repentance for hard-heartedness towards the poor, for falling away from the spirit of love, who delivered me from cramped conditions and gave peace and space to my heart in the gymnasium. I thank the Lord, who made me worthy to celebrate the early liturgy on behalf of Lieutenant Colonel of the Artillery Alexander Petrovich Porta. I felt extreme corruption within myself from the fornication that happened in a dream and from yesterday’s drinking of porter (a whole bottle for three hours). The enemy tempted through callous, small prosphyras. But away from friendship to the flesh and to the belly! With grace I barely overcame sensuality, greed and anger at the prosper-maker Yaroslavtseva for her negligence. Received life-giving communion. I thank You, Lord, for the new mercy that was accomplished in my eyes as a result of my repentance for my grumbling, impatience, bitterness, condemnation, lust, love of money, negligence about the salvation of myself and others and the benefits of the poor. You have given me space instead of cramped conditions, peace instead of confusion, dew instead of hellish fire (thank God!), strength instead of weakness! I sinned extremely gravely before God by drinking a lot of porter yesterday at Lukin’s. This led to prodigal incitement. I shed many tears about my madness, about my greed, about separation from God. It is good that the Lord renewed me through the liturgy, through the communion of the life-giving Mysteries. I thank the Lord, who made Father Pavel Lamanov kind to me and a humble servant of God. 12. Foolish and extremely insane, I am still, at fifty years old, seduced by sweet foods and selected drinks, but what do they turn into in the stomach after eating them? Into the dirt, the stench, decay, heaviness. What a pitiful enslavement of the rational, immortal soul to a corruptible body! What an insult and humiliation to the image of God and God Himself! God! Although from now on let me love abstinence and avoid intemperance! Milk and seltzer water at night gave me a very lustful disposition. Leave it – don’t drink it at all at night. Six o'clock in the evening. I thank the Lord, who saved me through my intense prayer from the fierce charm of my heart, which overwhelmed me at the sight of the beauty of a wondrous maiden with inimitable grace. I glorified God, who created with wondrous beauty all creatures, and especially the crown of creation - the woman, who created wisely, unblemished, expediently, holyly, and I prayed to Him to grant me the grace to look at the girl with pure eyes, without any lust, as at the image of God. Otherwise, lust, like a cancer with pincers, squeezed my heart, infected it with a scorching poison, deprived it of peace and freedom. But the Lord gave me the cooling dew of His grace and took away my passion, although two hours later I looked at it with pleasure again. I thank the Lord, who has delivered me many times from the sorrow and distress that befell me for my severity and stinginess towards the poor. I received forgiveness and peace in the apartment of Nikolai M. Yatskevich, giving a prayer to the mother in labor, and in Ivanov’s house, on the corner of [Narvskaya] and Posadskaya [streets] before the funeral service. And now at home, the Lord delivered me from lust or not entirely pure vision of a beautiful girl. The Lord always saves me! How many sins I have! How many mercies of God! I'm afraid I might anger Him completely! I thank the Lord, who honored me with serving the liturgy together with Father Pavel Lamanov in the church of the training crew for the late Eupraxia Ukhova. I faced many temptations from the enemy during the liturgy, but by the grace of God I overcame them; received life-giving communion. During the funeral service of the latter, the exclamation was pronounced completely, firmly, sincerely; the first two with fear of the devil. Especially the first one. I thank the Lord, who delivered me from lustfully looking at a girl through the prayer of my repentance and self-condemnation. Carnal love is painful, deceiving, separating the soul from the love of God and from love for the soul of one’s neighbor, in general from true love for one’s neighbor; it confuses, binds a person, it is enmity towards God and neighbor, because it looks at him as the source of his sweetness, and not as a moral being, created in the image of God. 13. I thank the Lord, who has nourished me this day during the liturgy and after difficult purifying struggles with the passions of the flesh (greed and anger at the prospera maker). Oh, the absurdity of multi-passionate flesh! And all these passions - voluptuousness in sight, touch, taste, serve to corrupt the flesh and spirit, bring terrible misfortune to a person, alienate and separate him from God and His grace and from love for others. I, a priest, performing the Liturgy, in general all the Sacraments and services, must be all spiritual, dispassionate, holy, heavenly, fiery, as if conversing with God Himself, Who is Holy and Most Holy and is a consuming Fire [Heb. 12:29], must be kind, peaceful, patient, firm, unshakable, impartial and indifferent to everything earthly, covering sins with love, Misdeeds, faults, human weaknesses, like my countless and grave sins, the Lord covers and forgives me, the repentant, with love. Our Father, Who art in heaven we say - this means that we too must be heavenly on earth, love the heavenly fatherland and be impartial to the blessings of earthly wandering, to earthly sweets, beauties, honors, amusements, amusements (is it fun for a sinner?), to carnal beauty and tenderness, which soon fades and becomes pus and dust; We must place above all else concern for heavenly things, for the salvation of souls, healing them from passions and removing them from vices, for advancement in all virtue. 14. I thank the Lord, who granted me yesterday to celebrate the Sunday all-night vigil in the cathedral with tenderness, in grace, and who has repeatedly delivered me from the mire of sin, especially from absurd partiality; One very disgraceful young man approached the Gospel, and in my heart I despised and did not love him, but now, through the action of chastening grace, I woke up and repented, convincing myself to respect and love him, as he was created in the image and likeness of God like everyone else and can be better than others, observing the hedgehog in his image, as a member of Christ, as the temple of the Holy Spirit, the church of the living God, as a rational, free, immortal being in soul. I thank the grace that enlightens, mercifully and punishes and saves. I sent a letter to the Most Reverend Macarius of the Archangel 179 - and neither heard nor spirit, as it sank into the water: I don’t know whether I received it or not. Will a handwritten letter of two or three lines of gracious answer degrade the dignity of a bishop? I approach each day with a petition, as if with a letter from the heart, to the Lord Jesus Christ Himself, the King of kings and Bishop of bishops, and I constantly receive answers from Him Himself, full of ineffable mercy, therefore I do not lose hope that His servant, as a person overcome with infirmity, like me, will condescend to my baseness and give me an answer. I am sure, Your Eminence, that you, with your characteristic quietness and condescension, like the Apostle Paul, testified that he and his co-workers, although they could be in hardship, like the apostles of Christ, were quiet among the believers, as a milkmaid warms her children [1.2:7]; give me proof of your archpastoral quietness and meekness and the consolation of the one who expects from you, as an archpastor, consolation in a matter that is very close to me. Believe me, I would kiss the precious features of your archpastoral letter with love, as signs of your holiness, meekness and mercy. May our common grace of the priesthood, although the highest and most abundant in the bishop, instill in Your Eminence good feelings towards my humility, may it bring us closer together in spirit, for we are all members and brothers of Christ God, although unworthy, and may it instill in Your Eminence good feelings towards my humility. 14. Resurrection. Today I suffered greatly mentally and physically for my gluttony yesterday at Doctor Dobrokhotov’s (I drank almost involuntarily, without any need, two glasses of strong tea and a glass of cold beer, and a small glass of rum to warm up - I was shivering from the cold apartment), but at home I ate quite a lot of meat beyond the usual and drank milk and a little sherry. During mass, I was left to my weakness, my sins and passions, which tormented me like vampires; the grace of God left me, although not completely, otherwise I would have died from the temptations that flocked from everywhere. I repented, lamented, shifted, but there was nothing to do: I took up the tug, so don’t say that it’s not strong, but carry the yoke. However, the most merciful Lord repeatedly gave me relief for sincere repentance, and in communion he revived and renewed me. He spoke or read the word of St. Gregory the Theologian about love for the poor, fourteen pages. In the future, I must be extremely careful and abstain at all times, especially on holidays and Sundays: the devil, like a roaring lion, seeks to devour me. During the liturgy, when I should be all above, heavenly, spiritual, Belial strongly inclines me to earthly things through the extreme strengthening of my earthly passions, forcibly separates my soul from God and from the gospel, heavenly, spiritual, sincere love for my neighbors, makes me a self-image, looking only for my own (my own [1.13: 5]), corruptible, carnal, worldly, sinful. It was like this yesterday and before; So it was today at Matins: the prosphyra at the cathedral prosphyra was not to my liking and really embarrassed me. Is it necessary to think about bread while standing in heaven, at the throne of God? (Temptation in the wilderness of the Lord.) 15. I thank the Lord for the glorious salvation that was revealed to me today from the Lord through the prayer of my repentance (the prosphyras are supposedly bad) during Matins, when invisible enemies bypassed me [Ps. 118:11] and oppressed and burned me, and for the great peace and boldness given to me by the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ. Reading the canon delighted me. I thank the Lord, who saved me through the prayer of repentance at home after Matins, when I was in cramped conditions and sorrow: the Lord gave me peace and space, and I lay down in bed and fell asleep peacefully. I thank the Lord, who graciously delivered me from the greatest distress during mass, and precisely during the reading of the Gospel; then after the great entrance, at which the enemy overthrew me with cowardly fear; thank you for the life-giving communion of the Holy Mysteries. During the liturgy I felt my greatest corruption and the Lord’s greatest blessing to me in removing corruption and in renewing my entire being. Thank you for your great boldness in the service of Vespers and Compline. 16. The heart of the Lady Theotokos, Her most pure soul, is the sun of truth, for She is forever clothed in the Sun of truth - Christ. I don’t trust one bit of my evil, most vile, most disgusting heart: it is darkened by passions and constantly fools me; [forges] evil, unclean thoughts, then he will become embittered against someone because of some vain reason, then he will arouse inappropriate and indecent thoughts and feelings towards someone, deadening the soul, then he will faint and become dead from the emptiest fear where there is no fear, then he will be darkened with envy when I already have enough of all sorts of goods, then he is greedy, he is covetous, then he blasphemes, then he grumbles and is faint-hearted, now he is dumb, now he commits fornication (and this is most of all), now he is seditious and does not submit, now he swears, now he lies, now he is deceitful, now he is proud and exalted - I should not trust a foolish heart in anything when it is foolish, but when it is in the Holy Spirit and thinks of all things of God, holy, above, heavenly, then I will follow it in everything, for then the Spirit of God guides it. I thank the Lord with all my heart for my multiple salvation on this day, for raising me from death to life, for cleansing my sins and follies, for reviving me with the most pure Mysteries upon partaking of them! How many times have I fallen into the death of sin, into oppression, sorrow, and after heartfelt repentance the Lord mercifully saved me, revived me, renewed me, and expanded my heart. (Before mass, during mass, while reading the Gospel, after the great entrance, on the way to the gymnasium, before vespers, [...] in the house [M....] before the prayer service.) There is no limit to God’s blessings to me, a sinner! 17. I thank the Lord, who miraculously revived me through the communion of His Divine and most pure and life-giving Mysteries during the Liturgy and after it. Served the liturgy in the fight against temptations; the singers who came voluntarily sang very hastily, and I was indignant at them and felt hostility towards them. This feeling embarrassed me, oppressed me, and, overcome by this feeling at the end of the liturgy and during the memorial service and prayer services, I became cowardly and embarrassed, and during the memorial service, through sincere repentance and prayer, I received forgiveness from the Lord and peace in my soul. I realized the folly of my sin - hostility towards poorly [singing] singers, turned to leniency, simplicity, love, and the punishment of the Lord ended, I became peaceful. When I went out during mass with the Holy Gifts and the women brought their children for communion, then the enemy breathed into my proud, partial heart with coldness and disgust towards them and towards their mothers, for some bring them quite often. O pride, o contemplation, o envy! I often take communion myself, but I consider innocent children unworthy of communion! Ugly, unkempt children and their mothers don’t like them! Oh, the disposition of a pig, oh, the demonic! Oh, unclean, self-loving, carnal, passionate heart! When I came to Vasily Semyonovich Alexandrov in the evening and his children came out to me, I didn’t like others, not very beautiful ones either, and the devil breathed coldness, neglect and disgust into my heart, and I prayed internally to the Lord to have mercy and deliver me from such a wild, inhuman feeling! And the food and drinks on the table, I suppose, all seemed good and desirable. Oh me, meat, meat, fish, fish! Flesh, flesh, ice, ice! Corpse, corpse! Where is love for everyone without discrimination, without partiality? Where is the hot feeling of love, like fire? O fiery tongues of the Holy Spirit! Cleanse, remelt, warm our frozen hearts to unfeigned, holy, firm, constant, never-falling love! If God’s grace had not interceded and preserved me, then I, a sinner and many-passionate, prone to every sin, would have fallen not only in thought and feeling, but also in deed, into all sorts of sins: fornication, malice, envy, drunkenness, laziness, theft, murder. Glory to the grace of God! intervening, warning, saving, merciful and preserving! Glory to the Lady Theotokos, who keeps me in an immaculate life! Glory to the holy Guardian Angel, who constantly inspires me with all good things! Glory to this mentor of mine, given to me by God! Send some cloth to my nephew Andrey. 18. I thank the Lord, who has given me the grace to perform Matins with the greatest peace, boldness, sweetness and space of heart. Thursday. Service to the Apostles, St. Nicholas and the saints of the day, Athanasius and Cyril, Patriarchs of Alexandria. Yesterday at the end of mass, while saying the dismissal mass and requiem and while reading the Gospel at the prayer service and saying the dismissal prayer, I left out some words and names of the saints out of embarrassment or some kind of false shame and partiality (the pretty young lady Green stood behind in the church). So I seem to be afraid of the tinsel of officers and generals because of the work of the devil! What a delight! Also, I am also ashamed of the learned, rich and powerful of this world and seem to be afraid because of the cowardice brought upon me by the enemy because of my sins! And where am I ashamed and afraid? In the church, before the face of God, where one must fear one God. Oh, the absurdity! God! From now on, let my heart and my face be firm before all the people standing in Your church, not partial, not partial, so that I may see everyone in You as nothing, like grass, like a spider, like the dust of the earth. From Nikolin's day (December 6) until January 20, the frosts were the capital's - the frost sometimes reached twenty degrees according to Reaumur 180. Ten and a half o'clock in the evening. I was honored to receive a wondrous peace of spiritual strength today from the Lord after communion of the life-giving Mysteries, but before that I experienced a struggle with myself, with my corrupt nature. (I sinned before God with a prodigal movement of my heart.) And in all previous liturgies I was honored with the goodness of His same peace. Wonderful are Your life-giving Mysteries, O Lord! 19. I thank the Lord, who shook off the fierce despondency from my soul before mass, when I was saddened by the fact that my sister-in-law stayed with me for a long time and often and that there were so many beggars turning to me. I repented of cowardice, of lack of faith and placed all my hope in God - and received forgiveness. He served Mass well. Tears of tenderness. He received life-giving communion and gave communion to three female communicants. At the end of the mass and prayer service, cutting the prosphora for the one who ordered the prayer service, I hurried, became embarrassed and confused when saying the dismissal, without pronouncing the Holy Archangel Michael; The devil wounded me extremely strongly, I floundered for a long time, until the use of the Holy Gifts again calmed and revived me. God bless! I thank the Lord, who performed a great miracle of salvation in me in Maria Arsenyevna’s apartment before the all-night vigil for the Grechukhins, Yudenichs and Murashovas. I was very embarrassed, oppressed, killed by my sins, but, having repented on my knees before the Lord, I received forgiveness, mercy, peace and served the all-night vigil with feeling, peacefully, anointed. God bless! Oh, how dangerous and disastrous and desecrating is the play of the imagination, not restrained by the fear of God, the fear of His blessed, incorruptible commandments! Do not think evilly about women even for a single moment, otherwise in your heart you will be subject to corruption, confusion, attraction to sin, like a stormy stream, oppression, slavery, torment, alienation from God. And how many suffer today because of women! For so many women are idols. Others deliberately have images of naked women and, looking at them, become defiled and corrupted, becoming churches of the devil, the teacher and originator of all sin. January 21. You call God Lord and Master and the Most Holy Theotokos Lady, and you say well that that is what they are. But if God is Lord and Master and the Most Holy Theotokos - Lady and Lady, then may the Lord reign in your heart, in your thoughts and in your will, may the Lady reign in you in your humility, gentleness, meekness, purity and chastity, abstinence, devotion to God, in love for your neighbors. If you want to thoroughly and deeply study Christianity and the Orthodox faith and the Orthodox Church, read thoroughly all the liturgical books - you will learn from them all the holiness, truth, all the beauty, depth, Divine wisdom, saving power, life-giving, sweetness, strength, peace of Christ's faith, all the depth of the love of the Lord God for the human race, and without that you cannot know and love the Christian faith. Having read the liturgical books, you cannot help but fall in love with the Christian Orthodox faith, the Church, and Orthodox worship with all your soul. 21. Resurrection. God! I thank You with all my heart for Your greatest mercies poured out on me this day from the morning (all-night vigil, early mass in the Duma Church) until now, for deliverance before Matins from crampedness and sorrow, for tenderness during the Liturgy and for stumbling-free, victorious service, for the life-giving communion of the Holy Mysteries, for deliverance now (five o’clock in the evening) from tightness of heart before prayer for the sick to a woman, for deliverance from cramped conditions at two o’clock in the afternoon, when before that, while serving a prayer service in the newly opened tavern in the house of Karibanova, I stumbled several times, embarrassed by the devil due to my intemperance (a glass of beer at Matsygin Nikolai’s housewarming party) and was embarrassed and oppressed. I thank the Master of my Lord for his hasty obedience. 22. I thank the Lord, who turned the hostility of my heart towards my comrade Father Peter Klepachevsky for his inhospitability and ignorance in the church into friendship and gentleness during Matins and Vespers, and for conquering myself with the grace of God. I thank the Lord, who soon accepted my repentance of my inner adulterous feeling upon looking at a beautiful maiden and who soon crushed the networks of the enemy in me and gave me peace, freedom and healing at seven o’clock in the evening. How close the Lord is to me at all times! How benevolent and beneficial! Glory to the Lord! To preliminarily explain the service, talk about the worship of God in spirit and truth (rites are the outer shell of the spirit), about the heavenly and earthly Church and its mutual communication; about the necessary need and the greatest benefit of worship and attending it, the instructions on this from the Holy Scriptures (the pedagogical purpose of worship); about the venerability of the priesthood, about its high purpose: it serves renewal, salvation and immortality. 23. Morning. Seven and a half hours. After Matins. I thank my Lord with all my heart, who has now had mercy on me and healed the fierce heart ulcer from the sting of the spiritual serpent, which was inflamed because of my grief against the poor, who constantly beg for alms all the days, young people. I sincerely condemned myself in self-love, carnality, lust, lust, anger, rage, envy, pride, contempt, stinginess, love of money, severity, hardness of heart, obstinacy, for because of these and similar sins I reluctantly give alms. I thank the Lord, who turned the fire of hell, which burned painfully, into the dew of His life-giving grace. A cigar, when lit, is truly the devil’s thorn in the flesh; it relaxes the soul and body, bends the soul under the power of the multi-passionate flesh and, consequently, the devil. This is tried and true. Drinking coffee is harmful; I drank it this very minute and experienced it this very minute. Don't drink ahead. It causes a rush to the heart. Evening of January 23. Tuesday. I thank the Lord, who had the greatest mercy on me on the way to the gymnasium, when I was in great cramped conditions, sorrow, and a burning sensation in my sides, especially in my right side and in the depths of my stomach. For my whole-hearted repentance and all-powerful prayer, the Lord delivered me from all sins and from all tightness and burning, watering my soul with the dew of grace. And again the Lord delivered me from distress during Vespers. Try to carry high Christian ideas into the thoughts and hearts of believers, and not words, not letters, not just one lifeless form, for example, into the thoughts and hearts of students, because ideas are life-giving and immortal and are never forgotten, but words, letters, forms, for example, textbooks, sermons (French), are soon forgotten or sometimes become useless material that does not penetrate the heart, does not life-giving souls and hearts. 24. At night it was extremely difficult for me from the rush of prodigal and from delicacies, overeating (cabbage soup ate a lot of meat, chicken, drank a lot of sweet tea in the evening). Oh, intemperance! Oh, idolatry! When will I give up serving the idol - the womb and will serve the Lord God entirely?! Who will consider the Lord's mercy to me, mercy to all people? They have no number. One infinite Lord knows the infinite number of them. Without serving the Liturgy for three days and without communion of the Holy Mysteries, from gluttony and satiety during this time I felt in my soul extreme corruption and powerlessness, weakness, demonic adversity and, feeling my poverty, I served the entire mass in tears of heartfelt contrition. Woe to me without liturgy! Having received the Holy Mysteries, I was revived, resurrected from the dead, and renewed. But, having come home, I again could not resist food and drink at ten o’clock, ate black and white bread with butter and drank sweet tea (two glasses), then slept for an hour and a half until eleven and a half, and after sleep it was a little heavy and there was an extreme lustful burning in the loins - here are the fruits of delicacy and satiety! Oh, how I constantly anger the Lord! Do not cast me away, O Lord, from Your presence, from Your blessing, as Esau once did, for my intemperance. Why does the priest raise his hands before the throne during mass, before the great entrance? As a reminder and image of the prayer of the God-man in the Garden of Gethsemane, just before His betrayal by Judas. Great, wondrous, and effective was this prayer; it was brought for the whole world. For the sake of this prayer, have mercy on me too, Heavenly Father, Only Begotten Son and Holy Soul! Amen. Great and inexpressible are the mercies of the Lord towards me, for today (January 24) the Lord delivered me many times from spiritual death, from great oppression and sorrow: once when I was going to the gymnasium and I met [beggars] whom I refused, ordering them to come at three o’clock; another time - in the apartment of Nikolai Ivanovich Yatskevich before the christening; the third - before the wedding in the cathedral; the fourth - before the christening at Mr. Durkin's house in Zaitsev's house; the fifth - after the christening, when I was in extreme distress and sadness about the desecration of the devil over me during the christening at Durkin's (I did the denial and combination very badly). I did not do the most important act in the announcement - the negation and combination properly, but I was ashamed and afraid of the human face (Grigory Ivanovich, captain of the first rank). But we must daily deny Satan and all his works sincerely and firmly before all the powers of this world. Forward deliver, O God! To Marya Ivanovna, Trofim Ivanovich’s wife, at nine o’clock on Friday. I sinned before God, the Mother of God, the holy Angels and saints and all people in that I cruelly tore out the hair of one beggar, and pushed another strongly in the chest, so that his back was pushed into the fence. I condemn myself in this sincerely, with all my soul and with all my heart. I feel sorry mentally, I blame myself and I ask the Lord for mercy about my anger, my insolence and my hardness of heart. To renounce Satan and all his works and all his angels and all his service and all his pride 181 is an indispensable duty of every Christian every day, just as, having renounced Satan, to unite with Christ with all your heart, and to be ashamed of this deed is absurdity, madness, darkness, unbelief, enchantment from some other passion, for example, from anger, pride, covetousness, etc. Neither before which strong and rich scientists of this world should never be ashamed or abhor this negation and combination, but boldly and loudly pronounce questions or answers of negation and combination. So I, an unworthy priest, yesterday gravely sinned, being ashamed and afraid through the action of the devil to give questions of negation and combination to the brilliant military [naval] captain of the first rank Nikolai Grigorievich Zabudsky (by the way, due to an addiction to a white silk scarf) and out of confusion I missed and crushed the questions, so that through this I myself, as it were, combined with the enemy and denied my Christ, shame for the sake of vanity and for the sake of shiny decay and shiny rags. At Nikolai Grigoryevich Pavlov’s litany in Yakovlev’s house (after the baby), he was also embarrassed and did not pronounce the words of the litany because of regret about the red robe, burned in one place with coal, and was deprived of grace, peace and freedom. In general, addiction to anything tightly binds the soul, confuses it, and kills it. I have sinned before God! So, too, the pity of money when giving alms produces bitterness, rage and anger towards the poor. There is no need to spare money, but the poor and the poor, for whose share God, the most generous and generous, will always send, for he has wonderfully provided and always provides for them through me, sending me what is necessary for their share, sometimes very generously. Glory to His all-merciful Providence, and to me, stingy and cowardly, shame on my face! The Lord daily surprises me with His immeasurable mercy, forgiving my countless and serious sins for repentance and faith! I praise His mercy! I am in awe of His patience! When I give alms to the poor, let me be as the one who receives, and not as the giver, for I receive more from the Lord rewards for perishable alms, and not the beggar from me: this has always been so and I myself have experienced without number. But the devil spews his vomit on my alms when he incites me to give sparingly, reluctantly, with pride, rage, abuse, or not to give at all. Alms must be given from the goodness of the heart, with faith, humility, zeal, willingly, generously, as if giving to the Lord Himself, who always fills my hands with His blessings. We (and I) have many idols in our souls: whoever is partial to something is an idol for him. The evil of addictions lies in the fact that they alienate a passionate soul from true love for God and neighbors and make a person dead to God, deprive the soul of peace, freedom, light, strength for good, for prayer, contemplation of God, do not give room for reflection and concern for eternal life, but incline thoughts only to the earth, to the temporary, ephemeral, transitory. What harm comes from passions and addictions! You cannot serve God and mammon... No one can serve two masters: for either he will hate one and love the other; or he will be zealous for one and neglectful of the other [Matthew 6:24]. 26. Twelve o'clock. I thank the Lord for His wonderful liturgy, for the perfect Sacrifice, which always completely mercies me, cleanses, sanctifies, renews, revitalizes, strengthens, enlightens. So today, after communion of the Holy Mysteries, the life-giving fire of the Holy Spirit completely renewed, enlivened me, ennobled me, pacified me, and expanded my heart (early mass for the birthday boy and godson Alexandra Fidelina). It was hard for me to sit in class for the reason that at eleven o’clock I had eaten quite a lot (smoked herring, veal, broth and tea), but how good and easy it was for me when all the food was boiled down and turned into juices and blood, especially when I performed the Sacrament of Baptism and read incantatory and consecrating prayers! What lightness, heavenly, holy life, what peace of all spiritual powers! What a great mood! This mood continued during the service of a prayer service with an akathist in the apartment of Marya Arsenyevna Lebedeva (from the Svistovskys and Khartulyari)! I was triumphant, jumping with joy in my soul! But this wonderful state ended when I ate at the widow Evlampia Petrovna [...] after the prayer service and funeral service, a fat cheesecake, which I praised a lot! I fell into intemperance and ruined the world, I lost my lightness, cheerfulness, freedom of spirit! How harmful is intemperance! And when he came home, he almost fell into a devilish quarrel because of two or three words about his sister-in-law Anna (whom his wife begged to eat, but she didn’t want to), that “she doesn’t favor me”! Because of these words, she was extremely offended by me and made a scandal, began to slander me that I was quarreling with my wife and with her, attacking her; I immediately left this sodomy to go to my office, and then my wife came to me and reprimanded me, when my sister needed to be given a severe reprimand. She reproached me for treating my governess Anna Ivanovna kindly and attentively, but dryly with my sister; I said that this is one of our own and is always with us, and that one is a stranger, and she needs to be caressed - she didn’t listen, she wanted to send the governess away just because I treated her kindly - they began to be jealous of me. God! Give them some sense! Reduce their arrogance and swagger, immense pride, self-will, caprice and anger! You can’t talk to them - they start a quarrel, you can’t live peacefully with them. There are constant stumbling blocks from them in life! ([Oh, wife] of a professor, ashamed to call herself the wife of a priest!) From now on, I need to observe constant abstinence everywhere; Because of intemperance, I experience an abyss of evil in everything: in prayer, in dealing with people, in reading, in teaching lessons, in deprivation of peace, health, ease, freedom. I thank the Lord for his new and generous providence for the poor. Sampson Ilyich Denisov, a merchant, promised to give me (and has already given) ten rubles every month for the poor. Glory to Thee, Lord, most generous, all-good, all-knowing, all-righteous, all-powerful Provider for everyone and the poor! And about me, a sinner. Humble, Lord, my wife and my sister-in-law Anna. Forgive my words, which were not spoken in the spirit of love and which hurt her pride and deceit. On the night of January 26th, towards the morning, I clearly saw in a dream some unfamiliar foreigners in different [clothes] (one little black one with sparkling eyes), walking along Posadskaya with impudence and noise, with tambourines and various rattling instruments. These were demons in human form, I was a little afraid of them and walked safely to the Assumption Church, untouched by them. It was they who caused indignation and quarrel in my house in the evening, inciting my sister-in-law to attack me. 26. I thank the Lord for Matins and the early liturgy, which I successfully completed by the grace of God in the Assumption Church, and for the life-giving communion of the Holy Mysteries. I thank the Lord for his help during the funeral service in the Church of the Epiphany for navigator Viktor Nikolaevich Vasilyev; I was strongly fought by enemies - the Lord gave me strength and boldness to overcome them, although not completely, due to my cowardice. I thank the Lord for the help at the funeral service in Nikolai Sidorov’s house for Vasily, the husband of the cowshed. God! May my sister Anna, irritable, proud, impatient, all-angry, capricious, not disturb [...] my feet. Remind her, O Lord, of Thy mercies: she forgets them and lifts up her heel against me. 27. May my tears fall before You (as they have already fallen), O Lord, for my sister-in-law Anna, who shows great malice, ingratitude and deceit toward me and does not remember all Your good deeds, which You poured out in Your infinite goodness through my unworthiness on her and on her children Rufina and Elizabeth. Soften her evil, proud, cruel heart, unyielding to peace and love, for You, Lord, are the Shepherd and Trustee of our souls. Amen. Let all my books, written by my hand, be a testimony against the devil, who is always striving with his various crafts and wiles to ensnare me, to trip me up, to confuse, to oppress, to kill me, who is multi-passionate. Wake up! Be, O Lord, a witness of my repentance and my tears for my sins and have mercy on me. How hardened and proud my sister-in-law Anna became before me! Last night, when she met me on my way home, she did not greet me, but silently walked past me, not ashamed of the servant Evdokia, who walked behind her! Let this not be imputed to her! But isn’t it madness, isn’t it pride, isn’t it malice, isn’t it the greatest ingratitude and insensitivity of the benefactor and father of the children to go through it with pride and alienation? Humble her, Lord, with sorrows! For it is right to repay sorrow to those who offend me unjustly. She actually reveals, Lord, the truth of my words spoken the day before at the evening table: she does not favor me, words because of which she became embittered with me and hated me even more for my good, and moreover for Yours, Yours, my Lord, Lord! Why, in fact, did she always dissemble in front of me and in my presence did not want to eat and drink from our table, but without me she ate and drank whatever she wanted? Why does my wife stand on ceremony with her in my presence, begging her to eat and drink, while she deliberately and persistently refused to eat? I said three words indignantly: she doesn’t favor me! These words stung her, and she began to reproach and scold me, and burst into tears of anger. I quickly left this devilish scene so as not to be completely indignant. You, Lord, Righteous Judge, be among us! You alone know how long ago they became a bully against me with their arrogant, vain character, their idleness, their unrest; whereas they drove both my mother and my nephews away from me, she herself lives in complete contentment in my house as a mistress along with her children; may her soul know and feel it. I am before You in the morning 182, Lord, writing these lines (three and three quarters of the morning). How long can I endure this untruth that hurts me? But you have had mercy on me, Lord, giving me peace! I thank You, my joy, my deliverance. January 27. Saturday. I thank You, Lord, for You have called me even now to serve the Divine Liturgy (from Dmitry Nikolaevich Nikolaev) and You have revived me through the communion of Your Divine Mysteries. There was a great struggle at mass from embarrassment and demonic crampedness at the memory of Anna Konstantinovna’s hostility. But I thank You, Lord, for the great work of our salvation and reconciliation, for when I came home I found her loving and peaceful. The children were the first to cast their angelic voices. Glory to You, Lord, King of the world! Glory to You, Queen of Peace, Mother of God! 27. I thank the Lord, who completely fulfilled my prayer for the reconciliation of my sister-in-law Anna with me and me with her: we reconciled this morning after early mass and, leaving, she asked for the blessing of the Lord through me and kissed my hand. Glory to Thee, God the Savior, who miraculously works our every salvation and reconciliation of the embittered! I thank the Lord, for by His name and power the cunning demon, searching with all its might for someone to devour, has been put to shame. Some local trustee refused benefits to the widow of a sailor, who had a baby in her arms, and who was without help and constantly crying from great grief! And there is so much money in the charitable society, just so much firemen! And the refusal is really poor! I thank the Lord for the sublime thoughts and feelings given to me by His grace during the all-night vigil on Sunday (January 28) and for the multiple internal victories accomplished in His holy name throughout the day and during the all-night vigil. 28. From yesterday's satiety with veal jelly during dinner, and especially from the beer I drank at Father Deacon Poletaev's late in the evening, and from the damp weather, at night I had a prodigal defilement from some unclean dream, which desecrated me and caused a shock in my body and a relaxation of my heart. Because of this, I served mass without boldness, and at the great entrance the enemy struck my soul with dreamy fear, from which my heart completely weakened, and I could not pronounce the names of the royal family. This devilish dirty trick, which I have been fighting for twenty years now, has made me extremely angry. But there is nothing to do - I resorted to the mercy of the Master and Lord Jesus Christ, asking for leniency and help against invisible enemies. From early morning until two o'clock in the afternoon I had a headache, partly from beer and partly from lack of sleep and bad weather, and after sleeping in the afternoon and having tea, the pain went away. I thank the doctor - the Lord. Bavarian beer with tea and oranges is a good laxative (February 14). On June 2, in the evening at ten o'clock, Father Priest Pyotr Alekseevich Klepachevsky and Father Deacon Vladimir Vasilyevich Poletaev were returning home unwell per vinum, especially Father Priest, who was positively falling all over the place. Heal them, Lord! Give them understanding and guide them on Your path, for their life serves as a temptation and stumbling block for many; create, so that their light may shine before men, so that they may see their good deeds and glorify You, our Father in heaven [Matthew 5:16]. Nikolai Pigalev shot himself, leaving a note in which he admitted that he lived happily and got entangled in business or debt, and fell in love with a woman, therefore, he says, so that she would not suffer because of him, he decided to commit suicide, asking to pray for himself (a good prayer for a murderer! This is a mockery of prayer). I’m not saying that, but praying [1.5:16] 183. A perverted view of life, death, prayer, he lived like a pagan - he died like a pagan, worse than a pagan. Impatience, frivolity, despair, insolence! The rector, Father Pavel, is complaining about his breasts! And he seems completely healthy. Isn't it the enemy who laughs at him for sin's sake? How is it that he shouts loudly outside of service and has no difficulty, but during service he finds it difficult to speak? Fur coats soaked in camphor should be aired out. On October 30, 1878, Fidelin Ivan was given six rubles to send five rubles to his brother Evdokim. Bavarian beer is a bad thing: it is extremely burdensome and darkens the soul and body. December 11, 1878. It’s amazing how disobedient and disrespectful my wife has become towards me: whatever thing, whatever service you ask her for, she says everything - there’s no time. Meanwhile, through my labors, he lives in complete contentment and peace, and with orphans. For disobedience I will reduce her salary. And I pray to the Lord God, may he enlighten her, may he enlighten her, may he soften her heart, may he teach her obedience and submission, helpfulness, and consideration. What kind of disobedient wife is this, really? Will it remain like this until the end? Will she always remain unpunished? No, she will be punished and come to her senses. I obey my parishioners, I obey the Lord according to my strength, serving Him. The wife must obey me. Otherwise, why would she live in all bliss, in all contentment, together with the orphan girls whom I raise, that is, it is better to say, I only nourish? I began to turn gray in the hair of my lower lip in my 49th year, in 1878. The Moscow bun has a deceptive taste, but is unhealthy for me. On the Nativity of Christ (25, 26, 27) I collected ninety-seven rubles from the parish on Gospodskaya and Sobornaya streets for a fraternal circle, the rector collected one hundred and fifty (we went to the cathedral together), Father Peter Klepachevsky in the western part - thirty rubles, Father Alexander in the northern - forty rubles and partly on the mountain; a separate part of the archpriest was mountainous, towards St. Petersburg. On Epiphany, the rector collected fifty-five rubles along Gospodskaya and Sobornaya streets, by me in the western part - sixty-four rubles, Father Klepachevsky in the northern - fifty-one rubles, and Father Alexander Taratin on the mountain - sixty-one rubles. The canons and stichera at Matins of the third week of Great Lent, especially on Tuesday, are magnificent and wonderful. See Lenten Triodion. On January 26, I signed: for the Alexander Nevsky School - four, for the poor of the clergy - four, for the Nevsky Isidora Almshouse - four rubles. The rector of our cathedral, Father Pavel Trachevsky, has the ugly habit of turning the church of God into a house of trade: during mass and vespers he orders all the clergy to count church money, and also the altar itself to the office: he orders the sexton to submit papers, metric certificates, etc. for signature; finally, during the service itself, he gives written orders to the clergy. So on Sunday, December 11, he sent me a note from the collection of money to read during the liturgy. A note in case. Buy freshly salted whitefish at Al's shop. V. Murashov at thirty-five kopecks per whitefish. Славные сиги. He has red caviar, a bottle of vinegar, Provencal oil - November 20. On St. Andrew's Day 1877, Archpriest Trachevsky sent fifteen rubles, I, the sacristan, seventy-four rubles minus twelve rubles [...], Father Klepachevsky in the western part - forty-eight rubles, Father Taratin in the northern and on the mountain - sixty rubles. Trachevsky, Klepachevsky, Taratin delivered little. I’ll test it with experience and more, if the Lord willing. On Easter, April 16, 17 and 18, the archpriest had two hundred and seventy-seven rubles, I had sixty-nine rubles, Father Klepachevsky had forty rubles, Father Alexander Taratin had fifty-seven rubles (I got seventy-two rubles and fifty kopecks). Burachek Pavel Stepanovich once told me the truth that the director of the gymnasium Janis, without faith and truth, laughs at legends about saints, and many say that he loves bribes extremely and does not like the truth. May God judge him. May I see God's judgment on him soon, according to God's promise, may he not boast in his pride and wickedness. November 12th, 1877. What the archpriest came up with regarding the queue in the Duma Church serves to the mutual benefit of all of us. But why doesn’t he do this in the cathedral, but only in the Duma? Let him do this with Father Alexander as with his subordinate. Why am I, stupid, worried about the change in the queue? After all, it serves to mutual peace and pleasure. I didn’t realize this at first, but then I had a selfish goal in maintaining the old order, so that at Epiphany I would have more time for glorification, for according to the old order I had to serve early at Epiphany with Matins, and in the evening I was free. Letters from + 5 2 + 5 2 were sent by Fidelin on October 10, and [...] on October 5. 1860 March 16th I was awarded a loincloth 1870 April 19th – with a holy cross 1875 – elevated to the rank of archpriest 1878 – most mercifully awarded for excellent and diligent service at the gymnasium with the Order of St. Anne, third degree. From the father of Deacon Sofronov, receive twenty-four rubles - an annual income from the Assumption Church. His Grace Bishop Macarius (Mirolyubov; 1817–1894) occupied the See of Arkhangelsk from December 25, 1876 to May 23, 1879. Minus twenty-five degrees Celsius. The rite of renunciation of Satan from following the Sacrament of Baptism. Utrenevati (Church Glav.) – get up early; perform morning prayer. If anyone sees his brother sinning with a sin that does not lead to death, then let him pray, and God will give him life... There is a sin that leads to death: I do not mean that he should pray (1 John 5:16).