Сентябрь 1876 г.

September 4. I thank the Lord, who saved me from guile, hostility, pride, envy, cowardice, doubt, embarrassment, fear of demons, callousness and rudeness of heart, which I felt in myself during the funeral service and after it in the apartment of Vladimir D. Nikitin. Feelings of hostility were directed toward Father Pavel’s sexton [Ivan] Adrianov and toward the archpriest himself. I realized that I really hated them, and I sincerely condemned myself, coming to church and falling before the holy, terrible, life-giving throne of God. I thank the Lord, who yesterday gave me the grace to perform the Mystery of Baptism in Pesochnaya Street, in the house of Bubnov, with great boldness. September 7. I thank the Lord for the miracles of His mercy and power that were revealed in me during the service of the early liturgy from the merchant Vladimir D. Nikitin, the church warden: in the superiority of boldness and strength, I said the entire dismissal and before him read the pulpit, remembering the Holy Synod and the Most Reverend Metropolitan, their grant, etc. All day I was strong by the mercy of God, despite drinking beer (though I felt heaviness). September 8th. Glory to the most merciful Lord, who showed me mercy on this day during the service of the Divine Early Liturgy and gave me victory over invisible enemies, except for a cold and hostile feeling towards Metropolitan Isidore (of which I sincerely repent). Why have I felt disgust for His Eminence the Metropolitan for a long time now? Because of his contemptuous, as it seemed to me, treatment of me, murderously contemptuous. But I must consider myself lower than everyone else and worse than everyone else in terms of my sins and weaknesses, and I must rejoice when they wound me, humiliate me, beat me, cut me, burn me, as Archbishop Gregory of Kazan puts it in one word 34 . And if I am offended by the ruler, then it means that I don’t know myself yet and I flatter myself, to my own destruction, I think something about myself, as if I deserve more. So, I thank God for the former tenderness 35, as it was received with dignity, and bless, Lord, my archpastor, make him wise and save him, for You enlightened and saved him, just as I was unworthy, and through his humble, fiery prayers, filled with Your love, have mercy and save me a sinner. Amen. 9th. I thank the Lord for His powers revealed in me during the celebration of the Liturgy, especially at the end of it, during the consumption of the Holy Gifts, when before that I was angry with the sexton Zrelov (albeit unrighteously) for singing little instead of the sacramental stichera; here the Lord granted me, after my repentance, life from the dead, turned cramped conditions into space, the fire of sin into the dew of grace, confusion into peace, death into life. Glory to the Divine Liturgy! Glory to the Divine Mysteries! After mass I went to St. Petersburg (after classes). 11th. Saturday. I thank the Lord for the wonderful gifts of the liturgy, for the life-giving fire, cleansing from all the filth of sin, delivering from all the snares of the enemy, peaceful and enlightening. The enemy brought a grave temptation through the archpriest who served early mass for Father Matthew: I felt in myself extreme dislike and hostility towards him for his coldness towards God, towards divine services, towards the poor, for his stinginess, non-alms, although he was always quiet and meek with me and even fatherly affectionate. I condemned myself in every possible way for this hostility, I wanted to break my heart, to force him to love Father Paul, my superior, my father, but the enemy, the spirit of hostility, deeply nested in me, overpowered me, outraged me, and berated me towards hostility. So it took root over time and circumstances. Damned, I forgot my many sins in order to hate myself for them, but I saw and remembered the sins of the abbot, and I did not abandon the ungodly, absurd, insane hatred of him, and thus I myself fell into deep sins. The words of the Lord: “love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you” [Matthew 5:44], I forgot, or rather, did not forget, but neglected and did not fulfill them. I accuse myself, I condemn myself sincerely and have mercy from You, my Lord, the Knower of the Heart and the Judge of the righteous and merciful, I ask, and I also ask for the grace to love and honor my rector and my lord, my archpastor himself, for whom I also did not and do not have a heartfelt disposition, and to renounce myself, my old man, to hate, as ungodly and displeasing, reject your pride, crucify your passions and lusts. September 13. Sunday. I thank the Lord, who forgave me the sin of obstinacy against the poor and turned cramped conditions into space (I thanked the Lord for this at the liturgy) and gave me the grace to perform the liturgy in the world, life-giving communion of the Holy Mysteries and say the word. In the evening, at ten o’clock, I gravely sinned before God, before the Lady, before all the saints, before people and before my beggar brother, by hitting him on the cheek for asking for alms. I condemn and blame myself; especially because I, being a priest and having to imitate the Lord, the Lamb of God, in meekness, humility, patience and holding the Lamb of God in my right hand, became enraged and struck the beggar who had need on the cheek. I judge myself to the fullest extent. I prayed to the Lord with tears, and He forgave me my sin. Glory to His mercy and long-suffering! From now on I will take care of myself. This doesn’t happen with Fathers Paul and Matthew, especially with Father Alexander, that is, they hit someone in the face or somewhere else, but I’m so impatient, impudent and angry that I hit beggars in the face in the dark. For these and many other sins I deserve the greatest punishment from God and from people. But, Master Lord, You have the power to forgive many and cruel sins - and still in repentance, accept me, have mercy on me, who have fallen, and forgive my great sins for the sake of Your Holy Name, and for the future, free me from all evil actions and guide me on the path of Your commandments. This insolence in me comes from satiety with meat and from a glass of vodka, which makes the heart rough and cruel, cold, insensitive. 14. I thank the Lord, who took away the filth of sin from my heart through my inner prayer, when I sat with Father Sergius, hieromonk of the Semigrad Hermitage of the Kadnikovsky district of the Vologda province, who told me about the miracles of the Mother of God from Her miraculous icon. The enemy, the unclean spirit, tormented me with his abomination, and now, by the mercy of the Lord, it was thrown away. God bless! The servant Catherine, the old woman, accused her of infidelity, that she was pulling for herself from everywhere, that she was playing dirty tricks. In the Exaltation of the Cross. About the sign of the cross; Why do we put three fingers and two and place them on the forehead, on the heart and on the shoulders, that is, on the shoulders? In order for us to firmly imprint and carry in our minds and hearts the Holy Trinity and one of the Trinity, God and man Jesus Christ, out of love for us, who endured the cross, torment and death for our salvation. So that we love the Holy Trinity with all our hearts, with all our thoughts, with all our strength as our Creator, Provider, Giver of all good things, Savior and righteous Judge, and each other as members of one body, for Jesus Christ united human nature with Himself and us with each other; so that we meditate more often on our supernatural, miraculous salvation from sin, curse and death by the Holy Trinity through the descent of the Holy Spirit on the apostles, and through them on all believers in the Sacraments during worship or prayer in church and at home and in every place, for the Holy Spirit now “breathes where it wants, and you hear its voice, but you do not know where it comes from and where it goes” [John 3:8]; so that they crucify their flesh with passions and lusts and strive for spiritual life, for virtue of every kind. Woe to me, yesterday I felt heavy from being fed up with meat, cabbage soup, apples (two small ones): my stomach was swelling, I could not control myself, my heart, the enemy overpowered me. Only at the end of the all-night vigil, grace, through my prayer, overcame death in me and the one who had the power of death, and I felt much better, my voice became clear, ringing, and in the shelter of God, by the grace of God, I served cheerfully and loudly, with a clear voice, although with a little, in the end, confusion; I often don’t get ends and releases: I’m afraid to look at the people because of the devil’s delusion. Sin takes us captive every day more and more, it brazenly captures us, it reigns fiercely, it maliciously wishes us an ill-fated, painful eternity - it draws us into it strongly, vigilantly. What about us? We walk blindfolded or sleep soundly. “They all dozed off and fell asleep” [Matthew 25:5]. I'm the first one. The fire of burning wax candles and lamps, like the censer itself with hot coals and fragrant incense, serves for us as an image of spiritual fire - the Holy Spirit, which is the eternal fragrance of the holy, [descended] in tongues of fire on the apostles, burning away our sinful filth, enlightening our minds and hearts, igniting our souls with the flame of love for God and for each other; the fire in front of the holy icons reminds us of the fiery love of the saints for God, because of which they hated the world and all its charms, all untruths; reminds us that we must serve God, pray to God with a fiery spirit, which for the most part we do not have, for we have frozen hearts. So in the church everything is instructive and there is nothing idle or unnecessary. My God! My God! More and more, stronger and stronger passions grow stronger and stronger in me and overcome me, harden me, freeze my heart, separate me from God and alienate me: I need a constant, sincere, firm struggle, I need feats, sweat, unceasing prayers. But I am careless, lazy, indulge in pleasures that are murderous for the soul. Oh, free madness! But let me remember the formidable righteous word of the holy Apostle: “If we, having received the knowledge of the truth, sin willfully, then there remains no more sacrifice for sins, but a certain terrible expectation of judgment and the fury of fire, ready to devour our opponents” [Heb. 10:26–27]. Yes, I read the Apostle Paul’s Epistle to the Hebrews and the Apocalypse more often. To look for pleasure at the beautiful faces of people, even at one’s own, means to prepare in the heart the soil of hostility and contempt for people who are ugly, unattractive, disfigured by disease or by nature. That's how it happens. Love must be unfeigned, equal for all, for the sake of the unity of nature, its equal dignity in all people, for all are in the image of God, all are redeemed from sin by the Son of the Living God, all are called to eternal life, all are honored with the same Sacraments - born 36, sealed by the Holy Spirit, partaking of the Most Pure Body and Blood and other Sacraments. But our flesh, our heart and our thoughts and feelings are evil, unclean, false, dragging us into aphid and destruction. Sight seeks pleasure in beauty, but mostly in the carnal, bodily, seeking it for the coarse pleasure of the flesh; We have turned taste into greed, touch into passion, smell too, hearing too: everything with us is turned into a reason for corruption and removal from God. September 14. I thank the Lord, who has given me the grace and strength to perform the Liturgy without stumbling, except for “the same grant to your holy churches” and the end of the prayer behind the pulpit, and the dismissal of St. Apostle Andrew the First-Called and Peter and Paul, St. John Chrysostom, St. Alexander Nevsky - the enemy weakened me for my cowardice and lack of faith and, most importantly, for gluttony and satiety. Fast! Fast! Fast! Grant me, Lord, not to eat meat, large and fatty fish, and generally eat little. God! I sinned, I disobeyed You at dinner, I despised the smallpox-scarred face of my nephew Ivan Fidelin, rude and ugly, and I despised the one created in Your image, who is in his soul and who, because of his face, does not lose his good looks and his divine beauty. “All the glory of the king’s daughter is within” [Ps. 44:14], and not without. September 14. Evening. The Lord tested me today in the evening hours and found me wrong, crafty, prodigal, gluttonous, selfish, unsympathetic, unkind, fearful, unfaithful at the unction of Paraskeva Ivanovna Murashova at nine o’clock in the evening. But the Most Merciful One accepted my repentance and had mercy on me, cleansed me, pacified me, and made me happy. The devil soon captured me, but soon the Lord had mercy on me, accepting my quick repentance and freeing me from working with the enemy. This is during the unction. And before the unction, the Lord performed an even greater miracle of deliverance in me. Glory to the Lord! Glory! Glory! 15. I sinned before God by hastening to serve the Liturgy for the sake of traveling to St. Petersburg on matters of trusteeship, neglecting in some way the work of God of infinitely great importance. Meanwhile, in St. Petersburg I was waiting for the merchant Gromov for a very long time; there was no need to rush into the service. Lieutenant Colonel Petrov hastened it - but I myself am more to blame. September 16. I thank the Lord, who has given me the grace to perform Matins without stumbling, with peace and boldness, according to my prayer for this. I thank the Most Pure Lady, who always saves me from the snares of the enemy. At the beginning of the service (midnight office) I sinned before God - I was offended by Father Alexander for not coming to greet me, as I had approached the older brethren before and now, but when the demonic sting began to burn me very much, oppress me, then I repented of my madness, pride and stupid ambition, having learned that the bodiless enemy was destroying our brotherly mutual love because of the emptiest pretexts and that I myself I must warn the brethren, even the younger ones, in respect, that I myself must consider it a pleasure to give, before I am honored, to others honor, for the sake of the image of God in their soul, for the sake of the name of Christ that is named upon them, for the sake of the membership of Christ, for they are the brethren of Christ, born of the Holy Spirit and water, His children, His flesh and His bones. After this repentance and because of this spiritual wisdom, I became calm, the Lord forgave me my sins. Glory to the Lord, who has destroyed and is destroying the machinations of the enemy! God! There is still more sense in the door of Your mercy: inspire Your servant Ilya Feodulovich Gromov to forgive the debt of guardianship, and let us work joyfully for the benefit of our brethren in Your name. Wake up! Amen! 18. Saturday. I thank the Lord, who has shown me His countless mercies today: who has many times taken away the malice from my heart for my repentance, the coldness and deadness of my heart; who showed me great help in serving the liturgy, so that without stumbling I completed the entire service - Matins and Mass and received life-giving communion. Only at the end of mass, while consuming the Holy Gifts, was I terribly tempted through the father of the deacon, who did not give due honor to the Lord in my face - who did not kiss my hand on some occasions. This circumstance upset me, both very much, due to the action of the enemy and my tendency to sin. I deeply condemned myself for not loving my neighbor; in the absence of meekness, humility, kindness, patience. I remembered the word of Saint Maxim about love - that whoever is angry with a brother, even for offending him, does not have love. Remember the Lord, how He endured everything kindly and compassionately prayed for His worst enemies. But I, damned one, cannot pray sincerely, not for enemies, but only for those who seem so: my heart grows cold and shrinks, and the words freeze on my lips. I am a pagan, not a Christian. The priest serves as an instrument of creative blessing for the newlyweds. How exalted he must be in his service. With God, all good is green, pure, beautiful, harmless. The Old Testament Scriptures, often read during divine services, [strikingly, figuratively] prove the truth of the Orthodox faith through the event foreshadowed and the prophecy of the Old Testament in the New Testament; prove the faithfulness of God to His promises and the divine origin of the Scriptures of the Old and New Testaments. The Savior repeatedly confirmed the divinity of the predictions, saying: “Let the Scripture be fulfilled,” and: “It is accomplished” [John 19:30]; Finally, at the end of the world, the Angel will proclaim: “It is finished” [Rev. 16:17], and there will be an end to everything. Without God, without Christ, man became all decayed, became all rotten, rubbish rubbish, and Christ, having redeemed us from sin, curse and death, became everything to us - righteousness, sanctification, deliverance, light, life, strength, food, drink, clothing. Woe to those who do not believe in Christ, who do not know the Gospel and themselves: they will remain an abomination, rottenness or corruption. Blessed is the one who has known the full depth of his corruption and all his powerlessness for good, his poverty, poverty, nakedness, and seeks every good only in Christ, namely: incorruptibility, truth, goodness, power, light, true glory, incorruptibility. In the faith of Christ, everything is always new and everything renews us if we accept everything in it sincerely and sincerely. This is the property of Christ's faith, to renew all who sincerely accept it. Why is humanity not being renewed, for example Christian Europe? – From unbelief or from a distortion of faith, or due to a falling away from the true Church and its grace and its renewing means - the Holy Sacraments. The Apostle Paul pronounced anathema from the Church and Christ to all who preach the gospel differently than the Apostle preached [Gal.1:8–9]. This is how important the dogma of the Gospel is! This is why there is no renewal in Christian societies! September 19. Sunday. There is a huge gap and deficiency in the Anglican Church - disrespect for the Mother of God, the holy Angels, the holy prophets, apostles, hierarchs, martyrs, saints and all the saints; disrespect for the cross; non-recognition of the true Body of Christ in the transformed bread, etc. It is a sin to participate in the service of the Anglican Church. (And every week we especially honor them according to their heritage, that is, the saints.) September 20. I thank the Lord, who mercifully delivered me through my prayer from great sorrow, oppression and darkness on the occasion of the suspicion of my unrighteous servant Catherine of stealing cream and other supplies. I was in this cramped space for about an hour, in a demonic darkness (before the prayer service in the seventh carriage with the sailor, at the prayer service and after the prayer service while walking before the classical time (twelve and a half) in Petrovsky Park). I cried out to the Lord strongly and for a long time, and finally the Lord, seeing my work and the depth of repentance, bowed to my mercy and delivered me from the muddy ditch (passionate heart). I was calm in class. What turned out to be that evening? I was wrong in my suspicion: the servant Catherine was right. There were two bottles of cream taken, not three on Saturday, but I thought it was three, and I thought the third was stolen. Because of such trifles - and so much sin! And he deprived himself of God and peace, and had an unjust suspicion of his neighbor and was even ready to give a sharp reprimand. God! Forgive my sins, my addictions! “You are strong in mercy and good in strength, to help and comfort and save all who trust in Your Holy Name!” 38 September 21. I thank the Lord for His great mercy poured out on me when I deeply repented of my dislike, hostility, blasphemy and insolence in absentia towards the archpriest for cutting down healthy trees in his garden, which did not belong to him personally, but to the rector of the cathedral. I destroyed the commandment of the Lord because of soulless trees, having hated in my soul Archpriest Paul, my elder and superior. For a long time I lamented and prayed until I drove out sin with contrition of heart (and along with tears). Glory to the renewal of the Lord, glory to the mercy, the long-suffering of the Lord! During evening tea, I committed a new sin that stung me: I uttered a murmur and blasphemy from my heart against my son-in-law Vasily Fidelin for multiplying children - boys, poor students, sometimes expelled, sometimes left for another year in the same class. Again he repented before the Lord deeply, sincerely, condemning himself impartially for blasphemy against God’s blessing: “grow and multiply” [Gen. 1:28], and again he was merciful by the Lord, again He, being much merciful, destroyed the oath and gave me a blessing and, having abolished death in me, gave me life 39. Glory to His mercy! Glory to His renewal! Oh, in what mortal distress I was! Two things extremely amaze me: the immeasurable love of God for man, His extreme condescension towards man, the confusion and unification of God with men, and the malice in the heart and ingratitude of man towards God, the alienation of man from God, the humiliation of man to a bestial state with the assistance of the evil one! Oh, our senselessness! Our ingratitude, our inattention! Anger, our pride! Man in the image and likeness of God! Man is a child of God, a son of God, a daughter of God, a member of God, of His flesh and His bones, a sheep of His verbal flock. And this person often, often does not understand honor, is attached to foolish cattle and is likened to them [Ps. 49:13]. God Himself, raise us up! For everyone and on behalf of all people I pray to You! Wake up! September 22. This morning, during Matins and early mass, I was strongly agitated against the archpriest for the trees cut down in his garden, but I repented, got rid of the torment of confusion and cramped conditions, and performed mass well by the grace of God. In the evening, before prayer, Burachka again developed hostility towards Father Paul - through prayer he again won and was saved. Glory to the Lord! "Thine from Thine." Oh, what a relationship! What closeness to God! Does the heart of the one who offers the sacrifice of peace - the sacrifice of praise, the sacrifice of universal salvation - feel its closeness to God, its affinity with God? And does the saint tremble with love? September 23. The Lord performed two greatest miracles with me: He delivered me from the great oppression, sorrow and shame that came upon me for being angry with a beggar and for tearing his hair for begging ([Golovarev] ...), and from similar shame, sorrow and oppression as a result of prodigal and adulterous movements of the heart when talking with Marya Konstantinovna, my sister-in-law. What kind of thing will I bring? How long will I abuse mercy and patience? September 24. I thank the many-merciful Lord, who has surprised me even now with His mercy in delivering me from sins and from sorrows and distress, according to my faith and the repentance of my heart. Myrrh poured out truly is Your name, O Lord [Song.1:2]! And that’s how it was for me today, and yesterday, and the day before – and it will always be that way. Amen. A healing balm is Your name, O Lord! The stone is white and whitens my soul, Your name, O Lord! Sweetness is Your name, eternal sweetness, imperishable; my peace, my deliverance, my strength; the shrine is truly mine! My beauty! My strength and my glory! My shield, against which the sharp arrows of enemies invisible and visible are dulled; invincible weapon, my boldness. For all this I thank and praise the Lord! 25. I thank the Lord, who called me to serve the early liturgy and gave me the grace of tenderness, tears and great deliverance from sins, peace, boldness, freedom in the communion of Your most pure and life-giving Mysteries. The Lord confirmed this in me during the farewell of the deceased Tatiana, when I was in close quarters with the enemy and prayed to the Lord in repentance, He sovereignly saved me. God! Look down on my servant Catherine and forbid her to steal my goods, reprove her so that she does not dare to stretch out her hand to theft, and deliver me from painful suspicion and have hope in You in everything. For it is great beyond number that You are with me, Lord! Your being and nature is in me, immortal, all-blessed. Glory to You! God! All that I have asked of You before Your Holy Mysteries, let me receive! Not for my own sake, but for the sake of the poor and for the sake of the members of the guardianship. Wake up! You have given us yourself, how can you not give us everything with yourself? Hey, Amen. How strong was the suffering of Jesus Christ on the cross for the sins of the whole world, so strong was His love for us and for me, a sinner; no matter how tightly He was nailed to the cross, so firmly He wants to attract and bind me to Himself. Oh love! Love, the love of Christ my God with the Father and the Holy Spirit! Grant me, Lord, to always feel it, and shed tears, and to live up to it to the best of my ability. Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! Let me crucify the sin-loving flesh. 26. On the night of September 26, my head was terribly aching, especially the crown of my head, and I didn’t know where to go, how to get rid of it. Finally I got up completely and got dressed in all my clothes, even my cassock, and lay down under a warm blanket; Thank God, the pain soon subsided. But why is she? Because I ate two strong apples before dinner, and then ate fatty cabbage soup and fatty meat and especially roast meat, I got indigestion and a headache. Yes, and at night I ate a Crimean apple, I ate the remains of a watermelon: everything together caused damage. Especially meat, satiety: don’t eat meat, don’t eat. I drank bad chocolate at the christening, I drank Donskoe, and it hurt. I thank the Lord for healing me. (My head hurt due to heavy rain and fog with the east wind.) Are you attracted by the beauty of the flesh, the human face, and are you repulsed by ugliness, ugliness, and ugliness? But what is carnal beauty? A momentary manifestation of the beauty of the Creator and Creator, the beauty of the soul, which is in the image and likeness of God; then it is dust, ashes, pus. And the ugliness of the face should not repel a person, for the Lord, more beautiful than all the sons of men, had no appearance lower than kindness [Ps. 44:2]; the ugliness of the face does not deprive the soul of its beauty. And the soul is the main thing in a person, an eternal being. I thank the Lord, who made me worthy to celebrate the early liturgy in grace and to partake of the life-giving Mysteries for the wonderful revival of me, mortified by worldly pleasures and lusts. Instantly I felt within me a life-giving fire and the purification of sins, peace, freedom, lightness, space, strength and boldness. I thank the Lord, who showed me His heavenly mercy and help before and during the reading of the departure songs and stichera and prayers of the canon for the exodus of the soul; when I was oppressed and overwhelmed and was stung by the sting of the serpent of love of money, then I raised my eyes to the Lord and read the prayers: “To the King of Heaven,” “The Trisagion,” “Our Father, who is in heaven,” and the Lord delivered me. I was especially touched by the words: “Like ecu in heaven.” I thought: how sublime and wise is this Lord’s Prayer, which, despite its brevity, embraces all our needs! In her first words, she detaches us from worldly, earthly attachments and lifts our hearts to heaven; and yet we are earthly, vain, partial to perishable, local goods, and because of earthly addictions we often leave the only thing we need - the salvation of the soul, we are careless about it, we lose love for God, the Source of life, and for our neighbor, especially for his soul; Without valuing our own salvation, we do not value the salvation of others; the beginning of all our relationships with our neighbors are carnal pleasures, money, honor, earthly, transitory advantages, and not heavenly, spiritual, eternal. A person dishonors and humiliates himself in this way constantly, perverting the purpose of his life. I thank the Lord, the Head of My Church, for His great help to me during the wedding in the cathedral. With an abundance of boldness, I carried out the entire wedding without stumbling. A Christian also needs fasting in order, among other things, to know and feel with a purified mind and a purified, enlightened heart the truth, greatness and saving power of the Christian heavenly faith, which cannot dwell in the heart of a saturated person, cannot illuminate with its light his mind and heart darkened and hardened by passions. The mind and heart of the fasting person are subtle, active, receptive to everything spiritual and heavenly. September 27. Monday. He sinned gravely before God by becoming angry over trifles and hostility at the servant Catherine and the laundress Fevronia and shouting at them (he even said: to hell with you!). For this reason, hellish oppression and shame befell me; Confusion and mental ulcers overtook me. For a long time and repeatedly I begged the Lord for mercy, finally I began to beg Him with all the power of His merits on the cross, for the sake of His Holy Name alone - and received complete deliverance from sin, from oppression, shame, and ulcers. After this, I strongly thanked the Lord for His inexpressible mercy towards me, for raising me from the dead, for rebirth and renewal. Many of the laity eat and drink before communion: we must strongly rebuke this sin, this greed, this impatience, this disrespect for the most holy, most spiritual Sacrament. “Man shall not live on bread alone” [Deut.8:3; Matthew 4:4; Luke 4:4]... September 28. I thank the Lord, who gave me the grace and strength to hold myself calmly and speak calmly and without stumbling, exclamations and dismissals at Katagonov’s funeral services. Grant, Lord, always and everywhere like this! Wake up! Standing in church during divine services, we almost constantly hear the Church’s glorification of the eternal Kingdom of the Holy Trinity - the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, Her mercy, love for mankind, and generosity. This means that, standing in church, we stand on the border of time and eternity, the Kingdom of God, blessed in time, and the Kingdom of glory eternal; that the Holy Church, with its worship, Sacraments, teaching, and hierarchy, educates and prepares us for the glorious eternal Kingdom of God. Oh, what a majestic, saving institution of God on earth is the Church of Christ, this bearer of His spirit, His eternal life, His love, mercy, His holiness, truth, holy boldness, His wisdom - this is our nourisher, the teacher of all His Divine gifts, all His divine powers, even to life and piety, and the leader [to life] in reverence and truth and to the incorruptible, imperishable bliss! When you stand during a divine service and hear the constant glorification of the eternal Kingdom of God, His eternal mercies, sometimes you seem to forget yourself and think, are you not standing in heaven, are you not in the Kingdom of glory, are you not near the throne of God, surrounded by the Angels of glory, is this brightly decorated hierarchy surrounding the throne of God, are you not the Angels of glory, eternally shining with light? And we must constantly educate ourselves in holiness and truth, we must cultivate in ourselves the ardent desires of eternal life and cool the desires of temporary, perishable goods, sweets, beauties, temporary, vain glory. We were born, called into eternal life, this life is not ours, we are strangers and strangers, “we do not have a permanent city here, but we are looking for the future” [Heb. 13:14], therefore every Christian must cry out to the Lord: Lord! save me and bring me into Your eternal Kingdom. So, let us remember that we are branches of the eternal Vine of the true, let us bear the fruits of righteousness every day, let us bring joy to our Creator, Provider and Savior. The natural needs of the body in the current vain life of sin are too excited and intensified, even new needs are invented, with their extreme intensification - needs that nature did not know before and did not require, I mean smoking tobacco; overly excited bodily needs suppress and drown out the eternal needs of our immortal soul. Therefore, it is obvious: it is necessary to suppress and drown out the whims and passions of the flesh in order to make room for the fulfillment of the aspirations of the immortal soul. It is necessary to suppress passions for money, for delicacy, for clothes that are too elegant, for a luxurious home, or for the exquisite and numerous comforts in life, for the glory of the world, or for distinctions and awards, for spectacles. I have experienced myself a thousand times how terribly paralyzing the soul, instantly cutting off the flow of grace-filled life in it, are worries, thoughts about money, about food, about distinctions, about clothes during prayer: you suddenly feel bound, depressed, disgraced, darkened, killed, like ulcers in the tomb 40, rejected by the hand of God [Ps. 87:6]! This is what overly excited and excessively intensified desires and lusts of the flesh mean for the soul! So that they do not kill the immortal soul, it is necessary, obviously, to kill them. “Those who are Christ’s have crucified the flesh with its passions and lusts” [Gal.5:24]. Why does our Holy Church use holy icons in church and in houses and light lamps before them? The saints are witnesses of the fidelity and immutability of all the verbs and promises of God spoken by the Gospel and apostolic tradition; they are bearers and witnesses of immortal and eternal life in God; they are unceasing teachers of holy, Christian life and the rules of the faith of Christ, they are lamps, forever burning and shining; they are an example and a gracious guide for us sinners on the path of salvation; they are forever fragrant, like flowers of paradise, with their virtues - humility, kindness and meekness, patience, non-covetousness, abstinence, chastity, God-mindedness; they are our intercessors and prayer books before God. Icons are like books with faces, telling the deeds of the Church of God and the path to eternity. September 28. I thank the many-merciful and benevolent Lord, who saved me this day, in the morning hours, from my sins and who gave me the grace to carry out without stumbling, with great boldness, the cathedral memorial service for Alexandra Dmitrievna Katagonova. Glory to the Lord who prospers me! Prosper me all the days of my life, O my Lord, O Lord! Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! Gregory (Postnikov; 1784–1860), Metropolitan of Novgorod and St. Petersburg. In 1814 he graduated from the St. Petersburg Theological Academy, where one of his mentors was St. Philaret (Drozdov), who had a great influence on him. Since 1819 - rector and ordinary professor of the St. Petersburg Academy; maintained strict order at the Academy, improved educational programs, and improved the financial situation of students; taught theological sciences, Holy Scripture, and participated in the translation of Holy Scripture into Russian. His lectures were distributed in printed and handwritten form to many religious educational institutions. The works of Metropolitan Gregory laid the foundation for official spiritual journalism in Russia: in 1821 he founded one of the first spiritual magazines in the country, Christian Reading; in 1855, the Orthodox Interlocutor magazine began publishing in Kazan; in 1857, the Spiritual Conversation magazine, intended for the laity, was founded. In 1822, Gregory was consecrated Bishop of Revel, vicar of the St. Petersburg diocese. In 1825 he was appointed to the Kaluga See, where he began to actively engage in missionary activities among the Old Believers. In 1832 he headed the celebration of the discovery of the relics of St. Mitrophan of Voronezh. In 1848 he was appointed Archbishop of Kazan and Sviyazhsk. He paid special attention to missionary activity, took care of strengthening the common faith, and headed a committee to translate liturgical books into the Tatar language. At his insistence, missionary departments were opened at Theological Academies and Seminaries in St. Petersburg, Moscow, Kazan, and Kyiv. Bishop Gregory was a major specialist in the history of the Old Believers. His book “The Truly Ancient and Truly Orthodox Church of Christ” (1854) was published four times during the saint’s lifetime. In 1856, he was elevated to the rank of metropolitan and transferred to the St. Petersburg See, and from that time on he was a first-present member of the Synod. Metropolitan Gregory was a tireless preacher; he preached at every service, addressing the listeners with simple, brief, but succinct instructions. Metropolitan Gregory was a member of the St. Petersburg Academy of Sciences (since 1821), an honorary member of the department of Russian language and literature (since 1841) and the general meeting of the Academy of Sciences (since 1856). He led a strict ascetic lifestyle and was distinguished by generous charity. He was buried in the Holy Spiritual Church of the Alexander Nevsky Lavra. Tenderness (church glory) – sadness, contrition. Born (Church Glorious) - reborn in the Sacrament of Baptism. The first prayer of the lamp at Vespers. Troparion of the Feast of the Nativity of the Virgin Mary, tone 4. That is, like dead people lying in a coffin (“ulcer” - wound).