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You write that you cannot forget the grave sufferings of your sister, who, in your opinion, lived well in the world... St. Mark the ascetic writes that if a person is inclined to a joyful life, then his outcome is not easy, but difficult due to the inclination to a voluptuous life, “a voluptuous heart is a prison and bonds for the soul during the exodus; a hardworking heart is an open door.” No matter how you receive God’s mercy: is it difficult, is it easy, just to receive it; but only the humble receive it easily, as the Lord Himself testifies in the Holy Gospel, saying: “Learn from Me, for I am meek and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light” (Matthew 11:29–30). ...The enemy tempts in every possible way, especially before death, in order to inflict some kind of wound or at least put some kind of stain, so that when they leave, he will have his own sign to hold back and hinder the transition to the future blissful life.... I hear about your great grief - about the unexpected death of your son M.N. and I am very sorry for you. There is holy advice - to come to the house of those who are crying. But since I am frail and weak and for this reason cannot visit you personally, I decided, albeit in absentia, to talk with you through a letter in order to assuage, as much as possible, your great sadness. Due to human weakness, it is impossible not to grieve for parents who lost their only son so prematurely, at such a young age, at such a blossoming age... But we are not pagans who have no hope regarding the future life, but Christians who have joyful consolation beyond the grave regarding the receipt of future eternal bliss. This joyful thought should moderate your grief, quench your great sadness, that although you have lost your son for a while, you can see him again in a future life, you can unite with him in such a way that you will never part with him again. You just have to take appropriate measures for this: [firstly], remember M.’s soul at the bloodless sacrifice, during the reading of the psalter and in your prayers at home; secondly, to do all possible alms for his soul. All this will be useful not only for your late son M., but also for yourself. Although his death caused you great sorrow and grief, this sorrow can strengthen you even more in Christian life, in Christian charity, in a Christian mood of spirit. What the Lord does to us is not only good, but also very good. True, we all desire to receive salvation and inherit the Kingdom of Heaven; but we often forget that “through many tribulations it is fitting for us to enter into the Kingdom of God” (Acts 14:22), and therefore we often seek earthly happiness and temporary joy in the worries of everyday life and in attachment to worldly things. Therefore, the All-Good Lord, by His all-wise Providence, resolves this knot, bringing unexpected deprivations and unexpected sorrow, so that we look around and turn our spiritual gaze to the acquisition of goods that are not temporary, but eternal, which are durable and never changeable. And the Lord does this with us out of His immeasurable love for people, as the apostle says: “The Lord loves him, punishes him, and beats every son whom he accepts. If you are without punishment, you are adulterers by nature, and not of sons” (Heb. 12:6,8). Great sorrow has been sent to you, but console yourself with the fact that through this sorrow you are included in the number of the sons of God, because of God’s immeasurable love for you. Therefore, preserve your great Christian dignity, submitting to the will of God not only resignedly, but also with thanksgiving. You only wanted to be comforted by your son in this life temporarily; The Lord arranges it so that you will be comforted by him in the future life forever, to endless ages. Finally, you may have gratifying feelings in the fact that your late M. still has children whom you can raise and be comforted by them as children. They will be together for you, both grandchildren and close children. Try by all means to satisfy your grief so that it does not go beyond Christian limits; and the All-merciful Lord will show you His mercy and send you spiritual consolation. Who knows what your M. would have been like if his life had been prolonged. Now you can be quite sure that he will always remain good. Calling upon you the peace and blessing of God, I remain with sincere goodwill. I hear, princess, that you continue to grieve over the loss of your beloved daughter. As I told you a lot, I repeat now that, due to human weakness, it is impossible for a mother not to grieve at all over the deprivation of her children. But as a Christian, you must temper this grief with the Christian hope that your daughter will receive great mercy from the King of Heaven, in His heavenly and endless Kingdom; since she is delighted with life at a very young age, without experiencing any of the temptations of the world. In the lives of Saints Andronicus and Athanasius it is said that no one with such boldness asks from the Lord for reward as children, saying this: “Lord, You have deprived us of earthly blessings, do not deprive us of heavenly ones.” Occupy your mind, princess, with such reflections more often, and then your sorrowful spirit will receive spiritual joy through this... P.S. For your living children, pray fervently, so that the Lord will arrange something useful and saving for them, and communicate their destinies to them. You write that your spiritual enemies, through the incident of the Mount Athos pamphlet, embarrassed you so much that you could not pray for three days out of embarrassment and despair, and to this day continue to be somewhat embarrassed about this incident. And the circumstance described in the brochure inspires hope rather than despair. I found this brochure from one brother and read it; it is said there: someone who lived on Athos loved to visit guests, so that they rarely found him in his cell, it is also said that he did not always fulfill his cell rule; before his death he was seriously ill for a whole month and at the end he received the Holy Mysteries every day; but after his death, two months later, he appeared in a dream to one brother close to him, sad, and said that he was in prison. The one who saw it announced this to the brethren. The reverent brethren intensified their prayers for him, and the hieromonks commemorated him at the liturgy. Again, two months later, the deceased appears cheerful, and in the eyes of the beholder, he ran across the river along a narrow perch, and very soon climbed a mountain that stretched to heaven. This circumstance clearly shows how useful church commemoration and private prayers are for the dead who have repented, but who have not or did not have time to bear penance. If a person has sinned, then, according to God’s justice, he must suffer torment or languor: for those who repent - temporary, and for those who do not repent - eternal. At the crucifixion, Christ the Lord said to the prudent thief: “Today you will be with me in paradise” (Luke 23:43). But after the words of Christ the Savior, this robber’s legs were broken, and he suffered for several hours, hanging on his hands alone. So is every sinner who has repented, if he does not suffer voluntary penance in the feat of fasting and prayer, and prostrations, or an involuntary long-term illness, or through other sorrows; then after his death he demands commemoration in order to get rid of prison, like the said deceased. It is not without reason that the Orthodox Church established church commemoration for the deceased - reading the Psalter, almsgiving. Private prayers are also accepted. If, in your opinion, the fate of the deceased was decided by one permissive prayer from the confessor; then the commemoration established by the Church would be in vain; and it brings great benefit to the repentant dead, but it does not bring benefit to unrepentant sinners, or unbelievers, or infidels and heretics. In the future, be careful and circumspect when receiving suggestions of plausible thoughts from spiritual enemies. No matter how plausible these thoughts may be; but if they bring confusion and despair, then they are wolves in sheep’s skins, says Barsanuphius the Great.... On the commemoration of non-Orthodox people in the church At all times, when serving in the Orthodox Church, only Orthodox Christians have always been remembered for the repose of the souls of the departed; That’s why church decrees don’t write about disremembering people of other faiths, because they weren’t remembered anywhere... ...The commandment of the Lord himself in the Gospel: “If the Church disobeys, let you be like a pagan and a tax collector” (Matthew 18:17). At the same time, these words clearly define the care and concern of the Orthodox towards people of other faiths, no matter who they are. But according to the law of love, our Church prays for the unification of churches, that is, for the conversion of non-believers even during their lifetime with the thought that the Lord, through His destinies, would turn them to the light of truth and lead them to the path of salvation. If they convert, then good and good; When during their lifetime they do not convert due to God’s destinies unknown to us, then after death the Church can no longer remember them, since they had no communication with her during their lifetime. It is worthy of note that when someone from the Orthodox royal family is given in marriage to a non-Christian, this spouse is only remembered during his lifetime in litanies, and, moreover, anonymously; after death it is not remembered. And for the royal relatives the Church could have made leniency, if it had been possible. People pray for suicide only at home You also write about the unfortunate death of the brother of one of your novices and ask if it is possible to remember him. According to church rules, one should not remember him in church; and his sister and relatives can privately pray for him, just as Elder Leonid allowed Pavel Tambovtsev to pray for his parent... We know of many examples that the prayer conveyed by Elder Leonid calmed and consoled, and turned out to be valid before the Lord. You might be interested in: