Глава XVII. Взаимные отношения старца Макария и господина Д.Л. с семейством

No less edifying were the oral conversations of the godly elder Father Fr. Macaria. As an example, in addition to the above conversations, we offer here to God-loving readers the story of Mr. D.L., which also preliminarily talks about how the Providence of God directed this servant of God with his wife to the God-wise elder. The story is offered in the original. Its title is as follows: “Memories of the Elder of Optina Pustyn, Hieroschemamonk Macarius” 120. “Let them excuse me,” writes D.L., “if the beginning of my story seems to someone a little far from the point. I can't help but start it like that. I need to show what was the reason for me to become acquainted with one of the great elders of Orthodox Rus', who later became my mentor in Christian activities, my spiritual father, a zealous man of prayer before God, at whose throne he now stands as a righteous man... So, a few words about myself. I am a Russian landowner and, by the grace of God, I am married. We both received what was then a modern education. But, raised by my late mother, I preserved in my soul a spark of the fear of God; and neither student life, nor hussar service, nor metropolitan entertainment extinguished it in me. True, like others, I rarely visited the churches of God, forgot morning and evening prayers, loved theaters and various other public entertainments; but there were moments when my conscience spoke in my soul with irresistible reproaches, and with a deep sigh of contrition about my repentance, I turned my thought to the One who said: I do not want the sinner to die, but to turn and live for him [Ezek. 33:11]. One day I happened to go on business to different places. It was in a damp and cloudy autumn. The dirt was inescapable. Moreover, the state of my affairs did not make me too happy. Naturally, that’s why I was in the worst mood. My wife, meeting me on the threshold of my house, said that several acquaintances had gathered with us. I had no time for them, but there was nothing to do, I changed clothes and went out into the hall. After greeting the guests and sitting around the hissing samovar, we started talking about hay, buckwheat and other “thought-provoking” items. Our conversation became noisier hour by hour: anecdotes and stories about various village incidents began to pour out. Suddenly they report that a monk is waiting in the hallway. After a few seconds of hesitation, it was decided to accept the unexpected guest. The monk entered and, having prayed before the icons, announced that he was Hierodeacon of Optina Pustyn K. After the usual greetings, he explained the reason for his arrival, that, they say, he was sent from the monastery to collect voluntary alms for the needs of the monastery. It was already late. My wife and I invited him to spend the night with us. The monk agreed. Then we began to continue the interrupted conversation and soon entered into the usual rut of gossip and gossip. We were a little embarrassed by the presence of the monk, and therefore we tried to speak more in French. The monk was silent. Feeling the awkwardness of our position, we tried to somehow involve the guest in the general conversation. I don’t remember how it happened there, but our speech only touched on religious issues. At first light, and then more serious disputes arose. The monk was still silent. Finally, when I, in order to stop the inappropriate polemic, spoke in a somewhat instructive tone, the guest broke his silence. Partly out of curiosity, partly out of courtesy, our entire community stopped arguing and listened attentively to the monk’s modest and simple speech. He said enough. After taking his leave, he left us and went into the room assigned to him. We didn't stay together for long either. An hour later, each of us went to rest with thoughts far from those that we all had at the beginning of the evening. The next day, the monk, having received a feasible offering from us, left. For breakfast we gathered, as yesterday, as a whole company; but it wasn’t the same conversation we had—everything somehow didn’t fit in, didn’t go well. The awakened conscience of the monk’s simple but strong word did not give him peace. What previously seemed empty and meaningless to us now has meaning for us and stands out before our opened inner eyes. At least that's how I felt. The fight against sin was still a long way off; but the consciousness of his depravity had already appeared. The way of life continued as before, but the peace of mind had already been disturbed. The next year the same Fr. visited us again. K. We were delighted with him, as if we had known him for a long time, and begged him to stay with us the whole day. We didn’t even notice how this wonderful day for us passed. There was so much sweetness in the conversation of the man, imbued with the spiritual wisdom of experienced ascetics of spiritual life! It is very natural that my wife and I wanted to visit Optina Pustyn and get acquainted with the ascetics there, especially with the elders - hieromonk Fr. Leonid (in schema Leo) and hieromonk Fr. Macarius, about whom Fr. K. told us a lot of interesting things. However, our project this time remained just a project. The very next year, my wife and I fulfilled our heartfelt desire and arrived in Optina Pustyn, I remember, at the end of September. Having stopped at the monastery hotel, we sent for our friend Fr. K. He did not hesitate to appear and, having seen us, went and brought Fr. Macaria. Our first meeting with the elder, contrary to our expectations, was nothing special. Remembering the stories of Fr. K., we thought we would meet an ascetic with a special expression on his face, with special techniques. It turned out that he was a simple, ordinary monk, extremely modest, taciturn and, moreover, tongue-tied. I was positively disappointed. But my wife, despite her social glibness, from the first time felt some kind of unaccountable fear mixed with reverence; and on his next visits she became attached to him with all her soul. Having finished my prayer and received the Holy Mysteries, we returned to the village; and after a while we left for St. Petersburg. It was the time, or as they say, the season of public entertainment. Performances, balls, masquerades, evenings did not give rest to high society people. Not every day, but, nevertheless, we visited theaters and attended balls. Just a strange thing! Somehow my conscience was already restless; and the ringing of the bell, signaling the announcement of the all-night vigil, awakened in the soul a feeling similar to shame and remorse, when we had already decided to go to the ballet or opera. Breaking the fast also ceased to seem unimportant to us. We began to understand that we were not living as the Orthodox Church required. The old man stood irresistibly before the alarmed eyes of the soul with his calm gaze, with his pleading speech... The following autumn we again visited Optina Pustyn. O. Macarius was already more courteous and frank with us. He asked us in detail about our life, talked about St. Petersburg and the temptations encountered there at every step. When I confessed to the embarrassment that haunted me so relentlessly among the capital's entertainments, Fr. Macarius spoke as he had never spoken to us before. We greedily caught every word of the ascetic and after his departure, competing with each other, we wrote down the wonderful speech of the Elder of God: “Every person,” said Fr. Macarius, was created in order to glorify God while living. He was created good, but over time, carried away by bodily passions, he falls into a sinful state. However, it is never too late for any sinner to return to his primitive state. Repentance and trying to fulfill God’s commandments is the surest path to the merciful Lord for everyone. A Christian must turn to God every hour and begin to correct his spiritual existence. No one should be embarrassed by their sinful condition. There is no man who will live and not sin [2 Chronicles 6:36]. And the more sinful a person is, the stronger will be God’s help to raise him from the mire of sin. But God’s help occurs only when the sinner repents with contrition of heart, has the will to correct himself and, not seeing in himself so much spiritual strength as to turn away from sinful deeds on his own, seeks God’s help. This is where the visible mercy of the Lord often occurs, not wanting the sinner to die, but to turn and live for him. But in no case should one delay the beginning of one’s correction for a minute; and if the voice of conscience arouses in us a feeling of remorse or repentance, then we must earnestly pray to the Guardian Angel of human life, may he save us from pernicious falls and may he help us work for the Lord with fear and trembling [Ps. 1:11].” How sluggish is the human word when it fits into measured lines and conditioned signs called letters! Until now, one can feel in one’s heart that inexpressible sweetness, that invincible power of Fr. Macarius, with which he then shook our entire being... All the vulgarity of secular life stood before us in all its ugliness. My chest felt tight from the accumulated tears that flowed uncontrollably from my eyes. Yes, we cried, and these tears of deep repentance for sins were sweet! Father Macarius consoled us with the words of Holy Scripture and the writings of the fathers. And, God! How much of this healing unctuousness was in his speeches! What a wonderful dawn of the non-evening day of Christ rose then from behind the clouds of our sinful souls!.. Father Macarius advised us to speak and, having blessed us, went to other rooms of the hotel for the edification and teaching of visitors who were thirsty for his inspiring words. We ourselves saw how we met him in the hotel courtyard. They bowed at his feet; they crowded in to receive the blessing and were baptized with joy when they received it. Throughout our preparation for confession and Holy Communion, the elder visited us daily and edified us spiritually. We revealed all our thoughts to him. One day we started talking about fasting. Frankly, I was afraid to tell him about my guilt in this regard, fearing to hear a severe reprimand for violating the decrees of the Church. It didn't turn out that way at all. Father Macarius meekly noted to us that this is bad, not good, that in the Church there are various decrees so that we, as her children, observe them with all severity, that they are obligatory for everyone, regardless of any conditions of everyday life. And he said all this so softly and affectionately that I had the courage to ask him: “Is it possible in cases of need, for example, on the road, at a party, in general, where it is inconvenient to find lean food, to allow fast food?” Father Macarius, smiling, answered me: “Can I, hieromonk, permit what the Church has prohibited? No, I would ask you, at least out of love for me, to start observing fasts.” We decided to obey. At first it was difficult, but after that we got used to it; and now, thanks to God, we don’t feel any burden in this. Talking with Fr. Macarius, I once told him that, living and moving in the world, it happens that suddenly, out of the blue, some girl likes him. Word for word, and you will become attached to her, so much so that later you find it necessary, for fear of jealousy, to hide it from your wife. Even during prayer and in the church of God, you keep thinking about her and her. Of course, over time this attachment passes by itself and is forgotten; but still... “Yes,” said Fr. with a sigh. Macarius, to you, secular people, such frivolity seems empty, insignificant; and yet, hidden in it is a terrible evil, entailing an abyss of troubles and misfortunes and stealing your spiritual treasury. The Savior directly says: Everyone who looks at a woman lusts after her has already committed adultery with her in his heart [Matthew 5:28]. You see - you only looked with lust, but the sin has already been committed, and the commandment of the Lord has been broken. And from an everyday point of view, how many bitter sorrows such addictions entail! Now, as I see, you live happily and calmly in your family life: you love your wife, and she loves you, you are frank with her; you have a friend in her who sincerely participates in your sorrows and joys. And as soon as the thought of treason penetrates your heart, the tempter will immediately grab hold of it and drag you with such force that it will be difficult to stop and return to your sacred duty. It’s not far from the fall here, but it happened - everything was upset then! In your wife, if she is faithful to you, you will have an enemy rather than a friend; Instead of love, you will begin to harbor hatred for it; instead of consolation, you will see in it an obstacle to the satisfaction of your crude inhuman passion. You won’t even notice how you will become the lawless enemy of your lawful wife. What a bitter future for such a life! But it's still here; and what is there, beyond the grave?.. It is scary, scary for a sinner to fall into the hands of the living God. [Heb.10:31.]" “Teach me, father,” I said, “how to stay away from passionate hobbies in general and from tempting thoughts at home, in prayer and even in church?” “The beginning of all these temptations,” answered the elder, “is pride. A person imagines that he lives piously, without thinking at all about his sinfulness and sometimes even condemning others. So the Lord will allow the enemy’s machinations to act on him. Be careful about your lifestyle. Check your conscience; and every time you will involuntarily come to the conviction that you have not yet fulfilled a single commandment, as a Christian should. Reasoning in this way, you will clearly see your spiritual weaknesses, which entail carnal failures. To get rid of these falls, one must acquire humility. As for sinful thoughts in church and at home during prayer, one should not be embarrassed by this; for this comes not from you, but from the enemy. Try not to be stuck in these thoughts, but rather turn to God with the prayer: “Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner.” Here's an example. When parents go for a walk with their small children, they usually let the children go ahead so as not to let them out of sight. Suddenly a dog will run out from around the corner and attack the children. What are they doing? Now they rush to their parents shouting: “Dad! Mother!" With childlike simplicity, with pure faith, they expect help from their parents. So you, on the path of your temporary life, if our tempter the devil begins to plot, do not be embarrassed and do not at all think of defending yourself with your own means, but with childish simplicity, rush to the Heavenly Father with a cry: “Lord! I am Your creation; have mercy on me!” Finally, I’ll tell you this,” the elder added, “that, in my understanding, it is difficult to stay away from temptations while living in big cities. How can a person, still weak in the matter of spiritual work, resist the temptations of the modern world! Note that real secular society consists partly of people of other faiths, partly of Christians, although Orthodox, but, due to their weakness, so carried away by the customs of the world that they are Orthodox only in name, but in essence have strayed far from true Orthodoxy. It is difficult to fight passions, but it is incomparably more difficult to resist constant temptations. Finally, luxury, following fashion, the very needs of life - all this is so expensive that whatever fortune you want is not enough to satisfy all the demands of the world. You yourself say that your financial affairs are in disarray; and as you live longer in the village, your means will improve. Is this the same thing? The human soul, as an immortal being, cannot remain in the same position: it either improves or worsens. It’s no wonder that with a quiet village life, of course, with God’s help, your spiritual structure should improve at least somewhat.” And the wise old man said a lot of things that sank deep into the soul that longed for the word of truth. Never in my life have I felt such a delightful calm as in these unforgettable moments of conversation with the grace-filled ascetic. All thoughts strived towards one firm intention to begin to live as an Orthodox Christian should. The words of the elder, like heavenly dew, fell on the parched earth of the heart; and I felt how a seed of sweet hope began to vegetate inside him, that the path of salvation, the path to a blessed life, was not closed to me, that I too could be a Christian in more than one name. All my life plans took a different direction. I intended to completely abandon winter trips to cities, because after these interviews both my wife and I were decidedly disgusted with the noisy city life. It was as if for the first time we saw the logic of the simple truth that it would be much wiser to put our affairs in order away from the world and, instead of living, for example, in St. Petersburg, sometimes half and half with poverty, to live comfortably and even with all the amenities in the village. In this mood of feelings and thoughts, I returned home, diligently took care of the housework and began to live, following as much as possible the advice of Fr. Macaria. Filippovka has arrived. I began to strictly keep my fast. But alas! The flesh, lustful of the spirit, soon rebelled against the holy decree of the Church. First, hesitation, then various thoughts and reflections, and finally, even annoyance at the Elder of God, who, as it seemed to me, disturbed the peace of my conscience, decidedly upset me. In such an irritated state of mind, I once sharply told my wife that I was tired of living in the village, that, having collected my money, I decided to go to St. Petersburg, where my relatives really called me. My wife listened to me calmly, but then little by little began to advise me against the trip. She begged me to listen to Fr. at least this time. Macaria; but I insisted on my own and said decisively that we were going to St. Petersburg in early December. There were five days left before departure. Something didn't go well for me. Imagining that this was from the Lenten food, I ordered the fast food to be prepared. But on the very first night after breaking the commandment, when everything in the house calmed down, I was left alone, I felt some kind of anxiety, similar to remorse. Unauthorized permission for fast food, and most importantly - grumbling about Fr. Macarius and disobedience to his loving advice haunted me irresistibly. I didn't sleep almost all night. This morning I told my wife about this. She again began to beg me to postpone the trip, but the fear of appearing spineless did not allow me to agree to her ideas. It ended with the fact that after much debate we decided to send a messenger to Optina Pustyn with a letter to Fr. Macarius and ask for his blessing for the trip to St. Petersburg, explaining the reason for this. I started writing, but it was strange! Instead of getting straight to the point, I, due to some uncontrollable feeling of guilt, wrote something that was not at all what I thought I would write when I started writing. Here's what I wrote: “I thought for a long time how to begin my letter to you, benefactor and patron of my soul, Father Macarius! It happened to me to express myself eloquently in secular writings; but I’m at a loss to express what I feel at the present moment. I beg you to accept and pay attention to my message. Guilty before you, guilty before the Lord. Forgive for the sake of Christian mercy. Your good advice remains fresh in my memory; but, alas! – almost none of them have been fulfilled. I am very sad and extremely embarrassed that I did not fulfill your orders. It is with fear that I decide to write to you; but my letter consists of a true description of my sinful actions and thoughts. I decided to go to St. Petersburg on my business without your blessing. I complained to you that you do not recommend trips to the capitals. In advance I ask you to forgive me as the most sinful son of the Church. I confess to you that even now I was afraid to write about failure to follow your advice; I was even burdened by them, thinking like this: after all, I am not a monk and cannot leave the world! Finally, even now the thought does not leave me that you forbade me from traveling to capitals and worldly amusements. Everything described greatly disturbs my sinful soul; but most of all I’m afraid of hiding something from you. I earnestly ask you to honor me with your answer. My wife and so on." The letter was hastily rewritten and sent. When the messenger left, I began to re-read the brouillon (chernetka) and became unusually embarrassed. I felt so annoyed with myself, and with my wife, and with Fr. Macarius, that I was ready to send him in pursuit of a messenger and turn him back; and he sent it, but the messenger returned with nothing. I was simply beside myself with frustration and only calmed down when I received from Fr. Makaria's response letter. Here it is: “Most honorable of the Lord! In your letter, you acknowledge in some cases the failure to fulfill what was due, calling them my orders. But what do I mean? And can I order anything to anyone? Yes, I can’t give advice to anyone or anything without asking. And whoever asks me about something, I, praying then, call on God for help, what, to whom and how should be said, but not to command, but to give advice, in accordance with the commandments of God and the decrees of the Church. For failure to comply with this, I cannot demand an account or penalty, because I do not advise on my own; and everyone must confirm with his conscience what he has sinned against God, and bring repentance with the intention of starting a correction. You were afraid to confess to me, thinking that you are not a monk and cannot leave the world and that I forbid you from traveling to capitals and worldly amusements. How is this possible? What right do I have to stop you? But I must say not as a monk, but as a Christian, the teaching of St. Apostle: If anyone wants to be a friend of the world, he becomes an enemy of God [James 4:4]. And again: Do not love the world, nor anyone else in the world; if anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him, as everything in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the self, and the pride of life, is not from the Father, but is of this world [1 John 2:15]. You see that there is a world that friendship puts at enmity with God - not people, but the passions to which we are subjected out of imitation of the world and the light. Do not think that by writing this to you, I am forbidding you to deal with the world, but I am only offering you the teaching of the apostles as a precaution. You have autocracy, reason and law. Can I compel autocracy, reason, reasoning and will? And you can choose whatever you want, good or opposite.” After reading the elder’s letter several times, I did not know what to do. But when my thoughts returned to a normal state, my agitated spirit calmed down, then I weighed on the scales of my mind the truths proposed by Fr. Makariy. What a logically true truth that vain friendship with the world puts us at enmity with God! It is very clear that it is not people, but our passions, to which we are so easily subjected out of imitation of the light, that constantly drag us down to fall. Which of us, having trusted our conscience, does not admit that, if not completely impossible, then it is very difficult to refrain from imitating secular, not entirely Orthodox customs! Is it possible to maintain a sense of chastity in a seductively elegant ballet? Will contrition of spirit appear after a loud opera or humility after an amusing vaudeville? Thinking about all this, I felt my heart squeezing with some kind of painful tightness; The question of the hour of death arose in the agitated soul. Horror seized me, and I hoped only for God to save me from cowardice and storm [Isa.54:9]. At these moments I remembered the words of the elder about children walking under the supervision of their parents, and, confused in spirit, I thought with childish simplicity to turn to God asking for His help. But where can we get childlike simplicity? It is alien to the corrupted human heart; she is suppressed by an arrogant mind and immense pride. There was nothing to do; I had to turn to the humble wisdom of the Elder of God for help. That’s what we did: instead of going to St. Petersburg, we went to Optina Pustyn. With some kind of sinking heart, I drove into the courtyard of the monastery hotel. It was about three o'clock in the afternoon. As soon as they assigned us an apartment, Fr. Macarius, who was at the hotel at that time. Having blessed and greeted us, he said in a joking tone: “See how scary I am! You are a hundred miles away and even then you are afraid of me. And to be honest, I rejoice and thank God for you. It's not me you're afraid of; and you are afraid that your life is not good. Don't be embarrassed by this, however. The Lord will help you. This is the beginning of your correction. Just have a good will, and the Lord will arrange your salvation. And if I am not skilled and was not able to teach you so that you would not be embarrassed, then forgive me for God’s sake and do not complain about me. After all, I am also a man, the same sinner as all people, even more sinner than many, very many. If you thought anything or said anything bad about me, then forget and don’t think about it. We are Christians. Each of us is obliged, by forgiving each other, to bear brotherly weaknesses, according to the words of the apostle: Bear one another’s burdens, so that you may fulfill the law of Christ [Gal.6:2]. Calm down, I ask you, and be peaceful.” After talking a little more, Fr. Macarius left. Left alone, I thought: what kind of miracles are these! For several weeks my soul was in constant agitation. Thoughts constantly changed and generated in the heart either anger, annoyance, melancholy, anxiety; and suddenly, after his tender words, filled with Christian love, this whole spiritual storm passed... Is this really from imagination? Why, however, has no one else ever had such an influence on me as this simple monk? After all, it’s not a fairy tale that several weeks ago I was unwell in spirit, I hardly slept peacefully for a single night; and now I feel as if I was born into the world. No, involuntarily you will come to the conviction that there is divine grace here, always healing the weak, that it healed me with the prayerful help of the elder, that with him the omnipotent help of God came to me and drove out sorrow from my soul, replaced the sinking of my heart with some kind of silence, shed lightness, peace and tranquility into my entire being. No, Elder of God,” I said decisively, “now I will not leave you and, to the extent of my strength, I will carry out all your advice!” During the several days we spent in Optina Pustyn, this is what mainly remains in my memory. When we started talking about the elder’s last letter, according to which I came to the monastery, Fr. Macarius said: “Remember, I wrote to you that you have autocracy, reason and law. Think sensibly: you have been given the will to live as you want; a law has been given to all of us, how we are obliged to live; and finally - reason, to understand the law and see how we control our will. Are the deeds done according to our will consistent with the provisions of the law? What prevails over us—the firm intention to fulfill the commandments or the crafty and at the same time tempting temptation of worldly pleasures? Who is able to resist the temptations of the enemy on his own? Who, sailing on the sea of ​​life, does not know stormy misfortunes on the choppy waves? Meanwhile, each of us must strive for a quiet haven that leads us from ashes to the Lord, Who calls all those who labor and are burdened, promising to give them rest. Remember that we are all here temporarily, and no one knows when we will appear before the Lord of glory. But know that what they find us doing is what they will judge us for. And if we use our autocracy for evil and do not submit our rational will to the law, I repeat - it will be terrible for a sinner to fall into the hands of the living God! Do not think that I suggest that you run away from communication with the world or shun acquaintance with kind and good people. No. Every person must live where the Lord has determined for him to live. You are a secular person; you are a member of your society. Do not shun him, but try to live piously, not judging anyone, loving everyone; in all everyday conflicts, reproach yourself, trying to excuse the other. If someone has offended you in some way, then think that this was allowed by God in order to somewhat test your Christian patience. Remember often the greatness of God and your wretched insignificance. Be attentive to your work and do not allow yourself to think about your dignity, like the Pharisee, but repeat the publican’s prayer more often; read books for old people, subscribe to spiritual journals. This will keep you busy and confirm you in spiritual work” 121. When I settled down in the village and got to know my neighbors better, a rumor spread that they wanted to appoint me to the election service. I really didn’t want to enslave myself for several years, not foreseeing anything in this except embarrassment in life and deprivation of my freedom. Having met Fr. Macarius, I turned to him with the question of what he would advise me to do in this case. “You should not seek or ask,” he answered, “to be elected to any position; but in no case should it be refused. For it is not entirely conscientious to shirk serving society, especially since if the lot of service falls on you, then this, of course, is not without the Providence of God, to which each of us must submit with humility and love. Finally, if none of the well-intentioned and capable people wants to serve, then inevitably his place will be taken by someone who has little knowledge or, even worse, a person with little means of living, who will sometimes be unable to resist the financial temptations that may be encountered in the service. The person you choose will begin to take bribes and judge biasedly; and you will begin to scold him, condemn him and get angry with him, and who is to blame? You yourself; because you are lazy to serve, while you have every means to refrain from any illegal income. After all, you won’t be tempted by money-grabbing? 122 - he asked, fixing his kind, penetrating eyes on me. “Isn’t it true?” “Of course,” I answered, “it’s not dangerous for me personally. Having been in military and civil service, I never had any income; I am convinced now that I will never have them again.” “Oh, how bad you speak! – the elder interrupted me almost with anger. – What proud thoughts you have! How can you speak so arrogantly?! Don’t you know of examples that there were people about whom public opinion said that they, in the strict sense of the word, were honest; and this opinion was not wrong. They were indeed impeccably honest, but when they were entrusted with large sums of money, it was then that the evil one misled them. Prideful pride took its toll: passionate attachment to worldly pleasures tempted their weak souls; Of course, not without difficulty and not without remorse, they decided to worship the golden calf as a means to satisfy their passions, and they fell because their honesty was based on pride alone. They were presumptuously honest and, moreover, feared only the light, not thinking about future life and responsibility before the all-righteous Judge of the living and the dead. I advise you to talk about your intentions without arrogance, but with humility. It is clear that you will not be tempted by a hundred rubles or a thousand, let’s say, even more than that; because according to your condition, such an amount is not so important. And if you had the opportunity to acquire a million, several millions, and acquire them with hope, maybe they won’t recognize you; what would you do? I will answer you this way: if you turn to the Lord, He will help and save you from a shameful fall; and if you rely on yourself, then it is very no wonder that you will fall into crime; from which may the Lord God and the Queen of Heaven protect you!” Once I said about. Macarius, that a monk came to see me with a collection for the monastery, that he behaved indecently to his rank, and his manners were unpleasant for me, that I got angry and could hardly restrain myself from expressing this to him. Father Macarius thought for a moment and then said: “Our brother monk came to visit you and behaved indecently to his rank. I feel sorry for him. And yet, this did not happen without the Providence of God, guiding us all. How do you know - maybe Providence brought him to you in order to test how much Christian love and condescension you have for a person who has fallen into temptation? Think carefully, is it your business to condemn him? Of course not. Your duty is to accept the strange, calm him down and serve him as best you can. Do you know that if you accept someone who comes to you in the name of the righteous, then you will also accept the reward of the righteous. If you duly accept a monk who bears the rank of angel, then you will not lose a reward for this. And if a monk wears his rank unrighteously, you will not be held responsible for it. Moreover, you only see how he sins; Do you know how he repents? Perhaps the Angels of God rejoice at his repentance.” While visiting Optina Pustyn, I met one of the spiritual children, Fr. Macaria. An acquaintance of mine happened to stop in our direction on business. About thirty versts from my estate he became very ill. Having learned about this, I immediately visited him, took upon myself all the troubles regarding his affairs, looked after him like a nanny, in a word, I used all means to be useful to him. The patient had a hard time recovering and, according to the doctors, he hardly had to get up from his painful bed, but, to everyone’s surprise, he recovered and, when he came to me, instead of thanking me, he spoke and caused me a lot of trouble. I got terribly angry and if I didn’t say anything insolent to him, it was only out of decency and out of fear of causing some kind of scandal. After seeing Fr. Macarius, I told him everything that had happened, and complained bitterly about my acquaintance, not at all embarrassed in expressing my anger. Father Macarius listened to everything, but remained silent. I felt annoyed; I also fell silent. “Indeed,” said Fr. Macarius with his usual modesty - this man is a little careless, sometimes even discourteous, but what should I do with him? You see what my spiritual children are like! Sometimes I am also unkind to him and even often scold him. Well? And sometimes he doesn’t listen to me. How many times have I reprimanded him for driving uselessly; and every year it either ruins or completely drives away several horses. After all, this is also not good, I tell him, but he contradicts. Wait. This is how he will come to me, I will talk to him, and if the Lord helps, you will make peace. And now I advise you to pacify your anger and talk. This matter will be more beneficial for your soul.” I started fasting. And a few days later, my Optina acquaintance who insulted me came to the monastery. When I came to Fr. Macarius accepted his forgiveness and blessing for confession, the elder said: “But you are not yet peaceful towards such and such? How can you begin the sacrament of repentance and communion without making peace with everyone? I ask you, prove to me in practice that you have a desire to acquire humility: humble yourself and ask for forgiveness from the one who offended you.” It was difficult to cope with the wounded pride. I hesitated for several minutes; but then he saw that there was nothing to do, he had to submit to the elder. For the first time in my life, I went to ask for forgiveness from the person who insulted me. But when I went in and bowed to him, he was so embarrassed that I felt sorry for him. We hugged and kissed the kiss of peace. With extraordinary joy in my heart, I returned to my father. “Save you, Lord, for your obedience to me!” - said the elder when I told him everything that happened between us. - Now go to confession. God bless you! After receiving the Holy Mysteries, I remained in the Hermitage for several more days and while talking with Fr. Makariem once said: “Why, father, did you not reproach me at the time when I complained about so-and-so, but, on the contrary, even condemned him yourself, taking my side?” “Yes,” answered the elder, “I sinned in this, that I condemned my brother. But what was I supposed to do? If I had begun to reproach you then, it is very little wonder that you would have become unpeaceful against me. After all, fire cannot be extinguished with oil. When a person is not peaceful, contradiction only irritates him. There must be room for anger. And when the stormy state subsides and peace begins to settle in his soul, then one can offer advice, which will have a much more effective effect and will be accepted with more love. And I advise you to be careful in such cases. Do not reproach, rebuke, or argue with a person in the wrath of existence; or better yet leave him alone. Just be attentive to yourself so as not to fall into unworldliness; and when you feel that your heart is irritated, then mentally remember the Jesus Prayer and try to guard with your mouth.” Over the course of several years of my acquaintance with Optina Pustyn and the guidance of Fr. Macarius, I quietly read and heard a lot from the Holy Scriptures and from old books. The pride inherent in man gave birth to a desire in me to conduct religious conversations in the company of heterogeneous people, sometimes to enter into disputes with the desire to stand on my own. When I met resistance, I became irritated and lost my temper. Once I told about this to Fr. Macarius; and this is what he answered to me: “If you happen to meet like-minded people, then why not talk about religion? This conversation is incomparably better and more decent for a Christian than some idle talk and idle talk. Why not listen to the spiritually intelligent speech of a well-meaning person; or why not convey what you yourself know? But if a dispute arises, then it is much wiser to avoid it, according to the teaching of the Apostle, who forbids dispute of words; because it serves not for needs, but for the ruin of those who hear. In this case, it is better to stop the conversation, but then wisely, with humility, or by changing the subject of the discussion, or gradually withdraw from it, but not fall silent at once, as if suddenly. For such silence can easily give rise to the idea in those arguing that you disdain their way of thinking or that you do not want to talk to them, considering them unworthy of your conversation. In any case, we should try to pacify every person, and not draw him into angry passion. Know also that for those who contradict, teaching is useless, for only those who desire and seek teaching can learn.” It would be possible to tell many more edifying speeches and lessons in God from the deceased elder Macarius; but these are enough to see all the spiritual wisdom and experience of the man of God. I will also try, as best I can, to outline the general nature of his mentoring activities. Whatever he proposed, he always put humility at the forefront of his advice. From this virtue he derived all the other virtues that make up the characteristics of a true Christian. Trust your conscience, be in constant struggle with your passions, cleanse your soul from sins, love God in the simplicity of your heart, believe in Him without reasoning, constantly have His boundless mercy before you and with all the strength of your soul praise and thank Him; in all the troubles of life, look for guilt in ourselves and forgive all guilt of our neighbor against us, in order to thereby petition the Lord for forgiveness of our sins; try to establish love for your neighbor, maintain peace and tranquility in your family circle, wholeheartedly participate in both the joys and sorrows of your household and all your acquaintances; remember more often the commandments of God, try to fulfill them, as well as church decrees; If possible, fast and receive Holy Communion several times a year. Tain; observe all four fasts, as well as Wednesday and Friday; attend all-night vigil and mass every holiday; read morning and evening prayers and at least a few psalms every day; and if time permits, then a chapter from the Gospel and the Apostolic Epistles; in addition, morning and evening, pray for the repose of the departed and for the salvation of the living, and at the head of this prayer, pray with reverence for the Sovereign Emperor and for the entire reigning house. If any of these duties, due to some circumstances, did not have to be fulfilled, then reproach yourself for this, bring sincere repentance with the firm intention not to do this in the future; pray for those towards whom we have any displeasure; since this is the surest means of reconciliation in Christ. This is the essence of the lessons taught by Fr. Macarius to everyone who thirsted for edification and teaching from him! 123 A distinctive character trait of Fr. Macarius had inexpressible love for his neighbor. When he heard about some misfortune or sorrow of his neighbor, or about some sinful fall, or about a family quarrel, etc., no matter how hard the elder tried to hide his feelings, it was clear to everyone that he would grieve the mourners and sympathize with them with all his soul. With what pure love he rejoiced when anything worthy of spiritual joy happened to anyone! One gentleman I knew lived separately from his wife for about twenty years. The hatred between the spouses was mutual, but as a result of the elder’s admonitions, they came together and now live as God would lead everyone to live. With what delight the priest told us about this, attributing, of course, the success of the matter not to himself, but to God, who does not want the death of a sinner, and sincerely giving praise to Him! The elder’s calmness in moments of his mentoring activity was amazing. He listened with equal patience to absurd superstition and insane freethinking, to the senseless complaint of a peasant woman and the intricate inquisitiveness of an emancipated lady, to the ingenuous story of a commoner and the intricately woven phrase of a learned sage. Nothing could disturb his Christian patience, his complete peace of mind. Everything was subdued by him to the deepest humility. He was a true teacher of moral theology and spiritual work. His teachings were not flowery; but the spirit was heard in them, warmth was felt, the hardest heart softened. On the eve of the death of Fr. Macarius, September 6, my family and I were honored to receive the last blessing from him. Our benefactor blessed us with icons. And here are his last, barely audible words to us: “Remember God and the hour of death; keep peace and love among yourself and for everyone.” Borrowed from “Home Conversation”, published in the last 19th century by Viktor Ipatievich Askochensky. 1862, issue 12, March 24. But can this be said about spiritual journals of the present time? Saint Theophan, the Recluse of Vyshensky, wrote in one letter back in 1876: “What has happened to our spiritual learning? Everything is stolen from the Germans. At least they would redo it... otherwise they often do it completely... and they don’t blink, but cut out the Protestant absurdities.” (Soulful reading. 1910, February p. 212). According to another reading - abundance, the same as excessive care about collecting wealth. The instructions given here by the elder regarding prayer rules, without a doubt, apply only to worldly people; and monastics, in addition to general Christian duties, have their own, longer, rules.