Письмо 69

As much as I can notice your structure: you are quick and ardent for everything, but unfounded and unsteady, and with every wind you bark and waver. You write that you are consoled by my letters, but then you become embarrassed again, and even more so when you do not receive my answer to your letter for some time - and to such an extent that it is difficult to express... How much time I have for letters, you do not know; how many of these do I have? It happens that they lie up to 60, but I don’t answer many; I can only do two or three; because you have to write everything with your own hand; but I don’t have enough strength or time. You need to be firm in your faith and not waver; when it happens that you don’t write for a long time, attribute it to the will of God, and thereby strengthen yourself. What have you gained from my teaching? And is this the fruit of obedience? And you deceive yourself that you have obedience to me, but from obedience humility is born: and you, instead of it, acquired embarrassment - the obvious fruit of pride. When you want to be called and be a true novice, then try to acquire humility, patience and love in everything, not only for your neighbors who love you, but also for your enemies according to the commandment of the Lord; and without humility and love, our exploits cannot be pleasing to God. You write that you are counting your supposedly good deeds: you followed the monastic rule, made monastic bows, didn’t drink tea, didn’t eat butter. Is it really possible to just stop there and get carried away by the thought that I have fulfilled and am fulfilling the monastic rule? Should we not seek or expect the fruits of our work? And spiritual fruit is love, joy, peace, long-suffering, faith, meekness, self-control (Gal. 5:22). And St. Anthony tells about one virgin, fasting and fulfilling the rule, whom a skillful elder asked: “Have you had poverty, like abundance? dishonor as praise? Enemy like friends? - And when she said that she didn’t have these actions, then he told her: “go, do it, nothing imashi.” Be careful not to be carried away by your opinion about the fulfillment of fasts and rules, but humble yourself for your lack of humility, love, meekness and meekness. And St. Macarius writes that “whoever does not force himself to patience, to love, to meekness, to humility, but only forces himself to pray, then this is not prayer, but a mask of prayer.” You write that you are reading a book - brotherly love: it’s strange to me that you can’t even name the book correctly; How can we benefit from it? It is called Philokalia, not brotherly love. The book is very useful and soul-saving; it teaches both active and speculative virtues; but if, leaving the first ones, you take up the last ones, then not only will you not receive any benefit, but you may also be damaged. Look, be careful! Your desire to move to S...k should be moderate and with anticipation, asking that God’s will be done in this; but at present you are bound by impossibility; for your mother does not agree to this; how can you do something contrary to her? And what might be the consequences? Therefore, there is not yet the will of God for your transition. If you manage to do this, to go there, then do you know what temptations may meet you there? Your imagination pictures only bliss there, but you cannot imagine the sorrows. After all, in every place there is a kind of sorrow and temptation, and due to your cowardice you will feel their burden everywhere; I see this over many, believe me. – You yourself praise your monastery, but there is disorder; but God is able to send a man, and order will be established: everything is subject to change and change. You grieve for your confessor because you have no faith in him; but are you alone there? A hundred or more people are happy, but you alone do not receive spiritual benefit. If, for sure, harm can occur, then God will not allow it to happen, but will send you a true father who cares for his spiritual children. God is able to nourish the God-gathered flock with spiritual nourishment: the dean will come and faithfully reach him; if there is such a disorder, then he will enter into your position. In absentia, I cannot absolve sins at confession: there are church rules for this, even in person in someone else’s diocese one should not accept confession. You, having written to me about your infirmities, may have received relief in your conscience by God’s mercy; but I don’t have the power to authorize it in absentia. In your letter dated February 1st, you invited me to come to us, and asked for my blessing for this; but from your other letter I see that your intention was upset and you remained calm in place. I don’t find any benefit from your visit; You can’t hide secretly from your mother; and how much sorrow there will be after! Maybe you won't bear it. It’s enough that she promises to let you go in the summer, and wait until then. Be careful; Do not enter into any monastic affairs that do not concern you: do not judge the abbess with anyone; Correct obedience according to your strength and consider yourself the last of all, this will calm you down; otherwise you bring sorrow upon yourself by being curious about matters and reasoning about them. Many sinners. Macarius. February 18, 1847. You might be interested in: