Письмо 46

Your harassing letters offend me a lot: I must respond to every letter of yours with an explanation and justification; Now there are 50 letters on the table (which I must answer; but I don’t know how soon I can satisfy them), but not a single one is like that. What's the problem that you don't have an answer for a month? I have letters lying around for two months; and more than one thing happens: I can answer two or three with one; but I don’t see any chilling from them, and I don’t give an answer. When my eyes are weak, so that I can hardly fix a pen, there is also a weakness in my health, so that I can barely write two or three letters a day; and here is an activity with people; but at night I am no longer able to write! Leaving everyone behind, I only have you to blame for not writing for a long time. How great is your pride: you don’t respect anyone’s needs, as long as you are satisfied. You still repeat about the sorrow that will come upon you: this matter has already been decided; when you have a calm conscience, I advise you to shut up about this; and if you keep reminding me, you won’t hear a word from me. You are still embarrassed about the letters that may not arrive correctly; However, until now, I have not seen this in experience, then in truth you must reproach yourself (which you do, as you yourself attest), and ask whether self-reproach alone is sufficient, without any effort to fulfill the commandments of God? If self-reproach is true, then it will bring the fruit of doing God’s commandments, but if it is imaginary, then do not expect them either. It is obvious that humility is born from self-reproach, and the Lord looks upon it and gives strength to action; and according to the words of Isaac the Syrian: “Humility alone, without good deeds, can save us; but on the contrary, without humility, deeds are useless” (page 46). Read from St. Abba Dorotheus about self-reproach, and you can confirm with Callistus and Ignatius; and also at St. Gregory of Sinaita, ch. 117, at the end about humility, which is bestowed through the allowance of falls. I congratulate Mother O. on accepting the angelic image and ask her prayers for me, a sinner. May the Lord bless her, and may she be worthy to preserve those humble feelings that she had while preparing for tonsure. Only such talents, without temptations, are very dangerous; the enemy can deceive with holy things, but temptations will subdue. Be the will of the Lord. One should not be afraid of temptations, and not jump into them; and whatever God sends, receive with thanksgiving; God's love is learned in the cross, not in the sweetness of consolation. U. V., it seems, has not yet fully understood that monastic life is a narrow and regrettable path that leads into the eternal life. Why is the path narrow and sad? Not because he was like that in essence - what is easier than love, meekness and humility? - But because we are possessed by passions and cannot resist them: they make our path sorrowful. She, perhaps, thought of finding peace in a monastery, but does not take the means for this, which the Lord Himself taught us: learn from Me, for I am meek and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls (Matthew 11:29). However, there is no need to lose hope that she will come to true reason, and her morality will be softened by some temptations; and serves you as a brush, cleaning the rust of your silver; otherwise you and I are only good when everything subserviently to us and nothing resists. I.M. December 2, 1844. You might be interested in: