Письмо 291
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In the first, you describe the illness that occurred from intemperance, or from man-pleasing - it doesn’t matter, only “the Lord punished me with punishment, but He did not give me over to death” (Ps. 117:18); - Praise and thank the Lord who saves you. – In your letter you condemn yourself for coldness in prayer and lack of humility, which you have no occasion for; this cannot be said that you do not have cases: the very fact that your hand is on everyone should humble you, thinking about your own badness; and let your coldness in prayer be covered and replaced with humility, instead of embarrassment that you do not have warmth and tears in prayer; the tears of frivolous people are even more painful; Now, having no tears, you involuntarily recognize your poverty, and with them you would dream of the wealth of spiritual gifts; I do not attribute praise to you for your coldness, but it is not safe to rely on tears, according to the word of St. Climacus: “Do not believe those tears that flow before your cleansing”; if she truly humbled herself, then tears could appear, as it is said in the beatitudes: after spiritual poverty, weeping (Matthew 5:3, 4).
Elder Paisius, having been the head of many fraternities, acquired humility from this, considering himself unworthy to see his subordinates, as they were deprived of the virtue of obedience, and seeing them in need of this; but you and I, and even more so, should humble ourselves, seeing our deep poverty in everything. You are afraid of sudden death: who instilled this in you? The image of our death is hidden from all of us, but we always ask the Lord for a peaceful, shameless death and a good answer at the terrible judgment of Christ, and we must surrender in everything to the will of God. The fear of death is useful in that we can refrain from sins, but not reach the point of embarrassment; Humble yourself, and the Lord will save you (Ps. 115:5). M. M... is pathetic, and of course her desire is not according to Bose; but there are also many who mourn, not for the mantle, but also for the cassock; this comes from ambition, but it seems to them that from the search for salvation; salvation lies in humility, but there is none, so they grieve for the outer garment that brings honor. Mnogohreshny I.M. March 5, 1849.
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