Письмо 277

I received the letter you sent on the 24th of June in a timely manner, and I am answering it with my sister K-oh. That I did not come to you, let everyone judge this as he wants: but I have the judgment of my conscience, which does not reproach me at all: on the 22nd of May I was in K-e, and that day was the end of my term on my passport: how could I stretch into the depths of the journey when a lot lay ahead of me on the way back: Lent was approaching, and I received news that our bishop would be visiting us on Trinity Week; and no matter how I hurried, I could barely make it to the monastery by June 5th, to the very ceremony; Fortunately, the bishop postponed his arrival for another week, otherwise it would not have been without temptation - he was overdue for two weeks. If someone doesn’t like it, I’m not an imam about this thing; and although they will not come to us, I will not be offended in the least, for I do not seek their faith and do not attract them to myself, and I do not drive away what is coming; and you are complaining why I didn’t notify you that I would be in K–e, you would have come there yourself. How would you hide it? You would thus raise a mountain of temptations upon yourself; What's your weakness? You can express everything in a letter, and you do: if I didn’t even have time to deal with you, you would have returned more with sorrow than with pleasure. You please the S-th monastery by the fact that I was there: but this happened once in 10 years; meanwhile, during this time, except for this time, it happened to me that I was 45 miles away from them, and did not go to see them; from this what can you conclude? Is it my special disposition towards them, or something else? It seems that they would have more of a right to grumble at me: to be so close and not visit them; but I have my own reasons and obstacles that did not allow me to do this, and more because it was not the will of God. In response to your last letter, I will say that you try to restrain yourself from swear words, which causes your spiritual eye to be troubled with rage, and you, having been blind yourself, can no longer lead the blind; just like I, a great sinner, am blinded by passions in everything, but I dare to lead the blind. Pray for me: may my eyes be enlightened and I will see the right path; I will undoubtedly tell others to follow it. Mnogohreshny I.M. July 11, 1843. You might be interested in: