Письмо 271

In response to your request: whether to tell you a decisive word about the transition or not, I can’t muster the courage because very often circumstances change, and with them feelings take a different direction, as you yourself testify to this, that now it is more peaceful than before; there are still about five months before you leave; I mean, before the month of May there may be many changes both in circumstances and in feelings; then, admonishing the Lord, through the prayers of our father Leo, we can decide on something, but now let’s wait; Let us reproach ourselves, look at our own weaknesses, and not those of others; Was it not by God’s will that such a temptation was allowed to you (God even works for our benefit in opposite things) in order to distract you from your unhelpful and harmful actions and unnecessary thoughts, something that you could not get rid of voluntarily; although you desired silence, it was far from you; and you must admit that you saw vices in many - I won’t say in all of them, and did not stop to expose where, and who, whether it was necessary or not; but “the good eye will not see the evil one” (Hab. 1:13). Lord help you to see everyone as saints and angels, and yourself as the only sinner. Now that the circle of your actions has been reduced, an opportunity has opened for you to examine yourself; Do we live our lives according to God’s commandments? Do we keep our tongues from evil? Do we love enemies as friends? Do we accept reproach as praise? Do we kiss poverty more than wealth? In all of this there is considerable scarcity in our dispensation. - What should we do? Sit and cry for your dead. Exactly, you don’t know whether you will find something better with your relatives, not only in your soul, but also in your body; It seems to the imagination that you won’t have such troubles there, due to lack of connections and so on; But you don’t think about the fact that perhaps something else awaits you, something unforeseen, which can bring sorrow and illness to the heart, and even lead to bewilderment and double-mindedness. It often happens to those who move to another place: customs, institutions, rank, etc. - everything brings a chill, which does not happen in the same way as and to what we are accustomed; all our senses: our hearing to hear, our eyes to see - we are used to it, but it is done differently. I experienced this myself. You cannot conclude from the fact that you look good here - as if the enemy is making you feel sorry to leave the place. On the contrary, we must thank God for these blessings and surrender ourselves to His holy will, and He will arrange it in a way that will benefit us. Accept reprimands and reproaches, do not be faint-hearted, remembering that your tongue has also fired enough poisonous arrows at others; Take for help the reasoning of that brother who imagined his sins: “if God moves men against you, then in a little while the whole world will cease to be held against you,” St. Isaac the Syrian word 20. And do not blame those who slander so strictly, but in another case justify them, but blame yourself; after all, you were quite frank with E-e, you said what you had forgotten: you must remember what she did after leaving P-y’s mother; now he is doing the same for you; and maybe with an app. It was bitter for P—e, although in truth, to endure reprimands; E-i’s betrayal is not sweet for you either; and even on which you so firmly hoped, and were not careful in your words; The word of the Holy Scripture does not pass by: You measure accordingly, and it will be measured back to you (Matthew 7:2). Don’t look for an apology from E—and blame yourself more; When you blame yourself and thank God, the Lord will comfort you even more, and will inalienably create it for you, and will not allow you to fall under what you fear because of your former suspicion. N. F—na writes that she is now at peace in S—e, and is pleased with N.’s mother and sisters. I wish that you too have peace, and I send my unworthy blessing to all your sisters in Christ, and, entrusting all of you to the protection of God, I remain your unworthy pilgrim, the great sinner I.M. December 13, 1841. You might be interested in: