Письмо 143

You describe your temptation, through A–but the confusion that followed. This is a test for you - how do you accept it, and so that you can see your weaknesses: she can be excused, even though she had no intention of devoting herself to the monastic life, and you need to act more skillfully so as not to subject her to punishment for the fact that she was rude to you, meanwhile serving you for so many years. You can write to your father that you don’t want to bore anyone, but you find in her boredom and reluctance to monastic life, and an inclination more towards secular or worldly life, therefore, when you release her, you ask not for punishment, but for reward for the service; and when she is punished, even though it is because of her guilt before you, then your conscience cannot be peaceful, and in vain you will deceive yourself with the peace of your cell; I don’t know what you are still doing, but I found it necessary to write you this. Your cell life, I wish it to be peaceful; but this is not the only thing required of us, just to read the book and know what is written in it, but we must also stretch ourselves to action, to struggle with passions, to see our own weakness and weakness, to humble ourselves from this - is it really long to educate the inner Pharisee? What may the Lord deliver you from? Compiling your mind about the Rassophorus has no pretext; read the discussion I wrote about this subject, M. Macarius has it; both to seek is reprehensible and to evade is also its own will and mind, and there is a copper wall between them and God, writes St. Dorofei. Is it wise to make a change? - After renunciation, you will begin to search. But you’re probably confident in yourself that this won’t happen, I think I’m not mistaken. Here I am! P-go’s letter is very flattering and edifying, but I am surprised by your high state of mind, that even your vain thought does not reach your heart. How did you manage to overcome this passion so quickly, when even the ascetics were carried away by it? Maybe it's not the same thing that keeps her silent. Driven by sinful vanity, I wanted to write a lot more about this, but I told him to shut up. Live peacefully, calmly, give the old ladies tea, and remember that passions still lurk inside the heart, like harmful roots in the ground, hidden in winter; and as soon as the warmth of the air and moisture reach them, they vegetate, and we are given opportunities to see what darkness of passions has not been destroyed by us. The sinful hieromonk Macarius. November 23, 1846. “No one,” says the Climacus, will enter the palace of heaven wearing a crown unless he makes the first, second and third renunciation. The first renunciation of the world and others in the world; the second renunciation of will and reasoning; the third renunciation of vanity, followed by obedience. From these there is first the most convenient, but for lovers of God; the second seeks heroic deeds and bloody labor to the point of death, the third conquers itself by constant self-reproach, but for all of this, God’s invisible help is present, and without it, not a single one of these can be powerfully corrected”; from the letter of Elder Paisius (p. 76). This is the best compass of our dispensation. You might be interested in: