Слезное моление в четверг вечером

Here again I fall at the door of my Master, asking, pleading, worshiping and crying out in fear. For it is better for a servant who has sinned against his Master not to escape His hands, but to remain in His power. Hear, O Lord, my lamentation and accept the words of my petition, which I, a shamed sinner, bring to You. Pour on me, poor one, in Your mercy, at least a small drop of conversion, so that I may have at least a little zeal for correcting myself. For if Your grace does not enlighten my soul, I will not be able to see passions and negligence in myself. Alas, the sin that has prevailed over me has found its pasture in me, and every day it humiliates me more and more and plunges me into the depths, and I, the accursed one, do not cease to anger God, not fearing that unquenchable fire, not trembling at immortal torment! Sin, turning into a habit, leads me to complete destruction. Although I reprove myself and do not cease to bring confession, I nevertheless remain in sins. I look, and I don’t see, because I sin in repentance itself, I don’t discern my deeds, but I blame my repentance. As a slave of sin, and unwillingly, I do evil; as a militant under the power of sin, I submit to it, and, having the opportunity to escape, I pay tribute to this skill that reigns in me. Caring about passions, I take taxes from the flesh. I know that corruption in me is intensifying, and as a slave, as soon as they order, I immediately contribute to it. I avoid future warfare and, like a dog on an iron chain, return to the one giving the order. I hate sin, I abhor iniquity, but I remain in passion, because it possesses me, the unfortunate one, and, against my will, submitting to voluptuousness, I am of necessity servile to nature. Passion has bought my will and pours sin on me. Passions boil inside me despite my mind, I have united them with the flesh, and they do not tolerate separation. I hasten to change my will, and my previous state opposes me in doing so. I am trying, poor thing, to free my soul, but an evil lender is putting me into great debt; does not remind you of giving, but lends generously; never wants to take it back, but only wants my slavery; gives that I may be enriched by passions, and does not collect the debt. I want to give him an old debt, but he adds a new one. If I put a little pressure on myself in my passions, then in order to overthrow me, he gives me new passions. And, seeing that constant being in debt forces me to be a sinner, it introduces new desires into me and, so that I do not confess, plunges me into oblivion of my passions. I meet new passions and, occupied with them, forget about the old ones. I make friends with newly emerging passions, and again I find myself in debt; I run to them as to friends, and my lenders again treat me like rulers; and I, who not long before tried to gain freedom, for their sake am becoming a dearly sold slave. I hasten to break their bonds, and suddenly I am burdened with new ones. I hasten to free myself from warfare in their ranks and, as having taken many gifts from them, I find myself their steward. Oh, what power sinful passions have over me! Oh, what a reign of the cunning, insidious serpent! I act according to nature, and he enters into the bargain, gives a deposit in order to sell the mind to sin itself. Convinces me to please the flesh under the pretext of using it to serve the soul; and I am overcome by voluptuousness and, immediately abandoning myself to intemperate sleep, I am completely deprived of her service. When I pray, the thought of some insignificant pleasure inspires me, and with it, like a copper chain, my weak mind is held, and if the mind wants to run away, it does not loosen the bonds. Thus sin keeps the mind under guard and locks the door of knowledge. Malice constantly watches the mind so that it does not come into agreement with God and does not prevent the sale of the flesh, brings in many confused thoughts, assures that at the Judgment there will not even be a question about such a small thing, that it is impossible even to be aware of these thoughts and that everything like this will be consigned to oblivion. But I imagine my own conviction before my eyes and I know that punishment threatens me. By this he holds, by this he binds, by this he sells and buys me sin, by this he misleads me, by this he flatters me, he subjugates me to himself, because, as the apostle says, man is “carnal...sold under sin” (Rom. 7:14). For sin, which is in my flesh, rules over the mind, and because of my guilt, using the flesh to act, it burdens the soul with it. If anyone intends to fast or remain on vigil, he will inflict wounds on himself; sin, through the flesh, as its property, burdens the soul with chains and, like a sheep to the slaughter and like a bird soaring high, binds it and, like a strong giant, cuts off its arms and legs through the same flesh. I can neither run nor help myself. Alas, I am a living dead man; I look, and I don’t see, from a man he has become a dog, they treat me, the reasonable one, like cattle! Have mercy on yourself, soul, and hasten before separation, so that we do not remain behind the doors along with the foolish virgins, because it is impossible for mortals to see life, or to think about righteousness where there is no struggle, in which life and death are acquired, and where there is no flesh, which is subject to reproach by the enemy, overcome by its weakness. “Have mercy on me, O God, according to Your great mercy, and according to the multitude of Your compassions” (Ps. 50:3) For if You have mercy on me, freeing me from the miserable illness of passions, if You only have mercy on me, then I want to be obedient to Your goodness. If You work according to the abundance of Your goodness, You will deliver me. If You pour out Your goodness on me, I will be saved. I am sure that this is possible for you, and I do not deny it. I know that according to the multitude of Your mercies and my sins are many. I know that You have had and have mercy on everyone who turns to You with all their strength. I confess that I too have used Your grace many times, but after all this, having rejected Your grace, I sinned like no one else has sinned. But You, Who raised the dead, also raise me, dead in sin. You, who healed the blind, enlighten the darkened eyes of my heart. You, who delivered Adam from the mouth of the serpent, rescue me from the mire of my iniquities, because I too belong to the number of Your sheep and, according to my desires, I became food for lions. Sins have made me a dog, but, healed by Your grace, I will be a son. I was abandoned like a dead man, but if you want, I will cleanse myself. I know that I sinned knowingly, but I have Your saints as prayer books for me. I know that I exceed all measure with my sins, but Your goodness is irresistible. You, who gave advantage to the publican, give it to me, who did even more evil. You, Lord, had mercy on Zacchaeus as worthy, but have mercy on me, unworthy. Paul was once a wolf, and he drove away the sheep of Your flock; he was a wild beast and scattered the sheep; by Thy grace, I became a shepherd, diligently tending the sheep; I know that out of ignorance he committed a sin and, as one who did not know, was granted remission of sins and greater (greater) grace. But You, Lord, having condemned the sin I committed in my knowledge, have mercy on me according to Your abundant grace. Alas, alas! I am ashamed of those who now respect me, so as not to be ashamed before them for my hidden sins; I am ashamed of those who gave birth to me, so that over time they will not condemn me, who made a vow to live not in a worldly way. I want to become like that widow who, after disturbing the judge for a long time, achieved her goal; To an unrequited (unjustified) friend like me, I want to appear before You, the most good and only Master, so that You may convert the soul captivated by sins. He asked for bread to satisfy his hunger, and I ask for spiritual consolation; he asked for carnal food, and I ask for the appeal of the soul. As the Good and Most Good One, hear the voice of my tearful cry and convert me so that I may bear the fruit of repentance. Water the burning of my conscience, renew me, who have grown old in sinful passions, so that, freed from their slavery, I may pleasantly breathe the air of freedom and glorify Your goodness with joy and joy. You know, Lord, that, without bothering my soul a little, I dare to speak this before You. I, a sinner, also know that You are gracious, Lord, and want me to change, but the fruit of my will is desirable to You; You are ready to have mercy on me, but you are waiting for my disposition to do so, for, by having mercy, you want to teach me and, by forgiving, you want to make me a partaker of Your Kingdom. Oh, how insensitive I am! What poverty is mine! Oh, what a rough and earthy soul! Oh, depraved heart, lips filled with bitterness, my larynx - “the coffin is open!” (Ps. 5:10). Why don’t you remember, soul, about the inevitable path of your separation? Why didn’t you prepare for this procession? Why are you mercilessly approaching death? Why are you bringing eternal torment upon yourself? What are you doing, soul, living like a meaningless wordless thing? Alas, how do I choose darkness instead of light? How can I prefer this pleasure, which I have today and which I will not have tomorrow, to eternal and ineffable blessings? Alas, how, instead of this sunny robe, do I agree to put on a dark and black robe? How do I prefer a dark existence in hell to the Kingdom? Alas for me, a sinner! I alone with knowledge voluntarily inflict wounds on myself. Come, soul, to yourself, fear God, please Him with all sorts of virtues, so as not to accept severe punishments from His hands. Love your God and walk courageously in His path. Understand, soul, that this age is like a race, and the strong serpent strives by all means to gain victory; by others he is deposed and reproached, and others he himself deposes and reproaches; some, deceived by him, are overcome, while others are crowned for fighting him; some, having tasted the bitterness from it, achieve the pleasures of eternal life, while others, having tasted the sweetness from it, acquire the bitterness of eternal torment; Some, through extreme non-acquisitiveness, conveniently gain the upper hand over him, while others he easily overcomes by attachment to earthly things. For those who love God with all their souls, warfare with him means nothing, but for those who love the world, this warfare is difficult and unbearable. Understand, poor soul, that the joy, luxury and peace of this age are filled with sadness and sorrow, but sorrow, fasting, and suffering bring unspeakable joy and eternal life. Turn, soul, strive in silence, so that when the hour of death and separation comes, you will not be unprepared. Think, my soul, about your calling and about your way of life, what your journey is, what it is for, and to what extent. Everyone has reached the end of all earthly things, and your carelessness will end. You might be interested in: