Слезное моление в среду вечером

Love forces me to speak to God, but my unworthiness convinces me to remain silent. Painful illnesses force me to speak, and sins force me to remain silent. My soul is sick, my eyes long for tears. You have sinned, soul, repent. For behold, our days pass like a shadow. You will go through terrible and terrible places. Do not put off for too long, day after day, your turning to the Lord, my soul; come to contrition, my soul, come to contrition at the thought of all the benefits that you received from the Lord and did not keep them; become contrite at the thought of all that you have done, and God has been patient with you; Come to contrition, so that at the Last Judgment of Christ you will not be given over to complete darkness. Woe to me, a sinner! Because through my weakness I have desecrated and will always defile the purity of my heart. Negligence and laziness have disgraced the boldness of my heart; Evil lust commands me like a master over a slave, and I, like a child, immediately obey it with fear. It misleads me, and I enjoy it. Woe is me, Lord! Your grace draws me to life, but I rather prefer death. You take care that I become equal in honor with the Angels, but I, due to my depravity, humiliate myself. My sins have multiplied, Lord, and are constantly multiplying, and there is no limit to their multitude. And who will mourn for me, or plead for me? You alone, my Savior, bowed to mercy by Your goodness, look mercifully on me, the desperate one. How can I beg You, O Lord, because my lips are filled with slander? Or how will I praise You, because my conscience is defiled? Or how will I love You, because I am full of passions? Or how will the truth dwell in me, because I have reproached myself with lies? Or how will I call on You, because I have not kept Your commandments? After I acquired the knowledge of the truth, I became a murderer and an offender, I quarrel over small things, I am envious and cruel to my neighbors, I harbor evil thoughts, I am unmerciful to the poor, I am angry, contentious, stubborn, lazy, irritable, I love smart clothes; and to this day I still have a lot of bad thoughts, outbursts of pride, gluttony, lust, vanity, pride, ill-will, gossip, secret eating, despondency, rivalry, indignation. I don’t mean anything, but I think a lot about myself. I lie constantly, but I am angry at the liars. I desecrate the church of God with lustful thoughts, and I strictly judge fornicators. I condemn those who fall, but I myself continually fall. I condemn slanderers and thieves, but I myself am both a thief and a slanderer. I walk with bright eyes, although I am completely unclean. In churches and at meals, I want to be in first place. I see monks, and I am magnified; I see monks, and I’m proud. I strive to appear pleasant to women, dignified to strangers, intelligent and prudent to my own, perfect to the prudent; I treat the pious as the wisest, I despise the foolish as dumb. If I am offended, I take revenge; if I am honored, I abhor those who honor; if they demand something from me by right, I begin litigation; and whoever tells me the truth, I consider them enemies. Reproached - I am angry; If they don’t flatter me, I’m dissatisfied. I don’t want to honor someone who is worthy, but I myself, being unworthy, demand honor. I don’t want to bother myself, and if someone doesn’t serve me, I get angry with him. I don’t want to go along with those who work, and if someone doesn’t help me in the matter, I will slander him. When my brother is in need, I don’t know how proud he is, but if he is healthy, I turn to him. I hate a sick person, and if I am sick myself, I wish that they would love me. I despise the higher, I despise the lower. If I restrain myself from making unreasonable wishes, I become vain. If I succeed in vigilance, I fall into the net of disobedience and contradiction. If I abstain from food, I drown in arrogance and arrogance. If I am vigilant in prayer, I am overcome by irritability and anger. If I see virtue in someone, I don’t pay attention to him. I have despised all worldly pleasures, and do not lag behind the vain desire for them. If I see women, I have fun. Outwardly I am humble, but in my soul I am arrogant. Apparently I am not acquisitive, but in my mind I suffer from covetousness. And why spread it? Apparently I have renounced the world, but in reality I am again thinking about worldly things. During the service, I engage in conversations, searching for thoughts, and vain recollections; During meals I indulge in idle talk, I have a greed for gifts, I take part in other people’s downfalls, I indulge in disastrous rivalry. This is my life, I contrast so many bad things with my salvation. And my arrogance, my vanity does not allow me to think about my ulcers in order to heal myself. These are my valiant deeds; With such a multitude of sins the enemy attacks me; and with all this, I, the accursed one, strive to become famous for my holiness. I live in sins, but I wish to be considered righteous. I have one justification for all this: the devil brought me to this. But this did not serve as an excuse for Adam. We are sure that the devil taught Cain, but he did not escape condemnation. What will I do if the Lord visits me? I have no excuse for my negligence. I am afraid that I too will not be among those whom Paul called: “vessels of wrath” (Rom. 9:22), for they will undergo a similar fate with the devil and for their neglect God gave them up “in the passion of dishonor” (Rom. 1:26). So, it is dangerous that the same definition should not be pronounced on me. If you want to save me, unworthy, offer repentance, Lord, to me, a sinner; revive, O Giver of Life, my soul, mortified by sins. Wash away the stony hardness from my poor heart and grant me the source of contrition, Who has flowed life for us from His life-giving (life-flowing) rib. Who will not sigh, who will not shed tears for my renunciation of the world? I had not yet truly renounced, but arrogance had already taken over. I have not yet tasted asceticism, but am already bound by vanity. I haven’t even seen the vestibule yet, but I’m already dreaming about what’s inside. I have not yet shown any experience in the rudiments of virtue, but I am already reprimanding my brother. I have not yet come to the knowledge of the truth, but out of my pride I teach others. The all-good God gave you everything, soul: knowledge, meaning, reason; learn what is useful. How do you think you can impart light to your neighbor while you yourself are darkened? Be, soul, your own doctor; at least mourn your blindness. You have no excuse for your negligence. Be sober, soul, stay awake, sigh, shed tears, and with fasting wash away the heavy burden of your sins. Almighty God, who alone has power over life and death, grant me, a sinner, Your great bounties at that hour of Your terrible coming, so that there, before Your terrible throne, I may not become a reproach and a great shame for the Angels, Archangels, prophets, apostles, patriarchs, martyrs, ascetics and all the righteous looking at me. Here, my Savior, here, where I have enjoyed the charm of sin, give me reason as a merciful and child-loving Father, and there forgive me as the Heavenly God, the only Sinless One. Every sin was committed by me, the accursed one, I surpassed everyone in debauchery. I deserve punishment, and if I begin to repent, I will have no tears. Alas, with what eyes will I, sinful and careless, look at that terrible throne on which You, Lord, will sit and denounce what I have done? I know that You, terrible Judge, will convict me in the glory of the Divine. I, poor man, spent my entire life in fornication, constantly wallowing in the mire of voluptuousness. You alone know all my secret falls and all the vastness of my sins, my Creator. No one was as full of sin as I was. No one has upset Your goodness so much, O Lord, as I have, by following the aspirations of vice. But You, like a sea of ​​goodness, dried up the harmful seas of my sins and, like an abyss of mercy, you fell into the abyss of my sins; do not repay me according to the dignity of what I have done; do not condemn me to the fire of hell, because Your wrath is unbearable, O Lord. Who will finally endure His threats? For the fire will not be quenched, and our worm will not die. Fear, soul, threats; wake up the heavy sleep of negligence and the slumber of terrible carelessness. The end is near; The court is at the door. What will greet us after separation from life? Come to me, holy and righteous, who have fought a good deed, and weep for me as if I were dead, or take pity on me as if I were alive but half dead, because I am full of shame and do not have boldness, because of the sins I have committed in my knowledge. Pour your mercy on me, as on a captive, as on one covered with rotten sores. Have mercy on me, like the mysteries of the merciful God, our Savior, and beg Him to turn me into tuna and so that at the hour of His coming I will not find myself unworthy and not hear this terrible definition; “depart from Me,” you worker of “iniquity; I tell you” that I “don’t know” you (Luke 13:27). So, I beg Thee, true Light, the birth of Thy blessed Father, “the image of His hypostasis” (Heb. 1:3), seated at the right hand of His majesty, the incomprehensible Son of God, the unsearchable Christ, praise and joy to those who love You, my life, my light, my Christ; do not despise me, humiliated, do not reject me, vile, because it is extremely pleasant for my enemy when I despair of myself, due to the darkness of vice surrounding me. He only rejoices when he sees that despair makes me his prisoner. But You, in Your compassion, disgrace his hope, snatch me from his teeth, deliver me from his malicious intent, from everything that he erects against me, because he is against me in many ways. Grant me, Lord, enlightenment to the knowledge of the machinations of the resister and the hater of good, because on my way he places countless cases of creeping and temptations, and damage, and the avarice, and the absent-mindedness of this age, and carnal pleasure, and the longevity of real life, timidity towards exploits, laziness towards prayers, sleep and bodily peace during psalmody. As much as the enemy tries for my destruction, so much I, poor one, indulge in carelessness and negligence. And the more snares he sets for me, the more careless I become. Be attentive, soul, take care of your conscience; do not pay attention to the failures of others, but be more attentive to your own failures. Pay no attention to the speck in the eye of your brother and neighbor, but always watch the beam in your own eye. Hurry, warn, make peace with Christ, crucified in the flesh for you. If we condemn ourselves, then perhaps we will not be condemned where there is great and endless condemnation. Have mercy on me, O Lord, according to Your mercy, and save me, according to Your only goodness, through the prayers of our Most Pure Lady Theotokos and all Your saints, because blessed are You forever and ever. Amen. You might be interested in: