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I thank You, Lord, for the supernatural revitalization of my sinful and weak nature by Your divine and life-giving Mysteries: oh, I, indecent, felt Your Divinity when I tasted Your heavenly, life-giving and terrible Mysteries! Your life penetrated into all the components, into the womb, into the heart - the thorns of all sins were burned; the soul is cleansed, thoughts are sanctified; a wonderful world settled in the whole being. Glory to the Lord for this! I thank the Lord, who through my prayer reconciled my wife, a scolder, to me and me to her. Grant patience, generosity, kindness to me and my wife, Lord! I thank the Lord for the miracle of forgiveness, healing, revitalization by life-giving and heavenly Mysteries during the liturgy and after, and for success in the ministry. Glory! Saturday. I praise the Lord for His inexhaustible generosity to me, a sinner, revealed this day during the service of the liturgy, and especially after communion of the Holy Mysteries, for the Lord renewed me again, again miraculously revived me. I thank the Lord, who revived my soul with repentance and tearful tenderness during the all-night vigil. Oh, what sweetness there is in these tears of repentance! What is sweeter than communion with God? Grant us, Lord, to remain in shrines all the days of our lives, so that we may be one with You, the source of shrines. May you love truth with all your heart and hate all lawlessness with complete hatred. Yesterday, during the all-night vigil, my voice suddenly disappeared: I think because I ate cold apples just before the all-night vigil; However, he drank a glass of sherry after that, then went to bed, got very warm and, having warmed up greatly, went out into the cold. I also think that I regurgitated crackers with coffee (at the Semenovs’), a bun at Detper’s, and at home a bun with cabbage soup. There was probably potash in the bun - it was strange: it stuck to my throat and was completely stuck. After the all-night vigil, Uzhikov, the captain, baptized the illegally adopted baby Zinovy, who had a stomach ache. That's a civil marriage. The mother is a girl of fifteen years old. We have sinned and committed lawlessness before You, Lord! We have not done, we have not kept what You commanded us, but do not give us up to the end to perish, O God of our fathers. Incense in the church is a material sign of the shrine of the being of God and His saints and a reminder for us to live in shrines. Holiness is eternally inherent in God - and in the saints, by His grace and gift; and shrines must always be inherent in us, and the stench of sin that is inherent in us must be removed in every possible way through repentance, works, fasting, prayers, alms. Wake up! So, by the grace of God, I can perfectly hear the chime of a pocket watch hanging on the wall quite far away - and I thank the Lord for the gift of hearing. And how I suffered with him! How hard I heard! By obedience to the truth through the Spirit, having purified your souls to unfeigned brotherly love, constantly love one another with a pure heart, as those born again, not from corruptible seed, but from incorruptible, from the word of God, which lives and abides forever (1 Pet. 1:22-23). It is impossible to sincerely say litanies and pray for everyone from the heart, with love, without purifying the soul to unfeigned brotherly love. Sunday. Late regular mass. I thank the Lord 1) for returning my voice (yesterday evening I drank an egg, ate a little black bread, drank a glass of beer and a little milk, took a walk); 2) I thank the Lord for boldness in serving, 3) for life-giving communion of the Holy Mysteries, 4) for boldness and strength in preaching, and 5) for the gift of mental and physical health, for peace, freedom, boldness, and spiritual joy. I dare in the Lord. Morning. What does it mean? I had a bad night - I could not sleep due to the nervous irritability in my body. Was it because I drank strong sweet tea at Ekaterina Stepanovna’s house in Gerasimov’s house and ate a fair amount of raspberry jam? Is it because after reading the evening prayers on the way, I ate a raw egg at home and drank a glass of milk, which caused an upset stomach? Yes, I think that’s why, and most importantly, because of the apple. If you didn't eat an apple, you wouldn't get a severe stomach upset. It cleared up completely. There is no need to lift the children in your arms after eating, that is, for me, after eating. I thank the Lord, who has prospered me in the service of Matins. I thank the Lord, who cleansed my sins with His blood, and miraculously revived me after communion, and gave me boldness. I thank the Lord, who accepted my repentance for my anger towards the poor and for pulling my hair. What cramped conditions, what a scorching fire! I began to diligently repent, condemn myself, reproach myself, calling on God’s mercy - and finally the Lord extended His saving right hand to me. Oh, grant me, Lord, to love righteousness and hate iniquity [Ps. 44, 8 ]! Grant us to believe and remember that every sin is an immeasurable insult to Your holiness and truth and our ingratitude before You, inattention to our duty, trampling on conscience, serving and pleasing the devil, death of the soul. A sinful person considers saints to be similar to himself in sins, and even dreams of holy angels inappropriately, and sometimes even thinks of God as similar to himself. You thought that I was the same as you, says the holy prophet and king [Ps. 49, 21]. Matins, that is, after Matins. I thank the Lord, who by His sole mercy has tamed such a storm and demonic rage, which confused me, embittered me, constrained me, darkened me, killed me, humiliated me before the special litany, which befell me for yesterday’s sweet tea drink in abundance, for not saying, out of timidity, the words from the enemy: For it is Yours to have mercy and save we, our God... For being upset with Father Deacon for his unusual deviation from kissing my hand that was blessing him. Glory to mercy, glory to the power of the Lord! Glory to the grace of the Lord, which healed the inside of the womb from the burning sting that ulcerated me due to excessive drinking of sweet tea, perhaps, eating nuts and jam. Yes, she is grace, my life and strength, she healed me. Grace is useful and powerful for everything: the blessing of living in grace is more than the wealth and glory of this world, more than all the pleasures of the world - it is both wealth and wonderful, holy pleasure. In the theater 1) there is no place for the poor and hungry; 2) there is no place for those who mourn: it will not console anyone; 3) there is no place for those who recognize themselves as sinners: a sincere sinner who repents will not go to the theater, but will pray either at home or in church; he remembers the words of the Lord: blessed are the poor in spirit... blessed are those who mourn [Matt. 5, 3 – 4]. And in the theater there are those laughing, to whom it is said: Woe from Christ God Himself [Lk. 6, 25 ]; there is no place for those who love God in the theater, for the name of God is not used there unless it is blasphemous. The enemy did not allow me, due to my cowardice, to utter the words: ...most of all, hurry up and help him in everything and subdue him under his nose... - and all through unnecessary sweets he made me powerless and cowardly and, like a cane shaken by the wind, plays with me. The highest song of the Mother of God, Magnify, my soul... must be sung slowly, sweetly and in full. Do not be ashamed of the human face when serving, but think, Whom you serve, with what sincerity you should pray for everyone, especially for the king and his house. I thank the Lord for the supreme natural revival of me by the Divine Mysteries, for the resolution of my inner, sinful bonds that terribly oppressed me. Even earlier, through my intense prayer, after making the great entrance, I felt relief in the name of Christ, and I rejoiced, and glorified, and thanked the Lord. My stomach felt very strong after the Lenten snack at Nikolai Mikhailovich Semenov’s (they served an all-night vigil) - after salmon, caviar, sardines, glasses of sherry, tea with a roll. I thank the Lord for yesterday’s deliverance from the tightness of hell and today – the Lord has untied those bound by the enemy’s bonds. I have been giving alms for so many years and my earthly, spiritual, and heavenly blessings have never become scarce. Why am I angry at the beggars who surround me every day asking for help? They are my benefactors, the culprits of my well-being, blessings and mercy to me from God. About the theater, about playwrights and actors. They speak earthly things and do not know what is coming from above. And about our scientists: putting aside the Holy Scripture of God, they speak their own imaginations or inventions, passing them off as the truth; like those of the earth, they speak earthly things and do not know the One coming from above. Church History. Eusebius. Book 5, ch. 28 19. There was a terrible tightness and burning sensation in the sides and stomach during mass and in class from constipation in the stomach and from the cunning and malice of the ethereal enemy. As a result of fiery prayer, this pain disappeared after the Cherubim song. But after mass in the class I was very tormented. At home I ate two apples and felt better. In the evening, after Vespers, I went to [...]. Temptation with a beggar: he hit him - after Vespers in front of passers-by, he sinned: he was wounded, he was embarrassed, he was chilled in his soul; Before the prayer service at Alexandra Nikiforovna Berzina, I prayed to the Lord and the Mother of God for mercy, and at home earlier, and the Most Merciful again had mercy, for there is no sin, conquering God’s love for mankind 20. And let me henceforth beware of rage against both people and soulless things, for I am furious at them, and throw them, and beat them, as if they were alive and intelligent. This is the madness of passion! I thank the Lord, who miraculously revived me even now with His Holy Mysteries - my soul and body. Early in the morning, a leak of scrofulous matter appeared from my right ear: it had not flowed from either ear for six months. I need to eat and drink less given my lifestyle as if I were single. Love that is not warmed by deeds, or compliance, condescension, patience, cools; then, with cooling, ill-will and gloating begin - this is a devilish state of the heart. Therefore, it is extremely necessary to keep love in the heart: to reject pride, self-indulgence, to try to be satisfied with everything and everyone, especially those close to us, who most often do not please us or are guilty against us in some everyday things. Same November 10th. Evening. What will I repay to the Lord who has been kind to me for the strength revealed in me during the Liturgy of this day? The power of hell fell upon me during the liturgy due to minor faults of Father Deacon Peter and the watchman Nicholas. I was indignant, offended, embarrassed, almost fell into despair, but by faith and strong prayer from the depths of my soul to the Lord, I was powerfully, miraculously saved by the Lord by His sole mercy and felt in myself the action of an omnipotent and beneficent force - the enemy’s network was crushed, and I came out as if from hell to freedom and felt peace and tranquility, came into tearful tenderness from a living feeling of God’s mercy, rose from the dead; The Divine Mysteries revived, warmed my feelings, strengthened, cleansed my soul. And I was subjected to this temptation with dignity because of my voluptuousness and, perhaps, because of my rage and anger towards the beggar, who coldly 21 me persistently asked for alms, although he had previously received mercy. Oh, the infinite goodness of God, which has mercy on me for my lack of self-esteem, 22 for my persistence in prayer! Then, before the all-night vigil in the Duma Assumption Church, I again became irritated with the beggars and with the watchman who had let smoke and fumes into the church, and again I was troubled in spirit, embarrassed, had no boldness, but after deep repentance I was again pardoned, received tears of tenderness and served the all-night vigil with a fiery soul, grateful, reverent, bold, praying for people ardently, and by the way, about the creation of a House of Industry for the poor, with confidence about the fulfillment of my prayer. During the censing of the holy altar and holy icons, I thought: what a community of God with people: the Eternal God through the Virgin Mother united with humanity, sanctified, deified, not only covered, forgave their sins - and I looked at all the saints and all the living with love and reverence, as deified, enlightened, sanctified, as brothers and members Christ's. Eating roast fatty veal today was very unhealthy for me, both spiritually and physically: my heart was rough, fat, painful, cramped (and the enemy conveniently overcame it), it was prodigal, timid and fearful, powerless, earthly. Only the fiery prayer of faith overcame the agitated feelings. And yesterday, Friday, I drank sweet tea at Alexandra Nikiforovna Verzina’s, and a cup of milk at home; at dinner he ate cod in milk with eggs and butter; quick oatmeal soup. This also had a bad effect on the soul and body, especially during Matins today. Vladimir Vasilyevich Politaev is a good reader. Consider worship in analogy with secular theater - accusatory, plastic; the immeasurable difference between the two. Every biased thought about everything carnal and worldly terribly stings and kills me, and, on the contrary, every thought about the spiritual, holy, heavenly, divine revives my whole being. Glory to the Lord, who has so arranged our spirit! Sunday. I thank the Lord, who revived me with the sacrament of the Holy Mysteries after the terrible death, after the terrible powerlessness, extreme cramped conditions, sorrow, despondency that befell me for smoking a cigar the day before. A terrible loss of nerves, despite a long walk in the fresh air in the morning (apples helped me a lot when I got home; apparently I was constipated). Coldness, weakness, timidity before and during mass, but, forcing myself to repentance and tenderness, I received from the Lord the gift of warmth of heart and tears and communion in the stomach of the Divine Mysteries. I thank the Lord. Unite yourself more often with the Pure and beware of all impurity even in the moment of feeling; Avoid intemperance and indulgences: they lead and compel the heart to lustful uncleanness. Looking at the beauty of the crown of God's creation, marvel at the Artist, who is infinitely most beautiful. And in order not to be seduced by the pleasure of sexual intercourse, imagine the purest pleasure and eternal union with the Most Pure God. Remember that the enemy tried to pervert everything in us, all the purposes, all the means and goals of life. Achieve union with God through mortification of the flesh and purification of the heart. Despise all earthly sweets as coarse and momentary and leading to the breakdown of mental and physical strength. Value the spiritual in everything, not the physical. Look for souls in people, not bodies. Save souls. You do not demand fornication from me, for for your sake I have become indecent and weak in every way, and through countless experiences I have become convinced of the great benefits of mental and physical chastity, as the Lord has granted it to me. And besides, the Lord my God, my Creator and Prototype, my Lamb and Savior, who takes away the sins of the world, the Most Holy Word of the Father, who created everything purely, greatly, greatly abhors them. Avoid mental and physical fornication and the sweets that involuntarily attract you to it, among other things, sweet tea. We are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones, branches of His Vine of Life [Eph. 5, 30; In. 15:5], worthy of the bath of rebirth 23 and renewal of the Holy Spirit, His sons and His daughters, nourished by His Flesh and Blood. I thank the Lord for healing His servant Evdokia with the Divine Mysteries when she received them. A miraculous healing - simply a resurrection from the dead, for she was desperately ill: she did not eat, did not drink, did not sleep. November 13, 1873 Wednesday. Today I had a terrible temptation: firstly, irritability from pain in my right side, secondly, displeasure and grief at Deacon Peter for not coming to the Duma church early for early mass, and partly upset at Philip Stepanov, my spiritual son, who asked to serve early mass. My grief at the deacon plunged me, under the influence of the devil on me, into terrible spiritual misfortune: I was embarrassed and could not serve as I should, no matter how hard I tried to control myself; the inappropriate singing of the deacon from the side, from a distance, to the sexton upset me even more; It seemed to me that he was deliberately irritating me with his coldness and indifference during divine services. And guile and malice, envy, arrogance, casuistry in him really prevail over the few good qualities. Irritability, tightness, and painful sensations also came from the bad weather that soon arrived, from the huge, thick snow that fell that day. The voice at mass was rattling, weak, intermittent - a spirit of despondency and fear took possession of me. Oh, how weak, sinful, vindictive, irritable, confused, unable even to speak, I found myself today! But what does this mean? Is this a consequence of the bad weather that soon came, or from the impact of the presence of Philip Stepanov on the soul? Was it not his burden that lay on me? After Eve and Adam, out of love for themselves and out of carnal pleasure, ate the forbidden fruit, all subsequent humanity quickly became a slave of the flesh and deviated to countless desires and lusts to obscene deeds, so that Sodom and Gomorrah died a terrible death for their carnal lusts, as did Noah’s contemporaries. And now among Christians, when faith in their hearts and in their lives has greatly declined, countless whims have developed, including smoking tobacco. But Christianity consists precisely in crucifying the flesh with its passions and lusts, in cutting them off, and not in multiplying them. Therefore, we need extreme moderation in everything even necessary, not only those serving for pleasure; You especially need to restrain the movements of lust, or fornication, gluttony, and not succumb to covetousness, luxury, extravagance, and bliss. Praise to the holy faith and exhortation to adhere to it! Brothers and sisters! Remember that holy faith is the guardian of our life, our health, peace, the source of purity, holiness, strength, honor, incorruptibility and eternal life. Hold tight to your faith as the most reliable and saving anchor! It truly and powerfully delivers a person from all kinds of evils, sorrows and disasters, or helps to endure them patiently and complacently - and who is not exposed to many different disasters and sorrows in this life? I thank and will not cease to thank and glorify the Lord, who gave the human race His holy, heavenly, saving, almighty Faith! I myself, the most sinful of all and the weakest of all people, experienced in practice its salvation. I have received countless benefits from it and constantly, daily receive: through it I curb and suppress all harmful passions or get rid of them when I have already fallen under their [tyrant’s] destructive action; with it I get rid of diseases, preventing them according to the instructions of the holy faith or being healed from them by the prayer of faith or the communion of the Holy Mysteries of Christ; I use it to maintain good relations with people; I am peaceful and calm with her, I am comforted by her, through her I am enlightened by a wonderful spiritual light, in her I find an assistant in my affairs, my honor and glory; in it is my long life, for bodily exercise is of little benefit, but godliness is useful for everything, having the promise of the present and future life [1 Tim. 4, 8 ]; The length of days is in her right hand, but in her hand is wealth and glory [Prov. 3, 16 ]; she is the guardian of purity and chastity, honesty, justice, abstinence; she consoles with future benefits; it turns death into a dream, after which the joyful morning of a non-evening day will come. Dream. A snake crawled out of the basin with a hiss. The soul in passion becomes extremely limited (it loves only itself, and then with an unrighteous, false love), but the soul in the Holy Spirit, the righteous soul, expands extremely in love, loves everyone. Church prayers. A pure heart is the greatest wealth of a person. By desecrating yourself with nasty thoughts and desires, you are grievously sinning against the image of God, against God Himself, who has placed His Divine, holy, majestic immortal image in you. Pay attention. I undertake to heal others, but as soon as I begin to do this, I feel that I myself am filled with the greatest spiritual infirmities. He himself is infected with malice, envy, pride, prodigal abomination, partiality, gluttony, love of money, and so on. So the saying is fulfilled on me: Physician, heal yourself [Lk. 4, 23 ]; or: Yes, no, if I preach to others, I myself will not be turned off [1 Cor. 9, 27]. This sea is great and vast: there are vermin there, of which there is no number (and about the heart) [Ps. 103, 25]. With enmity and zeal 24 you cannot correct a single person, but with love, meekness, quietness, and the prayer of love - very many; do not quarrel, but pray and love. I must thank the Lord that He does not allow me to be rich, but only gives me what I need. You can study prayer and Christian life for a long time and not learn; you can pray and not touch the foundations of Christian life; you can be a priest and still remain inside an empty church or a dwelling place of passions; you can often partake of the Holy Mysteries and - alas! into judgment and condemnation, and not into justification and sanctification and renewal. Why is this? Here you go and guess! He spent his life in pleasures, but did not shepherd the Lord’s sheep as he should. Oh sweets! Take care of souls, as one obligated to give an account [Heb. 13, 17]. Oh, how precious are souls and how insignificant, perishable and fleeting are sweets, money, earthly distinctions (and what heavenly honors and distinctions are!), beauty, outfits! I fear the strong, noble and rich, but I despise and humiliate the lower ones (oh, wickedness)! For myself I strive for better, more, sweeter, and for others - worse, less. Oh, wickedness! When we endure unthinkable 25 thorns and sorrows in public prayer, then the mystery of spiritual rebirth and purification and sanctification of the believing souls standing in the church and even those absent, for whom we pray, is accomplished, for it is not in vain that the Lord through the apostles taught us to pray for all people, for kings and for all those in authority [1 Tim. 2, 1 – 2]. I will explain this with an example from our life. It was in vain that I insulted my wife with something in anger and, perhaps, unfairly; Through this she was offended by me, and so we grew cold towards each other, angry at each other - but our hearts are restless, constrained, restless, suffering. I begin to sincerely repent of my sins before God and pray to Him to forgive our sins, soften, appease, pacify our hearts, unite them, and give strength from the heart to forgive each of us mutual sins. What happens? I come to my wife and find her completely ready for peace, or even she comes to me and herself seeks peace with me, and I am ready for peace and harmony. What is this if not the fruit and work of prayer? That's how important and powerful prayer is for each other! This is why we, especially pastors, must pray for everyone. Pray for one another... the fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much [Jas. 5, 16]. I sinned before God - I drank tea with prosphyra today, without having to; In addition, he ate two slices of bread, and after taking the child out, at the gate of the church house he nailed an annoying, beggar boy, who promised to go to St. Petersburg and not come to me (after countless handouts on my part) and came again. Tired of me, sin-loving and passionate; I could not stand my impudence and tore myself off, forgetting the dignity of the priesthood that I bear, and the apostolic rule that a priest who beats someone is deposed from his dignity 26 - I sinned without number before the Lord! From now on, let me not dare to raise my hands against anyone, but let me weep bitterly for what has happened, for in the person of the beggar I have offended Christ Himself and the Guardian Angel, for the beggar is a member of Christ. Since this morning I have been upset with everyone. I don’t need to drink tea in the morning. Forget that you gave to the poor, and do not stop giving in simplicity, without grieving, and willingly. I am guilty against the boy and must ask for his forgiveness and not perform the liturgy without him. I committed a grave sin. My sweets became sharp and goring in me and became the cause of my anger, impatience, irritability. Woe to me, the sensualist! Therefore I should rejoice when giving alms to the poor, because I have a promise from the Lord Himself, that for giving to the poor I will be rewarded at the resurrection of the righteous [Lk. 14, 12 – 14]. Do you see how the merciful Lord is already calling you righteous? How comforting! And we are cowardly, angry because of the stinginess that beggars often ask for. Stupid! We are running away from God's blessing and eternal bliss. Let this not happen from here on. Yesterday the Savior’s parable about the debtor with ten thousand talents and the debtor with two hundred denarii [Matt. 18, 21 – 35, etc.]. I was in the place of a debtor with ten thousand talents, and a beggar boy of about fourteen - two hundred denarii. I am indebted to the Lord without number, and He is patient with me and gives me all the good things; I, having a debtor who owes me an insignificant amount, which the Lord always replenishes for me, could not stand him, became angry with him and beat him up for the fact that, being in debt, he still asks with impudence and persistence, forgetting that extreme need forces him to so persistently ask for alms. Oh, pride, voluptuousness, love of money, vanity, ambition! I spare nothing for these passions in order to satiate their insatiability. That's serving mammon! But perhaps the boards for my coffin have been ready for a long time and the workers have long been ready to dig my grave. And no one will take anything into the coffin, and therefore neither will I. But, Lord, Lord, have patience with me and yet again, so that I may repent to You with all my heart. You usually give sinners time to repent, for You are good and merciful and do not want the sinner to die, but for him to turn and live. Grant me the very thought and deep feeling of repentance and tears of tenderness, grant me a reasonable fast, not to eat or drink in the morning until twelve o'clock in the afternoon or until two and three in the afternoon, for there is no reasonable need to eat or drink at this time. This is empty voluptuousness, harmful and unnecessary for the soul and body. I thank the Lord, who heard my prayer for the removal from my heart of enmity towards my sister Anna and the planting of love: the confusion, bitterness and tightness of enmity passed, and the pleasantness, spaciousness and silence of love came. Glory to Your faith, glory to Your compassions, Lord! Glory to Your power! About the daily church services: our sun - Christ walks around us, may we rest in prosperity, and our moon - the Most Holy Theotokos, and the holy Angels, and all the holy saints of God. That is why they are glorified every day and every year. All hymns and readings glorify primarily the incarnation, miracles, suffering, death, burial, resurrection and ascension of the Lord and the fruits of these great works of the Lord for the human race perishing in sins; then they glorify the Mother of God and then the saints of God. Akathists to Jesus Christ and the Mother of God contain a list of all the good deeds of the Lord Jesus Christ and the Mother of God to us and all their fruits. Sunday. Early mass with matins. During Matins I felt bound by evil demons; the voice was rather weak at first; Then, with tears of repentance, the Lord cleansed my heart, and with it my voice, because the more and louder I sang and read, the more my heart was purified and my voice became more sonorous and purer. He finished well and boldly. At first mass was good; at the great entrance there is oppression and fear from the devil; he remembered the empress not separately, but together; then sorrow through Deacon Peter - he absurdly sang along with “I Believe” in an octave (as if he was mocking); until the end of mass, because of the deacon, there was a great temptation, barely overcome with faith and by the grace of God; At the prayer service it was crowded, there was fear, and after the prayer service too. But I thank the Lord, who has graciously revived me through the participation of His most pure and life-giving Mysteries; I thank you for the life-giving fire, for peace, coolness, freedom; when after mass I consumed the Holy Mysteries, I felt tightness, among other things, because of the bad weather after heavy snow in the evening - a strong melting. (You don’t know the adulterer Sverlov and don’t have bread and salt.) His wife spoke badly of him: he raped a maid; because of him, perhaps, it was hard for me: I ate and drank at his place. Do you believe in a future blissful, endless life? Do you believe in the future, endless torment prepared for unrepentant sinners? – You don’t believe or you believe very weakly, darkly, foggyly; have mercy on yourself: if you believed in immortal life, then you would be ready to sacrifice everything: your property, peace of mind, health, and life itself. You live absent-mindedly, waste your time, waste your property on trifles, spend your time in pleasures, don’t think about avoiding the future wrath of God, don’t atone for your countless sins, don’t show sincere repentance for your sins. Oh, remember often, man, forever; remember that everything here is decay. And there, in eternal life - eternal peace, eternal joy, eternal pleasure, eternal light, eternal, wonderful fragrance, eternal contemplation of the Unapproachable Light. The Holy Church in all its worship is faithful to its concept, its idea as the House of God, as a society (communion) of all saints and believers in Christ - this is expressed in the iconostasis, and in the proskomedia, and in lithium prayers, and in the litanies of petition, small and deep, and in the prayer: Save, O God, Thy people and bless Thy inheritance, and in the words of the Sacred Scripture: You are no longer strangers and strangers, but fellow citizens with the saints and members of God’s household; being built on the foundation of the apostles and prophets, Jesus Christ Himself being the chief cornerstone [Eph. 2, 19 – 20]. You have come to Mount Zion and the city of the living God, to the heavenly Jerusalem and ten thousand angels, to the triumphant council and church of the firstborn written in heaven, and to God the Judge of all, and to the spirits of the righteous made perfect, and to Jesus, the Mediator of the new covenant [Heb. 12, 22 – 24]. What an honor, what bliss, happiness, blessing to belong to such a society, to be a member of such a society! What on earth can equal such a society, such a good? Nothing. This society is the oldest since the creation of the world, and is under the special supervision, providence, guidance and patronage of the Lord God Himself. In it wonderful powers are revealed throughout the space of centuries, preserving and protecting God’s chosen ones on earth from infidel people; very many powers have been revealed by the chosen ones themselves, the powers of miracles, healings, resurrections, powers in cleansing, enlightenment, sanctification and salvation have been revealed. What must we, the members of this society, be like to be worthy or even tolerable members of such a society? What should our life be like, what is sacred? What morals? What kind of love, what kind of peace should there be between us? How do we live? With your 27 metacarpals you beat the poor [Am. 5, 11]. Finally, he will express his anger... He served outside the city, in the cemetery church with Father Vasily Saltykov and Father Feodor Petrovich Pavlovsky. At first there was relaxation, weakness, crampedness, death in my heart, but I lit a candle before the image of the Holy Trinity, earnestly asked the Lord for grace, mercy, cleansing, revival, strengthening - and during mass the Lord gave tears of tenderness, peace, silence, freedom - and I thanked and glorified the most merciful, generous, benevolent Lord, long-suffering to me, the accursed, and having mercy on me every day. I thank the Lord, who has repeatedly delivered me through the prayer of repentance from the anger that beset me against my wife for her disobedience. The enemy’s machinations are destroyed, sins are forgiven, cleansed, the mediastinum is destroyed. Glory to Your Cross, O Lord, on which You redeemed us from the legal oath. The teaching and life, suffering, death and resurrection of Jesus Christ are wonderful. What an exact correspondence between the teaching and the works of the Lord, or His life, how all His words were justified by His fulfillment! He taught to love enemies, and He Himself was the first to fulfill this commandment in the most perfect way, especially when He prayed on the cross with kindness for His enemies; taught not to resist evil [Matt. 5, 38 – 39], and did not resist, surrendered into the hands of the villains; He taught not to be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul [Matthew 10:28], and He was not afraid of His crucifiers; taught about the resurrection of the dead according to the voice of the Son of God [John 5:25-29], and He Himself was the first to live, to rise from the dead: Christ rose from the dead, the firstborn of those who died [1 Cor. 15, 20]. There was never any disagreement between the words and deeds of Jesus Christ. His resurrection from the dead is the most brilliant crown of His life, of all His teachings, of all miracles, a wonderful joy for all His true followers. It tangibly assured people of a future life beginning outside the present. About a special litany. Why did the Church make such a beginning in a special litany: Ring everything with all our souls and with all our thoughts, and then: Lord Almighty, God our Father, we pray to you, hear and have mercy? And then: Have mercy on us, O God, according to Your great mercy... hear and have mercy? The Church stirs up her children to whole-hearted prayer with all their thoughts. Pay attention to what, first of all, the Church prays for after such intensified exclamations to the Trinitarian Almighty God and to the very Name of the Almighty? She prays first of all for her anointed sovereign, for the sovereign emperor, the patron and defender of the Church, the civil head of all subjects, on whom the well-being of all subjects depends. That is why, from such intense prayer, the Church turns to God and with such strength (let’s say everything with all my soul and all my thoughts) arouses her children to prayer. She now intends to offer up a prayer to the Almighty God for her sovereign firstborn, for his power, so that it would be wise, firm, truthful, abundantly merciful, and compassionate; about victory, being in peace and tranquility, health, His salvation and that the Lord God would hasten and help him in everything and subdue every enemy and adversary under his feet, for his prosperity is the common good of all his subjects, and in general His prosperity is the general welfare. So, this is why with special power the Church stirs up her children to prayer in her special litany. Having understood the thought of the Church, it remains for us for the future, as soon as the deacon begins to proclaim the special litany, to intensify and triple our zeal for prayer and with a warm heart, with purity, intense thought, to pray to God for the autocrat, his wife and the entire royal house, for the Holy Governing Church Council, or for the sacred class of our fathers, who guide us in faith and piety, which is why we say To the Lord: God our father; for all the Christ-loving army, vigilant on guard of the national defense; for the blessed and ever-memorable creators of the holy church and for all the previously deceased fathers and brothers who lie here and everywhere Orthodox (for the deceased are also members of the Church and our brothers who have great need of our prayers - and there are millions of them); for the brethren of the church in which we pray, both the clergy and all the parishioners; finally, for those who donate to the church (this prayer should arouse the zeal of those who have it to unremitting, feasible sacrifices to the church, especially if the church needs many essentials); for those who labor, that is, those who undertake any kind of labor for the church, singing and for all of you who are coming, expecting great and rich mercy from God. What a litany! What power! What all-encompassing love breathes in her! What would we not ask from God, what blessings to both our living and dead brothers, if all these exclamations found a sincere echo in the depths of our souls and we all unanimously, as if with one mouth, prayed to the Lord Almighty, who holds all the living and the dead in His right hand! – They would ask for everything according to His true promise: whatever you ask in prayer with faith, you will receive [Matt. 21, 22]. And how rich in spiritual content are the church litanies, especially in the spirit of faith, hope, love for the Lord and for all people! This is unshakable faith, indestructible hope, universal love; these are the unutterable groanings of the life-giving Spirit of God Himself for everyone, as it is said in the Gospel: the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings that cannot be expressed [Rom. 8, 26]. And with the rich content of the litany - what a variety of petitions, what usefulness, what simplicity and at the same time what depth of wisdom, what a spirit of salvation moves in all of them! Such should be the groanings of the Holy Spirit Himself! Such should be prayers, petitions, supplications, thanksgivings to God for all people [1 Tim. 2, 1], compiled for all times, until the end of the century - for all the wise and reasonable and for all the simplest children of the Church. No reasonable person of this age will be undermined by a single word of church prayers, for every word is wisdom, power, life, love of the Life-giving Spirit. May God grant to every sage and simpleton, at least occasionally, to rise to that height of love, wisdom and holiness, on which the Holy Church always unshakably stands in her prayers, for to always be animated by the same spirit with which the Church is animated - alas! rare, rare can, for Christians are carried away and live mostly in the spirit of this world and do not accept the things of the Spirit of God, because they consider it foolishness [1 Cor. 2, 14]. What a lofty concept is instilled by the Church of Christ through worship about Christians as members of Christ, births 28, verbal sheep of the one Shepherd, and what kind of life is required of them, having as their head Christ God Himself and the Queen and Matter by grace of the Mother of God Herself! Why did I become extremely impatient, irritable and grouchy? From sweets and strong tea. Drinking too much strong tea has a very harmful effect on the nerves, as if pricking them with needles, and other young men or adults have become impatient, irritable and suicidal, among other things, from smoking tobacco, which has an extremely destructive effect on the nerves; for the time being, a person suffers grief, but, having been prepared for a long time by the state of his nerves, which are in an extremely painful shock, he, with a lack of faith in a future life and in retribution for local deeds, commits suicide at once, terribly raping his life. So, the sovereign and the government must immediately prohibit such terribly increased tobacco smoking, which is harmful in many respects; It is impossible not to notice that through smoking tobacco, as through a sinful whim, the primordial enemy of the human race has a strong effect on the soul and body of a person, on arousing passions. The life of people at the present time has deviated too much from its natural simplicity, and too much unnecessary and harmful has invaded it, which our nature does not have the slightest need for and which is forcefully imposed on it by habit, for example, smoking tobacco. What good is it for me to acquire a lot of money and waste 29 my soul, or destroy it with anger, rage, malice, envy, gluttony and gluttony, drunkenness or fornication, laziness, wastefulness and other sins? Isn’t it a thousand times better to give alms to the poor, feed the hungry, clothe the naked, give shelter to the homeless? But I don’t seem to understand this and I get irritated and angry when many beggars ask me for a lot, and I raise my hand against them, and scold them in rage, and threaten them, and pull their hair! How I strayed from the spirit of Christ, from the spirit of meekness, humility, gentleness, non-covetousness, abstinence, simplicity, holiness, submission to the will of Providence. I sinned against the Lord and before men. Forgive, Lord, my countless sins. When you do good to others, you do it to yourself, according to the wise plans of God, the law of consequences and retribution; By doing evil to my neighbors, I do it more to myself according to the same laws: for example, being angry with my neighbor, I upset my calm, become indignant, worry, seethe with vexation, become darkened, and fall into mental and physical disorder. We must curb our belly, this center of carnal sinful life, from which all passions receive their origin, development and strength, such as fornication, envy, pride, malice, covetousness, delicacy, gluttony, drunkenness, cruelty. Noticing in myself with the eye of my heart malice and gloating in relation to my neighbors, hard-heartedness, contempt, stinginess, greed, lustful thoughts and movements, covetousness, I must despise myself, hate myself, turn away from myself, crucify myself and love my neighbors as much as possible, forgive them, be forgiving to them, tolerate them, do good to them, desire every good thing, rejoice. their well-being, pray for their happiness and success in all good deeds, prevent, if possible, their illnesses, dangers to their life, honor, health, rejoice in their joy, cry with them in sorrow, grief, misfortune and misfortune. I thank the Lord, who has twice and thrice had mercy on me, who sinned a lot and was desperate; I only sincerely cried out in repentance to the Lord for mercy in the apartment of Alexander Maksimovich Fedorov, a mechanical engineer (at twelve o’clock in the afternoon and eight in the evening), and the Lord had mercy on me, did not put me to shame in my desire for His mercy. Regarding the great litany: all are members of Christ, all are equal before God - king and warrior, rich and poor, nobleman and commoner; God does not look at the face, but at the heart, for it is one person. What can we not ask from God with our united forces? - All. For many, many, alms are bitter, and it comes out not as mercy, but as mustard. Oh, woe to me, a sinner, that I still do not know how to give alms and I am destroying for nothing the good that God has given me, and I am multiplying my sins, and arousing the wrath of God against myself. Give, it is said, in simplicity, have mercy with good will [Rom. 12, 8]. A voluptuous person, or a slave of the womb, cannot sincerely sympathize with a person who is sick and grieving or who is in sorrow over sins, for what does sweetness have in common with illness, with sorrow, with sorrow for God? Nothing. And therefore, let the sensualist go to those like himself and let him not pretend to be sympathetic and loving. See, Lord, how brazenly and constantly sin corrupts people and me, and be merciful and merciful to us. May the malice, cunning and deceit of the devil not overcome Your goodness, simplicity, holiness, wisdom, and long-suffering. Remember what You did for the redemption of man, so that Your words and Your sufferings in us will not be fruitless. I am an unworthy organ of the Church when pronouncing litanies and prayers, when performing the Sacraments. I thank the Lord for the multitude of bounties and for the abundance of His grace, attracted yesterday at the all-night vigil with sincere, whole-hearted conversion to Him and tearful repentance of sins - and this last was the work of His mercy and grace: grace raised me from the dead, took away my heartfelt and generally internal, organic powerlessness, dispersed darkness, fear, a horde of sins and demons, took away guilt, terrible poverty my spirit, covered my nakedness, bestowed a clear voice, endowed me with bright and majestic thoughts, warmed me with life-giving feelings, like the rays of the Divine, bestowed countless benefits - tears flowed down my cheeks. I prayed earnestly for myself and for everyone. How glad I am that the Lord did not reject me because of my sins! Otherwise I was like those sleeping in a tomb, who were rejected by Your hand [Ps. 87, 6 ]; now the heart has come to life, come to life, resurrected, imbued with Divine life, Divine peace! Now I have learned what the greatest disaster is sin, how vile, evil, disastrous, disgusting it is in all its forms, how terrible is the inclination of a person to sin (may I not condemn anyone and be lenient towards everyone); how much cunning and violence of the enemy is directed at a person at every time and every hour! But now I have learned experimentally how great is God’s mercy for the human race, how many Divine powers are directed towards a person who believes and is capable of accepting God’s grace; what immense, unspeakable love the Lord showed for the salvation of perishing humanity - in the incarnation of His Divine Son, in His exhaustion, miracles, His enlightening and creative preaching, in His life, suffering, death, resurrection and ascension! How he immeasurably elevated our dignity, so humiliated, desecrated, and dishonored, by deifying man and seating Him on the throne of the Divine! Truly, where sin abounded, there grace abounded [Rom. 5, 20]. Glory to the Lord for this! But as great as God’s mercy is, we are just as insensitive, ungrateful, inattentive, malicious, lazy, unbrotherly, stingy, prodigal, lust-loving, earth-loving. Key of the Kingdom of Christ, Virgin Mary, open to me, the repentant, the gates of the Kingdom of Heaven. Both Old Testament and New Testament songs, miracles of the Old and New Testaments are used alternately in church during worship because they mutually explain, confirm, prove, and from their totality the wonderful greatness of our God, His truth, faithfulness, truth, wisdom, omnipotence is known in all its power. Everything goes consistently, truly, wisely from the beginning of the world until now. Everything has either come true or will come true. Wonderful house-building! Everything else will surely be fulfilled both at the coming of the Antichrist and at the coming of Christ... It is no longer possible to grant me more than what the Lord has given me with His holy faith. You just need to thank and love God and your neighbor. The dignity of a person and a Christian is not supported by anything else so much as by careful removal from all sin and from every shadow of sin. I thank the Lord for the gift of communion of the Divine Mysteries at today’s liturgy. Yesterday, Sunday, at late mass I felt terribly sick 1) from the Lenten food and Lenten pies with vegetable oil and 2) from the stale air. I had difficulty speaking; the nerves were extremely painful; I was in awe; the voice trembled; I could hardly speak; extreme suspiciousness; suspicion is also evil: everyone was to blame for me - both Father Deacon and N. Le Havre. Protopopov, and that's it. Today I allowed some quick chicken soup and chicken meat - and I am calm and healthy. The wineskins are old, the robe is old - this is my flesh. I thank the Lord, who has delivered me many times today from the sins that beset me, especially internal adultery. Bless my soul, the Lord... who cleanses all your iniquities every day and hour [Ps. 102]. Once upon a time, the soul awaits you, and the Lord will expose your secret and open deeds; do not remain among those here. I experienced a terrible burden, tightness and crampedness today on the occasion of my quarrel with the sexton Alexei Preobrazhensky, whom I forced to read less often and more clearly, but he did not want to. He was offended and angry with me for my fair demand. During mass I felt cramped and sad, and after communion I did not receive peace, freedom, or consolation due to the fact that I had not reconciled with the youth whom I had offended. When I sat in class, I felt terribly cramped, and I often hesitated. I came home, ate three apples, and I felt good, because my anxiety depended on my stomach. On my way to Vespers, I was delighted to meet the youth Alexei, whom I had offended, and asked him for an apology, and he, out of modesty and childish gentleness, said: forgive me, I’m to blame, I’ve brought you out of patience, I’ve angered you, and then he gave him alms. And how after that I was calm, untied, free! Vespers was served completely calmly; He performed the christening with a joyful spirit, rejoicing in the Lord, His greatness, goodness, omnipotence, wisdom, revealed in creation and providence, and especially in the salvation of the human race. I slept completely peacefully that night in an unheated room. At night I drank milk with a roll and buns, and a little tea; I dipped a bun into chicken soup and ate a piece of chicken. That is my medicine. Glory to the Lord, who has resolved my guilt and my sorrows. The word is true: if you forgive people their sins, your Heavenly Father will also forgive you [Matt. 6, 14]. Alexey released me from grief. And for the sexton Alexei Pavel, I thank the Lord, and he has changed for the better. Nine and a half o'clock in the evening. Today the Lord has shown His immeasurable mercy on me, forgiven me for my great sin, took away the fierce oppression and sorrow from my heart, accepted my repentance, and did not disgrace my hope. Several times I was furious at the beggars who persistently asked for alms, shouted at them, stomped my feet, pushed me, and for this, according to my heritage, I received retribution in myself - spiritual death; but, not despairing of Divine mercy, he began to tearfully repent before His all-seeing eye and His always open ear - and was soon heard: sin was forgiven, confusion was taken away, peace was granted, conscience was pacified. Glory to the Lord for this! How can I learn to control myself so as not to get irritated or angry? Meek and humble of heart, Lord Jesus! Teach me meekness and humility. When I walked from Lebedev’s house along Andreevsky Lane, it seemed to me that the beggars were standing at the wall of the Sinebryukhov outbuilding - and I was upset at them again, and was hurt, and was embarrassed again, but when I came home, I fell on my knees before the Lord and asked for mercy, and again I was pardoned - and again I send glory to the merciful God. Our unrighteousness is before God and before our neighbors. Every day we eat good, best food, drink good wines, in addition to this we amuse ourselves by smoking from the lips of fragrant, and perhaps not fragrant plants, or drinking from boiled aromatic foreign plants, while our brethren, who have the same rights to the gifts of God, do not have a piece of bread, and we mercilessly deny them this piece, one piece of bread - is it fair? this? Moreover, let’s scold them for asking us for this piece - are we acting like human beings? Or we live in spacious chambers, among green indoor gardens, which sometimes bring us fruits in winter, while our brothers do not have even a corner where to lay their heads at night from bad weather, cold wind or frost, and when they ask us for a few kopecks for an overnight stay, we refuse them this, and even scold them and threaten them with prison, which, however, may be a blessing for them, and not punishment, but only for us there is a great punishment - is this fair? If we ourselves have many changes of clothes, sometimes made of silk and velvet or from the best cloth, or whole dozens of changes of linen, while our brothers - I don’t say drunk, but constantly sober, but powerless and homeless, do not have even the most necessary clothes - and they pitifully ask us for the necessary clothes for protection from the weather, and we sternly refuse them this. Are we acting fairly and humanely? Are we one body? Are we members of Christ? Are they members of each other? Are we Christians? Can we expect mercy from Christ God? Are we not worthy of Gehenna? – Gehenna and the fate of goats, not sheep. Some people have tens of thousands of collected wealth, large granaries full of bread and all sorts of goods for many years, and he does not want to give a piece of bread from them to the poor - is this fair? And how should the All-Good and Most Generous One, who has given us His blessings in abundance to give to the poor, deal with us after this? - Truly, in all the severity of His righteous judgment, that is, to reward us with eternal punishment. So, let him understand. Oh, how spacious and beautiful the sky is! What latitude! What lordship! And there bliss is prepared for the righteous - why are we attached to earthly blessings? Are not all earthly blessings perishable? Where is our mind? Where is the faith? Where is the alms that opens the gates of heaven? Why addiction to the physical world? Adulterous and sinful? When I compare the greatness of the blessings given to us by God in birth, in regeneration by water and the Spirit, in title, upbringing, in social position and the benefits associated with it: in salary, honors, income, profits - especially the good given to us in the creation of us in the image of God, in the redemption of the Son of God, in His incarnation, in numbering us among His Church, or His chosen flock, in deification, in the communion of His Body and Blood, in the promise of eternal life for the sake of the merits of the Only Begotten Son of God - then I marvel at the great wonder of my ingratitude and my ill-will, inattention, addiction to earthly corruptible goods, in unmercifulness, hard-heartedness - and I ask myself: how else does the Lord tolerate me on earth? How did you not exterminate me long ago? As before, I am not in hell, like the cruel rich man mentioned in the Gospel, who despised poor Lazarus [Lk. 16, 19 – 31 ]? Smoking a cigar, although fragrant, apparently produces a bad effect (feces in the mouth), and insomnia (as of November 29) from tobacco, and tightness in the chest. Do not be like the evil, but the good. And in alms, which I do not know how to give, I become like the evil, and not the good, for I give not in the simplicity of my heart, not from the soul, but often with anger, just to get rid of it. (I condemn myself for this.) I serve with annoyance, with contempt, completely forgetting that they are in the image of God, that they are members of Christ and His heritage, that they are heirs of the future Kingdom, for has not God chosen the poor of the world to be rich in faith and heirs of the Kingdom? [James. 2, 5]. I myself would have to desire to become poor of my own free will, in order to become like, at least partially like, Him who became poor voluntarily for my sake, that is, the Lord Jesus Christ, and to become rich in God, and not to accumulate for myself [Lk. 12, 21], - but I didn’t want this until now. Until now, I have not learned to control myself, my thoughts and the movements of my heart, and I am outraged by the passions of anger, impurity, envy, malice, pride, selfishness, greed and gluttony. God, be merciful to me, a sinner. (In the evening I smoked a little cigar, and because of it I didn’t sleep well at night, and in the morning it was hard to serve: my breathing was tight; maybe the fast food was the reason.) I thank the Lord, who was worthy to accept my service yesterday and granted me to taste His Divine immortal meal - His most pure Body and Blood; Thank you for your peaceful and successful service. November 29. Thursday. I thank you for your great help, O Christ my God, given to me today in the service of Matins. But the half-cigar I smoked chokes and chokes me; heavy tobacco breathing. Truly, this is satanic smoking. Terrible thing! People have turned themselves into incense burners! And money is wasted, in vain, and an absurd habit takes over the soul, imposing hellish bonds on a person’s entire being, and health is upset, and it brings harm to others, non-smokers, because smoky rooms are not suitable for a healthy life. Oh, how the thorns of passions have multiplied! Smoking tobacco, the smoldering of a lit and smoking cigar is an image of passions and lusts eternally smoldering in the soul. And how much daily food is taken away from the poor through these whims! And how many are starving because of our whims, how many are naked and homeless! And we judge them mercilessly! Christ God was gloriously glorified in me in His long-suffering towards my evils and in His mercy towards the repentant, when the troubles and hardships of hell consumed me for my rage at the poor after the end of the liturgy, when I was going to class. The Lord is infinitely good to me, and I am infinitely angry, damned. I praise the Lord, who heard the prayer of my inner repentance. But I drank milk in vain during Lent: it makes my heart coarse and angry. Today, during Matins on St. Andrew's Day, it conveniently exposed Father Deacon Peter to hostility. And I suffered for a long time until I asked the Lord for mercy with a sincere prayer of repentance. Do not eat milk during Lent at all. I thank the Lord, who solemnly and graciously delivered me from the enmity against my father, Deacon Pyotr Alekseevich Sofronov, which, through demonic cunning, took hold of me, for not kissing the hand that blessed him, and for his seeming hostility towards me. I repented internally of my madness, pride, curiosity, my pettiness, my anger and pride, hiding in the depths of my heart and emerging out on occasion; I sincerely excused my brother for everything in which he, as a man, had sinned against me, prayed for him from the bottom of my heart to God, may he have mercy on him, may he soften and enlighten his heart and mind; I prayed for a long time, because the enemy insisted 30 and tormented me with hostility and incited me to enmity. The Lord fulfilled all my good desires, cleansed my iniquities, took away sorrow, oppression, shame and blindness from my soul, pacified and expanded my heart and gave me the gift of calmly and with tenderness to serve the Divine Liturgy, especially after the Great Entrance. (And during the morning service I felt heavy from the machinations of demonic malice.) Sin is such an evil snake that constantly encroaches on my purity, holiness, beauty, freedom, wisdom, love for the Creator as the image of God, my peace of mind, well-being; which constantly strives to prevent me from demonstrating my powers and spiritual properties in the proper way - from achieving the great and blessed goal of my existence; she flatters and rapes me incessantly, catches me in her nets with her gums and necks: now she relaxes and overthrows me with embarrassment, fear and fear, now with crafty laughter (as yesterday at the great entrance, at the sight of the reader Ivan Vasilyevich Polyglotov, who stood in front of me in a surplice at the Council service), now with delicacy and lewd thoughts and movements of the heart, now with malice, I am tormented by envy and hostility, then by a crafty addiction to earthly goods - to money, to shiny things, to beautiful and soft materials; catches me with the beautiful view of the houses and the mirror glass in them - and distracts my gaze from the sky, from the beautiful mountain city of Jerusalem, which is the artist and creator God, from the Lord Himself, from the beggars, covered with rags of my brothers - everywhere he deceives me, through everything he corrupts, disfigures me, and especially begs me through food and drink, which are inevitable for me every day and which, out of greed, I consume in greater quantities than necessary and thus I violate the natural subtlety and tenderness of my soul: the heart has become coarse, it is said, of these people [Acts. 28, 27]. Therefore, we must constantly watch, pray and fight sin until the end of our earthly temporary life. Wonderful is our heavenly Divine faith! Wise, faithful, holy and righteous is the entire economy of God for our salvation - from beginning to end. The Lord is faithful in all His words [Ps. 144, 13], testimonies (statutes) of Him were strongly believed [Russian: undoubtedly true] [Ps. 92, 6]. Everything that was predicted has been fulfilled, or will be fulfilled, and what has been fulfilled already serves as the strongest and surest guarantee that what has not yet been fulfilled, for which the time has not yet come, will also be fulfilled. The divine service of our Church presents, as if in the palm of your hand, as if in a panorama, the entire wonderful Divine plan for the salvation of the human race: this is a miracle and the abyss of Divine wisdom, goodness, power over the space of centuries and millennia, in a small volume of daily or annual services. And what a spirit - the spirit of sanctity, truth, love, mercy, patience, salvation - breathes in all prayers, supplications, exclamations, sacred rites and Sacraments. What greatness of God! What beauty of God! What valor and beauty of the saints, from the Mother of God to the last righteous man! What a heavenly paradise! What a fragrance, what beauty! And what a variety and number of these animated paradise flowers. Every day you see new ones! So say: during our conciliar public church prayer, the entire heavenly Church intercedes for us before God; We are performing a service that is decent in order - and in heaven the most decorous service for peace is also being performed. Public prayer for everyone serves as a sign of our loving communication with everyone and is a preparation for communication with God and with the saints in the Kingdom of Heaven. Every day the devil’s work of corruption, perversion, desecration, and darkening of the godlike tabernacle of our soul is carried out in our hearts. You don’t need to sleep, but stay awake, stay sober, fast, and pray. Eusebius of Caesarea (263 - 340) is the father of church history. Let us quote him from “Church History”: “In the work... against the heresy of Artemon, which Paul of Samosat is trying to revive, there is a narrative about the events that we also talked about. (2) The creators of this heresy, which asserts that the Savior was a mere man, try to inspire respect for it by referring to its antiquity; our author refutes them, pointing out that it appeared quite recently. He has many other denunciations of this blasphemous lie. Here is his reasoning, word for word: (3) “They say that in ancient times all people and the apostles themselves were instructed and taught what they teach now; the truth was preserved until Victor, the thirteenth bishop of Rome; with his successor Zefirin, the truth began to be distorted. (4) Their words might seem convincing if they were not contradicted, firstly, by the Holy Scriptures, and then by the writings of some brothers, written even before Victor in defense of the truth, against the pagans and against the heresies of that time. I mean Justin, Miltiades, Tatian, Clement and many others. They all acknowledge Christ as God. (5) Who does not know the books of Irenaeus, Meliton and others! Everyone proclaims Christ as God and Man. And how many psalms and hymns have been written by believing brothers since the beginning of Christianity, glorifying Christ as the Word of God! (6) And if the opinion of the Church has been proclaimed for so many years, is it possible to believe that those who lived before Victor taught as they say? Aren't they ashamed to level such slander against Victor? They know very well that the shoemaker Theodotus, the head and father of this apostate teaching, who was the first to declare that Christ is just a man, was excommunicated by Victor from the Church. If Victor, according to them, adhered to their blasphemous teaching, would he have rejected Theodotus, who invented this heresy? (7) This is about Victor. He carried out his ministry for ten years; Zephyrinus succeeded him in the ninth year of the reign of Severus. The author of the mentioned book about the said heresy also talks about another incident that happened under Zephyrinus. Here are his own words: (8) “I will remind many of the brethren what happened with us. I think if this had happened in Sodom, it would perhaps have brought some sense to the inhabitants there. There was a certain confessor Nataliy, not from ancient times, but our contemporary. (9) He was somehow deceived by Asklepiodotus and the money changer Theodotus (another, not a heresiarch). Both of them were students of Theodotus the shoemaker, who was the first to be excommunicated from the Church by the then Bishop Victor for his intellectualism, or rather madness. (10) They convinced Natalius to call himself bishop of the heretics for a fee of one hundred and fifty denarii per month; (11) and while he was with the heretics, the Lord often admonished him with visions, for the merciful God and our Lord Jesus Christ did not want the one who testified to His suffering to perish excommunicated. (12) He, however, did not pay attention to these visions, having been caught in the bait of supremacy and self-interest, which destroyed so many people; in the end, he was beaten by the holy Angels, who scourged him all night: getting up in the morning covered in wounds, he put on rags, sprinkled ashes on his head and threw himself, shedding tears, at the feet of Bishop Zephyrinus; prostrated himself not only before the clergy, but also before the laity and touched the merciful Church of the merciful Christ with tears; but, although he asked, pleaded and showed the scars from his wounds, they accepted him back into the Church with difficulty.” (13) Let us add to this other words of the same writer about these heretics. He says this: “They calmly forged the Holy Scriptures, rejected the rules of the ancient faith, did not understand Christ, did not search for the meaning of Scripture and diligently tried to find some kind of syllogism to confirm their atheism. If someone called their attention to a saying of Scripture, they sought to see whether it would be a unifying or dividing syllogism. (14) Leaving the Holy Divine Scripture, they study geometry: taken from the earth, they speak from the earth, not knowing Him who descends from heaven; and some diligently study the geometry of Euclid; they admire Aristotle and Theophrastus; Galen is revered almost like God. (15) Abusing pagan science for their heretical teaching, they, with the cunning of atheists, dilute the integral truth of Divine Scripture. Need I say that they are not even close to faith? Therefore they fearlessly laid their hands on the Holy Scriptures, saying that they were correcting them. (16) Anyone who wishes can find out that I am not slandering them: let him collect and compare the lists they have with each other; he will find many disagreements: the Asklepiadotovs do not agree with the Theodotovs. (17) You can get a lot of these lists: their students diligently copied what the teachers, according to them, corrected, that is, spoiled. Take the Ermofilovs - again there is discord with others. The Apollonides contradict themselves. You can compare the early ones with those redone later - there are many disagreements. (18) They probably themselves understand how much audacity there is in this crime. They either do not believe that the Holy Scriptures are the words of the Holy Spirit - then they are unbelievers - or they consider themselves wiser than the Spirit - then they are possessed by a demon. They cannot renounce this crime, because the lists are their own. This is not the scripture that the catechumens taught them, and they cannot show the original from which they copied. (19) Some decided that it was not worth falsifying the Scriptures: they simply rejected the Law and the Prophets and, declaring their godless teaching to be grace-filled, they reached the “abyss of destruction.” Quote by: Eusebius of Caesarea. Church history. Book 5, chapter 28. // Publication of the Spaso-Preobrazhensky Valaam Monastery. M. 1993. S. 196 – 198. The prayer “As in Thy terrible...” from the follow-up to Holy Communion. Cold (Church Glav.) – to disturb, bother, crowd. Neglect (church glory) - persistence, persistence in asking for something (as if with closed eyes, seeing nothing), reaching the point of indecency and impudence. The Lord, in one of the parables, speaking about this human trait, praised the persistent petitioner for his persistence. And he said to them: suppose that one of you, having a friend, comes to him at midnight and says to him: friend! lend me three loaves of bread, for my friend came to me from the road, and I have nothing to offer him; and he from the inside will tell him in response: don’t bother me, the doors are already locked, and my children are with me on the bed; I can't get up and give it to you. If, I tell you, he does not get up and give him out of friendship with him, then, out of his persistence [glory: for his recklessness], he will get up and give him as much as he asks. And I will tell you: ask, and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you, for everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened [Lk. 11, 8]. Rebirth (Church Glorious) – rebirth, new life. The Bath of Rebirth is called the Sacrament of Baptism. Zeal (Church Glorious) – strife, discord; anger, frustration. Inconceivable (church glory) - incomprehensible to the mind. The 27th Apostolic Canon reads: “We command the bishop, or presbyter, or deacon, who beats the faithful who sin or the unfaithful who offend, and thereby frighten the one who wants to be cast out from the sacred rank. For the Lord did not teach us this at all: on the contrary, He Himself, being struck, did not strike, we reproached, did not reproach each other, while suffering, did not threaten.” Metacarpus (Church Slavic) – fist, hand. Rozhdiye (Church Glorious) – branch. To vain (Church Glav.) - to make vain, empty, to deprive something, to leave with nothing. Nastoyati (Church Glorious) – to advance; surround. You might be interested in: