Июнь

The enemy is trying to lull everyone and has lulled many with addiction to the flesh and its pleasures (feasts, theaters, horse riding), to worldly goods, to wealth, to honors and distinctions. So what should be done? - Despise the flesh, it passes away, but be diligent about the souls, things that are immortal. To despise pleasures and love the narrow and sorrowful path, to value wealth for nothing, not to desire or covet it, not to desire and not to covet honors. But the thorns of the sweets of wealth and honor have grown and become strong within us and are killing our soul when we begin to work for the Lord. With fear we must call on the holy saints of God, as spirit-bearing and God-bearing and as friends of God, and not fraternize with them, for we are many sinners, many passions, filled with all uncleanness. Lord, lover of humanity and justice! I thank You with all my heart, for, often punishing me like a father, you mercifully save me from the sorrows and hardships with which you strike me for my sins, for my dislike, for my worldly addictions. This day, three times, you have solemnly delivered me from my sins, which were the fault of extreme distress and sorrow. You heard the prayer of my heart, the cries of my soul, and you did not shut me in the hands of the enemy and placed me on my vast nose. [Ps. 30, 9]. (Again I spared my brother sweets, condemned him for eating and drinking a lot. I need to be alien to everything that is eaten and drunk, as if it were all someone else’s, not mine.) May the Lord help me to correct myself. When you pray for someone living or dead, take note of yourself: are you sincerely praying for them, as for yourself, and try to make sure that the names of the persons you remember, or these very persons, are dear to you, dear to you, and do not push them around carelessly, for this is a sin. Love your neighbor as yourself. May your neighbor's name always be as honorable as your own. Every time we become attached with all our hearts to any thing, we take our heart away from God and kidnap ourselves from ourselves, giving ourselves to the devil. The saints gave themselves entirely to God and considered everything, their very body, as rubbish; they even took away nights from the body and dedicated them to God in prayer, sweet food and drink from the body, more or less beautiful clothes, they were afraid of even a penny for free. For this reason they are great in heaven and on earth and blessed with eternal glory. What is very unpleasant is often very useful: so the strong sweat during the unction of the retired sexton Ivan Fedorovich Kedrov was very, very unpleasant for me, and I, cowardly and impatient, grumbled in my soul that so many clergy (six) were invited to a small room in the summer; but this unpleasant sweat was very useful for me: it resolved my scrofula and drove it out through my right ear. This is a common outcome at times. I ask the Lord for forgiveness for my cowardly and impudent murmuring and thank you for the mercy of healing. (Yesterday I drank black beer, port wine at Oparovskaya’s house after the christening, and at Father Vasily Saltykov’s, Sauternes with caviar and herring.) When you pray, listen carefully to your heart and observe where it is: whether with God or with the world, with the charm of this age, with the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes or the pride of life (1 John 2:16); if in peace, immediately repent inwardly and turn your heart entirely to God. Temptations, the enemy, subtle, quick, strong, encourage us to quickly and constantly turn to the Lord and strengthen ourselves, more deeply, in Him, moving away from the passions and addictions of everyday life. As if my own burden were not enough, I take on other people’s burdens: today at the all-night vigil I took on the burden of Fathers Paul and Matthew, while my own is too heavy—that’s why Belial crushed me, embarrassed me, embarrassed me, embarrassed me. Science: in the future, know your sins more, repent of your sins and correct yourself from them. But other fathers over whom you are not appointed as a guardian are judged by God. You ask God to correct them from love of money, lack of love, pride, unjust envy, and insolence. – Correct yourself from these vices and then you will see how to remove the speck from your brother’s eye [Matt. 7, 5]. If I am treated rudely, for example by a boss, I deserve it and will not be offended by it. All-night Sunday service. I thank the Lord for the grace of prayer given to me at the all-night vigil, for the tenderness with tears throughout the entire service, except for the first hour and dismissal at the all-night vigil, during which the enemy confused and partly shook me. How peaceful, spacious, light, sweet it was in my heart throughout the whole night vigil! I would not part with worship and the church! I prayed for this gift from the Lord and for everyone who comes to the church! If the Lord gave us the Most Pure Body and the Most Pure Blood for food and drink, then what will He not give us, if only we ask in accordance with His will, something truly useful, we ask with faith, hope and love? Under this beauty of our clothes hides the ugliness of our souls; Beneath these jewels of our body's adornments hides the appalling poverty, the emptiness of our souls. Let us take care of the beauty not of clothes, but of immortal souls, and let us think how precious our soul is, created in the image and likeness of God, this incorruptible daughter of the Holy Spirit, this child of God, this redeemer of Jesus Christ, the Son of God, purchased by His blood; Let us value this soul above all else and not exchange it for perishable things and the pleasures of this fleeting, corruptible world. And the world passes away, and its lusts, but he who does the will of God abides forever (1 John 2:17). For the soul - the incarnation of the Son of God, for it preaching, miracles, suffering, death, resurrection, ascension, the second coming of the Son of God, for it the descent of the Holy Spirit, for it the Church, the Sacraments, the hierarchy were established. To guide her to the heavenly Kingdom and bliss. But the body is perishable - over time it will also be spiritual, requiring neither food, nor drink, nor sleep, nor the sun, nor fire, nor air, nor anything perishable. Let us love the imperishable and eternal. Give me, Lord, a weapon against my enemies - love, meekness and heartfelt prayer, but not anger, this is an unfaithful weapon that pierces the womb in which it is contained. Resurrection. Liturgy. My rebirth by the Holy Spirit is painful. Today, during the liturgy, I felt a very great tightness in my insides and in my soul throughout the entire mass; demonic fears, confusion, despondency. -Where do different troubles come from? They'll just grow out of the ground! Yes, from the earth, that is, from my earthly, passionate heart. The voice was weak, despite the fact that yesterday he drank milk as a laxative (or, better yet, cream), ate a bun with caviar at dinner and drank tea with sherry. It turns out that I shouldn’t have eaten at all in the evening and didn’t drink tea. After consuming the Holy Gifts, I calmed down, rejoiced, and my heart expanded. Thank the Lord! The sermon of His Grace Archbishop Gregory of Kazan was delivered 63. At the great entrance, I could not pronounce the entire royal family from demonic cramped conditions and fear. I didn’t say the entire prayer behind the pulpit; I missed a few words at the end; I also missed the words at mass: with one mouth and one heart - all involuntarily, and not by will. Forgive me, Lord! Establish, Lord! The charm of malice haunts me like a nightmare, crushes me; the enemy nests within me. Lord Jesus! Help me against him. I thank You, for through my prayer you drove away this nightmare, Lord! It became easy. From time to time it becomes more and more difficult for me to serve the Liturgy on Sundays; The tightness in my sides and heart happens more and more from my incontinence. Therefore, I need to pay all attention to abstinence, lest I destroy all my work in Christ, lest I lose the Kingdom of God within me. The devil has a habit of destroying people with small things. Adam and Eve were destroyed by food. With God's help, he performed the late mass victoriously: he pronounced the entire royal name at the great entrance, took communion with boldness and faith, into the world of spiritual strength, into space and joy. I thank the Lord. He prayed for his own, especially before the Holy Lamb. May I be heard. I prayed in grace for the sick Alexei Pashilov. At home I sinned with my tongue regarding the departure of the Tsvetkovs, may the Lord forgive and not blame me. Thy will be done, Lord, not mine. The peace from the communion of the Divine Mysteries was broken in the church at the funeral litany from the thought: will the Tsvetkovs be in time for the ship, will they still remain in Kronstadt? I regretted it if they stayed, I fell into dislike. There is no need to spare anything for your neighbor, for everything earthly is rubbish. The sting of sweets is one with the sting of malice: in order to avoid malice, one must avoid sweets, gluttony, satiety and despise sweets and wealth, and with all one’s strength be diligent in love for God and mutual love. I thank the Lord, who destroyed in me the pillar of hostility towards my relatives 64 for their malice and took away my confusion. I thank the Lord, who has granted me to love my enemies and my mother. To the chosen Voivode and the victorious Lord, as if I were delivered from the evil ones, I will write thanksgiving to You, Thy creation and servant. June 7. Use words to admonish the guilty, but do not give free rein to your hands, that is, do not hit with your hands; this is especially indecent for a priest who bears such a high rank, synonymous with meekness, gentleness, and patience - the rank of Christ the Savior, the Lamb of God, who says in the Gospel: learn from Me, for I am meek and lowly in heart [Matt. 11, 29]. (Regarding my public beating of a sailor who drowned a dog; for a long time sorrow and distress were in my heart due to the boldness of my hand. I barely begged the Lord.) I ate black bread with quick butter and a piece of fish pie baked in quick butter, and immediately my heart and body felt heavy. There is no need to eat fasting during Lent. There is a big, very big difference between fast and lean food. With modest food, the struggle of passions is [more severe] and it is difficult to cope with them. I thank the Lord, who once again destroyed the anger in my heart against my relatives, Father Gregory and Anna Konstantinovna, through my prayer. A darkness of anger suddenly settles over the heart at the sight of faces that are unloved for some reason. Grant, Lord, that I do not fulfill my evil will, but Your all-good will, and never despise anyone. And all because of the greedy belly of enmity. Oh, how necessary it is to crucify the belly with fasting, vigil, prayer, reading, psalmody! Eating pies, rolls and generally white bread or gruels and porridges gives me scrofulous sharpness in different parts of the body; Therefore, you need to beware of white wheat bread. Compare the sermon on the birthday of the Empress with terrible modern events. Tall but wicked people are born and live in order to noisily disappear from the face of the earth at the behest of the Lord Almighty, Judge of kings and nations. Tuesday. Late liturgy. I thank the Lord with all my heart, for through the communion of His Holy Mysteries I took away a great tightness from my heart and through the wedging of the enemy that was in my insides, in the depths of my womb, he tore it out and gave me peace with ease. How blessed I became through the use of the Holy Gifts! Where did all the sorrows that tormented me throughout mass go?! Christ my God has been gloriously glorified in me and is being glorified unceasingly. Upon arriving home, I was very angry about the stern response to my greeting from Anna Konstantinovna, my sister and wife. Then he conquered with prayer and affection with the child Rufina. He sinned - he got angry at the boy who was throwing stones into the garden, he wanted to spank him, but he ran away. I had to meekly, without anger, tell him not to fool around. I don’t like such guests from their own family who, as masters over me, want to live with me and bring into my house their own rules that are contrary to the statutes of the Holy Orthodox Church, who, for example, eat meat, eggs and dairy food throughout Lent, who sleep until ten o’clock in the morning, in which you have to walk on tiptoe, in which the whole house walks around as if a king had taken up residence in the house. (I myself don’t like to burden anyone and I don’t like to be burdened either. And yet, in the face of dislike, I must endure and endure for the sake of Christ and forcing myself to love, so as not to disturb the peace and not cause a quarrel.) And in my house, as in someone else’s, I submit to someone else’s, female arbitrariness. But may I look at all this dispassionately for the sake of the love of Christ, which endures everything, and may the Lord forgive me my dislike and may my heart be corrected into love for everyone, according to what is written: Do not owe anything to anyone except mutual love [Rom. 13, 8]. Enmity is the greatest disorder, lawlessness in the moral world, and it does not place us in shame before God. For the Kingdom of God is not meat and drink, but truth and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit [Rom. 14, 17]. The belly is empty, and the belly is empty; God will abolish both this and that (1 Cor. 6:13). If the Lord is long-suffering to me and to all sinners, then how can I not be long-suffering. With impatience, how often do we ruin our good deeds and upset good harmony and friendship! The prodigal flesh does not want to kiss ugly or old and simple people, but willingly kisses the handsome and young. Oh, damned adversary! How he cools us off towards each other because of the little things in life, so that we don’t love each other, so that we hate each other, despise each other, offend each other! Oh, the terrible intentions of the adversary, constantly brought into action! Everyone has enmity in his heart against his neighbor because of sweets, housing, clothing, money and various insignificant things. Love has dried up due to vanity. How we love vanity, sons of men! Oh, the terrible intention of the adversary, who is always active in us and fulfills his desires in us to the constant insult of the Lord. God! allow me to praise You constantly, not only with words, but especially with deeds of love, patience, peace, meekness, kindness, abstinence, purity and chastity, impartiality. Oh, how vain and sinful is life in the world! June 8, 1871. Why do you fraternize with an ethereal enemy?.. The devil, being unable to cause evil to God, intensifies in every way to do evil to His image - man, inciting people, especially those living together, to mutual malice, or to envy, murder; also putting unclean thoughts and lusts into us. Let anyone understand and respect and love those like himself, even his enemies, for enemies are also people, only tools of the devil, about whom we must regret and pray to God to enlighten the eyes of their hearts, darkened by malice. I thank the Lord, who saved me through my prayer from the intense agony of anger that tormented me from noon to evening; I thank the Lady, who arranged peace and harmony between us - me, my brother-in-law Father Gregory and his wife Anna Konstantinovna. There was a misunderstanding, they explained it, and the enmity melted away. God! let me value peace and love more than all the treasures of the world and hold on to them with all my heart. June 8, Saint Theodore Stratilates. Late mass. I thank the Lord, who gave me victory over a cruel sin: over the demonic malice towards my father, the archpriest, who entertained the attention of the elder during the liturgy. The Lord overthrew the pillar of malice in my heart and instead of slavery gave me freedom, instead of confusion - peace, instead of tightness - space, instead of the fire of Gehenna - the dew of grace. Oh, how persistent sin is in us! You won’t suddenly break it and tear it out. I thank the Lord for the communion of the Holy, most pure, heavenly, life-giving and terrible Mysteries, for my supremely peaceful and blissful state from their action in me. I thank the Lord, who gave me the grace to overcome the malice that attacked me upon my arrival at the house (at three o’clock in the afternoon). I resolutely forbade myself to become embittered: let, I said, it would be better for them to hate me, but God forbid I should hate anyone for anything - let this never happen. And the anger left me, and I became humbled by the grace of God, as before I was embarrassed. Again I fell into envy, greed and malice when my family and my wife, while dining separately, ate delicious and expensive dishes, and when my wife took sherry from me against my will for pouring eggs, I became embittered with her. I begged the Lord to have mercy on me and all my household who were guilty of lust during Lent. After a long time, the Lord became merciful. Food is nothing, whatever it is and no matter what it is: expensive or cheap, lean or frugal. Everything is human: he is priceless. Therefore, because of food, one should by no means be hostile to one’s neighbor or envy him. God bless you. And what a demonic storm there is inside. And the cruelty of incitement to anger from demons! I thank the Lord, who, through a single prayerful glance at Him with faith and hope, saved me from the tightness of the demonic malice acting in me, and quickly gave me peace and freedom, at 10 o’clock in the evening. I sinned before God by punishing the beggar for guilt or innocently - I don’t know, by grabbing him by the long mustache and tearing off a significant part of it. Don't give your hands free rein. I thank the Lord, who has vouchsafed me, without condemnation and without stumbling, to perform the Divine Liturgy with heart and with the power of the Spirit, and without condemnation to partake of the Holy Life-Giving Mysteries into the world of spiritual powers, into space and freedom of the spirit. I thank the Lord, who quickly heeded my prayer for the reconciliation of my sister Anna with the servants and for mine with her, for I defended her nanny, who was abused by her, and she was offended by that. I thank the Lord, who gave me heavenly peace through my prayer. I thank the Lady, who quickly listened to my unworthy prayer and interceded for me peace and great mercy. Grant me, Lord, to always be at peace within myself and with my neighbors, even those who hate the world and create insults, strife and strife. June 10, 1871. Thursday. Four and a half hours in the afternoon. People are not my enemies, but I am my own enemy, or my passions. I pursue myself, I correct myself, I pray for myself most of all, and then I think about correcting others. At evening prayer, the enemy attacked me with hostility toward Sister Anna and hurt me cruelly. He sinned before God - he became furious with the beggar boy, cursed him as a pig and threw him three kopecks. I tell him: go away, I gave your brother six kopecks, and he still follows me; I couldn’t resist, I got angry. Forgive me, Lord! The enemy produces all kinds of disturbances in us: hostility, quarrels, zeal, envy, disobedience, disrespect and other passions. We need to pray to the Lord to save us from hostility and grant us mutual love that endures everything. At Matins, because of the action of the devil and because of my sins, I could not read in full the Gospel of John about the Lord’s questioning of the Apostle Peter: Do you love Me [Jn. 21, 15], missed a few words in two or three places due to the violence of the enemy. Exclamation: With mercy and generosity... I didn’t say everything. I have sinned before God! The enemy does not spare... (Excess in food and drink and delicacy is the reason for my anger and strong devilish machinations.) Late mass. I thank the Lord for heavenly peace after communion with faith of the Divine Mysteries, for boldness, for this is also a gift from God, for life-giving warmth in the soul, space, lightness. I felt great warmth in my soul. Before mass, the enemy terribly pressed his anger against the guests Anna Konstantinovna and Father Grigory Ivanovich for their long and idle stay in the house, associated with great troubles, disorder, vanity, meager food, etc. I thank the Lord, who destroyed the terrible machinations of the enemy. There is a bad reputation about my Gatchina brothers-in-law: Anna Konstantinovna is rowdy in her apartment: to the archpriest - why does she come often; The Gurnoffs were kicked out for making an unsolicited order in someone else's house. She trumpeted me that I was afraid of her. My mother called me the old witch along with Katerina. May God forgive her and correct us all, for we are all sinners. But it is dangerous to let such a guest in. I don’t like it when people raise their heads high in my house. In the words spoken by the priest in church: forgive me, brethren, for those who have sinned in word, deed and thought... The Church teaches everyone, both clergy and laity, kindness and humility. All of us who bear the name of Christ need to preserve simplicity of character and childlike kindness. God is especially pleased with the virtue of gentleness. And what is the use of anger for those who are angry? Only torment, darkness, cramped conditions, captivity, shame. Those who smoke tobacco smoke the grace of God out of themselves, if they have acquired it in some way, and receive into themselves the spirit of flattery, for everything [extra] comes from hostility. Isn't grace and the machinations of the enemy thinner than smoke? I sinned before God - I became embittered in my absence against the Tsvetkovs, Father Grigory and his wife Anna Konstantinovna, for staying with me for a long time. What self-will on my part! - Let them visit: I don’t have anything of my own, my corner is enough for me. Let me endure with love. The enemy, both without them and in their presence, incites anger - he knows and remembers his job. For the sake of the Lord I forgive them everything. Let the dirty tricks of the enemy not cool me towards them, for they are my relatives, not enemies, and well-wishers: the devil is one enemy. They are members of Christ, although weak; they are in the image of God, as I am: one nature in us and one deification from the Lord, one faith, one baptism, one Cup of the covenant of Flesh and Blood, one hope, one body with us, one Spirit, one God and Father of all [Eph. 4, 4 – 6]. This is what’s bad: after communion of the Holy Mysteries, I again became a worker of the devil, his malice, envy, and vengeance! I have sinned before God! Think on high: earthly goods are nothing, consider them rubbish; whatever your uninvited guests eat, drink sweetly and a lot - do not regret, but observe love. God will reward you for this. I myself have no love for brother Gregory and [sister] Anna, but I tell him: if you have any kindred love, pray for me, the weak one. Oh, how impatient I am when my own people visit me! I can’t stand people sleeping for a long time, but brother Gregory sleeps for a long time due to weakness; that he’s sitting at home, but brother Gregory can’t go out for a long time. Late liturgy. I thank the Lord with all my soul for the given grace of stumbling-free service of the Divine Liturgy (the thought of another, silver-gilded cross stumbled me during the Cherubim, and my heart was weakened and paralyzed - but through quick repentance I again sought peace, strength and life and the most peaceful communion of the Holy Mysteries! Oh, what was my bliss, vitality, heavenly sweetness! I praise the Lord! During the service of the prayer service to the Queen of Heaven in front of Her Iveron Icon, the ethereal enemy began to stab me hard and stung me with evil suspicion of my comrade, Father Klyar Matthew, for his greed for money and enrichment (as if I were not greedy), but with quick, unfeigned, deep repentance, he again returned the grace of peace and boldness. (The image was created by Father Matthew, that is, the wanderer brought it from Moscow to Kronstadt, and through the efforts of Father Matthew it was decorated.) The prayer service included an akathist. Then in the evening, about two and a half hours, having met with Mother Ekaterina Nikolaevna, he secretly envied and despised and again was wounded and lost peace, but with quick repentance and inner prayer he regained peace again. How the enemy constantly catches in his net, in his malice, envy, pride, fornication, greed, laziness and other passions under various, sometimes plausible, pretexts! The fullness of all our blessings is the Lord; May we always have Him in our hearts, and all things will be added to us. The soul is our wealth, it is the image of God and is eternal. And wealth is destructive to the soul. I thank the Lord for the grace of God-understanding, spiritual contemplation and deep tenderness with tears throughout the all-night vigil in the Duma Church. I was filled with deep peace, wondrous light with the grace and generosity of my Lord at this all-night vigil. Glory to the Lord! Fulfill all that we ask of You, O Lord, by the Holy Spirit, for all things are possible for You. And You have written down everything that I asked, and You know that I asked You for what was pleasing to You (June 12). My bodily nerves are too weak without smoking tobacco, and if I smoke cigars, they weaken even more: why do I smoke, even though it’s rare? We must completely forget this habit of many, this vanity of the majority. June 13. Resurrection. I've been smoking a cigar since yesterday evening. What a nasty feeling in my mouth today from smoking, and my body feels weak and wedged. I thank You, Lord Jesus Christ, my God, for through Your suffering and death it has become possible and convenient for the forgiveness of our immeasurable sins through faith and unfeigned repentance, the taking away of the corruption of sin and the granting of incorruptibility and renewal, re-creation, re-existence 66 and immortality. You are our wonderful mercy, O Lord, our wonderful wealth. Glory to You! I thank the Lord that impudence, impudence, insolence, abomination, destruction, the absurdity of sin and its culprit, the devil, will one day be put to an end and the complete triumph of truth will come through the victory of our Lord Jesus Christ. God! Grant me to extend to You prayers for the whole world and for all the fulfillment of the Church always with all-embracing, unfeigned love, for I, by Thy grace, am Thy angel and prayer book for everyone and for my sins. Grant me, Lord God, Father, to contemplate Your ineffable love for the world, which has given us Your Beloved, Only Begotten Son; grant me, O God, Son of God, to contemplate Your exhaustion in the world and on our cross for the sake of salvation! Grant me, O God, Holy Soul, to contemplate Your grace, abundantly poured out and poured out upon the world for the sake of the merits of the Lord Jesus Christ, which so often fulfills my accursed heart. Holy Trinity, grant me to glorify You unceasingly with my heart and lips, and even more so with my deeds. Wake up! Wake up! June 13, 1871. Resurrection. Morning. Seven and a half hours. Late mass in the Duma. I will not fail to offer glory and thanksgiving to my Lord, who saved me from my sins and destroyed the slander of the ethereal enemy over me, and who bestowed upon me His deep peace and heavenly pleasure in His most heavenly Mysteries during the service of the Most Holy and Divine Liturgy. But, my God! How weak and shaky and in great distress is my heart during divine services in the face of temptations and slander from evil spirits! Only faith, faith in my Lord Jesus Christ, in His presence in me, saves me from deceit, cruelty and the absorption of enemies! (During the great entrance, the deacon’s censer with hot coals behind his shoulders embarrassed me: I thought that his surplice would catch fire; here I didn’t finish speaking at the royal house due to embarrassment, and in the altar it became funny and hysterical.) Exclamation: And give us one mouth and so on, I couldn’t utter out of embarrassment at the thought of someone - the enemy stole meaning, and energy, and attention, and peace; And vouchsafe us, Master... also not everything I have reprimanded from the enemy’s slander; During communion, slander again, and when reading the prayer behind the pulpit, too. Everywhere there is persecution, everywhere obstacles, everywhere the evil schoolboyism of the eight-thousand-year-old schoolboy and teacher of every sin, the culprit of every evil doubt, confusion, fear, evil opinion, evil zeal, every evil deed. But may the Lord crush all the deceits of Satan and his angels with His power through my unworthiness; may my faith in the Lord be strengthened more and more, devotion to my Lord, my Chosen Leader, who will take up arms for me against my enemies and crush their snares; May I continually sing songs of victory and gratitude to Him. Amen. May the Lord deliver me from all my sins and from all the snares of the enemy and save me into His Heavenly Kingdom; May the Lord protect me especially from malice, from envy of my neighbor, from intemperance, from the love of money, from vanity and vanity, from pride and arrogance, from disobedience and self-will, from fornication, laziness and all sin. We do not constantly live in stale indoor air and go outside to freshen up. The same applies to the body. But regarding the soul, there is no need to indulge only in domestic, everyday, everyday activities, but it is necessary to refresh the soul with heavenly air - through prayer at home and in church, reading the Holy Scriptures and the writings of the holy fathers, and in general with spiritual writings or reflections. Is our soul nourished, taught, edified through sight and hearing? - Yes. So, icons are needed, churches are needed, reading, singing, preaching are necessary. But Lutherans and Anglicans reject icons. The will of God must be done irrevocably, because by the will of God everything was created and exists, because this will is the perfect, all-good, all-wise will, which created everything for life, bliss and leading to eternal bliss; because this will is our holiness and bliss, and our will or the will of the devil, as an evil, disorderly will, leads to eternal torment. The reason for my internal anger towards my brothers-in-law Tsvetkov and my mother is hidden in the depravity of my heart since my youth with various lewdness of masturbation, and I must always, in all temptations, in all storms of passions, blame myself alone, justifying others. This is the truth. God! take away corruption from my heart and, having cleansed it, renew it with the grace of the Holy Spirit, sanctify it, establish it in holiness. June 14, 1871. Monday. As a result of my sinful corruption, I am irritable, harsh, I love to judge my loved ones, I even get irritated with my mother over trifles. So, let me not blame anyone, being myself the first of sinners and the weakest of all; May I be condescending to everyone, may I tolerate everyone with love. I admit that I am truly guilty before my relatives Alexandra Konstantinovna and Anna Konstantinovna for rude and impudent treatment of them and humbly ask for their forgiveness. Even from me they became infected with an unkind spirit, a spirit of obstinacy, stinginess, malice, and envy. God! forgive my sins! God! reconcile me completely with my family. God! let me give up my pride and self-interest, my pride, irritability, arrogance, covetousness, lust. June 14th was the first hot summer day; June 15th – rain in the evening June 16th – rain all day; June 17th is hot and thunderstorm in Gatchina with heavy rain; a bakery in a village near Gatchina was burned by lightning; June 18th is hot all over; June 19th – very hot, more than 30 degrees; at five o'clock in the evening there is a strong thunderstorm with rain. Whenever I internally hate someone, I am guilty of extreme pride, which is contrary to God, so I must certainly deny myself and hate myself in order to sincerely love my neighbor. Thanks be to the Creator and Provider of the universe for the sultry day of this June 19th and for the heavy rain with a long-lasting thunderstorm: thunder roared and lightning flashed for an entire hour, right-handed arrows flew 67 from the round bow of the clouds. From year to year, earthly paths become smoother, straighter, faster, more convenient, and heavenly paths, it seems, day by day become more difficult, rougher, curved, slowed down due to various worldly addictions. Our pitiful condition! The spiritual, religious, mental, political, economic, material benefits, which we use by the grace of God, were prepared for us in advance, long before us, by various figures raised by God, sacred or political, scientists and others, and we must constantly thank God for this and the people raised by him for our good, honoring their memory and imitating, each in his own way, their deeds. Such were the patriarchs, prophets, apostles, hierarchs, martyrs, and saints; Such are kings, wise legislators; These are scientists, inventors of various sciences and arts; such are farmers, merchants, industrialists; These are the heroes, defenders of the Fatherland, etc. Draw up a program of classes with Bal and Korguev; write in a book what you did, what you learned, how you learned it, what was given in the lesson to learn. (Face the east in prayer) My heart is so unclean, so spoiled that in itself it cannot be the receptacle of holy love for God and man and is the abode of all passions: malice, envy, ill will, gloating, deceit, pride, vanity, conceit, willfulness, stubbornness, irritability, fornication, partiality, covetousness, greed, lust, gluttony, drunkenness, laziness, despondency, fear, laughter, doubt, disbelief, despair. How many reasons for humility before everyone, for self-condemnation, remembering death and the Last Judgment, for repentance, correction and improvement of oneself through God’s grace! Let me know myself and improve. Resurrection. It’s a rainy morning and the church is damp. The irritation of the nerves and spirit is strong, the temptations are terrible; despondency, impenetrable crowding. Failure to pronounce many words and names, for example, the empress at the great entrance, the exclamation: Through the generosity of the Only Begotten... And grant us, O Master, with boldness... etc. The prayer service with the blessing of water was served decently. The day cleared up, by twelve o'clock it became clear, and the rest of the day was all magnificent. Glory and thanksgiving to the Lord, who made us glad in the days of paradise. I don’t need to drink vodka: today I drank one and a half small glasses at lunch, and during prayer in Baikov’s wooden house a dumb spirit took possession of me - I could not utter many exclamations: it’s a disaster, and that’s all, it’s shameful and painful. The enemy is continually awake to embitter me, and I must continually be sober and vigilant against him. Death and decay stand before us as a thunderstorm and a terrible specter all the days of our earthly life. How joyful should be the hope of resurrection from the dead, freedom from corruption and eternal life! And this hope was given to us by our risen Life-Giver! Until now, I, cursed, darkened and inattentive, have not learned, am not accustomed to look at people (who live with me, neighbors, comrades, subordinates, servants, young men) as subject to sin, infected with the poison of sin, wounded by the arrow of sin and therefore deserving of leniency, compassion, forgiveness, when they offend me in some way - but I look at them as sound in spirit, as if they had not suffered a terrible disaster in the person of our forefathers, and instead of feeling sorry for them when they sin, willy-nilly or unwillingly, I am offended by them, irritated by them (what madness and self-love!) and for this reason I myself am wounded by fierce sinful passions, I myself suffer a lot from sins. But let me henceforth love all my enemies and pray for them sincerely, as for my soul when it is in distress and distress. Pray for one another to be healed [Jas. 5, 16]. Monday. The day is clear and hot. Thanks to the Creator and Provider of the universe. When May was all cold and almost half of June as well, then we were faint-hearted, despondent and said: apparently, there will be no summer this year, apparently the Lord is angry with us and will punish us according to our dignity and will deprive us of the fruits of the earth. But behold - what a mercy of God! And rains with majestic thunderstorms, with thunder and lightning, and clear and hot days, cheering every creature. What kind of life, what kind of joy is everywhere, among all creatures: animals, birds, insects - this is how they happily fly in the air and sing songs of gratitude to the Creator of everything! And in the waters, myriads of animals scurry merrily from place to place! And what a wonderful beauty, living, beautiful, fragrant, healthy plants of many different types: everything unfolded, blossomed, became covered with shady foliage, all the trees, grass, flowers nod welcomingly to those passing by. Glory to Thee, Trinitarian God, the Creator, the Provider, who fills everything with Himself, thus adorning and enlivening everything! Wonderful are Your works, O Lord: You have made all things with wisdom [Ps. 103, 24 ]! Tuesday. A hot day with an easterly wind. The day of God's mercy for me, for the Lord had mercy on me with great mercy when, in repentance and contrition of heart, I cried out to Him inwardly, or cried out to Him relentlessly for mercy and for deliverance from the sorrow, oppression and shame that befell me for the sin of pride and contempt of the heart of my parent, who did not remove her head to my taste. My unclean, corrupt, prodigal heart is the source of all my tightness, all secret, internal falls into sin, all malice, envy, pride, contempt, ill will, secret gloating, indifference to the bitter fate of my neighbor, covetousness, greed, gluttony, lust and delicacy, fornication, lack of faith, frivolity, vanity, vanity, false shame, despondency and cowardice, fear, negligence for the holy cause and in general for matters of rank and position, waywardness, stubbornness, bickering, etc. So, we must despise our indecent heart and suppress its sinful, constantly arising movements, always vividly recognize and feel our damnation and humbly always pray to God for mercy, cleansing, correction, sanctification, confirmation in all virtue. When approaching the celebration of the Liturgy, we must always approach it with the consciousness of the infinite importance and holiness of the Sacrament performed in it and the infinite love of God for the world, revealed in the incarnation, suffering, death and resurrection of the Son of God, and put aside all worldly care, every passion, every earthly thought, for even one earthly thought, one instant feeling of hostility towards our neighbor can confuse us Belial, who rages especially violently against us before and during the liturgy, trying to turn the saving and terrible Sacrament of the Eucharist into judgment and condemnation. June 22nd. Evening, 11 and a half hours. I thank the Lord, who has honored me with His heavenly communication in the Sacrament of His Body and Blood. There were many, many temptations during the proskomedia and the liturgy itself from the all-evil Belial. Oh, his all-evil deceit! How he breathed in me with his cunning, his icy, deadening breath, what madness he brought into my soul, what coldness, what fear, what dullness and deadness, what darkness, what shame! But after communion and the use of the Holy Gifts, all the machinations and slander of the adversary disappeared like smoke, and I tasted the heavenly peace! Glory to Thee, Lord! Eternal shame be upon Satan and his angels! The smoke from the ships scurrying along the Gulf of Finland between Kronstadt and St. Petersburg was terribly heavy on my chest and stomach! Severe stomach pain! After communion passed. (There is no need to smoke; smoking causes stomach pain.) What should I do about destructive sin? He pursues me incessantly and arms me against everyone, and especially against the meek, humble and silent, unresponsive, like my mother. What kind of dirty trick is this? What a constant, disgusting, and extremely annoying war! Oh, how necessary is constant severity and severity against the sin that lives in me! There is no need to give him the slightest slack so that he does not prevail over me. Damned, we have loved a beautiful appearance in everything and abandoned inner beauty and pursue an unseemly appearance in speech, in the face, in techniques or movements, as if this appearance is a sin that humiliates a person, and from an appearance that is not attractive to the corrupt gaze of the heart, we do not notice spiritual beauty that does not like to appear: meekness, humility, gentleness, obedience, patience; while on the opposite side, because of the attractive appearance, we do not see the ugliness of the inner, which truly humiliates a person and brings dishonor to him, for example, the ugliness of pride, vanity, fanfare, frivolity, freedom, unbelief or nihilism, disrespect, disobedience, etc. How we have become fussy both in our deeds and in our views and have turned everything upside down! Oh, truly, the whole world lies in evil (1 John 5:19), and we are together with it! We have all been overwhelmed by the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes and the pride of life (1 John 2:16)! All have been corrupted in their endeavors [Ps. 13, 1 ]! And I, a sinner, above all! May I always condemn myself, may I hate myself, may I destroy my inner undertakings in the blink of an eye, so that I will not be a slave to the all-evil, all-murderous sin. Today I was allowed to eat fasting meals. Well, have I not defiled myself by this? – Defiled: firstly, by disobedience to the Church, secondly, by delicacy and gluttony, thirdly, by the lustful movements of the flesh, for the flesh, extensively nourished, naturally gives birth to fornication. So, why did I allow the fast food? Have I made a covenant with my flesh so that it will not commit fornication? And if this cannot be done, if until my last breath she does not stop encroaching on the purity of my soul, washed by the Blood of Jesus Christ, like an unclean animal, a creature of the devil, then I must constantly kill her and not eat fast food without extreme need. June 23, 1871. There was, however, an extreme need: a great loss of nerves and strengthening the stomach with lean food. God! do not make this a sin for me. You weigh my great infirmities! June 23rd was a hot day by the grace of God; on the night of the 23rd I slept without a blanket In the morning there was heavy smoke from the steamers, very unpleasant and unhealthy. That’s why my stomach hurt during early mass. I lost my appetite. Sunshine all day, a little cloudy in the afternoon. June 24th – clear and warm day; the windows were open at night Thanks be to the Lord for such a favorable time for all creatures, animate and inanimate. Glory to Thee, all-good and all-powerful! Glory to the works of Your hands, for He has created all things with wisdom [Ps. 103, 24]. How clear is the Face of Your goodness towards us, sinners, who constantly transgress Your good and blessed commandments! Today's lesson: we must endure long, because love is patient (1 Cor. 13:4), and in love is the whole law [Rom. 13, 10]. I thank the Lord for the gift of communion of the Holy Mysteries; He served mass with mental and physical difficulty; again he did not utter the name of the queen of the earth even a few words. After communion I calmed down. But he was weak in body: he didn’t get enough sleep, and he slept poorly from the braiding of his hair. What about ice cream? What about cream? What about fish and black bread for dinner at night? There is no need to eat fast food: it hardens the heart. The one who eats lean food does not feel the fragrance of plants, but the one who eats lean food fully enjoys them. Throw away your will, or self-will: it can be the cause of many evils and sorrows for yourself and for others, such as for your family, for your subordinates and for your superiors - but most of all for yourself. To Nesvitsky: everything is yours - both the place and the means. Use freely what God has given to you through me and to me through you. Every day the enemy binds and paralyzes my heart with addiction to worldly pleasures and things, and thereby separates me from the source of life - God. It produces pity for money, or stinginess, pity for sweets for man, but not for man; he produces the sweet desire of a sincere wife and his infidelity, disgust for his own; He daily produces in our weak, unfaithful hearts unfaithfulness towards God and our neighbors and turns the heart into thousands of reverse directions, playing with it like a ball. It produces stupid fear, stupid doubt, stupid shame, stupid laughter, stupid sweetness, stupid frivolity, all kinds of madness. Poor man I am! who will deliver me from this body of death? [Rom. 7, 24]. The tempter and the catcher are the same, but God is the same: I expect His help against my enemy, I trust in Him, He will not leave me. June 25. The day is clear and hot. When I first meet a person, I’m afraid of him, and when I recognize him, I despise him: what absurd transformations! Oh, corrupted heart, the source of all sins, all kinds of absurd states of mind: inappropriate doubt, suspiciousness, fear, fear, inappropriate shame, laughter, deceit, malice, envy, pride, empty waywardness, gloating, rancor, despondency! Damn man I am! I thank the Lord for the gift of prayer, for the gift of peace, freedom, consolation, consolation, light, strength given to me by the Lord. Addiction to theaters, clubs, concerts and various amusements, as well as gambling, will be condemned by God in the same way as addiction to money, to clothing, to food and drink, to drunkenness, because this is also an earthly passion, also a falling away from God and from heavenly things, also extravagance of the soul, also serving the prince of this world. Do not love the world, nor the things in the world: whoever loves the world does not have the love of the Father (1 John 2:15). We all suffer from earthly predilections and coldness towards heavenly things. This is a terrible disease of humanity. And God’s holy men are all verbal heavens, having left behind them all worldly attachments. For this reason they are glorified forever with imperishable glory and boldly pray to the Creator for our souls. Yesterday three all-night vigils with prayer services were served for the Lady of Tikhvin, and today there are four prayer services. There were many temptations, fears, and demonic doubts during the service for my sins. Finally, at the last prayer service he served fearlessly. Yesterday and today I sinned before God and my neighbors - I fell into despondency from the presence of my sister-in-law Maria Konstantinovna for several days, instead of rejoicing; The enemy suffered a great cold for her sake. How quickly I forget the good deeds and affection, the love of Maria Konstantinovna! But what does it cost me to treat her? - Nothing. I received and receive everything freely from the Lord. The same thing happened to me when the Tsvetkovs were visiting - I was even ready to cry from despondency and cowardice. This is what addiction is to temporary, insignificant goods that should be despised and considered trash, nothing more. Let me not be discouraged. The more expenses, the more income the Lord sends. Only we soon forget the bounties of God. Ah, proud people! The Lord is good and generous to me every hour, day, every week, every month, every year. And if the Lord is generous to me, then why am I stingy? If God is good, why am I angry? Is this how the children of such a Father should be? Is this what brotherhood is like? Oh, damnation, ingratitude, unreasonableness! Almost every day I receive income, every week - a fraternal good mug, every month - a gymnasium salary, every six months - a salary and pension and also interest, every year - a candidate's salary. What else? I am greedy for money, but I condemn and hate Father Matthew’s brother for his greed for it - I do the same myself, and I love myself, but I hate my brother who does the same. Why don’t I treat him like I treat myself? That's why he despises me. In addition, I am greedy for food and drink and sweets, which is why all the troubles happen to me, all the fierce temptations and sorrows. Why don’t I come to my senses and correct myself? Addiction to earthly goods is my powerlessness and shame; my contempt for them is my strength and glory. Why don’t I despise the sweets, wealth, splendor, distinction, beauty, glory of this world? Carnal pleasures corrupted and destroyed me in my youth - why now, in adulthood, do I not despise them? 26th June 1871 Saturday. It’s remarkable that the more generous the income in any week, even if I don’t know about it before, the more my flesh rages at the guests who often come and eat and drink from my meal. Oh, my nonsense, my absurdity, my ingratitude! Oh, pagan direction of my heart! Who will deliver me from him? Blessed hermits, who have turned away from all worldly charms, from all acquisitions, from all pleasures, from all the glory of this world! Pray to the Lord for us, that He may deliver us from the charms of the evil one and from his malice, from envy, pride, despondency and worldly addictions! Sunday all-night vigil. A great temptation during the all-night vigil while reading the Gospel: I stumbled at the thought of Elder Nikitin, a strange thing! (Do I work for people and not for God?..) The singers, hearing that I had stopped, began to sing and did not let me finish reading the Gospel. I was terribly embarrassed. The archpriest stood next to me. Satan spat on me. God! Cleanse me, a sinner. (I didn’t stand at the Gospel, I went to the altar, to the chapel, and there I sighed bitterly and begged God to forbid Satan. I shouldn’t have had fun yesterday - talking to the archpriest during the all-night vigil, although only for two minutes; he himself then went to shout during the all-night vigil.) I should have prayed more fervently during the all-night vigil. In the church, the miracles of creation, providence and redemption of God, the exaltation of the human race, God's wondrous help to the apostles, martyrs, hierarchs, and saints are constantly proclaimed; in it prayers are continually offered for all the living and those who have died in the faith and hope of the resurrection! It constantly glorifies the exploits of saints, apostles, prophets, martyrs, hierarchs, and reverends. Every day is perfect... Our days always pass in vanity, in sins. And we must be perfect, just as our Heavenly Father is perfect [Matt. 5, 48]. The Angel is peaceful... Through our sins, every day, every hour, we alienate the Angel from ourselves, the peaceful, faithful mentor, guardian of our souls and bodies. Forgiveness and remission of sins... We must hunger and thirst for righteousness [Matt. 5, 6], but most of the world doesn’t even think about it, they drown in sins and don’t think of repenting, adding sins to sins without any fear; kind and useful to our souls - in the world they think mostly about pleasant things, and not about good and useful things, how to have more fun; about what is good and beneficial for the soul, for example, how to gain the grace of God for the soul, how to strengthen the heart with it against the ferocity of passions, how to enlighten the mind with the light of the Gospel - few people think about this; in the world they think and worry about worldly things, and that is why many Christian souls remain alien to the grace of God and Christian life, and their lives and deeds bear the stamp of paganism; the rest of our lives will end in peace and repentance - few people think about this either, they say: we will still have time to repent, now we will live for our own pleasure, we will leave repentance to hermits and hypocrites, let them cry about their sins; Christian death of our belly, painless... They try not to think about death in the world and drive away the thought of death as far as possible... so that it does not interfere with living more cheerfully and does not poison the joy of life, while the memory of death has a beneficial effect on the entire structure of life and teaches sedateness in all actions. Blessed is he who is guided daily by the instructions of the Mother of the Church: he will surely be among those who are being saved. And how many do not go to church, how many come to church, are bored and do not listen or ponder the exclamations of the clergy! They lose a lot for their soul through this. Redeeming time [Russian: not wasted], for the days are evil [Eph. 5, 16]. Why be discouraged, despair in the face of temptations, why grumble, be impudent? Be complacent and patient. Be faithful unto death, says the Lord, and I will give you the crown of life [Rev. 2, 10]. Grant, Lord, that I be faithful to You until death and not grumble in the face of temptations and involuntary falls that occur from the fear of the devil and his fears. I ate a small meal yesterday: I think it will be better, easier on my soul, since I was sick both in body and spirit, and the same and even worse temptations come out. I smoked tobacco (smoked a whole cigar): I think it will be good, but it turned out badly: my heart became completely weakened and lost grace - this was reflected when a prayer service was being served to the Tikhvin Mother of God in the chapel of Gostiny Dvor. There were: Bazhenov Ivan Ivanovich and [...]. Late mass. He served in the cramped conditions caused by the evil spirit hidden and nesting in the heart; At the great entrance, due to the action of an evil spirit, the name of the empress could not be pronounced out of fear; the rest of the names of the royal persons were pronounced by everyone, with God's help, except for Grand Duchess Alexandra Petrovna. He said the prayers during the transubstantiation of the Holy Gifts with God's help, but when he exclaimed: Remember first, Lord... he doubted, was confused and could not finish speaking; And even with one mouth, we couldn’t finish everything. At the thanksgiving service during the reading of the Gospel, I could not pronounce the words of the Lord, perhaps ten times I was cleansed [Lk. 17, 17]... and further... I read the entire prayer behind the pulpit; leave said everything. After consuming the Holy Gifts, I calmed down and was renewed. I thank the Lord. He served Vespers throughout calmly and firmly. At the christening that took place in the church, the enemy terribly wounded and confused, paralyzing the heart from the presence of the archpriest. Oh, this duality! Why am I split into two, why am I not one good thing? Why evil? May I be entirely in God, may God be entirely in me. May I be completely devoted to my holy work, to God and His holy law. May there be no evil of the devil, envy, stinginess, etc., in me forever. Matins. I thank the Lord, who has granted me victory over the invisible enemies, who greatly harassed me in the service of confusion and fear and bound my inner and outer lips, causing me to be deprived of speech. With the help of God, I firmly resisted the invisible fighters and prevailed over them. (I could hardly serve the Midnight Office; I could not speak either the dismissal or the litany.) I pronounced the entire Great Litany at Matins; I could not say the petitionary litany in the last exclamations; At the special litany, again, by the grace of God, he overcame his adversaries, but he spoke slowly, word by word, loudly. Christ, Sveta, I said everything, I said almost everything, but the enemy was strongly washing away my heart. He does not sleep, cursed, in his anger. Grant me, Lord, to overcome the agitation of his malice, all his machinations. How he takes advantage of my off-duty days to create mischief in me and alienate my heart from the Lord! What efforts, sorrows, tightness, shame, defeats in the very heart does it cost me to separate from it, to drive them out of the church of my heart! Sometimes they will hardly destroy me, but they will raise such a storm of passions! God! For centuries 68 have you made me the laughing stock of ethereal enemies? Oh, Saturday! Oh, the resurrection that preceded it! I thank the Lord, who gave me victory over my passions and against the invisible enemies who gave me extreme cold during the proskomedia and the liturgy of the catechumens, who aroused my addiction to perishable bread (which the prosphyr bakes small prosphyras) and hostility to the prosphyr maker. The reigning house reprimanded everything and performed the entire liturgy safely; By the grace of God, he received communion without condemnation, without shame, and was even more comforted. He finally used the gifts peacefully, with unashamed faith. Glory to You, God! After consuming the Holy Gifts, the enemy, through a reminder, aroused hostility towards the wife of the gymnasium inspector, Glafira Ivanovna, who had been disrespectful to me for some time; by the grace of God, hostility is overcome and replaced with sincere affection! Prayer about this. I truly don’t know where and why I rush with words and actions during the Divine service, when I need calmness and unhurriedness, clarity in everything. The time of worship is ours, or rather God's, primarily, and to take it away from God is a grave sin. All concelebrants and all those present during the service are people of sins and infirmities: there are no angels on earth. Everyone is servile 69 to me, a sinner and weak: why should I be afraid of them? O Belial, who brings vain fear upon me, get away from me, I command you in the name of the Lord! Why upset your spirit with doubt, suspiciousness, confusion, fear, haste? Away with all earthly, vain fears that come from the devil, especially during worship, may the fear of the only God be in me. Let the adversary not double me, for he contrasts his evil with everything good: the fear of God with his demonic fear; To true, holy fear - false, sinful fear, like the love of God, the saint opposed carnal, earthly, sinful, passionate, unclean, dreamy love; faith of God - faith in human reason, in its imaginary omnipotence; hope in God - hope in people and in earthly things. During the divine service, the priest must die for the world, for all worldly calculations, for all individuals, so as not to have the slightest partiality towards anyone, not to be afraid of anyone with slavish fear, passionate, not to have a special earthly disposition towards anyone, but to look at everyone as the servants and handmaidens of God, as sinners, as weak in spirit and body and healed by Divine grace according to the measure of faith, love and zeal of each. God! I am filled with strong passions and extreme weaknesses of spirit; So, when the wife of Deacon Peter Sofronov, my colleague, was sick, I did not Christianly sympathize with her illness and, when she died, I did not sincerely pray for her soul as for my own, I did not sympathize with the grief of my brother Peter and his children, who had lost their wife and mother. There was some kind of dead coldness in my soul, some kind of slyness, gloating, for the deceased servant of God Nadezhda once had the opportunity to offend my pride, which was partly caused by me. But may the Lord forgive her all her sins committed through human weakness, and may her departed spirit also forgive me. But I myself take care not to die a spiritual death at all, for often, often it rages terribly in me, especially when I am not serving in church. The episcopal ministry of His Grace Paul, Bishop of Ladoga. I met with a dish and with holy water and a life-giving cross, I also served the clock, that is, I said exclamations. He served cheerfully, reprimanding. Before the proskomedia and for hours the enemy was extremely indignant and oppressive. In the Petrovsky chapel he prayed and heartily fell to the throne many times, and the Lord had mercy: he calmed down. At the great entrance there was no need to say the royal family. The Reverend spoke an excellent sermon by heart. The day is very hot and clear. Lunch in the Duma began at three o'clock. The Eminence and the Archimandrite went to [locators]. Lunch was over at five o'clock. The Reverend left at six o'clock. We traveled with a cross; finished at nine and a half o'clock: ext. 50 rubles. Vespers was served without compline, small, without the great and petitionary litany; I was quite drunk. The day is quite hot. I thank the Lord, who assisted in the service of Matins: the voice was clear, loud, pure, light. At the midnight office, my heart weakened from the enemy. Then the Lord strengthened me with grace. God bless! The day is so hot that you can walk around in just a shirt. God bless! I thank the Lord, who has deigned me to perform without stumbling, in addition to the great entrance, the Divine Liturgy and to perform the Most Heavenly, Most Holy, Terrible and Life-Giving Sacrament and to taste without condemnation the Most Pure Body and the Most Pure Blood of Christ my God, for the cleansing of my sins, for the sanctification of my soul and body and for the peace of my spiritual strength, together with the health of the body. Amen. The merchant Gerasim Murashov had a temptation: he came with a cross (we had been there the day before, but they didn’t find us at home), and he was angry because they called so much and did not receive us. Is it incredible that the cross gives life and works miracles, when the rod of Moses turned into a living serpent, when the same rod, by the will of God, performed countless and greatest miracles? But he was alive and miraculous not in himself, but because he represented the Life-giving Cross of Christ. Do not be surprised after this that we turn to the Cross as if it were alive, and offer a prayer to it, saying: O Most Honorable and Life-Giving Cross of the Lord! Help me with the Holy Virgin Mary and with all the saints forever 70. He is, as it were, a living image of Christ crucified, trampling down the power of the devil: where the cross is, there is Christ, just as where Christ is, there is the cross, so the cross is in Christ and Christ is in the cross. The Lord Jesus Christ for our salvation changed everything, even the cross, Divine abandonment at the time when He cried: My God, My God! Why have you forsaken me? [Matt. 27, 46] - to show us God’s apparently eternal abandonment of us, sinners, which would follow with us if the Son of God had not brought all the executions for our sins, and which would follow with all unbelievers and unrepentant sinners. The Lord endured the torment of His abandonment by humanity through the goodness of God, so that we, who sin constantly, would not be completely abandoned by the grace of God and we would not be under the burden of the terrible sorrows that overtake us, in order to console us in the sorrows sent to us by God according to His all-wise and all-good providence. For sorrows are necessary in the economy of our salvation as a means of healing and cleansing the soul from illnesses and sinful defilements. (God! I thank You for the frequent sorrows You send to me to cleanse my soul and heal it from my passions: pride, malice, envy, laziness, and from worldly addictions: voluptuousness, love of money, ambition and others.) Our souls are overgrown with thorns of passions, and we are careless, we amuse ourselves with our thorns, we don’t think of pulling them out: let them choke it completely; and the thorns grow, grow and choke out the remnants of the wheat, the remnants of goodness, faith, hope and love for God. Regarding the prosphyra, yesterday the enemy again fainted and confused me, constricting my sinful, passionate heart. I sinned before the Lord. How long will I pay attention to the bread, and not be wary of the leaven of the Pharisees and Sadducees [Matt. 16, 6–12]?.. We must serve God sincerely, with an undivided, undivided heart, for it is impossible to work for God and mammon [Matt. 6, 24; OK. 16, 13]. Do not worry... what you will eat [Matt. 6, 25; OK. 12, 22]... July 1st. Honestly (church glory) - with respect, with honor. Gregory (Postnikov; 1784–1860), Metropolitan of Novgorod and St. Petersburg. In 1814 he graduated from the St. Petersburg Theological Academy, where one of his mentors was St. Philaret (Drozdov), who had a great influence on him. Since 1819 - rector and ordinary professor of the St. Petersburg Academy; maintained strict order at the Academy, improved educational programs, and improved the financial situation of students; taught theological sciences, Holy Scripture, and participated in the translation of Holy Scripture into Russian. His lectures were distributed in printed and handwritten form to many religious educational institutions. The works of Metropolitan Gregory laid the foundation for official spiritual journalism in Russia: in 1821 he founded one of the first spiritual magazines in the country, Christian Reading; in 1855, the Orthodox Interlocutor magazine began publishing in Kazan; in 1857, the Spiritual Conversation magazine, intended for the laity, was founded. In 1822, Gregory was consecrated Bishop of Revel, vicar of the St. Petersburg diocese. In 1825 he was appointed to the Kaluga See, where he began to actively engage in missionary activities among the Old Believers. In 1832 he headed the celebration of the discovery of the relics of St. Mitrophan of Voronezh. In 1848 he was appointed Archbishop of Kazan and Sviyazhsk. He paid special attention to missionary activity, took care of strengthening the common faith, and headed a committee to translate liturgical books into the Tatar language. At his insistence, missionary departments were opened at Theological Academies and Seminaries in St. Petersburg, Moscow, Kazan, and Kyiv. Bishop Gregory was a major specialist in the history of the Old Believers. His book “The Truly Ancient and Truly Orthodox Church of Christ” (1854) was published four times during the saint’s lifetime. In 1856, he was elevated to the rank of metropolitan and transferred to the St. Petersburg See, and from that time on he was a first-present member of the Synod. Metropolitan Gregory was a tireless preacher; he preached at every service, addressing the listeners with simple, brief, but succinct instructions. Metropolitan Gregory was a member of the St. Petersburg Academy of Sciences (since 1821), an honorary member of the department of Russian language and literature (since 1841) and the general meeting of the Academy of Sciences (since 1856). He led a strict, ascetic lifestyle and was distinguished by generous charity. He was buried in the Holy Spiritual Church of the Alexander Nevsky Lavra. Prisny (Church Slavic) – dear, always close. Packs (Church Glav.) – again, again, again. Rebirth (Church Slavic) - rebirth, new being, renewed life. Right-beam (Church Slavic) – accurate, hitting the target directly. For centuries (church glory) - for what reason. Obsequious (church-glorified) – subject to the same weaknesses and passions. Prayer to the Honest Cross “May God rise again...” You might be interested in: