Дневник 1866 г.

You forgot the warning of the wanderer Andrei: reject anger. Force high school students to learn: “Have mercy on me, O God...” [Ps. 50]. You write well (handwriting and thought), when you think simply, you don’t think about it, but when you start to think and wonder (suspiciousness), to be cunning, thinking about the importance of the person to whom you are writing, then the handwriting will turn out to be bad, and the internal content will be the same. What is the name of sin? - Absurdity, madness, wordlessness 1, dream 2, lawlessness. Eat as little white bread as possible. Drink less sweet tea. Forgive me my sin, Lord, because for the sake of a dissonant cough ([...]) I despised my mother and became embittered against her in my heart. Because of the weakness of nature, which is characteristic of me and happens to me, I despised it. Brother Konstantin is like a meek lamb, and I am like an evil and bloodthirsty beast. How long will I not [change] internally? But he is the image of God. Be kind to every neighbor, especially to your own, especially to the one to whom you are accustomed, to whom you feel coldness, indifference, and disdain. And we are all at enmity because of our addiction to sweets. But rejoice when they take what is yours and do not repay it: the Lord will reward it. Or what am I saying? It is good for you that they take what is yours: it may be unnecessary from you and can serve to your spiritual harm, to your satiety. Remember that every kind of anger and pride and pity for earthly goods is a demonic dream. Love one another, diligently fulfill God's commandments. Do not quarrel with each other for any reason, do not serve the enemy. What kind of old beauty is this malice? How did it creep into me? How does she cling to me? How does it work? I am proud - that is my misfortune; one must humble oneself, consider oneself a footstool, a trampling of all, a servant of all, the worst of all, rabble, an insult to humanity, scum, the rot of humanity, an object of reproach from everyone, contempt from everyone, desecration of all - and this is in the depths of the heart. How can it be: a brother comes to you with love, but you greet him with malice? And never drink too much tea: it’s harmful to the soul, voluptuousness, anger, irritability, pride, contempt 4 for this reason. The Hypostasis Belly itself – my peace, sweetness, bliss, the source of all good – is within me. What else am I looking for? What am I asking for? Why am I passionate, worried, angry? And I myself don’t know what I’m doing or why. Have a simple eye - the eye of goodness towards everyone. It is time to put off the old man and put on the new man, being renewed in the image of Him who created [Eph. 4, 22, 24]. Ponder more often on the essence of Christianity, on its soul; be a creator of the Gospel, and not just a hearer; practice love for God and neighbor; Strive for the highest with all your might, despise everything as long as possible; cleanse yourself, sanctify yourself, renew yourself. Here is the essence! The Old Testament story tells you that you are worn out by sin; New Testament - that you are renewed by the Savior, but not without your participation. Participate in the renewal yourself, strive, strain. The forces and means are given. If you do not grow cold to the sweets of the world, you cannot be warm to the Savior. No one can serve two masters [Matt. 6, 24]. And he who approaches the Holy Mysteries must have ardent love for the Savior, for the Holy Mysteries are love. The Lord is all love, all desire! I desire to eat this Passover with you [Lk. 22, 15 ]! If anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, he is not His [Rom. 8, 9], that is, the Spirit of meekness, humility, gentleness, purity and chastity. How to be filled with the Spirit of God? Speaking to ourselves in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs [Eph. 5, 19]. This means that it is very useful and necessary for Christians and Christian children to learn church singing. Not to desire substance and not to feel sorry for substance, but to desire and feel sorry for the only God and man, His image and likeness, to feel sorry (to love) and to wish him all the good and the best. You are allowed to desire only what is necessary for the body, and then not during a holy task, such as prayer. Don’t listen to your crazy Vanka (that is, your sinful self), but listen to John. Understand what is said and do it. Despise the manifold evil that exists in you, not people, and do not be embittered at them. This is Satan's zigzag. Remember the words: as unto yourself [Gal. 5, 14 ] (that is, love your neighbor) and implied ones, but fulfill them zealously - do not be deceitful. God is on His own, and the devil wants to put it on his, but God is the Creator, and he is a criminal creature, and everything is in our one heart. A wonderful thing is the heart! It is the center of the Divine or the devil, the will of God or the devil. Don’t allow yourself to become angry with anyone, especially your father, for any reason. Be afraid of moments of anger. Be kind to everyone from the heart, especially to your relatives 5 . Do not owe anyone anything except mutual love [Rom. 13, 8]. Isn’t it offensive to the Life-Giving Spirit of God that we cleave our hearts to sweets and hope for them and want to live by them, and not by the Holy Spirit? - Away with sweets. Why don't we count sweets as trash? Why do we cling to them with our hearts? Oh, if we only remembered that people need so little! Oh, if only we did not have the devil’s wickedness, suspicion of our neighbor! Then the Lord will especially take care of us and ours, when we care first of all and most of all about Him and what is His! Wonderful and all-encompassing is His Providence. It is in vain to attack your wife and sister-in-law for reading secular books: for them it is an innocent pleasure. What should they do? There is no taste for spiritual books, it is not developed, and there is nothing else to do. [...] You [are not the law], you are not at home. My flesh is Belial's weapon 6. Therefore, we must crucify her with passions and lusts. If it weren’t for your daughter, you wouldn’t have guessed [maybe] giving your father tea. Sweets, sugar, etc. are the poison of the soul, alienation from God and neighbor. It makes my insides ache. What bliss it is to despise all sweets and have within you the living God - Father, Son and Holy Spirit! But in whose heart there is an addiction to sweets, God does not abide in him, for that heart commits adultery. Is this how people who have hope for the resurrection of the flesh and its union with the soul should live in this world? Is it in pleasures, in pleasures of all kinds, in neglect of one’s faith, worship, the word of God, the commandments of God, abstinence, purity, meekness, humility? There is no reality, no constancy in anything earthly - everything is a mirage, a dream, we see it every day: and our body passes away, bursts like a water bubble. Is it worth paying attention to this momentary game of carnal life, carnal pleasures? All the canopy is the weakest, all the sleep is the most charming, 7 through everything earthly the enemy deceives us and separates us from God and from His eternal life. Avoid sweet and hot tea: it warms the flesh, excites passions, and enhances carnal, passionate life. This is lovely. Man sees on the face (this is sin, a lie), but God sees on the heart (this is truth, truth) (1 Samuel 16:7). God loves simple and humble hearts (my mother). So you, in addition to education or ignorance, beauty or ugliness of face, beautiful or rough clothing, look at the very essence of a person - the soul, at this image of God, which in the soul of an uneducated person is often more complete, purer than that of an educated person. It is not for nothing that the holy fathers, who received a great education, adopted a simple way of life, simple clothes, simple morals and customs. Alexander, Bishop of Comania 8, Gregory the Theologian 9. In prayer or sleep, the enemy fights, either with embarrassment and fear, or with anger and irritation: he tries in every possible way to ensure that they do not engage in the work of God. We cry out the angelic song Tu... Live angelically: do not cleave to earthly things, think about the heavenly life. Tread on sweets. Run, we say, unfed souls, such as those who dare to the Teacher 10. And these unsatisfied souls themselves are: we ourselves are embittered at each other, we devour each other, we feel sorry for each other’s gifts of God. For the sake of God, what should a person not do, for the sake of his Creator and Savior? Everything, even laying down your life. But God commands us to love every person, especially parents, as ourselves, to honor ourselves as we wish to be respected, and how pleasant it is to see respect from others. How not to do this? How to be proud in front of someone? How to despise? How to get angry? Especially do not shy away from simplicity and coarseness of appearance and speech. It’s time to learn to not care about sweets, because of which there is dislike for God and neighbor, it’s time to consider sweets as nothing, to despise them like dust, like sand of the foot. I am surrounded by earth, I am earthly, but the earth must be alien to me: I am spiritual and my body will one day be spiritual. I must renounce earthly things. Fast. If you see in anyone any mental or physical infirmities, for example, timidity, cowardice or voluptuousness (I mean regarding food and drink), willingly condescend, considering the infirmities of another, especially a father or mother, as your own, for you yourself are subject to the same infirmities. If you willingly indulge yourself, be lenient towards others. God bless! Convince, force everyone to acquire the Gospel, the Catechism, the prayer book, St. Tikhon’s “On the Office of a Christian” 11. Committee for the poor. Remind yourself and others more often, saying: if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation (2 Cor. 5:17). To the glory of the All-Holy, Consubstantial, Life-Giving and Indivisible Trinity, Father and Son and Holy Spirit. Amen. Despise your own and your neighbor’s malice, consider it a dream, smoke, a bubble of water, madness, absurdity, a dirty trick on the enemy! Every evil, every sin, every passion is to be despised. Where I am, said the Lord, there will My servant also be [Jn. 12, 26], that is, in every place. We must all be one in one God. This is the goal and crown of Christianity. All the saints of God are one in one God, and God is everything in them: all things are in all (1 Cor. 15:28; Eph. 1:23); undoubtedly call upon them everywhere. If we study and teach others, but we ourselves do not correct our hearts, remaining proud, evil, envious, covetous, unmerciful, intemperate, adulterous, unclean, then what is in our teaching? More condemnation. What is our teaching without humility, kindness of heart, without abstinence, without change and renewal of the inner? What is our dignity without humility, kindness, and self-sacrifice? Whoever wants to be great among you must be a servant of all [Matt. 20, 26]. What is our brilliant appearance without inner kindness 12? One deception, a mirage. First cleanse the inside of the cup and the dish, so that their outside may also be clean [Matt. 23, 26]. Meekness, humility and kindness consist in not disdaining a person for anything, except his sin alone - and that is a sin, not a person - not being embittered towards him even internally for anything, but maintaining unchanging love and respect for him; especially not to disdain what is in human nature (although there is something or a lot in him that is imperfect), for example, the rough appearance of his face, rough speech, and so on. Christian love covers everything (1 Cor. 13:7). Here true love humbles itself, here it is charitable, here it condescends, where it sees ignorance, rudeness, weakness, poverty, even sinfulness and passion, considering the weaknesses of others as if it were its own or weaknesses common to human nature, recognizing its own great weaknesses and considering it fair and proper to serve the weak members of the great body of humanity: with its education - the lack of education of others, with wealth - the poverty of others, with his strength - the weakness of others, with his purity and chastity helping others to arise from uncleanness, for this is why the Lord did not make everyone educated, everyone rich, noble, strong, in order to give place to mutual love and help, mutual sympathy, interaction, the closest rapprochement of the members of the social body, its well-being and prosperity. For if one member of the body prospers, then all prosper with it; if one member suffers, all suffer with it (1 Cor. 12:26). Sovereign Lord Jesus! Grant me the grace to always have You in my heart, the Life of all and the most generous Giver of all blessings, and count all the good things of this world as worthy 13 and as they are in the thing itself - in the trash (and my very body), and keep diligently love for You and for Your image - man, for love for You is inseparable from love for your neighbor, for You are everything in everyone and everything in You is one, that is, there should be, and everyone should strive for this, and everyone should have everything in common. The multitude of believers had one heart and one soul... they had everything in common [Acts. 4, 32]. Here is a sample of Christian life! Addiction to the blessings of this world tears our hearts away from love for God and our neighbor and tightly ties us to this world; it plunges us into pride, malice, and covetousness. A true Christian places his entire spiritual and physical life in God, all his wealth, all his strength, all his sweetness, and a Christian by name, and not by heart, places his life in money, in wealth, in a variety of foodstuffs, 14 sweets, clothes, in secular entertainment, pleasures, in the theater, in concerts, in games, for example, in playing cards, in reading secular books, in general in earthly vanity. Oh, how many pagans there are among us in heart, in life, in aspirations! About Christ the Savior! Where is life according to Your teaching? Where is our change, our renewal? Where is Your Spirit? Where is the desire for the highest? Where is the thirst for blessings that cannot be told to a person... for the eye has not seen, the ear has not heard, and the heart of man has not entered into what God has prepared for those who love Him (2 Cor. 12:4; 1 Cor. 2:9)? We, the accursed, have fallen in love with the land cursed for our sins, the land of untruth, wars, murders, fornication, the receptacle of all sin, we have fallen in love with earthly sweets, in which fornication and rejection of You are hidden; we fell in love with the splendor of the earth, we forgot that the faithful among us are destined for enlightenment like the sun for endless centuries; we fell in love with the convenience and beauty, the richness of earthly dwellings and we forget, forgot about the eternal abodes, the beauty of which is indescribable and enduring. Return, O Lord, the captivity of Your people, for all captivity is [Ps. 13, 8; 52:7] and, to our greater misfortune, we are not aware of our captivity. He came to the meal, ate, drank, left - and the pleasure of food and drink passed, it was gone; it must be fleeting, because it was given only to satisfy the needs of a transitory body (the body is my shell, not me). This is how every day passes, and this is how all life will pass, and there will be no more of it, this earthly life and these earthly blessings. Why do we chase after vanity, why do we cling to vanity? Let us strive for eternal blessings, prepared by the immeasurable compassion of the Lord. Poisonous of Me, he will live for My sake [Jn. 6, 57]. And I often eat the most pure Body and Blood of the Lord in the Holy Mysteries - which means I will live only by the Holy Mysteries. Why should I worry, what earthly thing should I worry about, what should I thirst for, hunger for? January 24th, 1866. Monday. Day of early liturgy from the Neustroyevs for their daughter Alexandra. I thank You, Lord, for You have vouchsafed me to receive communion for the purification and sanctification of soul and body and the peace of my spiritual strength. God! Grant me to have Your Spirit within me - the Spirit of meekness, humility, kindness, non-covetousness, holiness and truth, mercy and all virtues. Let Your Spirit be in me: let this be wise in me, even in You 15, Lord! Hear the voice of Your indecent servant and make me useful: all things are possible for You, and nothing is impossible for You. God! See how the spirit of darkness, the spirit of malice, rages against me, how it fights me, how it constantly gives me a cold. Intercede, save, have mercy and preserve me, O God, by Your grace. Grant me, Lord, to put off the old man, which is corrupting in the lusts of deceit, and to put on the new man, renewed in the image of You, my Creator [Eph. 4, 22–24]. God! Grant me to see my sins and not condemn anyone: for I am the only one who has surpassed all sins that were from Adam before the law and in the law of Moses and in grace; but You, by Your destinies 17, save me, save us all. God! To you, the only Lawgiver and Judge, belongs the right and power of judgment, and we are indecent slaves, worthy of all condemnation and torment: who are we, judging a foreign slave [Rom. 14, 4 ]? God! You suffered for everyone and nailed the sins of the world to the cross, for You alone have the power to condemn and have mercy, to destroy and to save. Make us wise and strengthen us, O Lord, to live according to Your commandments, to love one another, to bear with one another, to strive with one another 18 to You, the common Father, Provider and Savior of all. For the sake of Thy name and Thy compassions, arrange this, O Lord; dispel the charm of passions that surrounds our hearts with Thy truth, tear away 19 and turn into nothing: for it is nothing, even if 20 Thy servants flatter and fight; Most of all, take away from us the spirit of passion for the corruptible things of this world, but grant us the spirit of love for our heavenly Fatherland, which you redeemed for our sake. But also grant the grace to reprove those who sin with love and never be angry with anyone, for rage is the fruit of pride, malice and ignorance of one’s own and common weakness, oblivion, and negligence. With the measure you use, it will be measured to you [Matt. 7, 2]. So, if you came, for example, home and had something against someone, fell into weakness against your brother, for example, became embittered towards him or pitied him for something in your heart, then he also feels dislike towards you, and he is ready to despise you if he is not a God-fearing person, and you yourself notice and see this; but you left your dislike, your sin, changed your heart towards him, for example, after an internal prayer to God for the conversion of yourself and your neighbor against whom you sinned - and your neighbor becomes favorable and affectionate towards you, and you feel good towards him. It's always like that. As you measure, so it is measured to you. Therefore, love everyone, even your enemies, and pray for them. The devil's pestilence is upon everyone. You have to feel sorry. Wordlessness (church glory) – recklessness, madness, lack of spiritual meaning. Dream (Church Glav.) – an empty ghost, seduction. Prelest (church glory) – deception, seduction. Contempt (church glory) – contempt, arrogance. Prisny (Church Slavic) – relative, close person. Belial (Heb.) – lit.: obscene, unpunished – the name of the devil. Rus.: Everything is more insignificant than a shadow, everything is more deceptive than dreams... The stichera “What is the sweetness of life...” from the sequence of the funeral service for the laity. Alexander, Bishop of Koman (†III century), martyr. Having studied the Holy Scriptures and Greek philosophy, he took upon himself the feat of foolishness and lived by selling coal in the city square. During the years of persecution under Emperor Aurelian, he was burned for confessing his faith. Memory 12/25 August. Gregory the Theologian (c. 330 – 389), saint, one of the outstanding theologians of the Orthodox Church, friend and associate of St. Basil the Great. Commemoration January 25 / February 7 and January 30 " February 12 Troparion for Matins on Holy and Great Thursday, tone 8. Saint Tikhon, Bishop of Voronezh, Zadonsk Wonderworker (1724–1783; canonized in 1861), was the largest spiritual writer and educator of the 18th century, whose works were very popular. Memory 13/26 August. Kindness (church glory) – beauty. As it is worthy (church glory) - as it should, as it should. Brashno (Church Slavic) – food, food. That is, “may there be in me the same feelings and dispositions as in You.” Cold (Church Glav.) – to disturb, bother, annoy. By Your destinies - here: “Thy wills.” Podvizati (Church Glav.) – to encourage something, to exhort. Tear away (Church Glav.) – remove, alienate. Even (church glorified) - although. You might be interested in: