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March 1st. Friday. Presanctified Liturgy. I thank You, O most merciful Lord, for after so much struggle you have finally given me the fearlessness and strength to read the entire prayer behind the pulpit without stumbling, unhurriedly. Thank you for Your prosperity. By fasting the enemy is defeated. Don't eat in the evening. Konstantin, my brother, does not stop living fornication. Give him some sense, convert him, correct him, Lord! To the living God - living prayer, to the God of truth - true. The devil, in the depths of the soul, undermines all the foundations of the virtues - fear of God, faith, hope, love, meekness, gentleness, non-covetousness, etc., and intensifies to instill his fear, unbelief, despair, enmity, etc., undermines respect and pure love for one's neighbor and intensifies to instill contempt and unclean love, disrespect for those in power and for all authority, which to every person, unclean love, selfish or carnal. The devil stands at the right hand of the priest, hedgehog [Russian: to] resist [Zech. 3.1]. For the prayers of the saints of God, who labored and suffered so much for the Lord, the Lord has mercy on us, but we do not want to call on them, ask for their intercession, or remember their venerable names. Oh! Their whole life was service to God, sweat and blood for His sake, unceasing burning and light, unceasing vigil, but we do not want to love these friends of God, who pray for us incessantly day and night in the Kingdom of Heaven! Crafty man! Communicating the Body and Blood of Christ, don’t you have true, abiding, eternal life in yourself, and why are you still chasing after something that has only the ghost of life in you, I mean food, drink, money, why are you paying attention 24 to corruptible bread [Matt. 16:6], partaking of the Bread of Life? Why do you listen to an unreasonable heart, hardened and hardened by worldly passions? The reigning house at the great entrance today (Saturday of the 3rd Sunday of Lent) spoke firmly by name, but when he gave communion to the believers, the enemy greatly violated the heart, just as when he said dismissal: he was confused at the first words by the devil’s violence and soon finished without finishing many of the saints! March 2, 1868. The Faith of Christ, no matter how ancient, is eternal news, because it has freshness, unceasing life; Meanwhile, the enemy of the faith of Christ, who is crushed by it, in people of little faith or infidels, intensifies to reduce the faith of Christ to the level of old human traditions and plunge it into oblivion and neglect, as he achieved this in many, tries to undermine faith in the martyrdom of the martyrs, in the miracles that happened over them, in the asceticism of the holy fathers and in the miracles they performed or for their sake. The faith of Christ should renew us, but due to the action of the enemy and our negligence, we are not renewed by virtue, but are plunged more and more into sinful oldness and, having grown old in iniquities, we consider faith itself to be outdated and decrepit and in need of change, while it is our faith - eternal youth, eternal wisdom, eternal life. For example, God became a Baby for our sake and was carried in the arms of the Mother - this is constant news, no matter how long ago this greatest event was, news, at the thought of which a believer grows spiritually, feeling himself a member of the God-man, a member of His family, and, looking at the icon of the Mother of God with the eternal Child, he is surprised at both the One who gave birth and the Born, for both are a great miracle of mercy, goodness, wisdom and power of God. And seeing the Lord being baptized, circumcised, and transfigured, what does a true Christian feel? Let flattering lips be dumb [Ps. 30, 19]. Say sincere prayers and litanies and exclamations - and your tongue will never become numb, your tongue will not stick to the larynx [Ps. 21, 16; 136, 6]. The disembodied enemy constantly, day and night, strives to uproot our faith and piety, the remembrance of death, the resurrection, future judgment, eternal bliss and eternal torment, completely cools us to the Gospel of the Kingdom of God, to public worship, to prayers and intensifies to implant his lies, earthly vanity, love for earthly goods, pride, hatred, envy, love of money, carnality, absent-mindedness, hypocrisy, disobedience, [every] kind of sin. We must pray to God with a fiery heart and with tears according to the guidance of the litanies and prayers of the church, for they, these prayers and litanies, are so sublime, everything that we ask for in them is so beneficial for our fallen nature. But, alas, the enemy of the human race and our everyday worries and passions cool our hearts, as well as confusion and demonic fears, and we coldly, out of habit, say such lofty prayers! God! You, according to Your unconditional mercy, made me a servant of the heavenly, highest and most holy Mysteries and the primate of Your terrible throne on earth, please 25 for, Lord, that I may unashamedly perform Your Mysteries and stand at the Throne of Your glory! I am many sinners, many passions - cleanse my sins and take away my passions. I am weak - strengthen me. I am fearful - grant me courage and a fearless heart. I thank Father Archpriest for the reminder of Gospel meekness and non-irritability, for I am really irritable even because of little things. But jealousy for God should not be mixed with irritability. You were completely disturbed in spirit during Matins because a stranger to you, without your blessing and without your request, read the Six Psalms and other psalms in the choir. Judge the archpriest by yourself: he too is outraged by every willful action of the members of the clergy, contrary to his will, and excuse him, do what is pleasing to him - which is not contrary to God. Obey one another and acquire humility [1 Pet. 5, 5]. How can I thank You, Lord, worthily for the fact that You saved me and do not cease to save me from the countless embarrassments of sin and sorrow and to help me in my affairs? What can I bring to You because You still do not reveal all my weaknesses, all my evils, all my passions to people and do not expose them to common shame? What will I repay You for the good name that You have given to me, unworthy, in the society around me? Glory to Your grace, which has mercy on me, covers me, saves me, strengthens me! What will I repay You for the fact that You created me and gave me existence, that You honored me with Your image and likeness, that You gave birth to me by water and the Spirit 26 and adopted me, unworthy, of You and counted me among the members of Your Church? What will I bring to You for the fact that You have given me honest and great promises and communion of Your Divine nature? Visualize more vividly the greatness, goodness, truth, omnipotence, omniscience of the Being whose throne you stand before. Disappear yourself before His greatness, do not think about yourself. Our Father, we say, Who is in heaven\ These words inspire us, first of all, to love God with filial love and to love each other, and then to philosophize on heaven, not on earth, for we are called to the heavenly Kingdom, to heavenly bliss. Let us be flaming with love for God, hating sin and loving virtue, and let us philosophize on heaven. March 17, 1868 I thank You, Lord Jesus Christ, my God, for you always perform miracles of mercy and power with me. Yesterday You pacified and strengthened me so much during the Presanctified Liturgy that I unfalteringly performed it with my heart and lips and read the entire prayer behind the pulpit calmly, whereas before I was embarrassed while reading and could not read the whole thing, but missed the words: having handed over the tablets for forty days... and so on. I thank You, Lord, that after the Liturgy you gave me deep peace, with which I remained comfortably and without stumbling all day and confessed to everyone reasonably, calmly and sympathetically. I thank You that You strengthened me this day to perform the Liturgy without stumbling and drove away from me the evil of the devil, which rushed at me after the great exit because of the vision of the reader Nicholas, who stood in the altar. You saved me through my hope in You, giving me courage and boldness. I thank You that You strengthen me, weak and fearful, do good to the daring, drive away sorrow and distress and successfully carry me through everything despite my extreme weaknesses. For, if it were not for Your help, I could not serve You and the lips of my heart and body could not open to the praise of Your holy name. For a strong enemy constantly catches me, outrages me, weakens me, plunges me into shame and humiliation, and tries in every possible way to destroy me. There is still the sting of earthly attachments, the sting of hostility, in me, in my heart, I still regret giving generous alms to the poor, as much as some of them ask, I am still of little faith, I have not yet completely relied on the Lord, I have not yet denied myself for the sake of the Lord. I thank You, Lord my God, for Your great mercy shown to me now (Saturday of the 4th week of Lent) after the Liturgy, before the use of the Holy Gifts. The enemy hurt me with embarrassment, fear, and doubt when reading the prayer behind the pulpit, and You, by great mercy, healed my ulcer and granted me to partake of Your Divine Mysteries in peace. I thank You, for even after the Liturgy you saved me several times, praying and kneeling before You, from my falls into sin. Until now, damned one, I have not learned to love my neighbor, I still do not cover his infirmities, I suspect, I think evil, I become embittered, I am irritated, I despise, I pay eye for eye, insult for insult, I envy. Almighty! I thank Thee, for Thou hast not disgraced me now, on the fourth Sunday of Great Lent, on which we commemorate our venerable father John Climacus, and Thou hast granted me what I asked of Thee, that is, without stumbling and loudly, with much strength and many tears, to celebrate the early Liturgy of St. Basil the Great. Oh, grant me, Lord, both the universal liturgy - this universal sacrifice, and all other Sacraments and services to be performed with boldness for many, in truth, humility, purity and simplicity of heart. Every sin is its own punishment, and a sinner, for example, one who hates us in vain, harms us, persecutes us, is worthy of pity and tears, and not mutual hatred and persecution - we must pray for him, that the Lord will soften and convert his heart, and enlighten him, blinded by hellish darkness. This is how we must act with our neighbors who sin against God and against us! But we do the opposite: we act at enmity against those who are hostile to us, we harm those who harm us if we can, we despise those who despise us, not pitying them as sick in spirit, for there is nothing more dangerous, more important and crueler than illness of the soul with sin, passions, for example, malice, envy, love of money, voluptuousness, ambition, etc. God! I confess Your mercy, internally sent down to me: I was embarrassed and wounded in my heart by the pity of perishable food and drink coming to me and, tired of cramped conditions, I turned to You, the Infinite Life, realizing my sin, said in my heart that I have You in my heart, the Infinite Life, and I don’t care about perishable food, drink, sweets - and calmed down immediately, leaving my delusion. Oh, my true Life, take away from me all addiction to earthly things, all enmity towards man, all desire for earthly honor. Do not allow me to be wounded by the pity of alms for the poor and be irritated by them, by the pity of sweets for family and guests, by the desire for expensive clothes and by pity for them, by the desire and pity of silver, etc., but teach and strengthen You alone to desire and seek. Be indulgent to your wife and sister-in-law, who break Lent by eating fish, for they are still an old robe, their wineskins are old, they have not yet been renewed in spirit, they are still fleshly, and do not fall into anger because of the food: it is better to eat fish during Lent than to look sullenly at everyone and be angry, to despise others, it is even better to eat modest food than to live in strife and quarrel. Let there be no hostility. Love is above everything. In relation to every person, be the way you want others to be in relation to yourself: be affectionate, generous, simple-hearted, cordial, a willing giver, a well-wisher, an assistant, an adviser, a comforter, etc. Remember that the souls of our neighbors often have a sense of what we think and feel about them, and there is nothing hidden that will not be revealed [Matt. 10, 26]. How often does it happen that a person sitting with us at a meal, about whom we thought that he would soon leave us, then seemed to denounce us, apologizing for the fact that he stayed with us for such and such a time. There are other similar cases. May my prayer be corrected like a censer before You [Ps. 140, 2]. How is this possible? - May our heart burn like the coals of a censer, like the fire of a censer, may our prayer ascend like smoke to heaven, and may it be fragrant, like a censer, sparkling, alien to earthly cares, enmity against the brethren, etc. Reflect more often on the prayer of the Lord, Our Father, and try to fulfill all its words: love God as a child of the Most Good Father with all your heart and love your fellow humans as His children, and your blood brothers and sisters; Avoid all kinds of malice, envy, pride, unclean carnal love; be holy, may the Lord reign in you forever, cut off your will and do His will; hunger and ask Him for your daily bread - His Most Pure Body and Blood, His words, etc.; constantly repent of your sins, asking for forgiveness of your debts; run away from temptations, overcome them when they befall you, do not serve the evil one. You must always take care of prayer so that it passes through your mind and heart and changes your will for the better. Without reflection and without heartfelt prayer is no good: it insults God. The future archpriest will need to pay attention to those who are perishing in schism, to those who do not attend confession and holy communion for a long time, to those in dishonest houses, to ensure that there is no trading in taverns on Sundays and holidays, to denounce or persuade merchants and merchants to be more often in church and with their children. The burnt offering meant that the man of God must burn away with the fire of Divine grace every sin, every passion in his flesh. It is necessary for every Christian to strive for holiness of life and not consider holiness to be the lot of only some, inaccessible to oneself. It is said to everyone: Be holy, for I, the Lord your God, am holy [Lev. 11, 44]. We all say: Hallowed be Thy name [Matt. 6, 9], thereby expressing a strong desire for holiness. It is said to everyone: Let everyone who confesses the name of the Lord depart from unrighteousness [2 Tim. 2, 19]. The majority of Christians are mistaken in this regard and do not strive for holiness of life with all their might - we all strive uncontrollably towards sin and lie in sins. An even greater part of us are in the delusion that we do not consider the entire Christian Orthodox world, all the saints who are in heaven, who also died in faith and hope and love and in repentance, and, finally, all the Angels of the Lord, as one body, but consider ourselves separate, while we are only members of the great Body. Why do we pray for each other and why are we commanded to pray for each other, if not because we are one Body, animated by the one Spirit of God, under one Head - Christ? Why do all the holy Angels and holy people, the Mother of God Herself, pray for them and for the whole world? If one member suffers, all the members suffer with it [1 Cor. 12:26], when one rejoices, they sympathize with him, everyone shares his joy, and there is joy among the Angels of God over one sinner who repents [Lk. 15, 10]. From the above-mentioned error comes the fact that the rich do not sympathize with the poor, the strong do not sympathize with the weak, the educated do not sympathize with the weak, the educated do not sympathize with the ignorant, feed the hungry, and they try to use the generous gifts of God, given to help the poor and weak, only for themselves, allowing themselves luxury in everything - in the table, in clothing, in the furnishings of the home, carriage, etc., and thus do not fulfill an essential Christian duty - mercy, without which one cannot receive pardons from God; That’s why we envy each other, irritate each other, are proud of each other, deprive each other of our due, offend each other, defile each other, do not encourage each other to faith and virtue, do not save, do not reprove, do not admonish. A beggar is poor every day, yet he wants to eat and drink every day, he needs clothes, shoes, which wear out, he needs to pay rent, but there is nowhere to get it - involuntarily he must ask you every day, and relentlessly, for alms, because others do not give to him. And to be irritated with the poor is madness, unforgivable hard-heartedness. How long should we follow the self-loving movements of our hearts? In giving the first people the commandment not to eat from the forbidden tree, the Lord is great, good, wise, and righteous [Gen. 2, 16–17]. The commandment - not to eat - was given as an experience of obedience of the first people to their Creator, the need of which they themselves felt, because the one who has received a blessing from someone certainly wants, on his part, to make some kind of sacrifice to his benefactor, which would testify to a feeling of gratitude and love for the benefactor, and if there is no opportunity to make these sacrifices, then he feels dissatisfied with the debt (there is no reciprocity), and since the human soul is power, then by such experience the souls of the first people they had to test their strength, reason, feelings and freedom and confirm their love for the Creator in virtue, in fulfilling His commandments, because in order to act in a certain direction, skill is needed. (A faster and a drunkard, a gambler, a tobacconist.) Every virtue and every vice increases and is confirmed by skill from more or less long-term action in a certain range of activities (an official who has entered any service does not suddenly get used to acting correctly in everything, but it takes time and time to get used to acting according to a known method existing in that department). So, I say, the human soul is a force, or a combination of three forces: rational, sensory and active. This power, or these forces, had to be put into action in order for them to bear the corresponding fruits: the talents were given - it was necessary to put them into action: the mind had to convince the Creator to unquestioningly fulfill such an easy commandment (as the Creator protected His rational creation, giving him such an easy commandment); the feeling had to be imbued with gratitude to the Benefactor and desire to ardently express one’s gratitude to Him by fulfilling His commandments in order to deserve greater benefits; the will had to rush, strive to fulfill the command of the Creative and not retreat from its fulfillment, no matter what obstacles might arise, for with obstacles to the fulfillment of the will of a loved one, the heat of love for him intensifies even more and the lover strives to fulfill it with the sacrifice of his own safety and even life (martyrs, apostles). But the first people lulled themselves into these feelings of unquestioning gratitude to the Creator (as we now lull ourselves to sleep under the burden of His blessings; they fell into conceit and self-adoration, just as our wise men or the rich, power-hungry people do now), dozed off when they should have been awake, and therefore fell terribly. The subsequent life of people and nations, even to this day, is, so to speak, a repetition of the [great] fall of some and the uprising of others. Man, as a sensual-spiritual creation, received from the Creator a commandment corresponding to his dual nature: the fruits of the tree, offered for testing, had to decide: what will his immortal spirit incline towards - to the sensual, earthly or to the supersensible, spiritual, heavenly, Divine, to the creature or to the Creator (we daily feel in ourselves a passion for creatures, and not love for the Creator - as a result of the first fall and failure to keep the first commandment). If they had then fulfilled the commandment of the Creator (and in fulfillment their love for God, having rejected self-love, would have been solemnly expressed), then the fall from God, from the spiritual to the sensual, from the heavenly to the earthly, would not have followed, then none of us would have felt this unfortunate inclination and addiction to the sensual, earthly and aversion from the Divine, spiritual, heavenly (love of money, voluptuousness, ambition, idleness, gambling, frenzy in clothing, decoration and arranging the comforts of an earthly home, etc.). The first commandment [of the covenant] contained all the activity of mankind, its fulfillment would have decided the immortal blissful life of people for endless centuries, would have averted all sins, passions, crimes, vices and would have fulfilled them with perfections of all kinds, just as failure to fulfill it plunged them into all types of sins and into temporary and eternal death. Why do rich and noble people often, now, as always, forget their Benefactor God and, instead of the Creator, cling to creation? Why this ingratitude? Why do they either not pray to God at all, or pray coldly, only out of habit, why don’t they go to church? Is it the Creator’s fault that they are cold and ungrateful to Him, attached to earthly things, and do not think about heavenly things? And here the initial reason is non-observance of the first commandment and an inclination towards sensual pleasures, which is communicated to all posterity. Why are the rich cruel to the poor? Because they do not see in man a creature in the image and likeness of God and do not see in him a neighbor, a member of their own, for inclination, addiction to the sensual darkens the mind and drowns out, suppresses the feeling of love for one’s neighbor and even gives rise to hatred for him insofar as we must share sensual benefits with him, so that children, coveting earthly power or wealth or anything else that was in their hands leaders, rebelled against them and killed them. To such an extent is the inclination and passion for the sensual and the aversion from the supersensible, spiritual, heavenly and Divine rampant in us! And everything stems from non-observance of the first commandment. If we had then despised the seduction of the sensual and not inclined the ears of our hearts to the flattering speeches of the tempter, we would all have been free from the fascination with sensual goods. The Doctor has come - no one turns to the Doctor with a prayer for the healing of mental and physical ailments. The Savior has come - people do not resort to the Savior with a prayer for salvation from the torment of passions. The Renewer has come - we don’t want to throw off the old rags of sin, we don’t have renewal of the spirit, we don’t strive, we continue to work on old passions. Today I, a damned self-lover, was irritated and indignant in spirit because my wife, who took pity on the maid Anisya, who had been doing laundry for two days in a row, took from her my duckweed, which was given to her for repair. I was extremely offended that my wife acted contrary to me and did not allow me to set my own, and I did not want to talk to her and my sister Anna when they told me that the servants were very tired. How proud, proud, angry, stubborn, and capricious I am! But I thank the Lord, who granted me conversion and repentance and the very prayer of repentance and forgiveness of my sins with the desired peace. Glory to Your goodness, Your bounty, Your goodness, O Lord! Beginningless Father, Only Begotten Son, Holy Soul, glory to Thy power, Thy omnipresence, Thy omniscience! Glory to Your providence for us, to Your punishments, for through them You correct the crooked paths of our hearts, turning us, who err, to the path of truth. March 12th day 1868. Tuesday evening. Oh, how far I am from the spirit of Christ, damned one! If something, no matter how small, is not done according to my will, I get irritated, get excited, seethe with anger, become angry, and because of an insignificant thing, I renounce Christ through deeds. And what is the reason? - Effeminacy, voluptuousness, excessive pleasing of those with whom we are annoyed. Glory to the power of Your Cross, O Lord, which protects me even at night from prodigal uncleanness and from all nasty evil. The illness of my soul is suspiciousness, evil thinking, suspicion, induced by the spirit of malice. Today in the Church during Matins all sorts of things are thought about Father Matthew, that he is an ill-wisher, and malicious, etc., although he has not proven this in any way! I sinned against the Lord - I violated the commandment of love for God and neighbor, condemning my innocent brother. Grant me, Lord, to see my sins and not condemn my brother 27. Even to this day I, called to the heavenly Kingdom and heavenly wisdom, philosophize below, cleave to the earthly, still to this day I am a slave of corruption, sweets, clothes, various beautiful things, money, earthly glory. Oh, damned one! When will the Lord be my part? When will I look at man as the king of creation, as the image and likeness of God, as a member of Christ, as deified, and will not feel sorry for him, will not envy him, despise him, hate him, but love him as myself, to the point of living my life for him? I am a hypocrite, a hypocrite: I have a plank in my own eye, but I want to take the mote out of my brother Konstantin’s eye; he himself is greedy, and stingy, and proud, and angry, and envious, and lust-loving, and money-loving, with many of those grace-filled and frequent benefits that are associated with the priesthood and with which I could conveniently correct myself - and he is simple, and kind, and helpful, and humble, but has a known, albeit gross, sin, which, perhaps, strongly attacks him. But he does not have those grace-filled, constant benefits that I use. God! save him and me in the image of fate. I know that I myself am ill with the most painful, self-willed, passionate aspirations: I am all vulnerable, mortified 28 My heart is hard and rough, like an anvil. Looking at the cross, constantly learn self-sacrifice for the sake of God and the good of your neighbors. If anyone wants to come after Me, turn away from yourself, and take up your cross, and follow Me [Matt. 16, 24]. Seeing the weaknesses and failures of others, remember your great weaknesses and sins and sigh to God for yourself and for your neighbors, and if you are in charge, then condescendingly punish for mistakes, meekly and judiciously, for with whatever judgment you judge, you will be judged [Matt. 7, 2]. Leave zeal and rage to the sinner. I must repent before my confessor that in the face of the Lord, in the face of the Life-Giving Mysteries, which I carried on my chest, I was furious with the beggars, scolded them, called them little dogs. How long will I behave this way before the face of God, for His dominion is in every place [Ps. 102, 22]. How long will I not change my heart? How long will I be self-loving, earth-loving, voluptuous, selfish, proud, envious, stingy? For my rage and cursing, or reproaches, or lustful thoughts, and greed, and the hunger for gain, and so on, all come from excessive pride and lust. The enemy of the human race, who wants to sincerely and unfalteringly pray in public prayer, tries in every possible way to stop and cool, entertain, outrage, stop in prayer, and to bind, embarrass, oppress, humiliate alms-givers with stinginess and stinging of food and drink to visiting guests, relatives and known people; so what you upset and amaze him with is the same thing he tries to upset you with. Such is his cunning, such is his malice! From now on, do not think or say anything evil about the fathers, Archpriests Paul and Matthew, but think well about them and speak well, for the enemy is inciting you to be hostile to them. If my brothers and fellow servants turn away from me, then they turn away rightly, for at that time I am filled with various passions: malice, contempt, zeal, envy, etc., and I must blame myself, and not them, despise myself, and not them. If they innocently offend me, then leave the judgment to God and let him himself be at peace. What does the cross depicted on the head of the penitent mean? How many blessings has the faith of Christ brought me so far? Without speaking about countless other benefits, I will say about one thing: how many emotional disturbances and passions she drove away and pacified me. How many crooked aspirations of the heart have been corrected! How many times have sins been cleansed and the soul saved from spiritual death! And how close the Lord our God is to the believer! He is like air, like the breath of our lips, the breath of our heart, our soul. Let us surrender ourselves, each other, and our whole life to Christ our God, without taking revenge on each other, without suspecting each other. He who judges righteously will arrange all things for good. We will not take revenge on our neighbor, neither in thought, nor in sight, nor in word, nor in deed, and will not give room for malice within ourselves for even a moment. Let's maintain unanimity. Breathe, Lord! Due to dreamy devilish fear and fear, I could not read the Akathist to the Mother of God before the throne: I doubted my ability to read - and what words? Words that are for all true Christians joy and joy and glory. Words that elevate the Christian race to heaven, to the throne of God! O crafty and all-evil envier of the glory of Christians! Why did I lose the grace of God? - For previous satiety and sweet-eating and sweet drinking. However, the very unfavorable weather that arrived had a very irritating effect on the nerves and state of mind! I soon developed scrofula. Oh, what a cross for me, my scrofula from my ear and my nerves! The Lord strengthened me to serve mass safely, through my strong prayer. I took communion into the world of spiritual forces. He took communion calmly. I rarely read the prayer behind the pulpit, with timidity from the enemy. On vacation I got a little lost. God! I thank You with all my heart for the gracious inspirations of Your Holy Spirit during public and domestic divine services, for the cleansing of sins, for peace, tenderness and tears, for sweet melting, for fatherly consolation, for boldness, for strength. I thank You that after a long struggle during the all-night vigil, You gave me the gift of prayer of tenderness, simple prayer, concentrated in You, supremely peaceful, tearful, especially during the Six Psalms. Thank you for your integrity and for completely reading the prayer: Christ, the True Light! Do not spare the flesh and nothing that constitutes the strength of the flesh - money, sweets, expensive clothes. The trouble is because of my anger: today I have already become embittered towards the poor who demanded help, especially the little ones - Their angels in heaven always see the face of My Heavenly Father [Matt. 18, 10], - and all because of his greed, addiction to earthly things. Those who have sinned against the Lord! All sorrows and misfortunes are my own fault, my evil will! God! I thank You that You forsake me, the repentant one, of the wickedness and malice of my heart. But how long will I have this painful addiction to earthly things and sweets and to my damned flesh itself? Our Lord God, for our persistent request for His mercy, approves of us, seeing in our persistence our faith and hope in Him, and we, sinners, become embittered at those poor who daily and relentlessly ask us for alms, even at children, whose trust in people is especially great, faith in the kindness of others has no limits, because they themselves are still simple and kind, gentle. Being money-loving, voluptuous, proud, we often look at them with contempt, we raise a cry at them, gentle sheep, and lose our temper, not wanting to understand that their persistent request for alms from us is driven by hunger, lack of clothes, shoes, the urgent demand of the landlady or the owner of money for the corner that they borrow from them. Are they not the ones in the prophet David who cry out to the Lord against us: for we are filled with much humiliation: our soul is especially filled with the reproaches of the gobblers and the humiliation of the proud [Russian: we are filled with enough contempt; Our soul is quite filled with reproach from the arrogant and humiliation from the proud] [Ps. 122, 3 – 4 ]? And, of course, sooner or later their plaintive cry will reach heaven, or what am I saying? - has long reached the ears of the Lord of Hosts, and His anger and righteous vengeance will stir up His anger against us. Hitherto I have not lacked in anything, having mercy on others, and I will not fail to the end, for the Lord is the same yesterday and today [Heb. 13, 8]. It is not in vain that it is said: let the hand of the giver not fail. Until now, the Lord has increased temporary blessings for me, and has not taken them away. I glorify the bounty of the Lord, His rich Providence. Remember well that we are all one Body, animated by the one Spirit of God, the Spirit of holiness and love. Trust the Mother Church completely in everything and solemnly say what she puts into your mouth. If you think about your countless evils and [obscenities], then you will not even think of condemning anyone or being hostile to anyone for any shortcomings, for you yourself are the first sinner and it is crazy for you to open your mouth against anyone. I could barely open my mouth now due to my sins because in the evening I ate soft black bread with salmon and black caviar and was fed up, damned one! Oh, what weakness, what cramps, what fears overwhelmed me! Several times the Lord admonished me, punished me for being full, but I, like Esau, do not admonish myself. And also a communicant of the Divine Body and Blood of Christ! Oh, how a priest should live abstinently! For what honor has he been vouchsafed by Christ God! Also, brother Constantine, who lives in adultery, should neither eat nor drink, according to the Apostle: one should not even eat with such a person [1 Cor. 5, I]. But I ate and drank, and that is why, by the way, I was subjected to a grave temptation during the service. I repent, Lord! Alas for me! I became a participant in my brother's fornication! Sinned: I did not now imitate the meek Lord Jesus, of whom it is said that He will not contradict, He will not cry, and no one will hear His voice in the streets [Matt. 12, 19 ], for today I cried out to one beggar (yelled out), contradicted his request, unwillingly giving much less than what he asked, and my angry voice was heard on the street. I have sinned against the Lord. In the person of the beggar, I angered and humiliated my most meek Lord. Is it not eternal life, is it not the Kingdom of Heaven that the Lord promises to all who feed Him in the person of the poor, who clothe Him, who give Him shelter at night, who visit Him when He is sick or sitting in prison? With what spirit, with what zeal, with what desire should one give alms after this? With what joy should one wait and squander one’s possessions in order to receive the lasting and best possessions in heaven? Oh! What the Lord endured for us to give us eternal life, endless bliss, how He exhorted us to be merciful, generous, meek, patient, but we are careless about mercy, patience, meekness and kindness! He likes to visit and treat himself to other people’s goods; he does not like to receive guests and treat him; When visiting he is cheerful - at home he is sad; when visiting he is affectionate - at home he is rude. He loves to receive for free, but he does not like to give for free; before the superiors he is a slave, before the inferiors he is proud; before the rich he is kind-hearted, before the poor he is contemptuous and greedy; he regrets others - he would like to take possession of everything alone and rule over everyone, one would settle on earth [Isa. 5, 8], would turn everything on earth into the pleasure of his flesh! This is the ugliness of my old man! That's what a moral monster my heart is! And will I still raise my nose! Poor man I am! who will deliver me from this body of death? [Rom. 7, 24]. God! I thank You with all my heart, for You have granted this passing day to be peaceful and prosperous; I thank you for giving me the grace to perform the Divine Liturgy of the Presanctified Gifts without stumbling and to read the prayer behind the pulpit in the truth of my heart; I thank you, for you drove away the dreamy fear of demons from me and gave me boldness. Glory to Thee, mighty in the battle of demons, my Lord and Savior! Updates, reach updates, man! Here are my other sins: I carelessly blessed parishioners and many, many who came up for blessing. Oh! We have neglected the blessing of the Lord! How important is this blessing! Destroyed the oath, it is said, gage blessing 29. The oath is destroyed by the cross through Jesus Christ, who suffered on it, therefore the blessing is given in the form of a cross in the name of Jesus Christ. But what do we not neglect, finally? – Prayerful infants brought for baptism, and forty-day-old mothers and infants were blessed casually. If you are sincerely devoted to the Lord Jesus Christ, then say with all your heart in the hearing of the people prayers for communion, in which poverty, weakness, uncleanness, and the corruption of human nature are depicted in living features. Oh, really, how damned we are all, poor, poor, blind, naked! We learn this on our own, and from the confession of sins by penitents, and from observing human morals! What disgusting and absurd sins, what sorrows, troubles, deprivations in life! What ignorance of faith, what carelessness about pleasing God and saving the soul, what drowsiness, sleep, callousness! Do not miss a single word from the service, because if you miss it, you will want to repeat it ten times, but you will not be able to, due to the malice of the enemy. I thank the Lord, who heeded my prayer for the pacification of my spirit and the peaceful reading of prayers for Communion, for I read peacefully and with sincere feeling, only in some places I hesitated to utter the well-known words: on the eleventh 30 and Divine communion and adoring graces 31, I could not read further, for the enemy, through doubt, stood in my way and blocked the path with doubt; I had to read the following prayers. He also stumbled with doubt in his words: no harlot; who came to You with tears, drove away ecu 32, etc. Oh, my madness! For this stumbling occurred from not thinking about what was being read. Confidence and confidence! You are a representative of the faith and the Church, O priest, you are a representative of the face of Christ the Lord Himself, you must be an example of meekness, purity, integrity, courage, firmness, patience, and sublime spirit. You are doing God’s work and should not lose heart before anyone, should not flatter or servile anyone, and should not consider your work above all human works and deeds. Palm Sunday. The branches of the trees mean us, for we are branches of the one Vine - Christ and must be imbued with His spirit - love, humility, patience, constancy in virtue, just as the branches are imbued with the sap and smell of the tree from which they are cut. The sting of earthly passions - voluptuousness, fornication, greed, games, entertainment and passions: pride, malice, envy, despondency, disobedience - butts people every day, it stings, and it hurts very much, but everything is numb, there is still no correction, the same sins are repeated. Do we really want to live in constant plagues? No, the sting of passions is unpleasant for us, but all passions have some kind of carnal, worldly charm, while the spiritual lightness and sweetness of virtue, which we have experienced many times, we forget when the carnal sweetness presents itself to our eyes, ears, tastes, smells, touches, we forget the transience of earthly pleasures and the eternity of heavenly, spiritual, prepared for those who love God and fulfill His commandments. We need to think more often about true blessings - spiritual, heavenly, enduring, and about the impermanence, fragility of earthly blessings, about their illusory nature. The one-sidedness of the activities of different classes and estates of society and the very halves of the human race - male and female - and its harm to the soul and the title of a Christian. A warrior will not once need military art, a musician - musical, a secular writer - literature, a carpenter, a tailor - carpentry and tailoring, a shoemaker - shoemaking, a bookbinder - bookbinding, while many here are engaged almost only in matters related to their temporary title, and not the title of a Christian, the eternal title. What will happen to them there, in the next century, when they depart from this life completely unprepared for that heavenly life, without having trained their spirit to accept future bliss? It is obvious that one must pay strict attention, incessantly, to the duties of a Christian, and acquire a heavenly disposition. Oh, this addiction to one’s flesh (and to earthly sweets, and to money, and to clothes, and so on)! Because of it, how much sin, for example, enmity towards our neighbor, envy, ill will, how much wounding, how much slavery, pleasing the enemy of God and ours - Satan, who is trying day and night to try to chain us to the earth and to earthly goods, knowing that we cannot work for two masters, and if we cling to earthly goods, we will probably give up looking for heavenly things, and that, since Through earthly goods we necessarily have a collision with other people who want to eat and drink, etc. and often need our help, we will be hard-hearted towards them or we will harbor hatred towards them for often borrowing them from us, for often entering our houses for food and drink... How much evil the enemy does in us through one addiction to earthly goods and arms us against God and against our neighbor. Ah, brothers, my brothers! Will we not all soon disappear from the face of the earth and be like those who never existed? Where are the works of love? Where is the fulfillment of the Creative commandments? Where is the spirit of Christ in us? Where is kindness, where is humility, where is love for souls, where is impartiality towards the temporary? Where is the zeal for spiritual benefits? Oh, vain, stupid people we are! We have distorted the image of our souls, we have distorted our lives, we have turned them around, we have turned them upside down. Instead of Christ, we please the devil. Because of the gifts of the Lord, which were supposed to constantly strengthen our devotion to the Lord and arouse zeal for the fulfillment of His commandments, we are at enmity with our neighbors, while the Lord commanded especially to love one another [Jn. 13, 34, etc.]. Because of the dust, we hate those created in the image and likeness of God, the members of the Lord, for whom the priceless Blood of the God-Man was shed, to whom all heaven and all its blessings were promised, whose soul is dearer than the whole world, as incorruptible, as God-like. Until now I have not stopped being greedy, stingy, angry at my neighbor over food and drink, housing. Look: your heart is the abode of the Holy Trinity, and your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit; May it not be a nest of passions and a den of mental robbers, may no worldly passion, no malice, envy, rebellion, impurity, lust, gluttony possess you. The Holy Trinity, which created us in His image, is of one essence and indivisible. And we too, having come from the same breath of the Trinity, must be one in likeness, like-minded, loving, merciful, meek, generous. God! I thank You, for every day You save me from the storm of passions and silence in the church by Your sovereign power and Your unspeakable goodness. My brother Konstantin gave a ruble for my starving relatives, and the ruble was a lot. Yes, I’m not angry with him for coming so often. Whoever gets used to giving an account of his life in confession here will not be afraid to give an answer at the Last Judgment of Christ. Yes, this is why a meek court of repentance was established here, so that we, purified and corrected through the local purgatory of repentance, can give a shameless answer at the Last Judgment of Christ. This is the first impulse to sincere repentance, and certainly annually - the longer we do not repent, the worse it is for ourselves, the more confusing the bonds of sin become, the more difficult it is to give an account. The second impulse is your own peace of mind: the calmer your soul will be the more you confess sincerely. Sins are secret snakes that gnaw at a person’s heart and his entire being, they do not give him peace and constantly suck his heart; sins are thorny thorns that constantly gore the soul; sins are spiritual darkness. The repentant must bear the fruits of repentance. To those who are zealous for bright garments, it must be said: all of you who were baptized into Christ have put on Christ [Gal. 3, 27 ]; and about delicious food: Heavenly bread, food for the whole world, is our Lord Jesus Christ. Be jealous of this clothing, this bread. A Christian lives on earth, but he must be heavenly, like a future citizen of heaven, he must philosophize on high, that is why he is a Christian, that is why he is born of water and the Spirit. Repentance is helped by consciousness, memory, imagination, feeling, will. Just as we sin with all the powers of our soul, repentance must be all-soul. Repentance only in words, without the intention of correction and without a feeling of contrition, is called hypocritical. The consciousness of sins is obscured - it needs to be clarified; the feeling is muffled, dulled - it must be awakened; the will becomes dull, weakened to correct it - it must be forced. The Kingdom of Heaven is in need [Matt. 11, 12]. Confession must be heartfelt, deep, complete. It is imperative that minors and even adult beggars who beg earnestly several times a day must be pitied, because bitter need forces them to beg relentlessly. And how much power of attorney the beggars have for us! They are ready to follow us all day just to get it. We refuse them several times with anger, but they still do not despair, like the Canaanite woman who asked the Savior to heal her demon-possessed daughter [Matt. 15, 22 – 28]. Let us learn from them gullibility and gentleness. I thank the Lord, who saved me many times on this day from my sins, through my prayer, and especially who saved me from my addictions to kamilavka and sweets. Oh, what a deadly breath our earthly addictions to food and clothing are! How I was wounded and embarrassed during mass just because I pitied the kamilavka so that it wouldn’t be smoked by the incense smoke, leaving it in another place! How wounded he was, sparing the sweets of his family as if it were an excess, but in fact as an idol of the heart! And whose breath is this? - The enemy, who at first deceived the ancestors with the fruits of the forbidden tree, and now he stings us with the sting of sweets, and property, and honors. What doesn’t happen from food addiction?! And fornication, and pride, and malice, and envy, and laziness, and other sins! I read the prayer behind the pulpit at the Presanctified Liturgy without stumbling. March 26, 1868 I should not be hostile to Father Archpriest Paul or Matthew, for this is the work of the devil. Let us commit ourselves, and each other, and our whole life to Christ our God; We will contemplate our sins. Who am I before my father, the archpriest? - Boy. Let the boy respect the elder and not think of himself as an equal. Everyone who exalts himself will be humbled [Lk. 14, 11]. Watch yourself especially when eating and drinking, or at the sight of food and drink when you are not allowed to eat it; also when meeting people who often come to us, especially when they eat and drink, with people who serve with us and are not in the same relationship with us as we would like; at the sight of beggars, especially often asking for alms; at the sight of our own beautiful clothes, threatened with the danger of getting dirty or somehow spoiled - for the enemy usually uses this time to tempt and wound us and captivate us, here he tempts us doubly - with addiction to things and anger towards our neighbor, envy, stinginess, contempt for our neighbor, who is the image of God. In general, do not trust your heart when it is indignant, trample on your old man. It can be seen that the blessings of heaven are indescribable and the bliss is indescribable, that our disembodied enemy so strongly cuts us off from heavenly, heavenly wisdom and nails us to earthly blessings. Blessed is he who despises earthly things and is wise in grief. Anna Konstantinovna respectfully kisses her hand after prayer, accepting the blessing. God bless her. I thank the most merciful Lord, for on Holy and Great Wednesday I was given the grace to perform the Divine Liturgy of the Presanctified Gifts without stumbling and to read the prayer behind the pulpit; I thank you for the heavenly peace that reigned in your soul all this day for the sake of the received Divine Mysteries and for the successful and easy confession of the schoolchildren, all the spiritual children in the Cathedral and the governor’s wife and the Kazakovs; I thank the Lord for the material gifts too. I thank the Lord, for on Holy Great Thursday He granted me, without stumbling, to perform Matins and read the Holy Gospel, and then to perform the early Liturgy of St. Basil the Great with many tears and to give communion to the people of God. But forgive me, Lord, my great sin, that I became angry with three beggars, due to my addiction to money, because they caught me at the house from which I had to carry out the removal of the dead! Oh, truly, here the devil caught me and because of my contempt and embitterment towards them, he entered with rage into me, who had just been renewed and pacified by the communion of the Holy Mysteries, confused, oppressed the spirit, humiliated me, brought on a muteness that he could not bring in the church, so that I could barely speak the usual exclamations of litanies, and I could not sing the troparions for the dead, for the enemy squeezed I have the mouth of the heart. It took me a lot of repentance along the way, a lot of kneeling, prayers, and sighs to regain the grace of the Lord again. Oh, how we must cherish the grace of the Holy Mysteries, especially on such great days as the days of Holy Week, especially the last days. And why should I be angry? Do I not receive everything from the Lord? Doesn’t the Lord constantly show His rich providence over me? Isn’t all malice the work of the devil, especially malice towards the poor, towards these people who are in constant trouble? How can I still work for the devil-man-killer, the worst enemy of God and man? Why don’t I work unceasingly and entirely only for the Lord my God, who created and redeemed me and constantly reveals His rich providence over me and over those who are with me and mine, such as: wife, mother, sisters, brothers, nephews and spiritual children? God! Give me Your meekness, Your unchangeable kindness, and completely take away the devil’s malice, his pride, and addiction to temporary things. May I serve You, the Lord my God, all the days of my life. If the poor look at you like the sun that warms and revives you, then why do you greet them with an indifferent look, and sometimes with a stern, and often rude and reproachful word? Warm them with your participation and love, as your brethren, as members of Christ, and the Lord will not cease to warm you with His eternal love and revive you with the Holy Spirit. How can I be averse to my family, to whom I owe everything, for the place was earned by their father and they are very kind and helpful to me? Yes, even if I were not obliged to them, and then, in a Christian way, I should love them as myself, be warmly disposed towards them, as I wish this for myself from others, according to Christ’s word [Matt. 7, 12; OK. 6:31], for we are members of one another [Eph. 4:25], one Body in Christ Jesus and we must love one another as He loved us [Jn. 13, 34]. Do you have pride? To her cross—crucify her! Do you have anger or envy? Cross them! Do you have disobedience, resistance, contempt? Cross them! Do you have self-esteem? Cross him! Are you suspicious? To the cross! Do you have gluttony, carnality, fornication, covetousness, stinginess, hard-heartedness towards your neighbor? Cross them! Do you have murmur, despondency, cowardice, vain fear? Cross them! Are you lazy or absent-minded? Cross them! Everything sinful and satanic goes to the cross. Revive in yourself humility, kindness, goodwill, obedience, respect for everyone, self-sacrifice, good opinion, abstinence, chastity, contempt of the flesh, non-covetousness, generosity, compassion, devotion to the will of God, complacency, patience, courage, hard work, attention to oneself and every virtue. The war of sins in us is unceasing! He fights every day. The Lord constantly reveals in us the powers of goodness, omnipotence, and wisdom. He alone is strong in battle, and we are reeds shaken by the wind. Glory to Him, the All-Good One, for His strength. Praise Him in strengthening His power [Ps. 150, 1]. His powers, the Heavenly Powers, are established in goodness, and do not waver as we do. And all the world forces, all the planets are affirmed. A lesson from the Great Friday incident. Father Deacon came late to Matins, and I was upset with him and therefore could not read the 12 Gospels with an open heart; On the first one I stumbled and missed some words, and on some others too. Father deacon told him to come earlier. All morning I was not myself. He said only a short, intense litany well. – The lesson is that we must willingly bear each other’s burdens, not be upset with our neighbor and be forgiving of his mistakes, for this is what love for our neighbor consists of; to do someone else’s business as if it were our own and not let our brother notice that we are doing him a favor or that it is difficult for us. Love... covers all things [1 Cor. 13, 1–7]. If the Lord laid down His soul for us, then we must lay down our souls for our brothers. It is possible to avoid excess in food: through excess, the enemy conveniently plunges us into the greatest troubles. All evil comes from excess in food. Lord Humanity! I thank Thee, for Thou hast saved me many times in a short period of time through my prayer in the Pokrovsky chapel in the Church of the Apostle Andrew the First-Called on Great Friday, after Vespers, during the confession of my spiritual children, when flattery and the death of the love of money took possession of my heart. Holy Saturday. I thank the Lord for the indescribable goodness and mercy shown to me, a sinner, in the communion of the Life-giving Mysteries. For after communion I usually felt the cleansing of all my sins, heavenly peace, lightness, joy, spiritual sweetness and physical health and youth - after I was weak in spirit and body before mass and during mass. Glory to Your truly life-giving Mysteries. Thank you, Lord, for through my prayer you saved me from great sorrow and distress after mass, when I came home, upset at the beggars who repeatedly approached me for alms, and at the archpriest’s father, whose expression upon meeting me seemed proud and contemptuous. Oh, how impatient and suspicious I am and how alien to true humility and gentleness befitting a Christian! If I were really despised, insulted, beaten, if intrigues were being made against me, if I noticed a malfunction in my subordinates, I should not become embittered, but should be calm, meek in myself, for malice is from the devil, and he sometimes deliberately lulls people subordinate to us to be faulty, or excites proud and evil people to do evil to us. We, for our part, must be kind, patient, peaceful and not be suspicious or think evil about our neighbors. To be humble means to consider yourself worthy of all humiliation, insult, persecution, beatings, and to be meek means to endure untruths about us, curses, etc., in a gentle heart, and to pray for your enemies. I see a bitch in my brother’s father - that’s my sin and illness; I look with contempt 33 and angrily at the manners of another neighbor, for example, a colleague. I will never think about pleasing people during worship, rushing and getting confused in order to finish as soon as possible, but I will think only about pleasing God, serving calmly and without any hurry, because in haste, I neglect God Himself, and consider people standing as if above Him. Oh, how I was ashamed on the first day of Easter, having first wanted to pronounce the entire royal house by name, but from the thought that it would take a long time for the people, I was embarrassed, confused and speechless, and then I was greatly indignant for almost the entire mass, although because of this I should not have been indignant, for there is no need to think about human opinion, but about God. See Climacus, degree 22, about diverse vanity - at the end. This is what I think happened to me. And that you are vain is evident from the fact that you strive to serve on great holidays without fail in the best vestments and are very indignant when the abbot does not give them, and you become embittered with him. Your stubborn persistence in this case is a grave sin. The stumbling block during mass, I think, also happened because on Holy Saturday I ate too much rice porridge, which I really liked. Do not resist the archpriest and do not humiliate him, for in many, many ways he is incomparably better than you, as you sincerely realized on Easter Day during Matins. Forgive me, Lord, my great sins. So, of course, I was abandoned by God for gluttony and satiety and the sins that stem from them: pride, envy, vanity, etc. We sign ourselves with the sign of the cross and signify all persons and things as the seal of Christ, for we and all ours are the heritage of Him who was crucified for us, as the sanctifying sign as a power that preserves and protects from all evil. Thus, the strongest poisons, protected by the sign of the cross, were invalid; people who attempted the lives of pious people could not fulfill their evil intent because the power of the sign of the cross was opposed to them. As a priest, pray especially for the purification, enlightenment, sanctification and renewal of the people of God and for your own renewal, for although you often drink the Blood of the New Testament and taste the Life-giving Flesh of the Lamb of God, which can soon regenerate and renew you, however, due to your negligence, you have not yet been reborn and not renewed, being betrayed in the depths of your heart as corruptible passions that were in you before. Bring to God a fiery prayer for the renewal of yourself and His people - this is a sacrifice most pleasing to God; Bring it with faith, strong hope, unfeigned love, for to the One who came from an old robe to make a new one and pour new wine into old wineskins, the prayer of renewal is fragrant incense and assistance to the Master’s intentions for the rebirth of the human race, worn out by sin. Do not neglect the work of prayer before any mighty people of the world or before any multitude of people, fearing in your heart no one except the one and only Lord God. In the Church of Christ, everything is based on mutual love and mutual assistance: I give alms - those receiving alms pray for me, or I pray for others - they pray for me; The church is praying for me and for everyone. Why? Because we are one body [Eph. 4, 4]. Who will be so self-loving and crazy that he will live only for himself, without serving others, without giving alms, without tolerating the infirmities of his neighbors, etc.? Almost every day we are convinced and re-convinced, convinced and re-confident in each other. Our concepts are so shaky, we are so short-sighted, we are so fickle, changeable, easy-to-hesitate! And indeed, now I am like that, but it cannot be said that tomorrow, even in an hour or less, I will be the same, because I can completely change - from a humble person to become a pretentious proud person, from a lamb to a beast, from a dove to a fox, from a courageous lion to a cowardly hare, from a well-wisher to an envious person, from a generous person to a miser, from a faster and abstinent person to a sensualist and a drunkard, from chaste - misogynistic! So we are corrupted by sin! Therefore, we should not value people’s opinion of ourselves, the friendship of the world, as false, fickle, but please the only God, for by truly pleasing God, we will please people too. To one who performs obedience without complaint, there is great fruit for the soul, which we see both from the example of the Lord Jesus Christ, Who for obedience was exalted in humanity above all authority and power and dominion, and from the example of all the saints of God who, for obedience to the Son of God and His Gospel, were awarded incorruptible heavenly crowns and eternal life with God and the holy Angels. In addition, to the one who performs obedience, there is rich fruit for the body, for what the lazy lose, the industrious and diligent, who bear obedience, gain. Therefore, obedience is fruitful for both the soul and the body, and if it is unfruitful for the body, it is certainly for the soul. So, everyone be obedient for good, but not for evil. Why do I eat fatty food, being tempted by it? I must love the fatness of the 34 words of God. This quiet, beautiful, star-studded sky will present itself as a once terrible sight before the appearance of the Lord from heaven. Oh, sinners, learn daily from the spectacle of heaven, when you can learn. Every day we sin before God, especially in that we enslave the spirit of the flesh, we indulge in voluptuousness, we become satiated, we drink to excess with greed, we dress ourselves up, we worry a lot about perishable health and pleasure, neglecting the health and true pleasure of the soul brought by contemplation of God, prayer, reading the word of God, mercy, and guarding the heart from all sin. etc. I thank You, Lord, for the spirit of the Mother of my Church, the spirit of wisdom, the spirit of salvation, which breathes so life-giving in all prayers, in all church services and on me, a sinner, often bringing peace, light, and joy. When someone unjustly reproaches you for something, then, instead of being offended by the reproacher, remember whether you have sinned in anything similar to what you are being reproached for, and if you are sinful, repent of it and accept the reproach graciously, as an incentive to repentance and correction, and if you are not a sinner, and even more so, joyfully accept the reproach for the sake of Christ, Who, being slandered... did not slander each other; while suffering, he did not threaten, but handed it over to the Righteous Judge [1 Pet. 2, 23]. Do everything and treat everyone as you would do everything and treat them before the face of the Omniscient. Father Matthew is kind and conversational in his approach, but until the matter touches him, even a small one, of self-sacrifice, then he changes his tone, and is deceitful. And so am I: I am kind to guests, but unkind to guests; he is good and affectionate when he accepts money, but unkind and rude when he has to give to the same people often. The edge of sorrow, which you thrust innocently into someone else’s heart, will also enter your heart, according to the strict law of retribution: with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you [Mk. 4, 24]. If you don’t want grief, don’t do it to someone else. To avoid daily recurring sins - resentment, anger, envy, stinginess, greed, suppression of neighbors, condemnation, fornication, it is necessary to uproot self-love, because from it, as from the father, comes all the hordes of sins. There is, Christian brothers, a true, real life, and there is an imaginary, false life: to live in order to eat and drink, to dress, to walk, to get rich, to generally live for earthly pleasures or worries, as well as to initiate intrigues, intrigues, to judge and dress up about others - there is an imaginary life; to live in order to constantly please God and others for the good, to pray, to purify one’s soul, to humble oneself, to do good to one’s neighbors, to admonish one’s neighbors, to pray for the salvation of their souls and to help their salvation in every possible way means to truly live. The first life is an unceasing spiritual death, the second is an unceasing life of the spirit. The Lord said about His Church: I will build My Church, and the gates of hell will not prevail against it [Matt. 16, 18]. This is said both about the shepherds of the Church, or the church hierarchy, and about all true believers, and about all the Sacraments, about all the dogmas and commandments of the Holy Orthodox Faith and about all the rites of the Sacraments, for example, Liturgy, Priesthood, Marriage, Baptism, Confirmation, Blessing of Anointing, which have been established for all centuries and have passed for many centuries unchanged. This is how strong the Church founded by the Lord is! Remember these words of the Lord and do not hesitate at all when performing any Sacrament. Be strong like adamant. Oh, if only all the feasts of the Lord, the Mother of God and the saints and all the days of the week left in me unspoken corresponding impressions and moral teachings and produced a saving turn and change for the better! Oh, that I might be renewed day by day! Risen Savior! Grant me to rise from dead works and walk in newness of life. Divine services, rites of the Sacraments, leave corresponding indelible impressions in my soul! God! I thank You, for You quickly heard me calling out to You, and You took away the confusion and sorrow of my heart and gave me the grace in the world to perform a prayerful blessing for those who were married to John and Mary (Serebrennikova and Krayushkina), and thereby support both the dignity of the rank and the importance of church prayer. Grant grace and marriage to be accomplished in peace, with a perfect heart. April 5, 1868. If people work for so long in the bustle of life and often force us to wait in vain for them to finish it, then shouldn’t we, the servants of God, work slowly, with order, with meaning, with feeling, with great reverence and zeal - to read our prayers to the Lord God clearly, separately? Let them wait for us better than we wait for them. May this be done, Lord, during every sacred service, during every celebration of the Sacrament. Give me everything that is mentioned above, for without You we cannot do anything [Jn. 15, 5]. Mental skins 35 attack us. I am completely reconciled with my brother, Father Matthew, and I attribute what happened to the treachery of the enemy, both on my part and on his part. I see the cunning and strength of the enemy. God! help and fix it! All-merciful Lord! I thank You, for You have granted me to successfully complete spiritual labors on Holy Pentecost, and most of all, to make Your people confess in calmness and prudence and to honor Your Holy Mysteries. Cover our shortcomings and indulgences with Your infinite love and immeasurable condescension and do not allow, by Your ineffable mercy, my spiritual children and all others to fall into the hands of lawlessness, under their strong hand to do Your commandments and keep us, Your servants, in holiness and in peace and in all prosperity. If you have eradicated from your heart malice, malice, irritability, pride, condemnation, envy, enmity, grumpiness, hard-heartedness, love of money, covetousness, gluttony, gluttony, drunkenness, disobedience, laziness, murmuring, despondency, lack of faith, despair, idle talk and other sins, then you can joyfully celebrate the Resurrection of Christ, for Christ has risen in you from the dead, and you have risen in Him from dead works, and if all these passions still nest and dominate in you, wait to rejoice, for there is no joy for the wicked, said the Lord [Isa. 57, 21]. If you have not yet learned to joyfully lay down your life for your friends, like Christ, wait until you rejoice, for you are still among the dead; If you are still angry with the poor, giving them money that is not yours, but God’s, just like the beggars, do not rejoice - you are still dead, for your soul is enslaved to the love of money, pride, malice, and anger. How long will you, a hireling and not a shepherd, be angry with the unresponsive sheep of the Lord, I mean the poor? Are you not yourself being wounded by your own malice, are you not being scorched by Gehenna? How our poor heart faints and trembles from gluttony, satiety, excessive sleep, how it grows coarse, how uncleanly it becomes, corrupted! I thank the Lord for the immeasurable mercy shown to me during the all-night vigil, through my prayer, in delivering me from great confusion, fear and powerlessness of heart and in giving me peace, strength, freedom, boldness. What wondrous powers emanate from the holy throne! Truly the Lord sits on His Holy Throne! But I must do what I repented of: avoid satiety, delicacy, covetousness, irritability, malice, envy, lustful thoughts and other passions. We do not live on our own, but strive and move toward life (eternal) along the path of Christ’s commandments. If you want to enter eternal life, keep the commandments [Matt. 19, 17]. Attention (Church Glav.) – to think, to care; listen carefully. Udovli (Church Glav.) - help, endow with strength, ability. He gave birth by water and the Spirit - he was reborn (reborn) in Baptism. Prayer of St. Ephraim the Syrian. Canon of St. Andrew of Crete on Thursday of the Fifth Week of Great Lent. David, sometimes the Father of God, even if I had sinned deeply, my soul, was shot with an arrow through adultery, and captured by a spear through murder through languor; but you yourself are ill with the most difficult things, with self-indulgent aspirations (Song 7). Vulnered, wounded, behold the arrows of the enemy, which wounded my soul and body; behold, the scabs, the putrefactions, the darknesses cry out, the wounds of my self-willed passions (Song 2). Troparion for the Feast of the Nativity of the Virgin Mary. Prayer for communion “Like on the Most Terrible...”. Prayer for communion “From bad lips...”. Prayer for communion “I am not pleased...)). Disdainfully (Church Glav.) – contemptuously, arrogantly. Fat (Church Glav.) – here in the meaning of “saturation, sweetness.” Skimen (Church Slavic) – a strong young lion. You might be interested in: