Слово 10

Defensive words spoken by him to his father and to Basil the Great upon the return of St. Gregory the Theologian from solitude There is nothing stronger than old age and more respected than friendship. They brought me to you - a prisoner in Christ, bound not with iron chains, but with the insoluble bonds of the Spirit. Until now I considered myself strong and invincible and (what foolishness!) I did not devote my words even to these friends and brothers of mine, but leaving everything to whomever it pleased, I wanted to live in peace, to philosophize in silence, talking with myself and with the Spirit. I imagined in my mind Carmel Elias, the desert of John and the premium life of the wise, like Elijah and John; he likened the present to a storm and looked for some rock, or cliff, or wall where to hide. I reasoned with myself: let there be honors and labors for others, for others battles and distinctions for victories, but for me, who avoids battles and goes deep into myself, it is enough to live as best I can, as if on a light ship to cross a small sea, and through the poverty of this life to acquire for myself a small abode in the life to come. Perhaps there is more baseness, but also more caution, the thought shows - to equally avoid heights and falls. This is how I thought while it was still possible to write shadows and dreams and feed the mind with empty fictions. What now? Friendship overcame me, my father’s gray hair conquered me - the old age of wisdom, the limit of life, the safest refuge, and the friendship of one who himself grows rich for God and enriches others. I am already putting aside anger, “let the meek hear and rejoice” (Ps. 33:3)! I calmly look at the hand that has done violence to me, with a joyful gaze I turn to the Spirit, my heart is not troubled, my reason returns; friendship, like a flame that has been extinguished and extinguished, comes to life again and ignites from a small spark. “My soul refuses comfort” (Ps. 76:3), “and my spirit is sad within me” (Ps. 143:4). I said: henceforth I will not trust friendship, and why should I hope for a person? For “every” man “walks flatteringly,” and “every brother causes a stumbling block” to his neighbor (Jer. 9:4). We are all from the same dust, from the same mixture, we have tasted from the same tree of evil, but one of us wears the most beautiful disguise. And what benefit did I have, I reasoned, from this zealous and glorified friendship, which began in the world and passed into the spirit? What was the use of the fact that we had the same shelter and the same meal, common mentors and lessons? What is the use of this, more than brotherly, merger of hearts, and subsequently - sincere unanimity? Will they really not allow me to remain below, during the dominion and exaltation of a friend, when many strive and achieve the opposite, that is, to rule with friends and participate in their prosperity? But why should I retell everything that was invented by sadness and despondency, which I call darkness of the mind? But this, indeed, and even worse, was my reasoning. I will blame myself for my arrogance or madness. But now I’m changing my thoughts, and I’m changing myself, which is much fairer than before, and more decent for me. You can see the sincerity of my change, wonderful husband, not only from the fact that you allowed my silence, about which you complained and for which you reproached me a lot, but also from the fact that my words themselves serve as your protectors. This is a clear sign of our friendship and the spirit that lives within us. But what is your justification? (If I sin in anything, correct me yourself, as you are accustomed to do in other cases.) You did not tolerate friendship being preferred to the Spirit; and if I am dearer to you, perhaps than anyone else, then the Spirit is incomparably more preferable to you than me. You did not tolerate talent remaining hidden and buried in the ground; I did not tolerate the lamp being hidden under a bushel for long, for this is how you think about my light and my work; You wanted Barnabas to be added to you - Paul, Titus to be added to Silvanus and Timothy, and so that you, through those who sincerely care about you, to spread the grace of God: “from Jerusalem and the surrounding area to Illyricum, spread the gospel” (Rom. 15:19). For this reason, you harass me into Wednesday, and when I would like to evade, you take me and sit me down next to you (this, perhaps, you will say, is my insult), and makes me an accomplice of worries and crowns; For this purpose, you will anoint me as a high priest, clothe me with a robe, place a mitre on me, bring me to the altar of spiritual burnt offering, offer the bullock of consecration, sanctify the hands of the Spirit, bring me into the Holy of Holies for the secret view, and make me a minister of “the true tabernacle, which the Lord pitched, and not man” (Heb. 8:2). But am I worthy both of those who anoint, and of Him for Whom and before Whom the anointing is performed - the Father of the true and authentic Anointed One knows about this, Whom He anointed “with the oil of joy more than His partners” (Ps. 45:8), having anointed humanity with the Divine, that He might make them both one; God Himself and our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we received reconciliation, know; The Holy Spirit also knows, who placed us in this ministry, in which “we stand and rejoice in the hope of glory” (Rom. 5:2) of our Lord Jesus Christ, to whom be glory forever and ever. Amen. You might be interested in: