272. Спастись трудно, но унывать не следует. Принуждай себя к смирению и самоукорению. Других ни за что не осуждай, а то и сама такая будешь

M. St. O. n. G.I.H.B.n. p.n. I wish you spiritual salvation. Read the book for the benefit of your soul. It is true that it is difficult to be saved, but one should not lose heart. Read with attention, and, seeing that you are not living as you should, then reproach yourself, humble yourself before the Lord, ask Him for help and show your will to correct yourself. And the Lord, in His mercy, will not abandon you with His help. But there is no need to think that you are living in vain and will not receive the Kingdom of Heaven, but you must hope in God’s mercy and force yourself to do good deeds, and especially to humility and repentance. You write that you cannot humble yourself and consider yourself worse than everyone else, then force yourself, force yourself to do this, this is what the work for salvation consists of. There is no need to get irritated, and if you cannot bear it, then you need to repent and ask God for help, and for your impatience you again need to consider yourself worse than others. To leave the monastery, do not even think about this in your head - this is an enemy temptation. Don’t judge others for anything, otherwise you’ll be like that yourself. May the Lord protect you. Calling upon you peace and God’s blessing, I remain with the desire for salvation. You might be interested in: