273. Вместо смущения укоряй себя за леность и кайся ежедневно пред Богом. В церкви не рассеивайся и не давай свободы своим очам

In your letter you wrote that you take on feats beyond your strength, and then you fall into despair. But what kind of impossible feats are these? I don’t want to get up at night and bow three times before St. icons. It's just laziness. However, I’ll also say this: no one is forcing you to do this. Therefore, when you wake up at night, cross yourself with prayer, reproach yourself for laziness and fall asleep again. At least don’t wake up the morning, that’s good. And you shouldn’t be embarrassed here because you live badly, but instead of embarrassment, reproach yourself for laziness and repent daily before God, and in due time, before your spiritual father. You are amazed how the saints spent their nights in prayer. They were saints, but you and I are sinners, and sinners cannot be equal to saints. You stand absent-mindedly in the church. Learn little by little not to get distracted. To do this, try to listen carefully and delve into the meaning of reading and singing. Also, remember more often about death, God’s judgment and eternal torment. And don’t give freedom to your eyes. Take a closer look at St. icons, but looking at people is harmful to the soul. You cannot bear an offensive word. In this case, reproach yourself more and humble yourself, considering yourself the worst of all people. Peace to you and God's blessing. You might be interested in: