Август 1882 г.

After early mass and prayer service. How many mercies, strengths, and deliverances the Lord has shown to my unworthiness to this day! How much kindness and kindness towards me from the Lord! And I myself am still so sinful and passionate, angry, proud, selfish, voluptuous, proud, suspicious, cowardly, impatient, fearful, weak! When I was going to early mass in the Duma Church, I met beggars, and I became angry, especially at the small ones, when they began to ask for more, and angrily said: be silent! And after that, an evil demon entered my heart and began to oppress, strangle, burn, confuse me, and this was until I, walking all the way in repentance, came to church and several times fell to the holy throne in fervent repentance of my malice with faith and trust in the mercy of the Lord Jesus Christ, Who delivered me by His all-powerful and all-good power. Today the Cross is presented to the worship of Orthodox Christians 45, and on this [and similar] days the enemy, seeing the weapon with which he is defeated, is especially angry with us and if he catches us in any sin, he torments us especially viciously and with rage. Yes, and we must especially honor these days of the Cross with love and mercy for each other, remembering the immeasurable mercy to us of the Son of God and the all-good Heavenly Father, who did not spare His Only Begotten Beloved Son for the sake of our salvation. I served mass calmly, peacefully. During the prayer behind the pulpit, the enemy confused me with fear of the strong and rich in the city who were standing here, and I turned, became embarrassed, and could not say the entire prayer. Then he went out to speak; after the word, I completely hesitated from some kind of false shame and fear and did not say goodbye - a new defeat, a new shame and disgrace, a new oppression and possession from the devil, from whom the Lord also delivered me for my fervent repentant secret prayer and gave me life and peace. We must first despise the fear of the devil and human shame, go ahead with boldness, not being ashamed of anyone, not fearing the king himself, if he existed, for God and His saints are above all. At the prayer service at Solomonia after the defeat from the enemies, the victory of the Lord was in me for my repentance. Glory to the Lord about everything! Yesterday's gluttony and wine drinking weakened my soul, and therefore the enemy easily defeated me. I thank the Lord for his help during the prayer service [at] the Thomasovs; served under all the machinations of the enemy, intimidation, boldly, sincerely, promptly, victoriously, solemnly, with dignity (in the second hour of the day). Man is a service being in relation to God by the very purpose of his creation, just like the service Angels. If a person does not serve God, then he certainly serves his passions, weakens morally, falls from sin to sin, becomes darkened and dies spiritually; Only in communication with God and in serving God does the true life of our immortal soul, created in the image and likeness of God, consist. From resentment of our neighbor’s mistakes and insults towards us, voluntary or involuntary, real or imaginary, malice is formed in the soul, a drying up of love in the heart, which should not at all exist in a Christian, who must be filled with love, for love is the essence of Christianity. And our adversary tries for nothing more than to tear love out of our hearts and instill in them enmity, hatred, malice, envy. As a means to achieve this, he uses other passions: pride, selfishness, voluptuousness, ambition, pride, disobedience. We must always keep in mind and not lose sight of the main goal of our existence - loving and glorifying God, repentance, mortification of passions, holiness, resurrection and ever-blessed life with God. All worship, all the Sacraments, all teaching, all church shepherding are directed towards this. I thank the Lord for the sweet, life-giving, holy prayer during the Sunday all-night vigil on August 1 (canons to the Sweetest Jesus, the Mother of God and Guardian Angel and akathist to the Sweetest Jesus). Father Peter Klepachevsky served. I stood alone in the Pokrovsky chapel. I thank the Lord for the indescribable, greatest mercy - for deliverance from the cruel consequences of being angry with a beggar at seven o’clock in the morning. Mercy took place in the Church of the Dormition of the Mother of God at seven o'clock. Twelve o'clock in the afternoon. Mass. I'm in the church in the Pokrovsky chapel. Now I have received the greatest mercy of God - through the prayer of repentance and by repeatedly falling with my head on the upper deck of the throne, I was freed from the devil’s anger at the Father Superior for his verbal insult to me in absentia (allegedly I am using the glory of a benefactor sought from me, and although he gives it to everyone, he does not use it and does not want it, and therefore does not want to give the poor woman a penny). Is it impossible to bear such a grudge? And they envied and hated the Lord for His good works and His heavenly, most holy teaching. Let him go, Lord, and give him some reason, I don’t know what he’s doing. How capricious and passionate is my heart! How not brought up in the spirit of the law of Christ! How fickle! I disgust myself, my heart, all the damnation of passions. I want to put on Christ, to be Christ’s, to have the heart of Christ, the mind of Christ, the will of Christ. Send Evdokia Ivanova five rubles. Uvarov is the same. I have tea in Kholmogory, in Verkola, in Sura. Infinitely many times I have come to know the omnipotence, omnipotence, wisdom, immutable greatness of my Lord and God Jesus Christ, who is merciful from him every day, delivered and saved, assisted in all my deeds, especially in the matter of saving myself and other people who turn to me and ask for my unworthy prayers, in attaining the title of priest and teacher, trustee (House of Diligence at care home). As my Lord lives, my soul lives, and the souls of all the pious will live forever. Let us remember this and let us walk in the right ways of the Lord all the days of our life. Amen. The sign of the cross on the forehead, heart and toes. The Lord gave up all of Himself for me, soul and body, and I must completely surrender to Him - with mind, heart, will, with all my strength (this is the meaning of the sign of the cross). After Matins. Three times today the Lord showed me the mercy of deliverance from secret bitterness: first, against the abbot; secondly, on the reader Adrian, who did not want to sing the stichera in praise of the first martyr Stephen and Saint Basil, for Christ's sake the holy fool, the Moscow wonderworker. When I fell in repentance, with faith and hope, to the holy throne, the Lord revived me, killed by sins and bound by the bonds of hell. I condemn my malice, impatience, and lack of leniency towards the infirmities of my neighbors. Grant me, Lord, to be purely zealous for You and Your saints, without striving 46 or being angry or serving my self-love. I had just managed to write down the previous one, and then again and again the most merciful and well-disciplined Lord delivered me from the tightness of hell, from the thorns of the devil (at exactly eight o’clock in the morning). God bless! Evening. I thank the Lord, who had mercy on me soon on the ship sailing to Rambov 47 when I sincerely appealed to Him for the goodness of my heart, in which I felt the action of Belial, forcing me to secret displeasure and grief at the women and men who were here, in general to dislike, which is why my heart was heavy, dead, cold; but as soon as I secretly repented and prayed, I felt the warmth of love and calmness, space, lightness, light, strength in my heart. Glory to the Lord! O my old man! When will I take you off? Morning. I thank the Lord for his help during Matins and the wonderful reading of the canons to the Lord (the repentant), the martyrs Isaac of Dalmatia and Faustus and the Monk Anthony the Roman, and for the singing of the stichera on the stichera of the repentant and the martyrs and the Mother of God. Evening. I thank and extol the Lord, who delivered me from the contempt and hatred of the devil when I got off the locomotive in Strelna and went to my fellow Pavlovskys, especially Father Fileter. With a prayer of repentance, I got rid of the arrogant demon that was pinching and deadening my heart, and received righteousness, love, peace and freedom, and earlier I received another deliverance in Oranienbaum. At home late in the evening, the Lord delivered me from the demonic murderous wickedness upon leaving the table and after prayer in the office. Always keep in mind the essence of the Christian faith: faith, hope, love, repentance, correction, sanctification, constant readiness for death and resurrection and eternal life. Say with deep, sincere reverence: I believe, Lord, and I confess... and so on, because you are standing before the face of the Lord Himself. Forget people, kinship, all partiality. The same applies during divine services in general and especially during the pronunciation of dismissals. Remember the words of the Lord: whoever is ashamed of Me and My words, the Son of Man will be ashamed of him [Luke 9:26]. I thank the Lord for agreeing with the rector, expressed in his conversation with me on the ship and in riding on the same droshky. Behold, whatever is good or whatever is good, let the brethren live together. ...For there is a commandment of the Lord, blessing and life for ever [Ps. 133:1,3]. (In a dream, Father Pavel (the abbot) appeared to me and explained how he feels in his soul when I have hostility or indignation towards him for something, and it becomes awkward and difficult for him.) Wednesday. After early mass. I thank the Lord, who miraculously revived me through the gift of tearful tenderness. I was truly dead before this sign of God’s mercy, and after that I served mass with tenderness, without stumbling, and received life-giving communion; Before the communion of his sister-in-law Anna Konstantinovna, daughters, Lisa and servant Anna, he said all the prayers with tenderness, read the entire prayer behind the pulpit, with an abundance of boldness, and said the entire dismissal. Evening. I thank the Lord, who delivered me four times from the adulterous obsession, from the violence of abomination and gave me righteousness and peace. The promise that He promised us is eternal life [1 John 2:25]. The end, or goal of the Christian faith, Christian piety is eternal life. Divine services, in general prayer at home or private and public, are a guide to sanctification, renewal, communion with God and to eternal life; all teaching, shepherding, and the performance of the Sacraments has as its final goal eternal life. If we hope in this life only... then we are the most miserable of all men [1 Cor. 15:19]. But who now carefully asks church teachers: what should I do to inherit eternal life? [Mark 10:17: Luke 18:18]. Very, very few. Most people are immersed in the bustle of the world; Many do not believe in the immortality of the human soul; earthly life for them is everything – the beginning and the end, alpha and omega. Or - many dream of combining earthly blessings, local contentment, local gaiety, wealth, local passions with future bliss, forgetting what the Lord said about the narrow path that leads into the stomach [Matthew 7:14], about self-sacrifice, bearing the cross of sorrows [Matthew 16:24; Mark 8:34; Luke 9:23 ], deprivation, illness, torment, about wise virgins and holy fools [ Matt. 25: 1–12 ], about a rich man with a rich field and an abundance of all earthly property [ Luke 12: 16–21 ] and so on. Make the sign of the cross on yourself and bow in such a way that the presence of reverent thoughts and feelings is visible, and not senselessness or frivolity and absent-mindedness. Clergymen or laymen often, while offering service to God and saying prayers and performing rituals, do not think much about God and His saints, who are present with grace right there, or have little reverence for God and the saints, they think about the people ahead and, having servility, partiality or fear towards any of them, they upset the work of prayer, fall away from God in heart and therefore remain without the fruits of prayer, cold, empty, unpeaceful, spiritually unsaturated. And rightly so. No one can serve two masters [Matthew 6:24]. And the worldly proverb says: if you chase two hares, you won’t catch either. August 5th. Just as you see the face of the Mother of God on the icon, so She, the Most Pure Mother of the Never-Slumbering Eye, sees your whole soul, all your thoughts, feelings, intentions, undertakings, your entire moral state, all your qualities, all passions, weaknesses, shortcomings. Of course, there are also virtues, all sighs, tears, all reverence is heard, thanksgiving, doxology, all secret and open prayers. Wonderful is Her knowledge! For She is the Mother of the Omniscient and Omnipresent, who created our hearts. Morning. I thank the Lord for the great mercy of salvation shown to me during Matins through my prayer of repentance and through repeated reverent kissing of the Holy Altar (the main church); The Lord delivered me from the stings of Satan, watering me with the grace of the Holy Spirit and giving me peace, freedom, boldness, and strength instead of confusion, cramped conditions, cowardice, and weakness. He was angry with the reader Adrian for his extremely greyhound 48 reading under his breath, he was zealous for the glory of God in an unclean, meek, unloving way, but with bitterness. After Matins, a new greatest deliverance from sorrow and oppression over the ranting with Deacon Vladimir about salted whitefish and frivolous laughter, for which I deeply repented, that at the altar, in the face of the glory of God, I spoke vain things - where the Angels stand with fear, where the kingdom of incorruptibility and shrines (I venerated the Holy Altar in the Peter's Chapel in repentance, and the Lord had mercy). The church is the Divine sanctuary, the earthly heaven, the sanctuary of incorruptibility and holiness - away from now all thoughts of corruption, all human passions, all self-interest, all partiality, all sensuality, all vanity, all servility to the noble, strong and rich people of this world, all servility before ranks and orders or the vain learning of the world, which is stupidity before God; before the one beginningless, all-wise, all-good, all-powerful, all-existing God, let every person who comes to the church revere and humble himself, and let him renounce for a while distinguishing people according to their temporary and fleeting advantages, let him present his common insignificance with them before God, common sinfulness, weakness, guilt before God, condemnation to death, that we will all go from earth and to earth, but in souls let us return to God for judgment; let us also remember the common honor in creation in the image and likeness, the common redemption, the one Church, the holy mother, the one font of Baptism, the seal of the Spirit, the common Cup of the Flesh and Blood of Christ from which we partake, the common school of piety - the church of God, the common death and the common resurrection - and may we all humble ourselves before God and before each other, may we love each other and may we hasten together towards the common goal of life - to salvation with eternal glory. We rejoice in the exploits, struggles, virtues, strong faith, hope and love of the saints for God and for each other and for humanity, the glory of the saints, but we can also strive like them, shine with virtues, receive eternal life and glorify ourselves from the grace of God. Let us be jealous of them, let us imitate them. I thank the Lord, who saved me from the absurd sin of pitying the toilet papers that I prepare myself and which, I think, the janitor’s wife Anna zealously robbed. What sorrow and distress, what despondency! He would have rushed to look for his imaginary or real, but insignificant losses, and he would have heatedly reprimanded her and lectured her! To what extent the madness of worldly passions can reach, to what trifles! And you lose common sense! I had to deeply, strongly repent of this madness, this addiction to the most trivial things, this love of earth, this love of love and amorousness, and only through sincere repentance and admonition did the Lord deliver me from heartache! Now I myself agree to give these things with both hands: take whoever needs it and how much you need! I thank the Lord, who delivered me from cramped conditions and sorrow and gave me peace, space, and life. I thank the Lord for the abundant rain with thunder and lightning, caused by my unworthiness and my faith yesterday and today. The rain began at half past six in the evening, heavy, wonderfully watering the earth and refreshing the air. Transfiguration. After early mass in the Duma Church. Tormenting thorns were in my soul during mass, she was relaxed and weak, and I often fell to the holy throne with a prayer for deliverance from sorrows and oppression, and the Lord clearly, graciously had mercy on me, and I received life-giving communion; but the prayers before the communion of women became a stumbling block for me, I became confused, embarrassed, and did not say all the prayers; I read the pulpit loudly, but fell through the wicked deceit of Belial; I delivered my sermon well, but I cut off my release involuntarily, due to the action of the bastard Satan, who would not let me go. Upon arriving home and in the kindergarten to rest, I was extremely tired of carnal voluptuousness, which was even more frenzied by the arrival of a young girl; Only through prayer, patience and faith did I defeat my enemies - the demons of voluptuousness, my multi-passionate flesh. At a prayer service on Viktorskaya Street near Solovyova, the enemy again confused me with the thought of rewarding myself for my labors, and I could not properly perform the prayer service, but I was weakened by the enemies and deprived of power; It was hard, I repented all the way, and in the cathedral at the throne I was healed. At about two o'clock in the afternoon a memorial service for Mikhail Tim. Zarudnevo; I didn’t say all of the release, and again there was hellish cramping, from which I was delivered at the holy throne in the cathedral by the ineffable mercy of the Lord and through the prayer of repentance. God bless! Oh, how varied are our heartfelt fornication, our heartfelt addictions, passions, idols! Now the beauty of the flesh, now the clothes, now the gold and precious stones, now the fabrics, now the greed of money or anger, envy, jealousy, impatience, stinginess, laziness, disobedience, gluttony! And any addiction causes deep wounds to the soul, it can kill the soul forever! We, blinded by everyday passions, often give importance to what is not of such importance, and do not appreciate what should have the greatest value in the eyes of us, as well as of all people. The first items include the vain goods of the world - food, drink, elegant clothing, decoration of the home beyond the need and measure, ranks, distinctions, unimportant insults, unimportant losses, temporary and material. The latter include: salvation of the soul, eternity, pleasing God, zeal for virtue, careful avoidance of all sin, attending worship services, home prayer, reading the Holy Scriptures and the writings of the holy fathers, etc. I thank the Lord for the sweet, wondrous deliverance of me from the hellish oppression of the enemy that befell me at the end of the memorial service for M. Tim. Zarudneva and from which I got rid of by diligently invoking the name of the Lord in repentance at the end of the Catherine Park, or, more accurately and more perfectly, walking along the panel of the Lord's Street. Oh, my sweet salvation, Lord! What in the world can compare with the mercy of God? Nothing. After early mass with the communicants. I thank the Lord, who sent down tearful tenderness to me, poor man, during the celebration of the immeasurably great Sacrament and who deigned me to partake without condemnation of the wonderful, life-giving, immortal Mysteries. I thank the Lord, who did not allow the evil Satan to devour me during the fragmentation of the most pure Body for the communicants, for the evildoer put some grief into the prosphora bowl for the batter of the prosphora in general and the lamb prosphora separately, and through this he almost deprived me of peace, freedom and boldness. Already the soul was beginning to worry and be scorched by hellish fire, but the prayer of faith and repentance and the word that the grace of God is not in quantity, but in quality and does not depend on the emptiness of bread, but lies in the immutable will of God and in the power of the perfect words: create slaughter... Having transformed it by the Spirit. To Your Saints, saved me from the adversary and his hellish confusion and fire; going out with the Cup to the people, I read the prayers with tears. I believe, Lord... Thy Supper... and so on, and received communion with peace and warmth of heart; but then soon the ethereal enemies with their cunning almost swallowed me up again: an extremely unseemly old woman came up to take communion; her enemies instilled disgust and hostility towards her; I began with all my might to resist this absurdity, this partiality and to justify, [honest] the poor old woman, who was not at all to blame for her face, for its ugly and rough features and who had the same soul with everyone in the image of God and, perhaps, better than many - and barely defeated the ethereal enemies after a stubborn hellish struggle, and then victoriously read the prayer behind the pulpit and the dismissal, [and the memorial service] well committed. Four o'clock in the evening. I thank the Lord, who delivered me from the torment of carnal passion through fervent prayer of repentance. Cover me, O Lord, with Your incorruption, Your righteousness, Your purity. Wake up! Amen. After the all-night vigil and memorial service for Mikhail Zarudneva. I thank You, innumerable and invincible in mercy, Lord, for you shake off sin and death many times a day from the heart and from all the sorrows of my soul and body, and always give the life-giving streams of the Holy Spirit to my soul, and deliver with Your [...] my poor, sinful and humble soul. For not reprimanding my release at the funeral service, the bodiless enemy stung me with his deadly sting, put me to shame, killed me, and for my repentance you revived me when I was walking along Catherine Boulevard. Glory! Sunday. Thank you, Lord, for two miracles of deliverance before and after the christening of Ivan Matfeevich Nikiforov’s baby Olympiad, who was terribly lousy from head to toe. Ordeal! I prayed before the christening, standing at the holy icons, for forgiveness of sins and peace, and received mercy and peace, but then, when the conversation came up about the church chapels in the Vladimir military church, I was envious - and died in spirit, and read the prayers of the Sacrament with the greatest difficulty, with the sting of a snake, I shouted out rather than read; After the christening, he fell to God in repentance, and He had mercy, inexhaustible in mercy. I commemorate the miracle of the Lord’s mercy with me, revealed in the Assumption Church, when I deliberately went into mortal cramped conditions to venerate the Holy Altar in repentance for my cruelty towards a beggar girl, whom I tore out by the ear for her frequent request. The Lord mercifully took away sin and death from my soul. Do not grieve if you lose any book - this is lack of faith. Do not rely on a book, but on the grace of the Holy Spirit, which will teach you everything useful and saving even without that book. The apostles knew everything that was necessary for them and for people even without books. Don't grieve if you lose anything you love. May they not be idols for you. Three o'clock in the evening. God! I thank You, infinitely merciful and saving, that even this day you saved me powerfully and quickly, graciously and generously, once during Matins, and then at the ninth hour from the hellish tightness of voluptuousness, which stung me from just looking at the virgin. For a long time I suffered unbearably from the poison of the prodigal, finally, in the church, which I deliberately came to, I venerated with faith in repentance the holy throne, or, better, the One sitting on it, several times, and the Lord had mercy, healed, and pacified. Then at home, at the third hour, the Lord delivered me from the same passion through a prayer of repentance. O food! Food! O gluttony! O voluptuousness! O frivolity! O carnality! How disastrous you are! Last Sunday I visited the merchant A. Murashov, carelessly drank a tincture of cloudberry bran and became drunk; The next day I had a headache, and by evening, thank God, the pain went away: partly the reason for this was the good sherry at Kalinich Markov, but most of all, the mercy of God. Oh, damned me! I do not have sincere Christian, spiritual, holy, selfless love, but everything is selfish, partial; if they love me, respect me, please me - and I, perhaps, love, respect, please me; If they are indifferent to me, disinclined, disrespectful, unkind, or they insult me ​​in any way, neglect me, offend me, deprive me of any earthly blessings, really hate me or it seems to me, then I also repay them with equal retribution for the manifestation of human dislike, coldness, hostility. I am a pagan, not a Christian in my heart and actions (regarding greetings to Marina Ivanovna Taratina). I must certainly overcome the ungodly feeling of the old man and introduce the feelings of benevolence, meekness, humility, kindness, impartiality and others of the new man, love enemies, bless scolders, do good to those who hate me. In liturgical hymns and readings, Divine manifold grace, Divine wisdom, faith, hope and love, light, peace that surpasses all understanding, incorruptibility, immortality and eternal life, truth and holiness, mental fragrance, repentance, tearful compunction, praise and glory and joy in the Holy Spirit are constantly sharpened. I thank the Lord for the sincere prayer I asked for the deceased Mikhail (Zarudnev) on August 6 at seven o’clock in the evening, after mature reflection on the helplessness of our soul, departing from this life into the future. Grant, Lord, to always sincerely pray for the living and the dead. Grant, Lord, that you always offer your Bloodless Sacrifice with a pure and sincerely loving heart for all the living and the dead, and a grateful Sacrifice for all the saints, especially (fairly) for the Most Holy, Most Pure, Most Blessed, Glorious Mother of God and Ever-Virgin Mary. Grant me to always be imbued with all-encompassing universal love - the love with which You, Lord, loved humanity. Oh, what a sweet deliverance the Lord sent me in church during Little Vespers after the frenzy of carnal voluptuousness! What peace, what freedom, coolness instead of confusion, cramped conditions, hellish fire! Grant me to work for You, Lord, unceasingly, unchangeably, non-slothfully, forever, and always run away from all sin. August 7. Four and a half evenings on Sunday, August 8th. During Little Vespers at the beginning, while reading the 103rd Psalm, the Lord showed me the greatest mercy through the prayer of repentance and through kissing with faith the Holy Altar at the Intercession, delivering me from mortal distress, pacifying and gladdening my soul with the grace of salvation. During an early mass in the Assumption Church, the Lord showed me the greatest mercy of deliverance from spiritual distress and death at the beginning of the mass and at the very end after dismissal, which I did not say out of fear of the devil, for which I repented and received from the Lord permission from mortal bonds. I thank the Lord, who delivered me from delusion, crampedness and impurity of heart through my prayer of repentance during Matins. Great art thou, O Lord, and marvelous are thy works 49 . I thank the Lord for the gift of serving the early liturgy and for granting me, my wife and niece Rufina, for whom I served the liturgy, the communion of the Holy Mysteries. The incident with the loose underwear, embarrassment, quick restoration of calm. Same date. Evening. I thank the Lord, who delivered me from delusion, crampedness and impurity of heart through my prayer of repentance in the evening during Vespers after a conversation with the young officer’s wife Nadezhda Egorovna Alekseeva, and then after Vespers and a visit to my nephew, from whom I saw a picture of a naked young woman and was extremely stung by the sting of prodigal and then repented for a long time, walking along the road, again received the greatest deliverance from dishonest passion, cleansing, peace and freedom. Ask Olga Miron about the color of the cassock material. Send money to Alexandra I., Evdokia […] I thank the Lord, who mercifully delivered me from the harmful consequences of anger at a beggar woman who persistently asked me for money for some document and was driven away by me. And then supplied, out of repentance, with thirty kopecks. Before that, I read a prayer to myself and wanted to be alone. I thank the Lord, who has not yet rejected my repentance and has not destroyed me with my iniquities. During the all-night vigil on the occasion of the discovery of the relics of St. Tikhon of Zadonsk, the Lord vouchsafed me with tearful tenderness at the thought that the saints were people subservient to us, and with their zeal and labors in pleasing God, especially by the grace of God, they achieved shrines and incorruptibility and eternal life with unceasing glory, and we, lazy and careless, devoted to the world and carnal lusts, unceasingly we sin and remain in corruption, we work for corruption and reap corruption, when we could conveniently, with God’s help and with our own diligence, achieve incorruption. Tribute to the Transfiguration and memory of St. Tikhon of Zadonsk. Morning. I thank the Lord, who heard me quickly when I cried out to Him in cramped and sinful sorrow from displeasure and grief at home as a result of the breath of the devil in me, and who mercifully delivered me from the death of sin, and who gave me a calm, peaceful mood of spirit with righteousness. Regarding the assembly prayer service in the gymnasium, an evil demon disturbed me, instilling a languid fear. And the Lord delivered me from this. In a short time, twice in five minutes, the Lord took death away from my insides and gave life. How many blessings of God! There truly are no number of them. On the way, a beggar adult ran up to me when I was praying for the granting of meekness and love, and I was angry with him for running up at the wrong time, and drove him away with anger, and then I softened with my very prayer and, calling him, gave him what he demanded (ten kopecks). He repented of his anger, and the Lord forgave. Oh, forgive me to the end, Lord, forgive me to my last breath, merciful and long-suffering Master, granting me sincere repentance, with tears, and correction of my life. Nine and a half hours. Morning. August 13. I thank the Lord, who again delivered me from grave confusion and the struggle of the enemy in the church before giving prayer on the fortieth day to the mother in labor and after prayer. Again I was delivered from the death of sin by the grace of God and received life and peace. And the confusion was because he was upset with the beggar, reproaching him for laziness and negligence. Studying the sciences of general education, do we mainly have Christian science, the science of knowledge of God and, as its applied part, the science of holiness? After all, He who is the eternal source of wisdom and holiness urgently and compellingly speaks to us all: Be holy, for holy am I the Lord your God [Lev.19:2]. The Apostle says: Strive to have peace with everyone and holiness, without which no one will see the Lord [Heb.12:14]. And in the exemplary prayer that the Lord gave us, we first of all express an ardent desire and prayer to live holy: Hallowed be thy name... [Matthew 6:9; Luke 11:2]. It is not without reason that I began to speak to you, friends, brothers, children of God, about the urgent, urgent need to strive for holiness first of all, so that all sciences would be steps towards holiness. You know the state of minds and morals of people of the present time. This is a state of fermentation, decay, relaxation, corruption. Most of all, we need to learn the science of protecting the heart from the slightest attack of sin... We are co-workers with God, and you are God's field, God's building... [1 Cor. 3:9] (further write out and develop). All sciences, like radii from the center, come from the intelligent Sun of God. When this intelligent Sun, the Sun of Truth, shines in our hearts, then its rays have a life-giving effect on all our forces, throughout life, and when not, then there is no benefit from the rays or they will only shine for a while, but will not revive. Protect all your senses from sin: eyes, hearing, touch, taste and smell. If your eye is pure, then your whole body will be bright; if your eye be evil, then your whole body will be dark [Matthew 6:22–23]. The tares will certainly be burned with unquenchable fire [Matthew 3:12; Luke 3:17 ]; a tree that does not produce fruit will be cut off and thrown into the fire [Matthew 3:10;7:19; Luke 3:9], the unbreakable slave will be bound and thrown into outer darkness [Matthew 25:30]. What turns out to be true? They know a lot of this and that, but they do not know God, the beginning of all beginnings, they have not learned to preserve His holiness in their hearts and deeds, they do not love the Church, they are not heartily attached to her, as to a tender, worthy mother, they do not know how to pray to God. There is a lot of knowledge, but we haven’t learned to respect our parents. Quite often you see that those who have tasted the wisdom of books [...] become proud and freethinkers, disobedient to their parents, and without honoring their parents, will they sincerely honor their superiors and those in power? I thank the Lord, who performed a miracle of mercy and revitalization of my repentance before Vespers (after the action of wine) and especially when I confessed to many, was recalled to give communion to the sick, and, returning in extreme distress and shame from the failure to pronounce common prayers and others when giving communion to the sick, I repented and prayed to God for forgiveness and deliverance from the adversaries who oppressed me; The prayer of faith performed a miracle: I received life, peace, boldness, the power of the word, and I confessed and said the prayer of permission well. I thank the Lord, who gave me, a sinner, tears of tenderness, softening, spirituality, consolation and cleansing during my prayer walk along the Merchant Wall by the seaside and who destroyed the cramped conditions and sorrow in me. They know what a church is, its location, its holiness, importance, necessity, and yet in the church there are no experts to be seen; they know the service, but the service does not have them. They know the most important dogma of Christianity - the Trinity of Persons of the Divine and the Divine Face of Christ, but they do not know how to call on the Lord in need, sorrow, illness, passion, misfortune and misfortune. They know the purest divine heart of the Mother of God, which embraces everyone with love, but they do not have the skill to address Her in a prayer of thanksgiving in a word, they are not used to it. Whose formidable, powerful voice is it that thunders in the hearing of all ages: I will destroy the wisdom of the wise, and I will reject the understanding of the prudent [1 Cor. 1:19; cf. Isaiah 29:14 ]? The voice of eternal Wisdom, the eternal Hypostatic Word of God, the Lord Jesus Christ. Where is the sage? where is the scribe? where is the questioner of this century? [ 1 Corinthians 1:20 ]. If he asks: “Where?” - this means that there were no [...] in the Kingdom of Christ inveterate wise men and scribes and questioners of this age, who completely rejected the wisdom, books and questions of the future age, incorruptible, eternal, prepared for those who love God and another age. I thank the Lord, my all-merciful Savior, who granted me His salvation during the all-night vigil in the Assumption Church (twice and three times) during the reading of the akathist; then, upon leaving the church for the service, when the boy persistently chased after me, asking for alms, and I touched his shirt with anger, which made me extremely embarrassed, and then I repented and gave him a ten-kopeck piece, asking the Lord to pacify and have mercy on my soul, and He had mercy, giving peace; then, after the memorial service for the deceased old woman, who had been poorly served by me, which is why I was greatly embarrassed and oppressed in my soul, but also before the icons I fervently repented to the Lord, asking His immeasurable goodness to overcome and forgive me my sins and to overcome the devil’s terrible treachery over me in the service, and the Lord again had mercy, driving away my enemies, and I calmed down. Hitherto I am a pitiful instrument of the devil’s machinations during private and public services, hitherto the adversary fulfills in me his hellish, evil, murderous, murderous intentions, and I unwittingly fulfill his absurd will that rapes me. Woe to me, unclean, nasty, selfish, voluptuous, selfish, fearful, cowardly, evil, envious, servile, impatient, lazy, careless. Loving self-interest and earthly glory, earthly sweets, we cannot love God and our neighbor, serve sincerely God and our neighbor, for where work is seen, but no reward for it is foreseen, there a person, although outwardly and not refusing to work for it, is internally denied and serves reluctantly, unzealously, not from the heart (memorial services for the poor, religious services for the poor), and even while serving the rich, he thinks about the rich reward. Meanwhile, the soul of every person, even the poor, is a priceless treasure, more valuable than the whole world, for it is in the image of God and immortal and redeemed by the blood of the Son of God. She is the daughter of God, the bride of God. Seven and a half o'clock in the morning. A terrible evil storm of the devil befell me because of the wrongly conveyed to me by the servant Anna and the petitioner (she said - to receive communion, but it was necessary to pray), and I was in terrible devilish trouble, in terrible excitement, cramped conditions, death. I prayed for a long time. There are the beginnings of deliverance. God bless. I thank the Lord for the gracious, unfailing reading and singing of the canons during the liturgy, and for the service of the early liturgy at eight o’clock in the Assumption Church, and the communion of the Holy Mysteries, for the speech given at the act at eleven and a half o’clock in the gymnasium, for deliverance at the present moment (the first hour) from the cramped conditions and sorrow that befell me for the reluctant service of the prayer service at Machigin Gregory [...]., improvised (accidentally). I had to be ready to joyfully serve and unexpected prayer services and, in general, to always be happy to glorify the Lord and the Mother of God and the saints, for in this service my salvation, my purification and sanctification, my peace, my work or my duty are the most life-giving. And after death she is alive, saving forever, O Mother of God, Your inheritance 50. The Lady has shown countless times her salvation to faithful Christians since her repose until now, and shows that she is alive even after death. And all the saints are alive after their repose and have shown billions of miracles to Christians who called them for help, and sometimes they did not call for help, and the Holy Church every day in its stichera and canons and prayers addresses them as living and very close to us in spirit, present with us, a visible sign of which is their faces on the holy icons. So, Christian, what is the desired end of our faith - eternal life. Having such promises, let us cleanse ourselves from all filthiness of the flesh and spirit, perfecting holiness in the fear of God [2 Cor. 7:1]. I thank the Lord, who granted me, after repeated secret zealous invocations of His sweetest name, to get rid of the cunning and violence of the spiritual serpent, who did not allow me to utter the words of prayers, praises and blessings during the marriage in the Assumption Church. The Lord [gave] me victory and conquest, peace and boldness. God bless! And at the beginning of the ritual, I could not pronounce many words and praises (exclamations). On the feast of the Dormition of the Mother of God in the morning before mass (late [...]) I was overcome by hellish, terrible cramped conditions and sorrow, the reason for which was my grief at one tenant in Klimov’s house, who called me to a prayer service, while the servant told me that they were calling for communion. For a long time I was in devilish agony, struggle, in repentance, murderous crampedness, finally in the Assumption Church, after touching the Holy Altar many times, the Lord had mercy and pacified me. Glory to the Lord, who did not allow the adversary to consume me. I thank the Lord, who gave grace-filled tears of tenderness during the reading of the canon to the Archangels and Angels and the holy Forerunner (in the evening). My life is filled with reproaches 51, says the holy king-prophet David [Ps. 37:8]; reproaches - that is, from the devil, swearing at humanity and the Lord Himself through prodigal uncleanness, into which the king-prophet himself inadvertently fell. Thus, fornicators and harlots swear at themselves or allow the enemy of the human race to swear and mock at human nature, created purely, innocently, wisely, holy, expediently, magnificently by the hands of God. The enemy renews this desecration almost incessantly every time a man looks at a woman, and as one has to look at every time a meeting of one sex with another, every time this scoffer of God and God’s works renews his curse and ridicule of man and woman, of the existential members, of the child-creating, holy organs through which we enter and depart into being and life and before which we must revere. I thank the Lord for the help shown to me during the service of the all-night vigil for the gentlemen Grechukhins in the former apartment of the late servant of God Maria Arsenyevna; during the service of a prayer service in the apartment of Sergei Ivanovich Lebedev in the Murashov house and on the mountain in Kudryavtsev’s house No. 19 with Anastasia Osipovna and Alexei Makarovich. I thank the Lord for the grace of peaceful and free, sincere reading and singing of the canons of the Dormition of the Mother of God and the martyrs Florus and Lavra. Matrona Kozminichna, tormented by an evil spirit, asked me, unworthy, to pray for her, and when I began to pray after Matins, especially when I began to read the prayer The Lord forbids you, devil... - the evil spirit began to beat her hard, and when another time I began to read the same prayers, I began to torment her even more, and she began to rush about violently, finally the evil spirit cried out: “I will scold you, I will scold you, you tormented me." In the evening at six o'clock I was subjected to a terribly serious temptation from evil spirits: my family asked me to serve a prayer service at home before the start of the teaching of my nieces Rufina and Elizabeth, and as I had already given my word to be at the conversation in the house of Andrei the birthday boy, my heart began to extremely resist the desire of my family, and a terrible struggle took place in me with the spirits of rebellion, which were extremely oppressive and burning my insides. I turned to fervent prayer - and by the grace of God I overcame my enemies, and somewhat gained control of myself, and served a prayer service - not without embarrassment in some parts and not without omissions and entire exclamations and expressions. Evil demons took revenge on me for the morning when I, through prayer, cast out demons from the servant of God Matrona, a St. Petersburg woman. And for my gluttony, I was allowed to suffer from them myself and be subjected to violence, embarrassment, fear, abuse, and humiliation. At a prayer service in the former apartment of the late Maria Arsenyevna, the enemy deposed me, fiercely scolding me through nasty, crafty and blasphemous thoughts and hurting and killing my accursed soul. I left the prayer service (for the children Rufina and Elizabeth, their mother Anna and my wife Elizabeth) upset; In anger, he did not give a penny to the poor children and adults who asked for alms. At home, with tears of repentance, he prayed to the Lord for deliverance from enemies and covering of sins for the sake of superior goodness - and the Lord bowed to mercy. The trouble of violence against me by ethereal enemies comes from my constant gluttony and lust: for 52 I feel that through sweets fleshly enemies rape me, defeat me, kill me, enslave me; in addition, from love of money, ambition, vanity, envy, pride, impatience, for due to these passions there is no true love of God and love of souls in me. In the morning I should not eat at all; eating in the morning is madness, absurdity, except in minor cases of weakness or early labor. I thank the Lord, who gave me the grace of serving a prayer service with Andrei Kozlov and Ksenia [...] sincerely, without stumbling. It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me, says the Apostle [Gal.2:20]. The sign of the cross, which we depict on our forehead, heart and shoulders, means that we completely surrender our mind, heart and will to the Lord - we sacrifice our entire being to Him. I thank the Lord for repeatedly delivering me from confusion and cramped passions. Saturday. I thank the Lord, who made me worthy to perform the early liturgy without stumbling, with tearful tenderness (and at the beginning there was coldness and powerlessness, impurity in the heart) and to partake of the life-giving Holy Mysteries. During my release, ethereal villains dishonored, shamed, weakened, confused, oppressed and killed my soul; I hurried, my heart was divided, my heart weakened from demonic confusion, and I did not pronounce the names of the saints as I should. At the funeral service he did not say goodbye; at the litany for the baby Paul [...] he was offended again; before consuming the Holy Gifts he was in agony, but was delivered through the prayer of faith and repentance; revived again miraculously by the Holy Gifts. He left the church refreshed. On the road we met three beggarly young men from St. Petersburg who were asking to board the ship; I was angry with them, cursed at the old man, that they were coming from the capital here, where without them there are a lot of beggars, and they were going without money, hoping not to know who, I suspected them and reproached them for theft and arson (presumably), gave them twenty kopecks each and drove them away. From this I myself died again in my soul; grief, melancholy, cramped conditions, misfortune took possession of me; I didn’t know where to go; went home with the merchant (fruit) Mikhail Vasilyevich; I was in captivity and slavery and cramped conditions during the conversation; then he went away, fervently prayed to the merciful Lord, and He had mercy on me, giving me life, peace and silence. Glory to the Lord! Glory to His mercy, good obedience, quick obedience, kindness and goodness, and His Kingdom, which is within us [Luke 17:21]. Glory to the Heavenly King, who created marriages for His Son and again 53 betrothed me, an outcast, to Himself in faith and repentance, in mercy and bounty and strength. After Vespers on Sunday. The all-evil and all-evil demon fights me against sin and destruction in a thousand ways: now with voluptuousness, now with malice; he looked at a beautiful young pious woman he knew, who often visited the church, and was tempted, wounded and died in soul; then again I saw an old woman, very ugly, with a wide nose and wide nostrils, wrinkled, blind, - and I became embittered at her through the work of the devil, and Satan thrust thousands of stings into me, even howling - and this was during the baptism of baby Alexander in the church after Vespers; there is trouble on all sides: both beauty tempts and unseemly tempts. Oh, pride, wickedness, devilish malice! Should I blaspheme God's creation? Should I turn away and despise a person of equal honor to me, created in the image of God? Is it my joint? Is it a member of Christ? Isn’t the soul the same in both a beautiful and an ugly, unattractive body? Isn’t there often a beautiful soul in an ugly body? Oh, seduction! Oh, the delicacy of all the senses and the perversion of sight, hearing, and taste! Perversion of thoughts, feelings, spiritual taste! Oh, falling away from the spirit of Christ, from the love of Christ and falling into devilish pride, hostility, gluttony, covetousness! I thank the Lord, who did not completely let me go after the devil for my sins, but after repeatedly falling down before the holy throne (during baptism) in repentance, he had mercy on me and delivered me from the teeth of the murderous serpent. Remember, Lord, the merciful Zechariah, his wife Olga and their child Mary the baby 54 and save them from all evil and misfortunes and all those who commanded me to pray for them. Wake up! Have the fornicators and harlots had their fill of fornication? - No, they were not satisfied, but burned more and more with this hellish fire, smoldering both souls and bodies, and many perished forever, that is, unrepentant, and those who repented with many tears, like countless streams, atone for their sins and no longer returned to their former sins, which they hated with all their hearts. What confusion, what shame do adulterous thoughts or feelings cause to the soul! How pitifully they separate the soul from God! How they are not allowed to pray sincerely and calmly! What powerlessness the soul, a captive of the devil, is plunged into when fighting passion! And God’s love is so peaceful, pure, sweet, nourishing, life-giving for the soul! How bold, constant, eternal! I thank the Lord, who showed me His mercy during the service of the Sunday all-night vigil in the cathedral, especially before and during the reading of the Gospel, after the dismissal of great and small (at the first hour) and during the prayer service. Before reading the Gospel, one vision confused me, from which I got rid of it with difficulty through heartfelt prayer. Who is the faithful, eternal, righteous, sweetest friend of our souls? – Lord Jesus Christ. Let us love Him with all our hearts, let us cleave to Him with our whole being, and we will reject and hate all other worldly and carnal love and friendship, as destructive and momentary, false. Amen. Sunday. We are cunning and zealous, each against ourselves every day and hour - I mean cunning and zealousness, the swiftness of our passions, which we follow, by which we are deceived every day. And all the trouble comes from the fact that we want to enjoy, to be blissful here, and not in heaven - roughly, carnally, momentarily, and not spiritually and eternally. Away from us are carnal pleasures that kill the soul and its spiritual, immortal, divine aspirations! Away with these devil's snares! Oh, may all virtue reign in my soul, sincere love for God and neighbors, sincere goodwill to everyone, rejoicing, condolences, sincere prayer for every person living and dead, meekness, kindness, humility, abstinence, non-covetousness, chastity, obedience, patience, resignation, modesty, zeal for everyone, mercy, trust in God and to all His promises, the living hope of the resurrection of the dead, the general Judgment, eternal life, the darkness of eternal torment, announced with such power in so many speeches of the Lord, the holy apostles and holy fathers! Put the passion-bearer Saint Panteleimon in a good frame and the holy righteous Artemy Verkolsky. How long will we turn to corruption, how long will we be passionate about corruption? How long shall we not love incorruptibility, immortality, truth, holiness, purity, self-control, faith, hope, love, mercy, incorruptible beauty, incorruptible food, sweetness, incorruptible wealth, which does not fail forever, incorruptible treasures, incorruptible, everlasting head? Nine and a half o'clock in the morning. Sunday. I thank the Lord with all my being for deliverance from the fierce voluptuous sting of the devil, from his deadly network during a prayer service in Gavrilova’s house in Malaya Ekaterininskaya Street near the theater (behind it). I tearfully prayed to the Lord, entangled in the enemy’s nets and pierced by his sting, and the Lord interceded for me with His mercy and grace. Otherwise, the enemies did not allow me to speak, I could not read the Gospels. Ask, and it will be given to you... [Matthew 7:7]. After this, I was particularly overwhelmed by grief, and I broke the bonds of the enemy with grace. God! Surprised by Your unspeakable mercies on this day, in the triumph of soul and body I sing and magnify You, the all-merciful God, for Your more natural benefits to me, a sinner: firstly, for deliverance from the snares of the enemy in the apartment of officer Chakhlin in Malaya Ekaterininskaya Street - this was the beginning of my greatest salvation; secondly, during the liturgy, when the Lord again revived me, deadened by sins, and gave me pouring tears of tenderness from the consciousness of my sins and infirmities. I thank the Lord for the non-judgmental communion of the Holy Mysteries and the wonderful revival from them after the gracious victory over the enemies who aroused in me condemnation and hostility towards the rector, Father Paul. I stumbled at the pulpit and didn’t read the whole prayer, I said my sermon with feeling, I said the whole dismissal. God bless! When consuming the Holy Gifts, there is a new greatest salvation. But the Lord especially revealed His all-conquering grace in me at a prayer service with officer Mikhail Danilovich in Sizov’s house: perhaps for the first time he served as sincerely, anointed, victorious, peacefully, solemnly as ever. And what a world! What sweetness! Thank you for your help during Vespers with strong temptations from enemies and for the victory over them, for your boldness during the betrothal prayer with the Sorokins, with Nikitin (prayer service). During Vespers, the dismissal cried out in full, daring against the enemies in the name of the Lord. I thank the almighty Helper. Oh, if only I could always proclaim everything without inhibition! Grant, Lord! Establish, Lord! I thank the Lord, who allowed me to experience my weakness and be subjected to confusion and dumbness from cowardice and impatience, and then who gave me help at the end of the morning service, when I was strengthened by the loud glorification of the Dormition of the Mother of God, and who gave me the grace to unfalteringly pronounce the small, intense and supplicative litany. Science: do not drink a lot of grape wine, it drowns and kills the strength of the soul, the mercy of grace; You should drink wine extremely moderately. After mass. With all my heart I thank the Lord, who repeatedly delivered me from spiritual death during mass, firstly, at the beginning; secondly, after the Gospel; from that moment an animated, fervent prayer with tears begins and continues until communion and after that until the prayer behind the pulpit, before which I was embarrassed by the protruding end of the knitting of the vest's sleeve in the braces, but then I overcame the enemies who embarrassed me; he stole the release, after which he again became extremely embarrassed and fell into trouble, but the Lord delivered him through prayer. And after mass, when I was going to the gymnasium, the Lord, through a prayer of repentance, delivered me from great sorrow and cramped conditions. At home at three and a half o'clock the Lord delivered me from the beginning of voluptuousness from affection: I prayed in the hall on my knees to the Lord (the image of Saint Ubrus). Eleven o'clock in the evening. I thank the Lord for twice delivering me from the claws of voluptuousness with which the charmer clung to me: once upon arriving home from the apartment of Olga Afanasyevna, a widow (Karpova), who has a young niece, Theoktista, a widow, and the other - at home during a walk between the gardens at the gate; in both cases, I sincerely condemned myself, asking for forgiveness, and received it, and how sweet, peaceful, spacious, free my soul became after confusion, sorrow, oppression, hellish fire, shame, reproach, despondency and relaxation! Glory to the Lord! Grant me to hold on to You always, unchangeably, with all my heart! I thank you for your help during Vespers (with Kamenogradsky), for the prayer service in the church and at Nikonov’s. I thank the Lord for the quick, gracious help during Matins, when the spirits of wickedness fought and plagued me, and during the Liturgy at the beginning, throughout and at the end. How mortally worldly addictions violate the integrity of the soul and do not allow one to perform the Divine Liturgy calmly, freely, with a feeling of tenderness and in general public or home services or the Mystery of Baptism, as happened today because of a towel (at a christening in the officer’s Zaboev’s house)! And what a contradiction they place my soul in with the sacred, so sublime, spiritual meaning of the Sacrament. The sacrament inspires me that Christ God has given me incorruptible, immortal life, incorruptible, eternal, heavenly blessings and that I should not in the least cleave to the here corruptible blessings, despise them, consider them to be smoke, rubbish, dust, pus, and meanwhile the passions operating in me, for example, covetousness, chain my whole heart, my whole being to the earth, distract me from the heavenly, They deprive my soul of peace, freedom, light, strength and energy, kill it, darken it, plunge it into shame. And rightly so! Don't contradict yourself! If you are a Christian and a priest, be one, be heavenly and not earthly, love incorruptibility and hate every kind of corruption - be it beauty, money, or earthly glory, love truth and leave lawlessness, love passionately one God and all people in God, love the spiritual, the eternal, and not the visible, material, temporary. The offering and the burnt offering [Ps.50:21]. These are the Holy Mysteries, typified by the burnt offering in the Old Testament, for they completely consume with invisible fire the sins of believers and those who partake in faith. I had to endure a difficult and humiliating struggle before the end of the christening while reading the water-blessing prayer and further until the end, from the moment I wiped my hands with a long new towel and imagined that it would be mine, having self-servingly in my heart. For this selfishness and opinion I was cruelly shamed. Well, I don’t have enough towels and what else do I need them for? Oh, greed! O creeping thing in decay! Oh, earthly, not heavenly heart! Morning. I thank the Lord, who revealed in me during Matins the wondrous powers of His goodness and mercy, when my enemies were killing my soul, confusing, wounding and wounding it with thoughts (about glorious money and unrighteous hostility towards Bishop Isidore). The Lord accepted my heartfelt repentance and falling with faith and trust before the holy throne and delivered me from my fiercest enemies, giving me peace, boldness and strength. Remember the words of the Lord: if they do this to a green tree, then what will happen to a dry one? [Luke 23:31]. And you are a dry tree. Wednesday. And today’s mass was for me a miracle of God’s mercy in delivering my weakness from many temptations; at the beginning the Lord delivered me from the deadness of my heart, as almost always happens at the beginning of the service, then from hostility towards Metropolitan Isidore (momentary); received communion in a very life-giving, renewing, strengthening way, read the pulpit with feeling in full, said the whole dismissal. After mass, before the consumption of the Holy Gifts, new relief from cramped conditions. Glory to the Lord the Savior! I thank the Lord for salvation during Lesser Vespers with Compline and for the accurately performed dismissals and the last litany at Compline. Most of all, I thank and magnify the Lord for deliverance from cramped conditions and mortal sorrow (due to grief towards the poor) in the apartment of Ekaterina Mikhailovna Lebedeva before the prayer service for Maria Petrovna Dementieva and for the good service performed with the greatest peace and freedom. You surround me every day many times over, my Lord, my Lord, with the joys of deliverance. Glory to You! Six o'clock in the evening, before the all-night vigil. Now the most merciful Lord has delivered me from the hellish fire of worldly addiction - the desire for the Order of St. Anne of the second degree, this vain glory of this world. Damned, I left my true and eternal glory and glory - Christ the Lord, my true life, my peace, my freedom, my strength, my light, my true treasure, inexhaustible and indestructible, incorruptible, my glorious robe - and clung to various soulless idols, who cannot give life to my heart for one moment, for they themselves do not have it, languishing and tormenting me only, to decay, to smoke, to soap bubbles, although colorful, but only for a moment and then disappearing. I thank the Lord, who accepted my repentance and graciously had mercy on me, who delivered me from the burning coals of Satan and gave me perfect peace. There is no more grateful and life-giving work on earth than prayer, offered to God from a sincere, humble heart. It brings us peace, consolation, joy, joy, intelligent light, vigor, courage, strength and strength, health of soul and body, deliverance from temptations, troubles and sorrows, success in all virtue, sanctification and eternal salvation with eternal glory. Why are there so few people who sincerely pray? – From unlearning and unaccustomment to prayer in childhood, from habit and addiction to the vanity of everyday life, from absent-mindedness, from underdevelopment of spiritual taste and spiritual needs, from the temptation of the prince of darkness of this age, which brings boredom and heaviness to those who begin to pray and arouses worldly and worldly, carnal ideas and passions in the mind and heart. Today's liturgy was filled with miracles of God's mercy towards me from beginning to end. How many times has the Lord revived me, who was killed many times by the machinations of the enemy! You saved me from so many temptations! What tears of tenderness he gave! How he renewed me during the liturgy and especially after communion of the Holy Mysteries! What boldness and dignity he bestowed before people! I read the entire prayer behind the pulpit with sincere feeling, said the dismissal quite well, only missed St. John Chrysostom and St. Alexander Nevsky. After the liturgy, on the way, a meeting with the warden of the naval unit, a feeling of hostility towards him, grief and cramped conditions; repentance, pardon, peace, boldness in the gymnasium; walking home, I was cramped from awkwardness in the third grade of the gymnasium. The Lord delivered for repentance and faith in my apartment itself: peace and space. And in the morning before mass there is temptation on the part of sensuality, carnal voluptuousness, cramped conditions, loss of spirit, weakness of heart, repentance, mercy during prayer, blessed peace - for all glory to the Lord and His holy name, which constantly works miracles in me. Four o'clock in the evening. Friday. This day is filled with miracles of God’s wonderful mercy towards me, from morning to evening inclusive. During the matins there was a heavy temptation on the part of the watchmen, and especially on the part of the demons due to the thrashing with the sound of the floor during the service; I could hardly overcome anger and confusion with prayer and grace. During mass, the power of grace repeatedly revived me, deadened by sin; The Lord especially showed me a strong helping hand during and after communion until the end of mass regarding the unreasonable, devilish anger towards sexton Michael for the monotony of communion (The Door of Mercy...). Amazingly absurdly empty reasons for anger. [...] when reading the Gospel to the people. At prayer services in church and in the parish school, my enemies confuse me with the sight of women and their unworthy presentation and feeling - also absurd! When I was going to the gymnasium, I met headman V.D. Nikitin and reminded him of my nomination for the order. This killed me until I heartily repented of this vain glory and this concern for the vain glory of the earth and the insult of the Spirit of God, who abides in me through the communion of the Holy Mysteries and adores me, in falling away from the heavenly spirit, from the spiritual and immortal life that was infused into me through communion. The Lord had mercy on me at the very entrance to the gymnasium: I repented all the way, the Lord pacified me, driving away confusion and death. In the first grade, Elagin became angry with a boy for laughing at the words of the Bible and called him a bastard in anger; this word tormented me extremely, oppressed me; I repented for a long time for insulting a baby or youth, and finally the Lord forgave and pacified me. I thank the Lord for his help in the wedding of two marriages - one after Vespers now and the other at seven and a half o'clock; during the time between the first and second, I had a temptation with the St. Petersburg [temp.] merchant Kozma Faddeevich because of his gifts, for which I was very angry with him and Paraskeva Ivanovna Kovrigina, because I did not order them to be brought because of his poverty, but he brought them; I was embarrassed and fell into trouble, but the prayer of sincere repentance and faith attracted the mercy of God to me (while kissing the Holy Throne), I reconciled and celebrated the wedding very well, without stumbling, victoriously. I thank the Lord for his help during the service of Vespers and for the sweet singing of the fifth voice. I thank the Lord for my help during the service of two memorial services for the deceased drunkard Alexander. Wonderful thing! Wonderful help! And may the invisible enemies' weapons against me be completely lacking, and may I be serene, serving You, the all-good, all-righteous, all-powerful! Amen. August 28, 1882. Morning, six o'clock. Grant me, Lord, the dignity and importance of the Divine priesthood, to preserve unchangeably, firmly, constantly before all people known and unknown, noble and simple, learned and unlearned, rich and poor, beautiful and ugly, and not to look at anyone’s faces, so that the incomparable greatness of God will be glorified everywhere and always. Do not be discouraged, fighting against enemies while serving the Lord; the Lord is preparing for you imperishable crowns and immortal, endless pleasure. Be patient a little and you will rejoice forever. Don't give in to despair. I thank the Lord for the miracle-filled matins and liturgy, especially the liturgy, before which the Lord delivered me from the deadly, fiery net of the devil, with which he flatteringly entangled me at the memorial service for Alexander the drunkard (in [Turkin’s] house) because of my thoughts about money, that they could be pulled out of my pocket, which is why I could not calmly serve the memorial service. For a long time I fell in repentance at the Holy See, and finally the Lord delivered me from the clutches of Belial and granted me to serve the Liturgy with boldness and tenderness, to receive life-giving communion and to give communion to twelve people. I left the church of God wonderfully renewed and deified. Oh, grant me and them always to receive communion like this! After early mass in the Duma Church. I thank the Lord, who gave me a word for teaching and, during the liturgy, revival, tenderness and help to me, deadened by my sins, cold and weak. By the grace of God, I served mass unfailingly, with fervor and reverence. I received life-giving communion and read the entire prayer behind the pulpit. He said the word cordially, and dismissed with silence the names of some saints: Chrysostom, St. Alexander Nevsky, Joseph the Songwriter, with a heart weakened from the breath of Belial because of Evdokia. Nine and a half o'clock in the morning. I thank the Lord, who has now delivered me from hellish fire and mortal distress that befell me for my grief at the poor, for my stinginess and hardness of heart. The Lord accepted my heartfelt, tearful repentance and delivered my soul from the underworld, revived, and pacified, and spread, and gave me a good and easy yoke. Glory to the Lord for this! I thank the Lord for repeated deliverance from evil temptations during and after the liturgy, at the prayer service, for help and deliverance during prayer services and baptisms in the mine guard outside the citadel gates. I thank the Lord for the glorification of the Mother of God and the position of Her honorable belt in the church, for the stichera and canons of penitence and others, for the streams of grace poured into my heart. God! Ward off the hands of my family from the curious search for my treasures and the opening of inappropriate letters. Wake up! I am Your servant. Ten o'clock in the evening. I thank the Lord for the miracle of mercy and salvation that was revealed today in me, a sinner and passionate: when I came home, I saw my couch brought into the hall - and I was indignant at my family, and fell away from love, the bitterness and crampedness of hostility aggravated me, and I sincerely repented to the Lord for my attachment to vanity and for my falling away from Christian love. So what? The Lord immediately had mercy on me, forgave me my sin, and gave me peace, freedom, and ease. Glory to the Lord for this! Remember the life and works of Saint Andrew, Christ for the sake of the fool, and his reproof of the money-loving monk, the sobering of the monk through the distribution of money to the poor; remember Andrew’s rapture to the third heaven and listen to his words and imitate his life according to your strength. On August 1/14, the origin (destruction) of the honorable trees of the Life-giving Cross of the Lord is celebrated. Retreat (church glory) - argue, contradict; quarrel - quarrel, strife, discord. Rambov is the popular name for the city of Oranienbaum, now the city of Lomonosov. Borzoi (Church Slavic) – fast, hasty. Consequence of Holy Baptism, from prayer for the blessing of water. Irmos of the 9th song of the canon for the Dormition of the Blessed Virgin Mary. Translated by P. Yungerov: My insides are filled with shame (Ps. 37:8). Ubo (Church Glav.) – so, therefore. Packs (Church Glav.) – again, again. The family of the Kronstadt tanner Z. I. Sidorov, friends and spiritual children of Father John. Unnatural - supernatural.