36. Совершенное приготовление к таинству покаяния и причащения. Чувства, необходимые кающемуся. Полезное напоминание о блаженной Феодоре и хождении ее по мытарствам

So what use should you make of the knowledge you have gained about yourself? First of all, you need to condemn yourself for all your faults, without any excuses or justifications. When at the presanctified liturgy, after: “Let my prayer be corrected,” they sing: “Do not turn my heart into the words of wickedness, do not forgive the guilt of sins,” then the believers are encouraged to pray so that God will not allow them to come up with excuses for their sins with crafty resourcefulness. Whoever comes up with such excuses, don’t expect repentance from him; and whoever has no repentance will not undertake self-correction. The whole point, therefore, is to judge oneself without pity, to bring oneself to the point where one sincerely says in one’s heart: “It’s all to blame.” When the heart says, “I’m guilty,” then we must add to this the fear of God’s condemnation. If your conscience condemns you, then God will not blame you either. And God sees you as guilty. If he sees it like that, he condemns it. If he condemns, he also awards a decision or determination worthy of punishment. Today or tomorrow this punishment falls on you, and it is already hanging over you when you are condemned by God. How can this be? And I would not have known what to do if not for the mercy of God. The merciful God gives us the hope of forgiveness of guilt if we contritely repent and make a firm intention to avoid previous sins and not anger God with them. This is the essence of repentance. So, do not be a cold judge of your faults, but lament them and sincerely regret that they were allowed to happen. Contrition will give birth to a humble determination to avoid malfunctions, and knowledge alone, although it will be accompanied by the intention to beware, will lead to pride, from which, Lord, deliver you! Having decided to avoid malfunctions, we must now figure out and decide how to manage this, so that from this very moment we can begin to actually correct ourselves. If you got angry, for example, because of something, stop being angry anymore and determine how to better adjust yourself so as not to get angry. The same applies to everything else: now it is necessary to determine in advance what to do in what case, so as not to be faulty again. To make this more convenient, write down your faults as soon as you recognize them, and immediately add how you think you can improve them. This will be your first general and completely correct confession. For God's sake, try to do this. You will see what power you will then gain over yourself and how powerfully you will begin to control yourself, with the consciousness of the suitability of this and not another mode of action. Contrite over sins and setting the intention not to sin, one must add to this a fervent prayer to the Lord, so that He will give His help to resist sin, and believe that the Lord will not withhold such help. Christians should have the conviction deep in their hearts that just as their sins, which they lament and confess with a promise to avoid them, are forgiven by the merciful Lord for the sake of His death on the cross, so at the same time the grace of God is given, by virtue of the same death on the cross, in order to avoid sins. This grace descends upon a strong determination not to sin and unshakable, bright faith in Christ the Savior. When you have completed this, you are ready for confession, and when, through confession, you receive permission for your sins, you will be ready for Holy Communion. In response to your sincere repentance and firm determination to be correct, the Lord will come in His Holy Mysteries and dwell in you, and will be in you, and you will be in Him. O greatness and ineffable mercy of the All-Bountiful God! It occurred to me to tell you something! Get the Chetya Menaion for the month of March and read there the story of Blessed Theodora about how she went through the ordeal. It is placed in the life of Vasily the New under March 26. The life of the elder itself is great. Start directly with Theodora's story, and you can find out where it begins from the notes in the margins. The life of the elder is briefly as follows. Basil the New first lived in the desert near Constantinople, then was taken as a spy and, having endured much torture, was finally thrown into the sea. God miraculously saved him from drowning and he came secretly to the city, where a kind person sheltered him. The elder began to struggle again, as he had done in the desert, and Theodora diligently served him. This old woman died before the old man. Vasily also had a disciple, Gregory, a layman, very God-fearing. He wanted to know what Theodora received for her diligent service to Saint Basil. He asked the elder about this. He prayed and Gregory in a dream saw Theodora in paradise, in the bright, bright place prepared for Vasily. At the same time, Gregory asked her how she was separated from her body and how she reached this blissful place. Blessed Theodora responds to this with a story about how she died and how she went through the ordeal. This is the story I advise you to read with attention. He is very instructive. And he leads to self-knowledge, and even more so, instills conviction in the power of tearful repentance and confession. While you get the book, I’ll tell you something. Saint Theodora went through twenty ordeals. The first is where the sins of idle, violent, nasty, disorderly human words and verbs are tortured: blasphemy, ridicule, worldly shameless songs, disorderly exclamations, laughter and laughter. The second is the ordeal of lies, in which every false word is tortured, and especially perjury, calling the name of God in vain, false witness, failure to fulfill vows given to God, confession of sins that do not truly occur, and other similar deceit. The third is the ordeal of condemnation and slander, disgrace of neighbors, ridicule of their shortcomings and sins. The fourth is the ordeal of gluttony, voluptuousness, satiety, feasting and festivities, drunkenness, breaking fasts. Fifth - laziness, where days and hours spent in idleness are tortured, parasites, mercenaries who do not work according to the price taken, careless in church services on Sundays and holidays, bored at matins and liturgy, careless about matters that concern the salvation of the soul. Sixth – heterogeneous theft. Seventh – love of money and stinginess. Eighth - interest and all kinds of bad profit. The ninth is untruths, where unrighteous judges are tortured, judging for bribes, acquitting the guilty and condemning the innocent, withholding bribes from mercenaries, holding unjust measures and scales when selling and buying. Tenth – envy, hatred, brotherly hatred and hostility. Eleventh – pride, vanity, conceit, contempt, grandeur, disrespect for parents, disobedience to authorities. Twelfth – anger and rage. Thirteenth – vindictiveness, holding anger in the heart against one’s neighbor, vindictiveness and repaying evil for evil. The fourteenth is murder, where not only robbery is tortured, but also any wound, hitting with the heart on the head or shoulders, stabbing in the cheek, suffocating with anger. Fifteenth – sorcery, charm, poisoning, whispering and summoning demons. Sixteenth, seventeenth, eighteenth - carnal sins. Nineteenth - heresies, wrong thinking about faith, apostasy from Orthodoxy, blasphemy against God and all that is holy. The twentieth is unmerciful and hard-hearted and the womb of closure to the needs of the needy. What blessed Theodora encountered, every soul encounters. The apostle called demons the powers of the air. These evil and annoying ones will let any soul through when it is supposed to ascend to the throne of God, without attempting to, if not seize, then confuse it with their insurances. How can this be? To our great consolation, tears of repentance with penitential deeds, especially with almsgiving, blot out all sins. How many times did Blessed Theodora see how the demons, having brought packages where her sins were written down, and unfolding them to expose her, found nothing there. The angels accompanying her, when she asked them about the reason for this, explained to her that whoever sincerely repents of his sins, fasts, prays and does alms, his sins will be blotted out. Do not be so presumptuous, but take this legend to heart and, according to its instructions, deal with all your shortcomings. You might be interested in: