34. Продолжение о говении. Приготовление к исповеди. Проверка жизни

Let's continue our conversation about fasting. Everything that has been said is a frame into which the fast is inserted, or the external order and order that good fast-goers usually adhere to. Make the effort to adhere to it if you want to be a good speaker. Just don’t take on a gloomy look, don’t darken your face. Do everything willingly, with a kind and joyful disposition of spirit. So spend your time as those who will be at the king’s feast spend it. These only have thoughts and speeches about how this feast will be, how to meet the king, what to say, how he will greet, how to dress up better and not lose face in the dirt, and so on. But an incomparably better and higher thing is laid before you - a feast is offered not to the earthly, but to the Heavenly King. If you take the trouble to dress up and prepare in such a way that the Tsar will like you, you will be caressed by Him, you will receive something that has no price, and you will be overjoyed beyond words. You said that you would undertake to fast and fast! Bless, Lord! Feel free to figure out how to dress up. All the old dresses are gone, new ones are in order. If anything old turns out to be good, then wash, iron and present everything as if it were completely new. I want to say that you need to reconsider yourself: thin out and discard the bad, and retain, straighten and improve the good. Let us enter into ourselves and begin to sort out what is in us. Intervention in this matter by any third party is inappropriate and completely impossible. No one can enter into you and sort out the affairs of your conscience except you yourself. And please do it yourself. I will give you just a few instructions in this case. And in those books that you meant to read, there are many guidelines about this. But I will also say something else. In order to take a good look at ourselves, we need to pay attention to three aspects of our active life: to deeds - individual actions performed at such and such a time, in such and such a place and under such and such circumstances; on heart dispositions and characteristic inclinations hidden under deeds; and on the general spirit of life. Our whole life consists of a continuous series of actions: thoughts, words, deeds, one replacing another and driving one another. There is no way to review all such acts - especially each one - and determine their moral value. Even if you decided to go through and re-judge your deeds committed on the same day, you will not be able to do this. Man is a constantly moving creature. How many times he changes his mind and changes from morning to evening! How much he will do from confession to confession! How can we be here? There is no need to go through everything and rethink everything. We have a vigilant guard - conscience. She will never let anything go wrong; and no matter how you explain to her that this is nothing, but this will do, she will not stop repeating everything: what is bad is bad. And here’s the first thing for you: listen to your conscience and recognize all those deeds that it denounces as sinners without any apology and get ready to confess them. This could be called the first and last thing: that is, to admit that you are unrequitedly guilty of what your conscience denounces, putting forward to avoid it - and it would be enough if you could be sure that your conscience itself is in good order in everything. And then it happens that she will not notice some things due to some confusion, she will forget others because they have been so long ago, and perhaps she will not consider others to be a sin due to ignorance or incomplete knowledge of things that are obligatory for us. This is where, to the aid of conscience, we need to turn to the commandments of God, depicted in the word of God, and, reviewing them, inquire whether we have done anything against this or that commandment. At the same time, much will be remembered that was forgotten, and much that is remembered will be presented in a different form than how we thought about it. The Word of God is like a mirror. Just as, looking in the mirror, everyone sees where there is a stain or a speck of powder on the face or on the dress, so the soul, reading the word of God and looking at the numbered commandments there, cannot help but see whether it is correct in those commandments or faulty: the conscience, enlightened by this word of the living God, will immediately tell it to it unfeignedly. And here's the second thing for you. Go through the commandments and see whether you have fulfilled them or not. For example: the commandment commands to give alms whenever someone asks for it. And see if you always did this or not always: sometimes they refused not for any good reason, but simply despised the beggar. If this turns out to be the case, then notice: sin. The commandment says: forgive everyone everything, even the unpleasant and offensive. And see if you were always compliant, if there were any arguments, big conversations or even quarrels. If you remember what happened, notice also: it’s a sin, even though conscience usually doesn’t care about such things. Also: we must place all our trust in God. Has it always been like this for you? In the ordinary course of affairs you will not notice this, but when a need is encountered, it immediately comes out, it is immediately obvious what the soul rests on, whether on God or on something else, forgetting about God. It is certain that one must use one’s own methods in order to extricate oneself from difficult circumstances, for they too are from God, but final success is expected only from God, why turn to Him with a prayer for help and, when the matter is settled, thank Him as the only Savior, without remembering one’s own methods. So see if you acted like this. If not, notice one more thing: sin. Do this with every commandment and notice in what ways you have violated what commandment. This way you will go through your affairs in more detail. But what is the most convenient way to do this? Have you studied the catechism? There, each commandment is interpreted and it is shown which good deeds are imposed on us by which commandment and which sins are prohibited. Take it and use it to review your affairs. I remember that in your house you have a book on how to confess and confess, by the Right Reverend Plato of Kostroma. It lists in great detail the questions that should be asked to those confessing. With her, perhaps, it will be even more convenient for you to reconsider yourself. I believe that for the first time you want to take care of yourself properly and determine what you are and what is in you. Take the trouble to take a good look at yourself according to this instruction. Afterwards, other times, this matter will no longer be so difficult for you. Now work hard. What else remains for you to do after this, I will write down next time. You might be interested in: