Слово 75

(1) About repentance and tenderness. – (2) How can one reach the point of tenderness? – (3) About tears. – (4) Without them it is impossible to achieve purity and dispassion. 1. Once, when I was reading (to those gathered with me) the divinely wise writings of our venerable father Simeon the Studite, there, among his other wise instructions, the following was found written: brother, never partake of the Most Pure Mysteries without tears. (He himself observed this all his life, and that’s why he taught us the same.) Having heard this, the listeners (and there were not only laymen here, but also monks renowned for their virtues) were surprised at the word and, looking at each other, seemed to smile and all said in one voice: so, it turns out, we should never receive communion, but should always abstain from communion. I remembered this word, and I, being alone one day, remembered those who said so, grieved a lot and cried bitterly, with great pain in my heart saying to myself: do those who said such words really think so and with all their hearts believe that it is impossible to cry when starting communion? Or do they think that crying is generally an insignificant matter, and therefore they treated the word of our father with contempt? For whoever does not consider weeping day and night before the face of Christ the Lord as an important matter, he, of course, when he begins to partake of the Divine Mysteries, not only will not cry, but will not shed a tear or shed a drop of tear. And it is impossible for this to happen; Perhaps, sometimes, this will happen to someone, either due to a special dispensation of God, inexplicable, or for some other random reason, external, due to a memory, for example, of something deplorable. Those who think that it is impossible to partake of the Most Pure Mysteries with tears - woe to their insensitivity and hard-heartedness! Woe to the carelessness and blindness of those who say this! If they had tested and reasoned with themselves, they would not have been condemned by their own words; if they had cared to repent, they would never have said that it was impossible; if they had brought fruit (of repentance) by deed, they would not have remained unparticipated in this good, this great gift of God; if they had acquired the fear of God in their hearts, they would have confessed that it is possible to cry and weep not only during communion, but at any other time. Why, wanting to convince your love of the possibility of this in the present word, I turn to those who said such words, as if they were here, and ask them: my good brothers, who say this, tell me, why do you say that this is impossible? - Yes, because they say that some people easily come to emotion and cry, while others are so strong in heart that they do not cry or scream, even when they are beaten. So how can these strong-hearted ones approach Holy Communion with tears and weeping? But can the priests themselves, who celebrate the liturgy every day, always cry? - To this I answer them: you say that some are strong-hearted and do not quickly come to contrition, but tell me, I ask you, for what reason are they like that? If you do not know this, then do not be ashamed to give ear to my words and learn it from me, for it is written: If it is revealed to another, let him who sits be silent (1 Cor. 14:30). 2. So, why does it happen that some people do not quickly and easily come to contrition, while others quickly and easily? Listen! The one who comes to contrition, not easily and quickly, is like this because of his evil will, from his evil thoughts and bad deeds, but the one who quickly and easily comes to contrition is like this because of his good will, from good thoughts and good deeds. If you want to make sure of this, think and judge everything as it happens, and you will find that many people who were good, from these three things - will, thoughts and deeds, became bad; and, on the contrary, many who were bad became good through them. Why did Lucifer fall? Didn’t he fall from evil will and thoughts? Why, tell me, did Cain become a fratricide? Is it not because, out of his evil will, he preferred himself to the Creator, his God? Was it not following evil thoughts that he became jealous of his brother and killed him? Saul, driven by what, sought to seize and kill David, whom he had previously loved as himself and greatly respected as his benefactor? Was this due to natural necessity or from evil will? It is obvious that from evil will, for by nature no one is ever evil. God is not the Creator of evil creatures, but of good ones, for he is good by nature and truth. Also, what was the motive of the thieves crucified with Christ, that one of them said: if you are Christ, save yourself and ours, and the other, contrary to him, said: do you not fear God? Why, tell me, did one robber speak evil, and the other good and pious speeches, and one was saved, and the other went to hell? Were they not both moved to this, one by evil will and evil thoughts, and the other by good will and good thoughts? It depended on the thoughts that one did not believe, but the other believed and said: remember me, Lord, in your kingdom (Luke 23:39-42). But I will leave other examples, because there are a lot of them - from what I will tell you now, you can see most clearly that everyone, according to the autocracy of his will, is either contrite and humble, or hardened and proud. It often happens that two people of the same skill, the same faith, the same character, that is, evil, unmerciful, hard-hearted, inhuman, carnal, money-loving, who have done many evil deeds - both, having renounced the world, enter a monastery and become monks. But one of them decisively lags behind everything bad and succeeds in every virtue with ardent faith and zeal, while the other becomes even worse than he was before. For what reason could they not both appear equally competent in virtue, as before they were identical in morality? Didn’t this happen because one person willingly endured everything unfortunate he encountered for God’s sake with good will? Is it because, as soon as he entered the monastery, he began to listen to the good of the Divine Scriptures and on his own, from his own will, always preferred to do what was good - to imitate the most virtuous and compete with them in fasting, in prayers and supplications, in silence, in contrition, in tears, in abstaining from sweet foods, in abstaining from vain and useless conversations, from anger, irritation and warfare, in willingly enduring reproaches, sorrows and deprivations, in choosing low and last occupations and deeds for oneself, in non-confrontation and resignation when the abbot gives what kind of obedience, and in fulfilling it with all the will, in always occupying the last place and in considering oneself the worst of all? Or, in short, is it not because from the very beginning he decided to relentlessly fulfill everything that the Divine Scriptures teach, in order to obtain mercy and forgiveness for those who had previously committed evil and to gain boldness before God? And the other did everything opposite to that, out of his evil disposition, remaining wicked, as he was before monasticism, not to say, worse than he was before? Likewise, every person is humble and easily crushing, or hard-hearted and insensitive, not by nature, but by his good or evil will. For, tell me, how can someone who whirls here and there almost every day, and has no concern for prayer, or reading, or silence and solitude, but sometimes during the service conducts a conversation with those who stand next to him, and through this deprives the good fruit of being at church following not only himself, but also those with whom he speaks, can be touched by his soul or let out a drop of tears from his eyes, another time he laughs and reconsiders the pious and virtuous brethren, and even the abbot himself? How can someone come to grief who curiously inquires about all the affairs of the monastery, as well as about the affairs and life of each of the brethren, and at meetings says to one: yesterday I heard this and that, asks another: heard what happened to that poor brother, or: do you know what the trouble is with such and such? When will such a person find free time to remember his own sins, to grieve over them and cry for himself? Again, the one who leaves the church during the reading sits down near it or away from it and begins to talk with others, and then he says something, then others, and they make useless speeches, saying one thing: did you hear what the abbot did to such and such a brother? another: and if I tell you what the abbot did to such and such a poor person, then what will you say then? - So, having such and even worse conversations, and doing such trifles, will he have time to come to his senses, think about his sins and cry about them? Whoever does not heed the divine words, does not put the seal of silence on his lips, does not close his ears from hearing vain and useless speeches, does not remember the terrible day of judgment and the terrible judgment seat of Christ, at which everyone has to appear before Him naked in order to give an account of everything that they have done throughout their lives, how can one acquire tears and contrition in order to bitterly mourn oneself, even if he lived in monasticism for more than a hundred years? How is it possible that someone who seeks primacy and strives to stand ahead of everyone in church and sit above everyone else at the table, and because of this always fights and grieves, could ever grieve and cry before God for his soul? Likewise, the one who, inventing excuses for his sins, assures that he is weak and infirm, while he is healthy and strong and young, and, comparing himself in church with those who have worked hard and spent many years in asceticism, says: why am I lower than such and such, that he leans (on a staff), or crouches on the stasidia (a place for monks to sit in Greek monasteries. - Ed. ), or goes to the choir and stands alongside the choir members, not being worthy to take even the last place - how can such a person recognize the weakness of his soul in order to groan about it from the depths of his heart, come to tenderness and shed tears from his eyes? Vanity betrays such a person to negligence and no longer allows him to remain patient in any task; He stands carelessly and lazily at church services and often starts empty conversations with those who stand next to him and find pleasure in listening to him. Thus, insensitively, without sadness and contrition of heart, he comes to church, stands idle through the entire service with the spiritual and reverent fathers, and leaves it without any benefit, without feeling in his soul the slightest change for the better, that change that is given by God for the sake of contrition to those who labor worthily. He thinks that this alone is enough for him, not to miss certain services, that is, Matins, Vespers and the Hours, and that in this way he can succeed in every virtue and reach the level of perfect spiritual growth in Christ. I have known quite a few people who have such self-delusion. They take every possible care not to fall into any visible, carnal sin, but have absolutely no concern at all about how to avoid mental and heartfelt sins, and they think that they will gain salvation through the fact that they go to all services, without adding anything else to this, that is, neither unceasing prayer, nor silence of the lips, nor vigil, nor strict abstinence, nor spiritual poverty, nor humility, nor love. But this is not so, my brothers, it is not so. God does not look at the face, nor at external decorum, nor at our cries, but looks at the heart, contrite and humble, silent and God-fearing. So He Himself says through the Prophet: to whom will I look but to him who is meek and silent and trembles at My words? (Isa.66:2). But what can we say about those who pester the superiors to give them a service of which they are unworthy? Some of these - those who are concerned only with maintaining the external order of a pious life, or, better said, who have in mind only benefits and glory and, in general, real temporary benefits - so they say: honest father! Am I really not worthy to serve the monastery and the brethren? Or is such and such a monk more worthy of such and such obedience than me and is better able to conduct affairs of this kind than I? If you want, try me too, and you will see that I will handle these matters much better than them. Others are those who are careless and lazy and pretend to be physically weak, who only yesterday and yesterday came from the world and are filled with mountains of sins and who, having not yet endured any obediences and without having worked or sweated at all on the affairs of the monastery, go, as I said, stand together with those who have already worked a lot, and crouch (sit together. - Ed.) and themselves along with them. If one of these last, standing nearby, says to one of them: go, brother, to the place appointed for you and stand there, singing together with the other brothers as best you can, then he will answer: from here it is closer and more audible, and it is better to sing than from a certain place. If he tells him a second time: you, brother, cannot stand here without the blessing of our abbot, then he, having heard such a word, goes and begs the abbot for permission to stand there, presenting his weakness and infirmity as an excuse and using all sorts of ways to get what he wants, and persistently pestering the abbot: condescend and let me stand in the first or second stasidia, next to such and such, so that I can hear and canonarch. When he manages to get this desired, then he is no longer content with just standing in the choir, but little by little he pushes his way into the midst of the leading brethren and in any other case, pretending to himself some kind of external decorum and reverence - he runs, for example, even ahead of others to meet the local leaders and benefactors of the monastery when they come to pray, often looks into the room set aside for them in order to become familiar to them, pretending, however, as an incentive to do so, that he seemed to receive great benefit from talking with them. After this, he begins to circle around the monastery and walk from cell to cell, saying to everyone: believe me, my brother, that I love you so much that on the day I don’t see you, on that day it’s as if I don’t live. If from those where he goes there is someone who fears God, he will answer him with these words: May God remember you, my brother, for your love! What good do you see in me? - He will answer him: what good is not in you? Who else is so meek, reverent, wise, knowledgeable, without guile and, most of all, merciful and brotherly, as you are? He says this because he means to eat something from him. But this spiritual brother, according to the grace given to him by God, conducts a conversation with him all about what is useful for spiritual salvation, deflecting praise from himself, and thereby admonishes his brother. If it happens that he is not like that, but on the contrary, he is carnal and glory-loving, then he is overcome by vanity from such praise and says: what else, my father and brother, is more beneficial than love? Truly there is nothing more beneficial, and blessed is the one who manages to acquire it, and he says something similar, which, as he notes, is not disgusting to the one who comes, and all the more encourages him to praise himself. When finally this one, due to the lightness of his mind, is completely deluded by charm, believing the flattery and false praises of him and accepting them with pleasure, then, if he has something to treat him with, then he will never let him go without persuading him to accept the treat, and treats him with everything that is edible at hand, receiving in reward for this useless praise, spreading in the air, but succeeding Well, cause great harm to the soul. If at that time he does not have anything to treat him with, then after many useless conversations he says to him: do not judge me, my brother, I assure you with our love that now I have nothing edible with which I could worthily treat you, but since you have such love for me, then from now on, whatever God sends me, we will eat it with you together. From now on, both of them are intertwined with all sorts of worries and are only occupied with how to get more food for mutual treats, and the more and more they strengthen their false and apparent love. In the same way, this brother, under the pretext of love, or better yet, charm, makes friends with all those like him, and sometimes he calls another for a treat, sometimes another calls him, so that he never lacks a good meal, plenty of food, sweetness. And he finally becomes a slave of sensual pleasures, extensively feeding his belly. Filling himself with well-prepared dishes every day, in the evening, after Compline, he comes to his cell and says to his novice: I am tormented by a great thirst, heat up some wine, I will drink to quench this thirst to some extent. He, who is already accustomed, is a ready and quick-to-obey servant (because he himself consoles himself with his elder, and drinks glass after glass secretly, in which darkness favors him), immediately heats up the wine and serves it. This one, having drunk one glass, irritates his appetite and begins to eat, which happens, little by little, as if not noticing it, until he eats his fill and fills his belly completely, so that his body becomes clumsy and disobedient to the dictates of his soul. Then the thought says to him: let the novice go, and stand and do your cell rule. When he lets him go, another thought again says to him: where should you stand in prayer with a full belly and so burdened? It’s better to eat a little pine so that the food is digested; Then you will get up before Matins and pray more comfortably with a lighter body. He submits to this thought, falls on the bed and falls asleep. But at night, although it happens that he wakes up, he does not get up, saying to himself: there is still a lot of night, I’ll sleep a little more. Meanwhile, the time for Matins approaches, and forces him to get up and go to church, bearing in his conscience the denunciation of his laziness. So such a brother, as we said, out of habit, often goes to the cells of his friends and his beloved fathers, sits with them until the evening, eats and drinks with them and chats, then, returning to the cell, he is no longer fit only for fulfilling the cell rule, but often even for appearing at Matins. But even when another brother comes to his cell, time passes in the same way, they console themselves with food and drink, often adding severe condemnation of the brothers who do not adhere to the same rules. Thus he wastes the entire time of his life in food and drink and in unkind troubles. It doesn’t even occur to him to think about any spiritual work, let alone start and do it. 3. But why, do you think, my brothers, did I tell you all this? In order to reveal to you that the one who spends his life this way cannot shed tears from his eyes. For how can one who always feeds his belly extensively and only cares about what to eat and what to drink, subservient to his flesh as to his mistress, can perceive crying? However, let us assume that another withdraws from everything that has been said and neither himself goes to the cells of others, nor does he accept others into his cell, just as he does not indulge in food and drink and empty idle talk, but locks his door and remains alone in his cell; What good does this do for him if his work is not spiritual, is not carried out with reason, as it should be, but he sits while reading, for example, so that, having read something, he can say it during an interview with someone and seem knowledgeable and reasonable? Suppose, however, that he does not do this for this, but for spiritual benefit, that is, he reads the Scriptures in order to be imbued with the word of God, that, having read, he gets up to pray and sings, let’s say, two psalms, or three, or five, or ten, or a hundred, and at the same time makes so many and so many bows and, having done all this in this way, lies down on the bed and does nothing else. Tell me, what is the benefit for him from one such act, if at the same time the fruit of prayer and reading is not born in his soul - tears and repentant contrition, dispassion and humility, with meekness? For every person who undergoes spiritual work, according to his spiritual work, also acquires the fruits that I indicated, without any doubt. If someone does and works visibly, but does not acquire the said fruits, then his work is not according to God, but only to please people; why is it righteous and he does not get the best? So, if each of the brothers we have shown will all lead their lives in this way, is it possible that any of them will ever experience tears and contrition, or cast off the guile and hard-heartedness that they brought with them from the world, on an equal basis with the one who, as soon as he became a monk, completely devoted himself to, according to God, complacently and humbly enduring and enduring all the sorrowful things? It's absolutely impossible. And whoever thinks and lays down laws differently deceives himself. For just as it is impossible for unhot iron to shine, or for it to be softened in any other way than by fire, in order to make out of it anything needed for the household, so it is impossible for someone who indulges in negligence and laziness and leads such a soul-harmful and vain life as the one depicted in our word, to receive the same gifts of the Holy Spirit and appear the same as the one who from the very beginning with all his soul subordinated himself to goodness. rules, in obedience to spiritual fathers, and began to lead a virtuous life. One of them, that is, leading an ascetic life, being humble in heart, having humble thoughts and contrite feelings, preferably following the Divine Scripture in everything with extreme zeal, complacently enduring all sorrow, oppression and temptation, considering himself the last and most indecent of all, looking at himself, according to the memory of previous sins, as a great sinner and constantly condemning himself, soon succeeds in virtues; and if he does not have a person who would teach him what is suitable for his salvation, then he learns that grace of the Holy Spirit and little by little drives out from his soul all the bad things that he has acquired in the world, and in its place he installs virtues. And the other, that is, the careless one, being filled with impurity and pride, not wanting to humble himself before the sovereign hand of God, to open the secrets of his heart to his spiritual father and submit to him, also not wanting to do or endure anything that leads a person to virtue and makes him perfect according to God - becomes worse than he was in the world, because the evil spirit that left him for a while returns to him and inhabits him again with seven other spirits malice and deceit. Thus, a zealous brother surpasses in virtue the other with whom he came to the monastery together, just as one who runs freely without any obstacle overtakes the one who is bound by shackles and chains. But the careless one lags behind and remains with the same bad things, or with even greater ones, for no other reason than because he, of his own free will, does not want to choose and do good. 4. So, the fruit of doing the commandments, as I said, is tender contrition, and it bears the fruits of virtues, or, better said, it creates all the virtues, as all God-inspired Scripture reveals. Therefore, whoever wants to cut off passions or acquire virtues, it is appropriate for him, more than any other good or achievement, to seek with all diligence a tender contrition, because without it he will never see his soul pure. For just as it is impossible to wash a dirty dress without water, so it is impossible to wash the soul and cleanse it from sinful filth without tears. Let us not, brothers, come up with soul-harming and empty excuses, which are always false and lead straight to destruction, but with all our hearts let us seek this tender contrition, the queen of virtues. He who seeks it with all his soul and with all his heart finds it. And it’s better to say: it goes by itself and finds the one who is looking for it with such zeal; and let anyone have a heart harder than copper, or iron, or even adamant, as soon as it comes, he immediately makes it softer than wax. For tender contrition is a kind of divine fire that melts mountains and stones and turns them into meadows and gardens; it changes the souls that receive it, and becomes a source inside them, emanating living water, which constantly bubbles up, flows like from some spring and waters the souls that receive the word of God with warm faith. First of all, it washes away the filth of sins from those who become involved in it, then, following the washing away of the filth of sins, it washes away passions and throws them away, tearing off like scabs from wounds, I mean wickedness, envy, vanity and all their offspring. And not only does it do this, but like a kind of flame of fire, it runs (throughout our entire composition), little by little it burns and scorches these passions, like thorns, and finally completely destroys them. This tender contrition first makes the one who has acquired it burn with a strong desire to completely get rid of and cleanse himself from passions, then it arouses the desire for those blessings that are prepared from God for those who love Him. And all this is done by the divine fire of contrition through tears. And without tears, as I said, neither in us nor in anyone else, anything like this has ever happened and never will happen. And no one can prove from the Divine Scriptures that without tears and constant contrition any person would ever be cleansed of his sins, or become a saint, or receive the Holy Spirit, or see (intelligently) God, or know that God has dwelt in him, or that anyone would have Him as an inhabitant in his heart, without first having acquired repentance and tender contrition, so that tears would always flow from him without interruption, as from some spring, they washed out the dwelling of the soul, watered and refreshed it, possessed and burned by an impregnable fire. So, those who say that it is impossible to cry and shed tears every night and day, denounce by this that they are naked of all virtue. For if our holy fathers decisively say that whoever wants to cut off passions can only cut them off by crying and can cut them off with tears, and that whoever wants to acquire virtues can only acquire them by crying, then it is clear that whoever does not cry every day has neither cut off passions nor acquired virtues, although he seems to be demonstrating them. For, tell me, what use are the tools of any skill when there is no master who, using them, could make any suitable vessel or useful thing from any suitable material? Or what good is it if a gardener digs up his entire garden, sows all kinds of greenery in it and plants various plants, and the rain does not fall on them from above to water them, and he himself does not have water to water them? Truly there is no benefit from it. So the one who goes through some virtues and works in them will not receive any benefit from it without this holy and blessed contrition - the mistress and creator of all virtues. For just as another king without an army is powerless against any enemy and is easy to defeat for him, he doesn’t even seem like a king, but one of the ordinary people; Just as again, troops without a king or military leader are easily scattered and destroyed, so there is lamentation in relation to other virtues. Therefore, imagine that all the virtues of the beginners are like an army gathered in one place, and the king of virtues, or military leader, is blissful lamentation and tears of contrition. He puts the entire army of virtues into battle formation, inspires, instructs and determines for good how one should fight, where, when and what kind of weapons to use and against which enemies, which scouts to send out and which guards to place around, what should be said to those whom the enemies send, how much and how, for sometimes it is possible to turn them all back and defeat them with just this negotiation, other times it is possible to turn them back and defeat them, not at all accepting them for negotiations. In addition, our military commander also determines who from the army to send to make ambushes and false attacks to mislead the enemies, how to do this, where and at what time. All this distributes and establishes lamentation, so that, truly, without it, the entire army of virtues is easily defeated by enemies. For this reason, my brothers, more than all other matters, or together with all of them, may repentance be the most essential matter for all of us, and weeping, inseparable from it, and tears - the product of weeping. For there is neither crying without repentance, nor tears without crying, but these three are inseparably connected with each other, and it is impossible for one of these to appear without the others. So, let no one say that it is impossible to cry every day, because whoever says that it is impossible says that it is impossible to repent every day. But to say this means to pervert all Divine Scripture, and most of all, to pervert the commandment of our Lord Himself, Who says: repent, the kingdom of heaven is drawing near. And again: ask, and it will be given to you; seek and ye shall find; push, and it will be opened to you. So, if you want to never receive communion without tears, do what you eat and read every day, and you will reach the point where you will always receive communion with tears. What is this that you sing and read every day? If you do not know this, listen to the one who says: Those who are not hearers of the law are righteous before God, but those who do the law, these will be justified (Rom. 2:13). But in order not to lengthen the words, I will remind you of the following words of David: if I go up to my bed, if I give sleep to my eyes, and slumber to my every side, and rest to my soul, until I have found the place of the Lord, a habitation for the God of Jacob (Ps. 132:3-5). And again: there is no peace in my bones because of my sin. For my iniquities have exceeded my head, for a heavy burden has weighed down upon me. My wounds have grown stale and rotten because of my madness. I suffered and sloshed to the end, walking around complaining all day. I would become embittered and humbled to death, roaring with the groaning of my heart (Ps. 37:3-9). Bykh is like a special bird on the roof. We became like the tawny owl of the desert. I eat ashes like bread, and dissolve my drink with weeping (Ps. 102:7-10). I am weary with my groaning, I will wash my bed every night, I will wet my bed with my tears (Ps. 6:7). And the writer of the Ladder, Saint John, says: thirst and vigil crushed the heart, and the waters broke out for the broken heart. And how much else does this Saint John tell us about this! Let anyone who wishes to read the book of the Ladder with attention and find out (Degree 7. About crying). So, if you, with all your soul, with humility and faith, will unforgettably do what you sing and read every day, or hear others reading, then the great joy that is truly preached to you is that - if you continually do this with patience, that is, thirst, perform vigils, obey the abbot and obey him to the point of your stomach, without hesitation and hypocrisy, endure all sorrow, insult, condemnation, slander, to endure beatings and wounds from your lesser brothers, without having any grudge against them, but thanks to them, sincerely and fervently praying for them to God - rejoice and be glad with indescribable joy, that not only in the evening, and in the morning, and at noon, but also when you eat and drink, often when you talk, when you eat, read and pray, and when you lie in bed, - will find this divine and ineffable grace of tears falls on you, and will accompany you all the days of your life - descend on you when you walk, stop with you to rest or spend the night when you stop; when you are obedient, she will also obedient with you, and will console you in the sorrows that grieve you because of your labors. Then you will know that Saint Simeon said kindly and very kindly that no one should receive communion without tears, and that this is possible and truly convenient for everyone. Or, better yet, it was not he who said it, but the Holy Spirit who said it and wrote it through him. Because if it is true that no one is sinless, even if he lives only one day on earth ( Job 14:5 ) and that no one can boast of having a pure heart ( Prov. 20:9 ), then it is clear that a person has a duty not to let a single day pass without tears throughout his entire life, as far as it depends on himself, and if he does not have them, he has a duty, while he is alive, to seek them with all his soul, for in no other way is it possible to be cleansed of sins and become pure in heart. And whoever does not want to sleep on the bare ground and keep vigils, remembering the multitude of his sins and the severity of his transgressions, and does not care from the heart to heal the wounds that have become rotten and stale from negligence and carelessness of his intensified will and inclinations, making him insensitive (this is true madness, about which David speaks: my wounds have grown stale and rotten from the face of my madness), how can he come to a sense of future judgment and condemnation of sinners and cry with sorrow and sickness of your heart? Whoever does not want to suffer, endure hardships and give in to everyone, does not want to walk around with a bowed head all day, embitter and humble himself, that is, punish himself with greed, thirst, vigilance, dry eating and other similar things, does not want to roar from the sighing of his heart, to be like a bird sitting alone on the roof of a house, and to become like the desert owl, that is, the disposition of his soul to be alien in relation to all things, both monastic and worldly, does not want to be insolent in front of the greater and the lesser, to bother himself with sighs, to eat his bread with ashes and to dissolve his drink with tears, how is it possible, my brothers, to wash his bed every night and wash his bed with tears? Truly, it is completely impossible for him not only to wet his bed with tears every night, but even during prayer it is impossible for him to find them. And in this way he will not be able to prepare a place for the Lord and a village worthy of the God of Jacob, Who is Christ the Lord, our Savior and God. If he does not prepare this well, it is obvious that he will not be able to partake of the Holy Most Pure Mysteries, not only with tears, but also with dignity, as it should be, or to accept the King and God within himself. The Holy (Holy Gifts. - Ed.) are taught to the saints, as the priests say and preach this to everyone every day, crying out with a great voice (oh, if only they would say this to themselves!), and others hear it from the priests, proclaiming: Holy to the saints. So what? Who is not holy is no longer worthy? No, not like that. But whoever does not confess the secrets of his heart, who does not show worthy repentance in this and in what he sinned in ignorance, who is not always in tears and sadness and does not lift up those feats that we spoke about above, that is who is unworthy. The one who does all this and spends his life in groans and tears is worthy and worthy not only to partake of the Most Pure Mysteries every holiday, but also every day from the very (if it is not too bold to say so) the beginning of repentance and his turning to God. It is permissible for such a person to receive communion in this way, as long as he intends to remain patient in these matters and similar ones until the end of his life, and to spend his life in humility with a contrite heart. And if he acts in this way and always keeps himself in this state, then day by day he will be enlightened in his soul, being helped in this by the communion of the Holy Mysteries, and will soon come to complete purification and holiness. In another way, it is impossible for our unclean vessel (soul) and our defiled dwelling (heart) to be washed and cleansed. I could neither read from the Divine Scriptures nor know anything better on my own. We hear the Apostle who says: let a man tempt himself, and let him eat of the bread, and let him drink of the cup. He who eats and drinks unworthily eats and drinks judgment without considering the Body of the Lord (1 Cor. 11:28–29). Thus, he who unworthily partakes of the Body and Blood of the Lord is guilty of the body and blood of the Lord (1 Cor. 11:27). If now the one who has not shown the worthy fruits of repentance is testified by the entire Divine Scripture as unworthy (of Holy Communion), then tell me, how is it possible to receive communion worthily without tears, when tears are the first fruit of repentance? Moreover, just as the vile desires of the flesh and the confusion of the heart with every passion, which occurs with sweetness, are in some way a sacrifice offered by us to the devil, so the tears shed from the heart are a favorable sacrifice offered to God to cleanse the filthiness and shame of this passionate sweetness. The psalmist David clearly shows this when he says: a sacrifice to God is a broken spirit, a contrite and humble heart, God will not despise. And righteously. For when the soul comes to such a good state and habit and so daily humbles itself and laments, then it will not let a single day pass without tears, imitating David, who says about himself: I will wash my bed every night, I will wet my bed with my tears. Therefore, I beg you, my brethren, that each of you diligently exercises his soul in such and similar matters, and it, having come into tender contrition and little by little changed, will become an abundant spring, issuing rivers of tears. If we do not try to become pure in this way, but choose better to spend our lives in negligence and laziness, then I will not say any heavy word to this, so as not to sadden your love; I will only add that if sometimes it happens to someone to receive Communion with tears, that is, if someone happens to cry either before the Divine Liturgy, or during the reception of Holy Communion, and then, on other days and nights, he does not bother to do the same, that is, cry without ceasing, then there will be no benefit for him from crying once, because such crying cannot immediately cleanse us and make us worthy; What makes us worthy is if we cry every day, without ceasing, until the end of our lives, as the Lord commanded us to do, saying: repent, ask, seek, press - how long? Until, he says, you will receive, you will find, and it will be opened to you. What will open up? It is obvious that the kingdom of heaven. Such repentance, which, as we said, always occurs until death, with pain and sorrow of the heart, little by little we begin to shed bitter tears, with which the filthiness of our soul is washed away and cleansed. From this (painful) repentance, pure (pleasant) repentance is then born, transforming bitter tears into sweet ones, instilling a kind of constant joy in our hearts and making us worthy and capable of seeing that unapproachable light, which if we do not strive with all diligence to see, then we cannot free ourselves from passions, nor acquire virtues, nor be honored with dignity, with tears for God, to partake of the Divine Mysteries, neither to have a pure heart, nor to achieve the Holy Spirit to dwell in us, tangibly for our feelings, nor to be worthy to see God as the saints saw Him, neither in this life nor in the future. The Lord grant that you and I should be more and more cleansed by repentance, and when we are cleansed, make us worthy to see God. For those who depart from this life without these two - without cleansing the heart and seeing God, for those the final decision that is to be pronounced over them is doubtful; what is doubtful is false and unreliable. Whoever is not convinced of this in his heart by the grace of the Holy Spirit, it seems to me that he will never acquire shameless and unwavering hope through anything else. And whoever does not have such hope, what else can he be caught up with the saints into the air to meet the Lord? And with what else will he then light his lamp, which is still extinguished here, tell me? Tell me, where can I get oil from then? And with what light should you light your lamps? Where and how can we then get both in order to prepare ourselves and, shining with bright lamps, to meet the Bridegroom Christ? Immediately, as soon as we arise, as if from sleep, as we hear from the Divine Scriptures, we have mothers-in-law to meet the Lord. So, when the last trumpet sounds and raises us from the graves, then, if our souls do not turn out to be kindled from this present life, like lamps, but appear either completely extinguished, or slightly burning and immediately about to go out, according to the word of the Gospel, where can we then find oil to light our lamps, completely extinguished, or add oil to those lamps that are soon ready to go out, because they have little? oil? Then we won’t be able to find anything anywhere. Why let us take care from now on to light our lamps brightly through repentance and tears, so that after the resurrection, shining brightly, we may meet the Bridegroom Christ with light and together with Him enter into the kingdom of heaven and receive eternal blessings, which we would all be worthy to receive, by the power of Christ our God, to whom befits all glory, honor and worship with the Father and the Holy Spirit, now and ever, and unto the ages of ages! Amen. You might be interested in: