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(1) About repentance. What kind of spiritual feat and what kind of heart disease does someone who repents with a contrite and humble spirit have? – (2) What does he say and how does he pray to the man-loving God? – (3) About the fear of God. 1. Is there a person in the world who, being poisoned with a deadly poison and suffering terrible pain inside, could bring to mind and take care of some small wound on the skin of his body? Inner pain naturally drowns out any other pain in him, and the great languor of his heart does not allow him to think about external wounds or look at them. It even happens that, out of great pain and unbearable torment, he tears his clothes with his hands and, forgetting about the wounds on his body, tears them apart with his nails even more, forgets his relatives and friends and does not turn around to look at the person who would accidentally scold him with bitterness, no longer cares about his property and leaves his wealth to be plundered by anyone who wants, he does not even eat bread or drink wine because of his immeasurable pain, and to those who they invite him to do this, he answers with anger: get away from me, death is crushing my soul - a little more, and maybe she will completely take it from me; Yes, I don’t want to live in real life anymore, because death is better than the life that I now live in such torment. - Having no peace, he rolls on his bed or throws himself onto the floor with great screaming and sobbing, not paying attention to those who look at this outrage, nor to those who hear his cry and condemn him; His eyes are two streams, they shed more tears than they look. Such a person pleases every person, like an angel, he pleases both the living and the dead, and those who have not yet been born into this world, and every dumb animal and every reptile - he pleases all this and says: truly blessed are all the creatures of God, because they do not have my sufferings, but spend their lives in health and joy. I alone have such a burden and such a burden of sins, for which from now on I am condemned to eternal fire and even on this earth I experience unbearable torment. He considers every other soul to be pious and reveres it as if it were a saint, and shuns everyone as if he were unclean. He does not distinguish between the righteous and the unrighteous, but he considers everyone alike holy, both pure and unclean; only he alienates himself from all the creatures that exist under heaven, sits on the rot of his immeasurable sins, as if in some kind of darkness of ignorance and sadness, of which there is no end, and cleanses his festering wounds not with a shard, like Job, but with the nails of his hands, because of the great pain of his heart. Although Job was struck in the body, his soul was under the protection and protection of God, and his soul along with his body was poisoned and wounded by sins, which is why the wounds of such a person are incomparably more painful than the wounds of Job. After this, his relatives according to the flesh, and all the friends and acquaintances he had in the world, leave him. They, having sat with him for a while and cried, see the inconsolability and immensity of his sadness and, thinking that he is some kind of abomination, disperse to their homes. Then, left alone and seeing the emptiness and desolation around him, he is even more struck by grief and heart disease, and from immeasurable mental pain he begins to cry, and in hopelessness he cries out to the Almighty Lord: 2. You see everything, Lord, and there is nothing that You have not seen. Although I am the work of Your hands, I did not do the works according to Your commandments, but out of my great foolishness I did every bad thing, not thinking that You, my Creator and God, are as good as you are just. Now, having brought this to mind, I trembled and don’t know what to do. I feel Your condemnation, and I cannot find a word of justification in my mouth. I have no virtue and have not done any deed of repentance worthy of forgiving me even one idle word of my mouth. Moreover, whoever has all the virtues and does all sorts of good deeds, does so as a slave and a debtor, but for his sin in all this he will not find any replacement: here Thy mercy alone precedes. Sin is death, and which of those who died through it can be resurrected by itself? Truly no one. You alone died and rose again, because You did not commit sin and no flattery was found in Your mouth. So, Lord Almighty, having done many evil deeds, I repent, but repentance alone is not strong enough to justify me. Repentance is the knowledge of one's sins; Your mercy removes them. You see, O Lord Almighty, that I now have nothing except my body, but there is no benefit for me from this abandonment of all wealth. I am all one wound; there is no hope of salvation left in me - and hell is ready to swallow me alive. You alone can save me and heal the diseases of my heart. Your hand is strong for everything; it reaches to the very depths of the abyss, and everything happens at Your command. I do not dare to say: have mercy on me, Lord! - because I am unworthy of Your mercy, as the righteous one is worthy of all torment. But You, Lord, know everything, and as Your love for mankind knows, do with me, unworthy of life itself. Why will the gracious God soon hear him and without delay give him relief from his illnesses and freedom from his sorrow. For God loves mankind and cannot bear to see the creation of His hands in such great need and in such unbearable sorrow. With such a person who unfailingly does everything that is said, as well as with those who hear this with faith and imitate this true image of repentance, God will create His great and ineffable mercy and change his illness into joy, and the sadness of his heart into joy, disposing him to vomit the poison of the dragon that was devouring his insides. From now on, he will no longer remember his previous labors and illnesses, and he will not turn back to any of the evils that he suffered, nor will he turn to recover the money or things that he left during his illnesses of repentance, and he will not desire anything like that. The Almighty God will give him health, which will be better for him than all the treasures of the earth. This health will bring indescribable joy to his heart, incomparably greater than his previous sorrow, and this joy will again drive away from his heart all pain caused by external sorrows. This person learns that from now on his heart does not feel the wounds of his body and that external sorrow does not come close to the joy that happens inside his heart. Having learned this, he will rejoice even more, while his relatives and friends, seeing all his external sorrows and not knowing the innermost joy that has come to him, sigh for him and say: “This man has never experienced joy in his life; his life is full of sorrow and sorrow, and his days are no different from the days of the condemned, who are punished in the courts for their evil deeds.” - He alone, knowing that the time of his life has become full of joy and gladness and that the joy of his heart laughs at death, and hell will not overcome it, because it has no end, rejoices in this darkness (countless multitude. - Ed. ) times more than all the kings of the earth and all those who have health and physical beauty, and all the rich men who clothe themselves in purple and fine linen, and all who are blessed in this world with lips that speak lies. That man knows that poverty, when he enjoys it, is better than the whole world and its blessings, for everything that is in his body and in this world will be covered by the earth and swallowed up by death, and the joy that he received because of the health of his soul, nothing can take from him, because it is not of this world. This joy was born in him not from human glory, not from great wealth, not from bodily health, not from human praise, not from anything else existing under heaven, but was prepared by the bitter illness of his soul and the meeting of the action of the Holy Spirit of God, existing above heaven. Why death will not have power over it, because there will be nothing in it worthy of reproach, but it will be like purified wine, which shines through and through against the sun and reveals its purest color, and delights and illuminates the face of the one who drinks it against the sun. However, in what I said, one thing seems incomprehensible to me - I don’t know what pleases me more, contemplation or pleasure, that is, the beauty and joyful shine of the pure rays of the sun, or drinking and tasting the wine that I have in my mouth. I want to look at this, that is, at the rays of the sun, but I am drawn to this, that is, the wine of contrition, which seems sweetest; and when I turn again to that, that is, to the light of Divine grace, I again feel greater pleasure from the sweetness of tasting wine; I am not satisfied either by seeing those rays of the sun or by drinking that wine. When it seems to me that I have had my fill of drink, then the beauty of the rays sent down makes me thirst even more, and I find myself again hungry and thirsty; and the more I strive to fill my womb, the more I burn ten times with thirst and desire for that brilliant drink. Thus, everyone judged by this good court of repentance will no longer be afraid of any other judgment or torment, will not be afraid of the temptations that come to him, for his (spiritual) thirst will not cease forever, and this drink, sweet, light and brilliant, will never be stopped; and this sweetness given by drinking, and this joyful shine emanating from the sun, drives away all sadness from the soul and makes a person always rejoicing; and no one can harm him, no one can prevent him from drinking enough from the source of salvation. The ruler of the world, who rules over the world with his malice, the ruler of the earth, the ruler of darkness, the evil devil, who reigns over all the waters of the sea and plays with the world, as someone plays with a small bird held in his hands, will not dare to approach him with all his army, and with all his strength, and even touch the heel of his foot, and not just boldly look at him. For the sparkle of wine and the rays of the sun shine strongly in the face of the one who drinks it, pass into his entrails and are transmitted to his hands, feet and all his members, and make him all fire, strong in all parts of him, to scorch the enemies approaching him. And he becomes the favorite of the light, the friend of the sun and his beloved son, due to the pure and bright wine that pours into him like the rays of the sun and light. Drinking this wine is for him nourishment and cleansing of the filth of his rotten flesh, and this cleansing is perfect health; such health does not allow him to taste any other harmful food, but produces in him a certain immeasurable and warmest desire to drink one wine, so that by drinking this he can cleanse himself more and more and thereby build up his health, for the beauty of health and the grace of beauty brought by health knows no saturation. 3. This is what finally happens, my beloved children, the one who has sinned before the Almighty God and comes to a sense of fear, that is, he is afraid of future judgment, rejection and the wrath of God. The fear of God and the feeling of His righteous retribution wear down (trample - Ed.) the flesh and crush the bones, like a stone lowered by some machine and heavily crushing grapes that had previously been trampled in a winepress. For they usually first trample the grapes with their feet, and then crush them with a stone in order to squeeze out the last of their juices. Likewise, the fear of God makes a person trample upon all people, and when his pride and the vain wisdom of his flesh are completely erased, then a mental stone falls on him from above, the lightest and best, that is, holy humility, and squeezes out of him all the dampness of carnal pleasures and passions, and makes the soul, thus humbled and contrite, pleasing and good; At the same time, he waters her with tears flowing like a river, and makes her herself a source, emanating living water, healing the wounds of sins and washing away their stinking blood, and makes that person whiter than snow. Blessed is the man who hears these words, accepts them with faith and does them. He will gain great blessings that surpass the mind, and the word, and the thought, and will bless my poor hand, which wrote this, and will glorify the generous and merciful Lord, who taught this through my unclean tongue and unclean lips as a model of repentance and conversion and as a demonstration of the unlost and truest path to those who with all their souls desire to be saved and inherit the kingdom of heaven, in God Himself and Our Savior, to whom be glory forever. Amen. You might be interested in: